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February 18, 2007Answers:
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March 2, 2010Visitors:
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advice
Hi,
Thanks soo much for your help/advice earlier. I actually had a talk with him last nite via msn... so Im going to paste it here for you to see and judge..
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
do you want to play 20 questions?
brown sugar says:
not really
how was your day
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
it was pretty good.. quite bz.. had all the managers come in from the diff branches for meetings all day
had to attend to them while I was there.. even though I left early.. had to do what I cude
mind if I give you a call now?
brown sugar says:
remember talking about taking it slow
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
ok.. can I ask you something seriously..
ok you want to take things slowly. I agree. but how are we going to get to know one another if we dont stay in contact.. tell me?
brown sugar says:
ok
you are acting really weird
if you were on a date with someone would you stay in contact with that person all the time
if you liked him
i want to know you
but you are acting obsesive
you can't talk this over
ok
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
im here
if you liked them you wud want to talk to them and get 2 know them as much as you can
brown sugar says:
ok, who is your babie
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
and plus we are cities away.. wudnt that make you want to talk more as to if we were close
oh its a line from a movie
see when you are close to someone aka same town you talk less. when you are far away from someone you want to talk to them more
brown sugar says:
remember you said the worst thing inthe world when we were together
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
yes i rem that
brown sugar says:
i still think about it
and the way you were talking this morning
you know what,lets end it
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
i just got a lil upset cause after you said dont worry well talk and then you dissapeared it felt like you didnt wanna know me
brown sugar says:
because you are the opposite lately that i knew and liked
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
no lets not end it
i agree we shud go slow..
brown sugar says:
when did i dissappear
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
i want 2 get to know you the rite way
not wrong way as i had been supposedly been doing lately
brown sugar says:
you are acting weird
u said you don't get attached
and you are
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
Im sorry for acing weird
but we used to talk alot and I miss our talks.. thats all
brown sugar says:
i miss it to but you got to remember, that you said that thing
its hard to forget
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
i do rem
brown sugar says:
im sorry, im trying to forget, but its hard
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
It’s not a big deal. It was just a question. You asked me that as well.
brown sugar says:
you upset me
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
I sorry for that, but you talked about it too.
and I want to make things works btw us..
so im gonn back off
brown sugar says:
i want to get to know you, but we have to take things slow
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
deal
brown sugar says:
i want to actually meet you
and see
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
i know me too.. and that will happen soon
brown sugar says:
and hang out with you
but it is up to you
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
ok
im backing off
if you need to contact me you can.. il always be here.. I just wont piss you off with calls and txt msgs etc..
brown sugar says:
why are you acting like this
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
what do you mean?
you said i was being weird and obsessive. so im not goint do that
:D
brown sugar says:
please don't do that
because its not appealing to anyone, unless they are desparent
im not
i want to get to know the person
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
so tell me.. what do you want me to do..
brown sugar says:
and you are saying the wrong things all the time for last past three days
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
brb i think im gonna throw up
hold on pls
brown sugar says:
why are you throwing up
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
k i back
brown sugar says:
another turn off
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
i ate something today
that didnt settle well in me tummy
now I feel sick
brown sugar says:
im sorry
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
sorry for what sweetie?
its not your faults its the food
brown sugar says:
for being sick
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
ohh ya.. no worries.. i'll be btr in a few days
no more chicken sandwich at mcdonalds.
brown sugar says:
listen, we have to get together, before our relationship grows
and if want this relationship to work, you have come here
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
y before?
brown sugar says:
because i am so confused about you
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
and with time.. sweetie.. you gotta know all you can about me first then we decide if I should come
neways... wat are your plans for tonite?
brown sugar says:
i am heading out
i have hockey
at 10
brown sugar says:
anyways i have to get ready
ttyl
Hey God! Will you keep my Baby safe?, Protect him from all harm, And give him strength and amazing grace,Tell him that I love him says:
okie... talk to u tomm?
cheers
Um... I assume his screen name is "Brown Sugar." If that's the case... Is it me or is he not making sense at all? He doesn't want to talk to you on the phone, and he's accusing you of acting weird and moving too fast... But he's all ready talking about meeting you? And why do you have to come to him?
I'm sticking to my original opinions. He's a flake and he isn't worth your time. Furthermore, I'm beginning to think that he just wants to get laid.
Why do I think that? It's the inconsistancy of his behavior. He says he wants to get to know you... But he doesn't seem to want to talk to you anymore. If he doesn't want to talk to you, what's he planning to do when the two of you meet?
As for this thing that you said that apparantly upset him so... Oh, come on. You said you wouldn't mind seeing a couple of gay guys together. Big deal. Don't YOU think HE'S being irrational about this whole thing? I mean, think of it this way...
At one point, one specific question was getting asked frequently on advicenators. This was the basic scenario: a girl would be on her boyfriend's computer for some reason. She wasn't snooping or anything, but she would stumble across pornography he had saved on his hard drive. She would find this disturbing simply for the fact that she didn't understand why he would have pictures or videos of naked women if he was satisfied with the sexual aspect of their relationship.
I had to explain frequently over and over again that it was normal for men to have pornography... And that this had nothing to do with their relationship. It didn't mean he didn't think she was attractive, or that he wasn't satisfied with her. It was simply a habit, and as long as it didn't effect their relationship I didn't consider it to be a problem.
How does this tie into what I'm saying? My point is that he has sexual fantasies of his own. Some of these fantasies might make you uncomfortable, but he would want you to accept him still and act in a rational manner about the situation, wouldn't he? So why is it that he can't do the same for you? Why is he making it such a big deal? It's not like you asked him to participate in a threesome. Or is he just that homophobic?
Anyway... Now that I'm done ranting, I'm going to tell you a story. Maybe you can learn something from my mistake...
About two years ago, I decided to try internet dating. I met this guy, let's call him John, on one dating website. After taking several compability tests, John and I start emailing each other. One day, John emails me his telephone number so I call him.
I think what set the tone for the entire conversation was the honest remark he made within five minutes of answering the phone. He stated that he was new to internet dating and he was finding it to be awkward and a little bit weird. I laughed and told him that I agreed. After that we were completely honest about everything... And we asked each other some pretty tough questions. Religion, politics, philosophy, morality, past relationships, disfunctional families... We talked about it all. We bared our souls to one another...
From the time we started talking until we met in person... He would call me every night and we would talk for hours... Usually somewhere between 2-4. I thought that I had this amazing mental connection with John, and that maybe he was different... Maybe I had found someone that I was compatible with and... Who knows? Maybe this could turn into a long-term relationship.
After about a week of staying up every night talking and falling asleep at work, John asked if we could meet. I said okay. He lived out of state but he was willing to make the drive just to take me to dinner.
When we met... Honestly, I have no idea what happened. He started acting kind of weird and I couldn't figure out why. After the date was over and we both went home, he called me to tell me that he had arrived safely. Something had changed. When I tried to discuss his feelings on the matter honestly, like I was so accustomed to doing with him, he told me that he thought I was acting like someone else on our date, that I was acting weird... Maybe we should take it slow, etc. (Sound familiar?)
After that... When I tried to call him he usually didn't answer the phone. Occassionally he would call me back, we'd talk for fifteen minutes, and then he would invent some lame excuse to end the conversation. I could tell that his feelings had changed and that he didn't want to talk about it, so I took the hint and stopped calling him.
Three months passed. I had a really difficult time getting over him. Part of the issue was that I had felt so close to him... And I didn't understand how he could just stop talking to me. Part of the issue was that I felt a little betrayed and very rejected. And part of the issue was that I had dated several men and out of the guys that I had dated, he was the only one that I was interested in and could have pictured myself having a relationship with.
But I was making progress. I was slowly forgetting about him. Then... One day three months later, my roomate and I were sitting in the living room watching television. I called a friend earlier and was waiting for her to call me back... My cellphone started to ring... And guess what? It was John.
Suddenly, everything that I had felt before, every hope that I had had came rushing back. I answered the phone and for the first time since we met each other in person, John and I talked just like we used to. At some point during the conversation, John asked me what I was doing that weekend.
I told him I didn't have any definite plans that weekend... And he asked if he could visit me. It wasn't necessarily a date. During the conversation he and I had established that we really missed talking to each other and agreed to "be friends." We were just going to hang out and he was going to stay at my apartment... And I was okay with that arrangement because I trusted him.
That weekend he drove over. He took me to dinner, and afterwards we went to a local bar to play a few games of pool. However, when we got there all the pool tables were occupied. We sat at a table in the pool room, waiting for one to become open... We have a few drinks, we start talking, and hours later realize that we had completely forgotten about playing pool at all. We decided to go back to my house and watch a movie.
We go back to my house and start watching the movie. I'm not going to give you all the gory details... But we ended up sleeping together. Big mistake. I knew it was a mistake even while I was letting it happen, but I kept telling myself that maybe this was my only chance to be with him.
The next morning we sleep in, wake up, piddle around my apartment for a few hours and then go to get something to eat. We come back to my apartment, watch the movie we were supposed to watch last night... And eventually, late in the afternoon, he leaves because I had a family function to attend.
I'm thinking that just because he wasn't speeding out of the driveway first thing in the morning... Maybe this is actually going to work out. Little did I know, that when I hugged him goodbye on my front porch that afternoon... That was the last time I was ever going to see him.
I tried calling him once or twice after that. He either wouldn't answer the phone, or he'd call me back just to talk for fifteen minutes and then invent some lame excuse to hang up. Again, I took the hint and stopped calling. I never heard from him again.
The whole point of that lengthy story was to illustrate what inconsistant behavior looks like, and to warn you about what can happen... Even when you think that he only has the best of intentions.
I can't give you anymore advice than I have all ready given you. I still stick to my original opinions. I think he's a flake, and he's a waste of your time. I wouldn't suggest pursuing him, but if you do... Be cautious. Remember the rules of internet dating...
1.) Do not give him personal information. Cellphone numbers are okay because their difficult to track, but don't give him a landline number or your address.
2.) If you meet, meet in a public place. Take your own car and insist upon driving yourself even if you have dinner and later decide to see a movie. Try to avoid being alone with him in a car.
3.) If you must stay overnight, make sleeping arrangements at a hotel. Don't tell him where you are staying or your room number. If his intentions are noble he doesn't need this information.
4.) Tell someone where you are going and who you are going to be with. Also give them an estimated time of when you will return. Leave your cellphone on incase they need to get in touch with you, and leave them with his cellphone number... Just in case. If you're plans change and your estimated time of return changes as well, call that person and let them know what's going on.
To some people, these rules might seem excessive. But you have to remember the corny old addage, "Better safe than sorry." It's true, trust me. You might worry about what he has to say if you refuse to get in a car with him or tell him where you are staying. Just be honest. Remind him that the world is a dangerous place and that your responsibility as a modern woman is to take care of yourself. Trust me, if he cares about you at all, he'll respect that... And you.
Best of luck, dear. ;) (Sorry this was sooooo long.)
let me start from the beginning.. Okay here goes.. Ive been talking to this guy for almost a week now.. Met him online on a wedding portal site. Neways we talked for 3-4 days.. and things went well. talked wee into the nite.. for hours.. at a time, then.. we played a game called 20 questions.. then suddenly we got to the topic of gays.. and I had mentioned that it would be awesome seeing a gay guy with another gay guy.. that just totally turned himoff.. and he got disguste3d by that and hung up on me.. and sent a txt msg saying Idont want 2 continue this. i Havent spoken to him until day before yesterday and he told me dont worry about it.. I was wrong to be upset over this.. and I apologized as well. then I didnt hear anything from him yesterday no call no nothing. so I grilled him today on it.. saying I don't understand whats going on.. nor can I read your mind.. since your into be honest with me y cant you be str8 up with me and tell me.. I dont want to say anything that will make the situation worse.. aparently it did and he said you are actng weird.. ur not the same girl that I have grown to like alot. Then I said I am the same person.. and then I told a lie and said that I was having issues at home thats y I was all bent out of shape like that at you. He said you shouldn't take it out on the person ur getting to know etc..and I said your rite Im sorry.. He said you need to really slow down. I said and how do I do that? he said we'll see.. talk to you later.. and then he said he had to go to a meeting.. that was earlier today.. what do you suggest I do or not do? any comments/advice.. Ineed help im crazy about him and don't want to lose him..
First... I had a lot of trouble writing a response. Why? Because I understand how you feel. I have been in a similiar situation before. Actually... More than once. I don't want to sound harsh... And I apologize if I do.
These are the opinions that I have formed after reading what you have written... He sounds like a flake. I think his behavior proves that his acceptance and honesty are purely conditional. That doesn't work in a relationship. It also sounds like "he's just not that into you." If he was "into you" I don't think his behavior would have changed so drasticly.
And in my opinion... I don't think you've done anything wrong, or that there is anything wrong with you. You were honest. And if he can't appreciate that, he clearly doesn't realize how special you are and doesn't deserve you in the first place.
My advice: don't bother with this guy. He sounds like a monumental waste of your time.
However... If you're still bent on pursuing him... First, put the situation into the proper perspective. (I.E. You don't really know him, you're not dating him but trying to get to know him better... And there is a chance that this might not work out, which is not a bad thing. Either way, you deserve total acceptance and you are going to find it. Whether you find it in him or in someone else.)
Second, don't stop being yourself. You were right when you said that you were the same person as before. Continue to be honest. Don't be afraid to speak your mind, and don't be afraid to make the situation worse. If he can't handle the truth, he can't handle you.
Third, give him (and yourself) some space. Let him come to you and don't press him for answers he's not ready to give. And remember... You've got better things to do than sit by the phone and wait for him to call. Don't put your life on hold no matter how much you like this guy. You owe that to yourself.
And last but not least... Buy a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You," by Greg and Liz. It is the single woman's dating bible. It may sound silly... But you will be so glad that you read it. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of your interactions with the opposite sex.
Like I said, those are only my opinions and suggestions. Again... I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. I just want you to remember that you are a beautiful person and that you deserve a man that appreciates your beauty. I promise, you won't be single forever. ;)
15 (almost 16 =]]) and female..
recently i've been like wanting to do bad stuff. its really weird. but first lemme tell you aboutmyself. i've never kissed a boy or done anything with besides hug. i've never smoked pot, cigarrets, or draken beer. but then recently i've had like this weird wanting feeling? like i want to just like walk up to a guy and make out with him and do crap. but i really want my first kiss to be special but the older i get i worry its not gunna happen so i should just forget about it and just mess around with boys and have fun. and i've never had a bf so i've always been single and noothing good had come out of it. and then like my father smokes and i hate it. but i wanna smoke and i don't understand why. and then like i really wanna know what its like to get high and shit. but i KNOW i don't wanna do that but for some reason feel like i want to. same thing with drinkin i really wanna go out and just get wasted. and ugh idk why. can anyone help me. idk what to do i want this "wanting" feel to go away case i wanna be a good person.
thanks for reading
The truth is that everyone experiences what you are experiencing right now.
During puberty your body and personality starts to change rapidly. Part of what you're experiencing-sexual curiousity-is caused by a hormone caused testosterone. Right now your body is producing a lot of that hormone. Another part of what you're experiencing is human curiosity... Which is a big part of your psychological development. Your going to start asking yourself a lot of questions... And that's okay. It's part of the process of discovering who you are. Sometimes it's not enough to be told not to do something. For most of us... We have to experience things ourselves and make our own mistakes. That's just part of growing up.
I'm not suggesting that you do any of these things, I'm trying to explain your inclination to behave a particular way and assure you that it's normal. I think that you should stick to your values... Because you are at a stage in your life when you are going to start realizing just how necessary values are.
And BTW, don't worry about being sixteen and not having a boyfriend. Or being kissed yet. This is more common than you think, and I can tell you with certainty that you aren't going to be single forever. Infact... I think it's a good thing that you aren't distracted by a boyfriend right now. This is the time of your life to discover who you are, decide who you want to be, and pursue your dreams. Take this opportunity, don't try to grow up to fast, enjoy the here and the now. ;)
I eat so much and i'm hungry alllott. I'm skinny though and I don't know why i'm always so hungry!
What could be the cause of it. I know I don't have those worm things that eat the food out of you or whatever. I want to know what could be making me so hungry.
Not only could it be that you are experiencing a growth spurt, your body may have a very high metabolism. What is a metabolism? Imagine your body is a machine, and that food is fuel your body needs to continue to operate. Your body is just burning fuel faster than others. There's nothing wrong with that either. Everyone is different, some people just have higher metabolisms than others.
My dad died in febuary and he was a drug addict but really trying to quit before he died, he never wanted me to turn to drugs but I did
And I did before he passed.
and one time I was about to do drugs and I was walking down the hall to the bathroom and my dads ghost appeared and started walking towards me and he gave me this face like kinda sad because he didn't want me to do those things.
I fell on the floor crying my eyes out and I feel so bad about everything and how I still didn't stop after that happened.
Maybe I just didn't know exactly what it meant at the time
Because me and my dad were so close some lady said if he would appear to anyone it would be me and he did.
I've been thinking about this a lot and I just really don't want to disappoint him.
I don't really know what to ask but what do you think of this?
If you're asking whether or not you saw his ghost... I don't KNOW and neither does anyone else. We all need to remember that there are phenomenon in the universe that we can not explain or rationalize, simply because our perception of reality is limited.
And you know what? I don't think it matters whether or not you actually saw his ghost. The bottom line is that you know how your father felt about drugs. He knew that addiction was dangerous, and he didn't want you to endanger yourself as he did. At the same time, I don't think he would want you to feel guilty either... Or that he felt disappointed in you. Because from what you have said, I can assume that he loved you, and was very proud of you.
I think that if you are going to worry about anything... Worry about doing what your father would have wanted you to do... Quit. If you need help there are million places for you to go. Ask your physician for help.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. ;)
I can't look at myself properly.
Like I hear how skinny I am from my mother, and such, but when I look in the mirror I swear I just see thunder theighs.
So for about a month, I've been exercising and eating healthy.
I lost 6 pounds.
So I'm roughly 16/5'2 and 125 pounds.
I'm also starting to feel quilty about eating, anything. Like even carrots (14=30 cals)
I jsut want to lose weight.
So can you tell me a way to diet that is healthy.
I need to lose soem weight.
From the measurements that you've provided I can tell you that you are within range of your ideal body weight. You do NOT need to lose weight.
I commend you for eating healthy and exercising. However, I'm a little concerned about the fact that you are counting the calories in carrots. I think that your main problem is that you can not reconcile your own body image.
And I can understand why... I've always been thin. I've never weighed over 130 lbs during my life thus far. Yet... During my teenage years, I was convinced that I was fat. Part of this has to do with my body shape. I've always been very curvaceous. But you know what... My body shape is genetic. I could lose fifty pounds and still have flaring hips. You have to realize that YOUR body has a shape of it's own and that no matter how much you weigh you can't change that.
The other part of my problem was that I kept comparing myself to everyone else. To the models in magazines, to my friends that hadn't started maturing yet... That's not only unhealthy, but it's unrealistic.
So... Bottom line: continue to eat healthy and exercise. But don't be afraid to eat. You need to eat. Practice looking in the mirror and saying, "You're beautiful"... Because you are. ;)
Hi. I'm 21/f.
So there's this kid, Chris, who used to like me a lot. We hung out a few times when me & my boyfriend, Dave, were on a break. I'm not going to lie, I've flirted with him a little as well & maybe even led him on. However, I told him that even though Dave & I aren't officially together, we basically are since we do everything bf & gf's do & that were in love with each other. Chris knew all about Dave (we were friends when Dave & I started going out at 16) but still had deep feelings for me. It got to the point where I felt he was way too attached to me. Once I realized how much he really liked me, I backed off. I was turned off too. It was good timing because he had to go back to college.
Soon after, me & Dave got back together. Chris & I still talked online so I let him know that were official again. He was heart broken, I can tell. After that we hardly spoke online but now he's back from college on summer break & he wants to hang out with me again. He seems flirtatious towards me & seems really pressed to hang out with me. He tells me I'm beautiful & sexy & I don't know why because he knows Dave & I are still a couple.
He's a friend but I'm afraid if I hang out with him he's going to feel feelings for me again & I don't want to hurt him. I even think it may not be a good idea to hang out with a guy who has feelings for me when I have a boyfriend. I'd feel wrong..
(Btw, these two guys know each other.)
So I need advice. He really wants to chill with me. What should I do? I don't want my bf to know & I'm not going to go behind his back either. (And even if I did hang out with Chris & I told Dave, I don't want Dee to think its okay to hang out with girls who want to be with him.) How do I avoid hanging with Chris? What do I say to him? How can I not hurt him again?
Thanks, any advice is appreciated.
I agree with Rahzie.
You don't feel comfortable spending time alone with him. That's okay. You should be honest with him. And that's okay. You can be gentle, but you'll probably hurt his feelings. I don't think it can be avoided. But don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone experiences rejection in their lifetime, everyone overcomes the pain, everyone moves on. He's going to be okay.
what is the best way to stop all the oil production on my face? i have acne but its not terrible but my pores are huge and my skin is constantly oily..i also have scares and would like something that would make my skin not oily and clear my scars and acne. what is the best thing to buy, or the best thing to eat or ANYTHING thatll stop it?
Contrary to popular belief, what you eat effects your skin very little. Unless we are talking about a serious allergic reaction or an extremely poor diet.
The scars may seem like an issue now... But trust me, they will fade. And it won't take very long if your young, either... Because you tend to regenerate skin cells more quickly during your younger years. I used to have very bad acne and very bad scarring... Since then most of my scars have practically disappeared.
I would visit a dermatologist. You may not want to visit a doctor, you may think it's expensive... But really, it's not. The sooner you see a dermatologist the less money you will spend on products that do not work. A dermatologist can look at your skin and tell you what you should be using and prescribe medication that's a lot more powerful than anything you can buy on the market. And if you ask for a generic brand, which is just as good as anything name brand, it's also a LOT cheaper. For example, my dermatologist told me to wash my face with Cetaphil (which you can get at the grocery store and costs about $8.00 for a huge bottle that will last you for months) prescribed two creams that combined cost me about $15.00 out of pocket.
There are also a lot of products out there to reduce the appearance of scars. While you're at the dermatologist, you may want to ask which one he thinks is best.
(we're both 16) my boyfriend, who i have been with for nearly a year, has a mother who is very verryy sick. she has lived in a nursing home for the past few years, and lately, i just don't know what to do- this morning he got really upset, and hysterically crying because "it's not fair" and "why'd it have to happen to her" see, she has diabetes... and didn't take her medecine when she was younger, and therefore suffers from kidney, liver, and all other kinds of complications. she only has one leg, and on the other one, doesn't have a foot- they needed to be amputated for reasons that i'm not really sure of- bad blood clots or something. but the thing is, she absolutely HATES living in there and we need to know what we can do to make it better for her. i had the idea of bringing posters and decorations into her room to brighten it up, she used to be a florist so i wanted to bring her flowers... and also, just come see her alot more. she's a half an hour away from both of us, so we can't really go see her as much as we'd like... but i went to see her today and i brought her a blanket that i made her with a pocket in it for her bed remote thing... and she was happy about that... we also brought her a milkshake and food and stuff... but does anyone else have any ideas of things we could do? i can't do that much since i'm just a 16 year old girl with no job or liscense... but my boyfriend gets his tuesday... and soon after he'll probably get a job. by the way, she's the only one in there and she's surrounded by crazy people. i feel so bad about that too cause she's so nice and she's 100% sane... but the majority of the other people there have alzheimers, or are just plain senial. i couldn't imagine being completely coherent and living among people like that. so, if anyone has any advice, input, or ideas, it's all greatly welcome =) THANKS!! ♥
I'm so sorry. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers...
From what you've said... It sounds to me like she's probably very lonely. She's probably still fairly young, and to be surrounded by much older men and women that really do not possess their mind anymore... She probably feels like there is no one to talk to. So... While you may not be able to visit her as much as you would like, there is still a lot you can do. I'd try asking the hospital if she's allowed to accept phone calls and what time would be appropriate to call. That way, if you can't see her every day, at least you can call her and talk to her for a while. Sometimes just hearing the voice of someone who cares about you can take the lonliness away, even if it's just for a moment.
One thing that I think of when I hear about her situation is... She must be terribly bored. She probably spends most of her day laying in a bed and watching television. Try thinking of things that she can do while she's in the bed... Like reading for example... Ask her if she likes to read and what kind of books. Volunteer to go to the library for her. (The great thing about the library is that it's free.) And what about arts and crafts? Like knitting, crocheting, scrap-booking, making jewelry... This also might be more fun if you participate in these projects with her. Does she have a VCR or DVD player in her room? While she's still be staring at the tube, maybe seeing some of her favorite movies would get her mind off things for a while. And while this is really expensive... Maybe after your boyfriend has had a job for a while he might think about buying her a computer? Then there are computer games she could play... Or have the internet at her fingertips! There are lots of things she could be doing instead of lying in bed... Just try to think of some hobbies she might be interested in starting.
As for decorating her room... I think that's a great idea. Since she used to be a florist, and flowers are kind of expensive... Maybe you could find posters and pictures that display pictures of flowers? Also... Since you don't have a lot of money to spend, have you thought about making the decorations? Then when she looks at it, not only does she see something pretty but she can think, "Someone that cares about me made that just for me."
I hope that she starts to feel better. If you have more questions or maybe just need to bounce an idea off of someone... You know where to find me! Many blessings. ;)
this is most likely in the wrong category, sorry.
13/f
alright so i have like a lot of redness around my nose. it won't go away. it's been there for over a year. i have tried EVERYTHING. acne wash, hydrocortizone cream, washing it, lotion, everything. it will not go away! i have to put cover-up around my nose everyday & by the middle of the day, it's visible again. i don't know what it is. i don't think it's acne because there's no like zits on it. but it's really embarassing. here's a couple of pictures of me. look around my nose. you'll see it.
http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u173/xlaura054/me.jpg
http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u173/xlaura054/meeeeeeeeeeee.jpg
http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u173/xlaura054/iamsexy.jpg
please, does anyone know what will make it go away forever? thank you sooooo much.
It could be Eczemia. (Probably didn't spell that right.) What is that? It's a minor disease of the skin that can cause a lot of redness, especially around the nose area.
Don't panic! Whatever it is it's not a big deal. You should go see a dermatologist. A dermatologist can tell you what it is, and how to treat it.
so i went to a concert yesterday (im 13) with my cousin and his friends (sophomores) and well my cousin kept ignoring me like he would take pics of him and his friends and leave me out and like walk with his friends and leave me behind and stuff. I mean i get that hes in high school and wants to hang out with his friends but completely excluding me is ridiculus! so now im in NONE of the concert pictures and the thing is, his friends are having a surprise party for him and they invited me but i dont know any of them and i know i will barely get to talk to my cousin so should i go or not because i see him so much its not even funny. and he ALWAYS makes fun of me calling me fat and ugly and at the concert in front of all of his friends he was like, "wow you're a mess! look at your face! Your hair is a mess!" i mean he puts me down and i get all sad about it but i always have this urge to be near him. so i think i want to take some time off of him is that a good idea? and should i go to the party or not?
I understand that your cousin is in high school and probably doesn't think it's "cool" to have his younger cousin tagging along. And maybe that's why he ignores you, and maybe that's why when he does pay attention to you it's only to put you down. While I understand that such behavior is very hurtful to you, try to understand that he probably doesn't mean to cause you so much pain. He's being inconsiderate and downright mean... And I don't think any reason he has could possibly justify such behavior... But he's a teenager. Unfortunately, adolescence causes you to do things you know are stupid.
Don't feel obligated to attend his surprise party. If you know that he's just going to ignore you and be mean to you, and that you're going to be miserable... Maybe your time would be better spent elsewhere. If I were you I would tell his friends, "Thanks for the invitation, but I can't make it." Maybe give him a call later to wish him a happy birthday. Please don't ever feel obligated to be around someone that causes you to feel bad about yourself, no matter who they are. Love your family, but don't let them wound your self-esteem.
I think I have a problem with trust. I trust my boyfriend totally & we have been dating for awhile, but there's always the issue with other girls that come up. It isn't like he did something wrong with them that I have a trust issue, I just always have. There's always 200 stories how people get cheated on [most of them are girls] & how guys sometimes can't control themselves. I'm not sure what to do about it. I think its almost normal for me to feel this way because a lot of my friends have been cheated on & there's always those "when your bf goes off to college stories". How can I avoid feeling this way? I don't think its my fault, I think its natural or isn't it? I don't think its his fault either. He can have friends that are girls, I don't mind, but I don't trust them whatsoever. I think that's another issue. I do not trust girls. I've been around them a lot from school & I only can trust my good friends. Any ideas? Thanks!
First of all... While I think everyone struggles at some point in their lives with trust issues... I also think this is a obstacle in life that everyone needs to overcome.
No relationship... Whether it's the relationship existing between family members, friends, or lovers... Can survive without trust. And our past experiences often effect how we think. What I'm trying to say is... Is there someone, maybe not a boyfriend, that has betrayed your trust in the past and really hurt you? If so, maybe it's not the stories that you've heard that's making you paranoid, maybe it's feelings you still have that people can't be trusted.
And as for whether or not girls or even guys can be trusted... Whether or not a person can or can't be trusted should be based on an individual basis. YOU have to get to know that person and YOU have to assess their character and decide whether or not you think they are trustworthy.
Don't let stories of cheating scare you. (Or stories about college.) Because there are a lot of people that DON'T cheat... And there are a lot of people that don't get wild and crazy in college. The difference between the guys that do cheat and don't cheat... I think is fairly simple.
My first boyfriend, most likely cheated on me. Why do I think he did it? Not because he couldn't control himself. The idea that men can not control themselves in certain situations is a lie. They know what their doing and they make a decision to either do it or not do it. Why do I think my ex cheated on me? Because while he often said the words, "I love you," he didn't mean it. This was evident by his actions. He never treated me the way a girl should be treated when her boyfriend loves her.
Years later... I'm in another relationship. Do I trust him? Absolutely. Not because I know where he is every moment of the day or who he is with... But because I know he loves me. I know he loves me because his actions line up with the words perfectly. He doesn't just say that he loves me, he SHOWS me that he loves me. I know he would never do anything to jeapordize our relationship or intentionally hurt me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is... If your boyfriend really cares about you, you'll know. And if you know that he does, you should know that he won't do anything to betray your trust. Because when one person loves another... While they may hurt them sometimes... They never WANT to. And when they do hurt you... That's just a part of being in a relationship. You work through it. All relationships encounter problems, and the difference between a relationship that survives and a relationship that doesn't... Is how committed both people are to WORKING out the problems they are bound to encounter.
So... Trust him. And don't be afraid. Especially not of the stories you've heard.
And as for whether or not you can trust girls... Like with all people, there are some you can't trust and some you can trust. You just have to use your judgement.
Don't worry. You're going to be okay. ;)
Well one time I was wokring on my project so hard that I skipped lunch. The day after, I wasn't even hungry at lunch time anymore and no matter how hard I try to eat, my tummy won't let me.
I just don't feel hungry anymore, i feel so full all the time and now it takes me an hour to eat my dinner.
Something wrong?
I agree with the others. It doesn't sound like anorexia to me. The thing that you have to remember about anorexia is that it's largely psychological. You THINK you're fat, you THINK you have to starve yourself, and that's why you deliberately avoid eating most of the time. You're trying to eat, even though you don't want to, so I don't think you've developed some kind of eating disorder.
It sounds like you're suffering from some type of loss of appetite. Are you taking any medication? If you are, you might want to check out the side effects. Loss of appetite is a common side effect caused by medication, because something in the medication can act as an appetite supressant, causing your body to sometimes feel like it isn't hungry. Are you experiencing a lot of stress? Stress can also suppress your appetite, as well as depression.
As far as the solution goes... I agree with the others as well. Try to keep eating and go see a doctor.
I'm completely fed up- I made it clear to this one guy that I'd been dating that I was really busy and was going to move out soon, etc., etc. I did not ever tell him that I wanted to stop dating, but it should be clear due to these signs:
-He called 3x in one day, I didn't return his calls.
-He calls and leaves a message sometimes, asking me to go hang out with him somewhere..and again, I DON'T call back.
Today, he left a message saying something like this:
..it's a nice day, let's go to the beach after class. I'm a little worried, you haven't called me in a week.
Yes, I haven't called him in a week. When I did, it was only to say i was too busy. POINT BLANK>
HE does NOT get the point! He seems to be so desperate that he'll continuously call me, even when I never call him back. It's been this way for a while now, and I'm really getting fed up.
What to do??
First, I would like to point out that you're communicating in the "language of hints." Bad idea. Why? Hints can me misinterpreted, go unnoticed, ignored, and sometimes... Completely denied. It sounds like this guy is in denial.
The only way to obliterate the denial is to be direct. I'm not telling you to be mean, I'm telling you to be honest. And honestly, I don't think "too busy" is an excuse. I think that you're "just not into him," and you need to say so. (But maybe not in those words.)
Yes, it will be hard. Yes, you will hurt his feelings. But everyone experiences rejection. Everyone experiences it and gets over it and later moves on. He'll get over it, and he'll move on.
19 f
ok so i went on a date with this really nice guy the other night. weve been talking to each other and everything has just really clicked. Well i wound up spending the night at his house. We didnt do anything really just made out and stuff. I then slept in the guestroom. WEll my bestfriend wasnt happy about it. She had already told me that it was still to soon to do that. While i agree with where she was coming from in regards to that i also wanted to make my own decisions on this. I chose to spend the night and it was one of the best night of my life. I just want to know what i can say to her that will tell her i really respect your opinion but at the same time you cant be mad at me for what my decision is. I value our friendship alot and i dont want to say anything that will jeperodize it. Thanks for listening.
I think that what you just said sounded pretty good. So... Tell her how you feel. Start with something positive like... "You're my friend and I value your frienship. And I want you to know that I respect your opinion." Then tell her how you feel, "But I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions." Then make your request, "I would appreciate your support. Or for us to be able to at least agree to disagree and continue to be friends."
There is a chance that she will be mad. But that too is not your fault. You have a valid point and a valid request. If she can't respect that then maybe she wasn't such a great friend after all. I know it doesn't count for much from a stranger, and that you are afraid of losing her friendship... But sometimes you're truly better off without some people. She can't live your life for you, and it sounds like that is what she's trying to do.
I hope that she listens and that the two of you continue to be friends. Good luck. ;)
This might be long...22, F: I've been going out (sort of) with this guy for a couple months now. I knew I wasn't all that interested in him, and saw things in him that I could not deal with long term-- he's too self-conscious, gets excited too easily, too caught up in his own opinion of things..etc. To sum it up, I realized he's not my type. I'm not high maintenence, but there were things I have felt uneasy about early on, and now I don't even have interest in him. I'm also moving back home after I graduate, which is in a month and half. I told him about it. Right now, I'm super busy with my classes- he called me 3 times in one day while I was in the library, and asked to go hang out, even when he knows I have no life right now and don't have the time. To be honest, I don't even care anymore and haven't called him back. He should get the point...
but anyway, a) am I being too hard on myself, and b) is this the right way to send someone the message that Im not into them anymore?
There's no real reason for us to even continue anything, unless all he wants is piece of ass, which he WON'T be getting from me! :P
Okay... Despite what anyone tells you... Everyone dates someone they're "just not into" at least once in their lifetime and lets it get a little out of hand. Reasons vary. It doesn't necessarily justify this behavior, but if anyone calls you nasty names they're a hypocrite or will be one shortly. Don't beat yourself up about it.
The problem with the way you've decided to convey the message... You're communicating in the language of "hints." Not a good idea. Even the brightest of the bunch can miss a hint, ignore it completely... Or more often than anything else, deny it completely. My opinion is... Tell him the truth and be direct. You don't have to be mean. You could just say something like, "You're a really great guy, I like you, and I'm flattered by your attention... But I don't think we're going to work. I don't think our personalities are compatible. Furthermore, I'm moving soon and I really don't want to pursue a long distance relationship. I don't think we shouldn't see each other anymore."
Yes, he'll probably be disappointed and a little hurt. But we all experience rejection. He'll get over it, he'll move on, it'll be okay.
Ok well i think i might be depressed but i don't know?
I was looking back on old pictures and i used to always be so happy and peppy. And now i'm just not
I'm only 14 so can i be depressed?
I don't know i'm kinda confused and my mom and i arn't close. And i have no other adult to really get me help or whatever? idk what to do.
You can suffer from clinical depression at any age.
I would like to mention that it is normal for young men and women to experience mild depression during adolescence. Why? Because it is a very stressful for time for you. Not only is your body changing rapidly... But so is your personality. Your establishing your sense of identity and discovering yourself. This process is often confusing and difficult. Add to the confusion the pressure that teenagers experience in this day and age... Questions about drugs and sex, pressure from family and teachers to do well in school, peer pressure from friends and fellow students to "be cool" and "fit in"... How could you NOT be blue sometimes?
The differenece between the "teenage blues" and clinical depression is often hard to discern. I'll list some symptoms of depression...
1.) You have trouble sleeping. You can experience insomnia which doesn't just mean that you have a hard time falling asleep at night... But also could means that you wake during the night and can't go back to sleep. Or... Instead of having trouble sleeping, you might sleep too much. Are you always tired? Do you have problems getting out of bed in the morning?
2.) Abnormal eating habits. Could either be a loss of appetite or binging.
3.) Anxiousness. Do you worry more than you should? Do you worry about things that you shouldn't worry about at all?
4.) Inability to focus or concentrate. Do you have a hard time comprehending what you read... Or do you have a difficult time following programs that you watch on television? Is it difficult for you to think?
5.) Emotional numbness... Is it difficult to derive pleasure from activities that you used to enjoy? Or for that matter, derive pleasure from anything at all? Is it difficult for you to get excited about anything? Are you unable to experience any type of emotional response during an extremely positive or negative situation?
6.) Afflicted memory. Do you have a problem keeping a train of thought? Do you often forget what you are doing or where you are?
7.) Persistant thoughts about death or dying. (If you are even considering suicide, stop reading this and run to your nearest doctor.)
These are only some of the symptoms. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms it is very possible that you do suffer from clinical depression.
Whether or not you are just suffering from a case of the blues or it is something more serious... I would suggest talking to someone that can help you. You don't have to talk to your mother if you don't feel comfortable... But there are other adults that can help you that you have probably not considered. A doctor, even your family physician, a teacher, a guidance counselor... Seek out someone and tell them what's going on. Even if it's nothing to worry about, knowing that there's someone that you can discuss your problems with will make you feel better.
And... If you have any questions feel free to leave a message in my inbox. My internet connection has been finicky lately... But I'll get back to you as soon as I can. ;)
im about 5'2 and about 97 pounds, ive gotten pubic hair, armpit hair, discharge, boobs, ive gained TONS of weight, my hips grew. BUT WHERE THE FUKS MY PERIOD! dont tell me you dnt want to look forward to it! i kno! i just want to know why girls who weigh much less and are shorter, and less developed are getting there period. I was told that when you work out a lot you dont get your period, or it comes later, im on a track team, thats really intense, and is it that?? please i dnt want people telling me to be patient, i want someone who can actually answer who KNOWS for sure what there saying...quite possibly an adult, or someone older. becasue i HATE IT when people say dnt worry youll want to wait, itll take time, be patient, your just a late bloomer, whatever! I MIGHT BE!! but Y are people getting it SOOO fast.. i started growing all the stuff that i ahve a really long time a go, and just resently i got heavier and my hips grew[[few months ago]] but i have a frend who just got her period and she barely even has boobs !!!! she NEVER works outs, so should i stop working out, y are pepole getting it so early, and y have i had ALMOST all of the symtems of your period INCLUDING MIGRANES HEADACHES AND CRAMPS!!! for soooo LONG! educated answers please.
thanx in addvance, o and i really would like to know soooooon!
Yes... Because you exert yourself physically on a regular basis; that could be why you haven't started your period yet. This is fairly normal and happens frequently.
If it makes you feel any better... I think my body had fully matured by the age of ten. I was five foot and two inches tall (the same height I am now) 110 pounds (the same weight) and had lost my baby fat, gained breasts and a set of hips. Yet I didn't start my period until two years later... Another year passed before I had my period again. (Again, also very normal.)
No one can tell you for sure what's going on, simply because everyones body is different. If you're really disturbed, you could try asking a doctor... That would be the best educated guess. I think it's probably because you're athletic... But it sounds like you could start soon if you're all ready experiencing the symptoms.
Female, 23
When i was at school i had a best friend, when we were about 12 she used to bully me and write nasty songs about me, but i used to take it because i didnt really have anyone else
That all stopped in about a year, but then i started to do the same to her when i was about 15 up until i was 17. I'd be horrible and bitchy alot of the time and write songs and draw horrible pictures of her.
I know it sounds like we werent friends but we actually were and would hang out all the time with our other mutual friends, it was when i was with these friends that i was at my bitchiest, when we were alone it was fine.
Anyway, it's now 8 years ago since we left school, it got ill and still am suffering with mental illnesses which started when i was 17, i was isoclated (i still am, but not a bad) and didnt have a future as far as i was concerned, or a present because i was pretty much bedbound for 3 years, so i just lived in the past, the past was all i thought about (i still do alot now but i'm learning to move forward and think about now and my future), It's in this time that i realised that i was such a horrible bully (i only bullied people that bullied me,i was bullied by tons of people at school, it wasnt like i picked on inocent victims).
I never realised at the time that i was a bully or i would have stopped but now i feel extremely guilty about it and it's really stressing me out and playing on my mind every single day and i'm dreaming about this girl too.
I want to know if it would be a good idea to write to her (if i can find out her address, i know her old phone number but thats it), and apologise for being so horrible to her. It was 8 years ago so i dont know if she would even care or if it would make a difference, but we were friends all way though secondry school so it must have had some impact on her.
I just want her to know that i'm truly sorry for what i did to her.
Do you think it would help, or help you if you had a letter of this kind?
I say... Write that letter. Whether she responds or not... You're not just doing this for her. You're doing this for you, to give yourself peace of mind. So... Say what you feel like you need to say. And after you do, realize that you have done all that you can to make amends. If she doesn't respond, it's her loss, not yours.
hey, i'm 14/f and in 9th grade. =] and this is my story.
i always seem to make really good friends then somehow distance from them, then I cant talk to them anymore and now everything is so awkward. this has happened 3 times but there's only 2 girls i want to be friends with again.
i used to be best friends with a girl (I'll call her "Ellie") in 2nd grade to 5th grade. Then, we kind of drifted..and now I really want to be friends with Ellie again, but I have NO idea how to go about it. We havent talked in like 4 years or the entire school year, but now we share a class and I know she notices me because we've made eye contact but neither of us says hi..which is kind of awkward
Don't worry. :D Your situation is actually a very common situation... Especially during the teenage years. During your teenage years, you're finding out who you are, changing rapidly... And friendships have a tendency to drift apart. Doesn't mean that you can't be friends again.
Why would you look like a loser if you walked up to them and said, "Hi!?" Because really... You're fear of doing this very thing is what is holding you back, and possibly holding them back as well. They've probably recognized you, but haven't said anything to you because they are just as afraid as you are. If you're both afraid to speak to each other, this is probably where most of the awkwardness stems from.
I suggest... Say hi and just be honest. You could walk up to one of them after class and just say, "Hey... I know we haven't talked in a while... I just wanted to ask how you are and maybe catch up." Give them your phone number... That way they can call you. Invite them to hang out.
You're probably afraid that if you talked to them or invited them to hang out, they might reject you. While there is a chance that they will, and would hurt if they did... Don't let that frighten you. Everyone rejects someone at one point in their lives, and everyone gets rejected at some point in their lives. If they reject you... It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. Move on... You'll make new friends... Maybe you shouldn't be friends with them anyway.
(BTW... Proof that saying "hi" works... I made friends with my cousin's best friend back when we were about 11. We were never very close, and when my cousin and my friend had a "falling out" I didn't see or hear from my friend at all for 2-3 years. Then one day, I was shopping at Wal-Mart and I saw him at the photo-booth. I just walked up to him and said hello... And we started talking and hanging out... Now we are very close and have lived together for the past 2 years. See. It works. ;D)