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humorist-workshop
Me again..
Hello..
i'v messaged you before about a certain problem i was facing in the previous months, i would really need an advice for the updated events..
In the end she made abortion and we continued our lives, after some time for i don't know what reason he decided to end things with me and he went back to her, then after some time he came back to me again, and i took him back AGAIN..
This situation was happening continually and i was taking him back every time, except the last time which lasted almost a month.
The difference is that she was there temporarily as he wasn't promising her anything and actually she knew and he was telling her that his heart belongs to me, i don't know what he's going through with his life his choices, this is all disgusting but at the same time i want to help him.
Anyway.. now we are together almost a month, he looks happy maybe i am too. I want things the way they used to be.
But now i have that fear again where he might go back to her, i still didn't forgive him but not every relationship has the same nature.
I just want you to at least give me an idea what's going on in his head. I know me going back to him is so wrong and im just making my self value going down every time i'm going back to him, but i feel weak and vulnerable .
Anything will help me ..
Thanks in advance.
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Didn't see this until coming back from vacation so I couldn't reply sooner. Wow, I wish I were a mind reader cus if I were, I'd know exactly what thoughts are going through his head. I have a feeling that both of you have difficulty with having meaningful revealing conversation. This sounds like pushing buttons and randomly punching all sorts of them hoping that some day you both will punch in the right sequence and get it but that to me is uncertain like gambling or very hard to do like finding a needle in a haystack.
I can only guess at what is going on. The least likely is that he may be polyamorous and not know it, or if he does is afraid to bring it up. The term covers relationships of all kinds where a person has more than one person they are emotionally invested in and for many its not only an emotional connection but there is the sexual connection as well. It takes what a person might with difficulty handle in a one on one relationship and multiplies all of it, the good, the bad and the ugly so it is a real stretch for people to grow. As I said this is unlikely. I know most people will want to be the only one important to their partner.
The other possible explanation is that he has strong feelings for both of you and just can't narrow down his choice because there are things about both of you he likes/loves.
Then there is a possibility he is not a one-woman man so he goes from one monogamous relationship until he has had enough of one female and moves on to the next. Although in his case, I doubt it since he isn't into a new person each time but jumping back and forth with both of you.
Finally, it could be he's just a rotten apple so to speak. He may have no desire for any in depth relationship with one woman at all and he could be a player, playing with the emotions of both of you.
I have to add that men are the way they are because males are fewer than females and when females accept a man whose does things that hurt or can destroy a relationship, a woman takes him back. Woman act so desperate to have a man that men don't have to stand up to any kind of loyalty, and all the rest of good traits. They can be as mean, nasty and hurtful as is possible and still some woman will snatch him up and take him back over and over. I know it can be lonely waiting for the right one to come along. Also, men with good looks don't have to treat a woman right to get her in his life. They fall at his feet, excited he has shown her attention. In comparison, if a guy isn't the hottest, handsome man out there, he doesn't have looks to lure in a woman, so often you will find men in this category who have studied and learned how to treat a woman right and how to love her unconditionally but there are no women throwing themselves at him.
Some people fall in love with the idea of who they want that life partner to be. And since you can not be in love with an idea, and if that person doesn't live up to that ideal, then marriage /or long term, life long relationship is not meant to be.
I don't know if it will help but I have a list of questions for you to answer, not for me but the results will give you an idea of where you stand, as in does he love you or not. Here it is.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
I believe in relationships, there are two kinds of chemistry, the first one being what pulls two people together to be best of friends. Many couples have a partner who treats them as a best friend but thats not enough in a romantic relationship. You both need to have the sexual, love chemistry as well. Then combined with the friend who would never do anything to hurt their love, a person will remain faithful and sticking by their partners side, not leaving whenever, not lacking ability to make a commitment.
Have some true revealing talks if he will truthfully do that with you. Find out if he has a problem with commitment. Did he witness something growing up, parents or others he knew who got divorced, or guys who made the women he chose for sex, not really a relationship, way more than icecreams 31 flavors. this is the best I can offer and the final decision is still up to you.
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