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im scared after we have sex he is going to leave me
we are young teens and in te next few days are gonna have sex and im scared after we do it he is going to leave me what should i do
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, what you should do is hold off on having sex. If you're afraid he is going to leave you after you have sex with him then why should you have sex with him? You want sex to be special and enjoyable for both partners. If you think he is going to leave, you aren't going to enjoy it.
If he does leave, then why waste your time with a guy like that?
If you can't trust him, you can't trust him with your body. You shouldn't be used that way, it's wrong and you need to protect yourself.
Wait until you find a guy who won't leave you.
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I had the same fear. There are some things to consider here. Are you going to have sex because HE wants to? Did he bring it up or did you? How long have you known each other? I'm sorry to be asking more questions but those are things to take into consideration. I had sex for the first time when I was 17. I am now married to the same man at 21. I was scared to death that if I slept wit him he would leave me. The only reason I finally got over the fear is because he never pushed me. He waited an entire year before I was finally ready. Even when I told him I was, he sat down with me and asked me to make sure it was what I wanted. He told me he didn't want me to do it just to make him happy. You don't want to look back on your first time and regret it so make sure if you go through with it it's because you actually want to and know he respects you whatever choice you make.
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I have advised many times on this site that young teenage boys confuse love with lust. They have only one thing on their minds which is to have sex to relieve their sexual tension and usually will leave a girl after she gives into him.
Some groups of boys have even made a game out of scoring sex from girls. The more girls they have sex with the more points they score and virgins count higher than non virgins. This game has gone on for generations. There are times I think it is handed down from father to son although it was not passed on by me to my son.
You say you are a "young teens and you are gonna have sex and I'm scared."
First being scared is a safety valve we have that tells us not to do something. To ignore the warning this safety valve is sending could be harmful in many different ways.
You fear he will leave you if you have sex with him. You also probably fear he will leave you if you don't have sex with him. If this is true, he does not love you in the way you love him. He lusts for you. His only desire for you is to use you to relieve his sexual tension that boys suffer with more than girls while going through the early stages of puberty.
If all he wants you for is a vessel to have sex with, tell him to go home and masturbate. You are not a sex object and will not be used as one. You have far more to lose by having sex than he does.
As I told my son when he was your about age; he is only the fertilizer salesman. The girl is the one that has to tell her parents if she gets pregnant. She is the one that has to deal with being pregnant and what to do about it. She is the one that may have an abortion, have the child , give the child up for adoption or keep the child. These are all very tough decisions for her to make and if she is under the age of 14 those decisions will be made for her by her parents.
The way I see this if you do or don't have sex with him the chances are almost 100% he will leave you, so don't have sex with him. Having sex has to be something you want and not something you are forced or coerced into doing.
As a normal teenage girl you will have many more boyfriends before you go off to college and after that find a man you wish to marry. You have plenty of time to find a man who will love you in the manner you love him before you have sex with him.
I am not saying you have to wait until you are married. What I am saying is right now is not the time to have sex, your too young. Wait until your older and you find someone who truly loves and respects you. Finding this in a teenage boy is a rarity.
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Teenaged lads have a kind of default reputation, this being "They only want sex, they'll use you for sex and when they've got it they'll have no respect for you...they'll dump you and move on to some other girl." And it's true that some do. But some, of course don't. Are you basing the belief that as soon as you've had sex he'll leave you on a reputation he may not actually deserve? Or do you genuinely feel that this is the likely course of events? Has he got a history of doing this kind of thing? If it's a sort of volatile, casual relationship and you're fixing to keep him around longer by NOT having sex...you're being manipulative too. And probably you should look for a new partner. As it's more a self-destructive mind-game than a relationship. So really you have to look at what is putting this idea in your head. A perceived fear, based on nothing tangible? Or a distinct, real possibility? You don't seem to be debating the fact that you feel ready to have sex, so it's not my place to question it either. Your problem appears to totally regard the outcome. Based on all you know of him, all you've seen and all you feel...how do you honestly think he'll react? Do you associate 'loyalty' with him in general, or completely the opposite? And so on. Perhaps you need more than the next few days to weigh it all up, eh? So don't get rushed into anything. Best wishes whatever you decide.
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If you have any doubts about him, hold off on having sex.
You want your first time to be with someone who really cares about you and who you can trust completely. I'm not saying you need to marry your first, but you don't want to look back on your past and be resentful of your first time. You want to make sure it's with someone who respects you and cares about you, and someone who does won't take off on you the moment he gets some action.
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