Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
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This question is for all the guys out there
My boyfriend is 17 and im 16 but i was just wondering, do guys really like eating out their girlfriends? I know they like the girls reactions or whatever but do they actually get turned on by the action of doing it? Same goes with fingering their girl, do they really enjoy that too? If so, why? And be honest please theres so many curious girls out there with this question! (link)
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Don't think there's a blanket answer. Some do, some do it but don't especially enjoy it, some don't like even the idea of it. Personally I've always adored doing, but only with a woman I really want to do it with. So you have to add that it depends on the woman and your feelings towards her. Implying the 'giving pleasure' aspect must figure strongly I suppose? Is there a personal pleasure and gratification? For me, there certainly is. Looking at why it excites the guys who enjoy it, and also why fingering (or caressing a woman intimately in general) we have to look at sensual feedback. Arousal could be split into the physical side (the responses of the body) and the mental side, though in practice the two are entirely combined and really impossible to split in any meaningful sense. Since the mind receives input from each of the five senses, then taste, scent and touch all get favouarble stimulus during oral. Sight, well a girl we like the look of gives us guys plenty of 'eye candy' all the time. Sound...well a woman can say very exciting things and make the most arousing noises that can fall on the ears of a guy who's crazy about her. So a sensual 'full house' then! Some say the brain is the most powerful 'sex organ' in the body, and with justification. So, depends on the guy...depends on the girl. I couldn't give a biological reason why it's pleasurable, since it serves no reproductive function, any more than a girl giving her boyfriend oral sex does. Assume it's tied up with courtship and bonding behaviour. It certainly feels just about as intimately connected as it gets for me. Hope I've shed a bit of light?
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Hey guys
So i have a question, when my boyfriend fingers me how do we know when he is done? Because for guys its different since they have an "endpoint" lol. But for girls it could go on forever right? So my question is, how does he know when to be done? What if he gets bored cuz he doesnt know when to stop? (link)
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I can see what you're saying. Girls could indeed gon on waht feels like 'forever', added to which a female climax is by no means and 'end' of any sort either. And yeah, us guys virtually always climax. Aren't we predictable?? Give a thought to the fact that it won't be the same every time. If you're feeling particulalry horny and he hits just the right spots you'll hopefully climax, and that's clearly the 'break' you're both looking for. Another time you might be happy for him to go on for ages, and he might be equally happy to do it. You might climax, you might not feel the need to...and just want to enjoy the trip, as you might say... and not worry much about where it's going. And another time, things might not quite 'fire' as well...then he (and (YOU!) might well become a bit bored. Then it's a case of letting it wind down naturally. I suppose the classic scenario is when you know he's dying to finger you...but you know...you're not quite in the mood. But you don't want to hurt his feelings, so you do it anyway, right? EVERY couple have been there! And you're probably not going to hit the heights this time. Next time...might be very different! There's a tendency to want it to have clearly defined points and of course be totally brilliant, all the time, every time. But so much depends on how you feel in other ways. So sometimes brilliant, sometimes it just doesn't really work at all, other times it's just sort of 'OK...quite nice but not mindblowing'. The blokes always climaxing thing might seem a bit unfair, but it's just the way humans are built. And it's sometimes much better for us than others, sometimes just OK. Of course, for your boyfriend to fully satisfy you in the orgasmic sense, you need to be completely relaxed and comfortable about 'letting go' that much in front of him. He needs to know just what you enjoy, and what doesn't do much for you. So YOU need to know...and communicate it to him by some means. Describe in words? Guide his hands? Definitely let him know when he's getting it SPOT ON! You don't want him to stop and change what he's doing when you feel something really starting to happen! Usually praising what a guy gets right is more effective than criticising the things he doesn't (the fragile male ego, eh?).I dare say he really wants to make it special for you, but we're not mind readers. And what may have 'worked' with another partner doesn't mean anything regarding YOU. It's usual for the guy to pleasure you first normally. That'll definitely help to keep him enthusiastic and less likely to lose interest! Have fun!
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How does one overcome social anxiety? (link)
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Hi there. In order to overcome it the first thing you need to do is identify what may be causing it. Don't know what your age is. If you're somewhere between 13 and 18 it's part of the kit so to speak. It's when we do feel acutely self-aware or self-conscious. Some 'go into their shell' a bit. Some over-compensate and get a tad 'loud' in company. If you fit the age group, really the best thing is to let it ride. It evens itself out naturally. The quieter ones get a bit more confident, the loud ones learn to tone it down a bit. If you're older and it's persisting it might be a case of taking every opportunity to get 'out there' as much as possible, even if your first urge is to shy away. Take close friends along but try bit by bit to reach out to others when an opportunity crops up. People with any sort of disability need to fight hard to overcome social anxieties, as you'd expect. The rest of us, well it can focus on much smaller issues. I'm too tall, too short, don't like my shape. Even don't like the accent of my voice. But really, society is a very mixed bag indeed, and there's room for all of us. Etiquette is a rather old fashioned idea in modern society. But there's places it's still a mark of character. If you're a bit unsure of 'good form' in the circles you're in, try a bit of research on the net? Last resort, when you find yourself a bit out of your depth...watch self-assured others and mirror them. Few of us are totally at ease in all environments, all the time. Just some 'front it out' a bit better than others, that's all. One remarkable, almost istant fix I've noticed in younger people is to take a job in retail. At the point of sale, not stacking shelves. If you could happily fit-in a part time job for a month or two it could be a quick fix. Plus you get paid! OK, it's not what you want to do, you might be seriously over-qualified etc. But I've noticed that (especially teenaged) people seem to transform almost before your eyes in confidence when they 'have to' face the masses, in all their many forms and facets. How about a club or society? Fine art? Photography? Health club? With friends, or a scary 'on your own'. Really sink or swim that one, eh?? There is of course a much more deeply-rooted and harder to overcome possibility of agrophobia. If even the very though of going 'out there' fills you with dread panic...you might have to explore this possibilty. But it's very much a 'worst case' thing and much rarer than simply 'not feeling very good in company'. Hope I've managed to give you a few things to think about. You might have to take yourself out of your 'comfort-zone' to overcome it...which can be difficult. If there's any excuse to stay in it, don't we find it and use it? Walk tall mate, look the world square in the eye. Sure, take every effort to fit in but don't try and dissappear. Meet it half way, and say 'I'm here...what you see is what you get...take me or leave me'. Confidence does have a way of feeding on itself, just like insecurity...but this time in a good way. Of course, some people are much greater socialisers than others. Some a little more introverted. You could say 'Very choosey aabout their company' if you like. Neither's right or wrong. But if you feel you're a bit too extreme in this respect, feel like you're completely 'missing the party' it's worth tackling. Might just need a bit of practice and polishing of the social skills, no more than that. Good luck!!
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I tested hiv negative after 10 months exposure back last march 2012, but having smptoms aches joints headaches slight reddy rash on neck abit of dihorrea stomach ache problems and chest and back pain i think ive got aids, solely because i have not produced any hiv antibodies to detect beleive i only have a slight trace and i dont think the hiv test has picked them up because of that. (link)
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When HIV enters the body there may (within about two weeks at most) be flu-like symptoms, mild or severe...or there may be no symptoms at all. At this point the body has a high viral load. And when it eventually develops into full blown AIDS there are severely debilitating symptoms, again the viral load is very high. In the interim period there are usually NO SYMPTOMS AT ALL. Testing is the ONLY way to determine whether you are HIV positive. Could you ask for another test? Discrepancies in the results of two tests are extremely unlikely. The symptoms you describe could easily be caused by acute anxiety and stress...understandable if you believe you may have an infection of this order. HIV testing has a very high integrity and reliability rate. It has to have, since the results of wrong diagnosis could be catastrophic. The idea that 'I know my body, and I know I am (or am not) HIV positive' is meaningless. Fact is, there's no way of knowing other than testing.
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Girls keep on going out with me and then the next time I see them they dump me. I think I am all right but am I realy that bad.And that's. Why I need your advice smiledino thanks
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Now...what might put a girl off first date? Too pushy can be a turn-off. So can too heavy. But also too 'not pushy' and coming across as disinterested. If it's a girl who likes to dress well...you make the effort too. Don't turn up too casual. Take her somewhere she likes. Right at the very start of a relationship we tend to start seeking the approval of the other. Look for common ground, and also look for things you can have a healthy difference of opinion about. Most girls like well-groomed. Doesn't have to be excessive (male cosmetics are not to every blokes taste or style). 'Well presntable' might be the term. Try and talk, be as entertaing and amusing as you can be. Girls are usually much bigger 'communicators' than us blokes. (OK, there's the odd one like me who waffles on like a machine-gun and you can't shut 'em up!). Generally do all you can to make her feel special...don't miss a chance. It's not a case of being bad at all. Sometimes a girl will find in one date that you're just not what they're looking for. Afraid there's nothing we can do about that, much as we'd like to. To another girl, you might be EXACTLY what she's looking for. The whole dating game really is rolling the dice. The only way you'll never get knocked-back is if you don't try anything. Keep plugging away, dust yourself down and try again. That's what us blokes DO most of the time mate...girls are funny bits of kit and bloody hard to please!!!
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me & this guy grab each other ALOT & we both REALLY like it so he asked me 2 grab him & we got alone IN SCHOOL 2 do it & he said go 2 thi place if u want me 2 F u& I whent, I walked intha room he told me 2 grab im asked me if I liked it whent 2 a dark corner & told me 2 come ther , when I got ther he started taking off me shirt & I got really nervous & pulled away after i had collected my thoughts he pulled out HIS DICK & STARTED JACKIN OFF & told me to give him a hand job I did & he told me 2 suck his dick I did when we was done he told me to put his cum in my mouth I did well my question is is it normal for me to really like it and have a stroner tension for sex??? thanks we r 14 (link)
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Hi. There seems to be a lot of him 'telling you' what to do and even dropping it right in your lap and saying 'deal with it' in effect. Now getting aroused and giving your boyfriend a handjob when you're both 14 isn't at all unusual or abnormal by any means. The people who collect info from surveys and questionnaires etc will tell you the most frequent age they see as answer to 'First handjob with your boyfriend?' is 13 and a half. It will, in a way increase your urge to have full sex. But when it's all agreed between a young couple, it's more a way of satisfying each others urges for sex WITHOUT having full sex, if you see what I mean? He comes, and if he touches you intimately in a way you enjoy, it relieves your tension nicely too and affirms your relationship. If you hadn't said you 'really like it' I'd have said he was pushing you way too hard from the rest of your post. So if you're both enjoying it, yes...it's all perfectly 'normal'. Sounds a bit frantic...maybe that's just how it comes across written down? Thinking about those surveys, the most common answer to 'First full sex?' Well, the truth is it's a much older seventeen for girls. There's something much, much more emotionally significant for a girl in having sex first time than giving her boyfriend a hanjob, or oral sex. It might sound odd, but in virtually all cases it's correct. And of course it carries a risk of pregnancy if you don't both fully understand and agree on proper contraception You might want to think about that '17' answer...and WHY it's most common. And if he's trying to rush you into full sex before YOU'RE completely ready and happy about it, that's very definitely NOT ON mate, as you know!!! I know emotions can run high but full sex has to be a matter of full consent. So if it jumps out of his pants and he demands full sex instead of a handjob, and you're just not at all ready for sex yet, you should give him a firm, definite 'NO WAY'.
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13/f...well, I've told y'all about how my bf wanted me to have sex with him but i didn't want too, well...i wanted to..and we did. well, it wasn't really considered sex because, i was wearing a pencil skirt...with a thong and he had on khakis..with boxers (obviously) and i took off my pencil skirt and he took off his khakis we started grinding and stuff he kissed down my stomach but..we didn't really do "stuff"...is that considered losing my virginity? and am i considered a slut? (link)
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This actvity does not count as losing your virginity, and even if you do it doesn't make you a slut. I'd say at thirteen you're a bit young to be having full sex (where your boyfriend is actually inside you and ejaculates...into a condom that is...DEFINITELY). Usually girls are older when they first have full sex. Those who start at your age very often regret it. I don't mean 'regret' in that they all get pregnant...that's not the case at all. Just a personal regret that it was a bit too soon and maybe wasn't as great as they hoped. Because it was a bit soon. What you're describing on the other hand is very usual and perfectly natural behaviour for a couple your age who've been together 5 months. Best plan for you two might be that you keep your cherry a while longer, but have plenty of fun getting to know each other quite intimately, just like you're describing here in fact...(and no talk of being a 'slut' please!). That definitely makes him a proper boyfriend doesn't it? How does that sound??
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we are young teens and in te next few days are gonna have sex and im scared after we do it he is going to leave me what should i do (link)
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Teenaged lads have a kind of default reputation, this being "They only want sex, they'll use you for sex and when they've got it they'll have no respect for you...they'll dump you and move on to some other girl." And it's true that some do. But some, of course don't. Are you basing the belief that as soon as you've had sex he'll leave you on a reputation he may not actually deserve? Or do you genuinely feel that this is the likely course of events? Has he got a history of doing this kind of thing? If it's a sort of volatile, casual relationship and you're fixing to keep him around longer by NOT having sex...you're being manipulative too. And probably you should look for a new partner. As it's more a self-destructive mind-game than a relationship. So really you have to look at what is putting this idea in your head. A perceived fear, based on nothing tangible? Or a distinct, real possibility? You don't seem to be debating the fact that you feel ready to have sex, so it's not my place to question it either. Your problem appears to totally regard the outcome. Based on all you know of him, all you've seen and all you feel...how do you honestly think he'll react? Do you associate 'loyalty' with him in general, or completely the opposite? And so on. Perhaps you need more than the next few days to weigh it all up, eh? So don't get rushed into anything. Best wishes whatever you decide.
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Ok 14/f and ive started reccently to masterbate. I usually do it either at night in bed or in the shower/bath. First of all please explain what cum and orgasm means. Second, how can i cum or have an orgasm by masterbating? What is the common way? (link)
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Hi. Lets have a look and see what we can do. I dare say you've noticed when you're masturbating that it feels good and quickly starts to build up a sort of tension. Not a 'bad, stressed-out every-day' sort of tension. More a sort of tensing and tightening of all the muscles below your waist and a kind of 'waiting for something nice to happen' tension in your mind, right? What you're aiming to do is build that tension up and up until it's all suddenly released. The muscles have a series of spasms (they pull tight, release, pull tight again and so on until they're 'relaxed' once more. And when it happens your brain gets bombarded with really intense 'feel good' sensations. That is having an orgasm. The mind thing is exactly like the way a thrilling fair ride or extreme sports give us a 'high' from a rush of adrenalin. It's perfectly real, not a myth. When us blokes masturbate we virtually always reach a climax, and come. BUT many women, of all ages find pleasuring themselves satisfying and enjoyable even if they don't climax, or possibly climax from time to time and not every time. So basically, if you're not quite 'getting there' you're certainly not 'failing' in any way, shape or form. It's not a competition, or a race at all. Though possibly you might 'compete' a bit chatting with your female friends, in a 'who's going to be the first to have an orgasm' sort of way...which is fair enough. Naturally, you'd like one. I'm afraid it's impossible to tell you precisely what to do, where and for how long to press the magic button. Because every woman will find precisely what works for her best, by trying things out. Sorry if that sounds a cop-out. But the best you could get would just be a list of 'Some women do this...som do that...some do the other...' and so on which wouldn't say anything about YOU and what you will find best. So explore, take your time but don't get stressed if if takes a while, or you kind of defeat yourself, and affirm the 'I can't come' idea...which you don't want to do. In your favour, well...you've got all the right bits and you don't need anything apart from your fingertips. You do not need to buy toys or impovise with household objects, or poke things deeply inside yourself at all really. Quick word of warning, which I'll try to put tastefully. Because all the muscles 'down there' join in, when they're just about to climax a lot of women get a strong feeling that they're going to...well....pee! You can find out for yourself, or take my word for it...that doesn't happen. So relax, and don't let it 'put you off'. Also, we'll blow the (surprisingly common among younger ladies!) myth that when a women has a really great orgasm she kind of 'spurts something out' like the way a guy ejaculates. I'll assure you, there's no organ in a womans body that can make this happen, it's a myth. You might feel wetter tha usual, that's it. So if your mates talk about this, you know better! So basically, just keep enjoying yourself. You can't force it to happen instantly, but you'll know when it does. If something feels good, go with it. If you start to get tired and edgy, don't keep flogging it to death. Stop and try again next time. I'm sure you'll get there. Best wishes.
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I'm 13/F and му friend is 14/F I'm not sure if this goes in this thing but ya. So we did blodoy mary and nothing happened but we both felt a bad pressence or like something watching us. Then at 12 pm(10 min after we did it) we heard a big bang and got scared then we went down the street and there was a car accident and the 1 car was on fire. If му sister didn't go put in petrol it wouldve been her. Мє and му friend feel that its out fault cs we read something about bloody mary dying in a car accident and another 1 saying in a fire and both of those happened. Is it our fault? (link)
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Absolutely not! A coincidence and you didn't cause it. I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with a kind of interest in occult matters and superstitions. It's made a million entertaining books and films. Only don't take things too seriously will you? You will sometimes come across coincidental events which seem to defy reason, thus are supernatural then? Well...no. Simply take a rough estimate of all the things you'll see and experience in a day. Big isn't it? Now multiply it by the number of days you've lived so far. Humongous! Mad coincidences are not only likely, they're inevitable when you roll the dice that many times. So relax. You haven't cursed anyone, you never will. You're not in-league with dark forces! The spooky feelings? Try doing something you don't think you should be doing, something a bit bad...you immediately imagine loads of unseen eyes watching you. Waiting to catch you. It's a little quirk of the mind...call it 'conscience' if you like. And stop worrying.
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how would i get a girl to show me her boobs... can you please help me? (link)
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Impossible unless (a) she wants to. (b) she's drunk. (c) you're a glamour photographer (which doesn't really count because it's just your job and hers). (d) a doctor (which doesn't count either...just your job again!). And (b) only just counts too, for obvious reasons. Just leaves (a) then. Make yourself the guy she wants to show them to!
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Erm so theres this guy that i really like and he fingered me like twice and the thing is hes obviously expecting something back. Should i hand job him? And any tips on how please? (link)
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Well, you're clearly on intimate terms. If you enjoyed him touching you intimately it might be nice to 'return the pleasure' as it were. Us guys get quite (OK, very!) excited when a girl lets us be that intimate with her and particularly if she's enjoying it. I've got to stress that whatever you do depends ENTIRELY on how comfortable you feel about doing it. There's not really a problem about whether you SHOULD as such. There's no risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections of course. And it's perfectly acceptable behaviour for a young (you sound quite young?) couple. So you're going to answer your own question really...do you WANT to do it? If you do, basically you hold,and move your hand up and down the length of his erect penis. He'll almost certainly be fully erect as soon as you start. Out of excitement at the prospect alone. Start slowly, gripping resonably firmly and increase the rate over time until he ejaculates. You feel it twitching/jumping and throbbing in you hand at that point and he releases his semen in a number of rapid spurts. Usually about a good sized spoon full all told,and probably quite strongly (but not ridiculously so...hard to describe exactly). That's about it really. He'll DEFINITELY enjoy it, I'd bet my life on it!! You might both well feel a bit awkward, embarrassed even, first time. But if you can keep enough confidence up to keep talking with him a little, the odd 'How's that for you?' or 'Is that OK?' type question, and listening to his reply will help no end once you start. There's not much, anything really, that can actually go wrong, as it were. And in case you're worrying, semen is odourless, and completely harmless if it splashes on your hands or body...and won't ruin clothes. It's only by actually coming inside your vagina that a guy can get you pregnant. The only precautions you'll need are a few tissues!! Oh, and guys usually much prefer it if you keep holding them firmly until they've finsished, er...spurting shall we say, and not letting it go at the crucial moment! Providing they're not being pushed into doing it before they want to, most girls find it an arousing experience, and feel quite pleased with themselves too. If they think 'Yuk...that was gross'...probably not quite as ready as they thought the were? But at least there's no pregnancy fears and big emotional hang-ups that would arise from having sex too soon. Well, I reckon you've got ALL the dope there...not keeping anything from you. Fair reply? BUT (capital B.U.T!!) it's not his RIGHT as your boyfriend to get a handjob. You've go to want to at least give it a try...or it's NO SHOW! OK?
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basically I booty-called this guy last night. we both definately went into it thinking we would just get laid and it would be a one-shot deal. but once he got here, and we were having a couple drinks to get acquainted, it took off really amazingly well. I totally underestimated this person based on appearance and who he hangs out with. he is super clever and his personal philosophies jive with mine in a way no one elses have. it was just one of those amazing nights, where you feel like you've known eachother forever. we had spookily much in common and a lot of the things he said are things I straight up thought NO ONE would ever agree with me on. It was a really great and totally suprising night, he got here at 8 and we were up until 3am talking, non-stop, and never ran out of stuff to say to eachother for a second. he was just as suprised as me.
anyways, there is just one problem. although I am mostly physically attracted to him, like I want to kiss and cuddle and he smells amazing, his arms feel great, ect.. but his penis is well.. just not the right shape for me. I won't describe something that personal in detail but it basically feels uncomfortable inside me.
the other thing is, we are both very sexually submissive. I have been with a guy in the past who was like that, and I remember it being a struggle. someone is always compromising because someone always has to be on top. and I guess just because I'm eager to please the other person, I normally end up being the one to compromise. but it seems like even if that duty were split equally, that still means, at any given time one of you isn't really getting what you're into from the sex. so I dunno.
the sex wasn't bad but it wasn't exciting for me. but the way I felt afterwards was really special. I am not normally a cuddly person and can only put up with a few minutes of being embraced outside of sex, most of the time. normally I let the guy hold me for a couple minutes and then I roll to my side of the bed and enjoy my own space. but last night was really romantic for some reason and for the first time ever I didn't feel claustraphobic or uncomfortable in his arms. he held onto me all night long and I just loved it.
so now I'm confused. what are these feelings? it's more then a friend thing. I'm pretty much dying for his company. I creeped all his facebook pictures today and he was on my mind all day, I told all my friends it was the best first date I ever had. pretty significant considering it started off not even supposed to BE a date in any sense of the word. but by the end of the night it felt like one.
anyways now I'm just struggling with it. is the penis thing something I'll get used to? and what about this problem with both being quite submissive? I have never found a way around it in the past. it just sucks that no matter how you do it, one person will be less into it, you know? does anyone have any suggestions about it, or if you have dealt with this yourself, was it a problem for you? it might seem shallow that I'm concerned about this. but even though it was just one night I'm really into the guy, and I don't wanna be on a crash course where it just can't work out lol. I felt a deep connection to him, but is an emotional and intellectual bond enough to bring about a better sexual one eventually? is it something we'll just have to work at, or is that futile? I know that most of the times you have sex with someone the first time isn't the greatest. But it's not a case of that. Anyways, just wanted to get someone elses opinion on this, I honestly thought about it all day and still got nothin :P (link)
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Would you say it was easier to put up with, and hold out hopes of changing the whole character and presonality of a guy who precisely shared your sexual preferences straight away...or work on the physical side of the relationship with a guy you hit it off with beautifully in many/all other respects? (Long opening single sentence...or what??). Good, even great sex is unlikely to sustain a satisfying relationship beyond the first flush of passion. A good relationship, by comparison has every chance of honing and perfecting the sexual side. Because both of you are willing to try. There's so much more scope for give and take in the bedroom. Expecting, or even asking someone to modify their whole persona, their whole individuality, to be someone or something you want them to be rather than what they really are...now that IS a futile, unrealistic expectation. Even trying to do it will cause friction from day one. Making the sparks fly in bed...that we can leave in your capable hands. Use your imagination. Might both find yourselves doing stuff you hadn't thought you would, and certainly never thought you'd enjoy. Who knows? One thing is for sure, if your thinking long-term the amount of time you spend having sex will be vastly outweighed by the time you spend doing more mundane things...but things in which being on the same page is going to help no end. You could have the best of both worlds dropping right in your lap here. Shame to waste it based base solely on the shape of his tackle, eh? As a sideline...being assertive with him when you really want to be submissive...IS being submissive if you think about it isn't it? Something to conjure with maybe?? And since when did a successful relationship depend on a 'proper, official and certified date' as the opening gambit? Try spot when you start talking yourself out of a good thing. How often do we all do that, eh? We can find ourselves regretting the things we didn't do more than the things we did...within the bounds of reason, common sense and good taste, naturally. Good luck...trust your judgement...and no half-measures!
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i asked a question about, 2 days ago about weather i should be sexually active...i have to come to realize that i shouldn't, but theirs one thing. we have been together for 5 months as of Thursday. But, I'm only 13 and hes only 14, and wants to have sex. I've told him multiple times that i don't want to but he continuously talks about it. And he seems to get irritated when i say no. i don't want to break up with him, nor do i want him to break up with me...how do i tell him no so that he finally stops talking about it, without getting irritated? HELP! (link)
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This really is the big issue behind all the sound advice telling you to wait until you're ready, don't be pressured etc isn't it? The fact that the relationship depends on you 'giving in'? He IS putting pressure on you. He's the one who should be listening to advice really, telling him it's not good form. Now a lot of guys play this card with no intention of seeing it through. The only way to find out is to call his bluff, and see if it is a bluff. So you need to tell him you like him, you want to continue the relationship but you are NOT going to consent to sex until you're good and ready, however much he sulks or threatens a break-up. OK, you might lose him. In which case he simply wasn't the right guy. The right guy will want to have sex with you too of course. But when you're ready and happy about it. That's the big difference. Good luck mate, you'll find his true motive...if it's just sex...and you're not ready for sex right now...move on.
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So im 13/f and i turn 14 in a few months. Ive been facing alot of stress and ive started to cut alot lately. Ive been trying to find ways to cope with it. So i searched online for wayd to relieve stress and one of the most common was the pleasure yourself. I didnt really know what that meant so i did more research and this morning in the shower i thought about it. I thought it would be most sanitary in the shower so i lied down on the floor of the shower and tried it. Ive never actually touched down in my vagina so i was just making sure i put my finger in the right spot. So i used my middle finger and slowly eased it in to my vagina and it kind of stung b im so tight down there. I started getting used to it and started just moving it faster and faster in and out of my vag. It felt really good and i also at first started feeling around and moving my finger in there. People were right it does cause great stress relief! It felt really good but im not aure if i should continue. And should i start using 2 fingers instead of just one? Is it safe ? Is it usual to do this at this age? (link)
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It's absolutely normal, totally healthy and about a million times better than handling anxiety, relieving tension and stress by cutting yourself mate! And about a million times more pleasurable too, I should imagine...I've never deliberately cut myself...but I shouldn't think it's particularly enjoyable really? It teaches you about how you respond to becoming aroused, which will come in handy now you're leaving childhood behind you. As for your technique, well all women explore and discover what really works for them, and all have their own little favourites. Remember the whole area is sensitive to touch, outside and inside. If the slight stretching of two fingers really feels good for you, go with it...but don't overdo the insertion side of things too much until you've tried other variations, or you might just end up feeling sore rather than satisfied! Showers fine, as being hygenic is always a good idea. But nice clean fingers and lying in, or on your bed is not taking a hygene risk in the slightest, and where a lot of women feel most relaxed and comfortable. Well played with a bit of common sense and research mate. Shame all girls your age aren't as savvy and did the same before they started self-harming to deal with teenaged stresses and needs. Hope a few spot your post and read it if they're looking for help in fact! Your a fine, normal and well-adjusted young lady. Promise. Us guys do it too you of course. How about letting your mind imagine some hunky guy, a celeb or a guy you actually know, while you're enjoying yourself? Self-harming is a pretty neurotic and damaging practice, masturbating is neither of the above!!
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I am an eighteen-year-old female, single as of this month. I broke up with my boyfriend at the beginning of the month. Our relationship was awkward and I'm positive that 96% of it was my fault and here's why:
I am absolutely, utterly petrified of having sex. Sex itself doesn't bother me when it comes to romance novels, but it's when I'm involved is when I begin to panick. I realized this after I went to the doctor and she told me she was going to put something in my vagina. At first, I thought it was no problem, but when she actually sat me down on the table, I started to freak out and basically had a panick attack. It was the worst experience of my entire life. I felt completely idiotic afterwards as well, but no matter how hard I tried to calm down, I couldn't do it. She linked it to the fact that a girl inappropriately touched me back in middle school, but I personally don't think it has anything to do with that. Mostly because the incident was my fault. I was a stupid, curious kid. My doctor told me she wanted me to do it myself before she could do anything and she's giving me two months to overcome this fear and I haven't gotten one step close to doing it. Even thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. I was never bothered by any needs for sex before. I'm not easily aroused and I don't venture to do it either. And even during the moments that I am, I never touch myself there. I'm too terrified, and I can't even explain why. I suppose I'm expecting pain or I just hate the thought of something being inside me.
What I'm asking is if there is a way to overcome this fear by then? She suggested a couple very good psychologists, but I've already had a few in the past that have never really helped and right now, the money situation within my family is pretty bad. I've already talked to my mother and she said there was no way we could afford something like this. Is there anything I can do to overcome this fear or should I just return to my life of abstinence? I actually highly value my solitude, so it's not like living life without sex is really anything too terrible, right? (link)
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Hi there! Well the physical fact is that a human could in fact live a long and healthy life without ever having sex. But a healthy girl of 18 is going to be missing out on a great deal of lifes pleasures if she vows never to have sex. True, you'll avoid many of the troubles and anxieties too. But it's a big price to pay. And of course, no children. Reading through your comments there's a huge cause-and-effect circle that I think is your way of rationalising and justifying your 'no sex for me' mindset. For example, you're not aroused easily, so you don't touch yoursef...maps straight on to 'you don't get aroused easily BECAUSE you don't touch yourself.' And so on. Valuing solitude is no vice. I do myself, also highly. But we should not become obsessive about it, or try and use it to justify a situation which is forced upon us. Choosing solitude is very different from having solitude imposed upon us, is it not? With such a strong reaction to even the thought of sex the situation sounds what you call 'phobic' rather than an irrational and 'phantom' fear that you can be reasoned, talked and coaxed out of easily. You seem reconciled to the middle school event you mention. Normally something you have faced-up to and accepted loses much of it's power. It is the unacknowledged events which we even try to 'hide from ourselves' as it were that can create the strongest reactions. Strong BECAUSE they reside in the subconscious mind, beyond probing with logic and reason. Am I making any sense to you? So, phobias are NOT trivial, are very real, and seem able to resist attacks from logic and all the higher intellectual processes. They are more basic and elemental. They are capable of acting as brake on both what we feel and what we do. Being told, or telling yourself to 'Pull yourself together girl!' is not likely to yield instant (any?) results! I'm waffling in on, cos I'm digging a bit deep here...still awake?? OK...you have, for some reason a hugely negative response to the idea of sex. A step in overcoming phobias is often building, and then attaching positive responses to the object in question. So that the mind associates sex with 'good stuff'.Can you think of any positives about sex then? And bit by bit insinuate them into the act. It's hard to go much further on what I've got and with no feedback. A young girl will often worry badly about being penetrated first time. You'll find a million posts here on this very subject! But mostly they get through it fine. They find the advantages (physically very enjoyable sensations, a feeling of closeness, pair-bond forming...basically they find sex is a really life-affirming and enjoyable pastime. These good feelings are then firmly associated with sex. Is this why rape is so vile, and so damaging mentally to a woman? Feelings of violation, fear, humiliation, hurt...all become associated with sex? Try and find some personal positives you feel might arise from sex with the right guy. You'll want to feel close...it doesn't get closer than inside you. You're ALLOWING him inside, it's not intrusive or violent or unwanted in any way. It's not 'something inside you' against your will. Hope I've given you a few things to think about. There's not a magic wand for this one I'm afraid, not a definitive answer. Best wishes.
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15/f two nights ago i hooked up (made out) with an older guy he was my first kiss/hook up and i was wasted really bad to the point where i couldn't walk straight but i hooked up with him and it was fine and now there was a lot of people there and my friends know about it and when we go back to school on monday i dont want it to be awkward between me and this guy. like i have never talked to him before at all but we knew of each other and then it just happened but he texted me and asked me to hangout again and i said i couldnt and said i just want it to be one night thing. but if i see him again i dont want it to be awkward how do i make it not awkward? thankyouu (link)
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I assume the guy is at your school and you might meet-up? So simply avoiding him until it's 'old news' and long forgotten isn't an option. I'm afraid you've just got to tell him it isn't going to happen. There's no need to be unduly unkind about it, but you do have to be forceful. Avoid saying 'can't/couldn't see you'...use 'won't/don't want to see you'. It lessens the chance of misunderstanding or him getting a vibe that you want to but don't think you should etc. Try to suggest the drink made you go further than you would have, not that you only fancied him at all because you were off your face (even if that's true...bite your tongue a bit!). It's going to FEEL awkward, but his take on the meeting is going to largely depend on how well you front it out and keep your awkwardness dark. If you can, YOU approach HIM and start the dialogue off yourself when you chance to meet. That will tend to put you in the box seat for the rest of the encounter. When the penny drops and he realises that it was a one-off...end of story...he might be upset if he's really keen on you. Keep in mind it could have meant more to him than it did to you. So...hate to say it...there might be a bit of name calling and a few insults flying around. Keep you cool and try to rise above it. Avoid taking the bait. You're just looking to draw a line under the event and move on with as little fuss as possible, right? And finally, admit (but ONLY to YOURSELF!) that you did have a hand in causing it mate! Don't start gushing a million aplologies or you'll lose your high-ground completely! Just ONE 'Sorry if I hurt you in any way by letting it happen' type comment, no more. Best wishes!
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So i am 17 and a Junior in high school. I never really have had an official boyfriend because i am so picky. I have known this guy for 4 years and he is a really close friend, just this year I started to develop feelings for him he says he has had a "crush" on me since freshman year. He is very physical, he is always wanting to do more and more but i always say no because we aren't dating, but he lacks emotion BECAUSE he is also talking to this freshman in college which he is obsessed with but she pretty much plays him. Just yesterday i was getting to just end whatever we have but he started being really sweet and i told him he needs to choose, he said he didn't know who he would choose then he was like "you know i love you right and it wasn't for her i would be dating you" and i just rolled my eyes and he said "i swear to god i do." I just don't know why he is doing this to me and i don't know what is going on through his head. Help me understand?? Thank you. (link)
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This behaviour is a not very subtle or sophiticated attempt at control. Which is not a great character trait in a partner. He may have seen a chance to get his own way by manipulating the situation...which is simply opportunism and perhaps not too sinister. Or it might be a sign that he intends/desires to control & manipulate YOU in general. Which is more potentially damaging. I think you might be best served by staying picky a while longer. Really...saying "Hey...you could have ME if you open your legs...but if you don't...well, there's this other girl..." Makes you wonder, eh?? If the other girl sees through him too and won't play the game either it might take his arrogance down a peg or two. Which sounds like it would be the best thing that could happen to him probably. Give him a call if and when it happens!
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I'm a guy and I dated my best friend. She just told me she was bi wat should I do? I don't want to ruin this relation ship
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Depends what she means I reckon. Does she mean she's had relationsips with other girls in the past, and hasn't ruled them out in the future either? Don't worry, she's had previous partners and if it doesn't work out with you she'll have others is all it amounts to. The fact they were female makes no real difference, unless you need to be her first partner full stop. No relationship comes with a lifetime guarantee and over a certain age becomes unlikely to be the first for either. She wants a guy at the moment and it looks like you're the one. If on the other hand she means she wants to have physical/sexual relationships with other girls while being your girlfriend then you'll have to think carefully about the situation. It might seem acceptable in theory, as they're not 'other blokes' . But if she connects strongly with another girl you'll still end up being 'dumped' for someone else. And you won't feel any better about it because it's a girl who's pushed you out of the picture if you're keen on her. You're playing with fire a bit if she's wanting a boyfriend AND enjoy same-sex encounters simultaneously. You're clearly not disgusted by girls enjoying intimacy together or you would have run a mile when she said the word 'bi' at all. Some guys aren't so broadminded. Good luck.
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So I am 17 years old and i have been dating this guy for 6 months. All we have done is make out, he is a very horny guy and he always wants to do more and more. He wants to do everything, i think im nervous because i don't want him to think I'm bad at it. I am nervous about giving him a blow job because i have never done that before, and i am nervous about sex i just want to please him but i want to be good at it too. any advice as to what i should do?? (link)
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It's quite natural that you want to 'please' your boyfriend by being 'good at' all aspects of a sexual relationship. The best way to be good at sex is to feel reasonably relaxed, confident and perfectly happy with what you're doing. Guys are quite often eager to 'get on with it', do this...this...that...you know? It's a rather more
daunting prospect for you ladies, I know. And rightly so. You're putting yourself quite literally into his hands...you want to know he'll treat you with affection and respect. So go step by step, at YOUR pace. Give & take. Try not to get too fixated on 'being good at it'. I mean, wouldn't he be more than a little surprised if you gave him a blow job like a porn actress first time?? In all honesty? But when you're ready to try it, and want to do it and feel comfortable about doing...well it's hard to tell you why, but it WILL be nice for both of you. If you do it against your real feelings, too soon...then it won't be nice. If that makes sense? Of course, the one thing you mustn't just let happen naturally, without planning it is actual penetrative sex. You've got to sort out proper and effective contraception WELL beforehand. I'd suggest condoms, that he must use and use correctly. Less-than-great sex isn't life-changing, pregnancy most certainly IS. Best wishes...and go at your own pace. He's been your boyfriend six months, eh? Sounds like he's not just after casual sex and even if he wants more, he's prepared to take his time with you. SOUNDS PROMISING MATE...you'll be right!!
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