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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Should i just go about my life and not worry about them? Should i like just not worry about it and how do i go about it

If you messaged them in error, no biggie. If you happen to see them, then tell them you clicked on their name in error and tell them you are sorry to have bothered them. That's it, nothing else to worry about. I believe you may be overthinking this. If you don't see them, and the teammate is not really a friend of yours, no need to go tracking them down to explain it was a mistake. If they are curious and wondering, they can track you down and ask and you explain it was an error.

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For insight, our age are 24 and 26 and we both work full time so money isn't an issue. We've only been together about a month and a half, which is the majority of the problem, but he really wants me to move in with him. He has a 3/3 apartment and his two roommates just moved out a few months back leaving just him and his cat. I have a 4/4 with 3 roommates, but where I live they rent out by room so I could just sublease out my room and bathroom. I would be paying the same amount of rent if I were to move in with him that I do here, but I would have a much bigger space in a safer area and not have to worry about unfamiliar roommates moving in and out.


He said I could have my own room for my things and space and we would just sleep in either my room or his, which is nice. He's also mentioned of course it would be good for us financially since I would be paying part of his rent and lessening his bills, but keeping mine the same with a much nicer living area.

He's said I could have my friends or family over and they could sleep in the 3rd bedroom when they visit, which is a big plus for me. He also said I could redecorate however I want, which I love. Of course I also like the idea of us being able to spend more time together.

In general, I really like him, it's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in and we've yet to even argue about anything. He makes me incredibly happy and I see my future with him, but it just seems so soon. We talked about me keeping my place for a month while we try it out so that I don't feel like I don't have a place to return if I want to.


I still worry though because right now I'm at a fork in the road with a few things. During summer vacation I've been working two jobs, but now my classes start back up on the 20th. My issue is I like and make more money at my second job, but that's the job my boyfriend wants me to quit because I work 6/7 nights a week including weekends which he hates because he only has weekends off and wants to spend time with me then instead of squeezing in time together during the day on the weekends and one evening a week. I can support myself off either, but I'd rather quit my day job and find one to replace it before leaving my night job. Right now though I still have no idea what I'm doing with my job situation or which job I'll leave when classes resume, which causes it's own stress.

I worry about what our friends and family will think. I worry about what's going to happen when I get my monthly and want to be alone or get crabby. I worry about him not liking me as much when we're together every night. I worry about him getting bored of me. I worry about what happens when I want to eat/do one thing and he something else. I've always been very independent and like to do my own thing. I worry about what might happen if we get along the first month, I sublease out my apartment, and then say 3 months later if we break up where I'm going to go?


However, these may also be nonsense worries since none of them have been an issue thus far. It could be very beneficial to both of us to move in together if I ignore my worries and really solidify our relationship, but I feel like there's unspoken rules about doing that and one of them is usually not to move in with somebody early on.




A month and half is not enough for most people because they go out to movies or a noisy restaurant and the dates are infrequent, once a week if that. That is not enough time to really get to know a person. However, there are always exceptions to the rules. Second time around, after a divorce, I was looking for someone permanent to be in my life till I die. I had a list of what I was looking for in a guy, and much thought went into it. By how you wrote, I know you'd be great at making a list and it can help you clarify if he is the one for you. YOu also need to be able to tell him what you are looking for like for example, a guy who wants to marry as soon as he is sure that you are the one for him and a guy who also wants kids if you do. These kinds of things may seem odd and presumptuous to bring up early on but it is the best way to not waste time with a guy who would be a waste of time.
Back to me as an example. We met in online dating site. We did not spend time on line but traded numbers and took it into the real world as soon as we could. He wrote on Sat and I responded. He didn't see my message til Sunday night and wrote back giving his number as well, asking me to call on Monday during the day. From writing on line, he knew I lived and worked in the town he worked in. I was doing care-giving part time afternoon-evening. He was a delivery driver and had the same route, mostly businesses. So when I called, He said he could meet me to talk for his 15 minute break if we could time it for right before I had to start. He was there when I arrived. I greeted him with a hug. We had just the 15 minutes but could tell from being in each others presence that there was chemistry. We talked every night once we got home til midnight. He was busy the following Saturday but invited me to his place on Sunday. He had a teen daughter the age of my youngest daughter. From that Sunday onward, I went there every other day for the next two weeks, no going out dates, just lots of talking. Well, there was more but I had to make the first move to kiss and more. A month later, I was moving in with him. Of course we were older, had previous marriages that didn't work out and we'd learned from them what we really needed and wanted. If you spent a lot of time talking and it all sounds good so far, then the next logical step IS to live together. This is a more in depth way to learn about each other. Things easily hidden, can't be when living together. This now covers stuff like how you act during your period, and how he treats you when he is sick, tired, grumpy, stressed, upset, etc. My ex dumped on me and verbally abused even more at those times. If he can tell you, Hey I need some time to unwind cus i had a bad day and don't want to snap at you...then that is a good thing. And it is something you would not have learned living two separate places. Does he clean up after himself or is he hoping you'd play maid and mommy as well as girlfriend if you live there? You did say there were some good points to it. Maybe its time to talk to your Mom, let her know about this and let her know that since he's the best guy you've met so far, you want to live with him since he has opening where he lives, and this doesn't mean you're a step away from getting engaged, you only need to know if he is still as good a guy once living with him and if it doesn't turn out, you would leave him and probably need a place to stay until the room you sublet comes to an end and you can move back in there. If you knew everything was okay on the parents end with that, then you are free to try living with him.
Now I will share what can help you to confirm he is the right one, lists you create over time and compare any guy with, including him. Here it is:

How to find Mr. Right or Ms Right

I went through this search in my late forties after an almost 30 yr marriage to a man who was never in love with me, verbally abusive and not my sexual match. I was ready to finally find Mr Right and what I believe I heard while praying, is that I had to make several lists and refine them as I went along.

First, how well do you know yourself? I used a dating site 2nd time around. It worked for me to find my true love. However, to fill out a profile for yourself, to really describe yourself, your personality and who you are at core, is hard to do, like writing about your work strengths in a resume. So this is just as important as a resume only more so. You can easily leave a job that doesn't work out. Its much harder with a boyfriend or husband. So its best to be able to describe yourself well for those few you meet who may be promising. This is not just those met online but any you meet in person as you're out and about. They will have something specific they are looking for as well and need to be able to recognize the possibility that you may be the one for them. Or hopefully they will, if not, they may not recognize that you are the one for him and that is too bad for him. You want a guy who sees the real you inside too and will know he wants you, the whole package. You'll need this list or bio on yourself before you can form the list of what you are looking for in a guy.

So, ask yourself what it is in life that lights you up, makes you not just happy but content and feeling fulfilled. Ask yourself what is or are the passions deep inside that push you to seek out certain hobbies, pastimes, certain people with the same?

I'll give you an example. One of the things that make me passionate about certain things in life is that I am a nurturing person deep at core. This nurturing desire needs to be expressed and has been through several different avenues. For one, being a mother and raising my kids, now grandkids, loving planting and tending a garden, and yes, giving advice in an advice column. All of these things require a person driven by nurture, such as my wanting to be of help to you, to see you break free of whatever is holding you back in life or keeping you unhappy.

Once you have defined yourself with some really good descriptive words or scenerios, you will be drawing on this list to make a specific list of criteria of what is most important in a guy.
If you need help with the list of yourself, please just ask me and I will help.

Now, for the list of what you feel is Mr. Right for you.
Actually, there will be two lists. A list of Must Haves, things which if missing are a deal breaker because they are that important to you. Do not let any guy tell you that your criteria is extremely unreasonable. I got that often. It means the guy can't meet your criteria, can't meet your Must Haves and wants you to lower your standard for them and they don't give a crap about who you are and why these are your criteria. A deal breaker would be “I want a guy who wants to have kids” “I want a guy who isn't afraid to commit, settle down and marry” “I want a guy who is open minded spiritually and will allow me to believe whatever I do without trying to convert me to his belief” “I want a guy who never raises his voice to me and is able to calmly talk things out.” “I want a guy who isn't a smoker or recreational drug user”.
I for example am very allergic to cigarette smoke or the lingering odor of it. Guys who smoked met with me pretending at first that they didn't. Sitting across a table at a restaurant first time, I couldn't pick it up but when riding in their car on a later date it was heavy cigarette odor in there. He claimed he didn't smoke but later by habit pulled out a cigarette and felt it was okay to lie to me cus I might fall in love once I got to know him and the cigarette smoke wouldn' t matter. It mattered that strongly to me and pissed off a couple guys real badly but you have to stick with what you want. This helps to eliminate guys with major character faults, such as being inconsistent, liars, cheaters, etc....

Do not worry that this is extreme. In fact it has been found in tests done that men (the good ones worth having) are attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, a woman who will stick by it without making excuses or apologizing for it, not afraid to ask for or state what she wants. This attitude is basically having a strong self confidence and self confidence in a woman is what made these good men choose the confident woman over the model types in looks in a test case study.

The other list is the what you want, like the icing on the cake. It is not a need or requirement but would be nice. This list you don't share with the guy. Its for yourself in case you find several guys who meet all the critieria of your other list, to help you choose from among them.
So here is where you find things like, he likes to go dancing, he is a musician or sings well, he likes gardening, has interest in meditation, has long hair, has a 6 pack. I listed that I wanted a man who was height and weight proportionate. This means maybe there might be some chub but basically they will look reasonably okay without looking like a body builder. These things are not deal breakers to me, but if they are to you, then they're in the wrong list. This list is things you would like to see but if you don't get them, you can live without it, for the rest of your life.

I promise, these lists will help. You'll also refine it or think of things to add as you run across guys or problems that you didn't think needed to be in a list. Then if not using a dating site and posting these out there right in the beginning, at least on a 2nd date if a guy asks you out twice, (means he is reasonably interested in you) tell him you have something important you need to share with him. It's important to you. Then recite your list to him. If afraid you may leave something important off, have copies of your list in your purse to hand out to a guy. If he looks at you like this must be a joke or asks such, keep calm and smile nicely and let him know that you are very serious and have resorted to this measure because simply going out with just random guys in the past and into a relationship resulted in the wrong guy each time. It is okay to give examples if he asks. Make no excuses. If he gets upset or has a problem with any of your criteria, you could ask him why, but you can't rely at this early stage whether he may be telling the truth or not to get you to trust him and lower your standards. It is best to tell him you've decided to not consider him, as if he was an applicant for a job and his resume just isn't enough to get the position of 'boyfriend'. Think of yourself as your own human resources manager, looking for the perfect applicant for the available position of 'boyfriend.' Obviously, you will have to turn away many hopefuls. I even had some guys beg me to choose them by the end of a first time meet up. That killed it. Spoke volumes of them feeling insecure, wimpy as males, and having low self esteem, all of which I wished to avoid.
Hope this helps you. This is a lot said and yet there is so much more detail to share. So ask me if you have questions.

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and didn't even show up, the front desk said she had the day off and probably forgot...wtf....I was thinkin if she calls me, tell her to fuqq off....its not right to inconvenience someone cuz you are a manager....what would u do??

Everyone is entitled to make an err and be forgiven. You have nothing to worry about. Just go and call her rather than waiting for her to call you and say, hey I missed you when I came in for the interview. This way, if she was wrong, she has opportunity to apologize. If the date she gave you, might have been misheard by you, and you got it wrong, she can look at her date book and see where she had put you in. This is a good precaution if there is a slim chance you got it wrong and you calling first makes a better impression, despite the mix up and shows you still really want to work ther.

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Hello,

On September 5th, I will be going to a new school. The school I'm going to is a 6-12 school, meaning that I will not know anyone there. (I'm going to 6th grade).
I am introverted, and its hard for me to be myself when im nervous, so I don't know how i will make friends. I heard that you can make friends when people can relate to you. But when I'm nervous my social skills are terrible, so its harder for me to do that.
Secondly, I have never had lockers or had to memorize where classes are before, so I'm afraid I will go wrong with that, but friends are my main concern.
Lastly, the school I am going to is a very good school, that many people apply to but few get accepted. This means the stakes are high and im afraid that i wont meet them. I know I'm smart but what if I'm not smart enough?
Thanks for your help,
-Z

I have the feeling that as far as being smart enough to start there, you are or you would not have been accepted if its a school as you say where you have to apply and few get in. What you know to get in is not going to be what you know when you graduate. You will learn there and teachers are willing to work with and help students who apply themselves and have a hunger to learn. If you have trouble also talking to adults, then you may have trouble in school unless we address that. As a child and teen, I was introverted and called shy because there was no term yet for 'social anxiety'. I followed a list of things to do that are simple and you go at your own pace. Yes, it's scary but I was sincerely tired of being that anxious and knowing it would also hold me back in the adult world when going for a job so I applied myself. I read in a book by a psychologist that what I did is what he recommends. However, what I did, I got in prayer by asking God. I will share that with you because it starts you at learning to just smile, nothing else and slowly build up from there, to also learn how to start a conversation first, but thats at the end and when you get to that point, you will be ready. It worked for me and I am now and extrovert and have no anxieties. In fact at HS reunion, I was the social butterfly, making a point to walk up to everyone and at least say HI. I especially went to those who stood around by themselves not talking to anyone and at least 6 people thanked me for coming to talk with them.
Where it says talk to strangers, you include any and all kids you don't know.

I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.

It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so anxious socially. I didn't have the guts to just switch behaviour and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone ) and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered. (I more recently read of the same way to overcome this in a book by a psychologist so it's not like trusting me that God said this but its what psychologists understand too))

None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.

1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes when ripe so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for face-book friending or other social media. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.

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Hello,

First off, thank you so much for your help. I’m a 26 year old girl who has never been in a relationship. My dating experience consists of dating people for no longer than about two weeks and some sexual experimentation (but not sex yet). I’m writing because I feel so strongly about someone I feel physically ill and somewhat insane. I met a man last week who I was instantly attracted to from the moment we met. The chemistry was incredible from the get-go. I’m not sure I ever truly experienced this before. Immediately I thought, “I have a crush on him.” I found myself faintly thinking about our relationship 30 minutes into knowing him. I tried to dismiss how intense these feelings really were because I didn’t want to get hurt and I thought I was making it all up in my head. He is a very attractive and charismatic man and I thought I was just falling prey to that. We are aspiring opera singers and met at an opera performance. So after the performance the group of us went out to dinner. At dinner, he and I couldn’t stop looking at each other and smiling. I assumed with his charismatic nature he was probably like this with everyone and chastised myself for always falling for these types of guys. By the end of the night, he told me he found me very attractive. I was elated to hear this, but still paranoid that he probably treats everyone this way. You can see how low my self-esteem is. He gave me a ride home and I 100% by accident, took his bag of books with me from his car. Part of me was ecstatic about getting to see him again to give him back his books and part of me felt scared. At this point we’d definitely be seeing each other again. We arranged for me to return his books back to him and of course it ended up being a date.

Before I move on, let me add some details about him. I knew he was older than me, but it turns out he is an entire 25 years my senior. Additionally he has a primary career as a professional athlete and is insanely wealthy. All of this is starting to freak me out (in good and bad ways).

The date ended up being an absolutely amazing day of us hanging out from early morning until late at night. We went to the beach, we rode bikes, and sang together in his apartment which has the most amazing view of manhattan I have ever seen. I watched him practice golf in his living room (of which he is a pro instructor).

He kept telling me that he felt something special right when we met, and that we had a rare connection. He told me it’s rare to feel this way about someone. I confessed that I assumed he experiences this with every woman and he said no, not at all. All day he kept telling me how much he loved my quirky mind and how beautiful I was. While we did not have sex, we were sexually intimate all day and fooled around a bit. I haven’t been touched like this in so long and given our intense emotional connection, it felt amazing. He was very nurturing to me in certain conversations and I felt like he truly understood me. It felt unbelievable to be praised and paid attention to. By the end of the night we were cuddling and kissing non-stop like a couple and it felt so natural.

This is the first time I’ve felt this intensely about a person. Every time I have feelings for someone I just assume that it will go badly and that it won’t result in anything but heartbreak and unrequited love (because, to be honest, it’s happened in the past). But the first couple days after seeing him I felt joy and excitement beyond belief. I caught myself smiling and daydreaming nonstop and had butterflies in my stomach. The feelings of joy crashed into anxiety and sadness eventually though. The self-doubt and not feeling good enough finally set in. Ever since I met him I’ve felt a combination of extremely high highs and extremely low lows. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep well. My mind is constantly on him. My stomach and chest feel hot and uneasy. I’m hot then I’m cold. I have never experienced such intense PHYSICAL sensations before tied to my emotions. Is this normal?

He is out of the country and it is agonizing that I won’t be able to see him for at least 3 weeks. It feels like a year. Additionally I too am leaving for a singing training program this weekend and still have to pack and make last minute preparations and can’t focus one bit. I’m very worried that what needs to get done won’t before Saturday. Also I want to be as focused as possible when I’m there and I’m worried this will get in the way.

Another thing that keeps freaking me out is his status in life. I am very intimidated by his wealth and success and paranoid that I am too ordinary and not good enough for it. I also keep assuming he must have a big ego if he’s a pro athlete and that rich but I think maybe these are just judgments. I love that he is so much older than me, but that too intimidates me.

How can I deal with these extremely intense fluctuating feelings? Last night I was trying to pack for Saturday and had a panic attack. These feelings of panic alternate with feelings of giddiness and joy and it’s all just extremely intense and scary.

At this point I feel like, I’m in love with him even though we only had one date. When he gets back should I be upfront about the fact that I want to be with him? Would it be okay to ask him where he sees this going? I don’t want my heart played with. I experience anxiety and depression and have severed relationships with my parents and have a lot going on now. I feel like I can’t make it through a major heartbreak right now. What should I say to him?

What are your general thoughts on all this? I’m feeling very intense and
vulnerable and it is scaring me. It feels lonely not to be able to talk to anyone about this. I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to read this and giving me advice.

Hi Hon. Wow, he sounds like a wonderful guy. I know 25 years is a big gap but if he is in good health, then why not. I had to chuckle when you said you were paranoid that you are too ordinary and not good enough for him. I felt that with my second husband when I had read his profile and message. He sounded like he was some college professor and his knowledge so great that what I knew would look in comparison like a country bumpkin. I used to be socially anxious with low self esteem and no confidence...so I understand what you are going through.
What I will say is that you can't protect your heart from hurt by getting cold feet and ending relationships before they start. It is obvious he is taken with you. When he's back, he will call, I am sure of it. Since he is older, he also knows he had less time left on earth than you. He is mature enough to know that he wants to enjoy the rest of his life now and not wait for anything. So, despite your age, he is looking for more than a young thing to feel young again like men in middle age crisis. I think it may be possible he never married. Or even if he is divorced, it is hard for wealthy singles and celebrities to find the love of their life and if a past famous athlete as well, it's doubly so. There will be too many women in his past who wanted him for his money or fame, not because they loved him. So what do you think if you were the wealthy person and everyone you meet only wants you to spend your money on them. HOw can you know someone likes you for you, not your fame or money? It would have to be someone who doesn't even know you are rich. So he meets you, he likes what he sees and you also had no idea who he was other than a guy who sings opera like you. That is refreshing for someone in his position. I will send you something to help confirm if he is the right man for you. You will have to make a list so carry a note pad in your purse to jot down more things as they come to mind. You can't do this in a day or two. Your mind will go blank on you. Once you have completed your list, you will use it to compare with him. How many of your criteria does he meet. The more he comes close to what is the ideal man for you, the more sure you will be and you won't have to overthink it or double guess yourself. There are celebrities who are not into displaying their wealth or gloating about it. Many like to remain anonymous and stay hidden in average lives. One like that is Keanu Reeves. He doesn't drive a brand new car or wear designer clothes. He drives some really old car and wear stuff like Tshirts and jeans. Just take your time. About your feelings, this is what is called having your head up in the clouds. Basically, your mind is in outer space so to speak, you aren't connect to or aware of the things going on around you because your mind is filled with and focused on him. It's like this with all people. It happens at the beginning of a relationship. It is an elated feeling that is stronger than the average love feelings a couple has. In the beginning it is so strong and feels so good that some people are addicted to that feeling and will start and then break up and repeat over and over to feel the New Relationship Energy each time they meet a new person. This is like a drug induced craziness about a person. I know, I have felt it several times. If you tell yourself while he's gone to focus on the list instead of him, that will be a good distraction. Now I will paste it in for you. Later if you want a list to know if he loves you, there are only 7 questions to it, a list I got off line and added to it. Heres the info called Finding Mr. Right.

I went through this search in my late forties after an almost 30 yr marriage to a man who was never in love with me, verbally abusive and not my sexual match. I was ready to finally find Mr Right and what I believe I heard while praying, is that I had to make several lists and refine them as I went along.

First, how well do you know yourself? I used a dating site 2nd time around. It worked for me to find my true love. However, to fill out a profile for yourself, to really describe yourself, your personality and who you are at core, is hard to do, like writing about your work strengths in a resume. So this is just as important as a resume only more so. You can easily leave a job that doesn't work out. Its much harder with a boyfriend or husband. So its best to be able to describe yourself well for those few you meet who may be promising. This is not just those met online but any you meet in person as you're out and about. They will have something specific they are looking for as well and need to be able to recognize the possibility that you may be the one for them. Or hopefully they will, if not, they may not recognize that you are the one for him and that is too bad for him. You want a guy who sees the real you inside too and will know he wants you, the whole package. You'll need this list or bio on yourself before you can form the list of what you are looking for in a guy.

So, ask yourself what it is in life that lights you up, makes you not just happy but content and feeling fulfilled. Ask yourself what is or are the passions deep inside that push you to seek out certain hobbies, pastimes, certain people with the same?

I'll give you an example. One of the things that make me passionate about certain things in life is that I am a nurturing person deep at core. This nurturing desire needs to be expressed and has been through several different avenues. For one, being a mother and raising my kids, now grandkids, loving planting and tending a garden, and yes, giving advice in an advice column. All of these things require a person driven by nurture, such as my wanting to be of help to you, to see you break free of whatever is holding you back in life or keeping you unhappy.

Once you have defined yourself with some really good descriptive words or scenerios, you will be drawing on this list to make a specific list of criteria of what is most important in a guy.
If you need help with the list of yourself, please just ask me and I will help.

Now, for the list of what you feel is Mr. Right for you.
Actually, there will be two lists. A list of Must Haves, things which if missing are a deal breaker because they are that important to you. Do not let any guy tell you that your criteria is extremely unreasonable. I got that often. It means the guy can't meet your criteria, can't meet your Must Haves and wants you to lower your standard for them and they don't give a crap about who you are and why these are your criteria. A deal breaker would be “I want a guy who wants to have kids” “I want a guy who isn't afraid to commit, settle down and marry” “I want a guy who is open minded spiritually and will allow me to believe whatever I do without trying to convert me to his belief” “I want a guy who never raises his voice to me and is able to calmly talk things out.” “I want a guy who isn't a smoker or recreational drug user”.
I for example am very allergic to cigarette smoke or the lingering odor of it. Guys who smoked met with me pretending at first that they didn't. Sitting across a table at a restaurant first time, I couldn't pick it up but when riding in their car on a later date it was heavy cigarette odor in there. He claimed he didn't smoke but later by habit pulled out a cigarette and felt it was okay to lie to me cus I might fall in love once I got to know him and the cigarette smoke wouldn' t matter. It mattered that strongly to me and pissed off a couple guys real badly but you have to stick with what you want. This helps to eliminate guys with major character faults, such as being inconsistent, liars, cheaters, etc....

Do not worry that this is extreme. In fact it has been found in tests done that men (the good ones worth having) are attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, a woman who will stick by it without making excuses or apologizing for it, not afraid to ask for or state what she wants. This attitude is basically having a strong self confidence and self confidence in a woman is what made these good men choose the confident woman over the model types in looks in a test case study.

The other list is the what you want, like the icing on the cake. It is not a need or requirement but would be nice. This list you don't share with the guy. Its for yourself in case you find several guys who meet all the critieria of your other list, to help you choose from among them.
So here is where you find things like, he likes to go dancing, he is a musician or sings well, he likes gardening, has interest in meditation, has long hair, has a 6 pack. I listed that I wanted a man who was height and weight proportionate. This means maybe there might be some chub but basically they will look reasonably okay without looking like a body builder. These things are not deal breakers to me, but if they are to you, then they're in the wrong list. This list is things you would like to see but if you don't get them, you can live without it, for the rest of your life.

I promise, these lists will help. You'll also refine it or think of things to add as you run across guys or problems that you didn't think needed to be in a list. Then if not using a dating site and posting these out there right in the beginning, at least on a 2nd date if a guy asks you out twice, (means he is reasonably interested in you) tell him you have something important you need to share with him. It's important to you. Then recite your list to him. If afraid you may leave something important off, have copies of your list in your purse to hand out to a guy. If he looks at you like this must be a joke or asks such, keep calm and smile nicely and let him know that you are very serious and have resorted to this measure because simply going out with just random guys in the past and into a relationship resulted in the wrong guy each time. It is okay to give examples if he asks. Make no excuses. If he gets upset or has a problem with any of your criteria, you could ask him why, but you can't rely at this early stage whether he may be telling the truth or not to get you to trust him and lower your standards. It is best to tell him you've decided to not consider him, as if he was an applicant for a job and his resume just isn't enough to get the position of 'boyfriend'. Think of yourself as your own human resources manager, looking for the perfect applicant for the available position of 'boyfriend.' Obviously, you will have to turn away many hopefuls. I even had some guys beg me to choose them by the end of a first time meet up. That killed it. Spoke volumes of them feeling insecure, wimpy as males, and having low self esteem, all of which I wished to avoid.
Hope this helps you. This is a lot said and yet there is so much more detail to share. So ask me if you have questions.

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I've come to realize it over the years. I won't get into too much detail because I don't see the point of describing all the abuse that has been endured. What I will say it that it has become very difficult to leave. I feel as though I cannot end things. The idea of ending the relationship makes me feel very anxious and afraid. Why is this? Why can I not leave, even though I have come to terms with the fact that I am being abused.

Advice and wisdom is appreciated.
27/f

I was abused too but what worked for me won't work for you because your mind doesn't see things as I did. So advicemans answer to contact agencies in your area that deal with abused women is best. Some women don't even recognize they are being abused so you are already one step ahead of them. Please do contact such an agency for help. Once you've got your head straight, you'll be able to make decisions regarding your wellfare and removing yourself from the abuse.

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Hi, why do a good boyfriend tend to cheat? he's lovely and been together for few years and they have a son. he don't want to leave her because they have a 2 year old son together plus he says no kids wants to see their parents separated. me, on the other hand we went out a year ago for a few months (he wasn't happy that time with his girlfriend) and he broke up with me because he's got a family responsibility besides we both been friends before we went out. until to this day we still sahy hi and hello on the message and we still see each other. i do still love him but he says he sees me as friend and he also asks, 'DO YOU WANT TO KEEP THIS FRIENDSHIP OR NOT?' i feel we both talking and visiting me still makes me think he's cheating on her, what do you think guys? why would he asks me if i wanted to keep this friendship or not? is he hoping us could happen in the future? the other day while we were chatting i said he won't see me when i'm 60 years old as i won't be around here as i might move and he said, 'you never know darling,' so please help me but don't judge me because he's good boy. both 27. please do explain, are we wrong?
thank you so much


He doesn't visit you because of how you feel. He visits you because of how he feels...horny. You can't complain if you don't like this because you have a choice, feelings or not, to walk away. You have chosen to take whatever you can get from him. Until you decide otherwise hon, you just have to like things the way they are. I have answered something like this twice or more times before. Maybe you, maybe not. If you, then if you have written so many times, it is eating you up, you are not happy. When you are ready to move on, not settle for less and find a guy who will treat you like a queen, only you, no one else, let me know. I have something I can share on how to find Mr. Right. Its about finding man who already is what you need, not how to turn a man into someone you need. For the most part, that can't be done and that is why you are stuck in a rut.

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is it normal for a Scorpio guy wanting me to talk dirty during sex? is it also normal when he wants you to wear a nice lacy lingerie? we broke up but still are good friends and yet we're still having sex while we see each other mostly in my house. I'm single and he's not but the way he wants me to talk dirty and wants me to put a lingerie on it's just like when we were in a relationship he was exactly like that. we're in our mid 20's. what is this then? is this typical Scorpio boy? I hope he don't have feelings or something towards me even though I love him but he's with someone else. any suggestions? thanks very much

He has gone from boyfriend to friend with benefits whose girlfriend probably thinks he has committed to her. While Scorpios can tend to be very sexual, what each one likes is their choice, not a Scorpio trait. If you notice no difference from when he was bf to him not, it's probably because he was in lust with you, not in love with you. If thats what you want, thats fine, just don't expect him to want you for anything else. There is a saying, "Why buy the cow (make a commitment to only one woman ) when you can get the milk for free, (when she will give you sex and you don't have to commit only to her. There is such a saying because men have been doing this since the dawn of time. You do know that males are visually stimulated, don't you? That would explain wanting you in Lingerie.

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So I’m 17 years old, I’ll be 18 in September, I am a senior in high school. I need advice on how to live on my own, what I will need, what I need to do and how to approach it all. My parents will not allow me to get a car, phone, or license as long as I live under their roof. I do not have a lot of money or anywhere near a lot. I have approximately 75$ in my checking acc and 60$ in my savings. I owe my step father 210$ for a military camp they sent me too. I do have a decent paying job but I am on edge with them due to my mom not liking driving me back and forth. I need to know what I will need, what I need to do, how to approach getting that stuff and finishing high school. I’m honestly lost and I hope someone can assist me and point me in the correct direction.

You didn't state what the amount of pay is from your decent paying job. Total income after taxes is what any adults no matter their age, needs to know to work from there. As for a place to live, the cheapest that will allow you to support yourself and all your needs and still maybe a tight financial situation, is the best bet even if you don't necessarily like it. Living on your own is for later when you can afford to pay a whole apt. rent on your own. For now, try to find just a room to rent in someones home. People with homes near the community colleges or university, especially older financially tight people will rent out an unused bedroom. YOu'd want to choose a female rather than a male who may bring on unwanted advances. If you know a friend going away to college out of state, talk to her parents and see if they would like a little extra money, not a full apt rent but something they feel is reasonable to you to stay there in the bedroom of their daughter who is away. My daughter simply wanted freedom to get out of our home as soon as she could so she asked her church pastor, a different church than we attended if he could help her find someone she could get a room with. They announced it one Sunday and a lady said she could live with her for no more than paying a little for water and electricity. She had a barista job that wasn't paying much so she couldn't afford a place on her own. While there, she checked with friends her age to see if others wanted to get into an apartment together. Eventually a few were ready and it was 3 or 4 of them in an apartment together. While that may not sound ideal, it is a good way to afford paying your part on rent without it taking up most your paycheck. If you can find others who desperately want their independance as much as you and you know they work hard and don't skip out on work or spend their Depending on if you're a girl or boy, four of each split between two bedrooms which if too small required bundbeds, then so be it. Its not the way you will live for the rest of your life but its a start. Be humble and start with 2nd hand items to supply and furnish the place. If not from a store, there are also now free sites on the internet like Freecycle in many cities. However don't go alone to pick up an item, don't ask the parents for help, find others willing to help you get items and go along. Phone can be the month to month kind you pay. There are plenty that are only 30 a month. Food: its more expensive to eat out or buy convenience pre cooked foods or meals from the store. Try to learn how to cook from scratch and your food money will stretch further. For example, learning to cook beans from dry rather than canned. I was impressed as a 19 yr old visiting a friend who told me she spent her day off cooking like three different meals in big enough portions so instead of having to do so nightly, she could pull one out of the fridge and the others were frozen in little containers in the freezer and were just a short time with the microwave to a hot meat when you are so busy you feel like you have no time to cook. You need to learn also to budget and know what is in your bank account and reserve amounts needed for upcoming bills. Commmunity colleges now hold classes that teach young people how to be adults including the how to cook part. I highly recommend asking if your local college does that, what is covered in the course and how much it costs and plan to save up to attend it after work or during the day depending on when its offered and hours you work.
If there is bus transportation to where you work, don't go for a car right away, even if you pay for own driving lessons and get your own license. Get the license but buy a bus pass which is cheaper in the long run than upkeep and gas and monthly payment for a car of your own. Don't buy new unless you can afford it because that is one more monthly payment that takes a chunk out of out the budget. Check around for a friend who knows cars well or better yet, his dad is a mechanic and ask if he will go used car shopping when you are ready. YOu'd have to save up. Maybe still will need small payments but I know, the older a car, the more something can need to be replaced. I met a guy who was in such a tight spot. Couldnt afford a mechanic. He talked to a local college where there was a mechanic training class. They need cars to work on for training purposes and the teacher will make sure its done properly and the work is thus free which is the most expensive part. You buy the parts they say are needed. If you have to save up for the parts, then if already used to taking a bus, its no big thing to do that for a while til the car is fixed. we have an older vehicle and used to not have AAA until we had a problem that needed it towed and that experience made us save up and pay for the year of membership. We are on our second year. Its good because there are 3 free tows for a card holder each year and that saves money in the long run if all you can afford is a much older car as is our case, like the close to or over 20 years old.

Clothes and personal care items: I buy most my clothing from second hand stores. For a good example, I buy name brand pants and jeans because the cut and fit is the only one that works for me. I buy Gloria Vanderbilt used. Can't afford it new but I am picky and maybe if they don't have the right color or what I want I go back in two weeks to find what I want. Buy only your underwear, socks and shoes new. You don't have to look frumpy. I am older but I don't dress like I am. I get compliments all the time on my clothes and they are used or off a discount rack for 50% or more off. Do the math before you even try it on. half price of original 60 dollar pants is 30 which I still can't afford. Not all good sounding deals are good. Some personal care items can be real good from your local dollar store as well as paper towels, and kleenex, even basic over the counter medicines. I might not buy the perfumes there because they smell like something several years old from grandmas bedroom, but toothbrushes, pain killers, cold medicine, etc. can be found there, all $1. as well as some foods. We only buy our milk there now as we don't need much and its one buck for each quart. If the quality of what you need can't be found at dollar stores or second hand, check around to see who's got the best price and figure out tax and save up for that amount if you don't have it at the time. Waiting til next paycheck instead of putting stuff on a credit card is better. It is too tempting to put things on it cus you want something instantly. It should be for emergency use. I once had to replace a tire and wouldn't have money until next paycheck and lived where there was no bus service all the way to work. So I put the tire on my credit card and paid off the tire on the credit card as soon as I got the bill. So you see the importance of keeping track of what upcoming payments you need to make.
TV and internet: We don't have internet but have laptops. It is cheaper to go somewhere with internet service, even the local library. I use starbucks sometimes and I see lots of college age coming in with tablets or small lap tops to do whatever they need with the internet. If there are 3 or 4 people sharing it, you might get that for the house. My daughter for example on TV's, has a fairly modern TV but did not pay for cable to get all the channels. She has netflix to watch on her computer and for treats rents recent movies to play on a disc player she has. Thats it. And that saves a lot of money. So you dont get to watch all the newest shows. But I get to watch good ones years later on netflix and binge watch!
Electric bill is something hard when in an apartment. If shared, it can still be a big chunk. SO keep in mind that ground floor places will cost more to heat. The apartments 2nd or 3rd story benefit from the fact that heat rises. So those apartments end up partially or almost all the way heated by their downstairs neighbors. I have been in many friends upstairs apartments that they had the thermostat low or not all at all and it was cozy. Let me know if there is something I haven't mentioned that you want ideas on.
I don't understand why you aren't allowed something like a phone if you pay for your own service and phone. But soon you wil have your own things and own place. For any decisions you need to make after out on your own, try to meet other older adults like your parents age, whom you admire and respect so you can use them as sounding boards to get a different viewpoint and know if you still want to go one way or change your mind. Information is power. Until you so, writing here again as you have questions is a good way to go. The more perspectives the better as I may not think of something or know of something.

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What does it mean when a person says “kids these days think that the world owes them something”? Is that rude?

It is a certain behavior us older people see in some people of younger generations. It can apply to parents, school or job or more. It generally means that the person we see as acting like the world owes them something, are wanting free handouts rather than being willing to work for them. It might sound rude. It is merely stating a fact about a negative behavior. If someone said, those kids think the world is their bedroom and they work hard to clean it up because in a way, they live in it. That wouldn't sound rude, yet its still a truthful observation and a compliment.

For example: I grew up in the 60s and 70's. Back then kids were getting allowances but only for completing chores. And my family among others were so tight on money that us 4 kids did not get allowances. If I wanted to buy something for myself, I worked to earn money. There are jobs a younger kid can get without having to wait til the age you can be hired for a job like fast food or such. I did babysitting and saved up my money to buy whatever I wanted, including the large ticket item, a 10 speed bike. Although things were cheaper, the pay was too and we had to use patience and wait rather than spend little bits as we got it for instant gratification.

Yeah, maybe some hard working kids unfortunately get lopped in with the lazy ones waiting for handouts. I have even seen it in business. Young people are hired but don't seem to care about showing up or at least calling to warn the boss they are ill that day. Common courtesy seems to also go out the window when a young person doesn't want to earn their own money. I do know the attitudes of certain generations tend to be pretty much the same, so much so that someone older like me really does know when a younger person, from early thirties on down has a good work ethic and isn't lazy or looking for handouts and freebies. My example is a young married couple either in their late 20s or early 30s who own and manage a grocery store. They are my childrens ages and yet act more as if they were from my generation.

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So I've been improving my singing voice lately, I definetly feel it, but I'm not sure what I need to do in order to take it a step further...

One thing I notice is that my singing voice changes based on the circumstances. So, if I'm in drama club or something and I'm singing a solo or in front of a lot of people I sing far better than by myself or even in a small group of people. I think perhaps I operate better under stress, or what.

Either way, I wish practicing a song at home would be a better indication of how I'll sound in front of other people. But I'm insecure singing around my family in particular for reasons I won't get into, and I'll often be telling myself to sing quieter.

In addition, the same thing happens with acting and singing together. I've been complimented on my ability to act a lot, but when I'm not in front of a crowd it'll go down a lot.

How do I stop this?

If I were in your place, I'd be contacting singing trainers. Not to say you can't sing but to target the layers of improvement you want to accomplish. When it becomes so easy to sing because you are confident, liking your own sound, then I don't think it will change but be the same no matter what you do as you sing, even if washing the dishes...lol, that's when I tend to sing.

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Every time I’m talking to someone if they’re blunt enough they’ll ask me “why does your voice sound like that?” Or “are you tired? Your voice sounds tired” or “why does your voice sound sad?” Other people would compare my voice to kourtney kardashian who has an extremely monotone voice. It’s gotten to the point where I’m so self-conscious I don’t even talk at all. I remember in grade 6 these two boys were making fun of my voice asking why I talked like that and ever since then I barely talked. I only talked when I had to. Then again in high school whenever I did talk different people would comment on my voice. Then it gotten to the point where apparently my face doesn’t have emotion either when I talk so according to people I look robotic. So this again made me self-conscious and then I’ve developed social anxiety because of it. I remember from 6th grade to high school I had on and off depression. Not bursts of sadness but actually depression. I’ve read online that depression could cause you to lack emotion in your voice and lack expression on your face. Now today I’m 19 years old and a new guy started working at my job as soon as we met he was like “you talk like you’re scared” and then later on in the day he’s like “omg your voice sounds so tired why do you talk like that?” Now it’s just bothering me. When the guy said I talk like I’m scared the manager was making a joke saying “she’s even scared of her own shadow” just because my social anxiety makes me scared of interactions. I don’t want to write a novel but long story short there was an incident where I was cashier for the first time and It didn’t go well with the customer and I had a panic attack. My social anxiety is getting better I can talk to random strangers and start a convo with anyone it’s just keeping the convo going is the problem. My question is how does everyone sense that I’m scared in a social situation when I’m literally just minding my own business? Sometimes I’m not even scared and people would say “why are you scared or uncomfortable?” I don’t even show it in my face but somehow I look scared? Whenever I talk apparently I’m monotone or sad? Why can’t people just stop judging and mind their own business? not everyone has an enthusiastic voice.

At the end you said 'not everyone has an enthusiastic voice.' So have you asked yourself "Do I like my voice and want to keep it no matter what?" If your answer is no but you feel you have no choice, that the voice you have cannot be changed, then perhaps I can help.

I was in a remote town living for a while. Student nurses were often sent there to earn some work experience. I was walking over to a souvenier shop where hubby and I were friends with the owner. His place seemed to be the meeting place for lots of locals. As I approached, I heard a strange female voice, not monotone but overly the other way, too much enthusiam that it sounded fake and it was high pitched like a little girls. I am not one to tease people, I got teased as a kid but I was born having social anxiety because I remember it from the youngest age. Even so, the voice was so out of place different than most adult voices that I wondered what this person would be like, genuine or fake like the voice. When I met her, I liked her instantly. We became friendly and soon I didn't even really notice the voice as being different, I could hear it but it fit her and then I couldn't imagine her with a different voice. A good majority of people feel like its their duty to point out things like this and I believe it highly due to generations growing up with reality TV, not really living their life but trying to live it through others. Then there are the shows encouraging you to call in and place your vote, like Dancing with the Stars. I have watched and everyone dances better than I could hope to. However to whittle down and place a vote, you have to be critical of a persons every more. What is grat is now not so great because someone must win. Our society is now filled with many adult who interact with people as if they have to eliminate others by being critical. So yeah, all these people and how they verbalize comments in a tease like 'she's scared of her own shadow' is cruel but they don't see it that way.

You asked "how does everyone sense that I’m scared in a social situation?" It's both your face and the vibes or energy you let off that clues them in. They see what they interpret as you in pain, unhappy, uncomfortable or scared but most likely have no idea why. I learned this from a magazine article on gaining self confidence. People are attracted to someone with self confidence, no matter how they look. I was at someones party where there were two grossly obese women as guests. One had men and women crowded around her enjoying her and her energy while the other who had low self esteem and low confidence had no one wanting to talk to her. I found myself reacting the same way. It's human nature. I wanted to meet the big lady who attracted lots of people and yes, she had a husband too. The other lady sent out vibes that I interpreted as not being social and not wanting to talk. Even if I am in the mood to help and be a friend, when I have approached people like this in the past, their mind is trying to second guess and paste different interpretations on every word I speak. If I can find something to complent them on, maybe the hairstyle or a necklace, they refuse to accept it, brushing it off verbally. Pretty much, people can tend to put an invisible wall up around them which only makes the problem worse. Humans have the ability to pick up on unseen, non tangible things, which means stuff you can't see and touch. So like a radio picks up radio waves, you also send out waves, only yours says, dont talk to me because I don't want to be laughed at or teased.

I can tell you I am cured of my anxieties and gained self confidence which helps the self esteem too. Before I go into suggestions for you, I can tell you that I expected to be teased. But what was worse, I took everything any person said, and my tortured mind interpreted a friendly comment or tease to be vindictive and mean towards me. Why? I don't know. I was born that way but I found I could change that. Once I learned how to overcome social anxiety, I mentally chose to do something specific every time someone teased. I joined them in the laughter and I usually said or did something to make them laugh more. Laughter takes the tensions away, so even if you don't smile much, they know you have a sense of humor and are able to take good natured teasing. Now i realize that for ages, I have never felt any tease was mean or vindictive. To help you understand, I will pretend I am you in that work situation. So here goes: Him:“you talk like you’re scared” Me: crossing my eyes and talking in what is my best cartoon character voice, "Aw, I thought you'd like my Deer caught in the headlights face. I do it all on purpose you know." Looking silly and talking silly, he will know I am teasing back. He might not have later said "“omg your voice sounds so tired why do you talk like that?” "I will answer you if you can give me a good scientific reason why you talk like you do. People don't decide to sound odd or different. They just start talking and the voice they produce is just theirs." Manager: “she’s even scared of her own shadow” Me: I am? Oh right. then I look behind me and do a fake startled scream, 'Oh my gosh, its that scary shadow again, help! Someone please protect me!" yelled as I go pretend to hide behind my manager. By teasing and being like a comedian back at their poorly chosen words, its a very subtle way to point out to them that you really took note of their comments and they just don't make sense and there is no real answer you can give. Its like asking a really tall person why they aren't shorter. Uh, genetics? The answer should be obvious be many people ask stupid questions. If someone asked if I was unhappy, I might say "Thanks for asking. I'm just fine. You'll know if I'm unhappy cus this is my unhappy face." I put on a big frown, pout my lip and then break into a fake cry. When you choose to not react by being fed up with the questions, at least those who know you well enough will stop. I have met several adults with high pitched squeaky voices and as long as they have a friendly good natured personality, I find in time the very different sound doesn't bother me. I accept it as part of them, same as someone who is born with a deformity. It would be ludicrous to point at someone with a missing finger and say, 'You have a missing finger" It would be stating the obvious and I would deserve to have that person look down at their hand and go, "Oh, my gosh, you;re right! Where did my finger go? And they pretend to look for it. Do you see now, when someone is rude by stating the obvious,regarding your face or voice, reacting with teasing them for their stupid question will only make them look worse for stating it in the first place. It's a subtle way to teach them manners.

Now a fact about communication-
Facial expression and body language makes up more of what we communicate than what we actually say. You can do the research yourself and see that I am right. In the past, I had a stern face. Many who are of German descent like myself tend to have intense stern formidable faces when our face is relaxed. These are faces that rarely sport a smile when relaxed and since a smile as body language tells others that you are friendly and approachable, People have mistaken some as not being approachable. Every time you walk past a mirror, take a quick look at yourself and don't change your expression. Just imagine that same look on another person. If you can think the thoughts that they look tired, sad, scared, then perhaps you might benefit from lessons on how to change that. Same goes for the voice. If you are not happy and want to change your voice, then look up voice lessons on the internet for your area. I am not saying your voice will no longer be yours. Because of the shape and size of your voice box, there are only so many possibilities that will be alternate voices but still yours all the same. I looked on the internet and up came a site 'voice lessons in your area" because of my computers location, it was ready to give me a choice of 26 options. Monotone voice can be dealt with.

This next one, Megan, sounds like the student nurse I mentioned earlier only a bit more bubbly. Not monotone voice, expressive but she shares of how rude people were in school, even teachers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHYVPuHfHcU

Here's another Megan where she is at peace with her voice with a couple of guys, using a machine that alters the voice, for all of them. Hope this gets you to the point you are either okay with your voice or at least work on the monotone with voice lessons can do. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlzLF7y90LU&index=12&list=RDQmnG1bOjqBc

I hope this gives you some hope that things can become better although you have to be an active part in making that happen. If you wish to deal with self confidence, let me know and I will write about a trick i read in a magazine article. It worked surprisingly for me, so great even though the solution sounds corny and lame. If you write me again, PLEASE do not do it in the comment section for this answer. Find my column by looking for dragonflymagic and there will be a button on my column to contact me with a new request. I wish you well dear.

Medical reasons on youtube--a Stephi Lee shares publicly why she sound as she does. Heres you video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGWzdPcTQZU

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I'M INTERESTED IN BECOMING A CALIFORNIA HOME CARE AIDE AND I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW CAN I WORK FOR TWO FAMILY MEMBERS ONCE I COMPLETE MY TRAINING ( I.E. GRANDMOTHER, AUNT)OR AM I ALLOWED TO HELP ONE FAMILY MEMBER ONLY I.E. AUNT? IM BEING PAID BY THE AGENCY




I used to be a home care help and know that you can get paid for helping a family member who qualifies for help. If both qualify and both have contacted the agency for help and say they live in the same house, then it would seem silly to send you and another person to the same place. You'd have to ask them. This is one of those situations that may not come up often. They may have rules about it or not. If they live separately and you'd be dividing your time between two places, if it were me, I would allow you to do both since they already know you and get along. That was always a big issue, the person in need getting along personality wise with their home care aide. Just call and ask them.

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Growing up I’ve always struggled with friend groups and keeping friends. So for years I’ve been searching for that friend group where I belong but no luck. Today I was hanging with a couple of my work friends and some of them are already best friends and consider themselves sisters. I was in the car with them and I almost started crying (obviously I didn’t) because it was so nice seeing a group of friends and it looked like a movie. I’ve never had a group of best friends like that and I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere what do I do?

I agree that you haven't given enough of the kind of information that would give us the best clue as to how to respond to you. Feeling left out, always on the outside of a group of people looking in like looking in a store window, frustrated, wondering why people don't notice you or want to invite you...
You didn't mention being shy or having social anxiety however I had that as a child and teen. And I felt all those things I just wrote. And it wasn't their fault. The problems lay with me. Looking back, I don't blame them for not finding me interesting enough to invite to things and become a friend. I did have 3 close friends in HS but that was it and I still felt those things. A low self esteem is usually at the center of why it is happening. I am now outgoing and confident and a totally different person, Have no trouble making friends. I see the quiet people who barely talk, low self confidence and realize they seem on sight to look boring and not worth my time. So I can easily understand how one ends up without friends and no one wanting to give you a try even. Let me know in more detail what exactly you struggle with other than making friends. What I mean is things like fear of how to start a conversation with a person or social anxiety. I have followed plans that helped me overcome both of those without having to see a doctor. If that is your case, I can share them with you but there is still a chance you may benefit more from seeing a counselor.

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So my entire family has this thing where we can attract weird people. It sounds weird but trust me it's a thing. It's like they know we see weirdos a ton so they come over for looooong chats and ask for a ride. There is one person in the neighborhood that walks from Walmart to his house (the neighborhood is really close) on a daily basis and he will only ask our family for a ride. Ten cars could be on the road and he would only flag our family over. At concerts we will bump into strangers that seem to know us and have 2-4 year old children that can name Themselves. I'm wondering if this is a trait PR some kind of super power I'm a male and I am a bit shorter than average I wear darker colors and basketball shorts or windbrealers. I have brown curly hair that is dirty blonde in summer and brown eyes. Hope that helps in the bio-chemical research. Help appreciated

It's not weird to me because of my 2nd husband. He is like that. He also has no explanation for why it happens. I thought maybe it was just one person here or there who has the ability but for a whole family, WOW! I will mention that in his studies he came across the mention of the 'collective unconscious' a term Carl Jung coined. Others have used his term and a great many had worked with mental patients. The collective unconscious is like a holding tank in the universe of all knowledge, ideas and experience of ancestors and others who lived before us. Some minds seem to be geared to be able to lock into that knowledge without knowing it. Artists are people who often connect with it to produce their ideas for their creations. However I believe that Jung likely saw this first and more often in individual in the psychiatric ward because their minds were wired differently, something like the fact that there are left brained and right brained people. So imagine now people who can hook into the collective unconscious as involuntarily being drawn to something, like moths drawn to a flame or light. I don't think they all have to be mental patients but in some ways they will not act quite as normal and blend in like the rest of us.
Besides being drawn to my husband, he told me that many times in his past he had people come face to face with him who were instantly terrified of him, like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, frozen with fear or indecision. I actually had a chance to witness the fear thing one day. He and I had walked into a McDonalds to each get a coffee. I gave my order with how many sugar and cream and turned to hubby, "Your turn" As he stepped up to the counter, and the cashiers eyes went from me to him, I watched his face transform into a mask of terror as if a terrifying ghost or demon stood before him. He actually froze, not doing anything on the register. My husband had to repeat his order. The guy looked relieved to get away and had someone else bring the coffees to the counter. Outside, he asked If I had noticed anything odd inside. I said yes, I saw the young man react in fear to my husband and he is not a scary looking person. He also told me that a few times, there are some of these 'weird' individuals who instead of being a pain in the butt, are actually more unpredictable and thus, dangerous. I have also witnessed that. He had taken me to a 2nd hand store and stayed in the car. I ran in to get one item and wasn't gone long. I ran back out to get in the passenger door and noticed a man standing at the front headlight on the drivers side just yelling at my husband. When I asked what it was about, he said the man was accusing us of following him around everywhere he went and yet we had never seen him before. So if your family is ever interacting with one of these 'weirdo's and your gut is saying 'warning, warning', get out of that situation because you don't know if in their fear or reaction that they may try to hit you.
Another time, we were at Walmart grocery shopping when a man walked up to us and asked if we were married, and I said yes. He then said we were such a cute couple and he could tell we were in love. We had not been kissing or touching each other mind you. We thanked him and tried to walk on to get the next thing on our list. The man had no cart or basket and just walked along with us chattering away. When my husband got to the meat section, he gave me a look that told me he'd feel better if I was elsewhere, away from this guy and told me to go get the salad dressing and pickles. As I turned to leave, the man was insisting that my husband choose a certain package of meat rather than what he had put in the cart and was pointing at the package in the cooler. When I came back, the man was gone and my husband didn't want to get into it as to what he said to make the man leave. We live in our van so we see street people often and a good part are the drug addicts and the mentally ill. The working normal people like us are the smallest part. So we run into the weirdo's often and they always seem to be drawn to my husband. Since he's had this all his life, he can sense ahead of time which ones are benign and which are too unpredictable and volatile and as soon as he gets a chance, tells me to stop talking to them because anything could set them off. He has me trained so all he has to whisper is 'this person is dangerous' and I will watch hubby for cues as to what to do, and I do exactly as he does. Thanks for your descriptions but it has nothing to do with our looks. That i know for certain. At least, your family can know they aren't alone. I will give a link to a site that talks about the collective unconscious:
https://www.britannica.com/science/collective-unconscious

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I just want to point out you must be the best person on this site because almost every question I go onto you have answered with well thought out multi-paragrapgh answers and I now be live in the high god dragonflymagic and I pray everyday to you you allmighty hero but anyway i just want to thank you

Thank you very much. Blessings to you!

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Hey, I met this guy a week ago. He grabbed my attention once I met him.. he took me out twice. On the second day he asked if i ever gotten my feet’s licked and my butt. Lol that sounded weird. I told him if he is only looking for sex to let me k ow because am not trying to waste my time. He told me no that he finds me attractive etc. But after that day he havent written back to me. I don’t know if to hit him up or what . What do you think of this hun ? Thanks

If you were able to read minds, you would probably be aghast at how often sexual thoughts and questions run through a males mind, especially so if he is out with a female. A male with good manners will look, not touch and keep his thoughts and questions to his self, not vocalizing them.

The difference to me is when they vocalize and talk about sexual things or describe what they like about you in sexual words. Yes, even the gentlemen who are patient to wait until the two of you have had a chance to get to know each other and give you a chance to proceed to sex when you are ready, they are thinking these thoughts. My second husband is the gentleman, he never even attempted a first kiss. I had to kiss him. But it was obvious by how he treated me and kept calling and wanting to get together that he was attracted to me. Once we got to the point of being lovers as well as close friends, he told me of all the thoughts that had gone through his head like how to sneak a peak down my blouse without being obvious and he wasn't. I never knew until he told me.
I don't know how long its been since he answered he just finds you attractive but if he was really into wanting to spend more time with you to get to know you as a person, not just for sex, even if he is terribly busy for a week or two with no time to really get together, at least a phone call, text or computer message, email, would be appropriate. If he is truly busy, he may not be interested enough in you as a person, only sexually and if he did care, he would be putting him self in your place and realizing that after saying you are attractive and then not contacting you to explain if busy, well, that tells me he won't be the most considerate man...probably forget birthdays and such and possibly care more about pleasing himself in bed rather than you. Yes, I could be wrong but I've lived long enough to look back and realize that there always were subtle signs that explained behavior issues I had with guys. So, I may sound extremely suspicious or pessimistic but my life experiences have shown me that too often, these signs end up true instead of false alarms. For him to ask sexual questions at the beginning, well he hasn't bothered to learn about women, how to talk with them, understand how they view things or reason stuff out. Men and women are quite different in that. Could be he is just fumbling and not knowing what to say. So spending more time with him will be like giving him enough rope to hang him self with his words or actions. If he never mentions sex again, then he has learned from it. Thats good. Sometimes we have to overlook a man sticking his foot in his mouth if he did it once. However if he finds ways to verbalize in ways that sound too sexual to you, if may be that he is more interested in you for sex than for a relationship. There will be always one guy that turns out to be a great companion, just that he has never learned to think first before speaking and so all these sexual thoughts that all men have but monitor, are just let loose every time he thinks them. But really, that is still very unlikely. You and he haven't spent enough time together to get to know each other well enough. Sex is a vital part of a relationship. There had to be chemistry felt on both ends, not just one, or a very weak chemistry. Its so important to males that right from the start, even men wanting to marry and father children with her, will not want to make that commitment until they are sure that this woman loves sex with him as much as he wants her and they are very compatible sexually. This would be like all women wanting to know if a guy is financially stable before committing to him, and all men being turned off by a woman asking so she would be trying to find out ways she can learn what he does for a living and how much he earns. YOu can't be certain of his job until you have stopped by his workplace to meet him for lunch or some other such reason.
I think the best thing you can do is to have a good talk with him and spell out for him all your boundaries, lines he should not cross. Second time around after a bad first marriage, I met guys who I came to know about in online dating but met in a coffee house where we could sit and talk, drive our own cars to meet, and I only talked about exactly what I was looking for in a guy. I volunteered the information they want to hear most, right up front. Told them I was a very sexual person but from a first marriage, found that two people can be very sexually incompatible. Told them I would not be interested in investigating if the two of us were compatible that way unless they could meet certain criteria I had. My criteria didn't include what they earn, what they drive, where they live or whether they owned a dog. Thats the only stuff most men told about themselves online. In my profile, I found spots to put a list of criteria they had to meet before I would even consider meeting face to face. I didn't consider the coffee house meet as a date. IT was more like interview status. I shared all about me even what I know to be my weak spots and even told the guys that if they didn't like what they see or they couldn't meet my criteria or not willing to, I would not think worse of them if they left me right from the start. Funny thing I learned from an article later, a man likes a woman with self confidence. He may not realize that's what it is but he is attracted to a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid or shy about asking for it and sticking to her guns and not settling for less. Yes I met guys who wanted me to settle for less and were lying to me. I usually found out by inconsistencies at the 2nd or 3rd date. That's when the guy relaxed and became his true self, dispatching with the false facade. I am telling you all this because you sound like the kind of woman I am, you have some ideas of what you want and don't want. But it helps to be more precise and spell it out better. I actually found this kind of hard. YOu can't figure it out all at once but the sooner you start, the sooner you can have this talk with him and let him know where you stand and thus where he falls in the equation. He might be a great guy hon, no way to know if he just made a one time blunder. But he needs to know you don't want to hear that kind of stuff if you dont want to hear it. Thats appropriate only when both people are strongly attracted, she trusts him and wanting to have sex together the first time. Then yes, anything and everything about sex, is vital to share in a conversation.

I will share with you what I got in prayer when wanting to find a new partner and God told me what I should do. These lists and the difference of wants and needs and what are deal breakers are very important. You will feel better equipped and more sure of yourself and your search for a sweetheart if you do the same. SO I will post it and I think you will understand how you can apply it right away with your guy. There will always be a few men who feel threatened by a female who is so sure of herself, call her demanding and unreasonable and get very angry. THats good hun, because you have just ruled out the undesirables men with low self esteem, who get jealous al the time and can end up being very possessive and controlling. Yes, I ran up against that too. So once you try and use these lists with him, if he freaks and gets upset or says its not necessary for what ever reason he gives, then don't worry that you ruined a chance with him, you simply found some shortcomings in him right off the bat.

Here's that help now:

How to find Mr. Right or Ms Right

I went through this search in my late forties after an almost 30 yr marriage to a man who was never in love with me, verbally abusive and not my sexual match. I was ready to finally find Mr Right and what I believe I heard while praying, is that I had to make several lists and refine them as I went along.

First, how well do you know yourself? I used a dating site 2nd time around. It worked for me to find my true love. However, to fill out a profile for yourself, to really describe yourself, your personality and who you are at core, is hard to do, like writing about your work strengths in a resume. So this is just as important as a resume only more so. You can easily leave a job that doesn't work out. Its much harder with a boyfriend or husband. So its best to be able to describe yourself well for those few you meet who may be promising. This is not just those met online but any you meet in person as you're out and about. They will have something specific they are looking for as well and need to be able to recognize the possibility that you may be the one for them. Or hopefully they will, if not, they may not recognize that you are the one for him and that is too bad for him. You want a guy who sees the real you inside too and will know he wants you, the whole package. You'll need this list or bio on yourself before you can form the list of what you are looking for in a guy.

So, ask yourself what it is in life that lights you up, makes you not just happy but content and feeling fulfilled. Ask yourself what is or are the passions deep inside that push you to seek out certain hobbies, pastimes, certain people with the same?

I'll give you an example. One of the things that make me passionate about certain things in life is that I am a nurturing person deep at core. This nurturing desire needs to be expressed and has been through several different avenues. For one, being a mother and raising my kids, now grand-kids, loving planting and tending a garden, and yes, giving advice in an advice column. All of these things require a person driven by nurture, such as my wanting to be of help to you, to see you break free of whatever is holding you back in life or keeping you unhappy.

Once you have defined yourself with some really good descriptive words or scenarios, you will be drawing on this list to make a specific list of criteria of what is most important in a guy.
If you need help with the list of yourself, please just ask me and I will help.

Now, for the list of what you feel is Mr. Right for you.
Actually, there will be two lists. A list of Must Haves, things which if missing are a deal breaker because they are that important to you. Do not let any guy tell you that your criteria is extremely unreasonable. I got that often. It means the guy can't meet your criteria, can't meet your Must Haves and wants you to lower your standard for them and they don't give a crap about who you are and why these are your criteria. A deal breaker would be “I want a guy who wants to have kids” “I want a guy who isn't afraid to commit, settle down and marry” “I want a guy who is open minded spiritually and will allow me to believe whatever I do without trying to convert me to his belief” “I want a guy who never raises his voice to me and is able to calmly talk things out.” “I want a guy who isn't a smoker or recreational drug user”.
I for example am very allergic to cigarette smoke or the lingering odor of it. Guys who smoked met with me pretending at first that they didn't. Sitting across a table at a restaurant first time, I couldn't pick it up but when riding in their car on a later date it was heavy cigarette odor in there. He claimed he didn't smoke but later by habit pulled out a cigarette and felt it was okay to lie to me cus I might fall in love once I got to know him and the cigarette smoke wouldn' t matter. It mattered that strongly to me and pissed off a couple guys real badly but you have to stick with what you want. This helps to eliminate guys with major character faults, such as being inconsistent, liars, cheaters, etc....

Do not worry that this is extreme. In fact it has been found in tests done that men (the good ones worth having) are attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, a woman who will stick by it without making excuses or apologizing for it, not afraid to ask for or state what she wants. This attitude is basically having a strong self confidence and self confidence in a woman is what made these good men choose the confident woman over the model types in looks in a test case study.

The other list is the what you want, like the icing on the cake. It is not a need or requirement but would be nice. This list you don't share with the guy. Its for yourself in case you find several guys who meet all the critieria of your other list, to help you choose from among them.
So here is where you find things like, he likes to go dancing, he is a musician or sings well, he likes gardening, has interest in meditation, has long hair, has a 6 pack. I listed that I wanted a man who was height and weight proportionate. This means maybe there might be some chub but basically they will look reasonably okay without looking like a body builder. These things are not deal breakers to me, but if they are to you, then they're in the wrong list. This list is things you would like to see but if you don't get them, you can live without it, for the rest of your life.

I promise, these lists will help. You'll also refine it or think of things to add as you run across guys or problems that you didn't think needed to be in a list. Then if not using a dating site and posting these out there right in the beginning, at least on a 2nd date if a guy asks you out twice, (means he is reasonably interested in you) tell him you have something important you need to share with him. It's important to you. Then recite your list to him. If afraid you may leave something important off, have copies of your list in your purse to hand out to a guy. If he looks at you like this must be a joke or asks such, keep calm and smile nicely and let him know that you are very serious and have resorted to this measure because simply going out with just random guys in the past and into a relationship resulted in the wrong guy each time. It is okay to give examples if he asks. Make no excuses. If he gets upset or has a problem with any of your criteria, you could ask him why, but you can't rely at this early stage whether he may be telling the truth or not to get you to trust him and lower your standards. It is best to tell him you've decided to not consider him, as if he was an applicant for a job and his resume just isn't enough to get the position of 'boyfriend'. Think of yourself as your own human resources manager, looking for the perfect applicant for the available position of 'boyfriend.' Obviously, you will have to turn away many hopefuls. I even had some guys beg me to choose them by the end of a first time meet up. That killed it. Spoke volumes of them feeling insecure, wimpy as males, and having low self esteem, all of which I wished to avoid.
Hope this helps you. This is a lot said and yet there is so much more detail to share. So ask me if you have questions.

t

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What happens if there is clear mucus stuff coming out your vagina all the time. Before you start your period and after. What is it i basicly mean to say. And it also smells like must what is it?

You have two questions if the title is one and your message is the other. I am guessing that the true question is about the liquid that comes out of your vagina. It is a cleaning fluid. This ability to produce it starts at puberty. This mucus will stick to your panty and harden. It can look white but when dried is like a pale yellow. The vagina is its own little ecosystem. Though cleaners like douches are sold for use, it is important not to use them because your vagina's ecosystem already does the cleaning. Ad douche will wash away everything including the good bacteria you need to stay healty. If washed away, that allows for the bad bacteria to over produce and can cause problems like vaginitis or yeast which can create bad odors. The important thing is to become familiar with what your natural good smells are so you can tell when theres a bad odor. A healthy scent is musky. Your fluids that help lubricate you for sex will also carry a light scent. A bad scent would be like rotting meat or fish. Its pretty obvious. If you have any more questions, let me know but you would have to start again and write to me from my column.

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I just turned 26, and my two closest friends are only 2 years younger. I wish I could throw caution to the wind and spend all of my hard earned money the second it hits my bank account like they do, but I cant. I treat myself here and there but there's bigger things I want to do. Trips I want to take. A place of my own. I respect the fact that my friends can throw away money like it's nothing because they don't have any responsibilities but the ones to themselves and theres nothing wrong with that. The issue and question is why cant they accept the fact that I don't want to? I'm just tired of being picked at for not dropping hundreds (sometimes thousands) of dollars just because they want me to and because I can. What do I do?

Stick with your plan. You are saving like your grandparents generation saved instead of spending for instant gratification. Not all but most of the younger generations do not know how to, nor do they want to learn how to save instead of spend. It's almost as if you were born in the wrong generation. On the bright side, if you stick with your plan instead of caving in to please them, you will continue to stand out and be a good example for others of your age group, even if your friends never see the light.
In case there are no times at all that you can spend with your friends where they are urging you to splurge, then it may be best to stop hanging out with them. It's like an alcoholic going to hang out at a bar. He is going to be tempted and if he doesnt cave in and have that drink, it would be a time of torture while trying to resist. SO if it begins to feel like torture to you when with your friends, it isn't bad to go out and make new friends, ones who have the type of goals you have. They are out there. I know of a married couple in their twenties who own a grocery store and are hard workers and extremely mature, like an adult with lots more life experiences. You don't have to cut things off totally and see them at times but if all goes south, you can simply leave knowing you have some other, more mature friends you can go hang with.

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I found out about this last month and it’s still killing me inside. I turn 20 next year. My cousin/ex-best friend just turned 20 last month. We are exactly 2 months and 10 days apart. We have pictures together when we were infants and have always been inseparable. We both have always had trust issues, but she is the only person I finally came to trust. We opened up how we both went through depression and were self harmers. We used each other as support to help us through this time and only trusted each other. We also drank together and snuck out when we were 16. I just finished my second year of college and I’m in SGA. I helped out with the school dance and went with my friend Ericka. My ex-best friend helped me get ready. My parents aren’t fond of dances, so since I’m almost 20, I didn’t tell them. When she got me ready, she took pictures and I thought they were just for her. I found out later she showed them to everybody, and not only that, said one of my college friends gave me alcohol. My ex-best friend was the only one to do that, and this was way back when I was 16. She’s the one who gave it to me. She set me up and blamed my friends for it. I’m heart broken because the only person I came to trust, stabbed me in the back. I even remember telling her once that she’s the one person I probably couldn’t live without. I’m much better now, but some days are hard. I can’t help but to remember the good times. I now have many more friends I’m super close to, but I had to cut out my ex-best friend. I have a new one now and she’s had to go through betrayal as well. I still don’t know how to handle this though. 20 years best friends is a long time...=‘{

There's a say "Some people come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime"

I guess you can cross out lifetime with the ex best friend. It's possible that she was only there for a 'season', meaning your childhood and teen years basically. NOw that you are a young adult, perhaps there are things for you to learn and experience in adulthood that you couldn't have with her. There was no way the two of you would part ways so you could do this, make new friends to learn and grow as a person. So something had to happen to cause you both to part ways. Since she is also a relative, it might be best after the sting of the betrayal is gone, to try to be on a friendly basis with her for the sake of family at holidays and such. You don't need to be like before, just not hostile. Whenever two people are needing to part ways due to growth opportunities for one or both, something like this will happen. As long as things are good, they won't part. Perhaps in the future, looking back you will understand why it had to happen. This happens in marriages too. ITs goes as long as possible and if one is not learning how to treat their spouse better, then they must part ways. Many won't due to financial concerns and that is why I stayed 30 years with a verbally abusive man. Since he was the one who needed to learn the most lessons and wasn't improving, I had to be taken out of the picture. I wasn't going to fight violently with him every day so he gave up and granted a divorce, I am not like that. So the only other choices, looking at only what he needs, is for me to leave either of my own free will, without the divorce, or to wait and be taken out by an accident or by developing a disease. God told me that if I didn't leave within 4 years from the day He was warning me in prayer, that I would be dead. I wasn't going to wait around for that to happen. This of course is worst possible scenerio. Luckily it is not so for you. Now all you need to choose to do is think of this situation in a positive way. What good can you see possibly coming from this. Don't think of the negative of betrayal but what you stand to learn and how much you are now able to grow.

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