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i think he wants me but i can't let that happen
Hi. I'm 21/f.
So there's this kid, Chris, who used to like me a lot. We hung out a few times when me & my boyfriend, Dave, were on a break. I'm not going to lie, I've flirted with him a little as well & maybe even led him on. However, I told him that even though Dave & I aren't officially together, we basically are since we do everything bf & gf's do & that were in love with each other. Chris knew all about Dave (we were friends when Dave & I started going out at 16) but still had deep feelings for me. It got to the point where I felt he was way too attached to me. Once I realized how much he really liked me, I backed off. I was turned off too. It was good timing because he had to go back to college.
Soon after, me & Dave got back together. Chris & I still talked online so I let him know that were official again. He was heart broken, I can tell. After that we hardly spoke online but now he's back from college on summer break & he wants to hang out with me again. He seems flirtatious towards me & seems really pressed to hang out with me. He tells me I'm beautiful & sexy & I don't know why because he knows Dave & I are still a couple.
He's a friend but I'm afraid if I hang out with him he's going to feel feelings for me again & I don't want to hurt him. I even think it may not be a good idea to hang out with a guy who has feelings for me when I have a boyfriend. I'd feel wrong..
(Btw, these two guys know each other.)
So I need advice. He really wants to chill with me. What should I do? I don't want my bf to know & I'm not going to go behind his back either. (And even if I did hang out with Chris & I told Dave, I don't want Dee to think its okay to hang out with girls who want to be with him.) How do I avoid hanging with Chris? What do I say to him? How can I not hurt him again?
Thanks, any advice is appreciated.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
If you don't feel comfortable hanging out with him or seeing him again, then that's okay. I don't think there is a way to let him know how you feel without hurting his feelings, it's inevitable. But you should tell him so that he won't try anything on with you, he may think he could be in with a chance even though he knows your taken.
Plus if you tell him you'll feel a lot less stressed out about it all :)
Sarah
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I agree with Rahzie.
You don't feel comfortable spending time alone with him. That's okay. You should be honest with him. And that's okay. You can be gentle, but you'll probably hurt his feelings. I don't think it can be avoided. But don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone experiences rejection in their lifetime, everyone overcomes the pain, everyone moves on. He's going to be okay.
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The facts are pretty simple: You don't want to hang out with him.
That is going to hurt his feelings. Period.
But you have good reason, and I agree with you, you shouldn't hang out with him. Especailly if you wouldn't want your boyfriend doing the same thing.
Tell Chris straight up that you just don't feel comfortable and that's it. He might argue, but stick to your guns. You just don't feel right. Those are your feelings and they can't really be argued with, so don't back down.
He'll get over it.
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hmmmm this is a toughie. you just need to ask your friend to stop saying things that are inappropriate. maybe he thinks he stands a chance if you and your boyfriend arent official?
maybe he should hang out with both you and dave?
charming ashlie
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