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My boyfriend and I just aren't clicking...
Me: 16/F
BF: 14/M
I tried to ignore this, but it's starting to drive me insane. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two months and we're still kind of shy around each other. At first, I figured it was all right, he's cute when he's all shy like that. And I'm shy myself, so I forced myself to start hugging him and cuddling. He responded good, just hugging and cuddling back. Well, recently I'm starting to get, I dunno, impatient maybe? Or just feeling weird in general.
We talk a ton after school on facebook and he's been over to my house millions of times and I just recently went over to his house. I felt like we were growing closer and closer, but now I feel like we never even budged. And I have no idea why I'm thinking this, but I'm wondering if I'm just too old for him or something. I know, two years is like nothing compared to five or ten, but I feel weird when I cuddle on him now because I feel like I look stupid or maybe I'm just making him uncomfortable. And then when we talk, I wonder if he's actually paying attention of free will or if he's forcing himself to so as not to be rude. I tried to ask him questions and get him talking, but he just says a couple words and it's done. And our relationship isn't sexual at all, we both know we're too young for that, so let's get that out there. Basically, I'm saying I feel too old, too cuddly, too gross, and too uncompatible sometimes. I'm used to a boy starting off our kisses and hugs and cuddling, the boy telling me he wants to hang out cuz he misses me. I feel weird asking this because I'm a really carefree person. I easily brush things aside and ignore stuff, just go on with life and smile, but for some reason, I just feel frustrated and self-conscious. Is there anything I can or should do?
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Ha.
Two years is nothing when he's 24 and you're 26. At that age you could both be college grads who have a career, are thinking about a house, maybe want to consider marriage and kids down the line.
At 14 and 16 the difference is alot more severe. He does not have anything like adult male confidence. He's barely pubescent. He has little or no experience with women and isn't at a point in mental development where he's really capable of picking up all the important stuff. He's probably slightly intimidated by you because you're older.
None of these things would be a problem in a decade, but right now with an inexperienced 14 year old who isn't even sure what he wants out of a girl beyond "She likes me!" I don't think you're going to find the actual relationship you seem to be seeking. He's not old enough to give you a level playing field, break up amicably and tell him you like him but you need to date someone more your own age or maybe a year or two older than you (its true).
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You should keep continuing to open up to him and be outgoing. The more you be outgoing around him, the more he will start to open up around you. Since you both are the shy type, it will take a little longer to completely be there for eachother, but it will happen. Trust me, I know because I dated a shy guy and it took my opening up to finally make him feel comfortable and willing to just be himself. You seem like a laid back girl, so if you play it cool, be yourself and let things flow, he will too.
Age is just a number and as you said: you are only a couple years apart. Trust me when I say there are ladies dating men way younger than they are! Age varies so much in a lot of relationships, but as long as you are happy and honest, I see no problem. It really is what is inside that counts. Even so, I can completely understand why you would feel 'older' and see that as a bit odd. The only reason for that though, is because society has raised us to think that being an older female dating a younger guy isn't as acceptable, when the fact is: it is completely okay!
When you are uncomfortable around him, yes he can tell and that feeling will rub off on him a bit. If he doesn't seem to want to open up after a while of you opening up to him, it could be that you just aren't right for eachother or that you both aren't working for the same thing. Yea, guys are not much of talkers at times, but don't think that is 'cause of you; expecially because he is shy, you have to say something that will make him want to respond with more words (be clever, lol).
Also, if you are the girl it doesn't matter: you still have the power to kiss him first, hug him first and get him started! In time he will see that you are completely willing to hand him the starting line and once you are closer, he will want to tell you how he misses you and your kisses. All you can do right now, is be outgoing, let him know you care about him and not be afraid to just let it all out there. Eventually, he will see that carefree side of you and feel comfortable to be himself. Try to relax and have fun when you are together; flirt! You are only two months in; it just takes a little time <3
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