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humorist-workshop
Heartbroken
Hello, i need some advice :(
I was talking to this guy back in august of this year. He is 36 im 30. Everything was going good until i felt like something was going on. He used to hang out talk but then we started losing connection. He said i was the problem, that i never went to his house at least to chill with him or cook or clean. He said he wanted to have something serious with me but he thinks we are on different levels. So he cut me off. 3 days after i see him with another girl at the club. That hurted me so bad! 2 months ago he texted me and told me to go to his house.. me like an idiot went. We had sex we chilled and then the next day he brought me home. (Mind you when we were talking at the beginning thats all we used to do) on saturday he wanted me to go to his house & i said no because i had my period.. he said soo its not all about sex . I ignored him. The next day i texted him saying i had REALLY BAD CRAMPS AND THAG I DIDNT FELT GOOD! Well guess what? He left me on SEEN. Wow he didn’t even tell me “do you need anything “ so a couple of hours after he's at the club and he recorder the table he was sitting at and i saw a woman purse next to him.
😞 i just don’t understand how he text me and then be with someone else.. im VERY CONFUSE !! I don’t wanna fall back into his game when he text me !! Please i need some answers some advice. My heart is already BROKEN!!!!! 🥺🥺😭😭😭😭
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Women's intuition is like a radar and it works well so if you felt there was something going on under the surface with him that you couldn't see, it was probably right. Don't let your feelings lead you astray as is now happening when he goes out with other girls but you want to be exclusive with him. I'll start with you saying he said you never go to his house to chill or cook or clean. I am wondering if you meant that he just wanted to do things together even if just chores because if he wanted you to do all the cooking and all his cleaning on your own, then the man is looking for a mommy substitute, but one he can have sex with as well. Its not a good sign if he wants you to be his maid. I had that with my ex and I stayed 30 years and after 3 kids grew up. On top of that, he verbally abused me too. So on to the next, with him saying he wanted something serious with you. If a guy is serious about you, he wouldn't even be thinking about spending time with another girl. If he thought he found the one and only woman for him, his attention would not be divided but all on you. Perhaps he feels you are young and inexperienced enough to not see what is going on or not even have a clue that something here is not normal. If he truly said he was serious about you, maybe you need to ask if he is seriously looking for a wife or another female to add to his little black book of a list of girls for bootie calls. I am guessing its for bootie calls. He breaks it off when there was never any kind of agreement etween you. I mean that both of you share off the bat at the beginning what you are looking for. Some guys just want bootie calls, some a friend with benefits, others a long term girlfriend he can be exclusive with, or he doesn't want to be exclusive, just get together whenever he has the itch to do so, or he is a man seriously looking for a woman to be his wife. This list applies to you as well. Did you ever tell him what you want, like saying, "hey, I want you to know that I am looking to be in an exclusive dating relationship that will end in marriage?" Whatever it is you want, its important to state it. Yeah, it may drive some guys away, but don't worry, those guys aren't the one worth giving yourself to. It works great to weed out the rotten apples as far as guys go. If you are serious about finding Mr. Right, you will first need to examine yourself closely. It's like looking at yourself like an HR person would if hiring for a position. You have to know how to tell another person what your strengths and weaknesses are. You need to be able to decide what you need and what you want in a guy so you can compare him against these qualities which are best written down somewhere so you can keep looking at it and refreshing or adding or changing any. I have a document I can send if you wish that explains the difference between needs and wants and all the details you will need to be equipped to search for the right guy. At this point I am guessing that you both want different things and he has failed to be clear with you and honest about it. Believe me when I say that if a man was only looking for a woman for sex, that there are women who would jump at that chance because that is what they want too. Usually, they are women who have already been married and no longer want to find another guy for marriage, they just want a sometimes male companion to do stuff with, including sex, so if he were honest, he could get what he wanted. If you want the document on finding Mr. Right, let me know by clicking on 'Browse Advice Columnists' and searching for Dragonflymagic, thats me and writing back to me. That way it comes only to me and not to the general group who might be confused with what you write if its for me only. In the meanwhile, I have a shorter list with a short test to determine if he loves you. I will add that now.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesnt deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.
1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wants and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women tranlate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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