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A question about trust
I think I have a problem with trust. I trust my boyfriend totally & we have been dating for awhile, but there's always the issue with other girls that come up. It isn't like he did something wrong with them that I have a trust issue, I just always have. There's always 200 stories how people get cheated on [most of them are girls] & how guys sometimes can't control themselves. I'm not sure what to do about it. I think its almost normal for me to feel this way because a lot of my friends have been cheated on & there's always those "when your bf goes off to college stories". How can I avoid feeling this way? I don't think its my fault, I think its natural or isn't it? I don't think its his fault either. He can have friends that are girls, I don't mind, but I don't trust them whatsoever. I think that's another issue. I do not trust girls. I've been around them a lot from school & I only can trust my good friends. Any ideas? Thanks!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First of all... While I think everyone struggles at some point in their lives with trust issues... I also think this is a obstacle in life that everyone needs to overcome.
No relationship... Whether it's the relationship existing between family members, friends, or lovers... Can survive without trust. And our past experiences often effect how we think. What I'm trying to say is... Is there someone, maybe not a boyfriend, that has betrayed your trust in the past and really hurt you? If so, maybe it's not the stories that you've heard that's making you paranoid, maybe it's feelings you still have that people can't be trusted.
And as for whether or not girls or even guys can be trusted... Whether or not a person can or can't be trusted should be based on an individual basis. YOU have to get to know that person and YOU have to assess their character and decide whether or not you think they are trustworthy.
Don't let stories of cheating scare you. (Or stories about college.) Because there are a lot of people that DON'T cheat... And there are a lot of people that don't get wild and crazy in college. The difference between the guys that do cheat and don't cheat... I think is fairly simple.
My first boyfriend, most likely cheated on me. Why do I think he did it? Not because he couldn't control himself. The idea that men can not control themselves in certain situations is a lie. They know what their doing and they make a decision to either do it or not do it. Why do I think my ex cheated on me? Because while he often said the words, "I love you," he didn't mean it. This was evident by his actions. He never treated me the way a girl should be treated when her boyfriend loves her.
Years later... I'm in another relationship. Do I trust him? Absolutely. Not because I know where he is every moment of the day or who he is with... But because I know he loves me. I know he loves me because his actions line up with the words perfectly. He doesn't just say that he loves me, he SHOWS me that he loves me. I know he would never do anything to jeapordize our relationship or intentionally hurt me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is... If your boyfriend really cares about you, you'll know. And if you know that he does, you should know that he won't do anything to betray your trust. Because when one person loves another... While they may hurt them sometimes... They never WANT to. And when they do hurt you... That's just a part of being in a relationship. You work through it. All relationships encounter problems, and the difference between a relationship that survives and a relationship that doesn't... Is how committed both people are to WORKING out the problems they are bound to encounter.
So... Trust him. And don't be afraid. Especially not of the stories you've heard.
And as for whether or not you can trust girls... Like with all people, there are some you can't trust and some you can trust. You just have to use your judgement.
Don't worry. You're going to be okay. ;)
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