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Okay I dated this guy for the 3rd time. We lasted longer than the first two. He broke up with me cause I was having a really bad week and it made him think that I didn't want to date him and made him think that I didn't like him. To be honest I was kinda losing feelings for him, but now that we're over all my feelings are back and there 10x's stronger. He said we would be best friends, but he doesn't talk or look at me. I'm thinking he's talking to this girl cause they comment on each others walls on facebook all the time and hungout today. She's not a virgin too and he probably likes her for that reason too. What do I do? Get over him? Its not really working, I like him a lot now. But I liked him a lot when we were dating, I just felt so upset that week and was confused about everything.
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This has already been asked and answered here:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=593193
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Okay I dated this guy for the 3rd time. We lasted longer than the first two. He broke up with me cause I was having a really bad week and it made him think that I didn't want to date him and made him think that I didn't like him. To be honest I was kinda losing feelings for him, but now that we're over all my feelings are back and there 10x's stronger. He said we would be best friends, but he doesn't talk or look at me. I'm thinking he's talking to this girl cause they comment on each others walls on facebook all the time and hungout today. She's not a virgin too and he probably likes her for that reason too. What do I do? Get over him? Its not really working, I like him a lot now. (link)
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You said: "To be honest I was kinda losing feelings for him..."
The truth of the matter is that he could tell this was happening, even though you weren't honest enough to tell him this.
Now that he has ended it, because it was obvious to him that your feelings were gone, you want what you can't have... him.
Some people are just that way. They want what they can't have, and once they get it, they don't want it anymore. I think we all do this in different ways. Reality is that the old saying:
The wanting of a thing is not half so good as the having of it.
... is true. You can want a new model car, but as soon as the newness wears off, that whole desire is over.
So what about love? Love is like falling in love with a certain car, and restoring it from the ground up. You keep that car for life, and it becomes a part of you.
What you have going on here isn't love. You only want what you can't have. You only have strong feelings for this guy when you can't have him. When you are with him, you lose any feelings you had before you got together.
Be honest with yourself, and move on so that you can fall in love with someone. It is a whole different thing.
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When I first met my boyfriend of one year we never talked about our sexual past. It wasn't until 9 months into our relationship that he started to ask me questions about it. I have had a pretty wild sexual past. When I was single in college, I had almost 30 sexual partners. I have never had a problem with infidelity and have always been faithful when I was in a relationship. Furthermore, I had some crazy experiences after college. I also slept with my boss, who I started dating several months after I took the job. Anyway, at first I didn't tell him how many sexual partners I had had. He is separated from his wife because she cheated on him while they were married. I thought that if I told him the truth in the beginning that he wouldn't be able to trust me and think that I could not be faithful because of my sexual past, let alone think of me as a slut(which I sadly admit I was and I am more than ashamed of it now). Anyway, he is a smart man and sooner enough he figured-out that I had lied to him. Finally, he broke up with me for lying to him about it. When we broke up, I finally came clean because I figured I had nothing to lose. We ended up getting back together. However, things have not been pretty since we got back together. Now, almost every 15 days he keeps getting reminded about my sexual past. He says that I am not the marrying type and that my past speaks a lot about my future. I am deeply in love with him and our sex and time we spend together is incredible. He just flips out at random times about my past. He is also upset that I wasn't honest with him. However, in a way, I regret being honest with him now because it's like he loves me and hates me and sometimes wants a future with me and sometimes doesn't. I don't know what to do or how to make him see past my past. Furthermore, he is constantly curious about whether my exes from my past still call me, or write to me or message me on Facebook. He just doesn't trust me no matter what I do. However, I am so confused because even though he gets upset and tells me he hates my past and I was such a slut, he asked me to move in with him recently. I do not know what's going on. I love him and want to move in with him but if I am "not the marrying type," do you think he will he ever change his mind and possibly want to marry me some day? I also have had sexual encounters with different races, and that seems to bother him a lot. He has slept with over 50 women and has been with ALL races, but he seems to get so mad that I have been with a different race. I think it's hypocritical right? Please help. We love each other and I feel like saving my relationship. Everything is perfect except these moments that he flips out very two weeks. (link)
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You know, I read the other answers here and I feel like all the name calling is getting a bit much.
He was called an "insecure man-child," and that may end up being true, but how would you feel if someone came in here and referred to you as a lying slut? You see what I mean? Name calling isn't going to help here.
Having had some experience in this whole situation, I am wondering what you first told him. You left that out, and THAT has a lot to do with this.
If you told him you were a virgin, then this situation isn't likely to get resolved with you two being together. If, however, you told him a number, let us just say 5 guys, and then reversed yourself, there is a possibility for you two to still be together, but trust is going to be hard to come by.
My situation: I told her when we first talked, that whatever she told me, we would work through it and it would be ok.
She told me I was due to be guy number 4. Well, that quickly turned into 7, and so I overlooked it based on what she said about being worried that if she told me the truth, I would not want her. Pretty much the same thing you are telling him now, right?
Well, in most situations this only gets worse. It did in mine. First it was 4, then 7, then 11, then 30something, then she started saying that she couldn't remember if this one guy was real, or if she had made him up.
Sooo... as you can see, that didn't go well. At one point she sent me a picture of one of her ex's, at my request, and he had herpes sores on his face on his profile pic at myspace! Turns out that I saved myself from genital herpes and HPV by walking away from that situation.
You might say: "How could you walk away if you had feelings for her?"
Answer: I had feelings for the person she said she was. The person who promised I could trust her, and that she would never lie to me.
So it goes like this: I fell in love with someone who didn't exist.
I tell you all this so you better understand where your guy's head is in all this. If you told him that you were a woman who had slept with 5 men, and that he didn't have to fret about penis size anxieties because you had never been with a well hung black man... (I mention this because it sounds like that would be important to him from what you said)
... then THAT is the person he fell in love with.
This new person who has slept with so many more people including her boss... well, he just met that person.
He may adjust to this, and he may not. Whatever you do, if there is ANYTHING else hidden, get it out there immediately. If he gets comfortable with your past, which if he is able to, will take years most likely, and then you drop another bomb on him, there will be NO chance of saving this AT ALL. You understand where I am going with this?
You can break a vase, and glue it back together, but it is never quite the same, right? Now take that already broken vase, smash it again... and no matter what you do, it just cannot be made serviceable again.
Some lies are small, and you might think of them as "white" lies... but I assure you that after this, the smallest white lie can, and probably will end your relationship forever.
I know how hard it is to put yourself in another person's position, but I am asking you to try and see it from his place.
If he had told you that he had been with 2 women, and then... after you were in love, he told you he had been with 50, including Asian women (so now you are feeling like he will always think you are loose because he was with them (this is a rumor by the way) ) what would happen to you emotionally?
Would you ever feel like you could trust him again? Probably not, right? Well, this is what you have done.
If you ever lie to him again, or give him any reason to suspect you are cheating on him, like being in contact with ANY of your flings from the past, then he would have to be stupid to trust you anymore. If you can admit that he would have to be the worlds biggest idiot to ever trust you... then there may be hope. Why? Because that means you are not in denial.
Where do you go from here? Couples counseling. It would be one thing if this was only about your lying to him... but it isn't. It is about his last relationship ending the way it did.
The ONLY thing that you should NEVER have done to him is break his trust. He has trust issues, and he would be stupid if he didn't have them at this point.
You two will have to work through this together. It will be hard for him to talk openly with you because he knows he can't trust you. This is where the counseling comes in. A neutral 3rd party that you both feel you can trust is the only way this is likely to get resolved.
If you aren't willing to be completely honest and work through this, then please tell him now, so he can start recovering from the second relationship that ended with a breach of trust.
If you are willing to work through it, then get started as soon as you can.
Good luck to both of you, and I hope it ends well.
DN.
P.S. In my situation, even after I overlooked a great deal, she still went to play fondle-peter with one of her exes right before she was due to come visit me.
Why do I mention this? Simple: You are amazed that he can't see you as ever being faithful because of your past... well, typically, people who do what you have done are sex addicted and COMPLETELY unable to remain faithful. You may be the one exception on the whole planet, but can you see where it might be hard for him to believe it?
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14/f
Each year, my junior high school has a "last dance," which is similar to prom. One of my boy friends asked me to it, but I said no because he was (and still is) really weird and kinda unpopular. But he's still really nice.
After that, things got kinda awkward and we stopped hanging out. A few weeks ago he sat with me on the bus and now he's talking to me again. I realized I actually like him, despite his weirdness. He's not afraid to be himself and doesn't care what others think. He likes all the same things I do.
Anyway, he told me he really likes two girls and he told me who they were (not me). I really like him and want to go to the dance with him, but he still thinks I don't like him. What should I do? Please help me! (link)
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Well, as someone else pointed out, guys are pretty straightforward about these things. Does that mean you can't fix it? Not at all! It just depends on how honest you are ready to be.
Before I give you the fix to this, I want to ask you a question:
If a guy refused to take you to a dance because he was shallow, thought you were weird and was ashamed of being seen at the dance with you... how would that make you feel?
That is what you did to this guy. And he probably doesn't feel great that you treated him like this. He will probably hide those feelings, but he knows what you did, and probably why.
So, now that you realize what you have done... are you willing to be honest about things?
If you go to him and say something like: "You know, I am really sorry I said no when you asked me out. I was being a stuck-up snobby bitch, and I was more concerned with the opinions of other people than your feelings.
Since I made that mistake, I realized what a special person you are, and I have grown to like the fact that you don't care what other people think. I am really sorry, and if the offer still goes, I would live to go to the dance with you."
Don't do this any way but person to person, face to face.
If you do that, and the guy has any feelings for you at all, you will have your date for the dance. :-)
No matter what happens, remember this for the future.
I am really proud of you for realizing you were acting like an elitist snob, and trying to do something about it so that you could grow into a better person. Way to go!
Good luck.
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ok so like i haven't felt good for weeks and i realy dont know what to do we are about to go on a trip to roaring river and i will always get sick before we go or when we get there and every time that happens? i just dont know what to do. will you plz help me? (link)
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You really need to go get checked out. This could be anything, and even if there was a doctor here, which there is not, then they would still want to see you in person.
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if silver is not real will it tarnish
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This really depends on how you define fake. If by fake you mean not solid silver, then yes it is possible.
Silver plated items tarnish, because it is the coating of real silver that is tarnishing.
Most items that are silver plated or solid silver are marked to indicate which one they are.
Some silver jewellery items are coated with a special substance that keeps them from tarnishing.
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This is rather long, so I apologize in advance. 3 months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. He was not ambitious and hardly seemed to care about his future, so my future with him appeared bleak. I want interdependence with a guy, not one who only depends on me. Also, he has a very dysfunctional family, and I don't mean just the typical problems that any family would have. If that were the only thing wrong, I would be able to overlook it and stay with him, but I really couldn't deal with his lack of direction in life.
We've rarely talked since then and I thought I’d moved on, but we talked again a few days ago, and I realized I hadn’t. He isn't over me yet, and for him, talking to me helps him find closure and move on, but for me, it's the opposite: I need to cut off contact with him in order to move on.
If he could one day prove that he has changed and decided what he wants to do with his life, I would consider getting back together with him. However, my parents strongly object to our relationship. You might say that this is my life and I shouldn't be allowing my parents to decide what I want, but I confide in my parents a lot and I trust their judgment. They’re so worried about my happiness, or lack thereof, in the future if I had stayed with him. Even if he did change and we got back together, I know that my parents would never fully approve, and that makes me unhappy because I want them to like the guy I choose to be with.
The reason I find it so difficult to move on is that, aside from these major flaws, he is everything I could want in a guy, and I'm so afraid I'll never find someone who will love me as much as he did. He kept me at the very top of his priorities and always had or made time for me, and I felt so lucky because judging by many of my friends’ relationships, their boyfriends don’t prioritize them very highly. I'm so emotionally wrecked after talking to him again, and I’m angry with myself for not being able to move on even though I initiated the break-up. Do you think it’s at all possible that he and I could ever be together again, or should I just let the thought go? And is it normal that I still can't move on even though I was the one who broke it off? (link)
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Hi there,
You probably aren't going to like this answer, but I can't take the chance that nobody else will be honest with you.
Reading this from an outside perspective leave the person reading it feeling like you have set yourself up as the center of the universe and really don't care about the feelings of others.
You found someone who really loved you, and you broke his heart because you didn't see him being able to GIVE YOU THINGS? When someone puts it like that, does it make it obvious?
Even in the closure situation... you are the one who created the hurt, and yet you aren't interested in the welfare of anybody but yourself.
So, since you are incredibly selfish, self absorbed and basically view yourself as the only important person in a relationship... why can't you let go?
Well, the answer may be simpler than you think:
Are you being honest with yourself?
Are you really the almighty, heartless queen b**** of the universe, as your treatment of this guy's heart suggests?
Maybe not. Did you REALLY do this because of his "lack of direction" or did you do it because your parents strongly objected?
Figure that one out and you may have your answer.
You know, you mentioned him loving you and being EVERYTHING you could ever want in a guy... and yet you threw that love away and crushed his heart in the process.
At this point I am betting you have figured out that the problem here, isn't with his lack of direction... it is with your own lack of knowing what you want.
He had a direction in life: The direction was loving you, and being: "...everything I could want in a guy..."
Think about this, please? You said he always kept you at the very top of his priorities... that means you were the direction of his life.
Then that wasn't good enough so you destroyed him.
Here is the hard part:
He knew what he wanted in life: YOU!
That wasn't good enough for you.
If he has a brain in his head, he will recognize how emotionally confused you are and stay away from you for the rest of his life.
So when you get your head straightened out, and grow up, he probably won't be around for you to use and abuse anymore. If he is, and he is dumb enough to so much as speak to you... try and treat him better next time.
For the future: You will move on, it will take time, but it will happen.
Try not to hurt anyone else like you hurt him. In other words, while you are growing up, please also try and grow a heart.
If you can find it in yourself, do something to help him get over this. Perhaps point him to this question, so he can see he isn't alone.
It will help him to get over you if the blinders that love puts on you are removed and he can see that someone else sees you for having done this immature, stupid and heartless thing. Right now he blames himself.
Until you explain to him what really happened, he will keep right on blaming himself. Why? Because you told him it was his fault... that he lacked direction and wasn't making of himself what YOU wanted.
Why wasn't his top priority career advancement? By your own admission his top priority was you.
Way to go.
You are one of the women who poison men's feelings toward all women. When you treat a guy like this, he will expect similar treatment from all future women.
Please think about someone other than yourself for a change.
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i like his girl and she kinda likes me. but she still really likes her ex boyfriend.what should i do age 11 male (link)
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Well, posting this every two minutes kind of indicates a lack of patience. ;-)
Seriously though, if you get involved with someone who likes someone else, it will end badly.
Give it some time. If you get to be 13 and she has completely forgotten about him and likes you, then maybe there is hope.
Let me ask you this: What are you doing worried about this at 11? Take some time to be a kid. The minute you add girls, your life gets extremely complicated. Enjoy hanging out with your friends while you can. I think most guys wish we could roll back the clock to simpler times. I bet most girls feel the same way.
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hi:]
ok so I have a laptop, an HP and i can connect to internet but i wanna connect to the bluetooth in my phone. my phone has internet and my question is, can I connect to the internet on my phone through my phones bluetooth? p.s. im really bad with explaining things, so if you need me to rephrase this, just let me know. thanks:] (link)
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Hi there,
I don't know which phone you have, but I am going to make an educated guess that the answer is going to be that you cannot do this.
The reason is simple enough: Bluetooth is very limited as far as speed in concerned. It would be a VERY slow connection, and since phone networks are getting faster and faster, I can't see them setting up a super slow connection.
There ARE, however, phones that have the ability to act as a hotspot for other devices. I know Sprint and Verizon both offer devices as well as phones that will let so many people connect to the net through them. You may even have seen the ads.
I don't know which company you are with, but if it happens to be one of those, then why not go in and talk to someone about what it would take to change your cell phone plan and get a different phone that will do what you need your mobile phone to do for you?
Even if you are with someone else, why not give it a try? Other companies probably have similar devices. Worst that they can say is "no" right? :-)
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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years, he has had a really horrible up bringing in an abbusive home when he was a kid, we currently live together and i have recently found out I am pregnant.
He gets angry all the time, over the smallest things, like loosing a game of fifa or something, when he does get angry he always punches the walls, doors or breaks things but if i say something he doesn't like or tell him to do something i get hit, punched, kicked and i have almost lost the baby twice already because he has hit me in the stomach. I feel like i need him to be independent though, and he tells me to get out of the house all the time, and tells me i won't get anything in the flat/car etc. he calls me names all the time, swears at me continuously and shouts at me in public if i need the toilet or something. But, when he is in a good mood, he is a really great boyfriend.
In November 2009 i was invited to a party and i was getting ready and it was a dressing up party, he told me to drop his friend off at the train station which i did and when i got back he locked me out of the house and had thrown all of my clothes through the window, for no apparent reason, i picked up my clothes and told him to let me in, he made me beg, i was on the doorstep crying and begging at 11pm at night in the freezing cold in a tarty dress, i was begging for around an hour when i picked up a brick and tried to bash the door down, i only managed to put a scratch on the door, but he called the police and was put in jail that night. he pressed charges for criminal damage and i now have a criminal record, but the day after i got out of jail he apologised and we were back together the week after.
I just feel like i can't leave him, but i just don't know what to do to stop his behaviour. I am terrified of him when he is like this, but i don't know how to stop it. Pleease Helpp!+ (link)
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I am sorry, I wish I had better news. The simple fact is that the others are right... you have to go.
Contact your local law enforcement and have them escort you to get your things out of the house if it comes to that.
I understand that you love him, and you want things to work out... but you can't give him the help he needs, and until he makes the decision to change, nothing will help.
You can't wait around for a change that may never happen. Perhaps you leaving will shock him into seeking counseling. If he doesn't seek help, there really isn't any hope until he does.
I am sorry. You have to leave.
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hi again,
So is there a way to reply to people who have left a comment. Some of the people are saying things that are questions with me wanting to give a reply, but I'm just not sure how?
Thanks (link)
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Hi there,
Those are people who don't really grasp the idea of feedback. If they have a new question, they should click the ask a question link, and start a new question in your inbox.
In order to keep the user's anonymity intact, we don't have a way for you to write their inbox, as this would disclose their username to you.
Most people edit their answers to respond to any questions asked in feedback.
Thank you.
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hi, I'm not sure how to send a link for that, but if you go into your column and scroll down through the messages there is one that says the girl has heart cancer and she lives in Georgia, and at the end of the message it says that she is sorry to hear about the earthquakes we have been having.
you answered her and said that it went to that general box instead of my inbox.
I really need to get her messages as obviously she doesnt have long to live.
Thanks heaps!
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Are you very new to the internet, perhaps?
To copy a link, right click and select copy shortcut, or copy link as the case may be.
Then right click in the message you are writing and select "paste."
I have found the message, but I would really appreciate it if, in the future, you would include links now that you know how. :-)
My time here is extremely limited, as I am currently explaining in the e-mail I am writing a reply to as well.
Thank you, and I will have that question assigned to your inbox in about 15 minutes, so just check your inbox any time after that.
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Hi Dangernerd,
thanks for your reply to the thing about the missing comment!
It makes me feel heaps better knowing you own this wonderful site! I am really enjoying helping out here.
i will email you the link through. Thanks again! (link)
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Thank you for the kind words, and also all the wonderful advice you are giving.
Welcome to the site!
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Hi, you are helping me lots today! Thanks!
Is there somewhere that I'm not looking where the people I'm writing to keep their additional contact info?
I'm new to this so still learning all the in's and out's.
can you email people my email address? maybe that would work.
Hope you are having a great day! (link)
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Thank you for the kind words. You cannot contact people who have asked questions here, unless they have disclosed their contact info in the question.
The questions, being anonymous to the public, have to be this way.
You can look at the advice column on any other columnist here, in order to see what, if any, contact info they have listed.
As for e-mailing your address to the person, I really don't know if that would be a good idea. The premise of the site is such that the questioner remains safe and anonymous.
Again, if this is a law enforcement matter, that all changes.
Thank you.
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Is there a way I can get my email address to one of the people who I'm writing to, without everyone else seeing it?
Thanks! (link)
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You could e-mail that person. If they don't have any alternate contact infromation, it measn they do not wish to be contacted any other way.
On rare occasion there will be an exception made, usually for law enforcement.
Let me know what I can do.
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my mazda wont get a spark from the coil is has no ditributor how come? (link)
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There are internal timing sensors that trigger the spark. One of these sensors may be bad, the ignition computer may be defective, or your coilpack assembly could have a problem. It is also possible that your timing belt broke.
You should have this hooked up to computer diagnostics. The error code will help the mechanic get the troubleshooting done quickly and with minimal cost.
Good luck. I hope it is a simple fix.
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I recently gave oral sex to my girl friend. Both of us are virgins, and this was the first time either of us have had any sexual contact with anyone.
What are the chances I have contracted an STI?
surely the only way would be if my girl friend had an STI passed down from her mother at birth, and if so, would she recieve any information about it?
Thank you very much for reading, and for any help and advice- much appreciated
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Hi there,
Well, unless her mother told her, she would not know, unless she had outbreaks at some point and didn't know what they were, I suppose.
Here is an important thought: I am not saying that this is your girlfriend, by any means, but as a guy who was lied to about virginity for a number of years, you should at least give a thought to the idea that just maybe her definition of virginity differs from your own.
As for the likelihood of getting something via oral sex: Yes, if there IS something there to get, you can easily get it through oral sex.
Be sure of the truth of the matter before you put your health at risk any further than you have. Better to find out now than later.
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Hi, I am recieving emails saying that a person who's question I have answered has rated me, AND left a comment. I go into the site where it says to click on the link to view the comment, but there is no comment, just the rating. This has happened several times. Any ideas? Thanks. (link)
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Hi there,
Please send the link that comes in the next question/answer this happens with, and I will see what I can figure out.
Thank you!
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I am 15, and some of my friends have already lost their virginity. I have given on hand job. (When i was 13 and i regret it) but i have no idea how to sufficently do a bj, help? (link)
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Hi there,
Do you really want to be back here in two years, asking another question, and have to say that you regret giving a bj? Think about this for a minute.
Your disease risk is WAY higher with what you want to do now. Condoms don't stop herpes or HPV from being transmitted. Yes, you can get diseases from giving a bj.
Your friends have lost their virginity, and that is their problem. It isn't an accomplishment that you need to keep up with.
Look at it this way: When they are 30, and can't have babies because of the diseases they are busy collecting now, will you still feel like you were left out?
Think about WHY you regret that hand job... your conscience is letting you know that you did something that is not ok. Can you imagine how much worse that feeling would be with your new idea?
When you are in a loving, committed relationship, those bad feeling won't be there.
Don't be in a hurry to be somebody's throw-away hook-up. Ask the girls here that have already done that... they wish they hadn't.
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Ive never had sex, or been given oral or any type of sex. I want to know if its possible to get bactierial vaginosis or tricinosis with out ever having any form of sex. And i know neither of my parents passed it down to me. Pleeeaaase someone help me figure this out. (link)
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Hi there,
It is possible to get quite a number of vaginal infections without ever having sex. It is quite common for people who use tampons to begin getting infections about the same time they start with the tampons. This doesn't happen for everyone, but I put it in there in case that might apply to your situation.
Having a vagina, means eventually having to deal with something like this. Don't be ashamed to go to the doctor. They won't judge you. Gynecologists see things like this ALL day EVERY day.
I know a gal who has an incredible infection, but has convinced herself that there is no problem, and refuses to see a doctor. People literally get up and leave when she enters a room. The smell is that bad.
Don't let that be you. There is NO shame in this. None. Anyone who says different is a knucklehead.
P.S. Don't just start buying over the counter things like yeast treatments and such, until the doctor tells you to do so. Treating an infection with the wrong stuff can make things worse. Thought you should know.
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