Member Since: April 23, 2009
Answers: 2
Last Update: April 23, 2009
Visitors: 870
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16/f, junior in high school
I'm a member of my school's debate team. We're really, really good and the team has gotten really far and has even won the state championships. Only three members can actually debate at the competitions. Everyone else has to spectate. So, I was a debator last year and did pretty well. This year is my junior year and I just lost focus with it. I had other extacurricular activities to tend to, such as all-state percussion auditions and other musical activities, and I have a lot of schoolwork this year. I only got to argue at one debate this year. Then, my coach replaced me with someone else. Now, I'm not at all complaining about this. I really didn't do so well and he could tell I was really busy with other things and I understand completely. The problem is, now I'm really, really depressed about it. Being a prominent member of this team was my dream since freshman year. The team keeps winning and winning and moving on and they might even be going to states! It absolutely KILLS me to see my friends up there while I'm watching and having the joy and honor of being winners, and having their names announced on the morning announcements, and getting to compete! It's like a crushed dream and I'm extremely jealous. I try so hard to console my self with "look on the bright side" statements such as "I'll do better next year" and "I'm good at other things too" (which I am) but it doesn't work. Not only do I feel like a failure now but I've never been more jealous in my life!! It absolutely kills me now to ever hear ANYTHING about debate team. And it's so selfish, but every time I hear they won, I feel like I'm about to cry or like someone just slapped me in the face. Does anyone have anything they can say to me to make me feel better? Any similar life experiences? I'll appreciate any advice but if you tell me to be happy about the other things I'm good at or that I'll do better next year, it won't work,I try it all the time. I'm a very competitive and jealous person by nature and it kills me to see my peers doing better at something than I do. This is the case with anything, not just debate. But the main issue right now is debate. If you could just give me anything, it would be great. And is there a way I can break this horrible habit of being so jealous ALL THE TIME? thank you so so much and sorry so long.
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I read your question twice. I noticed, the two key words you used were Competitive and Jealousy. Being competitive is a good possitive quality. It makes us want to strive do better and succeed. However, jealousy can be unhealthy, and a sign of insecurity. We all have it to some degree. You mentioned you are feeling this emotion of Jealousy All The Time. It isn't a habit... You may want to think about how this is interfering with you not only in debate, but with your relationships, etc. You might want to consider some counseling. I think this would be of great benefit to you. You sound like you have alot on your plate. Good Luck
Try this website. Interesting read... In the
What Are you searching for bar, type in
When Jealousy Rears Its Ugly Head.
lifescript.com
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I've been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now and I'm not sure where it's headed. I'm 32, he's almost 35. I'm a divorced single mom of two kids, he's never been married and doesn't have kids. We both have our own place and are both very independent people. During the week, he usually comes to my house for dinner and stays for an hour or 2. Friday and Saturday nights my kids and I are at his house. And we usually spend the night on Saturdays. He has a three bedroom house and has practically given my kids a room for when they're over there.
We spend 90% of our free time together and rarely ever fight. We are really great together, but I'm beginning to think it's because we never talk about stuff. He's admitted that he's afraid of committment and he rarely talks about his past. Neither one of us has said "I love you" to each other yet. Although, he did tell me the only things he loves in his life are his dogs and his Jeep. Everytime I try to talk about how I feel about him, he completely changes the subject. Every single time! He never wants to talk about it. The time we spend together is mostly spent watching a movie or a show on tv. So I only have a few chances to talk to him.
I don't want everything to go fast. But I don't understand why he doesn't even want to talk to me about us. He complains about not having any money and that I don't go to his house enough. But when I mention moving in together, he says it would be a long time from now. I don't know what to do. I want to get married again, not now, but eventually, but if he can't even committ to the "L" word after 11 months, it'll be another year or two before we'll be living together. I would just like to have confidence that our relationship will progress. Right now, I'm not confident at all. Instead, I'm getting a little irritated. This man is the man for me...in alot of ways, and I could see us together for a long time, but each day that goes by, I get more and more angry at him. I am in love with him, and I don't want to fall out of love with him. Help!! (link)
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I can give you my opinion. This man does NOT want to Commit. Your wasting your time, while he's getting what he wants from this relationship,(if you know what I mean.) I wouldn't Waste Anymore Time. He doesn't Love You. Dump him ! I think Dr. Laura, would tell you the same thing. :) Concentrate on raising your kids putting them first. Your young, Love will come, be patient. Be Happy. Good Luck
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