Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84168
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im failing math, not by much, i have a 69 and a c is a 70, i just took a test and think i did pretty good so it should be a c now but i have to get a report card signed with the f on it and in like a week were getting our official grade cards with my f on it.i cant show my parents it, ive always been a great student until this year, now im getting only 2 a's , one b i pulled up from a c, a high c, and now this f.and im just so upset with myself for it and now i have to tell my parents who are putting it on me to raise my grades and reminding me that this is my worst grades every and i just cant do it(tell them), i especially dont want my dad to know and its almost the end of the year so i hardly have time to bring it up and if i do bad again im screwed for sure, how do i tell them? how do i bring up my grade?(im not sure my teacher is giving extra credit work anymore) and how do i not fail by the end of the year?
how do i tell them?
ive never even had a c befor this year
how do i tell them?
sorry its so long (link)
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You said you are not sure whether or not your teacher is giving extra credit. Well......FIND OUT! Duhh!. I don't know of any teacher that won't let you bring up a grade by volunteering to do extra work. Ask her/him nicely. Be respectful, and no matter what they suggest, don't whine about it. DO IT.
Michele
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This may sound like a dumb question but how do you know when your truely in LOVE? (link)
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When they annoy the hell out of you, and you still want them around. Everyone has annoying habits. And when we are young, we can find something that is really just annoying, to be something worth breakiing up over. Because we want out lover to BE PERFECT. And we think perfection is achievable. But when we mature, we realize that no one is perfect, but someone can be perfect for us. So when they do those annoying things, we still want them around.
But please don't confuse annoying habits like, gum chewing, farting, liking sports too much, or not having perfect teeth or hair........ with intolerable habits like taking drugs, drinking alcohol, hitting you, or putting you down, or being a theif or criminal.
I hope this helped.
Michele
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I'm 13 and my brother is 15. He picks on me a lot and sometimes makes me mad but i love him very much. I just wish we were closer. I try to talk to him but he don't talk to me much. How do I get my brother and me to be closer? (link)
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Well I know what works with parents and kids when they don't get along. Try this.
Ask him his opinion about something. Let him know, (indirectly) that you think he is smart. And you value his advice. DO something that he advises, and when it comes out good (hopefully) tell him and say thank you. When someone feels good about themselves, they usually don't tease anyone. Tell him that other people think highly of him, and then he won't want to dissapoint people by acting like a jerk.
Hope this helps
Michele
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WILL RATE HIGH my ex boyfriend is really worrying me. i broke up with him because he started to make me think that all he wanted from me was sex. im 14 hes 15. he was asking me if was a virgin (which i am), if i would leave him a sexy message on his messge maching, and he wasnt actualy talkin to me on the fone, it was all thr txt msgs.when i tried to talk to him he wouldnt pic up. and i cant stand relatiotships where there is no communication and he knew that was important to me. i went out with him once before and he broke up with me "because he thought i didnt like him" which didnt make much sense because i always made the first moves, he seemes like a whole different person now. anyway, i knew he drank occasionally and what i thoguht used to do some drugs. but i dont know, he says he has an anger problem and that he's going to get homeschooled. i think that would be worse for him. i know he has problems at home, but his parents are still marrried. he hurts himself, like he beats himself up and i dont understand. i dont think its anger problems i think he nees counsoling. i still care about him and i dont want him to do this to himself. i dont know what i should do...i dont want him to hurt himself (link)
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If you boyfriend's parents are jerks, (and they sound like it) they have had 15 years to ruin this kid's life, and turn him into an angry young man. Boys (AND GIRLS) are not born that way, they are made that way by the most important persons in their lives, when they are growing up. They parents. Seems like he got a raw deal with the parents he ended up with. Honey, you don't have the time and patience and experience to help him. They have had 15 years, you have only had few months. He may agree with you, but he can't help what he feels. I agree with you, he needs counseling. He does seem different to you know, because at his age, his anger at his parents is growing very fast. When he was young he didn't understand, now he is beginning to. He can't be kind to you and thoughful and sweet, because he did not experience that at home. He can't feel what was never demonstrated to him. You can try and change him, GOOD LUCK. you will need it, and a lot of patience.
Michele
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i've been seeing my girlfriend for 2 years now and we've always been open about everything but lately she's been acting differently i'll reach out to touch her and she'll jump like she thinks i'm going to hit her and the other night i noticed that she had bruises on her stomach and i hugged her and she acted like i hurt her i think that someone has hitting her and she's afraid to tell me i just don't understand it because she has always told me everything how do i find out if she is being hit and how do i help her if she is being abused? (link)
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Well I don't have enough information. How old are the both of you? Does she live at home? With her parents? One or both? Is there opportunity for some one to abuse her? Let's assume that she lives at home with one or both parents.
You have met her parents, I assume, since you have known each other for two years. What do you think of her dad? Is there an older brother, or a brother close in age, but who is a big guy. (Young girls have been abused by big bothers as well as fathers.) What does her mother seem like. Is she timid, shy, seem afaid for her daughter? Over protective. Is her father over protective. Are you two even allowed to have a relationship, or is it a secret. Usually if a parent, and especially a father is abusing his daughter, he keeps her close to home, and forbids her to have contact with other kids, boys or girls. He convices her that it is for her own good, but it is really because he fears she may tell someone.
Does she have any girl friends that you could ask? And if so, pay attention to their answers, because sometimes, no answer....will give you your answer.
If your girl friend injured herself by accident, wouldn't she just mention it? Would she say, boy I am so clumsy I fell down the stairs the other day. And then show you the bruises. That would be normal. Hiding them is not normal. And being jumpy like you said is not normal. You are right to be concerned. Women who have been continually abused, are known to suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. They are jumpy and can't help it. It does sound from your brief descritpion that she may infact be being abused. Now you have to answer the rest of my questions, to yourself, and see if the pieces of the puzzle fit. So then what do you do? YOu have to start by telling an adult that you trust, what you suspect. And hopefully they will be able to advise you further.
You also don't mention how old you both are. If the abuse is reported and she is a minor, she may be removed from her home, and while I think she should be, she may not think of this as a solution. Especially if it is a foster home. FOr many of us, the evil we know is much better than the evil we don't know. Is there a place where she can go, grandparents, aunts? It is very brave of you to want to help your girl. I would do it also. People have to take a stand against abuse. Also I am sure that the abuse your friend may be experiencing is not just physical, psychological abuse always goes along with it. You are taking on a lot of responsibility. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
If you gather more information and then want more advice, please write again. Otherwise,I wish you luck and again thank you for standing up for some one who can't stand up for themselves.
Michele
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ok, me and my husband have married for about 3 years now we have a son whos 2, we've been together for 6 years and things have always been great but for about a month he's been coming home late smelling like other women and i know that he's been cheating on me. so i confronted him about it and told him that it wasn't going to happen but then he got violent and hit me i tried to leave but he found out and beat me i went to the police and they gave me a restraining order which is a piece of paper like a piece of paper is going to protect me. i'm really scared if i leave him he'll get custody of our son because he has more money and they said that they can't deny him rights until he proves to be a danger to our child which he hasn't. so i can't leave him. i don't know what to do. how can i get away from him without putting my or my child's life in danger? (link)
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HI,I am glad you wrote. Let me tell you what happened to me. Now I live in CT, and the laws are different in each state. My husband beat me too when I tried to leave him, and like yours he gave me plenty of reasons to leave. He also got arrested, and I got a restraining order, and you're right it is just a piece of paper. He did end up beating me again, and again I called the police. But the good thing, is after the first beating, after he was arrested, the judge made him move out of the house, so I felt safer. At least I could start to think straight about my next move. (And the reason it happened again is because I let my guard down, I didn't think he'd be stupid enough to do it again, but he took the opportunity to hit me again, because by now he hated me so much because he knew that I was going ahead with the divorce and was not going to change my mind.)
Well he made all those threats to me.
"I'll get those kids from you"
"I'll get custody you'll never see them"
I'll KIll you, eventually,
etc, etc, etc.
Well he said all this to try and stop me from going ahead with it, but I knew I was safer without him and divorced from him.
Deep inside, I knew that he would never hurt his kids, I knew he loved them, it was me he hated.
DO you think your husband would hurt his child, just to get back at you? Think this over, because it should guide your next moves.
I really think you need to get a lawyer, but more about that later.
DO you think your husband wll also get a lawyer.
My ex, was not very smart. He can barely read or write, so he was to afraid to look stupid in front of a lawyer so he never hired one. Of course he said he was going to. He also said he was going to fight me for custody. I really did not know until the day we went to court that he was not going to. But I knew (and he knew) in court that my attorney was going to tell the judge that he had been arrested twice for beating me. That he had been arrested before for assault on someone else. That he had been arrested for selling steroids. (him and his friends were weight lifters) So he was afraid that he would never see his kids again. So the day we went to court, he decided to cooperate. I got what I wanted, FULL CUSTODY, which meant that he could not take the kids out of state. We sort of got supervised visits, because he moved in with his parents after the judge threw him out, and so his parents were always there when I dropped the kids off, and he would not hit me in front of them.
Let me tell you what our state insists on now, when couples with children divorce.
First all married couples have the opportunity to see a marriage counselor, at least three times before going ahead with the divorce. Just one member of the marriage has to want it, and both have to go. I went through that, but I was not coerced into changing my mind. Second, couples with children have to go to some parenting classes that teach both parents not to sue the kids as pawns in the divorce. That you are only divorcing each other, and not the children. You need to get along for the sake of the children.
DOes any of this sound like a possibility to you?
With all those authorities around, do you think you soon to be ex will behave? Sometimes they don't.
SO let's assume that you husband is just full of hot air, and won't really follow through, then you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and go forward with the divorce.
But if you think he will not cooperate, no way, and will actually hurt you again, and may even hurt your child, then you need to seek shelter.
I think first you really have to get a lawyer. A female lawyer may be more sympathtic, but that is not always the case. Talk to everyone you know to try and found out who is the best lawyer in town. Your first consultation should be free. You might even find a lawyer who is willing to try and get the fees from your husband. And all lawyers have to do some Pro Bono work each year. maybe you will get lucky and get one who will use your case as one they do for free this year.
In my state they have this information number called 211. It is for situations like this. They can put you in touch with a shelter or womand advocate group, maybe even a lawyer that specializes in cases like this.
No matter what happens next, you have to be strong. YOu have to stay one step ahead of him. I already know that you are smarter than him because he thought he could cheat on you and you wouldn't find out, and he was wrong, and really stupid. Count on him being stupid all the time, and just using coersion and threats to control you. Don't believe his threats. The next year will be very hard for you. YOu have to be stronger, and you will be stronger when it is over. You will have more confidence, and don't ever let anyone do that to you again. Don't put yourself in a position again where someone has power over you. That means don't go looking for some knight in shining armour to rescue you. Yes it happens, but more ofen it does not. Don't assume that it will. Be suspicious of every man. DOn't get involved in a new relationship for a long time, and when you do, give it a lot of time to get to know the man, to be SURE that he is not more interested in OWNING YOU, than in being your life partner.
I hope this helps. Write again and let me know what happend michele@personaladvicecolumn.com
Sorry for your troubles. I know you did nothing to deserve it, but only you can get yourself out of it. This is NOT THE MIDDLE EAST. WE HAVE RIGHTS., STAND UP FOR YOURSELF>
Michele
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i'm 15/f and ive been doin drugs and drinkin since i was 9 i kno it's wrong but its hard for me not to do it its how i get away from life i don't think my life is horrible or anythin my friends think that it is tho...my parents both drink and do drugs and sometimes my dad can be abusive but its not a big deal...anyway my friend found out about it and he keeps asking me to stop and get help but im really nervous bout it ive went for help before and no one would help me...i dont think that i can stop i dont kno how. i kno he'll be there for me but i jus dont kno and im really scared of whats goin to happen if i do stop...what should i do?
(link)
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Hi Honey,
I am sorry that you find it necessary to do drugs so much. And you say that it is not that bad for you at home, but I think you are wrong. You say you tried to stop before, but no one would help you. When you want to stop doing drugs you really have to help yourself, maybe the people you were involved with felt that you were not committed enough. There are soooooo many people who really want to stop. sometimes they are older, and have more to loose than you do, because they have jobs, or kids, or possessions, or spouses who are about to leave them. I really think that your parents have a lot to do with why you do drugs. NOt because you are copying them, but because they are not there for you emotionally, because they are high. They are not good parents. Kids need all kinds of time, assurance, security, encouragement, and love from their parents. Kids need attention. Being high on drugs yourself, keeps your feelings, needs and wants suppressed, so that let's your parents off the hook. I think your problems are going to get much worse, real soon. What if you get arrested, you are young, so you probably won't end up in jail, but you could end up with a record that will follow you the rest of your life.
This much I know for sure, if you have been managing to obtain drugs and get high since you were nine years old, I would say that you are a very smart, resoursful and accomplished individual. What if you put all that energy into getting an education, and used your knowledge and experience to help other people. Here is my suggestion. Lets start small, and take baby steps. First get hold of this book. TOXIC PARENTS by Dr. Susan Forward. This book saved my life. When I read this book, I realized that I was not as bad as my parents kept telling me that I was. They were the one with the problems. My parents drank a lot, and we kids took drugs. There was fighting, suicide attempts, etc. etc. A lot of suppressed anger. And of course we kids were always, always the ones with the problems. They, of course, were perfect. Please read this book, then re-think whether or not you want to continue this course of using drugs. If you find the strenght to change your mind and seek help again. I think the people who are out there to help people like you will realize that you are serious this time.
This book has been out for a long time, so it is not expensive. I may be out in paperback. It was the first book I read that told me that I wasn't crazy. I started to treat myself better. The way I should have been treated by my parents, when I was growing up.
I hope you take this advice. It will change your life, for the better. Then if you like that book, try Co-Dependent No MOre, my Melody Beatty.
Then try Adult Children of Alcoholic meetings, or even books on that subject, there are a lot of them.
I wish you well. Write again if you like.
Michele
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ok, i used to be really big into drugs i did them all i don't think there's a drug that i didn't try but my best friend convinced me that it's bad and i've been clean for 2 years now but now i have a new bf and he's been starting to use and i'm afraid that if i'm around that that i'll start again and i really don't want that life anymore. the problem is i love him and i don't want to leave him just because he's been using but i can't convince him to stop is there a way that i can solve this without leaving him? (link)
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NO, I am sorry there isn't. But you are not the first person to ask, or the first person to try. But you still have a chance at a happy life. You are not married to this person, you do not have children with him, but some day I know you want to get married and start a family, and if you love him so much, I am sure that those thoughts have crossed your mind. I wish I could gather here to talk to you all the women I know who are married to men who take drugs, and honey believe me, if they could go back in life to the point that you are at....loving him, wanting to help, not wanting to abandon him, thinking you can change him, love conquers all......well they have found out the hard way that it does not work that way. They suffer and their children suffer and even the addict suffers, but since he is the once choosing to do drugs, he should be suffering alone, trouble is, misery loves company.
No one, and I mean NO ONE, has ever stopped doing drugs for someone else, they only stop for themselves, they have to want to, and some have to want to pretty bad. Meaning they have to go through hell before they are convinced that drugs is not the way to go. And some don't make it.
You should only support him if he is going for help. if he is using and thinks he is OK, nothing will happen to him (and you know better), then you should leave. As nice as you are, and as kind and caring....please find someone who will appreciate your concern, not someone who will use up all your kindness and caring until you are an empty shell.
You are on the right track. 2 years drug free is awesome. Set some goals for yourself. Life is wonderful. No good ever came from giving yourself up for someone who is living in a fog.
I know because you have been there, you think you understand him. And while you believe it is not good to take drugs, you don't "OWN IT" yet. You don't own that belief. You have not made it part of your belief system. For what, for a guy, you say you love...but he is not capable of loving you back. He can't until he also owns the belief that drugs are not the way to go. You could end up worse off. He could drain from you all you have to give, all the life that is left in you and still be taking drugs when he is trough with you,or when you have had enough. I say, run as fast as you can in the other direction. And I say that because I care about what happens to you.
Michele
I hope this helped
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Okay, well i have to do a speech, and im doing it on how girls are just terriably mean to eachother with the backstabbing, and the calling of names such as "whore, slut, skank.. ect" and everything else that has to do with bullying. if anyone has any stories about their lives and being bullying by other girls please comment me. or e-mail me on xobabicakesox@hotmail.com
thanks so much
ashley (link)
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Well, I am much older than you are, but I remember when I was in High School, it was definitly like that. So I was very surprised to find out that when I left high school, and went to college and went into the work force, got married, had kids, got divorced......it was the women friends in my life who stayed with me and supported me. Now I much prefer my women friends to men friends, even though I liked boys/men better when I was young. In fact I had more friends who were boys than girls when I was young. I guess what I want to say is that Mature Women don't act that way, and if girls really want to grow up, then we should support each other. Young girls are always trying to look and act grown up, so they smoke, they drink and they have sex - thinking that makes them grown up, when really only "growing up" makes you grow up. SO that means acting mature, which means "NO TEASING, NO BULLYING, NO PICKING ON OTHER GIRLS, NO STEALING BOY FRIENDS, NO BACK STABBING, NO TALKING BEHIND SOMEONES BACK, NO GOSSIP, AND NO DUMPING YOUR BEST FRIEND JUST BECAUSE A BOY IS PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU. Now that is how grown women act.
So if you can get that point across maybe you can make an impression on these girls.
I hope this helps. good luck with your speech.
Michele
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my girlfriend is sixteen...and since i last wrote you she was put in the hospital she has 3 broken ribs...she says it's because she fell down the stairs but i don't think that's true i can see it in her eyes i'm really scared for her if i was to hurt her father because of what he did to her would that be illegal even though he does these things to her? i hate seeing her like this i don't want her to have to deal with him please help me i don't know what to do (link)
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If you started the fight, the father would call the police and there is too great a chance that they would believe him, and not you. In addition to being violent, he is very manipulative, and he will have the upper hand soon.
Of course if you get him to throw the first punch, and you call the police and don't hit back, let him hit you...then you are obviously the injured party, and they would arrest him, but it has too much of a chance of going the other way. He may be too smart to fall for that. I you could convice her that she has a safe place to go, perhaps your house, maybe she will be willing to tell the truth. If she tells the doctors at the hospital, they have to by law, report her father. But then she has to stand her ground and not be intimidated when the police show up. She has to know that you will be there for her. She is totally controlled by this man. It needs to stop, but you have to convice someone in authority that this is happening. Is there anyone at school or something, who knows you to be a good kid and trustworthy, who will believe your story, and your suspicions, and go to the authorities with you, and say that you would not lie about an issue like this, and explain that she is to afraid to come foreward. It if very hard for authorities to believe that a child wo is 16 years old would not act on her own behalf and tell the authorities about what her dad is doing to her. It sounds like a very sick relationship between her and her dad and you may find out in the end that you are not able to help her. I am very sorry for your troubles, I hope this helps. It is good of you to want to help, but in the end if you cannot, please don't blame yourself.
You will know when that time comes, when you have done everything you could to get her into a position to tell the truth, and be free, and she still chooses not too. But that does not mean that it is the end for her, it is just not her time to break free. Sometimes we have to find our own way, no matter how hard it is.
Good luck to you,
Please let me know how you make out
Michele
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Do yOU find anything wrong with A white girl and a Black guy being in-love dating, and wanting to get married?
please, share your oppinion, and support it!
I am open to hear both sides!
(link)
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, BUT you have to both be VERY VERY strong, for your relationship to withstand all the other people who will have a problem with it. Including your families. And I know mixed racial couples, married ones, and some have stayed together and some have not. Marriage is hard enough without that added burden of being a mixed racial couple. So take your time and make your relationship the most important thing in your lives. It does not happen overnight. Give it some time, and when and if you do marry, wait a few years to have children. Because if your marriage isn't strong...if you don't have complete respect for each other, then your children will be harmed by the disrespect they are bound to run into out in the world. But I will say this, things are easier today, and it is more accepted than it was 30 years ago, but I think that as humans, we still have along way to go. Good luck to both of you.
Michele
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ok, i have a friend who has been getting beat by her parents since she could walk maybe even before that but because of it she's been doing drugs, cutting, she doesn't eat, she can't sleep, she drinks and smokes she just does anything to get away from it she's been in and out of hospitals her whole life because she's hurt herself or because her dad has hurt her I think he's even raped her. I call her all the time to make sure she's ok and i called her one time and she was either drunk or high i don't know which one but she was out of it and when she's like that it's the only time she's open about how she feels and she tells me everything that's going on i feel bad and i try to stop her from saying too much but i think it's better that she tells me rather than someone else but anyways i've convinced her to try and get helped and she went to the cops and DSS and the school and everyone but no one will help her because she's done some stupid things so they believe her father over her. She's given up completely she's stopped trying all together it's like she doesn't care anymore she always says she's fine and doesn't want help but she needs help i'm afraid she's really going to hurt herself or he's going to end up killing her but no one will help her. who could i talk to to get her help and how do i keep her from hurting herself until i can find her some real help?...i'm sorry it's so long but i'm really worried about her (link)
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Well I do want to help, but I need more information. How old is your girlfriend? If she is old enough, she may be able to get help from a place that helps adult women who are abused. Husband or father, it is still a man who is overpowering someone who is weaker then them. And what state do you live in. And maybe also what city. Just write back and tell me this and I will try and give you some advice that you can use to helpl her.
Michele
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My mom was born in a foreign country, and their thoughts on things are a LOT diffent from the United States, and her thoughts are LOTS different than what I want to do. For example, she refuses to let me date, so I have to keep all my feelings for boys bottled up in my diary. She doesn't let me wear shorts (only capris) in the summer, so I end up burning up in my classrooms. I really need to tell her that these things might not be allowed where she grew up, but I don't live where she lives, and I need to have a LIFE! How can I tell her? (link)
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Dear Generation Gap,
I understand your problem. But lets put it in perspective. It isn't so much that you do not like your mother's customs, you just want to be more like everyone else. Let me assure you, your parents customs will become very important to you when you are a young adult.They will be an important way of how you identify yourself. Customs are good things. If we did not have some one (FAMILY) or something (COUNTRY) to identify ourselves with, we would feel lost and alone. Look at how adults fight (go to war) over customs. (BUt I am not telling you that you have to do that...just that "traditions" will become more important to you as you grow up.) NOw lets take the two issues you mentioned. Now really, do you think the girls in class with shorts on are any cooler (meaning temperature) than you are with capri's? If your mom made you wear woolen stockings and long skirts and sweaters,then I'd say you have a point. If your capri's are made of cotton, then they are as cool as you can get in summer clothing. YOu just want to look like everyone else. (Which is cute, because when you get older, you will go out of your way to look as different as possible as everyone else.) But that is OK, it is normal to want to fit in. But really, are your capri's a topic of conversation? Would anyone really notice you you didn't bring it up. Isn't it kinda of silly to turn on your mom for a pair of pants?
Now lets take the second issue, boyfriends. You don't say how old you are, but I am sure that even if you are 13 you have some friends that are "dating". And there a some that cannot. And even if you are 16, there are some friends that are dating, and some that cannot. Again I side with your mom on this. My son is 15, and while he has had a couple of girlfriends, they only saw each other at school. He may have felt that he was dating someone, but I never let them actually go out on a date, alone together. They even met up at the mall a few times, that is OK with me, and he can say that he is "dating" but in reality, he never actually went on what I would call a date, alone in a car, and that I will not alow for a few more years. So, is it that you can't date, or you don't have a boyfriend whom you like to spend time with in school. You parents can't prevent you from being friendly with someone in school. And since you have access to a computer, you can probably stay in touch out of school, by computer. Being allowed to "date" does not magically bring you more boyfriends. But the kind of boys who will only see if you can be alone with them in a car or at their house, etc, have something else in mind. A boy who really likes you for you would spend time with you when he can, when you have permission, or when it is convenient, and not ask you to disobey your parents. Someone whose parents don't care about him, he will want to be alone with you, and if your parents think to much of you to let that happen to you, he knows he can find a girl whose parents don't care enough. And go out with her. See when it comes to teenage boys, it's not really YOU they like, as much as the thought of being alone with YOU, or HER, or THAT ONE or the NEXT ONE. Come on, you can say this isn't so, but you know boys in school who have had a dozen girl friends already, and some of them have broken hearts. Your mom is just trying to protect you from this just until you are more mature enough to handle it.
Well that is enough speech writing. LEt me give you this one piece of advice. The MORE YOUR PARENTS TRUST YOU, THE MORE FREEDOM YOU WILL HAVE. So be trustworthy, respect their wishes, and you will see, in time you will have more freedom, when they know you will make sensible decisions.
FOr example if you told your mom that she was mean for not letting you wear shorts, and everyone else wears shorts, and your real hot in school, and everyone else is cooler....well, she knows that that is not true, and so do you. You are just trying to manipulate her and she knows it. And it is very EASY to say NO when you know your child is trying to maniupalate you. As a parent, you can't let them get away with that. She is older and wiser and can see through that. If you told her that you really like the way the girls look in shorts, and you can't wait to own a pair, and please mom, as soon as you think it is ok, can we go buy some, please????????
She will see that you are actually making sense, and at least you are not lying and trying to manipulate her, and she may just give in. I guarantee she will give in sooner than if you try to talk her into it by giving her all these lame excuses
Anyway, that is my advice. I hope it helped.
Michele
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I'm a 15 year old female. I really like this one boy, but the thing is he's always teasing me or hitting me. Sometimes it's actually funny and we play around but other times it really hurts physically & emotionally. Very little of the time he'll come up to me and start a normal conversation, flirt, etc. I have a strong feeling he likes me the way I like him. I know that if he told anyone, his immature friends would start on him. He wouldn't straight out tell me either because he's shy about that kind of stuff. What could I do to make him realize that if he makes a move, I'll go along with it? (link)
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Honey, if he is teasing you and hitting you (and sometimes it hurts) and he is just flirting with you.....what is he going to do to you when you are actually "going out together" and he thinks he owns you. Try to learn more about him before making this move. Especially about his home life. IF he gets hit at home, or if his dad hit's his mom, then he will think that it is OK to hit the person he loves. Great for him/bad for you.
Find a nice guy who flirts with you by making you smile and happy, not hit you.
Michele
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hi..i asked a question about using baking soda as toothpaste..and so i did but when i use it it hurts my gums really really bad!! i use it everyday but only in the afternoon and in the morning and night i use regular toothpaste but sometimes i put the baking soda on it..in the afternoon i just dip the bristles in the cup and then brush my teeth but my gums burn and hurt real bad and when im done they tingle burningly and throb&i dont know what to do, am i using the baking soda wrong?? i dont wanna stop using the baking soda because my teeth are really ugly yelow, and the toothpastes with the baking soda in them dont work to whiten my teeth, and i tried like whitstrips and gels n stuff, and i dont have any money to buy super toothpaste or something so someone tell me why this is happeneing or help me somehow! thank you! (link)
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To whiten your teeth, it is not baking soda that works, it is peroxide. But I would not recommend that you use straight peroxide to whiten your teeth because it is poison, and you could get sick if you swallow enough of it. That is why the whitening stuff comes in a gel, so it sticks to your teeth, until you spit it out. Also, you have to let the gel, with the peroxide "sit" on your teeth, for 1/2 hour to do it's job.
Here are the things you should NOT be doing if you want whiter teeth. Don't drink, coffee or tea, or colas. Don't smoke.
Also, I know you say you don't have a lot of money, and I believe you, but when you do, get the Crest Whittening Stirps THAT ONLY DENTISTS CARRY. They will cost a little more than the ones you get at WALMART (or wherever) but they really work. They are stronger...have more peroxide in them. It is only a waste of money when it doesn't work.....so better to spend your money on something that works.
GOod Luck.
Michele
PS If you floss your teeth, regularly your gums won't hurt.
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hi i am had the injection as form of contraception is there any possiblility that i can fall pregnant on the injection is it 100% safe or 99%? im not sure and i really dont wanna sound dumb or anything? (link)
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Most contraception, even the pill, is only 98% effective. I am not familliar with the injection, but I know they are only good for a certain number of months. Is the time near for your next injection? I have not heard of anyone getting pregnant while on it, but for birth control to work, it has to be the right dose for the right woman, and we are all different. Is this your first injection? Did you have any spotting with it, (menstual blood) If you did, that would mean that this level of contraception in this inejection was not strong enough for you. And finally, did you get this contrception injection from a reputatble doctor?
Answer these questions to yourself and maybe you will have a better idea of whether or not you could be pregnant. And then there is always the pregancy kit from the drug store. They are very accurate.
Also, is your period late? HOw late? And, about this I am not sure.....do you even continue to get your period whil on this injection? Also, being on birth control can cause you to gain weight. Are you just feeling "fatter" so you think you may be pregnant?
I hope this helps.
Michele
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hey im 15, and i was wondering can teenagers get breast cancer? like on my left breast i feel like some bump or something but i dont know if its really a bump and it hurts a little in that area. i was wondering could that be breast cancer? im really worried and i want to know, if any of you know what can that be, maybe its just that my breasts are still growing or something i really dont know. please help me. (link)
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Breast cancer at your age is very rare, but not un heard of. Usually breast cancer lumps do not hurt. They are usually hard. It could be a cyst. Do you drink any caffiene? Cola's, coffee, tea? Do you drink a lot of caffiene? That can give you cysts. Also if you are due to get your period soon, that can cause your breasts to feel lumpy and be sore. If you are not SURE, you should have it checked. I know you don't want to go to the doctor for that. At your age, I dreaded that first visit to the gyn/ob doctor. Do you know a nurse, who could advise you?
Michele
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what is 420? i know it has to do with weed and ect but whats is 420? (link)
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OK, this is what my 14 year old step daughter told me oh, about 5 years ago, (and I was surprised to learn this) 420 refers to a time of day....the time of day when most people get high. Because at 4:20 most people are out of work, out of school, etc. etc. So you are on the right track.
Michele
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ok well my acne is getin pretty bad an i was wondering if any1 knew some good products out there..one's that aren't too expensive please let me know.. (link)
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Well you did not say if you are a girl or a boy, and yes it makes a difference. Acne is caused by a male hormone called antigen. Even in girls. You cannot cure acne, you can only manage it, and this is important. Acne is caused by the male hormone, but also two other things. Bacteria and dead skin cells. First, you need to keep your face extremely clean. You have to limit your exposure to bacteria, and guess what, there is bacteria on EVERYTHING. Buy don't worry, you can minimize it. Never use the same towels as everyone else in the house. Keep your hands away from your face, Never go to sleep with make-up on, (if your a girl). Always use clean towels. If this is a problem with mom, then dry your face with paper towels. Now, you also have to exfoliate to make sure that dead skin cells come off when they should. YOu can use an exfoliating sponge. A white rought fiber sponge. I think biore makes one, but I have found some cheaper ones, for about $1.00. this will remove the dead skin cells before they get a chance to clog your pores. Or you can use an exfoliating scrub. About 6 dollars. Now if you have oily skin, you might also want to use a product. Sure ProActive is good, but it is expensive; It is the ingredients that matter, not the name on the label. So you need to find acne products or oily skin products that contain glycolic acid, or benzoyl peroxide, or sulful. All are good for oily skin. Also keep this in mind. Each skin cell lives 28 days. When you star to use a new product on your skin, you will not see an improvement for 28 days, so be patient, and give it a chance. If in 28 days, you don't see an improvement, then that product is not working for you, it is time to try something else. I hope this helped.
Michele
PS I am a certified esthetician (skin care expert) in Connecticut. I went to school to learn about proper skin care and skin conditions.
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I work out everyday and do sit-ups everyday too. these crunches are really helping my upper abs but im not seeing any results in my lower ab area. Does anyone know of any really great workouts that are specifically for your lower abdominal region. If so please explain how to do those exercises. Thanks so much. Please only give advice if you know it actualy works. (link)
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Ok lower abs, try this I hope you have a work out partner. That will help. Lay on the floor on your back. Lift your legs up, feet together, high up in the air. Have your partner stand behind you. His/her feet at either side of your head. Have the person, push your feet, down towards the floor. You feet will travel in the direction of the floor. Resist.....but allow them to almost touch the floor. Then swing your feet back up and have your partner continue to push them towards the floor, and you continue to resist and bring them back up. You should feel a burn in your lower abdomen during this exercise. And keep it up!
Michele
PS, years ago, I used to own a gym with my ex-husband.
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