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Not into HIM
This might be long...22, F: I've been going out (sort of) with this guy for a couple months now. I knew I wasn't all that interested in him, and saw things in him that I could not deal with long term-- he's too self-conscious, gets excited too easily, too caught up in his own opinion of things..etc. To sum it up, I realized he's not my type. I'm not high maintenence, but there were things I have felt uneasy about early on, and now I don't even have interest in him. I'm also moving back home after I graduate, which is in a month and half. I told him about it. Right now, I'm super busy with my classes- he called me 3 times in one day while I was in the library, and asked to go hang out, even when he knows I have no life right now and don't have the time. To be honest, I don't even care anymore and haven't called him back. He should get the point...
but anyway, a) am I being too hard on myself, and b) is this the right way to send someone the message that Im not into them anymore?
There's no real reason for us to even continue anything, unless all he wants is piece of ass, which he WON'T be getting from me! :P
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Okay... Despite what anyone tells you... Everyone dates someone they're "just not into" at least once in their lifetime and lets it get a little out of hand. Reasons vary. It doesn't necessarily justify this behavior, but if anyone calls you nasty names they're a hypocrite or will be one shortly. Don't beat yourself up about it.
The problem with the way you've decided to convey the message... You're communicating in the language of "hints." Not a good idea. Even the brightest of the bunch can miss a hint, ignore it completely... Or more often than anything else, deny it completely. My opinion is... Tell him the truth and be direct. You don't have to be mean. You could just say something like, "You're a really great guy, I like you, and I'm flattered by your attention... But I don't think we're going to work. I don't think our personalities are compatible. Furthermore, I'm moving soon and I really don't want to pursue a long distance relationship. I don't think we shouldn't see each other anymore."
Yes, he'll probably be disappointed and a little hurt. But we all experience rejection. He'll get over it, he'll move on, it'll be okay.
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Are you being hard on yourself at all? Yeah, you should feel a bit off about the fact you even let it get this far with a guy you knew you weren't into, but besides that, sounds like you know exactly what you are doing.
And No, this isn't the right way to send someone the message, even someone you've only been 'sort of' going out with. After a couple of months, he deserves a couple of minutes of your time to say simply and firmly that you are too busy for this right now and are just not interested in him. Yeah it's always messy and unpleasant, and with so much else on your mind I understand why you are avoiding it. Never the less, that would the right way to send him the message, clearly and honestly.
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