sizzlinmandolin's advice column | Page 49

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

USA

Age:

28

Member Since:

October 4, 2005

Answers:

2093

Last Update:

February 22, 2015

Visitors:

130043

Favorite Columnists

advicenator_admin

Main Categories:

about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

What are some bras that are very well padded and/or are push-up bras?

I'm a 34A and I'd like something that really enhances my bust size and cleavage.

I'm the same size as you and I found a bra that looks really good. It's rather expensive ($40), but it's a nice one to have. I got mine from eBay for about $30. It really does add a full cup size. :)

Body by Victoria®
Padded demi bra
Seamless lingerie in soft, high-tech microfiber. ADDS A FULL CUP SIZE to your shape without losing its seamless, modern look. Underwire cups, adjustable straps, back closure. Imported nylon/Lycra® spandex.

http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/application/prodDisplay/?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=XG-154237&page=1&cgname=OSBRPBBVBRA&rfnbr=10

I am 23 years old and starting college for the first time in January. For the past 3 years I've been on again-off again working (currently unemployed) and living with a boyfriend who financially supported me. now we've seperated and I've moved back in with my parents. very hard adjusting, as you can imagine. worse, i had to leave my old car to him, he never had his own, so he could get to work. anyway, i need student loans desperately and I'm running out of time. i need about 2500 dollars total, my parents just can't do it. they could co-sign, but i have a sister who's going to need that too, so its a difficult situation. what can i do???

Student loans aren't hard to pay back. I'm currently taking out a lot of them. The cosigner is only there "just in case" to give the lender a little extra security since you probably don't have established credit yet. The lender has no way of telling if you are a responsible person that is going to make your payments in the future, which I'm sure you are. If your parents are willing to cosign for a student loan for you, don't feel bad having them do it. The chances of it being a problem for them in the future are VERY small. You'll be able to make the payments easily after you get out of college as long as you get a job of some sort.

You could try applying without a cosigner first. You probably wouldn't get very good interest rates and you might end up being required to have someone cosign, but there's no harm in looking into it.

You can apply for a student loan right on this website. It's very straightforward. http://www.studentloan.citibank.com/

Good luck! :)

Hi.
I was the one who asked this question:

"What does it mean when someone says, 'Jesus can't play music while nailed to a cross.'?"

Anyways, since you're the only decent one who tryed to answer my question, I figured I'd just personally message you. =)

I saw it on a girl who is agnostic. She had a tattoo of an upside down cross, with those words underneith. I know what an upside down cross means. There's not much more to it, I just really wanted to know what it meant.

Thanks so much if you can help in any way. =)

I've been thinking about this a lot. I came up with a few ideas. There are many, many forms of agnosticism. If she's agnostic she probably doesn't believe in organized religion. Assuming that she doesn't believe in Jesus or, like a Jewish person, believes that Jesus may have been a real person, but wasn't the son of God, she is more or less mocking organized religion. My guess is that the purpose of the tatoo is to get attention. Any Christian that saw it would either be angry, upset, or confused. The upside down cross has a controversial meaning. The phrase is also confusing and could mean any number of things. If she wanted to get a point across she would have made it clearer. She probably saw the phrase someplace and thought it sounded cool. My guess is that SHE doesn't even really know what it means. There's a meaning behind it, her agnosticism, but I doubt that it has a specific meaning. It sounds like it could also have some kind of emo or gothic roots. Music, pain...she could be mocking or supporting either of those lifestyles with her tatoo. Lots of kids try writing songs or playing guitar to release their pain. It's either sympathy for Jesus, questioning of His power, saying hey, Jesus is just human, or mocking organized religion in some way. In other words, it's basically just rebellious. If there's meaning behind it, her rebellious attitude by getting something like that matters much more and serves as a much better explanation than even she can probably give.

I made a new friend this year. We've became very close but she's a Jahovah's Witness (I hope I'm spelling this right). If y'all don't know, they are Christians but don't *celebrate* christmas. So, would it be inappropriate of me to get her a christmas gift?

It could go either way. I think that you should talk to her about it. Different families will handle something like this differently. The present doesn't have to be a surprise. In this case it would be better if it wasn't. Tell her that you understand that she doesn't celebrate Christmas, but since you were getting presents for your other friends you felt bad leaving her out and were wondering if it would be okay for you to get her something to celebrate your friendship. It wouldn't be a Christmas related gift (a teddy bear with a santa hat, etc.) and could even be just a batch of cookies or something that you made instead of bought. If she politely refuses you can go into the fact that if she didn't accept it that it would go against YOUR beliefs. That's not very fair since you are obviously very respectful of hers. Getting presents for friends and showing that you care is important to you, Christmas or no. Accepting a small present from a friend, in my opinion, is not celebrating a holiday. It is merely being respectful of other people, their beliefs, and their culture. People should stick to their belieifs, but need to respect the beliefs of others too. If her family was so strict about all this then they shouldn't allow their children to be friends with anyone except other Jahovah's Witnesses. I'm pretty sure you will be able to work something out with her. Good luck. :)

how do you tie a shirt? like if its long, and you wanna make it smaller you tie a part of the bottom. if you help me find a good website, thatd be good.

Just roll it up and tie it in a regular single knot. As mentioned before, a lot of people just use a hair tie too. :)

How do you know you're 'thinking in spanish'? I heard it helps when learning spanish, but I don't understand how that goal is reached.

It's to know what something means without having to translate it in your head. When you are thinking in Spanish, when you read or hear the word "azul", you don't think "blue", you associate the word with the color, not with another word first.

Generally, the easiest part of a language is reading. Then is writing. The next hardest is speaking. Then, is thinking. To actually be able to think in a different language is something that is very hard to achieve.

I think that what you heard would help you learn wasn't actually having to think in Spanish. It was more towards the speaking level. You'd talk to yourself inside your head. It doesn't matter if you have to translate a little. Good luck. :)

do you guys know the movie Susie Q, it use to be on disney channel? its not at the rental store and i cant find it at walmart or target. where can i find it? would borders have it?

I remember that movie it was really good!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susie_Q_%28film%29

I would try contacting Disney to see if they can send you a copy of it. It exists somewhere. :)

I can't seem to "get off" with my partner... i'm 17 and I can jack off by myself and not take awhile but when i'm with my partner it's harder for me to get an erection AND have an orgasm... I really don't know why... it's not just him, EVERYONE i've been with i've never been able to get off.... what's wrong with me? I mean I've known this guy for 1.5 monthes we're so comfortable together and yet I just can't seem to get anything done! I obviously don't have ED otherwise i wouldn't be able to get it up on my own... i'm really serious with this topic... is there anyone that can help me out and give me advice?

Masturbation isn't going to affect anything. I think you're having what's called performance anxiety. Here's a webpage that explains it very well. :)

http://www.coolnurse.com/performance_anxiety.htm

Good luck!

What does it mean when someone says, "Jesus can't play music while nailed to a cross."?

I can think of a number of things it might mean. I have never heard the expression before. It doesn't look like many others have either since nobody has answered your question yet. What context did you hear it in? What was the conversation about? Did you hear it on a show? Knowing the context will help me narrow down some of the things it could be. Add additional information to your question and don't rate me yet. I will edit my answer and try to help you out. :)

i just got asked out by this really tall guy. like really tall. i dont kno if i like him, but n e ways.. im gunna c.
so, about kissing. iv never kissed anyone let alone someone so much taller than me. what do i do?

Your first kiss is going to be a little awkward, there's no way around that. That doesn't mean that it won't be wonderful though! It's ok to be nervous, but don't let it get to the point where you're afraid. It will work out just fine, it always does. Does he know that you've never been kissed? If he knows, that will help. He will want to teach you and he won't expect you to be very good. That takes a lot of pressure off of you and will probably make you do even better. Practice is the only way to learn how to kiss. Any tips you'll get probably won't help at all.

Ever seen the movie West Side Story? The leading man and woman have a huge height difference between them. It's seriously like 2 feet. They kiss and it looks just fine. It's probably more of a problem for the guy than the girl. If you're sitting it shouldn't be a problem and if you're standing pretty much all you would have to do is stand on your tippy toes. :)

Good luck!

15/F

My boyfriend of 11 months and I sometimes will makeout and stuff with just his boxers on and just my underwear.. I was wondering are there any risks of anything happen when we do this?

No, you're just fine.

The only risk is that after time you'll probably want to go farther. You might - and without the proper precautions! Keep a level head and prepare yourself to say no to anything that you think could be unsafe. Good luck. :)

haha yea thanks for the site, but i love FLC it's an amazing place and so far i havn't seen or been to any camp that even compares to it. but thanks anyway

Yeah that happens, you fall more in love with the atmosphere and the people there than anything else. I couldn't see myself ever going to a different camp either. :)

I am 20 years old and have been in a relationship for 5 years. I have been telling him for years that I really want to marry him. I knew he wasn't ready so I just kept telling him that I wanted a ring and we could have a long engagement. I was really hung up on getting a ring until recently when I realized I could wait and told him that I'd rather he just start saving so when we are ready it wouldn't be such a financial strain. I told him for our upcoming anniversary the only gift I would like is a receipt from the bank showing he deposited money in his savings account.
We just celebrated our 5 year anniversary with dinner at home in our pajamas. It was very casual so we were just going to watch a movie after dinner when he surprised me with a ring. I was shocked, to say the least. I didn't say anything at first and then just started saying oh my god over and over again. I said yes but didn't feel comfortable really. Then I thought about telling people and I got really uncomfortable, and he could tell. Long story short, we decided that I would keep the ring and when I'm ready I'll ask him to put it on me.
Here is my dilemma: I have watched my mother go through three divorces and has since settled with a man whom I don't believe she is truly happy with. I'm wondering if I'm destined to be like her. Will I end up divorced like her? Will I never find true happiness? Do I already have true happiness and not really realize it?
The other side of this is my father. He has been making comments for the past year about whether I'm missing out on a lot by being in a long term relationship so young. I'm worried that down the road I will regret it.

Do I have a great thing and I'm just spending too much time worrying about the what-ifs?

I feel horrible for pressuring him into this and then making a big mess out of it all.

I've only told my mother and my priest because I don't want others to know this- it's personal.

I'd appreciate any advice or input on the situation.

I think that the feelings you are having are very normal. It's not going to feel comfortable. Like your first kiss, it's awkward. This is the first time anything like this in your life has happened, but that doesn't take away how meaningful it was. Engagement is a serious thing. I had some of the same doubts. The thing is though, it's not marriage yet. There's no need to worry so much at this point. Nothing in the relationship should change. Engaged couples can split up and it's not much different than the breakup of a couple that had not been engaged. Get divorce out of your mind, those worries are very far away. You are ready to handle anything that can come up in an engagement. I'm currently engaged and it's going to be at least another year and a half before we get married. Long engagements are good because it gives you a long time to prepare for everything. There's no need to think about everything all at once. It's obvious that this guy really cares about you and that you really care about him too. Take it to the next level, you've got nothing to lose. You're not missing out on your life, you are planning a good future for yourself. You're in a much better position than lots of other couples. You're nervous and that is good! If you weren't nervous and you jumped into things too quickly, that's where you would get into trouble. You've been with him for 5 years, not 5 weeks! You're never going to find someone that is perfect, but it seems that you've found someone that you can have a life-long, happy relationship with. Think back to some of the reasons you wanted to marry him before. He hasn't changed. He's still that great guy that you fell in love with. There's no reason why you can't keep it secret at first. If you're not ready to tell people you don't have to. My advice is to agree that you are engaged and then get comfortable with it between yourselves first. Many many people do that. I did it for awhile and it was actaully kind of fun. It was like my fiance and I had this special secret that nobody else in the world knew about. I found it hard to wait for long because my excitement increased so much over having to hold it in. You don't have to wear the ring to be engaged. You can put it on in private and when you go into public you can wear it on a chain around your neck and hide it in your shirt if you want to. Engagement is a verbal agreement, you don't need to sign anything or wear anything to be engaged. Many couples don't even have engagement rings. Don't let anything get you down during this very special time in your life. In time you will feel much better about everything. Good luck. :)

oo alright i actually go to that camp i was just wondering if anyone from on here goes there also, do you counsil at a camp near it?

The camp I work at is a few hours away. The maximum you can attend is 2 weeks, it's coed, and very small. Forest Lake looks like a much larger and probably stricter camp. It depends on the kind of atmosphere you want. My camp is very informal and you have a lot of free time where you can choose your own activities. http://www.4hcampsny.org/shankitunk/index.htm if you are interested. :)

Do you go to that camp?

No, I'm a counselor at a different camp so I don't know much about that one. Sorry!

After nearly two years together my boyfriend has decided he doesn’t really love me. Actually he has decided he has never really loved anyone. He said he’s never met anyone who he would do absolutely anything for, whose happiness he would put above his own; he hasn’t had that crazy love.

In my opinion, that is a good thing. If he had experienced that love he’d be insane and delusional. One of the things I love about him is how level-headed he is and how seriously he considers things. So I tried not to get too mad at first about this whole ‘love’ thing (although I think his expectation of real ‘love’ is completely ridiculous and impractical) but now I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m just a place-holder until he meets some girl he thinks he can have that kind of love with. It’s making me insecure with him and really defensive and snappy. When he talks about it now I just want to tear him to shreds, it so unlike him to pick a belief based entirely on his own subjective experience and not research any other opinions or philosophies! How can I deal with his philosophical thoughts on love without personalizing it so much and getting mad at him?

I used to view love very similarly to the way your boyfriend does. Then someone helped me face reality. Love isn't something you can define or something that you need to think through. It's a feeling. A simple feeling no different from frustration. Try explaining frustration. You can't, but most everyone at one time or another gets frustrated and doesn't have a problem saying that they are. I think that the best thing you can do is talk to him about it. Since he is level headed and so seriously considers things I don't think that it would offend him. He is being honest, open, and truthful with you. Give him the same back! Tell him that you understand his views and tell him how what he said is making you feel. Let him know that you are a little insecure because of it. It's very understandable that you are, he should get that. Be careful how you say things. Since this is making you defensive and snappy, if you approach him in that kind of way, he may think that you are angry with him. Let him know that that's not the case at all and that you just wanted to let him know what you were feeling so you could work through it together. Basically, tell him what you said here. My guess is that he will be very understanding. He definitely cares about you. He just has a very different view of what love is. I wouldn't worry about him finding another girl. With the beliefs that he is expressing, I doubt that he will ever find love at all. He probably doesn't believe that it exists. If you stick with him and guide him, you could help him change his views to something more realistic and hopefully, his love for you will grow. To keep from getting mad at him, try to view him as a lost soul that needs some guidance. It seems like you understand love pretty well. It's neither of the extremes, it's just something in the middle. A simple feeling that doesn't affect your life very much. With your understanding of love and his intellectuality (not sure if that is a word), I think that you two can get through this. Good luck! :)

Hey i was wondering if anyone on here goes to forest lake camp, i would love some more information on it thanks.

I hope that this is the camp you are talking about. :)

http://www.forestlakecamp.com/

i mer up with my boyfriend a few days after my period and we ended up aving sex. well the condom broke while we were making out and his pants were down.. [[i dunno how]] so i told hm we ccoodnt have sex. well he asked if he coodplz stick it in for like a min so i let him for like 10 SECONDS and he didnt cum until like 25 minutes later after i gave him oral... wat r the chanced im pregnant. plus hes never gotten a girl pregnant before and hes had ALOT of sex. [[ he was already tested and doesnt have anything so dont trip]] and he told me nothing came out.. so yea...

I wouldn't worry about pregnancy, but if it anything like this happens again consider getting a day after pill. The chance you are pregnant is very slim. Not because of how how long you did it, but because of where you are in your cycle. The length of time a guy is in you doesn't matter one bit. It could be 1 second or 1 hour. You can get pregnant just the same. NEVER EVER have unprotected sex unless you are trying to get pregnant. Stand strong and stick to your gut instinct. Next time, 10 seconds could turn to longer and guys don't have as much control over themselves as they believe. Don't ever do this again. It just isn't worth it. No matter how much he begs. He should be more sensible than he is about everything. He wasn't thinking with the right head if you know what I mean. If he's going to be like that you're going to have to take responsibility from here on out. You know what the right decision is. Don't let your boyfriend cloud your judgement! I think you should have a talk with him about this. Let him know that from here on out, the answer to unprotected sex will always be NO! Good luck.

Okay, just for those of you browsing and think "oh, shes got like 3 answers" dont hesitate! pleaase help!
Alright, for my chruch, we're having an "angel tree" and in our church theres this big tree with lots of paper angels and on the back in an envelope, is a familys name. well, I want to do the twelve days of christmas for this family, they're fairly newly weds, they have 2 girls, one is 4 the other is 2, but i'm having problems thinking of things to do!
my mom is into it too, so i'm not gonna have a big issue with money. its a whole family thing, but I cant think of anything!! please help me come up with cute ideas for these 2 little girls! please, no Original poems or the whole, partriage in a pear tree things! they're really little and i want to make this special, so please no peoms or anything too big?

thanks A LOT!!

That is such a wonderful thing that you are doing! Take a trip to a large store like Wal-Mart and just browse. Pay special attention to the toy aisle and the girls winter apparel aisle. You can get the girls cute sweaters or mittens and games or dolls to play with. Trust me, once you are in the store, knowing what to get will be so much easier! Homemade baked goods or Christmas candy are always wonderful gifts to receive as well. Since the couple are newlyweds, they might not have a huge collection of Christmas ornaments or decorations. Nobody ever has enough Christmas decorations. If they don't have a wreath on their front door get them one of those! You'll probably find so many things you want to get you won't be able to get everything. Good luck. :)

Ok, well on friday there is a school dance that i am going to with my boyfriend and all my friends. Well, there is slow dancing, and all the teachers are wacthing, and im just scared to sow dane because we ARE going to slow dance but I am just really scared...
what should i do?

please, i would appreciate some answers!

=]

thankss!

Slow dancing is easy and tons of fun! It's okay to be nervous, but don't be scared! You'll have a blast. Try to relax a little. You probably won't even notice the teachers there at all. After it's over you'll wonder why you worried at all. :)

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>