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He's not okay with my exes, I asked him what he wants, he doesn't answer?
21/f, 27/m
Some information about us that relates to this question: I have been dating this guy for two months now. We have not discussed whether or not if we were exclusive. We are talking to other people, but we're not seeing anyone else other than each other. He's admitted that he would like to be exclusive and that he would be upset if I dated other people... But we have not officially stated whether or not if we were exclusive. He's going on vacation from Friday-Early Monday morning. Usually when he's on a trip, he doesn't talk to me much. But, he used to?
To the story:
We went to see a movie three days ago and after the movie, he found out that my recent ex-boyfriend came by that morning to pick up his things (we broke up months ago). This started by me saying that I finally have my closet back and he asked if my sister was using it, I said, "no" and he said, "then who?" I told him it was my ex-boyfriend. I told him way ahead of time that my ex-boyfriend lived with me for awhile because he got kicked out of his house and had no job, no place to stay, so my family took him in for a while.
The guy I'm dating said, "that's weird that he's still there." I told him that he wasn't, and that he was just there that morning to take his stuff back. And he just looked at me and said, "you're weird. You're really weird. I'm going to go now. Have a good night." And left.
I texted him a few minutes later and asked, "why am I weird? I obviously said something that upset you. What's up?" And he didn't reply the rest of the night and he texted me the next night and told me that it's not the fact that I've dated a lot of people, it's the fact that a lot of them are still in my life. This included the people I dated when I was 12, 14, and 16 years old.
I told him that I'm the type of person who doesn't look back whenever I date someone. Once I move on, I move on for good and it'll be hard to rekindle the relationship. I'm not saying that it's impossible, but it's highly unlikely. I also told him that I see my exes here and there and talk to them, but not as often as before. I also told him that I also completely understand where he's coming from, especially if he was worried about my previous serious relationships.
I asked him, "what would you like me to do? What would make you feel better?" And he responded with, "I can't tell you to change that." I told him, "Can you please try to work with me on this? What will make you feel better? Do you want me to cut them out completely? Do you want me to keep my distance? What would you like?" And he told me that he was about to pass out and that he would respond to me the next day. The next day, he didn't text me so, I texted him to see if he has decided anything. He told me that he didn't have the opportunity to think about what I said yet, so I told him to let me know then. Knowing that he was on a trip until Monday morning, I was thinking about waiting until then...
but the more I think about it, that's BS. He didn't get the time to think about what he wants? Why can't he just tell me? If he wanted to end things with me, why wait until Monday? I'm wondering on what's going through his mind right now. Is he doing all of this because he thinks that he doesn't have the right to since we're not "officially exclusive"? Why do you think it's taking him so long to answer? Do you think it's because he's actually busy? Too busy to not send me one text all day? What do you think I should do?
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I have to agree with Razhie on this one. Your barely even together and hes already trying to play with your feelings because he probably your into him. Also razhie is right, not every guy is worth holding on to. He may be cute, smart, funny, and seem really "on the same page with you" but that doesnt mean anything when its this early on. Cutting off people that really care for you as a friend or family member even though your not related is not the way to go either.
what would happen if you two eventually broke up and you really could have used the support of those people you cut off just for him? i always say to friends (more so girls than guys) "theres YOUR LIFE, HIS LIFE, and then you life TOGETHER" this means that he will still have his own life independently of you and you will of him no matter what your relationship status is through this life.
Dont through away all that you hold dear still just because a guy gets his underwear in a little bit of a bunch over who you still choose to talk to. If he truly wants to be with you, and you with him, he will trust that you are capable of controlling yourself when your around or talking to these people, and he shouldnt have the right to choose for you selectively who he "approves of". thats a form of control that can/will grow worse and worse as time goes on. hes the guy, lets try being a little old fashion here and let HIM do the foot work. your worth it!!! ; )m good luck sweetie.
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I am just guessing that he may be an insecure man. I could be wrong but this type of behavior is generally typical of that. If a guy has low self esteem or gets jealous just hearing about past boyfriends/relationships or current male friends talking to you, then it is a good possibility he is always comparing himself to others and measuring himself in worth and in his mind finding himself to always fall short. This is a cognitive problem and there is counseling for that but I am not the professional and I dont really know this guy of yours so I can't know if something else is going on currently in his life that is causing him to act this way. Good communication is important to having a health rewarding relationship. If he is not going to make the effort to come out and share and really talk to you and give explanations, then you may not want to spend anymore time on him.
Thats up to you tho. But if he won't talk, theres no way for you to know for sure whats causing his behavior so you can either give him understanding and support or encourage him to seek help or whatever the situation needs. Good luck dear!
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He is just too afraid that one of your ex boyfriends might steal you away from him. He seems insecure. Show him that you like him and not them. Instead of telling him that you don't like them and have no interests in them, tell him that he is the only guy you want to be in relationship with and show him that he could trust you not because your trust worthy, but because you like him and only him.
No, I don't think that the reason why he isn't texting you is because he is busy, it takes 5 seconds to write a text, I'm pretty sure he had some free time. He probably doesn't know what to do and he is possibly considering to stay away from you, but if you really care about him, then do something and win his heart back.
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I think you should stop trying to read his mind and figure out what is going on in his head, and start asking yourself what is going on in your own head!
Is this really the sort of guy you want to get serious about? Do you want someone in your life who doesn't listen to you when you speak about the fact your ex had moved out, who doesn't trust you to be able to be friends with people you dated years and years ago, who doesn't respect you when you say you have no feelins at all for them and then won't even talk to you about it!? I wouldn't want this guy.
Do you want him to feel he has the 'right' to make demands of you, when he trusts and respects you so little already? I wouldn't want to commit myself to someone just so they felt they had more control over my life.
It's okay that he was feeling hurt or confused, but the way he's handling it is not okay. He's being mean and childish. You don't say why you are so into this guy, but he doesn't sound like much of a catch to me.
Instead of waiting for him to get his shit together, decide what you want, and what, if any, compromises you are willing to make when it comes to your friendships. Your opinion on all this is at least as important as his. Not every guy you date is worth holding on to, and you have the same right to make that choice as they do. Don't do backflips for someone who isn't worth your effort.
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