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Once a cheater, always a cheater?
17, female.
I'm seeing this guy [19, obviously male] and he's been super sweet to me. He walks me home, walks with me [and friends] to school, texts me all throughout the day and even sits close to me in class. Well, today, I found out why he was beat up in the past.. he cheated on his ex-girlfriend. I don't know the whole story [why it was done, what she did, etc.]. I don't wanna just come out and ask him cause that would be very awkward.
I like this guy a lot, so I guess I'm just trying to find out if he'd cheat again? A friend told me to watch out for lies and the answer should be in his personality. So far, I've noticed nothing wrong. I don't wanna go too far with him and find out it was just for tail or something. Please help! (:
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The whole point of getting to know someone is getting to know them well enough to gently talk about things like this prior to going 'too far'.
Really, that is the point.
You want to get to a place with someone where you can say "So... about this thing that worries me..."
Unless you are looking for random (read: risky & irresponsible) play, you really should be able to deal with these awkward questions prior to anything happening.
I know that sounds a bit crazy when you are insecure and inexperienced, but it’s as true now as it will be when you are (hopefully) a more confident adult. It’s conversations like these that you MUST learn to have to save yourself the time and embarrassment of dating assholes. Now, I don't require a full dating history from everyone I date, but before things get serious there are a few things I rather know about a person:
1.) When where they last tested for STD's
2.) About how long have they been single.
3.) How did their last relationship end.
Learn how to ask these sort of questions now, because they will always be a bit awkward, but you'll save yourself a whole bunch of time if you can just get it over with and get the information you need before you 'go too far'.
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It is my feeling that there are exceptions to the rule... but most of the time, yes... once a cheater always a cheater. Sometimes people can learn their lesson and change but if you have such little conscious that you are okay cheating in the first place... you are likely going to slip up and do it again.
That being said... you said you don't know the whole story. This is important because there could actually be some excuse that is legitimate and he is innocent. You found out he cheated... from whom? I mean, can you completly trust this news (gossip?) that you have heard about him? There are too many variables here.
Unfortunately you cannot use his wonderful, caring personality to trust him. Much of the time it is the sweetest person that IS the cheater. They know just what to say and do to "draw" you in. The other frustrating thing about cheaters is that even if you were comfortable coming out and asking him for the whole story... who's to say you are getting the whole truth and nothing but the truth? He may want to color things up a bit to make himself seem less bad.
I am not in anyway suggesting this is applicable to the guy you have asked about here. He could in fact be a fantastic guy. I certainly don't know the whole story either. I just want to warn you to be cautious and proceed slowly. If you have any reason whatsoever to feel distrust toward him... trust your gut. Our guts are frequently right on the money.
Best of luck.
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