A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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i'm a female who is 20 and my two best friends i talk about in this are both 20 and gay.
About six months ago, i was having a HUGE fight with my best friend. The next day I asked my other best friend if I could come and stay the night because i was just emotionally a wreck and he knew the whole entire story. He said yes, so after he got off work at 11 i went down to stay with him. He's gay and has been my best friend for about a year and a half now. my other best friend (the one i was fighting with) is gay also.
anyway, i went to his house which isn't unusual, considering i'd stayed at his house a million times before. he has a little twin size bed and we usually cuddle in it and go to sleep. well, we were laying there and i was facing the wall and he was facing the same way with his arm around me, again, not unusual. being best friends, we're always grabby and joking all the time, usually with other friends. I'd seen his, he'd seen my breasts but not the other region. so we're laying there and then he starts putting his hand in my underwear trying to feel it and saying he wants to touch it...blah blah. i'm laughing and saying no..
and then finally, idk why, but i decided to let him. at first it was just kind of experimentory, but then he started really getting into it. so he ended up "doing things" to me down there for about an hour. it was really intimate with kissing...etc.
we've talked about it and he has told me time and time again that he honestly cannot even answer for himself why it progressed the way it did.
i think maybe there is something about it that he's not saying. there has to be a REASON right?
any advice is GREATLY appreciated. (link)
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At his age, he is probably only able to justify admitting that he likes guys by ruling out girls entirely.
He obviously has a desire for girls on some level.
Yeah, theres a reason for it, but only he is going to be able to figure out what that is. Offer to discuss it some more, I'm sure he'd appreciate being able to figure it out.
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18/f
Ok. SO. Currently I work at GameStop. I've been employed there for about 3 months now, and they have yet to give me more than ONE day a week. Now..being a senior in high school with no car and plans to attend college next year, I need more money than ONE day a week. So I applied at Home Depot. I got an interview tomorrow. Seeing as Home Depot pays $12.00 starting rate, I think it's a great opportunity. Now GameStop has recently started to give me more hours. Now that I got the interview at Home Depot, I feel that I'm basically going behind GameStops back. It's not that I want to quit GameStop, I want both jobs. But say I do get the Home Depot job..How do I explain to my GameStop boss that I have a second job but still want to keep this one? I'm feeling the extreme pressure on how to pay for future bills that include college, insurance, and possibly an apartment. I just want to be financially stable when I graduate high school. I'm basically writing this because I just need some one to talk to that's been through the same thing, or is currently in my situation. I don't know why I'm SO nervous about being in debt. I guess my whole question in this entire paragraph is, How do I explain to my GameStop boss that I still want to work there but I got an interview to work some where else? I want both jobs.
Thanks guys,
-One confused high school senior. =/ (link)
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Alright. First off, saving money from Game Stop and Home Depot won't pay for college. If thats why you're working, spend that extra time you would be doing a second job looking into financial aid with your parents help.
Secondly, you have a right to do whatever you want. Tell your manager that you're looking into a second job because you don't get enough hours at Gamestop.
Its really simple. You don't have to make a big deal of it, just ask your manager for some time to discuss your schedule one on one, and let them know that you want to make more money, and are considering a job offer you have from Home Depot.
Tell him you want to work out a schedule that lets you not have the jobs interfere. Ask your boss how many hours a week he wants you to work, and ask him if you can get a set schedule to work another job around. If your schedule changes every week for both jobs, it won't work. But if you can get one job to set fixed hours, you can go to the other job and say "This is my schedule, work around it."
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I am going to do my very best not to make this teen angst about a crush.
I'm a senior in high school, and my question is about a girl I am interested in. (Guess I already failed, right?)The thing is, I've always been the type of guy to be friends with girls as much as guys, and this one is no exception. But she has a pretty big crush on another guy in our group, even though he has made it clear that he is not interested in her. What I've noticed is that the more time she spends away from him, the more interested in me she gets. But when she does spend time with him, she then talks to me about him, albeit not excessively. And they spend tons of time together.
So what I want to know is, am I irreparably in the friend zone, or can I get out? And how? (link)
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Couldn't tell you, honestly. Without seeing the two of you around each other its hard to tell if you're in the friend zone.
Fortunately, its easy to find out.
First, start flirting innocently. Compliment her looks on a somewhat regular basis in an open and yet joking manner.
Smile at her a bit more (Conciously) and make sure you make plenty of eye contact while talking. All of these things translate to interest. If it looks like she put extra effort into something (hair, makeup, clothes, etc) try to notice and say something about it.
This starts sending the signals of "He notices that I'm a girl"
Second, make her laugh. Laughter is THE easiest way to get a girl to like you. If you can crack her up it sets her at ease. I've got a truckload and a half of personal stories and jokes I've picked up that are guaranteed to get positive responses. You don't have to be a stand up comic, you just have to be able to tell a joke or a good story without muffing it halfway through or losing your train of thought.
Third, try to shy away from your friend as a topic. In my experience, the absolute best way to get a girl to stop talking about another guy is to get her talking about herself. If she says anything about him, try to turn the conversation back at her, which can then turn onto other subjects if you like.
Fourth, Tease. Teasing is a great way to pull off the humor. Keep it small and innocuous, but if you see her do something goofy, laugh at her about it. You probably already do this to a degree, but teasing brings comfort and the opportunity for chemistry. Plus, it opens up the touch barrier. Pokes, tickles, wrestling, hitting, are all good things.
Hugs aren't. Hugs are too comfy. Shy away from hugging and stick to things that don't automatically denote you as "Friend". Serious signs of "brotherly" affection should be avoided. I knew a guy who got in the habit of kissing girls on the cheeks and forhead. He'd brag about it like it was some kind of accomplishment, and was quickly met with responses like "ok, so you kiss her forhead, and I make out with her, maybe sleep with her. Who comes off better in that scenario?"
Lastly, man up and ask her out. Give it a week or so of the above before you make the jump, but make the jump soon. Ask her out in a way that gives her a timeframe to work with. Like, "I'm not doing anything this weekend, and I'd like to take you out to a movie, when might you have some free time?"
When you ask, make it a confident assertion. "I would like to take you out somewhere" Finishing it off with "when do you have some free time?" gives the impression that you assume her answer will be yes, and asks her a question that "no" is not an immediately available answer.
If she says the weekend you picked isn't good, follow up with a yes or no question. "Well,can I take you out somewhere some other time?"
This gives you a strong opening question with a followup that allows her to back out gracefully.
The trick here is that you don't approach this like you're asking her permission to date her. That almost always gives the wrong impression. You want her to know you'd like to take her out, and nothing more. Thats the real trick. Women like mystery, and if they know you like them, often it takes the "pursuit" out of dating for her, and lessens the excitement. You want to show interest without saying you're interested.
You've probably got a good shot, but you also could get an "eww" response. Even that isn't neccesarily fatal, but recovery from it is incredibly tricky and situational, I can't give you advice on that one. I've rolled a few girls over from the friend zone back into dating territory before, but its always hard, finiky, and theres never any guarantee of even the slightest change. You've just got to be fast on your feet and know them well enough to know what their body language and tone mean.
But its still possible. I sat a girl down who told me I was like her brother and she could never date me and asked her why I was like her brother. She told me she knew me so well that something like kissing would just feel wierd. I challenged her on it and asked for a single genuine kiss.
Needless to say, she liked it alot more than she thought she did. But I knew her well enough to know she'd say yes to the suggestion, and honestly I know how to kiss for effect, so I was able to get that part right.
The real trick here is observation and learning. If you like a girl, pay attention. Figure her out, figure out what her facial expressions and tone mean, figure out what she likes, what she thinks. Ask her about herself and encourage her answers. Follow the above, and if she has any level of latent sexual interest in you you've got a pretty damn good shot, I'd think.
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I am going to college next year at a very expensive school. What are some ways to make that sort of money fast?
Tell me what I can do, what I will make, and how hard I will have to work for it.
And anything goes here, legal, illegal, immoral. I probably won't go the illegal route, but the information would come in handy.
18/m (link)
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The below was one of the stupidest things I've read. I want that minute of my life back.
On to the question, look into financial aid. Google "Financial Aid _______" and fill the blank with your zip code or city, see if you come up with anything local. Go to your college and talk to the financial aid office, ask them how you find out about grants and such. There might well be help there.
Beyond that, look into student loans and see if you have a cosigner (like parents)
In all realistic terms, theres no way to come up with 45 grand like magic. Even if you did something illegal, you aren't going to be able to jump into it and have 45 grand.
You need to be looking into finding a job you can work close to college and look into financial aid. Just google and spend a few hours looking up information.
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I've been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now and I'm not sure where it's headed. I'm 32, he's almost 35. I'm a divorced single mom of two kids, he's never been married and doesn't have kids. We both have our own place and are both very independent people. During the week, he usually comes to my house for dinner and stays for an hour or 2. Friday and Saturday nights my kids and I are at his house. And we usually spend the night on Saturdays. He has a three bedroom house and has practically given my kids a room for when they're over there.
We spend 90% of our free time together and rarely ever fight. We are really great together, but I'm beginning to think it's because we never talk about stuff. He's admitted that he's afraid of committment and he rarely talks about his past. Neither one of us has said "I love you" to each other yet. Although, he did tell me the only things he loves in his life are his dogs and his Jeep. Everytime I try to talk about how I feel about him, he completely changes the subject. Every single time! He never wants to talk about it. The time we spend together is mostly spent watching a movie or a show on tv. So I only have a few chances to talk to him.
I don't want everything to go fast. But I don't understand why he doesn't even want to talk to me about us. He complains about not having any money and that I don't go to his house enough. But when I mention moving in together, he says it would be a long time from now. I don't know what to do. I want to get married again, not now, but eventually, but if he can't even committ to the "L" word after 11 months, it'll be another year or two before we'll be living together. I would just like to have confidence that our relationship will progress. Right now, I'm not confident at all. Instead, I'm getting a little irritated. This man is the man for me...in alot of ways, and I could see us together for a long time, but each day that goes by, I get more and more angry at him. I am in love with him, and I don't want to fall out of love with him. Help!! (link)
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11 months and no "I love you"
You're past too fast and into Shit or get off the pot territory.
You love him? Say it. Start bringing this shit up. Like it or not, true relationships are forged, and forging is a process of immense pressure and heat.
You've got to put pressure on this is if you expect anything to come of it. If he reacts badly and doesn't want the same things you want, you've got your answer in plain english, right there.
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Okay so me and my girlfriend have been dating for a few years. After we became comfortable with eachother and solitified our connection we began having sex. We were both virgins and once we got some experience it was amazing. We had sex all the time and it was passionate and loving. FAst forward 2 more years and all of a sudden I can't get her to do anything... EVER. She says she loves me and that she is attracted to me. And I am positive there is no one else I'm confident of that. However she just does not think about sex, does not initiate anything, and seems not to be interested in fulfilling my needs and desires.
I am understanding of this so im not pressuring her to have sex with me we talked and I forced myself never to even think about it. But I looked at myself and realized this was wrong. Why sacrifice my desires and feelings just to make someone else happy when they clearly don't care to make me happy...
She wants to cuddle and kiss and hug and to a woman I know that's pretty much the connection men get from sex. So basically she is using me for her own desires yet not compromising with mine. Believe me I am no sex fiend but I am a MAN a real man who wants his woman to want him from time to time and make me feel like a man should feel. I'm not a cheater, rapist, or jerk who is in it for his own pleasure but i'm tired of coming second in my own love life.
What should I do? I have expressed how I feel and she claims she can fulfill my wants and needs, yet has not shown any real effort whatsoever i'm stressed and ready for something to happen. (link)
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Couples counseling.
A complete lack of sex drive is a problem. Its unusual. And more than likely, its caused by mental shit. I highly recommend bringing the idea of counseling up.
More discussion would be a good idea. Sexual compatibility is a huge deal, and sexual needs are equatable with emotional needs, if she is apathetic towards them thats going to fuck with you alot, and will probably destroy the relationship.
Bring up addressing it. The counseling idea will underscore that you're serious about it. If she refuses, or guilt trips you about it, or in general uses it as a reason to be shitty, you might be looking at the start of your breakup.
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14/F
My boyfriend is 5 years older than me hes 19. Me and him have been dating for 8 months done things before that but officially been dating for 8 months. My family want me to have nothing too do with him because of his age and he doesnt have the best reputation. I live in a small town everyone knows everybody and everything. My boyfriend is one of the more well known people in this town. People were shocked when I first started dating him. Im a freshman in my HS and he dropped out 3 months before his graduation this year. He says hes going to the college to get his GED but hey he doesnt seem to be awake in time to go he maybe goes 2 times max a week and not to mention hes a pot head. He smokes all the time and jokingly I said you love your pot more than me and ofcourse he just laughed and said yeah but I love you too. I gave him an option about 2 months ago between me or the pot - he picked the pot we broke up maybe for 3 days and started dating again even though he cut down on it a little bit but of course continued on his normal schedule. If anyone has delt with loving a pot head you know that it is a very complicated thing too do(or maybe its just me). I mean I want to have a future with him but I cant if this is what kind of things I have to look forward too(watching him get high and sell drugggs) I love him to death and I KNOW he loves me too. Every couple cant agree on everything. But I mean I think it would make him appreciate me more if I told him I just need a break to think things out. Hes not a very understanding person I bring up that he needs to go to college and get his life on track he says whatever and hangs up the phone. But it would be practically impossible for me to tell him I want to take a break when Im with him I would think I was CRAZY for thinking about taking a break away from him. Also, people claim he cheated on me I mean my head is telling me he didnt [I (Cant) believe it] but my heart is telling me ; He did maybe not with this girl but I think he did. [that sounded cheesyy, but thats how i feel:)] When I say dont cheat on me he FREAKS out I mean yeelling saying you think I cheat on you I love you more than anything baby I would never do that. Things like that. The thing is I became VERY clingy towards him ; it might be because I lost my virginity to him in January. I dont know why this is the first person ever but I mean I think its obbsession or something. I get so mad when he doesnt call me and he says he will. I think this is because, about two weeks ago I cheated on him and had sex with my old good friend. We were drunk and just got caught up in the momment. I stopped as soon as it went in and said OMG I cant believe this ; and called my boyfriend right away just to tell him "I love you" and to hear his voice. I havent told my boyfriend about this and I really dont want to tell him I swore to him I would never cheat on him and I know it would KILL him if I told him. I do love him but I really feel like I need too take a break away from this relationship because I dont want to wait and things to turn out worst. I think Im just having mixed feelings, my parents hate him so when I need him with me most He cant be here . I have to keep our relationship a secret but all my friends know Im head over heels in love! (:
I dont know what the question is to this whole story, but just writing down what Im going thru made me feel 100 Times better(:
Thank you if you read this and im sorry it is so longg and their really is no point to this ; but if you guys have any advice on anything or if anyone is going thru or went thru a situation I wouldnt mind hearing some stories or advice(:
Thank-you ! (link)
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You are far too young to have to deal with adult issues like overcoming laziness and a pot habit.
By that, I mean you should not be worrying about shit like this at 14. He's too old for you in a number of aways.
Growing up is not a bad thing, but growing up too fast can be. You should not be dating guys who aren't within a year or two of your age right now.
I mean, how many other of your friends are worrying about their boyfriends being worthless, worrying about if the relationship can work because he smokes weed, has no motivation, and hasn't even finished high school?
How many of them would want to?
Its easy to fall in love when you're young. My girlfriend describes 14 year old love as a bucket. You can fill the bucket, and be in love, but it doesn't take a whole lot.
As you get older, its not a bucket anymore. Its a swimming pool, a lake, eventually (hopefully) an ocean. It takes alot more to fill it because there is so much more you're capable of understanding and loving about a person as you get older.
You like this guy, and its nice to be liked in return.
Cheating is bad, but staying with someone out of guilt is worse. If you don't break it off, you're going to fuck yourself up in the head. If you do, you can find someone who isn't a high school drop out.
I'm sorry, I don't give a shit who you are, if you drop out of or fail out of high school, there is something wrong with you. Retarded kids get high school diplomas for free. There is literally zero excuse you can make.
If you find yourself thinking up excuses, stop yourself.
Why are you excusing it? Because you love him?
That won't last. I promise. You can only excuse someone's behavior for so long before you realize that your excuses give them a reason to not change. You realize that your understanding is enabling them to be worthless, and the only way to remove that is to remove yourself from the relationship, because you've been letting things be OK long enough that you can't force a change.
You're already there. You yell at him, I'm sure he just does what he wants. He does this because he knows the break up isn't coming, and your displeasure doesn't really scare him.
You need to find a smart kid your own age or a year older. What you've got now isn't healthy and isn't working. If you have to date a guy his age, find one who actually finished high school without a problem. Even if he's retarded.
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ok all my boyfriend wants to do is have sex or have me give him a blow job just because i did it once. he tells me he loves me but i just dont no anymore...
its like we cant just hang out any more... :(
does he love me for me or dose he love me for the sex and stuff (link)
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Young guys don't know how to be mature about sex. Once you give it up, its all they want until you treat them like a puppy, stick their nose in it, and say "NO!"
Tell him point blank that he's being a dick. Tell him that its not ok with you for his only interest to be sex, and if he wants to have a girlfriend next week he's going to restrain himself and show some interest outside of sex, have a conversation.
If he doesn't comply, dump him.
Its more than likely not anything personal. Most guys who act like your boyfriend just don't really know any better. Teach him better, and if he resists, drop him like a bad habit.
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well me and my boyfriend are going to try to have a baby soon and we are looking for some cute, unique names. now so far i have chosen names like Braylin/Braylyn for a girl and for a boy all of the Aidin names.. now so far my favorite names have been Zaidin, i dont want aidin by its self because my cousin has a little boy named aidin and she has named her newest baby girl Slaydin. so i just want some names that are similar to Zaidin and Braylyn. i do however like the name Braidance i kindof just made it up so please help me find some names! (link)
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Your kids names are going to sound like everyone else's. Did you know that aidin/aiden names are the most commonly used names right now across the US?
Instead of finding a name that sounds cool, get on google and search out historical names and name etymology. You can find names that have some kind of significance other than sounding like everyone else's kid's names.
Can you imagine how bad slaydin will be? Her nickname will be "slayer" or something similar, and she's probably going to hate her parents for it by the time she's 13.
And braidance? I give it five years before someone she goes to school with brands her with "Brain Dance" and it sticks until she's 30.
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Hey! I'm 20 and I have a boyfriend. We've been together a year. So here goes...
He's like a robot.. and he always wants to be sexual. Now.. before anyone assumes that he's a jackass.. he's not. He's plenty sweet.. and we have just as much of a sexual connection as we do a mental. He's a good guy, I promise. But sometimes I have trouble getting in the mood. Like.. I'll pretend to be sleeping, or sick.. just so we won't have to hook up. I'll even have friends sleep over, in my room on an air mattress just so he won't try anything.
Please don't think I'm no attracted to him or that he's not good at pleasing me. He is. And no, I've never had this problem with other guys I've been with.
I love him.. so I don't want this to ruin our relationship. He puts up with it.. but it's not fair what I'm doing to him. Lying, pretending, all that nasty stuff.. it's just not like me to do those things. I don't want to hide anything from him.
Help. (link)
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You need to figure out exactly why you aren't in the mood.
My girlfriend has these issues. When she's really stressed with life, it kills her sex drive. It gets worse, as sometimes she isn't ready to talk about whatever is wrong, so she avoids me completely. She doesn't want to touch and she doesn't want to talk.
Clear communication helps. She lets me know that shes upset, she lets me know how upset, and gives me as much info as she can. Sometimes it might be "I'm really pissed off, work was horrible, I can't talk about it yet, just give me some space"
But it gives me a clear indication of what is going on and how I should react.
It also helps, because she can give me signals to back off when she needs me to, it takes some of the pressure off her to have sex, and she's actually in the mood because sex itself isn't the problem between us.
Talk with him. Let him know whats on your mind. Stop faking, stop lying, and start being open and honest. You'd be surprised where understanding can get you.
You have to accept that there will be frustration. Its part of relationships. I can get frustrated during dry spells, but I try not to take it out on her, and I deal with it as best I can, because the good times are worth that.
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We have been dating for 7 months, we are true and strong. We don't fight about stupid little things, we don't do drugs or drink or party like a normal teenager. We truly want to grow old together. We talk every chance we get, we never grow annoyed of each other, and we never get sick of hanging out. We have a promise to never break up and truly try and solve the problem. But since I'm a teenager, I feel immature, but I'm not. And I can sense that people think we wont last (adults).
Is it possible that we will one day be married, and have a happy ever after? (link)
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Possible, and as long as you both fight equally for the relationship, its rather likely.
You have the right mindset. Hopefully you two think alike.
The most important realization in a relationship is that you both have to want it, work for it, and when necessary fight for it.
If you haven't had problems, you will. Trust me. I've known people to spend as much as 2 years in the "honeymoon phase". You can't KNOW you will last until you start pissing each other off. Its not until you do get each other's skin that you learn if you can deal with it, and if you still want to.
But if you keep your eyes on the goal, and slog your way through, its very possible.
Theres one other thing I'll warn you about. You both sound like good kids. That won't last forever. Everyone goes through "the party phase", and for a relationship that can be disruptive especially if you go through it at different times. Even if you put it off until your 40s, that just means mid life crises are that much more severe.
You will both change ALOT in the coming years. Its possible that you might grow apart, grow in ways that make you incompatible. Be prepared for that, and be honest with each other about problems. If you want it enough, theres usually some middle ground that can be found, or someone can learn to let something go.
Oh. Theres a last one. Sorry its long, I just get new ideas and keep going. Anyway, letting go.
This is a biggie. If you can learn to let things go, you can bridge just about any gap. My girlfriend and I have a few things that cause very regular tension between us. In some ways, we've had to learn to let things go, because of something about one of us that we can't figure out, or don't want to change. Sometimes, we can change ourselves to stop or start doing something the other needs us to do, other times, sometimes we change ourselves to be OK with something the other person does, or doesn't do, sometimes we meet in the middle somewhere.
If you and he learn to let things go, truly just accept it as reality and not let it bother you, you've got something truly and ridiculously strong. To love someone enough to accept a defect and have that defect be alright, because you love them, is a truly powerful bond.
You are immature, but you won't be forever and you've got a head start over most kids your age. If you truly want this, make sure he knows. Make sure you share how much you want it with each other, and make sure you let each other know when someone needs that flame fanned a bit.
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My boyfriend never wants to eat me out, he used to, but now he's just like "everyone at school makes fun of people that do it", and he says it's kind of gross. But I love it. What should I do? (link)
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You should break up with him, and explain that you don't date little boys that let popular opinion affect their opinion of something they do in private.
Its fucked that he used to, and now its gross. Sex is messy, thats part of the fun. You obviously don't mind it, and you need a guy who doesn't either.
You know, most people don't like being covered in mud. Get someone you know who pays any attention to their appearance, cover them in mud when they aren't expecting it, and you will have one incredibly pissed off person.
Take the same person, tell them to put on something they don't mind fucking up, and tell them you have a giant mud puddle and goggles to go have a mud fight in, and they'll probably think about it for a second and go throw mud at you. I mean, seriously, who in their right mind would turn down a mud fight in scuba goggles?
That was a really random analogy, but I'm sure you can get the gist.
Its also worth pointing out that aside from the grossness idiocy, the fact that he changed because of others opinions is fucking stupid. He's an idiot and a hypocrite, I'm sure he loves the idea of getting oral sex even if he's changed his position on giving it.
You aren't breaking up with him because of sex, you're breaking up with him because he's a hypocrite and because he's so pathetic that a bunch of people who are probably mostly virgins can affect his opinions on his own sex life and sexual desires.
You don't want someone who does what is popular and treats it like gospel. Break up with the loser and find a guy who doesn't give a shit about what others think when he's with you.
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19/f
how can a girl be really sexy? ive heard confidence, but i mean there has got to be more than that. what can a girl to do make a guy go crazy?
ALSO..dont preach me or anything about this just please answer the question: me and my guy friend have been attracted to each other and have wanted to hook up for a while now but never had and that was my fault. i havent talked to him in like a month, how can i tell him i want him now and want to hook up with him without being SO random. like if i just texted him and said...lets have sex? it might be a little weird. any of you girls have something you say to a guy whose your "friend with benefits" or something of that sort that lets him know you want him!! (link)
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::Edit::
Wow...
I just read the poster below me's answer. Wow. That looks like 50s "how to be a good housewife" propaganda.
My girlfriend curses like a drunken coked out sailor, dresses on the classy side of revealing, and makes sexual banter with everyone she comes across who isn't creepy or assholeish. And I love her for it.
God help the world that was filled with soft spoken proper women who never wore something that showed a little leg.
Ignore her, please.
::/Edit::
"Don't preach"
Thats teen-speak for "I've made my decision and don't want to be told how stupid I am, I already know"
Sweetheart, you're going to fuck yourself up in the head. You want to drive him crazy, you like him, and if you fuck him and all you are to him is sex, it is going to hurt you.
Guaran-fucking-teed.
If you want to fuck him, be blunt about it. Put on something cute and ask him to go home with you. Be aggressive, it shouldn't be hard to manage.
I'd suggest something else. Why would you fuck him when you definitely like him enough to support more? Do you not know how guys work? If you don't require anything except being alive and meeting some arbitrary standard of "cool" and "sexually attractive" to have sex with a guy, guys aren't going to react well when you develop feelings and suddenly sex has strings it didn't have before.
To answer your "how do I be sexy" question, the answer is again confidence. Well, confidence and experience. If you're as inexperienced as you sound, you can throw out all the moves you want and its still going to look like a girl who doesn't know what she's doing trying to be sexy.
Don't try to pretend you know what you're doing if you aren't. Ask a guy what he likes, give it a shot, be open to new things, and if an idea occurs to you, talk to him about it.
This is why relationship is better than friends with benefits. Friends with benefits doesn't usually include alot of talking or discussion, it usually just devolves into "I'm horny, I'll call them now I guess"
Do you really feel like being a walking fleshlight?
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Are they legit? Is anybody or does anybody know a mystery shopper? Any websites that are legit? Any info. welcomed! (link)
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Mystery shoppers are legit, but the websites are almost entirely not.
Mystery shoppers are usually pretty highly trained and part of the corporate team for whichever business it is. They have to know everything that is supposed to be happening. For example, Lowes employs its own mystery shoppers, and they have to have general knowledge about the entire store, so they can ask questions that people one the floor are supposed to be able to answer. They have to know all the "checkout steps" so they can make sure the cashier is following their procedures, etc.
Mystery shoppers are usually people who are actually involved with the specific company, its not just a thing where they send randoms into a store for an "evaluation".
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Can you own a business with only 2 years of college experience? (link)
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You can.
My question is how many years do you have working a business like you would like to own?
I've seen people with college degrees walk into management or business ownership and fail utterly because they'd never worked seriously in the field.
Thats alot more important, if you're planning to run something yourself you need to make sure you have experience doing it. Its really easy to fuck up a small business.
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okay so i knew my bf did a little weed, but i really didnt think he did alot right. So at a movie he took me to, he was like what do you think of drugs? and i was like noo and hes like do you do them? i said no and hes like do you want to? and i was like no and hes like why? and i was like because i dont want to ! and hes like oh
so you know how today is 420 . national pot day right .. well my was talking to his friend in art and i am right beside them and so the friends like are you doing any pot today ? and my bf's like yea some tonight with a bunch of people you ? and his friend was like hell yea.. and i tried to make it look like i wasnt listening but i totaly was . and every lunch he goes to his other friends house and im pretty sure he does it there too
and i really dont want a bf thats a pot head. like if i text him one night i dont wanna wonder if he is high and he will remember what were talking about .. and i really dont wanna worry about him over dosing.. sso i really have no idea what to do! please help!
thanks love boys
(link)
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I'm going to correct Rahzie with a fact for you, first off.
There have been no reported deaths from overdose from THC (the active chemical on marijuana leaves) in the history of medicine. It is not possible through smoking to ingest enough THC to pose a health risk outside of the things done while intoxicated.
The only deaths recorded to having anything to do with marijuana involve things like intoxicated driving.
Drug habits at a young age aren't a good idea. Its difficult for teens to manage a substance habit with anything remotely resembling responsibility. His smoking pot during lunch (and probably before and after school) is evidence enough of that.
If you don't like it, walk away. Right now, its not a good idea, and its not an influence you need in your life.
Him smoking doesn't neccesarily make him a bad guy or anything, but it does make him a relatively stupid average teen. If you can be OK saying no, and he can be OK with your desire to not smoke yourself, that might work for you. If not, don't be afraid to walk from something you can't reconcile.
You don't really have to worry about him. The worst thing that happens to pot heads is they sit around doing nothing and turn into completely worthless people. If he shows signs of that, its time to move on.
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why do guys always ask girls to send them pictures of them? and what kind of pictures do they want?? (link)
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Do not send any guy you aren't dating or very good long term friends with pictures of yourself.
Don't send "sexy pictures" to anyone.
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18/m
So there's this girl. I've liked her for a little bit now and I'm pretty sure that she feels the same, or at least sure enough that I wouldn't have any second thoughts asking her out. Her age isn't important but she's younger than me and I don't think she's ever had a real boyfriend before.
The problem is that I'm graduating in a couple of months and going to college about an hour away for 8-9 months before I return home while she stays in high school.
I know I could probably have a relationship with her. I've thought about it but I'm really not sure if it's worth it or not. If we get into a relationship and it really works out and then I have to leave, we're both going to be heartbroken. I guess we could always try to make it work but being over an hour away in completely different environments doesn't bode well.
I just...I want to be happy. It seems like as time goes by common sense tells me that this won't work. And the thing is that each day I wait means that we'd have less time together and makes letting her go make more sense.
But I don't want to. I don't fall for very many people and when I do it's hard to let go. The fact that I know I could have her if I wanted to makes it even harder. I just don't know how to handle this. (link)
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Honestly, it depends on the distance.
Over an hour away isn't shit. I used to live in Houston, you could live in the same city and be over an hour away. Two hours isn't much either, you can come back for day trips easily, or go get her for the weekend if she's allowed to get away.
Her age does matter. If she's a year younger and you're two hours or less away, I'd say why not. Its relatively easily maintainable. If she's two years or more behind you, and its more than two hours, honestly I'd say let it be.
One thing I will say, you don't have to rule anything out. If she likes you now, be her friend and she can like you later. If one of you wants to actively pursue it, you can.
But if shes as young as she seems, honestly it sucks being in college and having a truly high school aged innocent girlfriend.
I don't know, I hit college and the age of girls I'd date at the time cut off at 18. Dating girls who were younger just wasn't fun, I couldn't experience college and all the shit I got into with them, and quickly started finding girls I went to school with to be interested in.
Having that freedom was great.
And again, this doesn't have to be a final decision. You can be open to dating her down the line, when you're both older if the opportunity arises.
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OK. So I broke up with him, right? Then I texted him, asking him to come over so we could talk. So after some time, he agreed. Apparently, he came here and rang the doorbell, but I didn't here. When I checked my cell phone, I saw that he sent a message 5 minutes ago saying he came but no one answered the doorbell so he just left. I went crazy trying to text and call him but to no avail. Of course.
I guess I didn't really expect us to break up. I think I broke up with him as a subconscious thing where I hoped he'd make lots of effort to get me back. Or something. Of course, I'd miss him. Of course I caved. I always do.
But now, it looks as if he put his foot down. He doesn't want me anymore. Or something. I don't know. He's not answering to msgs or calls. I'll see him in school tomorrow to give him a Bible I borrowed and to get my keys back. [he had a set of keys so I assumed he'd just let himself in. I wasn't anticipating the doorbell.]
And now, here I am, going crazy. And I don't know. So out of it. And. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm kinda upset so my English and grammar and stuff might be somewhat off. Sorry.
So I'm back to self-esteem issues and going crazy and uh yeah. I didn't expect it to really happen, at the back of my head. So I don't know what to do anymore. I'm more confused than before. And I'm losing myself. I've never felt this way before. In that I've never felt this sad that I wanna break things or hit something or whatever. I don't know. So out of it.
Oh God. I sound so lame, don't I? I'm sorry. I'm just. I really don't know.
Any words of wisdom? Or something? Anything? :)) GAH. I'm so sorry. You're not entitled to reply. I'm just frustrated and venting. :)) I'm so sorry. I don't mean to subject you or anyone with this, but I just can't handle it right now. (link)
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First off, calm down.
Stop calling, stop texting. Leave whatever you said, said. He needs to chill out, and so do you.
Next, you need to think about what you just did. Did you really want to break up in some way, or were you using this to get validation?
If validation, thats bad. You can fuck your relationships up alot with that. Its fucked, you don't say the words unless you've thought it out and planned to do it ahead of time. And from your previous question, I thought thats what you did. Now it sounds like spur of the moment and you justified it after.
You can go ahead and slap yourself upside the head for me at this point.
The good news is, you more than likely haven't done any permanent damage. Apologizing and explaining that you went nuts and you screwed up royally will probably go a long way towards repairing the damage. Tell him that you did it because you felt insecure in the relationship and you wanted to feel needed enough that he'd chase you. Its not his fault, you're just neurotic and impulsive.
Again, more than likely you haven't done any lasting damage.
Though, honestly if everything you said previously was true, my original advice stands. The break up might well be a good idea. You're lonely, and hurt, thats natural. But you two might well need some time away.
Chill out, take a few deep breaths. Apologize to him when he'll talk to you, don't smother him with calls and texts, and see where that goes. Be honest with him, more than likely this will just be a hiccup if thats what you want.
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Im a 15 year old girl, turning 16 next week and I have been dating my boyfriend (hes a grade older than I am) for a bit over a month, but I have liked him for about 3-4 months and was seeing him for about a month and a half before we actually started dating.
Yesterday, I was over at his house and his parents had left for a few hours, we ended up watching a series of movies and made out for the duration of almost all the movies. Things started getting more heated, but I'm currently on my period so I stopped him from actually putting his hands down my pants. Now, my boyfriend has alot more experience than I, and I havent done anything more than make out. He said he understood, so we just kept to alot of touching and feeling above clothing.
The thing is, if I wasn't on my period I really think I would have let him. All my life I have been saying I wouldnt do anything more than make out unless I was dating the guy for a very long time and felt I was in love with him.
I dont love him but I like him alot, and hes the sweetest most caring guy ever, and me and my friends all agree I couldnt have got a better guy.
So, pretty much Im wondering if Im changing by benig more open to the idea. I always have been considered this innocent, perfect little girl, so its kinda weird knowing that in that situation I wanted to do more so bad, so now Im kind of wondering if by doing this Im going against my morals. Im deffinately not planning to do anything more then that type of thing, so no oral or actual sex or anything. I know im not ready for that.
What do you think? (link)
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I love how people tell you to make sure to wait until you know its the right time, and never give you clues as to how you'll know.
Honestly, the right time is when you say "Fuck it" and go ahead. Or, we'll say its the right time, because you're going to make this decision whenever you make it, and not a minute sooner.
The only constant is, the longer you wait for sex the more information you have to make your decision with.
Everyone else thinks of you as this innocent girl and you wonder if you're going against your own morals.
Sweetheart, you don't have any morals, you just have everyone else's expectations and have no idea how to measure what you want with what you should do.
You aren't going to be innocent forever. Thats a given. That doesn't mean now is the right time for you, you've got some reflection on what kind of person you think you want to be before you're ready for anything serious.
In all honesty, you should be focusing more on the like vs love question than the sex question. Sex will come if you're together long enough, but love is something to figure out if you're leaning in that direction.
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