|
i've been seeing my girlfriend for 2 years now and we've always been open about everything but lately she's been acting differently i'll reach out to touch her and she'll jump like she thinks i'm going to hit her and the other night i noticed that she had bruises on her stomach and i hugged her and she acted like i hurt her i think that someone has hitting her and she's afraid to tell me i just don't understand it because she has always told me everything how do i find out if she is being hit and how do i help her if she is being abused?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I'm going to tell you right now...I've never been in a situation like this before. I have no experience, this is a tough question for me to answer. But I can tell you that honesty is always important, and that the best place to look for help is the people closest to you, the people that you know you can trust. That's a family member, school teacher or counselor, authority, etc. All I can do is try to steer you in the right direction. This is what I have to say, and I'm sorry that I can't be of more help in this situation...
Talk to her. I know that it will be difficult for you. (It's difficult for me just to tell you and I don't even have to look you in the eye.) But you need to find out what's wrong, even if it isn't what you think.
Sorry that I can't give you a script. But I can give you some clues...If she is suffering abuse, you're right. She's probably afraid, afraid to even tell you. What you need to do first is try to alleviate some her of her fears.
How would you do that? Re-assurance. Tell her that you care about her, that she can trust you. She needs to know that you are on her side.
Express your concerns. Tell her that you are afraid for her safety. And explain why you are suspicious. Let her know that you've noticed her strange behavior and the bruises. But don't use accusatory and/or negative language. She hasn't done anything wrong. Even if she is hiding something and/or lying. She needs to know that.
Opening up to you will be a difficult process for her. You're going to have to be patient. Listen...Don't interrupt. Don't push. I know that this will be frustrating for you. But if you want to help her, you've got to hang in there. What she says may upset you, or cause you to get angry. Not angry or upset with her, but with the situation and whoever is hurting her. Such feelings are understandable. But just as you have to be the patient one, you've also got to be the calm, rational one. Besides, even if you aren't angry or upset with her, she might interpret your negative feelings as being directed at her, simply because of the negative situation.
If you talk to her, and she does tell you that someone is hurting her...I suspect that you are still fairly young. (Teens maybe?) The best thing that you can do is get someone else involved. Tell your parents, or a family member, school counselor, an authority figure, etc. Someone that you can trust. They can provide you with more help than anyone else in this situation.
She might tell you in confidence. In this case, you've got to decide whether or not this is a secret that you should keep. My opinion is: no. It's not. If someone is hurting her, whether she wants you to keep quiet or not, you need to tell someone who can help her. She may not like it, she may not like you, but whether or not she likes you isn't important. You have to do what is in her best interest.
She may tell you that everything is fine. And it might be. Then again, she might be lying. Don't accuse, don't press the issue. Keep an eye out for anymore disturbing behavior or bruising. If she continues to act strangely, if you continue to notice bruises, again...Tell someone that you can trust.
Again...Sorry that I don't have a better answer. If you need anymore advice, or simply want to talk, don't hesitate to drop me a line. I hope that things go well for you and your girlfriend, and I will keep you both in my prayers. Until next time...Adieu ;)
]
Well I don't have enough information. How old are the both of you? Does she live at home? With her parents? One or both? Is there opportunity for some one to abuse her? Let's assume that she lives at home with one or both parents.
You have met her parents, I assume, since you have known each other for two years. What do you think of her dad? Is there an older brother, or a brother close in age, but who is a big guy. (Young girls have been abused by big bothers as well as fathers.) What does her mother seem like. Is she timid, shy, seem afaid for her daughter? Over protective. Is her father over protective. Are you two even allowed to have a relationship, or is it a secret. Usually if a parent, and especially a father is abusing his daughter, he keeps her close to home, and forbids her to have contact with other kids, boys or girls. He convices her that it is for her own good, but it is really because he fears she may tell someone.
Does she have any girl friends that you could ask? And if so, pay attention to their answers, because sometimes, no answer....will give you your answer.
If your girl friend injured herself by accident, wouldn't she just mention it? Would she say, boy I am so clumsy I fell down the stairs the other day. And then show you the bruises. That would be normal. Hiding them is not normal. And being jumpy like you said is not normal. You are right to be concerned. Women who have been continually abused, are known to suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. They are jumpy and can't help it. It does sound from your brief descritpion that she may infact be being abused. Now you have to answer the rest of my questions, to yourself, and see if the pieces of the puzzle fit. So then what do you do? YOu have to start by telling an adult that you trust, what you suspect. And hopefully they will be able to advise you further.
You also don't mention how old you both are. If the abuse is reported and she is a minor, she may be removed from her home, and while I think she should be, she may not think of this as a solution. Especially if it is a foster home. FOr many of us, the evil we know is much better than the evil we don't know. Is there a place where she can go, grandparents, aunts? It is very brave of you to want to help your girl. I would do it also. People have to take a stand against abuse. Also I am sure that the abuse your friend may be experiencing is not just physical, psychological abuse always goes along with it. You are taking on a lot of responsibility. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
If you gather more information and then want more advice, please write again. Otherwise,I wish you luck and again thank you for standing up for some one who can't stand up for themselves.
Michele
]
Sit her down and talk to her about it.
You can't force her to tell her so you have to sit down with her and let her know that she can trust you and that you really want to try and help her.
If something is going on at home like she's being abused at home or something you should tell someone about it. She could get hurt badly. She probably has been hit by someone because after being hit you're normally jumpy and scared someone is going to hurt you.
Like I said all you can do is sit her down and let her know that you're there for her and that she can trust you and that you really want to help her.
Good Luck
♥Em
]
Maybe go over to her house until late and see how her parents treat her, watch them carefully. How they talk to her if they hug anytime or if they touch her... all the signs of abuse.
Maybe sit her down and talk some where private and ask her caringly(sp?) so she feels comftorble to tell you. And ask her spacific questions like.. if they thretend to hurt you if you told anyone just know ill be here for you of somthing, but i guess that would be more into the conversation.
i hope everything goes good :)
simone<3
]
More Questions: |