Good day everyone.
I am a nursing student. My ultimate goal is to be a travel nurse.
I am happily married for over 12 years and have 3 children: ages 6, 4, and 2. Family is the most important thing in the world and I want to help families work out problems so they do not have to be torn apart.
If your family is as important to you as mine is to me, get the help you need. If you do not like my advice, I respect that but look for someone that works for your needs.
Your family is worth it!
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: Home maker/ nursing student
Age: 31
Member Since: October 26, 2007
Answers: 223
Last Update: September 27, 2011
Visitors: 32451
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My best friend keeps trying to steal my bf and she keeps yelling at me and bringing my other bff in to this and i want to know what to do before i beat her @$$ and kill her....
HELP ME! (link)
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I can hear the anger in your words and respect how hurt you may be feeling.
I cant give you any advice about keeping your friend away from your boyfriend but I can give you advice on how to control the one thing you have full control over... you.
If your best friend is capable of stealing your boyfriend, it sounds like you should reexamine first of all what kind of best friend she is. Perhaps it is time to move on and find some new friends, some that you can trust and don't cause so much stress in your life.
Secondly, if your boyfriend is capable of being "stolen away", he isn't really worth trying to keep. You don't want to spend the rest of your relationship with him wondering WHAT ELSE could come along that could tear the two of you apart. A relationship should be built on trust and confidence and enjoyment, not the stress of hoping he will stay with you when he encounters temptations.
Your friend and your boyfriend may be good for each other. You may just want to let them have each other so you can find a few new people who actually deserve to be in your life.
You should NOT be in a relationship with anyone, male or female, that constantly hurts emotionally (or physically) and it needs serious help if it is constantly "spiraling out of control".
You are worth more than that. Don't ya think? So treat yourself to better people. You deserve it. Don't "settle" because you are comfortable with it.
Best of luck.
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I'm a senior and have been thinking of what I would like to do when I get to college, what to major in. Well I came down to it. Interior design. I'm pretty good at what looks good where, and what not, but I'm no expert.
My classes for my major, they will teach us what patterns and stuff go together right?
Like you don't just have to have an eye for interior design, you can be taught? (link)
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It does help to have an eye for interior design if that is what you choose to do. A class can't really teach you what patterns and such look good together. That is for your taste/the taste of your client as well as what is in fashion that year/decade. There will be SOME of that but it is largely up to your taste in decorating.
You should ask yourself why you have chosen interior design. You may realize that interior design is something LIKE what you want to do, but not exactly and I.D. is leading you to what you actually want to do - hypothetically speaking, architecture. I always knew I wanted to help people. I started in nursing. I enjoyed talking to my patients but HATED having to do my nursing duties. I then went to pharmacy school for a while as I had already been working in a pharmacy for years. I figured, why not just get the degree. I love the work and talking to the patients. I had a VERY difficult time with all the intense math involved and dealing with the insurance companies was definitely a draw back I was not looking forward to. I finally realized after much thought what all of these have in common. I loved talking to people and helping them with their issues. This lead ME to realizing I should be in counseling, not a nurse, doctor, or pharmacist. All similar in nature but not EXACTLY what I was looking for.
The other thing about I.D. when I looked into it not too long ago is that there is a LOT (emphasize LOT) of computer classes involved. You need to learn how to use a ton of different computer programs; art programs, design programs, programs about blue prints, etc. If I were you I would pick ANY random school that has a degree program in I.D. and check out their courses, just to get an idea of what you will be spending your time learning. You may find there is SO MUCH computer learning involved it is not what you had thought it would be. I love decorating so I thought I would just get a few courses or even get a certificate, not necessarily a 4 year degree in interior decorating. But the computer classes are so intense I simply could not be bothered.
Best of luck.
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So this is pathetic, I'm 17/F.
I just cannot find the right guy, or a guy at all. I have only a few guy friends, and I'm not even "close" with them anyways.
But I've never been in a real relationship ever, and I dont know whats wrong with me, I'm super out going, I talk to about anyone, I'm not shy... I meet tons of people, but none ever turn out to be more than friendship.
Arghh! (link)
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I know how you feel. I was that way in high school too. I had lots of guy friends in school but none that I actually called or called me on the phone (there was no email or texting to mention when I was in high school LOL and it wasn't THAT long ago!)
I tended to worry about being alone when I got older because I had never been in a relationship by the time I was 17/18 years old. I never really wanted a serious relationship anyway... I mean I thought I did... but then I really couldn't imagine getting REALLY serious with any of the guys I knew. I always found out something about them that I just "couldn't deal with" like one was totally into science fiction and that was boring to me. Mayby one liked country music and I just would NOT listen to country music.
I liked the idea of a relationship but to actually GET INTO one... I just didn't.
That turned out to be to my advantage. I developed some friendships with guys in college that weren't those nervous teenage involvements. I didn't have to be embarassed about our opinions differing, be embarassed about my parents/family... you know... more grown up stuff.
Then in my 2nd year of college I finally met a guy I actually wanted to be with all the time, unlike anything I had ever felt before. We turned out to be the best of friends having TONS of stuff in common. Nearly 11 years ago we got married and we have been quite happy since.
Don't get discouraged at 17 that you are not in nor have you ever been in a serious relationship. I believe everything happens for a reason and there may be a VERY good reason you have been consciously or even subconsciously holding out. You have plenty of time. Just enjoy having lots of friends. Practing being that fun person that everyone likes and eventually I am sure you will be rewarded for the wonderful person you are.
Oh, by the way... there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are great the way you are. Everyone sees that and eventually you will meet someone who is just as great as you who will deserve you and your time.
Best of luck.
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do you know how much a counseling session would cost? and where do i find a psychologist or counselor that deals with personal issues. (link)
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There are several variables involved here...
Just answering your question straight out: It probably costs around 100/hr (give or take depending on your location). As far as one that deals with personal issues, most "family therapists" can deal with most personal issues. It depends what your actual issue is. For example, some therapists specialize in areas like post traumatic stress disorder, rape, divorce, adolescent behavioral problems, etc.
If you are just having a generic feeling of dissatisfaction in your life and need someone to help you figure it all out, probably just a psychologist or family therapist can help you. My suggestion is that you just call a few you find in the yellow pages and ask them what they specialize in.
Back to the cost issue, many insurance companies have a "mental health" part of their plan. If you have insurance either for yourself or through your parents, you may be able to go for a greatly discounted rate or even just pay a co-pay.
One last thing is your question hinted at just one session... that is rarely the case. Most problems that cause us to seek help are deeply rooted enough that one session is not enough. It can take several months (or more) to figure out why you are actually feeling the way you are and then try to work on techniques to get you beyond that difficulty in your life.
If this is something you are able to financially handle I recommend it. Sometimes it just takes that one little question or piece of advice to change your entire outlook on your issues.
Best of luck.
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WARNING:long sorry just wanted to give full story or most of it
ok so im pretty much 14(my bday nov 9)
im not attracted to guys around my age i dont knw i just think older guys are cute and are more mature.well there are these three guys one well call d he is 18 or 19 and the other well call is x but i dont knw how old he is and lastly well call him j and he is 16 or 17.at first me and d werent like friends like we hugged and said hi but ya knw.he just kinda messed with me like put his arm around me and sang to me cause he knew i liked him haha just who he is.well now he flirts with me and kissed me on the cheek twice and he knws my name and one day my friend was like why do you kiss b and he was like have i ever kissed you and i was like only on the cheek and he said see i only kissed on the cheek i havent kissed her yet and kinda smiled at me and all my friends think he likes me.now x he is kinda new haha the first time i saw him me and a friend were waiting at the place cause it opened at 8 and he was alreasy there and he kept looking at me and finally he was like ya im lookin at you and i gave him a look like me? and he was like ya you(i knw kinda weird)but when his bro(i only knw it was his bro cuz he told us) got there they started whispering and lookin at me well then they left and he was like watch my stuff please so i did.that whole night he kept smiling at me and yesterday we had our second hug.we talk and flirt and he always looks at me.all my friends think he is mad sexy and are kinda jealous and they all think he likes me but im not sure cause he dont really knw me and he flirts with other girls.then finally the last on j.he used to always flirt with me and stuff then he ended up breaking up with his girl and i saw him lookin kinda bored so i went to talk to him and he was like how old are you and i asked him the same but he was like i asked you first so i told him and he was like damn i cant mess with you and told me how old he was and then the next week he was dating his ex now he doesnt really talk to me or whatever and its seems he flirts with his girl around me but looks at me to ya knw like see if im watching or w/e.and i saw him in the hall last thursday(i go to his school for math) and he walked next to me but didnt say anything but smiled and kept walking and called his friend and kinda looked back at me so i guess you can say im totally confused so i need major help!thank you (link)
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The first thing I want to say is thank you very much for choosing me to try to help you out. I appreciate it.
Now, as far as what you should do-
I am sorry to say I have very strong opinions about this. At 13/14 I feel you only need to be friends with boys. If you must have a particular boyfriend he should also be 13/14. There is no reason for a 14 yr old to be dating or "messing around" with someone 16, 17, or 19!!! yrs old.
Aside from that, you should question the motives of a boy 16 to 19 that would even consider going out with a 14 year old girl. I would want to know what he wanted from you- not that I would have to sit for long pondering this.
If you are not interested in boys your own age and want to consider a relationship with an older "man", then you need to wait until you are older. This doesn't seem logical but there is a HUGE amount of difference between a 14 year old and a 19 year old where as there is not too much difference between a 20 year old and a 25 year old.
Also, relationships at your age only last for a short period of time. This is perfectly natural. You have so much to explore about yourself and what you like in the opposite sex. Relationships do not frequently end well so why get involved in a relationship when it could possibly end before too long and end up heart broken and without that person as a friend anymore?
I am quite concerned about the amount of flirtation going on between you and these older boys. You should really question their motives. If what they are looking for is what I am concerned they are looking for, are you sure that at your age you would be happy being nothing more than a toy to these guys? Then consider the reprecussions of being the toy (pregnancy, STD's, bad reputation and attracting more guys that are no good).
While you are still 14 you should be showing these guys not how well you can flirt and get their curiosity up but rather that you are a strong woman and if they want you, not only are they going to have to wait for you to grow up a bit but they are going to have to prove their worth to you. Don't fall head over heels in love with a guy because he is drop dead gorgeous. Fall head over heels in love with a guy who is great in many ways and happens to also BE drop dead gorgeous. You may also find that the better a man is; funny, kind, trustworthy, etc. the better looking he becomes.
Guys come and go. I would just let these guys go for now and hold off for those awesome guys that are going to come along in a few years.
You are worth it. Girls need to be strong, know what they want in life and not just settle. You are only just learning who YOU are right now. Get to know yourself before you start trying to get involved with someone you don't know very well and question how nice they will still be once they "get what they wanted".
I am not sure this is what you want to hear. I just can't go against what every part of my moral being is telling me and that is don't trust these guys. Respect yourself, love yourself enough to just hang out with guys for a few years, get to know them, figure out what it is you are actually looking for in a man, and then start thinking about "hooking up".
I know hormones are totally difficult to restrain at your age, nearly impossible in fact. I think you'll be much happier as an adult and be thankful if you are very picky about the boys you allow to associate with you.
Best of luck.
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Would the remark my mom made bother you?: I (age 53) cleaned out my closet and dresser drawers and had 14 bags of clothing to give away. However, yesterday I decided to go thru the bags to make sure that I did not give away anything accidentally. I found 10 items that I accidentally put in the bags so I took them out and put them in my drawers and closets. I was home alone yesterday. Today before I was going to load the bags into the car and take them to the clothing drop my mom (age 82) saw me going thru the bags.
Mom: “What are you doing?”
ME: “I am going thru the bags to make sure I did not get rid of anything accidentally”
Mom: Oh why are you looking there is nothing worthwhile there”
ME: “Yes there is because yesterday I checked the bags as well and found things in there that I did not mean to give away so I was checking one last time."
My mom gave me a look of disbelief.
Then we had some fight. I said really nasty horrible things to her which I feel terrible about. Some of the things I said to her I would never even say to my worse enemy. My nasty remarks made her cry.
During the fight:
ME: “I will show you what I took out”
Mom: “Ok let me see” (she said this in a nasty voice)
You see I got mad because all she had to say “Ok just go thru the bags and double check” but instead she challenged me or that is what I was interpreting it as.
So how would you have interpreted it?
(link)
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The direct answer to your question is no. That response would not have irritated me.
That being said, however, I do not have a history with your mother. You two have decades of there being things said, body language used, etc. that have you potentially reading things into what is being said. It is the "assumption" of what someone meant that we often times hear, not what was actually said. This is called para-language.
The truth is, it is none of mom's business what you are getting rid of or why. You are 53 years old and have the right to get rid of bags of clothes and decide to grab a few items back out before you get rid of them.
Mom is probably always going to be Mom. No matter what your age is she is still looking at you as her daughter. It is important to just respect what she says and then do what you, as an adult, decide to do on your own.
In the future, it would probably be best to just let her comments roll off of your back. Whether she is or is NOT trying to "start something", we can always be the "bigger" person and just let it go.
I have had issues with my own mother myself. It seemed she could never say ANYTHING right. Recently though I decided that kind of stress in my life was just not worth it anymore, I didn't want my OWN children talking to ME in that manner, and I decided a new tactic... treat her as if she was NOT my mom. If ANYONE else on earth had made that comment to you, you may have interpreted it or reacted to it differently. It may help in these situations to treat Mom as if she was NOT mom but rather ANYONE else. Then you can respond to her in a polite manner, avoid an arguement, and still do what you want to do with your own belongings.
Now I am a mother of a little girl and I have a feeling I am going to be able to look at this in a whole new light in about 10-15 years as she grows up.
Best of luck.
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what are the chances of being pregnant if you have never missed a period, have had literally about 80-100 negative pregnany tests done and one negative blood test from the doctor but have had uterine cramping and pain for the past 4 months. (link)
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You can absolutely be pregnant and still have a period. It is very rare for a home pregnancy test to be wrong assuming you did it correctly and blood tests from the doctor... well... I have never heard of one being wrong. Also, every woman is different but when I was pregnant, I never had "cramping" until I was in labor. So cramping is not a sign of pregnancy and if there IS cramping in pregnancy, it could be a sign that there is something going on that your doctor needs to know about.
That being said, there are other reasons for your cramping that you may want to discuss with your doctor:
The first thing could be an abnormal menstrual cycle or something affecting your menstrual cycle causing you to have frequent menstrual-like cramping.
A list of other things it could be are:
ovulation pain
swollen ovaries after clomid or other refrtility medications
your period is about to come,
endometriosis,
ectopic pregnancy,
leiomyoma uteri (fibroids),
pelvic inflammatory disease (PID),
appendicitis,
constipation,
colitis,
ovarian cysts,
torsion of the ovary.
To asses the possible cause of cramps, you should be able to answer the following questions:
Do I have a condition explaining the cramps?
Where are the cramps (very low, high, or above the uterus)?
Are the cramps located more in the middle, more on one or the other side, or all over?
Are they mild, moderate, or severe?
Are they rhythmic (for example, every 3-4 minutes or so)
How long do they last (minutes, hours, days)?
Do they happen only on certain days of the menstrual cycle (keep a diary)?
Do they typically go away when the menstrual period begins?
If in doubt, have your doctor examine you to find out what it could be.
I got the above information from this website should you want to refer and do more research.
http://babymed.com/faq/content.aspx?13930
Best of luck.
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where can i get a obama button pin thing? (link)
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They are available at his official website
https://donate.barackobama.com/page/content/splashsignup_welcome?source=splashpage_exp3
However, they ask you to allow 4-6 weeks for items to arrive (my car magnet took 4 1/2 to 5 weeks to arrive) and the election is only 4 weeks away. They may have a faster method of shipping for a fee though so it is worth checking out!
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15/F freshmore in highschool
What's up with the economy, much less our COUNTRY? I just don't know anymore! Our economy is bad right now, and I keep hearing that it's going to crash and we'll be stuck in the Great Depression all over again. Should I, as a young adult, be worried at all? What even CAUSED the Great Depression? And this?
PRESIDENTS! Why don't many people approve of Bush? It's like he's hated by his own country. People say McCain is going to be Bush all over again. Why is that bad?
What about Obama? Has anyone even HEARD about the book "Obamanation"? What about the theory that the world is going end within just years, under the head of an african-american president or something like that? Im Christian myself, but I can't help but worry.
My history teacher says some countries think Americans are ignorant, and know nothing about the world.
What about 911? There's a conspiracy theory against that. Just...WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?? (link)
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Wow. You are one intelligent 15-year-old!
The Great Depression started back in October 1929. The country was in a recession and given people were a bit concerned about their finances, they stopped purchasing things. This caused other things to happen such as stocks going down causing the stock market to crash. Then people began to panic that their banks were going to go out of business and lose all of their money so it seemed EVERYONE wanted to get their money out of the bank... Now the banks literally had no money. Banks are essentially borrowing our money at all times and if we all go get our money out, the bank will crash.
We are not in another Great Depression (yet). What is happening with our economy is yet another recession (some disagree with using the term recession but that is the opinion of the majority of U.S. citizens in a recent poll). A depression is being in a recession for a really long time, basically. Here is a link to help you further understand the Great Depression:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Depression
Now, as far as what is wrong with our country, why do people hate G.W., should you personally be worried, etc. The country (and world for that matter) is angry at G.W. because he was not a very well informed president. That's not really true either... He didn't personally seem to fully understand or know what was going on but he had his fellow... co-workers in Washington D.C. explaining things to him and telling him how things were. He made the choice to ignore them, and he chose to lie about things; not things like sex and drugs but things that ended up putting our country in war and why we were at war in the first place, what was found or not found in our battle ground, etc. He wasn't just asked if he ever inhaled marijuana. He was asked if Iraq had very deadly (deadly to vast areas of the world) bombs and other weapons. He told the American people that they did but this was untrue and he actually knew it was untrue. It came out a while after we invaded Iraq that he did know the truth, was told the truth, but chose to tell US a lie so he would have some backing.
The world dislikes him because: NATO, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization consists of the U.S. as well as Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Spain ( a total of 26 different countries). NATO got together and discussed the idea of invading Iraq and much of NATO said no. They did not think it was a good idea. There was not enough proof of wrong doing on the side of Iraq to just go in and start blowing everything up. It would cause problems with the world. Etc. G.W. decided he really didn't care what most of the world though, G.W. wanted to do what G.W. wanted to do. He was focused on Iraq when there was no proof of anything going on there and there was proof of things going on in other countries.
One of his main reasons for wanting to go into Iraq was because he wanted to get the people responsible for 9-1-1. His "War on Terror". The flaw with this is the people responsible for 9-1-1 were from Afghanistan and were thought to still be in Afghanistan. It is the opinion of many Americans that he basically went into Iraq because his dad went into Iraq and did not finish the job. He wasn't thinking for himself, he was trying to finish the job his dad started.
McCain is a republican. As such, republicans as a whole belive the same general things. If they did not believe them they would be democrats. That is the jist of why people want a democrat in the office, because it would be a complete difference in politics.
I have herad of the book Obamanation but have never read it. It is my understanding that this type of thing is full of unsubstantiated slander about a person and I do not approve of gossip or slander. It may make for interesting reading but I would want to do my research after reading before I believed anything written.
As far as what your teacher says about Americans being ignorant... I am in complete agreement. Not only are we ignorant but we are egotistical as well. Well, not all of us, certainly, but unfortunately it seems the people who have the most power to do things in and for our country tend to be. I love my freedom and there are few places I would rather live than here (though there are a few I would go to in a heartbeat!) but the reality is, our society tends to be very "ME" oriented and don't think about how the rest of the world feels about certain issues.
The last thing I will write (you are probably thinking "thank goodness for that!!!) is about the world ending because of a black man in office...
ANY part of the bible needs to be translated by a professional member of the clergy. You can read any part and make it fit any situation you desire. My pastor always says to fully understand a passage you need to know what happened BEFORE that part and what happens AFTER that part and get the whole story. You cant just focus on two lines.
Beyone that, what the book of Revelation actually states according to my personal bible (Life Application Study Bible, NLT) is, and I will type it out from Chapter 13:
" 13:1 Then I saw a bease rising up out of the sea. It had seven heads and ten horns, with ten crowns on its horns... 13:2 This beast looked like a leopard, but it had the feet of a bear and the mouth of a lion! And the dragon gave the beast his own power and throne and great authority."
Of course it says a LOT more than that but satan is NOT described as a man in his 40's born of a woman from Kansas and a man from Africa who was raised around Muslims. If this is something that concerns you I would highly recommend speaking to a trustworthy member of the clergy. I am not lisenced yet to give this sort of advice and am NO WHERE NEAR as good as my own pastor in explaining these things but I can sit here with 150% certainty that Barack Obama is neither Satan nor the anti-Christ. He is simply the first black politician to make it this far in Washington D.C. and there are a lot of ignorant Americans (remember from above?) who for whatever reason do not want to see the first black American president.
There are many theories on the second coming as well which include the idea that there is a second coming for every individual when they die... but that is for a different time and place!!!!
Whew. My fingers are tired.
I hope I helped educate you a bit on your questions and calmed your fear that Obama is not going to make the entire world and universe burn in hell.
Keep asking these questions though. I wish I were have as smart and curious as you when I was 15. Good for you.
Best of luck.
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so i am a senior in HS, applying to colleges and all that stuff .. and i'm already freaking out about leaving home and especially about making new friends!! like what happens if i dont make new friends at college i am a really shy person and it's hard for me to adjust to new things and i am so scared i wont be able to do it !! how can i make the whole making new friends thing easier ?? (link)
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Making new friends can be difficult and scary. One thing to remember is that all the freshmen you will be going to college with are ALL scared and hoping to make new friends. Just be yourself and not phony. No matter what your personality is, everyone prefers real to phony.
You may want to try practicing before hand! Try it at your high school or church or local park or something. Just go up to someone and start a little conversation. If someone is walking a dog mention that the dog is cute or beautiful or whatever and let the conversation flow. Watch for signs though. If the person is obviously in a hurry and not interested in talking... don't be a stalker. I think this is the one time people would chose phony is over stalking!!!
One thing I do want you to have in the back of your mind though is that more than 40% of college students end up being overwhelmed, culture shocked, or home sick enough that they move back home and go to a school closer to home. Around 60% of college kids who leave during their first year end up going back to a different institution. Don't assume this will happen to you but realize that if it does, you are not alone. It is hard to leave home and it is okay and understandable if you want to go back.
The older and more mature you get (women do not psychologically mature until around 25) the easier it is to make friends. Experience also helps out. You may find during your first semester you may have difficulty but by your second you are such a pro at college life everything starts to fall into place.
Best of luck.
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I recently lost my virginity about 5 days ago. I understand that i am supoosed to be sore or what not but how lng does that last? Also i have sharp pains in my vagina, if i go to urinate and apply pressure it will begin to be sore.... I dont have any discharge or outstanding odor just in pain what do i do? Do i need to see a doctor?? (link)
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Think of it as a sore muscle. When you over stretch your legs or arms or something when preparing for exercise they hurt for a few days. If you massage or put pressure on the sore leg or arm, it doesn't feel so great. This is the same thing and should feel much like that type of "pain". However, if what you are feeling is a sharp, stabbing type of pain like you are being cut with a knife or something, you should see a doctor as this could be something you need medical attention for.
You happened to mention noticing it when you urinate... If it actually hurts when you urinate, you could have coincidentally gotten a urinary tract infection as well which would require an antibiotic... but it really just sounds like you have a sore muscle. Give it a little more time and if after a week to 10 days you arent feeling better, better ere on the side of caution and have it checked out by your doctor.
Best of luck.
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okay, my friend(Anna) and this guy((kevin)who's also one of our friends, but not as close as her.)
were getting really close, and they both really liked each other... but then she went with(made out with) someone else from away... and she's sort of with him now... but ive started to like Kevin. and my dilema is that Anna gets jelous whenever she sees anyone flirting with kevin. and i don't want to fall out with her over this but i really like him... i don't know what to do... (link)
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There are two main scenarios that could happen here.
One: You could sit down and talk to Anna about the fact that you like Kevin and would like to be in a relationship with him. You may need to politely point out that she is not WITH Kevin, she is with someone else but you wanted to talk this over with her out of respect. Best case scenario is Anna will be understanding and the four of you will be able to hang out and do things as two couples. Worst case, Anna will be less understanding and want both guys for herself. Not that this matters because if Kevin is smart... he will not want to be involved in a three way relationship with this other guy.
What you need to ask yourself here is which is more important? Your friendship with Anna or a romantic relationship with Kevin. This second part gets a little tricky. The reason is I assume you are a teenager. That being said... the chances of you spending the rest of your life with Kevin are not super high. Therefore, are you willing to give up a friendship with Anna for a potentially short term relationship with Kevin and should you break up, you may no longer be friends with either depending on how things are handled.
Second scenario: You decide Anna's friendship is too important to risk getting together with Kevin. Is this fair to you? She already has a boyfriend (or a make-out partner at least) and it is not Kevin. This now puts you in the position of keeping your good friend but upsetting you because you are missing out on what could be a really great romatic relationship with someone you really like.
If your friendship with Anna is a true friendship, it will withstand this situation. I would recommend talking with her out of respect (especially if she has or has had a crush on Kevin) but be assertive about the fact that you and Kevin are both single and the decision is ultimately up to the two of you, not Anna, but you care about her as a friend and hopes she can come to terms with this.
Let's not leave Kevin out of this though. If he has strong feelings for YOU... it isn't really fair for you to deny the two of you a relationship just because Anna gets jealous.
Looking back on my rather wordy answer I think I may have reached a conclusion here... Talk to Anna but then pursue a relationship with Kevin. You want to respect her friendship but it is not her say who you date (given that you are not pursuing HER boyfriend). If she is a true friend she will respect this. If she is not, it is not really worth being upset about losing her friendship.
Either way, you get Kevin and you get to know if Anna is a true friend that you should be keeping in the first place.
Best of luck with this. These triangles can be tricky.
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alright so i'm a freshmen in high school now and i'm starting to like this kid whose a senior. i can tell that he likes me a little too but i don't know what to do. is it bad to date 3 years of age difference in high school? i know it doesn't matter later in life but i don't know about now. i know my parents would never approve but i like this kid a lot. what do i do? (link)
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When I was in high school I would have been completely okay with the idea of a freshman and a senior dating. In my age, I have become a bit of a stick in the mud... but just because I have also gained wisdom in my "old" age.
Freshmen and seniors should not really be dating. UNLESS you are casually dating and realize that it is not going to go anywhere (most likely anyway). In the very near future he is going to be filling out college applications, considering strongly where to go and what to do in his future, possibly moving away... and while all of this is going on you will still be focused on high school stuff like what clubs to join or extracurricular activities to be involved in, etc.
I think the high school dating thing is really tricky. There is such a vast difference between a freshman and a senior primarly because a senior is about to step into adulthood and all the things that has attached to it. A freshman still has three years of childhood left.
Again... dating very casually at this time may be okay. If you dont be very slow, casual, and careful you could end up finding yourself suffering a lot of heartache come next summer/fall if/when he moves away and begins the rest of his life.
Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. I just remember some heartache as a teenager and wish someone would have talking realistically to me about these things. (I dated an exchange student not really considering or realizing that he would actually be leaving the country at the end of the year and I would never see him again. We never disucssed it, just had a great year and it took me a VERY long time to get over it. I was a junior and I never dated anyone else in high school because I still missed him. I later wished we had just been good friends that hung out and such but didn't get too intense).
Best of luck.
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17, female.
I'm seeing this guy [19, obviously male] and he's been super sweet to me. He walks me home, walks with me [and friends] to school, texts me all throughout the day and even sits close to me in class. Well, today, I found out why he was beat up in the past.. he cheated on his ex-girlfriend. I don't know the whole story [why it was done, what she did, etc.]. I don't wanna just come out and ask him cause that would be very awkward.
I like this guy a lot, so I guess I'm just trying to find out if he'd cheat again? A friend told me to watch out for lies and the answer should be in his personality. So far, I've noticed nothing wrong. I don't wanna go too far with him and find out it was just for tail or something. Please help! (: (link)
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It is my feeling that there are exceptions to the rule... but most of the time, yes... once a cheater always a cheater. Sometimes people can learn their lesson and change but if you have such little conscious that you are okay cheating in the first place... you are likely going to slip up and do it again.
That being said... you said you don't know the whole story. This is important because there could actually be some excuse that is legitimate and he is innocent. You found out he cheated... from whom? I mean, can you completly trust this news (gossip?) that you have heard about him? There are too many variables here.
Unfortunately you cannot use his wonderful, caring personality to trust him. Much of the time it is the sweetest person that IS the cheater. They know just what to say and do to "draw" you in. The other frustrating thing about cheaters is that even if you were comfortable coming out and asking him for the whole story... who's to say you are getting the whole truth and nothing but the truth? He may want to color things up a bit to make himself seem less bad.
I am not in anyway suggesting this is applicable to the guy you have asked about here. He could in fact be a fantastic guy. I certainly don't know the whole story either. I just want to warn you to be cautious and proceed slowly. If you have any reason whatsoever to feel distrust toward him... trust your gut. Our guts are frequently right on the money.
Best of luck.
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hey, okay, i'm a girl, 14, and i'm not fat but i'm not thin either, i would say i'm inbetween.
all my friends have had boyfriends or at least snogged someone. and i want a boyfriend!!! but i flirt, but after that i'm sort of a dud. and when my friends are all on the pull, i feel sort of awkward; because as sad as this is i'm sort of scared about my first kiss... what can i do? (link)
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The idea of being scared of your first kiss is TOTALLY normal. I think everyone on earth is scared of their first kiss... and not just their first first kiss but their first kiss with a particular person. If you change boyfriends, you will likely be nervous about your first kiss with the new guy.
I don't know if I am older than I thought or if I just live in a different region of the world than you but I do not actually know what snogging is. I assume it is what we call "making out" rather than actual sex.
Don't put so much focus on your friends. You shouldn't care what your friends have or have not done. This is about YOU. You should wait until you find that special someone to share your first kiss. This is a guy you are going to remember for the rest of your life (trust me!!) and if you just do it with anyone to get it overwith or out of the way, think of what kind of memory you will have when you are 80 having this conversation with your grandkids!
Secondly, who cares whether you are fat or thin??? I find it appauling that people feel they have to put that much emphasis on their looks. Are you a good person? Are you friendly and kind? Are you helpful and trustworthy? Do you like to laugh and make others laugh? This is what people should look for in one another. Regardless of your looks you will almost definitely find a special boy that you really like and care enough about to add him to the depths of your memory for the rest of your life and share that first kiss.
I also do not know what you mean by being "on the pull" but I am assuming peer pressure??? If your friends are causing you to feel pressured you should ask them to stop. You are not trying to decide whether you should wear the blue shoes or the red ones with your outfit. You are talking about matters of the heart which should never be taken lightly or done out of pressure.
To recap: It is normal to be scared of your first kiss. You should be choosy and not just share it with the first guy that is willing. Share it with a guy who is scared just like you. Then you two will always have shared something special.
Dont feel pressured. These things tend to happen when they are meant to happen and usually leave you with a memory to look back and make you smile.
Best of luck.
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I'm not a boy-crazy person. I'm 16 years old, I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and that has never bothered me. However I met one of the new staff at my high-school. Well he's obviously an older man (late 20's) and he's, for lack of a better term, hot. And as level-headed as I believe myself to be, I am also a teenage girl with a tendency to fantasize and flirt. This can not end anyway but in embarassment and disaster, and I'll most likely see him everyday. How can I go to school, interact with the man and keep myself in check?
To make this clear, No I don't wish to persue a relationship with the man, it's just the thought of the man's tongue down my throat doesn't exactly freak me out.
Thanks,
StupidHormones (link)
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OH, you remind me so much of myself at 16!!!
I agree with the other answer you have received. It is best to avoid flirting given he works at your school. These days teachers and other adults are getting into a lot of trouble for relationships with teenagers whether they are appropriate or not. For his sake, you may want to have as limited contact with him as possible, especially given you DO have those raging hormones and they can be a bit unpredictable. At least you are smart enough and responsible enough to recognize this.
I had a crush on a man when I was 16 and he was in his upper 20's. He worked at my doctor's office and was finishing college. I had a dream about him... a very nice dream *wink* and I wish I had been as intelligent as you. I decided to TELL him! I called the doctor and asked for him and asked if he would be able to talk with me for a few minutes when he got off of work. I had just gotten my driver's lisence two weeks before so I was able to drive myself.
I don't want to discuss it much more (LOL) but let me just say it did not end well and I spent a LONG time being totally embarassed about it.
You are saving yourself a lot of embarassment and mental anguish by avoiding this guy. I look back on it and laugh now but seriously... I wish I was more intelligent and less hormonal at 16. I had to find a new doctor.
You can't exactly go to a different school.
Best of luck.
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I really want a bf but im not so confident around guys how should i talk to guys and how should i get a guy to like me enough to ask me out please help. (link)
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To get a guy who is worth getting you need to work on yourself. If you want someone who is worth while, not just any guy, you need to work on the things you just mentioned.
You need to be confident. Tell yourself on a regular basis all of the good qualities you possess. If you enjoy doing sports, crafts, singing, etc., practice them until you are fantastic at them.
You can try practicing gaining confidence by leaving your "comfort zone". For example, if it is difficult for you to go somewhere by yourself, do it. Go to the mall on a saturday afternoon and just walk around for an hour or so. Sit in the food area and eat something, alone. And be proud of it. You are doing it because you WANT to. Then try silly little things like asking a cute guy if he has the time or if he knows where something is; a store or a building or a street. Even if you dont care or already know!!
The most important thing is YOU. You need to know yourself and be confident in who YOU are before you get into a relationship. Once you have accomplished this (it could take a LONG time, or just a month or two) then you could start talking to guys where you spend your time; school, work, church, social clubs, etc. Once you become friends with guys, then you can start the flirtation and other fun things that go along with dating.
It is all about you. Work on YOU, then work on the guys. Otherwise, you can end up with the wacky guys that won't make you happy.
Oh. Don't forget. It is okay for you to ask them out too. Guys have a lot of pressure to always have to be the askers. You can be casual at first. Tell him you are thirsty and ask if he wants to hang out for a while and have a pop. If he says yes, talk to him about things you have in common, things he likes, keep it casual and just go with the flow.
Best of luck.
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How likely is pregnancy from precum? (link)
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Precum or preejaculation is a natural cleansing process. Urine and sperm travel down the same path to leave the man's body. Urine is lethal to sperm. Therefore, preejaculation is a sperm filled liquid that rinses the urine out preparing for the main ejaculation that follows.
Given that preejaculation does contain sperm, you can get pregnant from it. Getting pregnant is kind of tricky... I have noticed that when a girl does NOT WANT to get pregnant, it seems to happen quite easily. When a girl WANTS to have a baby... it often takes several years and doctor's interventions to help. Just use precaution regardless. The "pull out" method and other methods are not very reliable.
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okay i was friends with this girl for like fiv and a half years and then on the nite of her nineteenth she invited me and her other mates who i didnt no but no each other out and over the course of the night i got growled at, pushed out of the group when dancing, they even thought that id slapped ma friend when all id did was tapped her face as we do as a joke all the time and she did not help when she acted shoked!! u c the thing is for a while weve bn drifting she found out my mum was on drugs and cause it was her that told her and nt me she was po'd but you c the reason i didnt tell her was because i new wed drift and we did she stopped confiding in me and we had an arguement when after she promised shed go on holiday with me she canceled so she could go with the other girls who came to the party!! sorry its long but my question is how do i forget about her as i miss our friendship but because of whats happened i cant forgive her!!
any help appreciated
xxxxxxxxxxx (link)
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Your main question was “how do I forget about her as I miss our friendship?’ The answer to that is… you cant. You should remember the good times you had. You should remember the bad times that may actually have held some sort of lesson.
We cannot “forget” people in our lives just because we have a quarrel and want them “out of our life”. Human emotions were never meant to work that way. The best we can hope for is the time we spent with the person we are no longer involved with can be spent doing new or different activities. For example, if you always went out with this girl to the movies on Friday nights, you need to find a new activity on Friday nights to focus your attention on something else at that time. You will eventually get into a new routine and it will get easier.
I want to share something with you that I read years ago but never forgot.
“A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you
with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong-doing on your part, or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our
desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Author Unknown”
I want to address one other thing. You said “because of what has happened I can’t forgive her”. That is not healthy. If you hold a grudge against her forever, you are actually just causing yourself emotional pain and anguish. You should work to be the bigger, better person. Realize that she has possibly done something to you that hurts you a great deal, but if you can never let it go, you are forcing yourself to deal with misery for a very long time. Try to get to where you can pass her on the street, smile, say hi/how are you, and then keep going. You will BE a better person for it and you will FEEL better as well.
Who knows. You may find someday you can have a relationship with her again once all the anger has cooled off.
Best of luck.
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I got myself into a big mess and it's a long story and sadly i've gotten to the point where I need to ask advicenators for some input. Sad I know but either way, it's happening so...
it's a long story and i'd prefer to keep in private so if you think you can help, you can IM me on aol instant messenger at bubbly1282 (link)
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I am sorry it has taken me so long to respond. I have been on "maternity leave" and this is the first time I have been back to my computer since May 31.
It is my understanding that everything on Advicenators is anonymous. I have not yet known any of the people I have answered questions for. I admit I am a bit concerned about leaving the realm of Advicenators to answer any questions. I am a psychology student working toward a lisence in family therapy, but have not yet reached that goal. Therefore, I am a bit concerned about potential legal ramifications if I should go outside of this website to answer questions.
I would be more than happy to try to help you, but I need to ask that you ask me under the heading of "private question" and do not leave your name or any personal information in your history. If you still want advice from me, I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you.
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