Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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adviceman49
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I met my girlfriend a year ago at school and we both had a crush on each other, one time around the end of the year we dated for two weeks then she left me. Then about a month or two later she came back to me and we started dating again, and she left me again. I went through depression twice now, and me and this girl are really in love, but I'm not sure if she's leaving me because of her bipolar disorder, she isn't on medication but if she came back to me again I was gonna talk to her about going on medication with her parents. I'm not sure though if she is leaving me because her bipolar disorder or what I need help to know what I should do and why she's really leaving me and if it is because her bipolar how can I make the relationship last where she doesn't keep leaving me because we both like each other. (link)
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This can definitely be a tough one. I have a best friend that is bipolar, not medicated, and she goes through men like shirts. She has a good heart but thinks with her emotions too much like a lot of teens and young people tend to do, and not rationally and logically.
I definitely like the idea of sitting her down and asking her what the reasons were for her breaking up with you before. You need to hear what she claims those reasons were because you need them to gauge weather or not shes thinking logically.
If her reasons are not logical after youve spoken with her then i suggest not getting back together because she may NEED meds to balance her out and if she refuses to take them then theres not really anyway to have a stable long term relationship with someone who cant think logically. Life for you two will basically be up and down from one moment to the next and youll be walking on eggshells just to make sure shes ok and wont go nuts over the slightest thing. I go through this with my friend and although i love her to death i just cannot be around her in large doses.
She can love you all she wants but if she cant think logically half the time then i just cant see this working out.
good luck and try to really really think about the answers she gives you once youve gotten them (if they even ARE answers) i hope you get what your looking for from her.
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Okay , so I really really really like this guy who is 17. I'm 14 . He turns 18 & 3 months later I turn 15. I've already talked to my parents about it, and they litterally have no problem with it ( I was so surprised ) but his mom does a little bit. She just doesnt want him to get in trouble.. I live in NC. I just want to know the laws of dating a minor. He's like the other half of me, we are like Bestfriends. & we've already had the talk about sex and stuff. There's none of that until the time & age is right.. He told me he would never make me do anything i wouldn't want to do. I trust him and we are happy. We don't date yet though, I just don't know what to do. Is the age difference bad? Would people look at us weird? should i care what people think? ): I'll love to hear all your advice and opinions (: . (link)
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His mom has every right to be worried my dear. Its usually the boy that gets things quickly turned around on him in the event that things go bad between you two and the girl wants to be vengeful and claim rape. ((unfortunately it does happen))
with age range, sometimes age is REALLY just a number sweetie. my story between my now husband of 13 years started just like yours. only i was 14 and he was 21! lol. im not 27, hes 34, and we're married and have a 3 year old son! = ) so dont fret too much over age range, if two people love and respect each other and the connection and devotion is there, thats really all that matters.
my husband and i are seven years apart. (ive always been naturaly wayyy more mature then everyone else around me and knew from a young age i wanted an older mature guy who has his life together) and for the record i NEVER got along with guys even close to my own age range as a youngster, guys were dumb and just wanted to play video games, or try to have sex with me, or do stupid things with their guys friends and nothing more.
My husbands family was naturally VERY worried as well but they got past it once they met me and got to know me, and soon after our parents met and they discussed how great a couple we were and that this was ok. CPS did get involved at one point later down the road in which my mother signed a paper saying that it was OK for me to be with him and im in cali. so thats a little bit of a look into how things work HERE.
Maybe you should have both your parents meet and talk so that his parents can get comfortable with you and not feel like your going to claim rape if the two of you break up. Get on their good side but dont push, be nice to them where ever you can and when the chance to speak about the two of you comes up, maybe you can try to slip in there and "even if things down work out between you and their son that you would probably still know each other because you have a really good friendship as well not just a bf/gf relationship" usually if you tell them that you were just friends first that will kind of comfort them and let them know that you KNOW each other well enough to know weather taking this next step was a well thought out idea.
if you spend time with his family, offer to help with things, cleaning assisting, just be personable and nice and im sure once they are comfortable with you they will love you ; )
Make sure they know that no matter what, your thoughts and ideas are well thought out and your eyes are open and your realistic about things. it will show that your mature, calm and collected, and that your rational and not just thinking with your emotions like alot of teens and youngsters do.
good luck. ; )
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I turned 18 a couple months ago and my parents have decided to kick me out and remove all my financial support. They said that they’ve covered my ass as long as they should have to and it’s time I learned how to be a part of the real world. What do I do? I have no friends, no relatives that I can live with at all. It seems impossible to get a full-time job with no references or work experience. I’ve submitted my resume to too many supermarkets, retail stores and frozen yogurt parlors to count over the summer and I was only been able to get 6 interviews for part-time work. And I didn’t get hired from any of them. It seems impossible to get a full-time job with no references or work experience. I can’t join the military either, it wouldn’t be a compatible job for me at all. They’d send me packing within a week. How can I go to college if I can’t even get money to live on?
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Ok, this is tough one but ill give you a few ideas maybe you can try.
I realize that you may have already tried this but have you told them that you've actively been trying and that you havnt been able to find a job at all? and that one day when they are sickly and want someone familiar to help care for them, that they wont have you if they want to act this way??
Just because your legally 18 doesnt mean that your mentally capable of being able to totally care for yourself yet and the tough love stuff isnt always the way to go. I understand that more then you know but you are all family and one day when one of them dies off someone will have to help take care of them, and if they want to abandon you like this then maybe they make sure to not try to call you when that day comes when they realize they are alone and old and need help but dont want to go into a cold bras tacks "old folks home".
The only thing you can do here is maybe ask friends you know what DO have jobs if they can help you get hired where they work, try over night stocking at a walmart maybe, or a home depot. Try to step outside the box a little on what you might be comfortable with when it comes to jobs because it sounds like with how uncaring and cold your parents are that this living on the streets thing is GOING to happen unless you can get them to see your side of things.
Im really sorry that you have parents who are so uncaring and cold hearted to you. Your still blood and there should ALWAYS be a way to work things out so that you can all "make things work" so everyone is happy.
good luck.
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I'm a 15 year old girl and I feel like I don't eat enough food. When I eat, I eat healthy non-processed food (my mom has a fruit and veggie garden) it's just that my portions are so small. I usually skip breakfast so I can make my bus that comes at 6:30 (I don't want to get up any earlier than I already do to get breakfast, so I don't). Then around lunch time I'm not really hungry so I'll have some carrot sticks and maybe a sandwich. Then when I get home my mom makes me eat dinner, but I sort of have a loss of appetite sometimes and only have about half of my plate. Part of the problem could be that I drink a lot of water and it sort if suppresses the urge to eat. And most of my time after school is spent on homework (all of the teachers say "this worksheet will only take half an hour", but if we have half an hour of homework in all of our classes.....) for the record, I'm not anorexic, I love my body. How to I get a better appetite and how can my habits effect me in the future? (link)
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Yeah how tall are you?? im a 5'9 foot tall female and im about 150 pounds (but i just had my first child a while back and still have the baby weight, but before that i had never been over 140 in my life. so alot of it depends on you metabolism as well. Im betting that if your 15 yours is super fast still and you (like so many other young people) can get so busy with homework and what not that you naturally just FORGET to eat! and thats ok it happens to us all.
Like the other poster said though, skipping breakfast can really damage you in the long run health wise. when i was your age and in school and had to get up early to catch my bus, i would plan things ahead of time so that it wouldnt cut into the morning routine if getting up early. Showering BEFORE you go to bed can also be better for your health because youll sleep longer and more restfully if your body is relaxed because of the hot water you were in, in the shower, i should also remind you that it cuts down on laundry a bit because you dont have to change the sheets and pillow cases and blankets as often if you get into bed each night ALREADY clean ;)
(if you get into bed without showering your not only dirty and sweaty but your also dragging into your house and your bed anything from when you were outside all day. so think about that one.)
also picking out your clothes ahead of time, and maybe whipping up something you can grab out of the fridge thats already made to take with you when you run out the door could save you a ton of time. ask your parents or whoever to maybe start buying you some granola bars or something you can eat while your on you way to the bus stop that will be good for you and help fill you up. drinking water is still fine but its not a food replacement and if you have some calories your body can burn in the morning, youll be able to think better and function better at school all day.
worse case scenario, theres a pill out on the market called cg-1 thats an actual weight gainer. it helps people "fill out" in a healthier way without making them fat. but of course you should talk to your doctor first and your parents. its a natural supplement that you dont need a prescription for but since your young i think it would be best to first visit the doctor like the other poster said and ask them if your the right weight for your height. ; ) good luck!
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I need help, I like my best friend, I've been liking him for awhile but I haven't told him cause I don't wanna ruin anything I know that if I tell him I will ruin everything but I really like him and I don't know what to do :( (link)
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Ok heres what i DO when i want to let a good guy friend know that i like him but that i DONT wanna ruin things between us.
When and if you can get him to talk to you to about other girls he likes, you can try to casually slip in there that "well i like you to but id rather not jeopardize our awesome friendship if its gonna ruin things" and just see how he reacts! ;) say that his friendship means more to you then a short lived relationship ever could.
but i should also mention that GOOD long lasting relationships are BUILT on friendship first! if the communication is already there it will make things a TON easier because your both already really comfortable with telling each other your wants and needs and the other not taking it wrong or feeling defensive over it because they know you and will know you "dont mean it like that" see??
so first what you can do it like the other poster said try to guage how he acts around YOU and how he acts around other girls that you KNOW he likes when your all in a group setting, because if YOUR in a relationship with him, you will most likely get treated the way he treats them. secondly does he talk to you about girls he likes? does he ask you for your advice on them and what you should do about any given female he might be lusting for??
you can also kinda of work your way into his heart by giving him "pointers" when he plans on going out on "dates" with other girls, like "hey make sure you take a shower and put on clean clothes before you go out on a date, no girl like a stinky smelly guy!" and JOKE about it, thats a huge ice breaker and he will see that your trying to help even if its with him dating someone ELSE. he will see that your trying to take care of him as a woman and his eye will start to look more and more toward you. (((ive had this happen many times)) getting him to joke with you about things like this will make him even more comfortable with you and get him to come to you more and more for things of this nature. good luck. ; )
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Me and my boyfriend been together for about 3 years now. In the beginning of our relationship, it was so romantic. He would buy me gifts, compliment me, & talk about his future being with me. We have been through our ups & downs! We started dating our sophomore in high school until now, we just graduated. Now we are heading to college. Through high school we have gotten into so many fights about him & females. He wasn't cheating but he would be too friendly. Its not so much of me being insecure I'm just afraid anyone will take away what's mines, him. He has even deleted his Instagram because I found out about him liking other females pictures & commenting on other females pictures. Before, it was never this way because it was me who he would do it to. But now, its not the same! I have had all of his passwords & when a female inbox him or comments on something his excuse would be "she commented on my stuff, she inboxed me, that's not my problem". He vary talks about the future & tells me he can't see it anymore because its me. I dont feel like I trust him anymore because I feel that he's always lying about something. I have proof but not enough. He even told me he doesn't know his facebook password anymore because he's changed it so many times because of me. We both have done things in the past but not for any of us to change our minds on being with each other in the future. Since we're both going to college soon, we are "deciding" to still be with each other but the bad apart about that is he's going to Memphis, Tennessee to stay! Long distance relationship? We are already going through enough. So how am I supposed to carry our relationship through all of this? Should I call it quits? I don't want to be with ANYONE if their intentions aren't thinking about the future. We've been together for 3 years & this is the longest ive been with anyone & for him. He tells me its me always thinking about other females but when I find out the littlest things it is. He's not the same person I fell in love with. He calls me crazy & everything! BUT THE SAME WAY I AM NOW HE USE TO BE THE SAME WAY!!!!!! I dont know what to do about the long distance or us period.... It's stressful. In the beginning, we always took pictures. We were the couple everyone loved.... CHRIS BROWN & RIHANNA! But now, he complains about him not like taking pictures. He doesn't like putting his face on social networks. So I asked like not with me right? So he's like no, I just don't like taking pictures anymore. Now all of a sudden. Since him not having a phone its hard for him to get in touch with me all the time but most of the time he does & when he does he'll tell me he's going to call me back & never do. I address it over & over but he calls me when he wants to then make up a excuse to why he didn't call back. Then I'll ask him where he at & he'll think I'll be accusing him, but that's not that case in most cases. What am I supposed to do when he leaves? This is really hurting me. I just dont know what to do because we've been through so much. I know he loves me but not like he use to. I need some advice! (link)
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First off, if he wont even take simple pictures with you anymore it sounds like hes already sort of emotionally pulling himself away from you because he knows that with you two going to different colleges that its most likely NOT gonna work out. Alot of times long distance ones dont, thats no surprise there because theres just too much temptation around you both and your miles and miles away from each other to meet each others needs (emotionally and sexually).
Also ive learned through my years of experience that usually even when a guy likes or loves you alot and already know in their head that its going to be over soon, they will sometimes nit pick at the simplest things and pick fights with you because their just begging for a reason to break things off with you and justify having the frustrated feelings they have right now, not because of you but because of the outside forces (like college) that will pull the two of you apart soon. Sometimes with guys dont know how to deal with those frustrated feelings they end up taking it out on the last person they should be doing that with instead of crying and showing it in other ways like girls do. its just his way of coping. It sounds like hes really internalizing it and IS stressing and just doesnt know what to do with those feelings so hes angry over it.
Im going to just be honest with you here. Hes ALREADY pulling away if hes looking at other girls and acting different. He knows you two will get pulled apart soon and hes looking at them to get his mind off you. dont take that personally take it as a compliment that he just cant take the separation so badly that hes trying to distract himself. theres nothing either of you can do to fix this other then one of you NOT going to college to stay together but thats a huge risk and one that im not sure you should take at this point.
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I'm a 14 year old girl and I want to dye my hair. In order to do this I would have to first bleach my hair (my hair is so dark that it's almost black so I have to bleach it for the due to show up) and then I'd dye it purple or blue. The problem is convincing my parents. They wouldn't even let me dye the ends with kool aid dye last year when I asked, and that would've only lasted a week, but now I want to dye it all. I'd still be willing to compromise and do it with kool aid and just renew the dye every week until the bleach wore out (is still have to bleach it no matter what method of dying I use). I don't know if they're worried about me looking stupid or damaging my hair or what but I guess I can sort of see where they're coming from with not wanting a daughter with weird hair.... But I still want this, so how do I ask so they'll say yes? It's not going to last for ever, probably just the rest of this year (4 months).
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Yeah the other poster has a good idea here. try getting another cool adult you know that your parents trust to talk with them.
tell them you "just wanna try something different" and that "hair grows back, its not forever" and if it ends up coming out bad that you can just buy some black hair dye to cover it up and no one will ever have to know.
Also, it might be a good idea to ask "well if i had a hair stylist do it, someone that knew what they were doing, would that work?" and see what they say.
there are also other ways to dye your hair without bleach that are semi-perm.
Theres this thing called "highlights for dark hair" it usually comes in a bright red which is a pretty cool color. You can buy a cream developer thats HIGHER then what it says on the box, and mix that together. then put it on your hair the way you want, and it will replace the pigment in your hair with that color and if you leave it on longer it will come out brighter!
((i did my hair this way for several years and had the most amazing bright red hair that take a WHILE to dull)) that doesnt require bleach either. I know alot of people are scared of bleach and if you dont know how to use it properly you shouldnt play with it at all.
(((i went to cosmetology school BTW and learned how to do it there))) ; ) good luck!
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My husband left my children and I July 2013. He walked out took the car. Junked it so neither of us could have it. During the marriage he stole from my father and from my son. For money. He'd lie about it. During the time we have been separated he meet a girl lived with her and her 2 toddlers and 1 infant. They didn't work out. I ended up having to move up north for support. I didn't have any family were we lived. I filed for divorce. Recently the last 2 to 3 weeks he wants to get back together he loves me and the kids he wants to be a family he'll go to church counseling find a job and keep it work hard. He says he's changed he's sorry I ask why he did the things he did he says he was stupid. He says I won't regret taking him back he wants to prove to me how much he loves me how much he's changed I don't know what to do. (link)
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Yup, like the other poster i have to say ive watched this exact same situation go down before too. Child like men who want to be taken care of and not have to take care of their own family by working a steady job and bringing home the bread.
I have personally always said a mans soul job in life is just to WORK and take care of the family! why is that so hard?! they dont have to give birth, and do everything that mothers HAVE to do thats just unavoidable. but if a guy cant even work a at the very least bring home the bacon then he is not a man. (obviously not counting disabled or ill people who are incapable of work)
Also if he stole from your children and dad what makes you think he wont do it again? hes obviously a very irrational person too if hes going to go and junk your shared car just to be spiteful. thats absolutely terrible and no one should have to put up with that. It was totally juvenile of him to do.
I say stay seperated for a while, and let him prove this stuff you spoke of FROM A HEALTHY DISTANCE, of course still allowing him to see the kids and visit but NOT stay. Tell him you want to see that he is capable of being independent before you make any moves towards taking him back. and see how long he can go without pulling something ELSE immature. For me personally stealing for his own children would have been the last straw. who takes money from a CHILD? lol. thats just ridiculous and i would have made him return that money ASAP.
good luck. i think in your heart you know what needs to be done here, but the ball is in your court and you have to put on your big girl panties and make the next move.
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I am a 33 year old man and I have been having an affair regretfully with someone for 2 years. I have tried to break it off with her twice and she always threatens to tell my wife. As long as I am having sex with her she doesn't care about my marriage. I am continuing with the affair for the sake of my marriage and I don't know what to do. (link)
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Omg you poor soul. Seriously, tell your wife man. This isnt worth it. things might seem bad now but if you dont come clean before this lady does it for you then things will be much worse. Having a women on the side is seriously nothing but trouble, and it will NEVER end well. not if they know they can hold that over your head.
If you have kids with your wife, have them go away to the grand parents for the weekend or something and tell her you want to just spend some time alone with her and stay in. Then tell her when your alone together so that any little ones dont have to be exposed to what her emotional outcome will be.
If you still love your wife in ANY WAY you will tell her. Its not fair to stay in a relationship and pretend everything is still ok when its not. your wasting your time and hers when you could both be moving onto bigger and better things.
Try to tell her why you felt you had to do this, and if its a communication problem tell her you would not object to counseling if she wants to set that up for you guys (because obviously you wernt getting what you needed at home for whatever reason) and usually its a comm. problem. Do the counseling if thats what she would want and see if you two are still compatible with each other. We all know that people change through time and even married people are still people and still go through some things mentally alone because you havnt fused your brain with your spouse. lol. sometimes people just grow apart and thats what may have happened her because you obviously felt there was something in you that you needed and wasnt getting from her so you went to someone else who you thought COULD only to have that person turn on you.
The sooner you break things off with this vengeful lady the better. Go back to the person you made vows with to love forever and tell her everything. and like the other poster said, cry, beg on your knees, and hope to god she wont be devastated beyond belief by what youve done. Make this be the turning point in your relationship, buy her flowers all the time, tell her how amazing she is and how greatful your really are to have her, and learn to communicate with her because her heart is really all your going to have left at this point, so try to re-spark that flame you two had years ago and keep it that way.
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We are very lucky to have a place to stay tonight but I am not sure where we are going from here. We are homeless & don't have that much money. My parents, brothers & I been staying in the car & we don't have anyone we can stay with. I have been applying for a job like crazy. We live in Texas. What do we do?
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Have you tried applying to the local homeless shelters?? even if theres a long waiting list, if your with a child or children you can be considered higher priority. You didnt really give enough details here for me to really help, but you can also look into womens shelters, they take in women with kids on a temporary basis, and provide job resources. i think they also let you stay longer too. not totally sure though.
Also you didnt state your age, how many people are with you, nothing, and that is usually what their looking for when trying to get into a shelter. also look into places called "food pantrys" in your area. they are places that give food to the homeless on a regular basis based on donations from people. its totally free and you dont need anything to qualify.
also, you might check into a place called "labor ready" if your brother is over 18 and strong enough to work, he can go there early in the morning apply for a job and they give people day jobs and you get paid in cash the same day. It works on only a daily basis though so that job wont be there the next day but if he keeps going back and gets there early he could be considered first to get a job planting trees for moving sand bags or whatever they have for that day.
thats all i can think of right now. good luck
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How do I act at school to be liked and to get more friends? I am from England Uk (link)
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Yes, like the other poster said, try to be friendly.
Also try to remember that people care about others that care about themselves, to if you act like your a strong person, you carry yourself with confidence then you shouldnt have any issues. Try to be cool with a little bit of everyone so you can kinda know everyone thats in every "circle" in your school, so if you ever fall out of favor with one group, youll always have others that will welcome you in.
Try to dress presentable, but dont try to act "better then everyone else" word will get around that even though you look good and all youll still talk to others and give anyone a chance with you (to be friends) ; ) Ive found that usually the most popular people in schools (cause i jumped around alot in my school years) were people that KNEW at least one person from every circle in the school. You can even create your own circle by welcoming in people YOU like instead of having to think you need to join one like most school kids think when their just starting out. Try to cool with people and if the "popular" kids give you problems about talking to curtain people that "arent cool" just say you dont know them THAT well and you just see them around so they say whats up every now and then thats all. people just like to talk to you, no one can help that. you cant stop people from trying to talk to you. lol. (((people will be jealous in NO time flat if you can get that, and youll begin to be considered popular)) that what i did in school and even though i didnt think it was true, i was and still am considered one of the most popular people at my school. All i did was be cool with a little bit of everyone its that easy. ; ) good luck!
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*didn't know if this was the right catagory*
I've been really busy and I kept forgetting to brush my teeth (Which I am now) but a few days ago I noticed a bump on the bottom right back side of my mouth on my gums. Its tender and hurts sometimes because I accidentally bite on it (my teeth are crowded and I have an overbite) It's also covering a tiny tiny tooth over halfway (but I could never really feel the tooth so I assumed it was broken off) I'm really scared. How can I get this to naturally get this to go away!? I brushed my teeth 4 times in a row just now and its still really tender.
Please help me find a way to completely get rid of this problem! Naturally (because my family doesn't have the money to take me to the dentist (I'm 16) and I haven't been to the dentist for 7 or 8 years, but haven't had this problem until now)
I'm sorry for the long question and thank you so much! (link)
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Ok it sounds like you have an whats called an abses on your gum. ive had this before i know what your going through. stop brushing your teeth a whole bunch the only thing youll do is irritate it more. Brushing your teeth normally from this point on is what you need, also you can rinse your mouth out with a little hydrogen proxide after its foamed up a bit to keep anything else from making it worse.
It sounds like you need to go to the dentist anyway no matter what you have because crowded teeth and all that can create problems. your 16 and that also means you will (if you havnt already) need to get your wisdom teeth pulled as well. So your going to need to get to the dentist and have that abses cut open and drained, and stitched closed depending on how big it is. with the size your claiming it is, it sounds like its pretty urgent. If you dont get it taken care of you could end up in the hospital because the infection could get into your blood stream and poison you.
talk to your parents about getting your whole mouth fixed, if their low income, they can work out something with the dentist like a payment plan or have them bill you. Theres a way around this if your parents are willing to look into it.
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Here's a picture of me: http://i.imgur.com/e2uF7w6.jpg
I have a stupid haircut and i don't look good.
I have no idea what hairstyle would look good for me, but could someone tell me what hairstyle would look best with my face? Every time I've asked this, people have just made fun for how I look; I know I'm ugly, but I just want legitimate advice as to what would look good for me. (link)
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this is too hard to answer because we cant see what you look like. i went to cosmetology school, i can cut hair and do it all, but if i cant see you then i cant offer any help. sorry.
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I'm from asia and i will hopefully graduate BS Biology as my pre-medicine course. I want to study medicine, however I want to have my further study in Finland because they have free education and I don't want to be stuck in my country in my whole life. I'm so confused on what to study to become a doctor. It says that I should study licentiate of medicine and or study an undergraduate degree first before licentiate. However i'm not so sure if i am qualify to study licentiate with my BS biology degree only. Pls help me about this because I'm confused. Am I qualify to study licentiate? I'll be 20 when i will hopefully graduate in my degree now. I did various research but still confused. I made early plans because i really want to study their. Thank you very much. (link)
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im really not qualified to answer this. best of luck though.
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My father took everything of value and left us.
My mother is mentally ill and now has no insurance(so she's off her pills).
My sister is a major suck up to our mother(Favorite child).
Were stuck in an Extended Stay hotel and,its sucking up all the income we have.We have tried all "free" places for medicine and help.But our income is too high,but its not enough for us to live on.
I barely make $150 a week from my job and, its considered part time.I'm at my job all day from 10AM to 4PM and,they don't consider it full time.So because of the time and all the work,I can't get a 2nd job.We have no car,so we take the public city bus everywhere(which is $1.50 there and back per person).
My problem is my mother.She's always been an mental abuser and only to me.She says that "I'll never be anything","I'll never go to college,and even if I did I'd fail it","Ill never be anything in life,or have a husband let alone a boyfriend"... That was just this week.
She said that to me because I told her to "hold on one moment" while I was filling up water bottles,and she wanted me to look for a phone number for her.It only took 2 minutes and I couldn't look away or I'd have water on the floor.
My sister is a major suck up to our mother.She sides with her even when moms wrong.She won't stick up for anyone and can't even keep a job that long.she keeps calling out at work and lying to them about why.I tell her to quit it and I get screamed at by mom (mom encourages her to call out).
Right now I got no friends,because I don't have time.I got no other family to go to,and right now mother plans on leaving with my sister.They plan to go to grandma's and I can't come.she made that clear.Were all old enough to be on our own,but we weren't ever encouraged or pushed to go on our own.Our mother was one of those ones that did everything for you,even when you didn't want her to (tried getting her to stop,but that only made her mad and she'd guilt me into letting her).
So where do I go?Do I leave my job and beg my deadbeat dad to go,live with him in another state?
Or do I take my chances on the street?If I do that I lose everything I own. (link)
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How old are you exactly??
If your of age, you should NOT leave your job, try to get more hours, look for a roomate on craigslist or some other website and try to work out something so that you can have a roof over your head and save up money just for now until you can get your own place.
About the friend thing: are you SURE you dont have any friends? none of them you could reach out to that you havnt seen in a long time that always cared about you and maybe you dont realize?? if so try reaching out to them and telling them your situation. see if they offer help. Alot of times people dont realize that there ARE people that care about them and would take you in, in a time of need and you just have lost touch with them. so give that statement "i have no friends because im too busy" a second though before you say that. you probably do, you just havnt spoken in a while and they might be totally happy that you got back in touch and not only that but offer to help in some small way.
If your mother is threatening to leave with your sister then say "just go then and stop talking about it" because in all honesty it could just be a threat because she knows it will upset you. Alot of times when you just stay calm, and not let them see that your upset, they will realize that whatever it is their doing isnt working anymore on you and become scared that they no longer have as much power over you as they thought they did. this can inspire them to change on their own, because people change given enough time.
I say, take it upon yourself to get out. your mother obviously thinks she has things figured out, so what might be best for you is to find someone you can stay with just for right now so you can work, save up, and get out on your own or find a roomate. the dysfuntion here sounds like its on a large scale and being there isnt benefiting you at all. even if your struggling you may be mentally healthier and strong given some time if your AWAY from your mother.
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i liked this girl i started dating who i thought was an innocent girl. in fact i didn't even try to kiss her until the third date because of how innocent i thought she was. well the thing is after i kissed her and don't ask me why we started talking about sexual experiences ( i thought she had practically none so what did i have to fear). well i found out she is what is known as a virgin slut or virgin whore, a girl who is still a virgin but has kissed around 40 guys and had blown off 4 guys just because she was horny and returning the favor after they had sucked her off.
i feel a little disgusted with the horny attitude with random guys in the past and don't know what i should think.
anyway, she is leaving the country for a year so we broke up but still talk as friends. we only kissed so i didn't even get blown off myself but she is going to do some religion studies outside the country, meaning no more sex life for at least that year (no kissing, no nothing). the thing is she went to Aruba as her last opportunity to party and i hate the feeling i get when i think about the certainty of she kissing at least a couple of guys a night (which really doesn't bother me that much)and the possibility of she sucking a guy off just because she is horny (that one does bother me).
i know this inst exactly a question but i need counsel from someone.
thanks in advance. (link)
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Well if you broke up with her already then theres nothing to worry about now there huh? Yes you feel disgusted but that will fade in time, and so will the memory of her.
She gone now so you can start over with another girl thats not like her or the nasty things she does. Not really sure what kind of an answer you were looking for but thats what came to mind for me.
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Hi! Can anyone join avon? If you can then how do I get started and if you have done it before was it worth it?
Thanks! (link)
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I used to sell avon and its great if you have the TIME to put towards it. other then that, it only gives you minimal to not cash unless you sell and pass out booklets alot with you name and number on it and are cool with strangers calling you.
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I'm Male, 19 years old. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 16 months. We're both virgins. Lately, since I started working, I've had the temptation to just go out and cheat. I'm always super horny and fantasizing about doing stuff with other girls. I love my girlfriend and I feel super guilty for wanting to cheat. We never really do anything besides kiss. I don't want to pressure her into doing anything she doesn't want, and I don't pressure her. But she'll do stuff that hints that she wants to do something, then doesn't do it. Like sometimes we'll be sitting and she'll grab me and/or stroke me for a few seconds then stop. Sometimes she'll put my hand on her crotch so I could rub, but we never go any further. I work at a busy place in nyc, so I'm always seeing and meeting nice attractive girls. I always fantasize on my train commute too. Like everyday. Sometimes I even wonder about calling an escort, but I don't want to mess up. (link)
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well the simple answer is no. you should still not cheat. chances are though if shes hinting in the ways your talking about like that, then she probably wants to start and then wants YOU to take over and go in for the kill. how do you know she doesnt want do something if you dont try??
In my experience ANY woman who initiates sex like that WANTS it and just doesnt want to say it because they want you to be the man and take over.
Dont cheat please. youll only hurt her and then regret it later. if it doesnt work out then just break up with her. its not worth all the hurt this will cause.
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Jist of what happened in the past
- I liked his best friend, same college
- We met and even though things got messed up ended up liking each other
- Started dating when he passed out (im still doing my undergrad)
- we have been dating a year. I'm 19 he's 22
- our parents know about us and we have met both sides
- we met in college and then he passed out and started giving exams
- he couldn't clear the exams he gave so his parents got paranoid about him going on the wrong path or getting distracted because of me
- he promised his mom hed clear the last exam for us to prove to her he can do something
- he started working with this ngo in town so we would see each very often
- our friends knew and he even told his best buds that he'd marry me if we continue dating for a while
- we never had any problems even though he is a bit flirtatious with other women he was loyal to me
- Had a few fights because of the guys friends I had but it was all sorted out
A week back since I'm on vacation across the country he texted me saying that his result came out and he didn't clear it so he had to break up to concentrate on his career
He said he still loved me but he had to let this go since we were mad about each other. He said he hoped we got back together but couldn't promise anything for the future and didn't want to give me false hopes.
He said I was the best thing that happened to him. He also said his parents raised him and he needs to make them proud by achieving something in life and hence he needs to give up all the distractions in his life.
Its been a week and he wouldn't answer any of my calls or messages and has completely cut off. He told his friends he called it off and didn't give a reason and he wouldn't reply back to my friends at all.
I don't know what to do. I want him back because I love him even if it involves waiting but I don't know what is going on in his mind. I am also scared out of stupidity hed go any do something really reckless to get over me.
I don't know what to say to him when we meet when I get back but I am willing to do anything to rectify this. Do you have any advice as to why this happened and it could truly get him back? Or am I living in a dream world where fairytales exist and he is truly over me? (link)
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In my time, i have never seen someone just cut someone else off that they really care for to the degree your making me believe right now without it being a major thing. i do however understand the pressures that parents can place on a child to be the best.
The issue that should be asked here is, how willing is he to please them, and how much of his life is he willing to give up (you included who makes him happy) just to please them. A child will only go to certain lengths before theres a breaking point. I say if you can talk to him try to view in from that angle, because sometimes when parents put TOO MUCH on a childs shoulders, everything folds like a house of cards and they end up hating their parents forever because of the unrelenting pressure to be what they want him to be. If he had to give you up and you were the one that makes him the happiest for his parents then you can bet money he is in pain right now. but if hes not willing to tell them "look its not like that shes not a distraction, and your just looking for something to blame my failings on then youve got the wrong person" then theres only so much you can do.
theres going to come a time when he gets tired of their incessant B.S. because they want to carve his life the way they think it should be instead of letting him make his own way. Maybe not now, and maybe not over you, but it WILL happen eventually. The best thing you can do is tell him youll always care for him, and if he ever just wants to call and just talk that youll be there. Being supportive is going to be your biggest aset here, because you dont know what they could be trying to convince him of, in the hopes that they can say something like "ohh well you didnt need her anyway because she didnt even call you on your birthday or etc." (basically coming up with excuses for why your not good for him) so that he'll "forget about you". brainwashing could be a huge part of it if he was able to drop you so easily/what seemed easy based on what you said.
Your not living in a dream world, you clearly care for him and its a huge shock that he would just cut you out of his life. i know this road more than i want too trust me. He might HAVE to hit "rock bottom" or do something bad to try to get over you but if he loved you then it wont be that easy....good luck sweetie ; )
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21/f, 27/m
Some information about us that relates to this question: I have been dating this guy for two months now. We have not discussed whether or not if we were exclusive. We are talking to other people, but we're not seeing anyone else other than each other. He's admitted that he would like to be exclusive and that he would be upset if I dated other people... But we have not officially stated whether or not if we were exclusive. He's going on vacation from Friday-Early Monday morning. Usually when he's on a trip, he doesn't talk to me much. But, he used to?
To the story:
We went to see a movie three days ago and after the movie, he found out that my recent ex-boyfriend came by that morning to pick up his things (we broke up months ago). This started by me saying that I finally have my closet back and he asked if my sister was using it, I said, "no" and he said, "then who?" I told him it was my ex-boyfriend. I told him way ahead of time that my ex-boyfriend lived with me for awhile because he got kicked out of his house and had no job, no place to stay, so my family took him in for a while.
The guy I'm dating said, "that's weird that he's still there." I told him that he wasn't, and that he was just there that morning to take his stuff back. And he just looked at me and said, "you're weird. You're really weird. I'm going to go now. Have a good night." And left.
I texted him a few minutes later and asked, "why am I weird? I obviously said something that upset you. What's up?" And he didn't reply the rest of the night and he texted me the next night and told me that it's not the fact that I've dated a lot of people, it's the fact that a lot of them are still in my life. This included the people I dated when I was 12, 14, and 16 years old.
I told him that I'm the type of person who doesn't look back whenever I date someone. Once I move on, I move on for good and it'll be hard to rekindle the relationship. I'm not saying that it's impossible, but it's highly unlikely. I also told him that I see my exes here and there and talk to them, but not as often as before. I also told him that I also completely understand where he's coming from, especially if he was worried about my previous serious relationships.
I asked him, "what would you like me to do? What would make you feel better?" And he responded with, "I can't tell you to change that." I told him, "Can you please try to work with me on this? What will make you feel better? Do you want me to cut them out completely? Do you want me to keep my distance? What would you like?" And he told me that he was about to pass out and that he would respond to me the next day. The next day, he didn't text me so, I texted him to see if he has decided anything. He told me that he didn't have the opportunity to think about what I said yet, so I told him to let me know then. Knowing that he was on a trip until Monday morning, I was thinking about waiting until then...
but the more I think about it, that's BS. He didn't get the time to think about what he wants? Why can't he just tell me? If he wanted to end things with me, why wait until Monday? I'm wondering on what's going through his mind right now. Is he doing all of this because he thinks that he doesn't have the right to since we're not "officially exclusive"? Why do you think it's taking him so long to answer? Do you think it's because he's actually busy? Too busy to not send me one text all day? What do you think I should do? (link)
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I have to agree with Razhie on this one. Your barely even together and hes already trying to play with your feelings because he probably your into him. Also razhie is right, not every guy is worth holding on to. He may be cute, smart, funny, and seem really "on the same page with you" but that doesnt mean anything when its this early on. Cutting off people that really care for you as a friend or family member even though your not related is not the way to go either.
what would happen if you two eventually broke up and you really could have used the support of those people you cut off just for him? i always say to friends (more so girls than guys) "theres YOUR LIFE, HIS LIFE, and then you life TOGETHER" this means that he will still have his own life independently of you and you will of him no matter what your relationship status is through this life.
Dont through away all that you hold dear still just because a guy gets his underwear in a little bit of a bunch over who you still choose to talk to. If he truly wants to be with you, and you with him, he will trust that you are capable of controlling yourself when your around or talking to these people, and he shouldnt have the right to choose for you selectively who he "approves of". thats a form of control that can/will grow worse and worse as time goes on. hes the guy, lets try being a little old fashion here and let HIM do the foot work. your worth it!!! ; )m good luck sweetie.
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