[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category? Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health? rainhorse68 answered Thursday April 11 2013, 7:16 am: Hi there. In order to overcome it the first thing you need to do is identify what may be causing it. Don't know what your age is. If you're somewhere between 13 and 18 it's part of the kit so to speak. It's when we do feel acutely self-aware or self-conscious. Some 'go into their shell' a bit. Some over-compensate and get a tad 'loud' in company. If you fit the age group, really the best thing is to let it ride. It evens itself out naturally. The quieter ones get a bit more confident, the loud ones learn to tone it down a bit. If you're older and it's persisting it might be a case of taking every opportunity to get 'out there' as much as possible, even if your first urge is to shy away. Take close friends along but try bit by bit to reach out to others when an opportunity crops up. People with any sort of disability need to fight hard to overcome social anxieties, as you'd expect. The rest of us, well it can focus on much smaller issues. I'm too tall, too short, don't like my shape. Even don't like the accent of my voice. But really, society is a very mixed bag indeed, and there's room for all of us. Etiquette is a rather old fashioned idea in modern society. But there's places it's still a mark of character. If you're a bit unsure of 'good form' in the circles you're in, try a bit of research on the net? Last resort, when you find yourself a bit out of your depth...watch self-assured others and mirror them. Few of us are totally at ease in all environments, all the time. Just some 'front it out' a bit better than others, that's all. One remarkable, almost istant fix I've noticed in younger people is to take a job in retail. At the point of sale, not stacking shelves. If you could happily fit-in a part time job for a month or two it could be a quick fix. Plus you get paid! OK, it's not what you want to do, you might be seriously over-qualified etc. But I've noticed that (especially teenaged) people seem to transform almost before your eyes in confidence when they 'have to' face the masses, in all their many forms and facets. How about a club or society? Fine art? Photography? Health club? With friends, or a scary 'on your own'. Really sink or swim that one, eh?? There is of course a much more deeply-rooted and harder to overcome possibility of agrophobia. If even the very though of going 'out there' fills you with dread panic...you might have to explore this possibilty. But it's very much a 'worst case' thing and much rarer than simply 'not feeling very good in company'. Hope I've managed to give you a few things to think about. You might have to take yourself out of your 'comfort-zone' to overcome it...which can be difficult. If there's any excuse to stay in it, don't we find it and use it? Walk tall mate, look the world square in the eye. Sure, take every effort to fit in but don't try and dissappear. Meet it half way, and say 'I'm here...what you see is what you get...take me or leave me'. Confidence does have a way of feeding on itself, just like insecurity...but this time in a good way. Of course, some people are much greater socialisers than others. Some a little more introverted. You could say 'Very choosey aabout their company' if you like. Neither's right or wrong. But if you feel you're a bit too extreme in this respect, feel like you're completely 'missing the party' it's worth tackling. Might just need a bit of practice and polishing of the social skills, no more than that. Good luck!! [ rainhorse68's advice column | Ask rainhorse68 A Question ]
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