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I have no idea whats going on in his mind, boys feel free to answer.
So i am 17 and a Junior in high school. I never really have had an official boyfriend because i am so picky. I have known this guy for 4 years and he is a really close friend, just this year I started to develop feelings for him he says he has had a "crush" on me since freshman year. He is very physical, he is always wanting to do more and more but i always say no because we aren't dating, but he lacks emotion BECAUSE he is also talking to this freshman in college which he is obsessed with but she pretty much plays him. Just yesterday i was getting to just end whatever we have but he started being really sweet and i told him he needs to choose, he said he didn't know who he would choose then he was like "you know i love you right and it wasn't for her i would be dating you" and i just rolled my eyes and he said "i swear to god i do." I just don't know why he is doing this to me and i don't know what is going on through his head. Help me understand?? Thank you.
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Dear "I have no idea whats going on in his mind",
This boy is playing oreo. He is smack dab in the middle. It looks like he is using you for action and is emotionally stuck with the college freshman. I say still be friends with him and let him be. He sounds like a complete douche, not a worth boyfriend for you. Let your first boyfriend be special, not someone that is head over heels for some college freshman.
Signed mooshoomary
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Sounds like he is caught in the middle. There must be something about each of you that he really likes and isn't sure which one of you is better for him. It is good that you aren't letting things go farter until you are together. Usually when people start having sex before they are dating it just complicates things, because then you aren't sure if he likes you for you, or for the sex, so A+ for that girl! I think what you need to do is spell it out for him. Tell him that you have feelings for him but you're having a hard time, knowing he likes this other girl as well. Remind him how you think she is just playing him and how you wouldn't do that. Explain to him what it is that is special about him. Let him know that you've never dated anyone, and he's the first one you've really wanted to be with. That should make him feel important to you. Tell him to have the same talk with the other girl, and find out what he needs to know about each of you to make his decision. Make sure he knows you just want him to do what will make him happy. Give him a time limit though or he may string you along for a very long time (people seem to like to do that.) Tell him you want to know if you are going to pursue a relationship with him, or if you should just move on, and that you want to do so in a specified amount of time, so he has until then to figure things out. If he chooses her, as much as it may hurt, you'll have to move on. You can stay friends with him, but maybe take a little break from eachother to let the feelings disappear. Or maybe he will choose he and realize he made the wrong decision and oome running back to you, which is then up to you if you want to take him back. If he chooses her, then you know he isn't the one for you. If he really does "love" you he wont string you along for much longer. Hope I helped some :)
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This behaviour is a not very subtle or sophiticated attempt at control. Which is not a great character trait in a partner. He may have seen a chance to get his own way by manipulating the situation...which is simply opportunism and perhaps not too sinister. Or it might be a sign that he intends/desires to control & manipulate YOU in general. Which is more potentially damaging. I think you might be best served by staying picky a while longer. Really...saying "Hey...you could have ME if you open your legs...but if you don't...well, there's this other girl..." Makes you wonder, eh?? If the other girl sees through him too and won't play the game either it might take his arrogance down a peg or two. Which sounds like it would be the best thing that could happen to him probably. Give him a call if and when it happens!
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Why is he doing this to you? Because he thinks he can have more than he can get.
What's going on in his head? He wants to mess around and he wants sex.
I really believe you deserve more than this guy. He does not love you. If he loved you, he would be with you and not talking to another girl. He's saying all this so that he can keep messing around with you. You can't keep doing things with him because it will never make him become your boyfriend. He's going to keep messing around with you, and keep talking to the other girl.
No good girl deserves a guy who says, "If it wasn't for her, I would be dating you." It was extremely rude and that is so wrong.
If he doesn't choose you, he doesnt love you. It shouldn't even be an option. If he really loved you, he wouldn't even be thinking of being with the other girl.
Stop talking to him and show him that you are better than this. You don't deserve to be second choice, ever. Find a better, respecting guy who wants to be with you and will treat you right. You deserve that.
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If I were you i would NOT go out with this guy because he saying these things just to manipulate you. He has a girlfriend yet he wants to mess around with.
You should leave him to his own life because he is taken and he sounds like a player. I may be wrong but any man who is willing to step out on his girlfriend is no good.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
P.S: To answer your question, sex is probably the only thing going through his head.
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You were probably right to roll your eyes~
"If it wasnt for her i would be dating you" ?
What kind of answer is that?! Nononono- He either chooses you, or her, he cant have it both ways.
He probably does like you though, but I wouldnt say he loved you if he's still after that college freshman. In fact, he's probably after her partly because she's a college freshman.
Youre friends, so just tell it to him straight, and if he cant give a serious answer then you can stay friends but go find someone else, cus he wouldnt be worth your time as an offical boyfriend.
Its okay to be picky~
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