Deanimal's advice column

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Q: okay to start off i know i am not FAT. but i am 4 foot 11 inches and weight about 105. and i dont care what the scale says i care about the way i look. being so short for my age and having a regular appetite for my age doesnt help. i play 2-3 sports but i know i dont eat very healthy. i just dont like the way my stomach looks...my friends all say i am fine but really they are my friends what are they going to say?....

please tell me if you think i am just exaggerating or i should eat healthier/exercise more but PLEASE do it nicely...(i.e: dont swear and call me an idiot)

103, 105... same thing, basically.

Make peace with your stomach. You've acknowledged that you don't think you're fat, and it's very hard to control that... pooch that a lot of girls (including myself) have. A lot of guys even think it's really cute. Few people have perfect, flat stomachs.

If you wanna try eating healthy and doing crunches every other day (never every), go for it, but if it doesn't work, learn to love the way your stomach looks, you'll be saner.

Q: I ave this "condition" called lumbar lordosis where your lower back curves out so your butt really sticks out. I went to physical therapy and got kick butt abs to control it and now its a lot better. You can barely tell. But I have trouble fitting into jeans (i have to get a few sizes larger), skirts (the sideseam curves), and shorts and capris. I'm skinny and i know i have a good body to fit into this stuff, but it's the back-curving-out-slightly problem that won't let me wear anything but long shorts and huge jeans. Can i have some help or stores where i can get some good clothes?? 13/f SHOULD wear size 16 slim

There's a store at my local mall called "The Buckle" which makes clothes that fit girls with really wide hips and skinny... everything else. It's not quite the same thing, but it might help. (http://www.buckle.com/index.jsp)

My point is, look for clothes designed for girls with big butts. Yours isn't big, but you say it sticks out, so there's a similar effect. Not to be racist, but try clothes for black girls. They seem to be naturally built with a curve to their lower back. It's just something I've noticed. (Not all of them, obviously)

Stretch jeans might help. They would accomodate your butt, and fill in the void other places.

Q: I want to tone my stomach. I know how to do crunches for my upper abs, but my lower abs are just not getting toned. does anyone know any great workouts for your lower abs, or maybe even upper and lower combined? Also, i heard that your not supposed to do crunches everyday, basically for the same reason u should lift weights everyday, is it the same thing and is this true? Thanks so much. I rate high.

Yes, don't do crunches daily.

There is no way to spot train any part of your body to get rid of fat, you have to let that happen all over and gradually.

As far as toning (like... building muscle), try doing crunches and actively thinking about and trying to use those muscles instead of upper abs. I find that one can pretty much use crunches to tone any midsection muscle if they concentrate.

Excercises that move your pelvis will also do good for lower abs.

It should be mentioned that lower and upper abs aren't actually seperate muscles and can't be isolated, and any excercise for one will also work on the other. Clusters within the muscle can be targeted, however.

Q: So for two years, ive always dyed my own hair from kits from the store. Well, my hair ended up developing this orange tint to it. So i said enough was enough, and decided to save my money up to get it professionally highlighted. I tried to get these platinum blonde highlights, but it turned out even worse becase.. 1) the lady didnt even do a good job and 2) because my hair still had this orange tint to it. So my question is - how do i get rid of the orange color? I cant just wait for my hair to grow out. Ive decided to get light brown and blonde highlights at a DIFFERENT salon this time in April. But is there a way they can get rid of all the gold/orange tones in my hair FIRST? (Instead of just dying over it.) If so, how much do you think it will cost?

There really isn't anyway to dye your hair back to non-orange without dying over it. *shrug*

Yes, they can do it if you go to a GOOD salon.

Q: i wanna tip the ends of my hair with a wild color---like pink or blue. how do i go about doing this with an at home kit??

If your local drug store doesn't have what you want, try a store at the mall, like Hot Topic, they usually have good wild dyes.

If you have very dark hair, you will need to bleach the parts of your hair you plan on dying, or it won't show up well.

I had a friend who did her tips pink and it looked fantastic.

Q: ok... i have to write an essay for my 9th grade english class about romeo and juliet. We have to dicuss whether or not they were in love. I feel that they werent really in love, just lust. I need help in finding information to prove my point, which is that romeo and juliet werent really in love. If any one has any advice about this please tell me! thanks

Ok, google the phrase "love vs lust," you should get a lot of things. Talk about how Romeo was "in love" with that other chick in the beginning. (I forgot her name)

Look up stuff on the chemical aspect of love/lust/attraction.

I, personally, am with you all the way. Sounds like teenage infatuation to me.

Q: i was wondering, why are there so many groups in skool? like preps, goths, punks, metalheads, populars, secondary populars, loners, gunks(a mix of punks and goths), and just "others". it all just creates mayhem, like a popular cant go out with a goth, or they will loose all their friends. i think it is so stupid. can you explain to me why people must insist on putting people in different catigories? does it really matter?

People kind of group themselves by who is like them It's stupid, I agree, but it's how society fuctions. Sometimes people group according to dress, actions, or musical taste. I drift between sluts, gunks, freaks, losers, and artistic weirdos. I dress like goth one day, total prep the next, depending on my mood. Same goes for my musical taste. Black Sabbath... then Britney Spears.

People will always inhibit themselves socially, it's human nature.

"Secondary populars" made me laugh though. I'm always looking for a name for those people.

Q: On Friday, I had asked (in an msn message) my friend Christine if she and my friend Jenn were going to a concert that night, because I wanted to go with them. She replied with a big long msn message (summarized) saying she and Jenn are better friends with each other than with me, they just wanted to hang out with each other this weekend. Also, Christine said she feels like I don't listen when she talks to me and that I don't care, so it's hard to want to be around me. Basically, I've been dumped as a friend. She said she didn't mean to put this all out on msn, and I could call her if I want to talk about it. So my question is, should I call her? What do I say? Is it worth repairing the friendship? Should I bother? (note- I did email her Friday thanking her for being honest with me, instead of just ditching me w/o reason, which they've done before)

I do applaud her, it sounds like she was as polite as possible about it. I applaud you for recognizing this and not just getting comepletely pissed off.

You have two options. Try and repair, or let it go. Either way, you should call her. Either to talk about how you could be a better friend or just for some closure for yourself.

If you want to salvage the relationship, listen to her, care about what she says, and be there.

If not, tell her thanks again for being straightforward and get on with your life.

Q: Ok, where to start? I'm a freshman in high-school, and I totally hate high-school. I mean, its not THAT bad, but I'd prefer middle school, anyday. Last year, (in 8th grade) I had it all. Great friends, boyfriends, pretty decent grades, and everybody liked me pretty much. I was Ms. Perfect, and I was supposedly SUPER-HOT, or so everybody said. Now, I feel like crap. I'm always trying to be someone I'm not. My best friend moved away, far and we barely ever keep it contact. My other best friend, well we don't even ever hang out because I ditched her for my current best friend, and so now she had better friends, and I'm just a nobody. And my new best friend, well we've only been friends for about a year, not entirely, but the fights we get into, its unbelievable. I haven't fought like I gought with her, with my other friends for two years. I mean, she's a good friend, but gets pissed easily, I mean we're two different people, I've talked to her about it before, but ehh. I don't know what to do. Now, guys. Yeah, people still like me, but not as much. There's lots more prettier girls! And life, my social life is horrible, my parents don't let me do shit. Guys, I've had two big crushes that both liked me but things got screwed up because I was too shy. I know how people say, that if you're popular and stuff in middle school, in high school you won't be, and vice-versa. I don't know what to do about ALL of this. Please help with everyhting, get my life back o track anfd better., Thanks os much!

You've got to start being yourself. You have to, it's going to kill you. Dress in clothes *you* like, hang out with people *you* think are fun and just let your personality shine through. If you're having a blast in life, everything else will fall into place.

If you don't like your current best friend, make some more. Talk to people. It takes a while, but you'll find more people that you get along with better.

Don't worry too much about boys. The best romance just kinda comes out of nowhere. It's no fun if you tracked it dowm.

Q: This is for all you lovely ladies out there.
- What types of things do you like to hear.
Example. "You're beautiful"
What other things do you like being told.

Thanks!

Yes, we most definitely like compliments, but we like *smart* compliments. Beautiful is better than hot. We like to be complimented on our character, not just our appearance.(ie 'you're so smart/talented/interesting/funny/strong) And be honest. If it isn't true, don't say it. If we are fishing for compliments, we are insecure and need you to say something that blows our mind, (You're allowed to fudge a tad here) like "I have never seen a more beautiful sight than your smile in my entire life; you are amazing"

We like to hear that we look sexy when we think that we dont. (ie when we are sweaty, smelly, gross, just woke up, hair is a mess). There is nothing more fun then going about thinking you look like crap and having someone tell you that you look fantastic.

Besides compliments, we like to feel like we're being confided in. Whisper in our ears. Tell us secrets. Come to us with problems. We like the intimate feeling of being your shoulder to cry on.

Being gentleman-like is a huge turn-on. (Calling a girl milady). Bonus points for saying "I miss you" and meaning it.

And for God's sakes, please don't lead us on or play us. Girls fall hard sometimes.

You can do it. (:

Q: 15/f i'm having a party on saturday for my birth day and i would like to know ideas for games and just fun stuff to do so that this party will not be boring. there will be guys and girls. also, any tips would be great! thank you!

Well... there's always spin the bottle and truth or dare.

For a more mature/parent-friendly time, I suggest charades. Sounds lame, but it all depends on the words you have to act out. ;)

Outside stuff is fun, and so are funny/scary movies. Pretty much anything with a group of friends becomes fun.

Don't forget good food!

Q: Is a teacher allowed to bring down your grade because you forgot a book or a packet that you need for that class?

Yes. Teachers can bring down grades for pretty much any reason, if appropriate. If they have asked you to bring the materials, you should.

Q: I got my ears pierced at Claires 8 weeks ago. My left ear lobe started hurting and bleeding a teeny bit and shedding skin from the back when i changed into my second pair of sensitive earrings. What's wrong with my ear?? Is it infected?? It's a teeny bit red withthat white thingy and when you squeeze it it hurts a teeny bit. What should I do? I RATE 5'S

Just keep doing what you are doing. They don't sound too bad, if they get worse, you may have to take the earrings out, let your ears close up, and get them repierced later, but this isn't likely. Try not to mess with them too much, and keep cleaning them lots. (About twice a day. Any more might aggrivate them)

Q: ok, so, I'm in the 8th grade and I live in, and I'm about to go to highschool, but I dont know which one to go to. 2 highschools, brooklyn tech in brookyn and townsend harris in queens, have offered me a seat, and they're both good. but townsend is like REALLY good and it's hard to get into, but I heard there's a LOT of hw, like 4 hours worth of it every day, and going to townsend is like completely giving up your social life, and everyone's telling me to go there. I want to go there cuz it's close to me, and it's really intelligent, but I wont know anyone there. people that used to go to townsend said that college seemed easy compared to the highschool, and that they benefited a lot from the school. most of the kids I know are going to brooklyn tech. the school's definately not as good as townsend but it's still good because it's one of the six specialized highschools in nyc, but I'm really interested in it because some of my best friends are going there, and becuz I kno there will be tons of hot guys.

i wanna be smart.. but I wanna have fun also

what school would you choose?
(sry if it's too long)

I'm going to go againt my gut here and say Brooklyn Tech. From what you say, it isn't a bad school, just not as good as Townsend. Above average, even.

And, to take a quote from my very good friend who is very wise:

Homework will get you through high school, but people will get you through life.

In the adult world, what matters even more than *what* you know is *who* you know. For networking and your mental health. :)

Friendship is a beautiful thing. If you think you won't be able to make good ones at Townsend, do not go there.

Q: At the end of the school year, my entire grade is going on a field trip to Islands of Adventure. We can hang out with whoever we want and sit with whomever we want on the buses. My problem is that I don't belong to a certain clique - I have a lot of friends from various groups and some of them don't know the others. I promised the group I see least that I would hang out with them, but now other groups have been asking me, and I can't exactly say, "No, I don't want to." If I had it my way, I would love for everyone to hang out, but I know some of them don't get along and I don't want anyone to feel left out. Also, the group I promised to hang out with is the group I would most like to be with on this trip, considering I don't see them as often and I sometimes get sort of sick of some of the people in my classes. Not to mention, it's hard for over 20 kids to hang out and go on the rides together. :( Any ideas?

Spend most of your time with the group you promised, but don't totally ignore the others. Divide your extra time depending on who is available and willing.

Q: ok, i have three really good friends that are girls. (lets call the jane, lacy, and kacy) jane goes through guys like a kid eating candy! every week (just about) she calls me to tell me about her new boyfriend. lacy and kacy both are in a long term relationship, and have had a long term relationships before. i have never had a boyfriend, never held hands, kissed.... and i am feeling really left out! one of my guy friends likes my best friend, and i feel so jealous! i dont have a "crush" right now...i dont throw my heart out there. my cousins both have boyfriends, and are bringing them to Christmas at my house. i am feeling really jealous and left out...any tips? what do guys look for in a girl? sorry this is so long...its just very important to me.

Don't stress so much. Make a lot of guy friends if you just want male company, but don't "like" any one. Guy friends are really awesome. They give you sort of a nice yin-yang structure to the relationship, even if it's platonic. And an added bonus, some of the best boyfriends come from guy friends, because you know you'll get along. BUt really, don't stress about not having a Bf, it just complicates things and makes you feel guilty about flirting when you do. Yeah, it can be fun, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. The single life is a lot of fun.

Q: alrighty..well i have a big group of friends over alot...but its starting to get boring because we just do the same thing over and over and over again...we either come to one of our houses and watch movies, or go to the movies...i want to do something new! and fun! what should we do?...btw..something guys and girls would have fun doing...but we are all just friends, so nothing gross..if ya know what i mean lol

Are there any fun places to go around your town? Bowling, mini-golf, a pool? Maybe you could have a party. Like, a real, get dressed up and dance to music party. Or a costume party, those are fun. Maybe you could have an all-over town scavenger hunt, or do a secret santa and all go to the mall at once to but the stuff. Mall scavenger hunts are fun too; see who can get the coolest thing for under 5 dollars. If you're bored with stuff, chances are they are too. Suggest things to the group, and see how they go over. You're sure to find something new and interesting to do.

Q: ok, here's the scoop, i asked one of my friends to talk to the guy that i like....she said that he hates me and thinx i'm ugly and stuff. i don't know whether or not to believe her and i don't know what to do. i don't really think he'd say that, but should i ask him or what? please help if you can. thanx
~ArL0*

She sounds like she's lying. If he's really your guy friend I doubt he'd be that harsh, knowing it could easily get back around to you. I suspect she may like him as well. You should talk to him and tell him he said some hurtful things. He'll either deny it, and then you have the opportunity to tell him what she said and see how he reacts, or he'll apologize, or he'll really be nasty and say it to your face. I bet he'll deny it though, whether he did say it or not.

It sounds like she made the whole thing up though.

Q: well im in basketball...And im like not too good whats a way to help me not think about bein nervous...or somethin...plz help me out !!

Practice shooting around and dribbing between obstacles and ball handling a LOT. Whenever you have free time. It doesnt have to be really structured or strenuous, but if you practive 10 minutes every day, you'll just be that much better. I could write a book on basketball, but I'll just say one more thing. As for the nervous thing, that's totally good. I really think being nervous will make you play better.

Q:
what do you do when you know (or think) a guy doesnt like you but your just like totally infatuated by him and he just like makes your heart hurt whenever you think about him or see him?

Wait about two weeks. Seriously, try not to dweel on it so much for a little bit. Your head will clear. If you still feel the same way then act on it by flirting, talking etc.

bio

My name is Deanna: aka manrashi, banana, deanimal

I'm 15 and I like answering questions. I try to be as competent, coherant, and helpful as possible. Everyone is welcome to ask me questions personally, as it it makes me feel special.

I LOOOVE cooking and drawing and other artistic type things. I also like altering photos and making avvies/icons in photoshop, so I will take any requests for those as well. (email or IM me).

Please rate my advice, and rate it fairly. If I deserve a 2, go ahead and give me one, you won't hurt my feelings.

Pet peeve: people who answer questions just to say "That sucks, I don't know. Sux 2 B u."(If you don't know, why are you answering?) and people who say "Hope I helped!" (Obviously, or you wouldn't have an advice column)

Haha, sorry.

I'm out.
>>-Deanna->