|
Is my long-term relationship going anywhere?
I've been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now and I'm not sure where it's headed. I'm 32, he's almost 35. I'm a divorced single mom of two kids, he's never been married and doesn't have kids. We both have our own place and are both very independent people. During the week, he usually comes to my house for dinner and stays for an hour or 2. Friday and Saturday nights my kids and I are at his house. And we usually spend the night on Saturdays. He has a three bedroom house and has practically given my kids a room for when they're over there.
We spend 90% of our free time together and rarely ever fight. We are really great together, but I'm beginning to think it's because we never talk about stuff. He's admitted that he's afraid of committment and he rarely talks about his past. Neither one of us has said "I love you" to each other yet. Although, he did tell me the only things he loves in his life are his dogs and his Jeep. Everytime I try to talk about how I feel about him, he completely changes the subject. Every single time! He never wants to talk about it. The time we spend together is mostly spent watching a movie or a show on tv. So I only have a few chances to talk to him.
I don't want everything to go fast. But I don't understand why he doesn't even want to talk to me about us. He complains about not having any money and that I don't go to his house enough. But when I mention moving in together, he says it would be a long time from now. I don't know what to do. I want to get married again, not now, but eventually, but if he can't even committ to the "L" word after 11 months, it'll be another year or two before we'll be living together. I would just like to have confidence that our relationship will progress. Right now, I'm not confident at all. Instead, I'm getting a little irritated. This man is the man for me...in alot of ways, and I could see us together for a long time, but each day that goes by, I get more and more angry at him. I am in love with him, and I don't want to fall out of love with him. Help!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I agree with the others. Its past time for this guy to tell you where he sees the relationship going. Right now it seems he stops in to eat as if you were a restaurant.
Make chances to talk to him. Get a babysitter for the kids so he can't use the fact that they are around not to talk. Turn off the TV and tell him you want answers or you will be history.
32 is not old by any means. However, its old enough not to waste precious time in a dead end relationship. If you were not looking for marriage again, this relationship might be ok. Since you are though you need some answers.
Be prepared for him to say he doesn't want to commit. He is 35 and as far as you know has never been married. Since after 11 months he hasn't shown signs of wanting a future with you, I wouldn't get my hopes up to high.
If you decide to end this current relationship, I have advice for the future. Keep your kids out of the next one until it looks like there is a future in it.
Ending this relationship may hurt not only you but the kids too, since they have developed their own relationships with this guy. You do not need the added pressure of staying with someone because the kids like him. Know what I mean? Its hard enough on you!
Good luck.
]
I can give you my opinion. This man does NOT want to Commit. Your wasting your time, while he's getting what he wants from this relationship,(if you know what I mean.) I wouldn't Waste Anymore Time. He doesn't Love You. Dump him ! I think Dr. Laura, would tell you the same thing. :) Concentrate on raising your kids putting them first. Your young, Love will come, be patient. Be Happy. Good Luck
]
11 months and no "I love you"
You're past too fast and into Shit or get off the pot territory.
You love him? Say it. Start bringing this shit up. Like it or not, true relationships are forged, and forging is a process of immense pressure and heat.
You've got to put pressure on this is if you expect anything to come of it. If he reacts badly and doesn't want the same things you want, you've got your answer in plain english, right there.
]
It's been almost a year darling, you missed the timeline for 'too fast' a long, long time ago. You are now firmly in the 'slump' territory.
You need to talk, and more important than sharing your needs at this point is asking him very directly what HIS are: Does he have an interest in living together? Does he have any interest in getting married again? What role does he see a romantic love having in his life?
Women often get caught in the trap of 'sharing our feelings' and a man will just plod along, letting us do the emotional work for the whole couple. Of course it’s important for you to share your feelings, but really, he probably knows, or thinks he knows, by this point what it is you want. So put him in the hot seat and ask him very pointedly about his goals for his romantic life in general and your relationship specifically, and listen very carefully to his answers.
]
More Questions: |