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I really like this guy but we're not at all sexually compatible
basically I booty-called this guy last night. we both definately went into it thinking we would just get laid and it would be a one-shot deal. but once he got here, and we were having a couple drinks to get acquainted, it took off really amazingly well. I totally underestimated this person based on appearance and who he hangs out with. he is super clever and his personal philosophies jive with mine in a way no one elses have. it was just one of those amazing nights, where you feel like you've known eachother forever. we had spookily much in common and a lot of the things he said are things I straight up thought NO ONE would ever agree with me on. It was a really great and totally suprising night, he got here at 8 and we were up until 3am talking, non-stop, and never ran out of stuff to say to eachother for a second. he was just as suprised as me.
anyways, there is just one problem. although I am mostly physically attracted to him, like I want to kiss and cuddle and he smells amazing, his arms feel great, ect.. but his penis is well.. just not the right shape for me. I won't describe something that personal in detail but it basically feels uncomfortable inside me.
the other thing is, we are both very sexually submissive. I have been with a guy in the past who was like that, and I remember it being a struggle. someone is always compromising because someone always has to be on top. and I guess just because I'm eager to please the other person, I normally end up being the one to compromise. but it seems like even if that duty were split equally, that still means, at any given time one of you isn't really getting what you're into from the sex. so I dunno.
the sex wasn't bad but it wasn't exciting for me. but the way I felt afterwards was really special. I am not normally a cuddly person and can only put up with a few minutes of being embraced outside of sex, most of the time. normally I let the guy hold me for a couple minutes and then I roll to my side of the bed and enjoy my own space. but last night was really romantic for some reason and for the first time ever I didn't feel claustraphobic or uncomfortable in his arms. he held onto me all night long and I just loved it.
so now I'm confused. what are these feelings? it's more then a friend thing. I'm pretty much dying for his company. I creeped all his facebook pictures today and he was on my mind all day, I told all my friends it was the best first date I ever had. pretty significant considering it started off not even supposed to BE a date in any sense of the word. but by the end of the night it felt like one.
anyways now I'm just struggling with it. is the penis thing something I'll get used to? and what about this problem with both being quite submissive? I have never found a way around it in the past. it just sucks that no matter how you do it, one person will be less into it, you know? does anyone have any suggestions about it, or if you have dealt with this yourself, was it a problem for you? it might seem shallow that I'm concerned about this. but even though it was just one night I'm really into the guy, and I don't wanna be on a crash course where it just can't work out lol. I felt a deep connection to him, but is an emotional and intellectual bond enough to bring about a better sexual one eventually? is it something we'll just have to work at, or is that futile? I know that most of the times you have sex with someone the first time isn't the greatest. But it's not a case of that. Anyways, just wanted to get someone elses opinion on this, I honestly thought about it all day and still got nothin :P
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Would you say it was easier to put up with, and hold out hopes of changing the whole character and presonality of a guy who precisely shared your sexual preferences straight away...or work on the physical side of the relationship with a guy you hit it off with beautifully in many/all other respects? (Long opening single sentence...or what??). Good, even great sex is unlikely to sustain a satisfying relationship beyond the first flush of passion. A good relationship, by comparison has every chance of honing and perfecting the sexual side. Because both of you are willing to try. There's so much more scope for give and take in the bedroom. Expecting, or even asking someone to modify their whole persona, their whole individuality, to be someone or something you want them to be rather than what they really are...now that IS a futile, unrealistic expectation. Even trying to do it will cause friction from day one. Making the sparks fly in bed...that we can leave in your capable hands. Use your imagination. Might both find yourselves doing stuff you hadn't thought you would, and certainly never thought you'd enjoy. Who knows? One thing is for sure, if your thinking long-term the amount of time you spend having sex will be vastly outweighed by the time you spend doing more mundane things...but things in which being on the same page is going to help no end. You could have the best of both worlds dropping right in your lap here. Shame to waste it based base solely on the shape of his tackle, eh? As a sideline...being assertive with him when you really want to be submissive...IS being submissive if you think about it isn't it? Something to conjure with maybe?? And since when did a successful relationship depend on a 'proper, official and certified date' as the opening gambit? Try spot when you start talking yourself out of a good thing. How often do we all do that, eh? We can find ourselves regretting the things we didn't do more than the things we did...within the bounds of reason, common sense and good taste, naturally. Good luck...trust your judgement...and no half-measures!
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Note: When you and he are more of a couple and if you feel a long term relationship is going to grow from this relationship. A visit to a Urologist might be advisable to correct the bend in his penis. While you may become comfortable with the shape of his penis it is possible that the shape may cause him problems as he ages.
I have a basic philosophy when it comes to sex; it is all about communication. Of course this was intended to be a booty-call or a one night stand so talking before doing was not in the picture. Now that it looks as if this could grow into a relationship; you both have to discuss your likes, and in your instances of submissiveness, what compromises you can come to that will make sex work for both of you.
It appears that you have found someone who you can connect to on a great many levels, including sexual fulfillment, if you can find a compromise to one small area. From what you have written in the way you see him and connect with him in all other areas where you have so much in common. I would be very surprised that if you were forthright with each other on this one thing that you could not come up with a way to satisfy both your needs in this area.
As to his penis; what he has is what he�s got so to speak. Will you get accustomed to him being inside you? I believe you will; as your love for him grows and your continued sexual activity increases I believe you will learn to accommodate whatever shape his penis is. In any case now is not the time to bring this up to him. We men are just as sensitive about our penis as women are about their breasts.
Since you did not go into specifics as to the shape of his penis there is not much more information or advice that can be given. You could if you want ask you GYN more on this subject as far as your question as to whether you will get use to his shape. Your vagina and the muscles surrounding it are very elastic so to speak. If he has a small penis there are exercises you can do to control and tighten your muscles to grip him. If he is overly large you will stretch to accommodate him. As far as being large remember what is meant to come out of your vagina and it stretches to accommodate the exit of it.
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This is a complicated problem that is really based ob what you want.
Personally, I feel like you should give this guy a chance. Sounds like you are to quick to assume he isn't for you, maybe he's not. However, Don't you think he deserves a chance? Perhaps it's not really the fact that you both are not sexually compatible but the way it happened that turned you off? In my high school days I had a fling with someone, we screwed and afterwards I felt a bit awkward. Turns put I am not a "fuck buddy" kind of person but rather someone who wants a commitment to a person and a serious relationship. (Sadly it took that to figre it out) anyway, you both have good chemistry and I don't think you should let it go until you know. Maybe your right, maybe he isn't your type, only you know that. If he isn't for you then at least ya tried.
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