about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Hi there, I hope you're doing well. First, I want to ask for no judgment when reading this because I am not proud of this at all, and I will do anything to fix this. So this Halloweekend, I went to my friend's college to party with her and some of our other friends. We had drank a little in the beginning before heading over. When we met up with our friends, there was a guy with them and I thought he was really attractive, but I was a little tipsy and while at the party, everyone was drinking so naturally I started dancing in front of him and got really close with him and even started feeling his chest dancing with him, but he didn't seem to mind. I even asked him many times, 'Is this okay'', 'Please let me know if this makes you uncomfortable!', but he didn't really mind it seemed. Then afterward, he asked me for my Snapchat, but I didn't get it because the Wifi was really bad and then I gave him a kiss on the cheek when he said he was leaving the party. After, I added him when we got back to my friend's dorm, and then we invited him over to hang out and he did. All was good, but I kept on getting anxious the whole time. The next day, my friends and I invited him to pregame with us before the party and all was fine, but there were times when I felt like I said really stupid stuff in front of him and I'm super self-conscious about what I said or do in social interactions, so I was berating myself a bit and during the pregame, I was dared to kiss the other players right in front of him, and then we get to the party, one of my girlfriends was giving everyone dares and she knew I liked this guy and went 'Dare or Dare'' and I chose dare and she told me to kiss him. Then I kissed him in front of everyone, and me being tipsy, I went said to one of my friends, 'This is the third person I kissed tonight!' and I said it right in front of him, but he was like, 'You're on a streak tonight.' Now that I'm thinking about it, that wasn't the best thing to say at all. Then afterward, we start dancing and he asked if we could dance together, and he was being respectful about it. Then the same friend who dared me to kiss him told me to make out with him and then I did and it felt really nice. We made out a couple of times during the event, and I even kissed his neck because I was having a moment. We kept on dancing on each other and I got a little clingy and then he asked me if I wanted to get a drink and held my hand to go get a drink. I thought it was super cute. After a while, he whispered into my ear saying I was really pretty, and then me being drunk, I said 'Omg I thought I was too dumb for you. That's what I told my friends' and he was practically dumbfounded and was like 'No you're good.' Later we made out again, then I started leaning on him because I was tired and he didn't know what to do, so it was kind of an awkward one-sided hug. Then another 10 minutes later, he said 'I think it's best if we stop dancing on each other.' It kind of hurt me, but I was respectful and understanding about it. I kind of gave him some space, constantly making sure he and my other friends were okay, but he gave off some weird vibes with me, like 'Oh, I don't want to talk right now.' Then I went to use the restroom with my friend and she and I took some pictures, then he came up looking for us and we all went back downstairs and I held his hand, but as soon as we got back downstairs, he let go. That hurt, so after that I didn't interact with him as much. We then left and he didn't even hug me or kiss me goodbye or anything like I was expecting something, but it was just a casual bye. I then panicked and was like 'Did I do something wrong''' and it made me sad. Then the next morning, he posts me on his Snapchat story(a picture of just us two, no one else). It made me happy, and then I thanked him and started initiating the conversation from there. My friends thought he liked me a lot and I thought that too, so I wanted to ask him out the next time I go back to visit my friends there. He and I would send each other streaks and some of them would be him at the gym or him shirtless and I thought it was a clear sign he likes me. Then one night, he leaves me on opened and never responded again. I didn't think too much of it, but then my friend from that college told me that he had met another girl and he likes her a lot, and I was heartbroken and embarrassed. I cried in my room for hours, and now I'm not sure what to do or if I should apologize to him because I made him uncomfortable or weird, I would do anything to fix that whole interaction. I went and saw my friends yesterday and he was there with the girl and practically ignored me then I saw the girl he was with and I became really jealous. I was with one of my close friends and out of jealousy, I whispered to her, 'She's not even that pretty', to which she laughed, but now that I'm thinking about it, that was extremely rude and immature of me. We get to the party and I kept on looking over at them and started drinking more than I should've. My friend and I separated from the group and we become really drunk and just have fun with ourselves, and meet some people, but I kept on seeing him and that would make me want to drink more or leave. Something else immature I did was I would rant about him to my friend loudly and be like 'Damn, I hate men, he really made out with me and grabbed my butt and leaves me for some other chick' and other people would hear me and agree with me too, but would be drunk as us. I just could not control my mouth. And I feel so horrible. The night continues on and we occasionally meet up with the group, and I'm super drunk and I keep tripping and embarrassing myself in front of him and I can't. He did see one guy come and get my snapchat and one of my other friends jokingly told me to twerk on this guy and I said 'No, it's weird and I don't know him.' Towards the end, I finally got the courage to pull him to the side and talk with him, and I apologized for everything that happened over Halloween and if I made him uncomfortable and he goes 'I was just as responsible.' And then he said, 'So no hard feelings"' And then I responded with a 'yeah', and we were heading back to the group, and then I fell back on him and he caught me and was like 'How much have you had"' and I said '5', then he went 'Okay, no more for you'. And he kept on holding me while walking back to the group, but I kinda shook him off in an aggressive way, and then we kept on ignoring each other. Another guy from the group came up to me and asked me to dance with him, and I said 'No' in front of everyone, embarrassing him and I felt so bad, but then eventually danced with him, and even me putting his hands on my waist. And then that's when the first guy saw and then immediately left. Looking back at this now, I'm so ashamed and embarrassed, but I just could not control myself. I feel like I made everyone in my friend group uncomfortable, especially both guys. I told myself I wasn't going to drink, but I let my emotions get the best of me again. Please don't judge me, I really am not proud of this at all and I wish I could go back and redo it. What should I do?
Thank you

The easiest answer which you probably don't want to hear, is that it might be best if you join Alcoholic's Anonymous or whatever the equivalent organization is in your country. I say your country because some of what you wrote was consistently different than how people would state it in English. So I can only guess this was translated to English and we know those programs are not 100% perfect, or if you live in the U.S. I have no idea why there were such differences like dancing on someone instead of dancing with someone as I am used to. I am not a teacher nor trying to correct and scrutinize but want to help the best I can and yet I am left having to guess here. I know people who attend AA. It starts with a person drinking socially, either to loosen up a bit and enjoy themselves if shy, or just drink to because everyone else is. It isn't about cutting down a bit because a person's willpower when out with friends who also drink is not strong enough to have one drink and quit. After one drink, a person is still sober enough to decide to stop but not if its such a habit already and being with friends who drink doesn't help. Another reason I have found that people drink alot when out socially is that they are too shy or have things about themselves they don't like or fear would hold them back or make them not fun. So they use alcohol which takes away all inhibitions so that you then are able to do the things you wouldn't do if sober but are things that you kind of want in life or want to try in real life. You may not be an alcoholic yet but it won't be long if you keep drinking as you do and then start looking for reasons in your mind to justify having a drink even when not with your friends, like "Gee, I had such a successful day today, I deserve a drink for that, or "Well, this weekend is a friends birthday and its Friday, so I may all well start the celebrating for her with a drink now and then all weekend to show her how special she is". The reasons a person comes up with are nonsense like the examples I shared and when a person is doing this, they have become an alcoholic. I don't know if its that bad for you but it is a good thing to really examine yourself and ask yourself if you want to keep on this path. Your problem is not what you did with the guy, because you were under the influence of alcohol. Your problem is The Alcohol. And, No...no one I have ever heard of has stopped cold Turkey, meaning simply by willpower. My father in law used to be alcoholic and goes still to meetings, won't touch alcohol at all because to do so is to easily slip right back into it. He changed his patterns and even friends who were drinking buddies. If your friends could hold a party where there wasn't a drop of booze in the place, you might be okay unless seeing them causes you to want a drink so bad you up and leave for the store to get some and bring it back. That is not an exaggeration, that is what it has been like for ex alcoholics I know. These are people I have met since they were clean. I never hung out with people who drink socially. Once went to a new years eve party with Mom and her new hubby and the people around us were so drunk, I felt awkward, and we didn't know them but just observing how they acted while so intoxicated was uncomfortable. I have no problem though with a glass of wine with dinner sometimes but can count on one hand how many in a month. It is a treat, not a way of living for me. If shyness, or lack of self confidence is the actual reason you do this, then perhaps I can help. I used to be shy or have social anxiety before that became a common term. I got rid of it without using alcohol or any drugs. So if that's the case, let me know if you need help with shyness or self confidence or both and I will share advice on what you ask for. If you write to me for that, please write direct to me. You'll find me on the tab "Browse Advice Columnists" and look for dragonflymagic, that's me and contact me from my column. I wish you the best.

[view]

I am a 33 year old female and my boy friend is 34 and I was wondering if he was to old for a Christmas stocking if not what can I put in it ?

I know so many families where both parents, kids and even pets have their own stockings So I see no issue with having a stocking if one wants to still participate in that tradition. Some people buy them and never fill them and use them simply as a Holiday decoration. So if he doesn't have one, get him one. Fill it with whatever you like. Eons ago, stockings were filled mostly with fruits and nuts as edible treats as it was long before grocery stores existed or even candy. But you could fill it with his favorite candy, and add smaller sized gifts. If he has a favorite cologne, a small bottle could fit, even a new pair of socks balled up in the toe of stocking. Maybe a good pair of ear buds/headphones, something small electronic related. Just think of things he likes or has commented on. It can even be a bar of soap scented for men, a comb, whatever.

[view]

I am a younger person, my family says i can't date till I'm am 16 (i have a few years to go still), but I have a boyfriend and i love him with all my heart I haven't meet him in real life yet but i know what he looks like. I wouldn't say my family is strict but I'm just worried if i tell them about our relationship they will make us brake up.

Should I tell my family?

(his family knows about us and is happy for him)

I wouldn't like to say my age but I am female.

Hon, there are two issues here, one is breaking their trust in you by you breaking their rule and the second is your safety. When my girls were end of middle school and entering HS, I told them to watch just how often some popular girls dated and then broke up to start the process all over. The emotions of it all would mess with grades and they reported back they saw that happen. I told them that internet bfs was not a good reality and I will explain. For in real life tho, if they had any friends that were males, they could spend time with them at our home when I was home but bedroom dour must remain open. Out of 3 daughters, not a single guy took them up on those rules. I remember myself at 16, and know today that no young girl is ready for such a relationship at HS ages. Your parents are being generous in allowing you to start dating at 16. I told my girls I preferred they wait until they graduate and all of them did.
Since you are talking about an internet relationship or LDR as it's called for short, there are warnings. If you haven't seen anything but photos and not live on screen, then no matter how many photos, it could be photos of some guy when he was younger but he is now older like college age. Males will tend to prey on very young girls for several reasons but the biggest is how easy it is to dupe them, to grow fear in them and get them to give up what they want, lie and threaten with girls too gullible and believing or the girls feel too ashamed to speak up and do the right thing to get such a man arrested. He might be harmless though. My oldest made such a friend whose dad was taking the kids to our area to visit an aunt one summer and I spoke to the dad who said he was willing to stop by our place so the kids could meet one afternoon. Although she spent the afternoon at the beach with him and his family, her interest in him disappeared after that and they never wrote again. The reason is that what little they liked about each other on screen could not compare to a lack of chemistry in person. There is the chemistry you feel to want to be someones friend and I am talking of friends that are girls too. Then there is romantic chemistry. After a divorce and talking to guys on dating sites, around 15 years ago, I meet plenty that I really liked or felt I might be falling for. Then we meet in person at a coffee shop or restaurant and discovered there was no chemistry at all, and yet they were nice guys. One even looked like a male model from a magazine, but without chemistry, a relationship won't work. Neither of you are of an age to be able to hop in your own car and drive off to meet in person. Also, the part of your brain that is capable of making good/sound decisions is not yet done growing, although your body may have matured. Unfortunately, scientists say the frontal lobe of the brain isn't complete until around age 25 so any decision making before that is bound to be short sighted, misguided, or possibly dangerous to you. I told my kids to use their parents, us, to pass along an ideas of theirs and even if we made a rule, to ask if they could appeal. That is something done in courts if you are not happy with a decision and have extra input to share that may change the decision of a judge or in this case, parents. Now that I have given you some background into this situation, and the fact that you even thought to ask here at all, I am sure you can see that it is better to come clean with the parents. If this boy is safe and you want to have him as a friend online, then your parents would have to know this. They can not talk to or meet his parents to be sure this is all on the level, if they do not know this is going on in the first place. You are old enough to decide what characteristics you like and don't like in a friend, female or male and it is a good time to start keeping written notes of what you like. That way, if a so called friend is treating you the opposite of what you need and want, then you know that it isn't a healthy friendship. I can honestly tell you that the best way to go is to have a guy first as a friend and when old enough, as a boyfriend and even later as partner and lover. Skip any of that, and you may end up picking badly on guys the rest of your life. Start now, act responsible and be responsible, and in time you will have better and better friends and a guy who is worth your time.

[view]

okay so lost my virginity last month with a tinder man after only knowing him for about 2 hours this is not how i would have liked to do that not really bc it was my first time more of i just didn’t know the guy at all and to make things worse my cherry popped and it was a whole thing prior to all this the man laid things out really clearly that there are really 3 options on how things go with new people 1 relationship 2 friends but more 3 fuck buddies i understood 2 as friends that could turn into more but after the night of i came to realize that it was more of friends with benefits so i said 2 is how i would like to go about things and then he mentioned that he had no time for a relationship and 2 would work better for him anyways but obviously it was his version of #2 not mine

well anyways my first instinct is to ghost because i’m not looking into anything strictly casual like maybe at first but i would like the possibility of a relationship to be there whether it’s what happens with us or not and i’m contemplating what to do so this is kinda what i’ve been feeling lately


okay so it’s weird like i want to be 🤮 (lovey dovey) sometimes too and i want to have a crush on someone but the thought of going back to a place where i felt embarrassed will literally kill me like i know everyone says they don’t care but i do like it wasn’t my period it was my cherry and knowing that without him knowing it was my first time is too much bc i will always know and also it’s just kinda gross that my blood was on his dick like idk what kind of kink you got that’s weird and even if i did get over the whole bleeding thing he told me he doesn’t have time for a relationship so what good would being there be for me anyways i know what i want also red flag for not getting food when i said i was hungry and also like it was me who misunderstood so it’s not even like hes a bad guy he kept asking if i was good and i said yes but also a part of me was scared that if i would had said no would he had stopped like it’s scary to think about but what would have happened at least i’m at peace knowing that it was what it was and not rape but it did leave an icky feeling behind bc of how rushed everything felt if this man knew anything about me he would have known that’s not how i would have wanted things to go if he had taken the time to get to know me it wouldn’t have happened but he didn’t we knew nothing about eachother and if i would have known him a little better i coukd better tell if i would have wanted to go there with him i would have been able to tell if he was an actual chill guy or just putting up a front to get in my pants it’s a weird feeling bc i say all this but it was so nice for someone to want me whether it was my body or me it was nice never have i ever gotten that attention from anyone and it made me feel confident which i know your self worth shouldnt depend on other people but it does for me like whether or not i wanted him to fuck me that night he did make me feel hot even while wiping off blood from my body like i say i was embarrassed but the embarrassment didn’t hit until i was gone he never made me feel bad about what happened i just think it was a weird situation and maybe if i got to know who he was i wouldn’t be so conflicted with ghosting i would be able to make my decision and stick with it bc he could be great and i can be missing out or he can be shitty and i would have dodged a bullet but idk and that’s the issue

You said enough already with him knowing you were hungry but not caring enough to stop to get you something to eat. That is like sneaking a peek into a room through a cracked door. That glimpse of what you saw or felt with him is just the first bit of what he is like and there is way more of the same. Since it doesn't sound like what you are looking for in a guy, don't go back. Ghosting though is something people do today that is the 'chickens way out'. Unless he is dangerous or would go into a rage, it is best to let a person know the truth next time they call or text. But I don't mean the exact truth. I did that once and received a couple of very hateful phone messages from the guy. So here's what you say, "I'm sorry but I just didn't feel enough chemistry with you to have a friendship with or without sex." Or put that in your own words but use 'chemistry'. Truthfully, chemistry is for real but hardly anything studied or written about it. Think of how you like some people for friends when you first meet and others you don't. If this invisible chemistry wasn't for real, you'd be friends with everyone you ever met, and thats a lot of people. Then there is the chemistry separate from that for romance and sex. That is why some people might be into you but you don't feel the chemistry in return. If someone is the right one, then both people will feel the chemistry for each other, both the friendship and the romance or the person would only be a friend. I am not feeling well right now and should be clear headed maybe by Sunday and can share more if you'd like, especially what I learned from meeting guys through internet dating as there weren't phone apps then but the principles are the same. I can share some good do's and don'ts so you don't end up in a dangerous situation or frustrated in not finding what you want. Besides internet date advice, I have a document on how to find Mr. Right so if you want to hear either, let me know by going to 'Browse Advice columnists on the left, then finding 'dragonflymagic' and clicking on that, cus that's me and I will get your direct response without it going for all to see and them being confused.

[view]

I am a 33 year old female and my boyfriend is 34 and we have been dating less than a month ,but his birthday is on Christmas. I was going to get him 2 separate gifts one for his birthday and 1 for Christmas I just don't know what . Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Hi, I remember answering you before. Its good you're doing separate gifts. As to what to get him, you know him better and I don't know him at all. So I can only try to get you started on thinking about it. So is he a reader, does he love to read? Get him a book. Does he have a favorite type of music or band, maybe a new album just out so get a CD. Is he more into tinkering, like fixing things, doing projects around the house, then a nice compact tool kit, just ask at a hardware store for a tool that does many different things. These are usually advertised on TV for Christmas although I don't have a TV so I couldn't say.Is he into toys geared more for adults or older kids like radio controlled toys or does he put together model kits of cars, planes or such. I just sent off a Christmas package early with a gift for son in law of a hover ball, a bit complicated for little kids but fun for older kids and adults and it works like a boomerang but has to be charged on a USB connection to work. Maybe he is into clothes and fashion? Then if you know what colors he likes, a nice shirt, or maybe a mens necklace, short like choker style. These are the kinds of things to think about getting. A great help for next year is watching and listening carefully and making notes of what he spent lots of time looking at, had interest in but didn't buy cus probably it felt like a non neccessity if money is the reason. I have come up with great gifts that way. For example, while in HI visiting daughter this summer, she looked often at a certain dress. Then she asked which color I thought she liked, I pointed and was right. She couldn't afford it, so later I got it for her and thats her Christmas gift. It shouldn't matter which item is for Birthday and which for Christmas. If he has a favorite place to got eat or a favorite type of food like Italian or Mexican, get a gift certificate for a restaurant or better, take him out a couple days before Christmas to his favorite food and give a smaller gift. Hopes this helps you think of something.

[view]

Hello, i need some advice :(
I was talking to this guy back in august of this year. He is 36 im 30. Everything was going good until i felt like something was going on. He used to hang out talk but then we started losing connection. He said i was the problem, that i never went to his house at least to chill with him or cook or clean. He said he wanted to have something serious with me but he thinks we are on different levels. So he cut me off. 3 days after i see him with another girl at the club. That hurted me so bad! 2 months ago he texted me and told me to go to his house.. me like an idiot went. We had sex we chilled and then the next day he brought me home. (Mind you when we were talking at the beginning thats all we used to do) on saturday he wanted me to go to his house & i said no because i had my period.. he said soo its not all about sex . I ignored him. The next day i texted him saying i had REALLY BAD CRAMPS AND THAG I DIDNT FELT GOOD! Well guess what? He left me on SEEN. Wow he didn’t even tell me “do you need anything “ so a couple of hours after he's at the club and he recorder the table he was sitting at and i saw a woman purse next to him.
😞 i just don’t understand how he text me and then be with someone else.. im VERY CONFUSE !! I don’t wanna fall back into his game when he text me !! Please i need some answers some advice. My heart is already BROKEN!!!!! 🥺🥺😭😭😭😭

Women's intuition is like a radar and it works well so if you felt there was something going on under the surface with him that you couldn't see, it was probably right. Don't let your feelings lead you astray as is now happening when he goes out with other girls but you want to be exclusive with him. I'll start with you saying he said you never go to his house to chill or cook or clean. I am wondering if you meant that he just wanted to do things together even if just chores because if he wanted you to do all the cooking and all his cleaning on your own, then the man is looking for a mommy substitute, but one he can have sex with as well. Its not a good sign if he wants you to be his maid. I had that with my ex and I stayed 30 years and after 3 kids grew up. On top of that, he verbally abused me too. So on to the next, with him saying he wanted something serious with you. If a guy is serious about you, he wouldn't even be thinking about spending time with another girl. If he thought he found the one and only woman for him, his attention would not be divided but all on you. Perhaps he feels you are young and inexperienced enough to not see what is going on or not even have a clue that something here is not normal. If he truly said he was serious about you, maybe you need to ask if he is seriously looking for a wife or another female to add to his little black book of a list of girls for bootie calls. I am guessing its for bootie calls. He breaks it off when there was never any kind of agreement etween you. I mean that both of you share off the bat at the beginning what you are looking for. Some guys just want bootie calls, some a friend with benefits, others a long term girlfriend he can be exclusive with, or he doesn't want to be exclusive, just get together whenever he has the itch to do so, or he is a man seriously looking for a woman to be his wife. This list applies to you as well. Did you ever tell him what you want, like saying, "hey, I want you to know that I am looking to be in an exclusive dating relationship that will end in marriage?" Whatever it is you want, its important to state it. Yeah, it may drive some guys away, but don't worry, those guys aren't the one worth giving yourself to. It works great to weed out the rotten apples as far as guys go. If you are serious about finding Mr. Right, you will first need to examine yourself closely. It's like looking at yourself like an HR person would if hiring for a position. You have to know how to tell another person what your strengths and weaknesses are. You need to be able to decide what you need and what you want in a guy so you can compare him against these qualities which are best written down somewhere so you can keep looking at it and refreshing or adding or changing any. I have a document I can send if you wish that explains the difference between needs and wants and all the details you will need to be equipped to search for the right guy. At this point I am guessing that you both want different things and he has failed to be clear with you and honest about it. Believe me when I say that if a man was only looking for a woman for sex, that there are women who would jump at that chance because that is what they want too. Usually, they are women who have already been married and no longer want to find another guy for marriage, they just want a sometimes male companion to do stuff with, including sex, so if he were honest, he could get what he wanted. If you want the document on finding Mr. Right, let me know by clicking on 'Browse Advice Columnists' and searching for Dragonflymagic, thats me and writing back to me. That way it comes only to me and not to the general group who might be confused with what you write if its for me only. In the meanwhile, I have a shorter list with a short test to determine if he loves you. I will add that now.

Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesnt deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.

1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wants and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women tranlate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

[view]

I'm 48, and from Nigeria. I'm married without kids. I have a side chick, who is not married but has a 5-year-old son out of wedlock. She is my subordinate in my place of work. (I got her the job there). She knows I'm married, knows my wife and my wife knows her as my subordinate at work. My side chick and I love each other. She finds it hard to get a boyfriend because she has some toxic tendencies; she picks a fight at almost everything. We quarrel almost every other day over flimsy issues, and she gives me the silent treatment every now and then until I strive to get us back on talking terms. This has been going on for about 7 months now. Each time she stops talking to me, I want to leave her, but I start to miss her so much that I end up making up with her. Shortly after we make up, I don't miss her that much anymore, especially at the way she gets so much all over me, even in the office, and I don't care if she gives me the silent treatment over the next fight, telling myself it will simply be the best opportunity to walk away from the relationship. Until it happens again, usually within a day or two and she starts to give me the silent treatment again over a flimsy issue, and I start to miss her and make up with her again. This has been going on again and again and again. She started giving me the silent treatment again yesterday because I won't take a video of her with my phone in the office in the presence of my boss. I was glad this was another chance for me to let her go forever, but as of today, I've started to miss her again a little. I believe she misses me too each time and always waits for me to make up with her. Another reason I tend to worry about her easily is that she has suicidal tendencies, is often depressed and feels lonely. What should I do? Should I let the silent treatment continue this time and end the relationship no matter how much I miss her? Even when most times I miss her so much that I can tend to find it hard to focus. Especially when I see her at work every day.

Are you are pychiatrist or pschologist by trade? If not, you have no reason to try to be helping her. She needs professional help. Also, you are married and though the wife thinks this is just a worker at the business, the wife has no idea about you having this other women on the side. I do get how this can happen because most married people either stubbornly do the right thing but are unhappy. However most people are married to either a best friend, or a lover, not a person who is both. So I am guessing your wife is your best friend. However you don't feel sexually satisfied with her and so you hoped to find that in this other woman. Am I correct so far? See, there is something called chemistry and we can not make ourselves have chemistry to be a friend and the other chemistry to be lovers. The trick is to find someone who is both to you, if done in the beginning before getting into relationships. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with the wife, but her chemistry may be better suited to another man. The side chick is your source for sex but for rest of relationship she is not a good match. So it seems you have the chemistry for friend with wife, and the chemistry for sex with side chick but no friendship from her. Now if you are honest with yourself, what you do in secret, is not the work of a good friend to your wife. You are keeping a secret from her and having another relationship on the side. I know that I would not want to do anything to hurt my best friend. You may say you have close friends, males though. But a persons marriage partner should also be a close and best friend. You are out of integrity with wife and for you the decisions of what to do should be based on the problems you are having in your life, with how you think and how you feel. You can not focus on what is going on with the subordinate because her problems are just as great as yours though she needs a therapist to help her. You may be able to change without a therapist but I would still recommend it especially since the side chick is someone you see every day at work and you will need better advice than you can get here.

[view]

Hello..
i'v messaged you before about a certain problem i was facing in the previous months, i would really need an advice for the updated events..
In the end she made abortion and we continued our lives, after some time for i don't know what reason he decided to end things with me and he went back to her, then after some time he came back to me again, and i took him back AGAIN..
This situation was happening continually and i was taking him back every time, except the last time which lasted almost a month.
The difference is that she was there temporarily as he wasn't promising her anything and actually she knew and he was telling her that his heart belongs to me, i don't know what he's going through with his life his choices, this is all disgusting but at the same time i want to help him.
Anyway.. now we are together almost a month, he looks happy maybe i am too. I want things the way they used to be.
But now i have that fear again where he might go back to her, i still didn't forgive him but not every relationship has the same nature.
I just want you to at least give me an idea what's going on in his head. I know me going back to him is so wrong and im just making my self value going down every time i'm going back to him, but i feel weak and vulnerable .
Anything will help me ..
Thanks in advance.

Didn't see this until coming back from vacation so I couldn't reply sooner. Wow, I wish I were a mind reader cus if I were, I'd know exactly what thoughts are going through his head. I have a feeling that both of you have difficulty with having meaningful revealing conversation. This sounds like pushing buttons and randomly punching all sorts of them hoping that some day you both will punch in the right sequence and get it but that to me is uncertain like gambling or very hard to do like finding a needle in a haystack.

I can only guess at what is going on. The least likely is that he may be polyamorous and not know it, or if he does is afraid to bring it up. The term covers relationships of all kinds where a person has more than one person they are emotionally invested in and for many its not only an emotional connection but there is the sexual connection as well. It takes what a person might with difficulty handle in a one on one relationship and multiplies all of it, the good, the bad and the ugly so it is a real stretch for people to grow. As I said this is unlikely. I know most people will want to be the only one important to their partner.
The other possible explanation is that he has strong feelings for both of you and just can't narrow down his choice because there are things about both of you he likes/loves.

Then there is a possibility he is not a one-woman man so he goes from one monogamous relationship until he has had enough of one female and moves on to the next. Although in his case, I doubt it since he isn't into a new person each time but jumping back and forth with both of you.

Finally, it could be he's just a rotten apple so to speak. He may have no desire for any in depth relationship with one woman at all and he could be a player, playing with the emotions of both of you.

I have to add that men are the way they are because males are fewer than females and when females accept a man whose does things that hurt or can destroy a relationship, a woman takes him back. Woman act so desperate to have a man that men don't have to stand up to any kind of loyalty, and all the rest of good traits. They can be as mean, nasty and hurtful as is possible and still some woman will snatch him up and take him back over and over. I know it can be lonely waiting for the right one to come along. Also, men with good looks don't have to treat a woman right to get her in his life. They fall at his feet, excited he has shown her attention. In comparison, if a guy isn't the hottest, handsome man out there, he doesn't have looks to lure in a woman, so often you will find men in this category who have studied and learned how to treat a woman right and how to love her unconditionally but there are no women throwing themselves at him.

Some people fall in love with the idea of who they want that life partner to be. And since you can not be in love with an idea, and if that person doesn't live up to that ideal, then marriage /or long term, life long relationship is not meant to be.
I don't know if it will help but I have a list of questions for you to answer, not for me but the results will give you an idea of where you stand, as in does he love you or not. Here it is.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

I believe in relationships, there are two kinds of chemistry, the first one being what pulls two people together to be best of friends. Many couples have a partner who treats them as a best friend but thats not enough in a romantic relationship. You both need to have the sexual, love chemistry as well. Then combined with the friend who would never do anything to hurt their love, a person will remain faithful and sticking by their partners side, not leaving whenever, not lacking ability to make a commitment.

Have some true revealing talks if he will truthfully do that with you. Find out if he has a problem with commitment. Did he witness something growing up, parents or others he knew who got divorced, or guys who made the women he chose for sex, not really a relationship, way more than icecreams 31 flavors. this is the best I can offer and the final decision is still up to you.

[view]

As I am getting older (turning 27yrs old), I'm starting to realize that my friend group has significantly diminished. COVID caused a lot of isolation over the two years, and as time went on the space grew between me and the people who I thought I was close with. Sometimes when I see them or try to talk to them via message I just feel alienated because of how loss in touch I am with them and how different we've become as individuals. Unfortunately we don't talk anymore (they don't even try and attempt small talk either). I know that it is a part of life. They say people come and go... but sometimes I feel hurt and bummed out about it. These people who I thought were going to be my friends to the very end have moved on with their lives, are getting engaged, buying houses, hitting milestones in their lives etc. and while that is great and I am truly happy for them, its just that deep down I am sad because I thought I'd be a part of their lives during these big moments.
Besides my family, I don't feel like I have a big community to lean on anymore and I feel a little bit lost. I'm envious of people who have a tight knit of close friends who hang out because I yearn for that myself. And while I do try to get along with everyone, personally, I just find it hard to find true good genuine friends that click with me if that makes sense.

Any advice how to overcome this loneliness?

Look for single groups in your area and join to get notifications on what get togethers are planned like for example a hike or day at the beach and go for things you like to do. Or go about this the other way, picking out things you like to do, then looking for any groups of people who meet who like to do the same. This works great for many things, like Kite fliers, those who fly drones, hiking clubs and so on. If there are not enough women to meet in one group and you want to find a date partner as well, just keep trying new groups. These you will find on line.

[view]

I have been asking myself a lot lately if I still want my ex back, but I am very happy in my relationship with my fiance. But when I ended up finding out that my ex was talking to somebody I flipped out, I got very upset and felt like I was losing something.. I just don't know what.

I have been with my fiance almost 3 years, and in the last 3 years it's been some down and up days.. mainly up days. I don't know if I'm afraid of losing my ex because he's talking to somebody new or I'm afraid of moving on from my ex because I was with him for 12 years and we have three kids together. I just really don't know what to do, I feel like some days I just want to cry another days I just want to just scream why me.. because I don't want to be without my fiance, but I think sometimes I don't want to be without my ex either..which makes everything extremely difficult.

My fiance said that he knows I'm still in love with my ex, but it's not like I want him back it's just sometimes I get very emotional and I don't know how to react except with arguing and crying, and that's not fair to anybody involved. Any really good and genuine advice would very much be appreciated.. in due time everything will happen that's supposed to happen and if me and my fiance are meant to be, then we will be.

When it came time for me to part ways with my husband, I had a vision where I was standing at a big ceremony ribbon holding a pair of scissors. Then I heard a voice, (likely God) telling me that if I meant to carry through on a divorce, that I had to cut the ties to my current husband before I divorce. But these ties are in your imagination, although I believe they are really there but invisible. I was told if I cut that ribbon, of which each end was attached to each of our abdomens, then there was no going back, that relationship had to end to that so i would be ready to move on. I had teen/college age kids out of the house when I finally left. In the vision, I decided I was done, (verbally abused all marriage) but understood the gravity. I had since read about this phenomenon on the internet but can't recall what its called. But for many, this kind of cutting of the ribbon, or the connection formed between two people who were a couple, needs to happen. You of course will still see him when it comes to sharing the kids or visitations but with the connection severed, it should help a lot. You did leave for a reason. Keep that reason in mind, regardless of still having feelings for him. those should go in time if you visualize both of you with a cord or ribbon connecting you together and then visualize yourself cutting that connection. Our minds are powerful things and hopefully that should help. I'd love to hear back sometime down the road to know it worked. Just refer to what we both talked about and I'll remember you.
Blessings to you

[view]

So I have been dating this guy for a little over 2 months and his birthday is on Christmas do I just get 1 gift and tell him is for both or do I get him 2 gifts for his birthday and Christmas?

Anyone who has a birthday land on Christmas feels robbed that they never get two separate gifts, one for their birthday and one for Christmas. So giving one meant to represent both is not a good move if you want to impress. So if still dating by then, give one gift for his birthday early in December like in the first week. Then for Christmas, a Christmas gift, on Christmas or the day before.

[view]

Hi. My first name is Tanner. I injured my right shoulder in a fall trying to do parkour on some concrete structures and I am obviously not as good as I thought. I had other injuries but the shoulder is the big deal. It sucks because I do play baseball, but at least I have lots of time to recover before next summer. So right now I am doing physical therapy for one hour 4 x week for 8 weeks and maybe longer depending on progress. After my PT they let me use one of the treadmills and I usually run for about 30 to 60 minutes. My post today is about the attractive female therapist I have been assigned.
I started with a guy but another patient who was way obese needed his help so he switched with this freaking cute as hell female therapist named Hallie. I noticed her the first day and did not think I would be lucky enough to get her but it did work out. She is actually very good at her job, very smart, great at motivating and encouraging, and like full of you can do it positive energy. I am guessing she is late 20’s or early 30’s. It is hard to tell but no matter what she looks great.
So the challenge is that I am turned on every single time she makes physical contact with my body (skin on skin or through my workout shirt). The contact is nearly constant during the hour doing testing and exercises. She also measures my arm and chest muscles weekly to monitor for atrofe which was hot because she made me take my shift off right there and I was nervous but she just smiled and said “don’t worry you look great” which made me feel sexy. She is not doing anything like obviously sexual, but her hands are all over my right shoulder, right upper arm, right pectoral, and sometimes on my back in the shoulder area. She does this rubbing and poking of my muscles in those areas she calls palpating. She also has me lift my shirt and palpates my ribs which still hurt like hell. It is just exercise and legit exam stuff but I am getting raging boners from it all.
I hoped to hide the situation but I am supposed to wear loose fitting clothes and normal gym shorts do not hide anything. She noticed me getting red in the face and acting weird and panicked and breaking out in a panic sweat and thought something else was wrong and asked and I just glanced down where my shorts were like totally tented and obvious. I whispered I was sorry and I cannot help it. She laughed but not like in a mean way and told me it happens a lot and she was “super complimented” and just said I was a healthy young man. I was like so relieved she did not think I was a perv even though I am obviously attracted to her. She actually handled it like a pro.
I asked about a pillow to cover my lap and she said “no, you are good.” At first I was thinking she likes making tent up but then it was obvious I am just changing positions a lot standing versus sitting for different things. So I am tented for the whole hour now doing my PT thing and she mostly ignores it.
The most sexual comment is she asked if I considered masturbating before PT so I might not get hard during PT. I think it was like a legit suggestion to help me not feel awkward. I admitted I basically do that now every time and I still get a boner and she laughed and just said “wow” which I think means she thinks I am a stud or that I am freak to masturbate that much.
I think she is using my obvious sexual attraction to her to motivate me. She calls me “stud” instead of my name and makes a comment about trading in the obese lady for a boy athlete. I get so red in the face but laugh pretty bad which always hurt my ribs. If I am finding an exercise or something painful or difficult she whispers “do it for me” in this like sexy voice and I swear it is like magic and I power through it and even if it hurts I don’t care because she is like acting all proud of me rubbing my chest afterward.
Basically, I am enjoying her attention and I don’t want PT to end. She is doing too good a job and I am getting better too fast. I am not stupid. I know she is not into me that way (or at least I sincerely doubt it). Even if she thinks I am cute for my age, the age thing is obviously a big deal. I am jail bait. And she would easily be able to get really cool guys her own age. Sometimes it feels like she is flirting and maybe she is trying to get me as horny as possible with the compliments and feeling up my chest. On the other perspective, if you like look at it from the outside she is just doing the normal stuff to help me and also trying to motivate me in my recovery. As proof it is working I have never missed a session and I always do my best and I always run the treadmill after just so I can watch her do her thing with the next person (sorry if that is creepy).
I have resisted the urge to say outright how attracted I am to her, but would it be cool to tell her that even just as a compliment not trying to make something happen? But that might take me from innocent horndog who cannot help it to weird perv who is actively fantasizing and crushing on her. What about getting her a gift when I am done just like a thank you but also cause I hope she remembers me? I know that is maybe dumb, but do people ever do that? Probably I will not ever see her or talk to her again once my therapy is done, but it is like she has invaded my brain and just thinking about going to PT turns me on. We already text about appointments and legit therapy stuff. Should I text her at all other than that? I am sad maybe I should not text her anymore. I sort of want to see if she would ever want to see me play baseball, but why would she want to go to a high school baseball game to see some former patient play? I thought about giving her an older uniform baseball cap from my team (not one I will use in the next season). Am I crazy? Be nice please I am not a perv just I dig her a lot.

Sounds like she is understanding. And she has learned along the way how to motivate certain people. I had PT for an injured wrist once and all it was is appts made by phone to a receptionist but never getting a phone # of my therapist. So if compared to what its like for me on West coast, that doesn't sound normal, having your therapists phone #, but then maybe things are done different in your area. However, either way, that number should be used only for therapy related stuff and should not go past the completion of your therapy. Bringing a gift to her is also not normal. I can assure you that patients are not obligated to give a gift. Then again, I've never heard of patients giving anything other than the words "Thank you" and no gifts used, new, personal. I know that you would probably be okay but you can't be handing out gifts to every pretty female you have to interact with during your life. It reminds me of a story of husband at 5 0r 6 finding a girl in class he really liked...never had spoken with her. But took most of his mothers jewelry and gave it to her as a gift. So I am sorry but my instinct is to think this is something a young boy does..

You already said "but why would she want to go to a high school baseball game to see some former patient play?" You are right, if she had to go somewhere or see all her male patients she has had daily, weekly, monthly long after therapy is done, she wouldn't have the time to live her life or even date a guy of her choosing who is also into her. When one person is still in HS and the other older, that is an age gap that doesn't work at that time of life but couples who are lets say 25 and older can have an age gap and do well. You are young and despite exaggerations of your buddies, your responses are normal. Not all women look at a mans crotch to see if they are having an affect on him, whether she's married or not. The only one who matters is her husband or boyfriend and then looking is normal. If she was concentrating on the part of your body needing therapy, then she would be focused there, not looking at your crotch and as you said, she had no idea what was wrong with you until you pointed down. To her, you are likely just another patient, part of her work. And I'll bet there are rules about patient provider not having any romance or getting together. Now if you didn't have therapy and meet someone somewhere in public, coffee shop, park, great, those rules don't apply. So best just to treasure this in your memory and don't do anything further.

[view]

I need advice about meeting someone offline for the first time. I am also needing advice about what will be a first sexual encounter somewhat out of my comfort zone.
I am Linus 26M. I have been invited to an in person visit with a very fun and sexy 35F I have been flirting with online, by video, and by phone for the past 4 months. That does include some sexting and phone sex type stuff and some things she had me do for her on video. I am not going to be more specific. We are both single and just looking for a fun relationship with no preconceived idea about romance. This will be about a 3-hour drive for me so nothing too extreme or expensive as far as getting there and back. It would be for a 4-day weekend with me staying at her place.
It is maybe 20 percent social friend visit and 80 percent sexual adventure based on our shared fantasies. We have been driving ourselves crazy talking about all the hot things we want to do and there is no way we will be able to do it all but it is something we are both psyched about. It is mutual, but she seems on a mission to entice me and it is totally working.
I am stoked but I am also way nervous about expectations as she is into a lot of what I consider extreme kinky stuff and female dominating the male. I have mixed feelings but she insists it is not meant to be a demeaning thing for me but just a rush for her to be in charge. Her enthusiasm, positive feedback, and taunting my ego to prove my manhood blah blah is like overriding the fear factor at the moment. I am also very genuinely attracted to her and am eager to see if I can handle what she wants to try and impress her somehow. Again, I am not being super specific because I don’t think this is that kind of site.
I was so happy she agreed to video contact first because it confirmed (a) she is actually female, (b) she is the same person as her pics, (c) I am very much attracted to her (both on looks and attitude), and (d) she is attracted to me visually and otherwise. Part of the video was an inspection thing she wanted to do and I passed. I agreed to some temporary appearance changes. She definitely seems to like shy young guys eager to prove something. She keeps saying I would look good “all tied up.” LOL But at least there will be no catfish surprises.
She provided me a checklist of the kinky things she wants to try and let me mark them off as (a) eager to try, (b) willing to try but not so sure about it, and (c) no way in hell I am trying it. TBH, more than half the list was (c) and only about 10 items were (a) but she said that was plenty to have a lot of fun and she was not disappointed. She gave me a safe word and we set up a deal where I will call a friend every so many hours to confirm I am alive and not being tortured to death. Also, she suggested I set up my phone so I can be tracked by my safe person.
She also has some people who are checking on her during my visit to make sure I am not a freak turning the tables on her. We are literally meeting at a neutral place (Applebees) and she will decide if I seem safe enough to get to go home with her after dinner. Worst case, I buy her dinner, it is a busy, I stay in a hotel room by myself, and I drive home the next day. She has done this before with other guys so I am on notice this is not something exclusive. That is weird and exciting at the same time and part of me is wondering I will compare to other dudes she has dominated for sex.
So, am I like falling into some kind of horrible trap with a female Dahmer where I will never be heard from again? She has promised she is not a cannibal and will not do any “permanent damage.” I don’t get a scary vibe, but I also feel like I am in over my head in some ways. She says she loves the idea I am a “vanilla” guy and she gets to rock my world in new ways. So far I really enjoy earning her praise and even the affirmation “good boy.”
I know my critical thinking is being influenced by the sexy sales pitch I am getting and her positive comments on the body inspection. On the other hand, it seems to me like we are taking reasonable precautions. Should I just chill and enjoy whatever happens and do my best to meet her expectations? Or, is this the stupidest thing you ever heard about a desperately horny shy guy getting himself talked into doing? Feel free to take either side or just give advice. I want to do it but need genuine objective feedback.

Not sure what you were trying to convey at the beginning when I read "a first sexual encounter somewhat out of my comfort zone" So I am not sure if you meant this is your first dom-sub encounter or your first time having sex. I ask because I know there are people who sometimes have not ever had sex for the first time til much much later, so my answer will vary a little if thats the case. If its your first time ever, then I feel it may be a case of you biting off more than you can chew so to speak. You did mention feeling in over your head and half the check list not sounding good to you at all. I can understand how this must be an enticing thing to consider if you are a male who hasn't done this kind of thing before. There is enough excitement in just having a new partner for many. They seek that excited feeling at the beginning of a relationship, which I call new relationship energy and have read about the situation and think it may apply here. NRE is the same thing you feel about anything new to you, especially like when you were a kid and made your wants known and were sure that you would get it for Christmas or your Birthday, and just waiting for the day to unwrap the gift was so exciting.
So when you got exactly what you thought you wanted, it was great at first and you wanted to play with it every day but as time went on, you played less, and even less until you totally ignored it. I experienced that with toys and know the same applies in relationships. If the toy was just right for me, then I never tired of it. If it wasn't right for me, then I was excited due to the new experience of playing with it but it soon lost it's appeal. The same can happen in human relationships. This is something new for you no matter which way your beginning statement goes. Since this is for sex and not for a relationship, then once or twice is fine but soon after you or her may want another some one new and it ends. The worst that can happen is if there is no chemistry. Chemistry that I speak of is romantic sexual chemistry, important for most to have sex with a person. A persons looks come into the picture, yes. But there is more to chemistry than just what you see. After a divorce, I joined two online dating sites. I was not after what you want but there are plenty on line who state they look for just sex. So I speak out of experience when I say that on line chatting and on the phone can be so widely different than meeting in person. You can meet some one who looks like a model that just walked off the page of a magazine. I once met a man like that. Wow! I thought at first but after the one date, neither of us wanted to go further as we just didn't feel drawn to each other. I spent time on line, falling for a guys mind, how he thought and so on. That is what you currently have with her. The worst was when I arrived first at a restaurant to meet a guy and was at the front waiting. I did not recognize him from his photo, although the photo was of him. Some people are not photogenic. He looked okay but immediately I felt a lack of chemistry which to me was a lack of excitement as in "Oh gosh, this is my date? I am so lucky" and the feeling of butterflies or a quickened heart beat. He asked if I was who I am and I said yes. Without missing a beat he says, "This is not going to work out, is it " spoken more like a statement than a question. I verbally agreed, glad he felt the same but we sat and had our dinner anyways and in talking, confirmed we had many times in common except that chemistry was lacking. Chemistry isn't something you can make happen. It is there or isn't. And with on line relationships, it is not something you can tell because you have to be in person, face to face for it to happen. Even if just for sex, I can't see anything happening if you or both of you feel that when you first meet. You really won't know until the day. I got so hopeful a handful of times but when I met the guys, no chemistry and I actually wished on two occasions that there was chemistry cus the guy had everything in common with me and was very nice. However, when I met my 2nd husband this way, there was chemistry. So I am merely telling you that if you get together and you do not feel the chemistry because it feels like you are kissing your Mom like a female lover and that image can't be gotten rid of, it may be there is no chemistry, even if forcing sex to happen by pushing yourself to do the next step. I have felt that like at the end of a date, kissing the guy and it felt gross like kissing a male relative, not because he was bad at it, simply due to lack of chemistry. Also, you may like being the sub and her the dom. But if this is all she wants every time, just different versions of the dom thing, always telling you what to do, getting treated like a lap dog. Anything in life usually has to be experienced before you know if you like it or not.
There are some things you will know for sure but some times, a vocation, career type sounds great until in it and then you quit to do something else. Or trying different foods until you know whether you like something like Sushi or not for example. Same with sex. It is nice to have a partner also willing to try new things but in this case, it sounds like it is all about her when I read "it is not meant to be a demeaning thing for me but just a rush for her to be in charge." If she is pressing this so hard with you, it would seem that this is what gets her off. Will she be able to have 'vanilla' sex without the kinky stuff. Or maybe this kinky stuff is a first for her and til now she's only studied it in books or online and wants to experience it for real. If I let my mind wander, I also wonder if she is married or ever was, and her husband didn't like it, maybe divorced her over it when the dom thing and kinky sex was all she wanted. People will sometimes just decide on a whim to do something new. There are limits always to what a partner may want or be in the mood for on a particular day. As long as you are comfortable. If you get into the middle of this and inside your spirit is screaming to escape this, then use your safe word, tell her you've discovered this is not for you and then get up and leave to your hotel room and chalk this up as just one thing you learned that you do not like.

[view]

I'm in high school and the person I've been dating for a year recently came out as trans. He (formerly she) has begun dressing like a guy, has cut his hair short, and is now using a male name.

He says he still loves me but understands if I no longer want to be involved. I've always thought of myself as straight. But I'm still very much in love too and so I told him that I'm willing to give this a shot.

My parents and a few of my friends seem to think I'm crazy for wanting to remain together. Maybe I am but, like I said, I'm still in love and want to see if we can make this work. Any advice on how to make everyone back off and just accept that this is something I have to do?

Lets see if I understood correctly. You and another girl originally were dating so my first thought is that both of you or one was Lesbian. You state you think of yourself as straight. Unless there is a newer definition for straight, I know 'straight' to mean a person who is sexually drawn to the opposite sex. So if you are straight for sure, then you were going against your natural inclinations at first by dating a girl. So if this SO is actually Trans, meaning changing to male, then this should be to your advantage, so you now have you as the female and your SO as a male. Bear in mind that many things we feel and believe will still change from HS until we are end of college ages or a little later. So things may change. I understand there is a two part change, with the beginning one as introducing hormone therapy to grow facial hair and such. Later is the sex change operation, removing breasts and changing the sex organs. I can understand loving the person inside no matter what they are on the outside. Inside he feels male and that is fine but the only thing I can see as possible future issues is if you both are still together in lets say 5 to 10 years, what will happen regarding having children? I think that might be the biggest concern of people, especially parents who may want to be grandparents one day and are unable to get their minds around the fact that adopted children can also be their grandkids. But it may be they want grandkids who are part of both of you. However I haven't heard yet of any medical break throughs of sperm created for trans persons to be able to impregnate their partner. This is the same as a hetero couple who for some reasons are unable to conceive and must adopt. So that also is not a big deal. Also, I knew a couple like this and they decided together which male friend they wanted sperm from and asked that male to provide the sperm to create a babe for you to carry. These thoughts can be conveyed to the parents later, not now as you do not yet know if you stay together for ever or for a while. The only thing I can think of that makes your situation a possible issue for yourself, is if being straight, you want penis and a medically constructed one just is not enough for you. If not sexually active yet, you will discover if you are okay with this or not in a short while. And I think that is the point at which you need to make a decision to split. Right now, enjoy the love you both have. I have no clue what to tell others. Everyone will have their own opinion, even family and close friends. You will get that over your lifetime from them, over many different things, ranging from small things to big things in your life. Its not their decision to make. Only you can make that.
However, I do know how to avoid verbal fights. If anyone brings up the subject hoping to convince you otherwise, it is best to not get drawn in to a debate or argument on it. The way you do that is to only speak once at the beginning telling them you will not talk about this. Then whatever they say, simply do not respond. If you do not speak, there is nothing to fuel their fire. Its no fun for a person to have a one sided argument. If you have ever watched video clips of 'Kaarens and Kevins' having outrageous verbal fights with people, you will see that it always becomes more heated and drags on if you choose to verbally respond. If a persons safety or that of their property is threatened by the 'K's' then call of course calling police is best. I often see the accused trying to get in a last word after it seems the Karen or Kevin is already turned around and leaving but they stop every time they hear a response from the one they are harrassing. So, like a Karen or Kevin, What your friends and family say may be outlandish, no where near the truth, or racist or what ever but you know what the truth is, so their words should not matter. It is not your job to change their minds or enlighten them.

[view]

I am a 24 year old woman. He’s 27. 3 months ago, I rekindled a situationship I had with this guy because I felt like I might have been too hard on him. The reason I left him the first time was because he made me feel violated. We had already been having sex just moments before it happened. He wanted to keep going when I didn’t. I actually had to push his head away. When he realized I was frozen, he was very apologetic and just saw his way out. But, after more thought I decided to give him another chance. Everything has been great for the past 3 months. We went on many frequent lovely romantic adventurous dates and we spent a lot of quality time alone together, over the phone, and with friends. We have had quite a few emotional conversations about my past with prostitution and emotional abuse in my family and one of my relationships (the most recent one, which ended one week before this rekindling) and short term homelessness and he’s cried with me and accepted me for me and kissed my back and comforted me. He has slept over my apartment multiple times and been late for work almost each time. No matter how much he tries lol. He expressed feelings for me. We have known each other for about a year now and i was starting to see a future with this man. Until last week….

He told me he had a cut on the head of his penis. I told him I was uncomfortable with the idea of sex and he immediately had a rebuttal. He said it’s fine. We can just wear condoms. He always had a way of getting me in the mood and having his way with me. I also developed feelings for him so I wanted to please. He has told me many times he has feelings for me too. So, we ended up having sex maybe twice with a condom. (We normally didn’t wear them, we were sexually exclusive) The last time, he took the condom off midstroke. He announced it, and I didn’t want to stop so I let him get away with it, but…. now I have HERPES. I went to the emergency room on Sunday because I was in so much pain. I got misdiagnosed. I had to pay for a different doctor on an app Monday. But I needed a live person so I went to planned parenthood on Tuesday, wore diapers and everything. Bleeding, in pain, burning, itching. It turns out that he used to get cold sores as a kid, and even more recently has had other symptoms, but never thought to investigate or get himself tested. Or bring any of this up to me! and he’s making it seem like he’s just dumb. But he’s not; he’s actually very smart and a major nerd. I think he’s lying to me about not knowing. He’s quick to Google things and investigate random dumb things so, there’s no doubt in my mind he’s lying. I’m so hurt. I’m in pain. I’m beating myself up for not asking him for test results when I showed him mine, and for allowing him to constantly take advantage of me. He has constantly crossed my boundaries this whole time.
I left him. We are waiting for his test results as of today. I plan on blocking his number as soon as I see his results just to be 100% sure. I don’t have my own test results back yet. The nurse at planned parenthood told me it was “textbook” herpes… I am also in therapy, with a great therapist. I cry to her every week. What do you think about all of this? I don’t think I have a question I guess I just want someone other than my poor therapist to comfort me. My brother is the only other person besides my ex and therapist that knows, but he doesn’t really know what to do for me. And he just makes me feel dirty because he’s been making it a joke, he makes it a point to not share any food with me when I visit my moms house. I feel so stupid. What are your observations?

I thought I would add; I am no longer having sex at all. I’m celibate until I’m in a committed loving healthy relationship for at least a year. Thank you to everyone in advance for taking the time to read this and comfort me.

After almost 30 yrs marriage, left husband and got divorced. When I was ready to start dating, I made sure to get a herpes testing which I discovered is not included in a screening for sexual diseases because as I was told, so many people already have it. Then I got the call that it was positive and yet I'd never had an outbreak in my life...this was HPV2, genital herpes. About a year later, I had my first outbreak. Since then, I have learned alot I did not know before regarding herpes. Here is a site that covers some of that stuff.

https://www.herpesprotips.com/what-percentage-of-the-us-has-herpes/

I do know that my Mom had cold sores that came and went regularly and know now that it was oral herpes. She never had a boyfriend or sex with anyone because she lived in wartime Germany with most males in the war. She met Dad by mail, like todays dating sites on line, and was married 5 mos. before turning 18. I never heard if the parents had genital herpes. I do know my ex got cold sores, tiny ones on inside of his lips, and so does my new husband. When i discovered I had it and knew for sure when I had first outbreak, I put that in my dating profile to give men the choice of whether they would want to avoid me. I heard from a guy who said he is a carrier too but has not had but a few breakouts his whole life and considered this a non issue. Dated him 6 months before meeting my 2nd husband who told me he got mouth sores inside his mouth every once in a while. The estimates in all hits on line are just that, guesses. They can only tell for sure who does have it who were tested for it. Knowing how easy it is to pass on, the guesses for how many actually have it but don't know it, may be quite a lot larger than the estimates given. When I told my two sisters, I found out they both had it as well. The scary thing is that HSV1, the oral herpes can be transfered to the genitals. Since mouth sores are usually not as bad as the HSV2, when they appeared on me, they were one small spot that broke out and the skin breaks open. Just one little spot is so very painful down there. But I have high pain tolerance so I have never taken any meds for it although the nurses said if it got bad that there was something I could be prescribed to deal with it. My husband and I have been together now 13 years, have sex often enough that if we were to pass on herpes, like my HSV2 to his genitals, or his oral ones to my genitals, that would have happened by now. The thing is, we are that aware of the slightest changes in our bodies. So if he feels a mouth sore starting, we won't kiss and he won't go down on me until it is healed. I will have a sensation like an abrasion, roughing up the skin although its not happening. But that feeling is there when the virus has traveled up the root of the nerve in the area where it was first deposited. It sits invisible on the skin, so with no pain and no outbreaks, a person will have sex. Not me, I know thats the time it can be passed on and I tell my hubby. He is glad to wait until I am healed and I have him look to see if it is totally gone before we do anything. It doesn't happen often so its maybe 3 times a year. I don't feel this changed my sex life at all. I not only found a boyfriend who had it and didn't mind a relationship with me and found my husband who also doesn't mind and we have sex often enough. Another fact about herpes is that if a carrier but no outbreaks yet, it is very easy to have an outbreak if going through a stressful time or something depressing. These emotions will usually cause ones body to no longer be able to resist the virus buried deep at the end of nerves. I had the biggest change of leaving husband who was abusive whole marriage but that didn't make me have it, getting a divorce, meeting one guy who seemed okay but ended up breaking up cause of the stress and mistreatment from him, are the biggest stress factors in my life so I could have been. Now you know that a large amount of people have herpes and live with it. The problem is those who won't get tested and assume they are not carriers and can't pass anything on because they never had an outbreak. The crazy thing is, this is why so many have it. US alone knows there are 50% of adults who have HSV1, the oral kind and probably thinks its just cold sores. No one having an outbreak would have sex because its too painful, even if they didn't care if they passed it on. So you can't know who you got it from. Yes, your boyfriend may have it but until tested, there's no way to know for sure. But you also could have contracted the virus from someone else who is a carrier or has it and didn't have an outbreak at the time of sexual contact with you.

I have a feeling that there was dissatisfaction with him already before you got herpes. So if he had cold sores before, as a child, I don't know why he wouldn't get them as an adult. Both my mother (deceased) and my current husband had and have them as an adult. Never heard of it being only when younger and disappearing as an adult. So something must have made the conditions right such as you being in stress over something, maybe even the boyfriend. Yes, it certainly sounds suspicious that he had cold sores, and for all you know, may still get them but if in the mouth, you wouldn't know. He could still kiss with them because its not as painful. THe mouth is kept moist with saliva and not open to the air so that helps.
The pain comes with the skin missing over the breakout and the nerve endings reacting in pain with anything, especially clothes touching the area. This I imagine would be what burn victims feel when their skin has been burnt off, but only us feeling a tiny fraction of the pain they have.

There are dating sites on line for all sorts of situations, including ones for people living with herpes. Or you can reveal you have herpes on a dating site for regular people. Or go the old fashioned way and try to meet someone by just bumping into them somewhere in your daily routine. Although that may happen to some, herpes or not, dating this way can take a very very long time and you still may not meet someone exactly what you want. I don't know how many guys may have skipped me over after reading about my herpes, but I never wanted a bunch of guys, just one who truly loved me. On line dating, other than the swipe and like style, is a good way to learn a little of what to expect from the guy. What contradictions if any from his bio to his contact letter, whether most of what he says he wants is actually a list of what he does not want, which may indicate a negative outlook in life, and many more such things you can learn. Then just a meet up at a coffee shop can determine if there is any romantic and sexual chemistry just from sitting and talking with them, by how you feel near them and how he feels being with you. I met many who sounded great on line but in person couldn't hide some stuff i did not want in a partner. I am sharing all this so you can feel reassured that your sex life is not over. Yes, a person can go their whole life as a carrier and never have a breakout. Maybe they are very chill people who never get stressed. But just relax, and switch your thinking from how awful this is, to learning what you can, studying all the stats on herpes and being able to share that with someone who may be interested in you. Good luck dear.

[view]

I’ve been dating the sweetest most amazing guy ever for about a year and I am so in love with him. But the more I get to know his family the more I realize that they are taking complete advantage of his kindness and it’s becoming a problem in his life.

He works hard already in a demanding job and he is supporting both his sisters in one way or another, whether with money or medical issues, or other things. It’s like he is the parent. Although both his parents are still in the picture too, it’s not like he had to step up because there is no one. One of his sisters is a full fledged adult about to turn 30 and she doesn’t even drive or have a job. She expects him to pay for her whenever and always wants to go to the most expensive places and he often will make it happen.

Neither of us are pretentious or care about fancy things but his sisters are. He is constantly doing everything for them and it’s stressful for him as he has admitted himself but he says it’s family so he can’t say no.

I want to be supportive because of course family is important, and it’s not like I don’t like his family. But often they are not even appreciative of everything he does, it’s just expected. And he often breaks down saying the weight of the world is on his shoulders but I cannot push him to set up boundaries because I feel like it’s just not my place. I am being supportive listening to him how hard it is but I’m reaching my limit on not pointing out that he is letting this situation be his downfall. He needs to be more selfish but it’s just not in his nature. It wouldn’t be an issue if he was fine and not stressed and able to handle it but I see how badly this all is affecting him and it’s making me mad.

I don’t really know what my question is, it’s a delicate issue. I guess does anyone have any advice on how to handle this type of situation? I don’t want to upset him by saying anything about his family but I don’t know if it’s right to keep letting this go on while it’s clearly hurting him. He’s had multiple breakdowns and he is not doing well emotionally with all the stress.

Thanks for reading.

It's family so I can't say no. Where did that belief come from? Of course a person can say no. It really depends on what the situation is. Lets say a sister is a criminal and asking him to help her drive the get away car. Would he do it, knowing what she is about to do? Would he feel compelled to aid and abet a criminal, knowing if caught, he'll also get an arrest record, but he had to do it because she is family? Seems pretty silly now doesn't it. Believe me, family members who are not living responsible lives will take advantage of any family member they feel is weak enough, not strong enough to stand their ground. And believe me, it hurts whether its silently turning the cheek and not defending yourself and getting duped into having an argument, or maybe they want something from that family member but have never given anything to that person, they are not responsible adults. A person has the choices to either be irresponsible like a family member or to be the opposite. His sisters have the same choices and so far it looks like their choices. Its one thing if a working sister who pays all her own bills had an unexpected thing come up, like having to replace a windshield, falling and twisting an ankle. Yes of course, now its a family member in true need of your help. The help your boyfriend gives now, only helps them stay stuck where they aren't growing in experience, unable or unwilling to be adults. Being an adult is about problem solving. I know that my hubby and I have had many things come up and we have to find a way to make things work. So if the sister who doesn't drive, has to take the bus or join a car pool to get to work, then that is what she does, or she gets her license and gets a car, thats what grownups have to do.
Now what was said about a man feeling emasculated, yes, you jumping in to help in whatever way youre thinking of, is true. When women want to tell a guy their problems, they only want someone to listen because its a complicated situation or they wouldn't be doing this 'thinking it through aloud' and speaking until the answer comes to you. But when men hear it, they also assume you must have meant to ask for help, not a listening ear. It could be your boyfriend wants a listening ear but is not asking for help. He may not feel there is any help needed so he is not asking. About all you can do is the next time you hear him say, "they're family so I have to help". Ask him if he can explain why he has to help. Ask if he sees any situation in which he should not help out certain family members and if it depends on what kind of help is needed. I know these are tough times and often family can be tight financially, but then again, some times a person can end up on the bottom, even homeless and have to work their way back up. You should be able to let him know that your concern is not only for him but also yourself. That it hurts you to see him so tormented emotionally from all that he is doing for them. I know what I am talking about as I have gone through similar stuff with family...yeah family who is supposed to love you and support you. The support he is giving them is more like helping them stay stuck in a ditch. When I realized I was helping certain family members stay stuck, as they had to wish to change for the better, I had to stop doing what I was doing. It is hard. The hardest thing may be any choice you make for your own peace of mind. If something is bothering you about this, then you have to stay away from it. That means not seeing this man you love so much. He needs to know that you are not giving him an ultimatum, you are simply looking out for yourself, something you wish he was doing more of himself and since you believe something totally different than what he would say is going on between him and his family. I have had to do something like this, not speaking with anger, just letting my honey know that his being so uninterested in maintaining his health, has me worry so much that on days I worry the most, my blood pressure goes up and I already take medicine for that. In looking after myself first, since no one else will because no one else is really supposed to in the first place . . . I said I love him so dearly that it is tearing me up inside to think I could lose him due to his neglect of taking better care of his health. I realized this for sure when he ended up in hosp with appendicitus. That is thankfully not a death sentence these days but even so, my blood pressure shot dangerously high due to the stress and worry. I told him that if the time came when my bp would not come down, then I would have to leave just for my own health even though I would hate to be put in such a situation as having to leave him to preserve myself. I wasn't asking him to change, only to understand that what he was doing now or more to the point "not doing", was something that I would in time have to distance my self from by not being around him. That got through to him and I am seeing some changes in him. He asked to be given a second chance which he has because I don't want to be put in a situation where I want both him and want good health for myself but I can only have one, like having him but I get depressed and maybe die so now I don't have him anyways, or seeking to preserve myself from stress of the situation by leaving while inside, my heart is tearing into pieces. Please know that it is not you that keeps letting this stuff go on, your boyfriend is allowing it to occur. Not you. You are just standing near by watching the whole thing play out. While his family has problems, maybe even emotional problems, those problems do not affect other people because his family is not approaching others for help, only him. If a sister was mentally disabled, it still is not for him to be her financial support. What if she had been a single child with no siblings? Who would help her then? Well, the same agencys that can help now. Disabilities were not mentioned, so as far as I know, the one sister sounds like a very lazy person. Now that I think of it, that whole family could benefit from some counselling on how to be whole and healthy and happy and productive. But if no one has asked what you think about it, or asking you to help, then you can not. I know, its hard to not say anything. I have three grown adult children who at times I see are in dire need of some good advice, but all I can do is ask, "I have something to share that might be of help to you. Is it okay for me to tell it?" And I have always been turned down. So I could not warn them to not take a certain step, all I could do was worry and pray. But I can worry so much that I can't focus on praying. Yes, I know how awful it is to be witnessing this stuff, worried about him and not able to do a thing about it other than pray. I wish you the best and that your BF will see the light and end this dangerous cycle himself.


[view]


I am 29 years old and a diagnosed autistic. Throughout most of my life, I had absolutely ZERO friends. Almost all of my attempts at friendship were very one-sided (me making all the effort and them not showing they care on any level) and it has taken a toll on me. When I moved to NYC, I became best friends with this girl, but eventually she became very mean and toxic and I had to end things. It made me really sad, because she was the only friend I ever had. But I had to set boundaries.

So that leaves me back to having barely any friends again. There are a couple women I've encountered who seem really awesome and I'd love to become closer with. But I don't know how to advance these relationships because I don't have the opportunity to see them often.
The first girl is someone I met through a mutual buddy at a party. She seemed very warm, generous and open. We are from the same hometown, so we had much to talk about. And she actually asked me for my phone number at the end of the party, so I guess I made a good impression. A few weeks later, I invited her and the mutual buddy to the movies and we had a great time together. But 5 days ago, I sent her a text asking her if she is ever free on Tuesday nights because there is this event that my buddy and I like to go to sometimes. She never responded.

The second girl is someone who I am working with right now in a show that I am rehearsing for. (I am a professional actress) We discovered that she and I actually had the same voice teacher for many years and that seemed to open up a lot of delightful conversation. We ended up taking a car together after rehearsal the other day. She seems like an incredibly cool person, and I will see her nearly every day for the next couple weeks. But she has limited free time due to her day job, and after this show is over, I don't know how I could pursue a friendship with her without making her feel like I am making demands on her time.

Is there anything I can do to advance these acquaintanceships into friendships? I feel like I'm really at a loss of what to do because I'd really like to spend more time with these people, but I don't want to seem pushy/needy or like I want more from them than they are able and willing to give.

You sound like a very considerate person, another trait that is good to have in a friend. Since I am not autistic, I wouldn't know what challenges there may be in making and keeping friends. My experience was lack of friends due to shyness and social anxiety as a young person and I do share what I have learned but I can tell you do not struggle with shyness, from what I see when I read your post. My guess is that if you post this same thing in an online support group for autistic people, you may get more helpful information there. The good thing is that this gal in acting is seeing a lot of you in a venue that both of you are participating in and that is helpful in a person getting used to you, knowing you a little, as opposed to not feeling comfortable with a stranger. If you have no trouble starting off a conversation, then do so with her. Just remember to avoid closed-ended questions, which are ones that can only be answered in yes or no. So instead of asking "do you have any sisters?" which can be answered with a yes or no, you ask, "How many siblings do you have" and either her answer is none, I'm an only child or she gives a number. You want to listen carefully to answers and look for something said that you can use for the next question. SO if she says, no siblings. Then a question of "So how did you feel about that?" This means you'll have to stop and think how to pose your question cus sometimes I think I have it and yet when I pretend to answer my own question in practice, I realize that sometimes even my idea was actually another close ended question. These clues have nothing to do with being autistic, just how to start and keep a conversation going. If you really want to know if she is going to be too busy to spend time with a friend, try starting a conversation with her asking her to describe her job. When she has answered, again look for something in her answer to make your next comment or question about. So no matter what she said about her job, you can ask if she likes it, thats an appropriate yes or no question. Or comment that she must feel exhausted. And remember that you can only seem pushy or needy if she is going to be the only friend you have so to avoid trying to get one person to fulfill all your friendship needs, make some more friends. I never wanted tons of friends, just a handful which is what I had in school and same now, but none of them are from school as we have grown and changed too much to have much in common any more. Hope this helps a little. Try the online support group.

[view]

This is about my boyfriend Cameron who is a good person but keeps annoying me. He said he understands I do not want to have sex and he said he will be a virgin with me and not put any pressure on me to have sex. He says the right things but his body is saying something different. Every time we are together he is having constant erections and trying to hide it. It is embarrassing like he is a sex maniac. I do not even have to touch or kiss him for it to happen but even if I just hold his hand or hug him. He gets one every time we cuddle and I have to tell him not to touch himself and he gets mad and says he just adjusting to hide it better. Even when he tries to hide it I can now tell when it is happening because he gets squirmy and nervous. He is at least honest and apologizes about it if I ask him. I do not know what he is thinking because I have been very very clear sex is not going to happen for a long time even if he is a good boyfriend. He says he understands but cannot control getting hard and wanting sex but that sounds questionable to me. I told him a boy only gets an erection if he is planning to have sex and hoping the girl will give in. He at least has sex on his brain and he needs to calm down. He says the more we talk about it the more he gets erections like it is my fault. We do have fights on this and he gets very upset and I feel bad because I think he is trying and he does not try things unless I say we can kiss or cuddle. Why can he not just chill and accept that sex is not going to happen? He is cute and has a nice body. He looks very hot without a shirt even though he does not do sports except just exercise in his garage. I tell him he should be on insta doing hot pics. I do like kissing him and cuddling and having him take off his shirt for me when we have privacy. He says he likes it when I tell him to do that and it makes him feel sexy about himself. I am obviously attracted to him and I do think about doing more. The difference is I control myself a lot better than he does. How do I make him understand sex is not going to happen so he needs to quit getting his erections expecting it?

You said, " I told him a boy only gets an erection if he is planning to have sex ..." I wonder where you heard that? As you've read from lalalaflower, there are many times a young man can get erections and there does not need to be a female near by for that to happen. I don't know if your school does not have sex ed. classes. I did have those and remember them being the bare minimum of what a person should know. You can learn a lot more by checking out a book on the topic, male and female sex organs and anatomy. You could learn more if you studied really diligently rather than listen to what your peers may say. And if that never happened with the peers, then perhaps you've misunderstood something mentioned about males and erections. So I may as well share info now that will help also when you are a senior citizen. Young men can have erections often as said without even thinking about a female. However once a male gets older, that slows down but doesn't stop. If he is not sexually active though, the ability to get an erection can disappear altogether. It's like that phrase, Use it, or lose it. Now as senior citizens, we can see that cialis and viagra are very much needed for most males who now have difficulty getting erections. This does not mean a male does not feel anything. He can be hornier than heck and only plump up a little. You will want to study this too when you get close to 50 or so. Its not over until he's dead. So anytime before that, no matter the age, a male will hope to have erections and orgasms. The release in orgasms is helpful to making his prostrate feel better. If you haven't figured it out yet, I agree with what lalalaflower said.

[view]

So something really strange happened to me recently and my relationship with my new girlfriend has taken a weird turn. We both feel we are too young for sex even though we think about it and even talk about it sometimes just because it is fun to think about each other that way. It amazes me what we talk about late at night on the phone together. We text too but true voice is best. We are definitely bolder and more open with what we say to each other than when we are in person.
So a weird thing happened on a movie date where I bought a condom from a machine in the bathroom to show her as a joke and she thought it was funny and during the movie she said she wanted to see it. So I handed her the package. She looked at me all sexy, and whispered she wanted to see it on me. My will power totally sucked and I gave in and very slowly took out my boner which she had never seen. She made me feel studly with a smile like she approved. I put the condom on which she whispered looked cute. Without asking she reached down and stroked me slow like 4 times. I thought I was going to cum from just that but just gave out like a stifled moan and she stopped and laughed and I put myself away extremely fast. I was so red faced but we both kept laughing and actually had to leave because we were annoying other people.
So now all the time she imitates my little moan and the face I supposedly made and every time she does it we laugh like maniacs. I will grab random things and say hey I am just going grab this now to sort of make fun of her just grabbing my boner. She gets red and laughs at herself too for being like radical bold. It was like a weird little adventure and an inside joke. We have been good since then (only kissing, holding hands, hugging, and cuddling with all clothes on), but we talk about what happened a lot.
So I know it is not chaste and we should not have done it and maybe we should not be re-living it so much when we talk. We feel guilty about it some but I also feel like it was this wonderful exciting thing between us more than just horniness. It was experimenting but not like going anywhere with it. Is it wrong I don’t actually regret it? It has given us even more to talk about late at night and we are way less shy complimenting each other on our appearance and bodies and sex appeal. She has been so cool making me feel awesome about my manhood making like over the top positive comments about my boner and she can tell I am like feeling all cocky from it which she says is cute.
So we want to try more without going too far but we also admit to each other we are scared because it seems like our will power sort of sucks given the right opportunity. I can see how things can get out of control fast. It still blows our mind. And now it is like we are even more hot for each other. It sounds dumb but do you think we need chaperones? Obviously no more condom fashion shows. But on a legit deal we would like advice on how to stay pure as we can without losing the spark of hotness for each other. Do you think we will ever chill out from our weird little moment?

You both are lucky to have each other. What I gather from your stories, is that the two of you are best of friends and have total trust in each other. This kind of friendship of closeness and trust is not very common. Even less common is finding such a close and trustful best friend who not only has this chemistry for making the best friendship but has that added chemistry for romance and desire as well. And that is what is needed for a healthy happy relationship.

So I see why it has been so comfortable for you both to explore your sexuality and support each other doing that. And thank heavens you feel you don't regret it. Regret can eat at you like a cancer and make you fail to live and thrive. I knew a woman my age at church, young and married at the time. She was so guilty still of being sexually active in HS already with the man who was her husband. The regret ate at her until she was constantly deep yellow skinned, and shriveled up like an old person or a person with cancer. She had no energy, barely even for a smile, sick often, eyes vacant often like she was there but not there. So good for you. I hope she also has no regrets. In our teens and college years, we learn from several relationships over time, what things we like and don't like in a partner. The only way we can learn is from trying something, doing something. So you both are helping each other explore in ways that still keep both of you safe.

You already know what it feels like to be even hotter for each other as you said. Adults today can look back and remember how it was for them too at that age and they know how hard it is to resist the last part of sex, intercourse or to make it plain: penis in vagina sex. And that is why many events for youth have chaperones. So a chaperon can be any human out in a social setting who would see you having sex. So its better to double date, or go to places where there are lots of people.

[view]

Severe pain after fingering m facing pain n my lower stomach how can I treat it

My goodness....not what I thought from the title. Until I opened this and read, I thought perhaps the pain was in your finger from working so hard in which case those finger muscles just need to get stronger.

Since I don't know your sex, I am going to assume you are female as most males would say masturbating instead of fingering.

So for a female, she will be more horny just before her period then at other times. It is usually times like this where a female might finger herself or use sex toys or if old enough and has a boyfriend-then having sex.

I have never heard of a female having pain in stomach anywhere just from fingering, even fingering with an orgasm. This must be a coincidence that you felt pain right after. The only random pain you could feel is period cramps. Some get these before the period starts. So if you being horny was what prompted the fingering, then this could be an explanation and would be a normal pain, nothing wrong.

If you have pain without a period starting and its been a day or two, and the pain is either constant or comes and goes, it is time to see your Dr. This has nothing to do with sex and the pain would be something not normal, perhaps harmful in the long term. So if this is the case, see the Dr. Tell Mom that you have a pain that won't go away so she can make an appointment. Again, you don't have to say it started when you fingered yourself. You can share the day and time of day it started so they know how long its been, and that's all that's necessary.

If by chance, you're a male, perhaps you strained a muscle. If it not gone away and you've had it for 24 hrs or more, go see your Dr.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker