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continuation
OK. So I broke up with him, right? Then I texted him, asking him to come over so we could talk. So after some time, he agreed. Apparently, he came here and rang the doorbell, but I didn't here. When I checked my cell phone, I saw that he sent a message 5 minutes ago saying he came but no one answered the doorbell so he just left. I went crazy trying to text and call him but to no avail. Of course.
I guess I didn't really expect us to break up. I think I broke up with him as a subconscious thing where I hoped he'd make lots of effort to get me back. Or something. Of course, I'd miss him. Of course I caved. I always do.
But now, it looks as if he put his foot down. He doesn't want me anymore. Or something. I don't know. He's not answering to msgs or calls. I'll see him in school tomorrow to give him a Bible I borrowed and to get my keys back. [he had a set of keys so I assumed he'd just let himself in. I wasn't anticipating the doorbell.]
And now, here I am, going crazy. And I don't know. So out of it. And. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm kinda upset so my English and grammar and stuff might be somewhat off. Sorry.
So I'm back to self-esteem issues and going crazy and uh yeah. I didn't expect it to really happen, at the back of my head. So I don't know what to do anymore. I'm more confused than before. And I'm losing myself. I've never felt this way before. In that I've never felt this sad that I wanna break things or hit something or whatever. I don't know. So out of it.
Oh God. I sound so lame, don't I? I'm sorry. I'm just. I really don't know.
Any words of wisdom? Or something? Anything? :)) GAH. I'm so sorry. You're not entitled to reply. I'm just frustrated and venting. :)) I'm so sorry. I don't mean to subject you or anyone with this, but I just can't handle it right now.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First off, calm down.
Stop calling, stop texting. Leave whatever you said, said. He needs to chill out, and so do you.
Next, you need to think about what you just did. Did you really want to break up in some way, or were you using this to get validation?
If validation, thats bad. You can fuck your relationships up alot with that. Its fucked, you don't say the words unless you've thought it out and planned to do it ahead of time. And from your previous question, I thought thats what you did. Now it sounds like spur of the moment and you justified it after.
You can go ahead and slap yourself upside the head for me at this point.
The good news is, you more than likely haven't done any permanent damage. Apologizing and explaining that you went nuts and you screwed up royally will probably go a long way towards repairing the damage. Tell him that you did it because you felt insecure in the relationship and you wanted to feel needed enough that he'd chase you. Its not his fault, you're just neurotic and impulsive.
Again, more than likely you haven't done any lasting damage.
Though, honestly if everything you said previously was true, my original advice stands. The break up might well be a good idea. You're lonely, and hurt, thats natural. But you two might well need some time away.
Chill out, take a few deep breaths. Apologize to him when he'll talk to you, don't smother him with calls and texts, and see where that goes. Be honest with him, more than likely this will just be a hiccup if thats what you want.
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