Member Since:
November 23, 2007Answers:
519Last Update:
July 8, 2014Visitors:
35368Favorite Columnists
xosodapopx3
JustJessOx
Jackieee
about
advice
I'm 18/F
I've never been kissed, never been on a date, and have never been in a relationship.
Is that normal? I feel like i'm not good enough for anyone to love me, or even like me...
I mean... I've never really put myself out there, or flirted or anything, but no one's ever made an effort for me either.
I'm just kinda freaking out over this.
Hey,
This is completely normal, even though it may not seem that way. I see it as a form of self control actually. Most girls have had their first kiss by the age of 15 only because they don't care about the outcome of the relationship with that guy (not all, but most). So, they will do anything to kiss a guy, just to say they did (peer pressure helps alot too). I can tell you think otherwise though.. for you have waited Or perhaps haven't had the chance yet.
Either way, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able to desire a guy or date one. It just means that you are taking your time and not rushing into anything -completely okay. I never had my first kiss until I was 18. That said, I also believe a kiss has nothing to do with "when" you have it, but about "who" you share that moment with. If you are putting yourself out there just to 'kiss' any guy, there isn't really a point. You know?
When you do find the guy, you likely won't have to flirt or put yourself out there even. You will know its meant to be and you will have that first kiss because you both want it to happen. In case you want to, a few things you could do to up your chances of meeting a guy, which in turn brings you closer to a kiss: playing sports, being involved in a club/organization or going to the mall. Also, saying hello to a cute stranger, ordering a drink where a hot guy works every week, walking by the electronics or asking a guy for help with something/to find something (they are glad to help)... things like that.
I would not be in a rush to get a kiss if I were you, its not worth rushing into. And please don't freak out over it. For when you find the guy who wants to kiss you as much as you want to feel his lips on yours, it will be much more special than just any guys kiss... trust me on this
I'm 16 years old and I like this guy who is 2 years older than me. He works at the same place i do and goes to the same school as me. He is really shy and because i'm shy too, i struggle to show my emotion toward him. When people jokingly say "have you asked him out yet?" or when they say to him "have you asked her out yet?" we both just say "no" and act like we're not interested. We had to work together the other night and we talked for the first time, but i dont know if he's actually interested in me or not. What is your advice about how i can see if he likes me back and what i should say to him if we ever talk again?
Hi,
I know how you feel. My boyfriend was a shy guy and I was a bit shy too, but we found a way to connect. The next time you see your guy, ask if he wants to go for pizza after or to just get a drink. Once you are able to find some time together, see if you have common interests and then see if you could do those things together (movies, sports, games, etc). Only after you spend time together will you be able to tell if he likes you. It is all about how he acts. If he stares at you, touches your arm, smiles, asks to see you again, is fidgity, or stutters when he talks, those are all hints.
First you have to catch his attention. Be brave, see if he wants to hang out and go from there
Hey, :)
Okay, so I like this guy at my school. He is 2 years older than me. He knows me just by name. But he's just driving me crazy. I just like really like him. My best friend is his best friend too, So i asked him if he could hook me up with him? and my best friend says he's out of my league. My friends say my best friend likes me, but that doesn't matter to that much. I just really want that guy to like me. What should I do?
Hey,
Age is no problem as long as you two understand eachother and respect one another. So, I think you should ignore what your friend said about this guy being "out of your league". How would he know if you have chemistry with this guy or if you two can relate? Most likely, he has no idea. He is not you. If you like this guy, you should go for him. I think your friends should support you in liking someone and if your other friend does like you, but you just want the other guy, you should still shoot for your goal. Always follow your heart. It is never good to miss out on a chance of happiness with someone you care about. If your friend really is your best friend, he will get over it and still be friends with you after the fact.
Start by saying hi to this guy you like in the hall, then asking him to hang out with you. Once you start talking, things will come easier. Find out if you have common interests and ask him to do those things together (movies, sports, games). Smile, communicate, flirt and you will have no trouble
Okay so there is this real close friend of mine.We are classmates. And we had this sleepover, a couple of us, guys and girls. I just broke up two months back with my bf who cheated..so i am still getting over it...And my friend broke up a few days ago. We ended up chatting throughout the night, and i dont know what happened but we ended up kissing each other too..it was not our intention of doing ANYTHING like that. we pretty much have feelings for our ex's and not each other. i dont know why and how it happened.
we have promised not to tell this to anyone. and that this incident will stay a secret between the two of us forever. but i feel weird about it, i feel disgusted for doing such a stupid thing now. do you think things will change because of this? i am scared he would tell someone which i really dont want.HELP. how should i handle this?
Hey,
I believe the reason why you kissed is cuz in that moment you felt connected. You knew what the other person was going through and related to eachothers emotions (after the break ups). Being caught up in all of it, you both realized you had simular expiriences and so you kissed. It happens.
You shouldn`t feel weird about it. Even though it may have seemed disgusting after the fact, you both just did what you felt... it wasn`t stupid and it never will be. I think the disgusting part came in when you thought about your ex and realized you just kissed another guy for a reason you were unaware of. Having that kiss could change things; you or this guy could develop feelings towards one another, you might feel as if you want some space from eachother or nothing could change. It all depends on how both of you interpreted the kiss and how you want to act on it. To me it seems as if this guy is pretty easy going and that you two had `got` eachother.
If you want to forget about it and move on, you can. But If in the future you start developing some feelings, then maybe just go with it. He seems like an honest guy. Of course I don`t know him personally as you do, but I think if he made a promise he should be able to keep his word. Again, if you feel wary, talk to him calmly, say you love being friends with him, but you don`t want to make anything of the kiss... unless you decide you want to (of course). I think he understood this when he made the promise, but its always nice to have confirmity.
I went to a club last night and was dancing with this guy. We exchanged phone numbers and were texting. One of the texts he sent me read "I see you was trying to give me work :)" What the heck does this mean??
Yep, I agree with the other person. He meant you made him work for what he got. Lots of guys like the chase girls sometimes give them, which is why he (likely) put the smile. Good job! You caught his attention :)
My boyfriend and i hang out all the time. we hoold hands nd we snuggle sometimes. if the room gets kinda quiet we'll just stare into eachothers eyes. it looks like he's gonna kiss me but he doesn't what should i do to get me to kiss me or what should i do to make the first move?
Hi,
When you have a moment where you are looking at eachother like that, Lean in! This gives your boyfriend the 'okay' signal, saying its alright to kiss you. If you pull away a bit, he will not want to.
To make the first move, you can always... kiss him! I had a shy boyfriend who wasn't willing to make that move once, so I decided to kiss him when we were in the middle of a 'moment'. Your boyfriend will likely be turned on and happy you were bold enough to do so. Other things you can do: touch his neck, gently pull his face closer to yours or kiss him beside his lips sort of on his cheek. Any of these moves will make him feel like he wants to kiss you on the lips. There's no harm in trying, so be brave
However lately I've had a lot on my mind.. For one my dad's health is getting worse everyday and there's no hope of him getting better because everything is a big joke to him... He just found out he had diabetes. My sis has cancer and 5 babies... My mom is as stressed as I am and she works 50-60 hours a week so she's not really here for me to talk to about stuff. I'm in college and I work part time and that's my only outlet.. I don't have tons of friends, but I'm just in over my head... Help, I need somebody.. HELP, not just anybody!!
Hi,
I'm sorry that your Dad's health is getting worse everyday. I know how you feel when you say its a joke to him. My Dad has had diabetes for years now, which isn't a completely bad thing... as long as that person can take care of themself. My Dad tends to drink when he shouldn't, so I just remind him that its bad for him when he does do it.
There are a few precautions that your Dad should be doing to keep him healthy now, such as: exercising, monitering his insulin level and watching his sugar intake. Its not very hard to control once you get the hang of it. People can still live a long life with diabetes.
My Grandpa passed away from cancer a few years ago... it must be very hard on your sister raising 5 kids. My mom is a single parent who has two/sometimes three jobs, works 75hrs a week or more and is killer stressed most of the time too.. but she knows that all her work is to support her family. I am going to school, working part time and I don't have a lot of friends, yet manage to pull through; you can too. Have hope.
If you ever feel like screaming in a pillow, pulling your hair out, or are just having a bad day... you can always inbox me
i like this guy we flirted then kiss then when go to the sex part it was weird,after that day onward he didn't even try to touch me even if we spend so many days in bed,he always call me,chat with me introduce me to kiss friends but no more romantic moves,when i make moves he just give me reasons not to do them, i like him what should i do,but 1 thing he is white and i am black.
Yea, I believe race should never be a problem. It doesn't matter if you are black and he is white, you are both human. I think the problem is communication. Have you tried talking to him about this? Ask him if something is on his mind.
If he gives you a reason not to make a move, tell him you want to though, because you care for him and if you want him to be more romantic, tell him. Sometimes men don't realize that they aren't doing those little things (touching you) anymore. Say you loved it when he used to _______ so he will want to do it again! Talk, continue flirting with him and make sure he is comfortable with the attention you are giving. By communicating together you can be sure that he likes how you are interacting and if needed, start from the beggining: with kisses
how do i get a job in canada
Hi,
If you are already a Canadian, it is as simple as going job searching. Look around at all the jobs that interest you and see if any are hiring. Once you find a job, write a resume, and apply at that place. I can give further detail about this if you need.
Since I do not know if you are an immigrant, what your age is, where in Canada you are, or what kind of job you are looking for, this is hard to answer. There are different jobs everywhere and your question is kind of vague. If you inbox me again with more information, I would be glad to give you a more elaborate answer. Thanks :)
what does it mean when a guy is simple through text message?
It usually means he doesn't catch on to things quickly or understand the separate meaning of something said. Otherwise known as simple-minded; naive of what just happened.
If it was a female that said this, I don't blame you for not 'getting it'. Females talk with a lot of underlying meanings which confuse not only guys!
Im a guy and im about to head into college. What are some tips to get noticed by girls? Ive always heard that dating in college is more easy? or more hard? Any advice?
Yes, dating in college is a bit easier, for there tend to be more bachelorettes and common ground. So, what do girls look for in a guy to date there? In general: confidence, a smile and a cool personality (shows you are outgoing). Cheesy pick-up lines sometimes work too, lol. Of course every girl looks for something different in a guy that will suit thier individual interests, such as having something in common or having that good/bad boy kind of vibe - which ever you have, you should be true to that. There is nothing worse than pretending to be into something you are not just to get a girls attention... we will catch on!
If a guy came up to me and casually asked me out for a movie/drink, I would love that. Be bold if you know the girls already interested (or not). If you aren't used to being bold, try a quick smile or wink; they work too. Personally: any guy who can show me he is ready for fun, is down for anything, who can make me laugh and/or isn't afraid of representing his querks... is an ace. But that's just one girls opinion ;)
So, in the first day of high school I met this guy, and I instantly liked him. We talked throughout the year and by June I really liked him. Unfortunately, he moved to the States that summer. But we've still kept in touch, especially in grade 10. Recently we've webcamed and I realized how much I really like him and how much I miss him. He's all I can think about now and I REALLY like him alot. But am I wasting my time with him? I'm probably not going to ever see him again. Should I tell him that I like him, or would he find that awkward? What should I do? I mean I've liked him for three years now (I'm 17 now), he's the first person I've ever really liked...
What should I do?
Hi,
You should tell him you like him the next time you talk to him. It will not be awkward as long as you are talking casually and have hinted that you like him. After you do that, make sure he feels the same way, find out if you two will be in contact again (in person or cell) and then see if you can make a relationship work. Long distance relationships can work, they just take a lot of hard work and dedication. If you are both willing to put that in, you have yourself a successful relationship :)
Start by talking to him and see how he feels though. If he likes you as much as you like him, great; start something. If not, you can always be good friends and visit eachother whenever he can come back to where you live or visa versa. Write eachother letters! Letters can be handwritten AND cute cuz you can keep them forever; double bonus!
Instead of thinking about this all the time, take some action! It is better to try and know the truth than to wonder and never know
Im sssoooo in love with this boy named Jesse and really wanna kiss him so freaking bad on the lips when to kiss him? fyi:Im 11!! sos!!
Hi,
Kiss him when you are in a comfortable place with him and talking to him casually. If you are friends, it will be easier to kiss him without it being awkward, but if you aren't friends, ease into friendship first then kiss him. Just make sure you are ready for his reaction before you do it, lol; he may be suprised and/or happy!
It's also nicer if you are both thinking the same thing, so try to see if he is feeling the same way at that moment (likes he wants a kiss). Anywho, a kiss is a kiss.. and if you like him, enjoy every second that it lasts!
Oh yeah one more thing why can't he hangout even if he has a fiance? It doesn't mean he has to stop having friends of the opposite gender or seeing thm right?
Yes, you are right. He can hang out with other females even if he has a fiance. I just meant that: imagine yourself having a boyfriend you were committed to and oneday he says he wants to go out with another female; wouldn't that make you a bit jealous and upset? I don't see how it wouldn't. As for your other question you sent me, please leave me your e-mail address and I'll be sure to answer it ASAP :)
Me: 16/F
BF: 14/M
I tried to ignore this, but it's starting to drive me insane. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two months and we're still kind of shy around each other. At first, I figured it was all right, he's cute when he's all shy like that. And I'm shy myself, so I forced myself to start hugging him and cuddling. He responded good, just hugging and cuddling back. Well, recently I'm starting to get, I dunno, impatient maybe? Or just feeling weird in general.
We talk a ton after school on facebook and he's been over to my house millions of times and I just recently went over to his house. I felt like we were growing closer and closer, but now I feel like we never even budged. And I have no idea why I'm thinking this, but I'm wondering if I'm just too old for him or something. I know, two years is like nothing compared to five or ten, but I feel weird when I cuddle on him now because I feel like I look stupid or maybe I'm just making him uncomfortable. And then when we talk, I wonder if he's actually paying attention of free will or if he's forcing himself to so as not to be rude. I tried to ask him questions and get him talking, but he just says a couple words and it's done. And our relationship isn't sexual at all, we both know we're too young for that, so let's get that out there. Basically, I'm saying I feel too old, too cuddly, too gross, and too uncompatible sometimes. I'm used to a boy starting off our kisses and hugs and cuddling, the boy telling me he wants to hang out cuz he misses me. I feel weird asking this because I'm a really carefree person. I easily brush things aside and ignore stuff, just go on with life and smile, but for some reason, I just feel frustrated and self-conscious. Is there anything I can or should do?
You should keep continuing to open up to him and be outgoing. The more you be outgoing around him, the more he will start to open up around you. Since you both are the shy type, it will take a little longer to completely be there for eachother, but it will happen. Trust me, I know because I dated a shy guy and it took my opening up to finally make him feel comfortable and willing to just be himself. You seem like a laid back girl, so if you play it cool, be yourself and let things flow, he will too.
Age is just a number and as you said: you are only a couple years apart. Trust me when I say there are ladies dating men way younger than they are! Age varies so much in a lot of relationships, but as long as you are happy and honest, I see no problem. It really is what is inside that counts. Even so, I can completely understand why you would feel 'older' and see that as a bit odd. The only reason for that though, is because society has raised us to think that being an older female dating a younger guy isn't as acceptable, when the fact is: it is completely okay!
When you are uncomfortable around him, yes he can tell and that feeling will rub off on him a bit. If he doesn't seem to want to open up after a while of you opening up to him, it could be that you just aren't right for eachother or that you both aren't working for the same thing. Yea, guys are not much of talkers at times, but don't think that is 'cause of you; expecially because he is shy, you have to say something that will make him want to respond with more words (be clever, lol).
Also, if you are the girl it doesn't matter: you still have the power to kiss him first, hug him first and get him started! In time he will see that you are completely willing to hand him the starting line and once you are closer, he will want to tell you how he misses you and your kisses. All you can do right now, is be outgoing, let him know you care about him and not be afraid to just let it all out there. Eventually, he will see that carefree side of you and feel comfortable to be himself. Try to relax and have fun when you are together; flirt! You are only two months in; it just takes a little time
We had sex last night and she started crying. What can I do to comfort her ?
Hey,
It depends why she was crying. If she was crying because she was sad/uncomfortable: talk to her, kiss her, hug her, say it's okay and you will always be there for her and/or say you love her. OR if she was crying because she was in pain: let her know you will take it easier next time and find out what would make it more enjoyable.
I believe communication with her is needed here. She could of been crying because she had feelings of regret too or maybe she just wasn't ready. Since I do not know if this was your first time, if you two are real close or how long you have been dating: it is hard to know why she would react this way. Just talk to her, tell her you want to be there for her, support her and be sure to listen. She will soon start to feel better and you two will work this out. I know kisses, hugs and cuddling makes me feel better; share those
im 14 years old ps.im a girl well anyways today i got my first kiss i was so happy he told my friend that he likes me and that i was beautiful but i feel really bad because so many guys and girls were mad at him the guys were mad because they liked me and the girls were all his ex's and now i feel terrible because 2 of his ex girlfriends started crying and i kinda regret it now ....... any advice and what i should do about me and him and all those other people who have nothing to do with it anyway i know thats probably mean to say but its true i had to say it
Hey,
It is very exciting to have a first kiss, you shouldn't feel bad at all! It was his choice to kiss you and obviously he enjoyed it and meant it. You should be very happy and lucky that a sincere guy kissed you :) It doesn't matter what anyone else says or feels about you two, that is between you and him! No one was there and no one knew how it happened, except you.
Don't worry about his ex's. Ex's are ex's for a reason and just cuz they cried doesn't change the fact that what he felt for you is what he didn't feel for any of them; otherwise, he would still be with them and he is NOT. If I were you, I would ignore those people that are talking about it. It is none of their business when something happens in your life and they should keep their noses out of it. If they ever say things happened between you two that didn't, it doesn't matter! You and him will always know the truth. So ignore them, spend time with him and you will see he was and still is thinking about you more than anyone else; Savour the moment!
Hey again,
I want to be frienda with him if that's all I can get. And ever since the day he got fired and left without a goodbye all I did was write a goodbye/thank you card to him and the bus company said they would try to get it to him with his last paycheck. I don't know if he got it though, I left a contact email and numbr and told him to let me knw if he gets the card but haven't heard from him. Should I try to contact him one last time in hope of a friendship? Or should I tell him how I honestly feel and if he thinks a friendship won't work have no contact? I have nevr told him how I felt but I have asked him to hang out. This is what happend...
Hey how was your day today
He anawrs
Basically causual talk it got quiet for a second and so I was like hey ... I was wondering if you would evr wanna hangout outside of this bus? And he was like wait what? And I repeated it and then thr was a 10 second silence akward as hell and thn he was like what do you mean hangout and he askd me that like I was asking him to have sex. And I was so nervous and I was like idk hangout I must have sounded so dumb. And he was like I'd like tò hangout but I'm always so busy especially with christmas coming around and my ebay buisness. All I said was oh ok and thn he kept talking to me and I was embarsd so for a week I completlly ignord him and he would do try to get me to talk to him I evntually did. Could it be he said no cause he didn't knw my age at the time I think he was actually busy. Or would he get in trouble if he hungout with me? Its not like I'm undrage? And he would always ask me wht I was doing ovr my weekends I felt like he wantd tò knw if I was free or not. So if we get in contact do I not tell him how I feel, I feel like that's what bothrs me the most I nevr got to tell him wht I feel for him. I use to workout alll the time but bot since he's been gne the whole time I thought I was working out for myself but I was doing it for him I gained weight now and can't seem to be moticated anymore! Everything reminds me of him.
Hi,
About the card: maybe he didn't get it so he didn't reply or maybe he did get it and wasn't sure what to say/didn't have time to reply. I think you should call him one last time, see if he got the card, if so/not ask him if you could talk to him every now and then (instead of saying 'be friends'). If he says yes, great and if he says no, I think it would be better to have no contact.
In your conversation, it sounded as if he knew you liked him from the moment you said "Would you ever want to hangout outside of the bus?". That was a major hint. I think he just took this as a little shock which is why he replied the way he did; the normal way. I know exactly what you mean about the 'awkward' silence there.. he must have thought in those terms (sexually), but when you said 'I don't know, hangout' it saved you and he saw that you just wanted someone to chill with.
The 'ignoring him for a week' likely made things a little more awkward though (for him). For, instead of bringing him in, that was telling him to move away a bit (it made sense to you though since you felt awkward to begin with, where he didn't). Also, I think he tried to get you to talk to him 'cause he could see that you cared, but weren't sure how to handle the situation (he wanted to help).
He must of said no to hanging out atm, for he was busy and... he has a fiance! I don't think age is a problem to him; he may get in trouble from his fiance, but that's about it. When he asked if you were free on weekends, he must of been trying to figure out a time in his schedule when he could hang out with you casually without any "looks" from other people. I think you should tell him how you feel when you are in a comfortable spot; it would be easier and you'll be glad to get it off your chest.
As for your working out, you could see if he would support you in your activities (as a friend). He could still be your motivation as in 'if you work out he may notice you more', but ultimately, motivation is something only the individual can make for themselves. "You are motivated by whatever you choose to be motivated by". So, choose something else to focus on; aNyThInG. When I work out, I listen to music. It takes my focus off of everything else; you just listen, exercise, and sing. Anything can motivate you as long as you want it to and the more you find things to distract you, the easier motivation will become. You can be an individual and accomplish your own goals; trust in yourself! :)
I have been talking to this guy for a while now, and he is extremely sweet, funny, and charming. I really feel like we connect. He and I share this same level of sillyness and quirkiness and I really like that. He is different from every guy I have known, although I am aware I have to be in his presence to really know him. Recently, he told me he really likes me a lot. And I feel like I like him a lot too. But there's a catch. He lives in Minnesota and is about three years older than me.
I think we have become very close since we first started talking. But I really wanna hear his voice. I really wanna call him. But I feel like I would bore him to death, but I also wanna learn not to be shy, too. How can I be a flirt in asking if he could call me and such? I was thinking, "I really want to hear your voice..."
Thanks so much!
Hey,
Since you already have so much in common, trust me when I say: you won't bore him to death! As long as you can talk about your life, what interests you and have an input to what he says, you will have no problem :) To not be shy, you just have to take that chance, call him, and be yourself. Once you make that first call, you will see how easy it was to communicate and then you both will start wanting to make calls more and more - he will appreciate that!
Saying "I really want to hear your voice" is a good start. I'm sure he may say "and I want to hear yours"; give it a try! He already likes you for who you are and age is no problem as long as there is honesty and attraction :)
Hi do you still rmnbr my problem? I wanted to take you up on that offer to talk about this bus driver I can't seem to get ovr him if that's okay? I miss him a lotttt. I dream of him in ways where he's so close to me but I always wake up before he actually touchea me. I want to be his, I want to care for him, I want to hold his hand, I just want him near. Why do I want him so bad? DaiLy I think of him a lot and replay are convos in my head..
Hi,
Yes, I remember your situation. I think you want him so bad because you've never felt that attraction to anyone else and he was a nice guy. BUT as long as he is still with his fiance you should NOT try to be in a relationship with him. You can be friends with him as long as he wants to be friends with you (if he doesn't, do not pursue friendship, try to move on). Knowing how to "control yourself" around him is essential too. He doesn't need a friend that does not know her boundaries.
Since he is in a realtionship, saying you like him makes it hard on both parts (yours and his). You never mentioned if you ever tried contacting him/being friends with him? I believe your dreams will go away once you can get over him though. While you are thinking, keep this in mind: men that are taken shouldn't be chased and being friends is a different story...