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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

What should I do to have high grades

How high the grades are, is simply an indicator of how well you understand a subject. sO if your grades aren't what you would like them to be and you see room for improvement, then spend time asking the teacher to help you understand better. I did that in math since that was the hardest for me to get. I went up to teachers desk each time I got stuck in class.

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So this girl and I are both 18, first-year university students. Last night we're all playing pool, 3v3 and the girl specifically asks to be on my team. We're friends, but not too much outside of this friend group.
Then it just felt like whenever it was her turn, she'd be asking me for advice really enthusiastically, despite the fact that the other guy on our team is objectively better than me. Anyway, she just seemed to be super bubbly whenever asking me what to do for her shot and stuff like that. Eventually it's the other guy who ends up winning the game for us, but she ends up running over and hugging *me* instead, which felt like an overreactive measure to begin with, just grabbing my waist a few separate times.
It sort of feels like a signal to me but I'm not sure.

Another note: a few days later, she randomly came into my dorm room without asking (which I was fine with), asked said that she just totally forgot this was where I lived (a few of her friends live close by to me) and then asked if I heard her singing down the hall, because it would be "really embarrassing" or something if I did.

There is body lqnguage and actions all people take when interested in someone. I can tell you a few and then keep looking for more confirmation because if the other guy is a better player and won but she asked you for tips and the enthusiatic congrat hugs, it sure sounds like she is trying to be obvious she is interested. HoweVER i Would look for more clues first. One thing a person does is find excuses to be near a person, within their personal space which is about an arm length away. If you step away to recreate space, it means you are not so interested in her but if you keep your spot and allow her near, it is aign to her that you are interested. So try this in reverse, walking into her personal space for a good reason to see if she stays put or moves backweards to recreate that space.


An interested person will lean forward towards you when talking. They will also point their feet subconsciously towards you wether standing or sitting.
Females tend to flip their hair back and expose their neck to a guy if she likes what she sees, but that again is a subconscious move. You can find more if you look on youtube for body language when a female is interested. I have watched these in the past but haven't in a while. It is good though to actually view this body language pointed out and watching it happening.

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I Have been having self-destructive behaviors for the longest time, now I have really hit an all-time low in my life with these self-destructive behaviors. I relapsed recently and having cutting my wrist and now it's spreading to my stomach, legs, and upper arms. It is becoming a daily struggle to keep them hidden from people I do NOT want anyone to see them at all. My eating habits are horrendous..My appetite will disappear a lot, in the morning I don't eat go to school with saltines eat some and that is the meal of the day, it is something I do without realizing how bad it is and how it is ruining my body... I'm really at this point of, If a person hit me with their car I would be so thankful, As I'm walking around school or even laying down in my bed I fantasize about just dying, I think death as something peaceful and calming just being able to slip away into a forever sleep. I have a list of plans and dates and ideas, it to me makes me feel better. Part of me wants a successful career but it so far away from my reach that I will never be able to attain it. The only thing that is keeping me alive is my sister, I force myself to hold on painfully every day because of her.

I have been lying a lot more, to everyone and including myself. When my mother suspects that I am cutting, I seemingly lie on cue. This is so crazy to me now because in my whole life lying goes against my ethics and morals as a person, something would never do. I am scared of myself, I can lie, and do horrendous things, I can't recognize myself anymore. I truly hate myself and self-hatred is rooted in me. Everyone says I'm getting better but when I look at my bloody piece of glass and look at cars in the street on the highway and think how fast I need to jump in front of it and when the day comes to make sure I got all my school work done, is when I realize I'm not getting better, I am slowly deteriorating. nothing matters. I really don't. even if someone makes me feel guilty like " What about your family?" it flys over my head and it doesn't help on a bit. I feel like I got 6-8 weeks left before I descend from this earth, I am just at my limit. I don't want to be here anymore. For years I have been suffering and I am done ignoring this feeling of dying, comparing myself to others and their's being worst, I am being selfish for once, I think about everyone else, When I really think about my self, this is what I think.

You are fighting yourself. Would you believe that your two minds can either work closely toghether or fight each other. I am not talking of multiple personalities but your conscious mind being the one who wrote here for help while your subconscious mind is the one seeming to fight you on everything, so you are unable to stop cutting, stop hiding it from Mom and have feelings your life is worthless. There are people earning big bucks who only dole out meds for depression or mental illness when most of the time, the issues a person has come from distorted thinking. Now everyone on the planet probably has done the distorted thinking thing at some point or another. The difference is that some people like yourself, will zero in on and focus on the negative and keep mulling it over in your mind while others just stop it in its tracks and tell their self they will not entertain such thoughts and not live their life in fear or self hatred. The people who focus on negative distorted thoughts are considered those who need to get out of their heads. Nice knowing that but there is a lot to it to do so successfully. I will share what I know and hopefully you will then have a idea what needs to be done.
(SM) for short will mean Subconscious MInd. Your SM is aware of all that goes on for you every day. It is child like in its understanding of things so when it sees you focusing so much on negative distorted stuff, it believes its merely because you have an interest in and want more of this. Logically, why would someone entertain terrible thoughts if they in fact did not like it at all. It starts innocently, and gets way out of control. If you don't believe the SM's role, it is what helps you do routine things without having to give thought to it like blinking your eyes and taking your next breath. It seems to also be where much of our feelings and emotion comes from. Good thoughts good feelings, bad thoughts and bad feelings. An example would be watching a movie that makes you so angry at the character you feel adrenaline going or one so sad you actually cry. Why, those are just actors and scripts and not real but your SM is watching when you do and takes this in as being real and the emotions flow accordingly. What I read once as an example was saying a woman who fears being raped and that is all thats on her mind all the time, well...her mind might cause it to happen. It also could be just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But the article said that the chances of it happening increase when the SM picks up all these thoughts of rape and thinks the persons is focusing on this becauese it is something you really want to go through. The SM mind then works on you to help you make bad decisions where rape could have been avoided, but making bad decisions, like parking too far away from a door so you have too far to walk later in dark, walking in shadows and close to dense foliage instead of out in open, and so on. I got training at work once from a police officer talking to females about what they can do to avoid being a target. I am just saying when the SM is fighting against you by planning to bring on something you don't want, these kinds of things happen same as with you, something started the cutting and should have been addressed and worked on long ago. Now you don't feel too good about the cutting but keep it up. YOu can't stop becauase your SM thinks this is something you want and crave, even if at somej point in the past you thought it was a good idea but no longer do. Your SM is likely much like mine in that it almost acts like another person inside of me that I either have to fight with, or become friends with.
I chose to befriend my subconscious but also no longer just drag it along for the ride if its unwilling, like going to the dentist. I told my SM it was not time to leave for the appointment yet so its not timed to get worried or anxious, once at the office I say its not time to be anxious cus I am only checking in. Once I am getting exrays done, I tell myself that theres no reason to get anxious yet as its only xrays that don' hurt. When it comes time to be worked on, I tell my SM that the moment I think I feel something a little, I will signal the Dr. for more nerve deadening shots because I know that is what my SM is most afraid of. I don't think bad thoughts of dental work and develope a phobia of it. Distorted thinking left alone too long can turn a person towardsa mental illness. But it doesn't mean you are imbalanced and need meds for life to have a normal life.

So the advice to get out of your head is a good one but you need to be willing to do the hard and frustrating work of retraining your SM if you are serious about changing your life for the better, making goals for your future. Yes the economy is bad and jobs hard to find even with college degrees. Have two children who couldn't find work with their degrees, Medical assistant and CG animation. So I might suggest you looking into trade jobs as there is a great lack of potential employees as everyone is going to college for white collar jobs, not getting the job and taking any old job just to pay off student loans Once your mind is healed, you should be able to get into a trade school and there is help for tuition from the MikeRoweFoundation for trade schooling. But first things first. To get help with your behavior, destructive things you do, hateful thoughts of yourself which lead to not caring if you live and entertaining thoughts of death, you need to do something even if you don't feel like doing it or that it won't help. Thats your distorted thinking talking. You can't listen to anything negative but reach out for help. Tell Mom to start. Parent would rather know stuff like this than be kept in the dark. My oldest told me she suffered depression while in HS and yet she was good at hiding it. I was closely involved in each of my childrens lives, available to talk to for advice on what to do with problems from when they were in Kindergarten and on. So while two kept up telling me problems, the one did not. If she had killed herself, I would have been devastated and blaming myself for not seeing something that none of the symptoms showed. She eeked by until having a baby when she also got post partum depression so bad she had thoughts of killing herself or the baby and she knew this was wrong, and being older she didn't want to keep depression a secret any longer and told me. I went with her to a Dr. back when I did not know about CBT yet. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is what works best curing people and for 90% of people, drugs are never needed. This is because pretty much a great majority of any mental issues, depression and suicide as an outcome are avoidable if one seeks out a mental health Dr. trained to do CBT. So if I were you, I would ask for help from Mom. Don't let her be one of the people grieving and hating herself if you commit suicide. You can't wait because there is no way to know what it the point at which you might try.
I do understand in part about not recognizing myself. In a first marriage that was verbally abusive, I did whatever I thought would earn his love and respect and kept changing so many things about myself, droppings things I used to do. No I wasn't mentally depressed...stressed by the situation but not depressed. However some time after divorcing him, I read the diarys I filled in as a teen and realized I was no longer the person I was as a teen, had changed to be someone who wasn't my own true self. SO I decided to make that road back. Life if hard hon, it isn't easy and it seems more bad happens than good but that is the struggle for our souls and like diamonds being created in the earth by great pressure applied, as souls we undergo great pressure in life to have the opportunities to do the hard thing, to strive to get ahead, learning along the way to do the better or higher thing, which make our souls become more like our maker with each little thing we learn. So regardless of how you feel now, give it a chance, but insist on CBT. I will leave a website on CBT, by the first Psychologist to get so interested in this as it cured all his patients and quickly too, not yeaers of talk theray or meds. He became trainer to all Drs on how to use CBT and author for people like you and me to read and get hope that there is hope. Heres that site to show Mom.

https://feelinggood.com/

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Well, I notice one of the hire up is being weird towards me. She’s a supervisor but not my supervisor. I notice this change after I asked my supervisor for a raise probably two months ago. I didn’t get it by way but I didn’t let it bother me. I accepted it and decided I would use it to motivate me. Well, I wondering if my supervisor told her I asked for a raise because ever since then she has been acting differently. For instance, we were coming into the office and she went the opposite direction. I held the door for her she didn’t say thank you. She question me about my work.

One thing that stand out is the she is constantly emailing me about my work and copying my supervisor. I’m not sure why he’s allowing her to do that. I’m wondering why is she doing it and not him. I’m also approaching my 2 year mark I have been doing good. Is she worried I might be promoted? How do I deal with a person who doesn’t like me?

YOu say she is not your supervisor but emails you and copies in your supervisor. What you did not say is whether she is your supervisors boss, the person above him. If she is, then she has a right to meddle in what you do if she has talked to your supervisor about the problems and asked him to address it but he hasn't. It is very bad manners in any business setting to go over the head of any titled position and try to correct those the supervisor is directly responsible for. Copying him in is not making it a better move.

So you are saying that she pretty much ignored you until you asked your boss for a raise. I am not sure if you asked for a raise only or for a promotion. Those are two different things since a person usually gets a raise with a higher position but a person can still stay at the same position but also get a raise, a smaller one. Although I've been around long enough to see the economy has not been improving, there are more homeless who used to be professionals, like bankers and such. Most companies today can barely exist and many have shut down. Those still around are paying the lowest they can get away with, so minimum wage and not giving a cost of living raise once a year, as I used to get. That stopped a long time ago. Some companies can't even afford to offer health care or its such a crappy one cus its the cheapest. If you think she is worried that you will advance to take her position , I wouldn't entertain that thought. There are plenty of people in supervisor positions today who would have been fired decades past for making too many mistakes a supervisor shouldn't make. You only suspect your boss of telling her about you asking, no facts to prove it if it means the kind of facts that would hold up in court. You also do not know why her attidtude to you changed and how it seems you are on her radar. If she is not over your supervisor, then it is wrong for her to be critiqueing your work unless for some odd reason, your supervisor asked her to. This is all unproveable, The only thing you have that you can talk to your boss about is the fact that she emails you and copies in your boss. That is what I would talk to my boss about if it was happening to me.

I would check first to see if he is aware of the emails she is sending to you and copying him in on. You do not even know if he has opened and read them. Your others ideas are suspicions which plenty people normally would get but you have to stick to the facts. So ask him why she is sending you emails regarding the work you do if she is not your boss. You can ask him if he asked her to do this. You can go to HR and ask them why a supervisor who is not your appointed supervisor is emailing you about how you do your job and ask them if something changed that you are not aware of where you now have two supervisors working together on you when everyone else in your department has only one supervisor, him. Is she the one who will write my reviews from now on, even if she is not my boss. If not, I don't see any reason why she should make herself involved. And then see what HR has to say about it. If something doesn't happen and her higher ups don't tell her to stop but you know from HR and have a letter from them as proof where they write that she is not responsible for you and you don't answer to her, then stop opening her emails, but save them, transfer maybe to another file. Either she will be asked to correct her behavior, because either way, whatever her position, she is doing something wrong to you or to your boss and you. She may get her job done and be valuable to the company, even if she does weird stuff like this so the company overlooks it. YOu simply need to learn whether that is the case or not.

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What should I tell to the girl who posted pictures of my boyfriend saying he’s single without me and my boyfriend knowing in a badass but educated way?

Is it true? If it is, you dont have to say anything but if you like the post, then say so. If it is not true, don't give her the reaction she wants to see, you getting upset. The one who should be most concerned is your boyfriend. If he is not upset, either he doesn't care about what she did and is ignoring it, which is what you might try doing or he isn't bothered because he doesn't care if the post brings girls hitting on him because he's been thinking of playing around with others. I don't know him, or you or that girl. All I know is that this sounds typical for young people from middle school through college.
The only piece I am not clear on, being grandma age to you, is saying he's knows of the post in a badass educated way. I don't use that way to describe things so I have no clue what you meant by that. If you wish to educate me, please write and tell me. Otherwise, I would do nothing regarding the girl. Hang out with boyfriend as usual and don't bring it up. Just treat him as you always did. However, if you feel he shows more lack of respect to you, not the same amount of care and love, treats you worse than before or just doesn't seem to have any desire to spend with you anymore, then let him go and find someone else. Dating before marriage or along time partner is merely a good way to learn what you like and also won't tolerate in each guy and with each new boyfriend, look for someone a step better and make a list of the things you like and dont. It was such a list that helped me after a divorce to find myself a man who is a keeper, a most wonderful husband and lover. I swear by this list. You make your own. So if someone thought they had chemistry with you but no longer feel it, worst case scenerio here, then it serves no purpose to force such a relationship to keep going. This is where one partner is too easily lured into cheating because they are with the wrong person as far as having chemistry. And this is a good, sensical reason to part ways, if the worst thing here is that he knows and is happy because it does the job for him wsithout having to say he's splitting up.

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Our family planned a weekend get-away to meet friends from out of town, but our 15yo son found out he would not be able to attend at the last minute. He is a responsible kid, honor student and has never been in any trouble. My wife and I agreed he would be fine staying home alone to take care of himself for two days; however, she is insisting on boarding our dog. I think that it is reasonable to expect that a 15yo is responsible enough to watch a dog, but my wife says that unless we board the dog she is going to stay home. She is firm in this. The upshot is that we are going to board the dog as not going is not an option. That said, I am angry that she does not trust our kid to watch our dog as this is not a big responsibility. Am I being unreasonable here?

Could she be thinking back to herself at that age and her dropping the ball on being the only one responsible to look after something, whether pet car or not, and memories like that can cause her to automatically not trust the son based on her own past and viewing this all through the past, not the individual in question. This is most likely what is causing this.
There is another possible issue, and that would be her generally not being a trusting person, slow to trust you or anyone and after this much marriage, would be obvious to you if she is holding back often, not eager to try new things, etc. and may be a mental health issue that a therapist should be helping her work out. There are many strange mental things people do that don't fall under mental disabilities or diseases. Most people do it once in a while but some people do it all the time, allowing distorted thinking to run their lives.
I have adult kids and remember their teen years. I remember giving them adult responsibilites a little at a time and to me, watching the house and or pet while parents are away is such a learning event. How else do teens learn how to be an adult. I sat with my daughter as she had to make a call regarding a problem with her savings account or some such thing. She wanted me to make the call but like me, learns better from doing a task than hearing and being told or reading a how to manual. So I sat by her, helped her find the number and if they asked something she didn't understand, she could ask them to hold while she asked me for hel[p, but I helped her do this sort of thing for the first time in her life and she never needed my help again on such a thing.
What I do not know is the reason your son can not attend. Does he have to work? Does he have tickets to a concert for one of those nights? Depending on the reason, your wife may be thinking that the son will possibly not have enough time to feed the dog, let it out for potty, pay it attention and play. How long is the dog spend on its own during the week when your'e at work and the kid at school? If the time your son may not be able to be with the dog is the same amount of time or less, there is no reason why he can't do the job. Then again, there are plenty of opportunities to give your son a chance to learn adult responsiblity and a one time watching the dog so it isn't boarded, is just one chance, there will be many more if both parents are looking for it. Sounds more like instead of just taking life day to day with the son, it may be best for all concerned if you and wife sit down and have a good talk and come to some agreements as to what things you can give your son to do to learn adult responsibility. If she still doesn't want to, you could talk about the things given to do are not so crucial that it would be a disaster if he messes up. The way most learn is from messing up at first and slowing getting better as in school grades starting as a D or C and ending up at an A or B. I don't know if I'd make a big deal over it right as you go for this weekend. But board the dog and afterwards, have a good talk and find out what her issues are. She may not even be aware that there are issues on her side. Maybe if she reads, a book on parenting teens with chapters on trust and responsibilities. If the two of you can't come to an agreement together because she doesn't see what the issue is, it may be time to suggest you both going to a couples counselor...not because of a bad marriage but for both of you to hear and learn from therapist the entire how to's of giving responsibilty to a teen for the purpose of getting them ready for when they become an adult legally at 18. Too many 18 and 19 yr olds write in, terrified because the parents always did everything and they know nothing, not even how to do laundry or cook and now colleges are offering classes to 20 somethings to learn the basics they should have known already before reaching age 18. Since the two of you are not on the same page, I hope she is willing to work towards it, otherwise, if you continue on with the problem still there, you'll be giving the son permission for something when Mom says No that he's not ready and there will be future war between the two of you. This may be the only thing wrong in your marriage and its otherwise great. But you both have to look at this as to how it will affect your son. If not, I am afraid there will be problems tearing up your relationship with wife in these years as the son reaches 18 and the years after until he reaches mid twenties when for all of us, the frontal cortex of the brain is finally done growing and is now mature so the person makes better decisions. Mine are all past 25 and it is great to watch my kids manuever adult hood real well. I wish the same for. Anger will not change the situation, it is a wasted emotion to me. Not unless it is anger felt in the middle of something you see happening where you take action to s top something, is anger good to get one off their butt and caring. I think of it as Jesus angry at the money changers in the temple, protesting and wrecking their sales stalls right as it was happening. He did not get angry thinking about it for days after, because at that point, it would have been after the fact. You are angry after the wife put her foot down about this, boarding the dog, she has already decided to not go along with your plan and anger will not change this one situation. However having a counselor point out what is good but what is also wrong with her thinking on giving responsibility or more to the point, the lack of it. If she wont go, then you go and learn how to work with a stubborn wife or misguided one, whatever the real problem is.

In the end, I see your anger as making sense to feel it, and not unreasonable. But I also know that anger will only make you feel worse, raise the blood pressure, maybe raise walls between you and wife, bring on resentment, etc. and that is not good for you. I'd like best if this anger is what motivates you to start a counseling process, perhaps going alone until she warms up to the idea and joining you.

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I am teenage girl studying in 12th std..I have best friend V(her name)she is like my best friend for past 7 years we share everything literally everything..she is one of the most important people in my life but recently she stopped talking with me partially it's my mistake..there is a guy who is also our bestfriend he is literally the sweetest. So one day he told me big secret and asked me not to tell V ..it was a huge thing and it was pretty private so I didn't tell her the next day..but I was not comfortable in hiding things from her so the day after that I told her there is a thing I didn't tell which the guy bestfriend told me..as soon as she heard it she was hurt .bow she is thinking he is more important to me but its clearly not..so please help me fix this

I think there is misunderstanding also between what you wrote and want me to know. So far, I don't get it why she is upset. She is not the one who asked you to keep a secret. If anyone was mad, it would be the guy who told you a secret. Secret means info you do not share after being told it. It should remain between just you and the teller. Now that that is clear, you didn't say how the guy feels. You did not say that your girlfriend is mad because she learned you told her the guys secret and now she feels she can't trust you any more, or mad because the guy found out she knew and accused her of snooping around for the info, or she's mad because the actual content of the secret is something she wishes now she didn't know and is therefore mad you enlightened her about his secret. I do not get the connection to her feeling he is more important to you than her by you telling his secret. If you can't be true enough or care enough to keep his secrets but you would do that for her, that should show her that you care more about her, not the guy. But lastly, when did ranking between friends become important. It never did. The only people who have problems with their standing in being the most important friend and in twisted thinking that has them think this, are also people most likely to have low self confidence, and or low self esteem. Until I get more detailed or facts straightened out, I have no idea what to tell you to do about her. If it is low image of herself causing this, there is nothing you can do to fix it but a licensed therapist could help her. The only thing you can do is work on keeping secrets or telling a person not to tell you their secret, because you are unable to keep secrets.

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I need help, so I’m auditioning for a girl group but the choreography is way too hard. What I really want to do is write, act, and direct and that’s been my passion since elementary. I love the idea of being in a girl group but the work is a lot. Should I just stick to my passion and focus on writing or should I continue to dance?

Perhaps a part of you deep down as been thinking that you could use dance in your acting. True that in acting, other talents come in handy like being able to sing if its a musical, or a Cowboy TV series where it comes in handy to be able to ride and be comfortable around horses. I can't say that I see a plus out of you taking dance if thats not what you really want. I don't understand why you can't just audition for the next play. You don't mention being in a drama or wanting to take a drama class but for acting, its the way to go. Most celebs today who are directors of shows and movies, started out as actors and got to know what it took to be a real good director so I beleive that acting comes first and the directing if you have talent for it, comes down the road. I am not clear on what a girl group has to do with acting but if you mean all girl dance, that doesn't have any influence on your decisions unless you are terrified of males and don't want to be in dance or acting with them. I believe even writing is something you can practice on while acting as you'd get a better idea what stilted, fakey lines are versus conversation that seems genuine that watchers can relate to and you may have some idea but it will be greater if you try in in spare time after some experience acting. If you don't plan on doing musicals, or any acting including dance, then I don't see any problem with not taking dance. If for some reason you couldn't get into acting, find something related or wait until the next sign up. I had to wait to take guitar in HS as it was filled up quick on sign up day and I didn't make it in. If that is the issue, don't worry, take it next time around. If your other subjects are not too heavy a load and there are night classes in the community if you can't get in at school, then look for a class outside school you attend.I would think a teacher seeing you have such an interest that you would take an outside class, will know you will really apply yourself in the acting class.

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I am from Austria, 31 years old and a female. I met this guy at dinner with my friends. The two of really hit it off just talking, we had a great time, exchanged numbers. He sent me super romantic texts. So i figured it was okay to open up and i told him about stuff I was interested in plus, I asked him what his plans were for the weekend. After that he stopped responding. On the same day Friends told me, that a few days ago, he called them in the middle of the night to tell them he has fallen head over heels for me and he doesn't know what to do. So I tried it again after 36 hours, asking if he was very busy and that I hoped that he doesn't think of me as bothersome.I asked him to meet up with me to talk, because our mutual friend made me blush with her questioning. Of course only if he still wishes to do so. No reply. I did not want to engage to him, i just wanted to tell him that I would like to get to know him a bit better before deciding on anything. So now after a couple of days I realized he ghosted me... Next week I have to go to a party that unfortunatley cannot be avoided without causing a lot of trouble and he will be there aswell. How can I keep my dignity? Even though I am awfully embarrassed and i feel super stupid...

Happened to me too. I'll tell my story and the conclusion I came to. Although for me, this was happening with older guys 11 years agon when I was dating after the ex and I split. I was using a dating site and by how a guy wrote and things about himself, I chose the ones that sounded promising to meet in person. Usually I met guys in coffee shops cus its a public place, to be safe. In his case he didn't drink coffee so he agreed to meet me at a friends, and we sat alone on the front porch swing and talked for hours. He was good looking and by the conversation it really seemed great and I thought by his enthusiasm that we would surely date. Now heres where I want you to pay close attention. I think he felt that too so he blurted out that he was doing some interior modeling and it would be a long time before he could have me come over to visit him. I had no idea where he lived yet, and didn't even have a phone or cell phone, we had made arrangements to meet via computer, in the dating site. I told him that I was handy and could help him with easy stuff, applying wood stain, helping measure out cuts or hold wood he has to cut, whatever. I didn't realize at the time but that alarmed hi;m so he threw out all sorts of reasons why I couldn't come over to help him. I didn't have my own place and was staying at my friends at that time so seeing him anywhere else including his place was about the only way it could happen. He siad he wanted to see me again but was very busy and it might not happen for a while and that he in fact had taken a day off work to come see me. We parted with him not giving contact info, conveniently forgetting as he left. The next day, I wanted to tell him I had enjoyed our time together and looked up his profile on the dating site to write him but when putting in his name, the message came up that account was closed. It was there the day before!?

So some time that evening after meeting me, he closed his account and I had no way to get hold of him. I had read something earlier about how guys sometimes not totally happy with a girlfriend or wife may wish to meet someone who could fill in the holes of what they were not getting out of their relationship. Some were brave and carried through while others chickened out and found they could not carry it off and make it work.

That came back to me as I looked at the message of the closed account. I knew he was probably married, and thats why I couldn't go to his house, he didn't give me his number because he couldn't afford to have me calling him at home and having wife answer or hear the call, and she likely thought he was at work so wouldn't wonder where he was during the day and probably left work early saying he didn't feel well. He thought it would be e asy but when in the midst of the meeting, realized he had no idea how to carry this out long term and likely realized from talking to me how sharp and smart I was and that I would put two and two together and figure it out in no time.

I am not the kind of person who wants to be the 'other lady friend' for a guy in a commited relationship, so if he's sseparated, divorced or widowed, thats the only way I would go into this.

Now I know the mutual friends are people who would know if he is seeing someone or married. But I don't know details and if they've ever been to where he lives and with him almost 24/7 so they would have met a girlfriend. Men like this can actually love the one they are with but long for what they do not get from that relationship and think its simple to try and get from you what they don't get from their lady, but I think they realize that they can't get away with it and though they have genuine feelings toward the new woman, their better judgement has them closing it down at last minute, not responding.

If a guy is interested in a woman and there is no reason why he can not date her, he will find a way to contact her, even without a phone number by hunting down her friends or hanging out in places where he thinks he may run into her again. Yes, I know that from talking to guy friends and that is how men are, they will do everything in their power to carve out time for meeting with a woman they were so impressed with. So all I can deduce is that in some way, he is not available. I don't mean to make him sound like a bad guy. For all I know, he has a rare disease he hasn't told anyone about, because he doesn't want to be treated differently and knows his life is limited and doesnt't want a woman ending up grief stricken losing him in a couple years. There are probably a few other scenerio's. So there is really nothing your can do. If you push this and find a way to contact him or talk to him, don't be surprised to get mixed signals of joy at seeing you and also feeling the distance he is putting up between you. Leave it alone and if he isn't contacting you within a month, then it is best you move on, no matter what he said to your friends. A man will move heaven and hell to be with the woman he loves

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I didn't go to college and have two young children. I currently work in a factory 2nd shift and hate every day of my life. I also have sales experience. I currently dont have the time to go back to college and wont for 3 to 4 years. However I cant seem to get promoted even though I have sales, prospecting, and interpersonal Communication skills. It's also frustrating due to the fact I can explain Quantum computing/Entanglement, AI, political science, differentiating factors involved in solar, vapor, hydro, wind, fusion, fussion energies, have an in depth knowledge of history, finance, and general business. I spend hours studying just because I love to learn and challenge myself but I cant move forward in any job. How can I overcome this?

If you work in a factory, My guess would be that any advancement opportunities are very limited, mostly supervisory positions or teaching workers. If what you have learned is self taught, you may very well know the stuff as well or better than someone who went to college and got a degree but the job force is very competitive and at the same time, not always fair. I don't know if you are trying to get a sales job at t he factory, and aside from sales, all the other stuff you know might be needed in a different job. So if the pay is adequate, I would say to wait until you can go back to college or start looking for a job elsewhere.

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My question is, my crush walks home with a girl every day. I walk home with him too but he's walked with the girl for longer. She's a lot more pretty and I feel like I have no chance, what should I do?

Walking home with some one means just that, they know each other well enough to enjoy the company when out walking. It does not mean anything more. Anything else would be just a coincidence. So it doesn't mean they are dating, that he likes her as more than a friend, or that she feels that way.

As for seeing her as prettier than yourself, you are probably basing that on what Teen magazine says is the look that gets a guys attention, or anything you see in any media related thing, even commercials. Its like a brain washing so people will feel they are inadequate and will never measure up. True, boys also buy into this and males now also suffer feeling they don't measure up, that no girl will like them enough. Boys buy into the hype as to girls being preferable if they look like models or celebs.

What doesn't make sense is that what media portrays as the 'look' for all females to go after, will change over the decades. In the sixites for example, the most famous model was called Twiggy because she was extremely thin and anorexic looking yet that was touted as the best look to attract men. In war time decades with pin up girls, those women were not anorexic looking but very curvy and had a big boned frame so women with a fine boned petite frame could never logically look like the models. Go way back a couple hundred years and painters were the photographers of today, capturing what was known to be a normal look for women, so painting of nudes had all women with small breasts and rounded tummies instead of big boobs and a flat stomach. If a person could live hundreds of years, and wanted to look like what was considered the 'in' look, they'd have to have changed their image so many times they'd have no clue how many times. Don't get caught up in comparing yourself to other girls dear. That is the best starting thing I can tell you. Next, boys buying into the hype and males being visuallly stimulated, will go after what is considered prettier. However, males want someone of substance, meaning great character and someone with a good self image. You don't have to bellieve me but I once read of a University doing a test to see what males were attracted to in the long run. In choicing the women for the test, questions were asked to determine which ones were drama queens or had low self image and confidence though pretty. The other women did not match criteria for media's standard of beauty but they had lots of self confidence, self purpose, knowing what they want, etc. People in a waiting room assumed they would be called out of the room when it was their turn but the test was observing the behavior of the men. Of course, being visually stimulated, they went to talk with the bombshells first. But they soon discovered drama queens and no self confidence, tired of them and walked over to the other woman to chat and were very happy and engrossed in talking because these women were easy to talk to, and most of all had a great self image and self condidence. In the end, They announced that men were more attracted by a woman who is confident over one with natural beauty.
I am not a model type and have never strived to daily go through a routine for hair, makeup, clothes, nails whatever to look as much as what I am told will be a popular woman. There are always males who prefer the natural look, the pretty ones who are not made up to look pretty, pretty but not matching media's so badly warped image of what beauty is.

The best way to impress a guy especially is he is younger, teens and up, is to befriend him, even if you are hoping for more and have feelings for him. Spend time hanging out as friends, which gives him a chance to get to know you better. If he is willing to be friends and you know he genuinely cares about you as a friend, then its a small step for him to go from friendship to dating, the romantic relationship.However some So people, women too, will not feel something for a guy no matter how hot he is, that chemistry is missing and it is something you're born with and can't change. Heck, after a divorce I met some really good lookers, one looked like a male model but neither he nor I felt that chemistry. So looks are important, not looks as in like models but ones own personal preference. For example, I was dating in older age after a divorce so late forties. My preference was either men with long hair or men with totally shaved heads as I didn't like the ring of hair look, made a guy look older. Some guys just prefer red heads, or brunettes, its' not blondes always as commercials try to tell you for coloring your hair. So after some time as friends, if one of two people doesn' t feel the chemistry needed for the extra step beyond friendship to romance, then you remain only friends and look for a romantic partner or if you have too strong of feelings for the guy, break off the friendship and some time later, look for the romantic partner you want. A crush is someone unaware of how you feel and may know already they like you as a friend but also know they don't feel chemistry.

So go for building a friendship and when the time comes to find out how he truly feels, the question to ask is:
Since we do so well as friends It got me thinking, wondering how we would do as more than friends. What do you think?

You must add the 'what do you think or he may just listen and not answer. If he has secretly felt chemistry but is too afraid of losing you as a friend, when you ask, he'll go for trying to be more than friends, making it sound like he is game for it, even if too embarraseed to admit he has feelings. If he likes you only as a friend and feels non of the needed chemistry to move forward into more than friends, you'll hear him say so immediately. What you say does not include saying you are in love, or have feelings if its that strong. If he does by chance ask if you're asking because you have feelings for him. YOu can dodge answering which I suggest in the beginning so he's not spooked away, and you can simply state that the happiest dating relationships are one where the people are not only romantic attracted but they are best of friends. So since you met someone you really like as a friend, you are just naturally curious. If he thinks you already like him, you may not get a straight or correct answer as guys are terrified of seeing a girl cry, over something he said or did. this may be way more than you ever thought important as you only have a crush, but you did ask what to do and theres a need to understand this all before you try to become friends him. If any other girls are jealous or say you can't, you simply say, he's a friend only and its up to him whether he dates anyone or not and has female friends at the same time. The only one who matters in such a deciasion is the guy. No matter how many other females have crushes or dated him in the past or want to date him now but he feels no chemistry. So what is chemistry? My version based on dating older after a divorce, is feeling comfortable talking to the person, and it seems like a giangantic coincidence that lots of what you share of your past, your ideas, wishes, hopes dreams, talents, pet peeves, etc... very closely mimic or are the same as to how he feels. Or there are at least 2 or 3 things you both passionae about. You feel that excitement being near them. You both tend to compliment each other not to get on their good side but because you both genuinely feel that way. There is a he ightened sense of importance like you both are hanging onto each word the other says, leaning closer to hear what they say, sitting closer, find excuses to touch each other.

When I first met the guy who became my 2nd husband, he was a delivery driver and I met him at a parking lot where he stopped for break or lunch. We had about 20 minutes for initial meet up after a week on the phone. I liked what I had learned of him already by phone and knew we had much in common. I had to know by getting close in person whether I could feel that chemistry. So in greeting him, I walked up and gave him a big bear hug and let my fingers linger in his long hair. Yes, I could feel the chemistry and apparently he did too because we set a day to meet again for a real date.

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Hello,

Background:
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I am studying Computer Science at a well-known university. I suffered from lack of responsibility for a year and as a result I failed few courses twice. I never appreciated what I had, the fact that I got accepted on such a great university, and having the most supporting parents.

I got now another last chance this semester to pass the courses that I failed in, I am quite scared, but I feel different now since I got motivated since the start of the semester.

My question:
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Week number #2 has finished now, around 12 weeks to go for the semester before exams, I hope everything is alright, but my main question here, since I wasted around 2 years, I always have this feeling that killing me of counting years till I finish and what age I will be, and I have this pressure from my family to finish and questions always popping up, when and how much left for you.

I do regret that I wasted this two years.. I do not want this to ruin and let me waste more and more years ahead cause of it

Please help me find a way to overcome this feeling.

Thanks!

People change for the better and when they do, both that person and everyone who knows them should not be judging that person by their past, only who they are and where they are at now. Sure, this means you're in school longer, and finish at an older age. Although my son in law just started at a college in HI and he is 28. There are people who get late starts so you won't be the only your age.

Even if you don't get support but condemnation because of the years you wasted, you have to be okay with yourself. We all have regrets when looking back at things we wish we'd done otherwise, I sure have those and I am grandma age. The thing is to not waste your time looking back and regretting so much that you are not really living in the here and now. Regrets and looking back can be your worst enemy.

Asd for wanting you to finish soon, if the parents are footing the bill, I can understand their concern. So keep that in mind if thats the casse, do extra work for them for free, maybe once working, save up enough money to send them on a trip to Hawaii, something special as a thank you for all their support.
So as for the questions as to how much time you have left, smile and answer them normally as if you had not wasted time which they already know or suspect as its taking longer. Just admit the truth that you screwed around, couldn't get motivated, whatever you feel and therefore are so much (state months or years) behind from finishing. I am sure you don't want to have to answer as it embarrasses you. I will share something that should help you and if anyone harrasses you or says you were dumb to waste the time, you can point out the following information:

It has been scientifically proven that the frontal lobe of the brain, responsible for making good choices, good judgement calls, able to see possible outcomes or setback down the road to any one thing you may choose to do, etc) and this part of the brain isn't fully mature until around age 25. So pre teens, HS and early college age people are already handicapped by a brain that isn't capable of making the best decisions. Since the body looks mature, others expect the brain to be mature also and that just isn't so. everyone has to deal with this so your folks and every adult you know went through a poor decision makingg Some are quick to point the finger at others forgetting they had or have their faults too. So don't go on fearing the next comment. Instead be proud of yourself that you learned something from your experience.

You say you hope you are doing okay but not sure. Well, don't wait until 12 weeks from now to find out. Be pro active about your schooling. You could at any point go ask your teacher how you are doing so far and ask if she/he sees something that you can work a bit more on, maybe not a requirement on her/his tests but studying you can do on your own, or maybe extra stuff to strengthen where you are weak.

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My wife was advised by her sister about 2 months ago to get off Adderall completely because she said it had horrible long term effects. She took a high dosage (as I understand for Adderall) of 20mg x 2 daily. She hadn’t spoken with her sister for over 3 years due to a riff but once reconnected they talk constantly. Her sister is a CNRA and as such regularly dispenses medical guidance which my wife follows with little reservation. Based on her sister’s recommendation to stop Adderall she quit it cold turkey almost 2 months ago and it has been difficult since... she is quick tempered now, VERY short, and almost can’t hold a conversation during the day without some “playful” verbal jab. She goes to bed because she says she is exhausted by between 7:30-8:30 yet says she is always sleepy. It’s taking a toll on us.. she doesn’t want to hear anything about treating her ADHD and if I bring it up she says “why don’t you like me for me!” Any advice is greatly appreciated!

I looked up the letters to be sure as I used to be a non nursing caregiver and a few in the agency were CNA, certified Nursing assistants. I know RNs are Registered nurses. The biggest difference in a CNA from me was that they could insert a urine catheter, empty the bag, but when a shift needed to be covered when the regular CNA was going on vacation and someone like me filled in, they could show me how to empty the urine bags, bath a person, move and immobile person in bed, do their ROMS, range of movement excercise with limbs, answer their calls or a bell,cook for them and I did stuff like that with para plegics, wheelchair bound and such on occasion. I can tell you that we had to yearly take the latest classes to continue our certification but non of them were about anything other than taking care of basic needs. There was no training on mental health, medications, and such. A person with an RN license working in a care giving type situation might possibly be called an certified and registered nursing assistant, or CRNA but I never came across someone like that when I was doing the care giving job. Basically they are trained to do just the basics with knowledge of basic medical procedures, and I was close friends with one of the CNAs with Nursing background. She was trained in lots of things but never could take the role of a persons doctor and tell them what to do, what to take or stop taking and mental health doctoring was not taught, only how to handle a client with mental health issues if they have a mental melt down. I had one such client and I could not giver her mental health advice, only take her to her mental health appts, call in her prescription when it ran out. This sister could be reported for what she is doing. Its bad enough she did so with your wife but what if she is doing the same with other people. We were told if we ever came across people who were care giving for someone, and doing something that they are not allowed to do by law, to report them. Mishandling or outright abuse of people unable to complain or ask for help is a big thing and there are laws. I also know that unless there is some obscure area in which a medical professional can give medical advice, as far as I've heard, a person is not allowed to treat or give medical advice to relatives. I don't think that in her state, without meds, your wife is going to listen to you to see her Doctor, as long as her sister is in the picture. I would first try researching, and see if this sister has even taken any re certification yearly as is the law and find out what the initials mean and call agencies to find out what the worker with those initials can and can't do. Then you could ask if such a person is able to give medical advice and tell clients to take or stop taking anything, even drugs. You will then know if you have legal ground to stand on to report the sister. Let your Doctor know as well what is going on, the details of what this sister does and what her credentials are and ask the doctor for help. They may have names of people or agencies you can turn to for help.

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Ok so I’m 2017 I had a problem with menstrual cycle where I bled more than 21 days each month for like 3-4 months .The problem was that I had offset my system because I purged myself too much. I was given birth control but it only worked for a few days and then I went to a private doctor and I was giiven pills that lower sugar level. I forgot the name . I took it for a week and everything went back to normal . I haven’t had any issues since a but during that time I lost some weight and I only gain back a few . Now I hate my size in order to gain some weight I ate a peanut butter sandwich right before bed . Now Ii am 20 years and I am 50kg or 110lbs (I hope I have the units correct) I weigh myself each week but it is still the same . I see pics of all my friends and they have grown or increases their weight my height (160cm) have not changed for the past 5 years and I have lost weight . I want to gain weight but I am struggling I don’t want to take protein powders so I make high protein drinks and I don’t have money to seek professional help . My friend saw me the other day and told me to start eating . Out of Yh e blue and I was already feeling skinny and frustrated

Hon,I really don't see a problem with your weight. Usually I hear of girls wanting to weight less, not more. When I was in HS, I weighed 110 and I am your height, approx. 5 ft 2+ inch. I didn't weight 120 until my kids were teens and now at 60 am 130. When I was 110 some people thought I was anorexic but I knew plenty of girls like me, real thin and frail looking but it was normal for us because it was inherited, coming from a Mom who was also tiny and thin and a petite bone structure. Now at 60, when I see a young girl in her twenties who is 110, I can see how people might think she doesn't weigh enough but I know different. What I don't know is if your Mom or Dad at age 20 were tiny and weighed lots less than anyone. It may be normal and you can't fight normal. If you want to gain weight protein powders is good but doesn't really put on weight, its alternative liquid food for those cutting back on carbs. Carbohydrates are what put on weight but its unhealthy weight, mostly fat. So if I were you, I wouldn't focus on my weight but learn if I am anemic in certain vitamins, minerals, etc. For example, with all the bleeding, if not taking Iron, you could be very anemic now and need supplements for a while. The best would be for Doctor to take blood to test for all your levels of vitamins and minerals. If you are low in any, then daily take the required dose. Once your body has everything it needs to function properly, then it should slowly gain weight over the years.

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To keep a super long story short, I met this boy that hangs out with our friend group a lot lately and I never thought much of him besides that he was pretty nice. Well lately we got closer and I started to like him a little. But my friend seems to like him as well. They have been friends longer and he seems to like her more then me but I still think he kinda likes me too ( he has kissed both of us and other things, I know it’s weird but we are stupid high schoolers). I wouldn’t go for him if I knew she only liked him but she’s not clear about it and says she likes two other boys as well. I don’t know what to do. I think I should lay off but it still hurts a lot and I have no idea what to do. I don’t wanna talk to her about it because I don’t want her to be mad at my for catching feelings. I haven’t liked someone in a year and I feels great but I don’t know what to do at all. I need any help at all. Thanks for reading. Hope to hear back soon.

Who says you have to reveal feellings at all to your friend. There is no such rule. All you have to do is ask her questions without revealing your feelings. Heres how I would do it, "Hey, I know you've been friends with Tom (whatever his name is but for this I'll use Tom) for quite a while and it seems you are close long time friends. I think he's a pretty nice guy. So I was wondering if you have feelings for him that run deeper than just friendship, cus if not, I might ask him out on a date. At this point if she asks if its because you like him, you can say, "Of course, I like him a friend but from watching him, am curious to see how it might work if I date him. If not him, I am hoping to date someone like him. Or something like that in your own words.

Now just because any people like one person as more than a friend, doesn't mean that person is going to like any of them back. Theres a little thing called chemistry and you either have similar ones or not and can't force or change it. So both people need to feel it for each other because it works. Just because a guy kisses a female does not mean he likes her or loves her or is in love with her. Sometimes young males will subtly try to find ways to get any girl to 'date' him only so he can say and do what he knows she wants to see and hear just so he can eventually experience kisses, touching, sex and this would be called lust. I will share a negget of wisdom that will help you greatly in finding a wonderful guy, if not now, later when ready to marry aand kids.
This wisdom is about the strong foundation to such a relationship. Thats built on two things, one being each others closest friend and treating each other that way without fail, not on and off but all the time. The other is being each others romantic equal and this is the only thing that is different from a friendship, the one extra thing that not all have. Some get so excited about a bew relationship that those feelings of new relationship are much like the awaited christmas toy you got as a kid and were so excited about at first. But as you know, any toy or game not just perfect for you, lost its appeal after some time. So if a guy is hot and paying you attention, wants to put an arm around you, kiss, pet, have sex but is not as interested in all the other stuff, then he is most likely the wrong person for you. Keep this in mind.

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Hey, I’m sort of friends with a drug dealer. They sell through social media like Snapchat and stuff, and I trust them enough so I followed their selling account and asked if I could get. But they were SUPER surprised I asked because I’d never ever done before and didn’t text me back after a while. Can I get in trouble if anyone sees that I sent him a chat asking? It’s not like I actually bought anything- but I was stupid enough to use my real name’s account and not have a scheduled delete of the chat. Or is this not a big “deal”?

I don't think there is a problem that will come back to hurt you. I am guessing that the fact that you asked when you were known by them to not be a user, meant something wasn't kosher. They may have figured you were being used to uncover their dealings and not responded so there was no response that would confirm that if cops were indeed involved. If doing something they could go to jail for, they will be extra cautious and easily spooked when something different occurs that they didn't plan on, that is out of the usual, etc.

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I got married this year on March.Mine is a typical modern day Indian arranged marriage, arranged by both the parents.However we met for few times before our wedding.Initially after introduction my sis-in-law was very good to me,we were good friends.But my relationship with her started gradually deteriorating when my would be in-laws started interfering in my life and started blaming me for trivial reasons.Two months prior to my wedding my sis-in-law severely insulted me as she thought I was unfit for her brother and she told me to get lost.Her parents and brother literally coerced me into talking to her and med things with her.I did.Everything became normal again.After marriage when my parents-in-law again started poking their nose in my lifestyle and dictated me how I should keep wearing vermilion powder and bangles to symbolize that I am a married woman and my mother-in-law started nasty mind game with me to show me bad and demean me in front of my father-in-law and my husband. So one day I got furious and told on them that I don't have faith upon all these bangles and vermilion but still I wear them when I don't go outside as people in USA keep looking at me everytime I go outside wearing all those things and I feel awkward. But they kept arguing and dictating me. After this incident, my SIL contacted my husband through whatsapp and told him that I am a mental patient and my mom couldn't educate me and I am an imbecile and all nasty things about me and also said that she was going to boycott me and my husband from her life. She blocked me from whatsapp and facebook and also excommunicated my husband. Then I found an old chat between two of them when she previously insulted me before my wedding. She had written to my husband that their father is so powerful that he can cause damage to my parent's reputation and destroy them but as his son was in love with me he kept his mum. She also had texted,"i have seen her father also avoids her because of her improper behaviour and her mom could not enculture her so she misbehaves and she is mental patient".After this, on the festival of Rakshabandhan she wished my husband and my husband mended things with her. But they again fought as my husband asked her to talk to me. She didn't listen and did not talk to me. After 3months has passed, on my birthday she sent me birthday wishing cake-candle pictures on whatsapp and I responded with a "thanks". She asked how I was so I replied with a "good". But I don't know what has happened to me. I have never felt this way for anybody no matter how hard I fought with anyone I never hated them. But it seems I can't stand her face or topic related to her. My blood literally starts to boil if I hear her name. I can't digest the fact that she not only insulted me but also said nasty thing about my parents and how her father can ruin my parents life. She might have uttered those things angrily but who gave her right to talk about my parents when they are not in the scene. Now my husband and parents-in-law want me to forgive her and mend things with her but I am unable to do so. She infuriate anger, so badly anger and hatred in me. I cry for hours because of this negativity her very name generates in me. What should I do?

Your forgiving her to the point it no longer bothers you to hear her name, or you want to be close friends, is not the answer. Just by what you wrote, I will share what impression this has made on me.

At first I thought you were talking of an arranged marriage in India until you mention them wanting you to wear bangles and vermillion powder to signal to others that you are married but you get strange looks from people in the USA so I now assume you live in the States. The problem with being told you have to wear this as you leave the house is that, only Indian Men living in the US are the only ones who are going to know you are married. THe majority of citizens of the US, like me, are not going to know what this means. I understand keeping some customs even when not in the country of your birth. But requiring you to do this when it won't mean anything to most people, is a waste of time and a useless custom here. Like most people who are married, wearing a ring on the ring finger of your left hand should work just as well in the U.S.because everyone knows what that means.

I don't know how old you are but I assume you are at least out of high school. So here in the U.S. a person is legally considered an adult at 18 years of age. If you are that age or older, then you are an adult in the U.S. where I assume you are living. As an adult, you no longer need allow parents or others to decide what is right for you. You are the only one accountable for your life. They have their own lives to live out to the best of their ability. So it started with the arranged marriage. If you wanted to marry this man and loved him, then thats good. But if only he felt he loved you and you did not have the same feelings back, then in this country, a person has a right to decide for themselves and usually will not marry let alone date someone whom they feel no desire or love for. I have heard about love coming in time. My parents had that kind of love, it is the loving each other like a best friend and that is only one part of a solid foundation to marriage. The other is that both have the same romantic desire for each other and are in love with each other. I know from my mom that they did not kiss, but had sex out of duty to produce children of which I am one. We are not Indian but German and many German men died in the World war 2 and my Mom felt it best to find a German outside of the country who might be richer. She made a bad decision at age 17 and married somone she did not know, only someone she had written to, and there was no romantic connection between them. So when Mom reached her 40s, she was done with no love or romance and divorced my Dad to marry another. So just because it is an ancient custom done in India by many, does not make it the best thing for both people.

Breaking away from family traditions is hard if you are given ultimatums of what you must comply with or risk whatever threats they give. This is all about control. This control is evident in meddling in the lives of others rather than working on improving your own life. It is evident and you see it when you said they stuck their noses where they don't belong. You may not have minded going along with this decision to marry but when you did so, in the minds of members of both families, you were now someone to control, like a puppet on a string, doing whatever anyone asks of you.

You mention the threat of SIL using her parents as a threat to ruin yours. Before she really knew you, making such assumtions can not come just from her mind alone. It is more likely she is only copying what she sees and hears from her own parents. I am sure they talk often behind the backs of others, not just you but especially you since you were to marry their son. You said he fell in love with you. If so, then he likely asked his parents to arrange a marriage to you with your parents. If his parents did not like your family for some reason, maybe feeling your family was below their class, or station in life (something important in India but not as important in the U S ) That would explain why all of them would be sticking their nose in all the time, trying to make trouble. You did say you were told his Dad has kept silent and has not caused trouble for your family but only because his son loved you. If I understand correctly, you heard this from SIL, not from the Father of your husband, or as something his Mom or Dad told your husband. So you can't know if this is really true. But the things said to your face is enough to condemn them of being mean, evil spiteful people.

If this man really loves you, more than the traditions of Indian people, then he should be willing to stick up for you, believe you when you tell him all the things they are saying and doing. Threatening your parents is to make sure you do not complain, tell anyone or do the opposite of what they want. Your choosing not to wear the powder and bangles outside in public, is one way you have stood up to them, so I applaud you on that. However that is not good enough. The only thing his family or the SIL has as a hold over you is threats. It could be empty threats they would never csrry out or maybe they would. But they know they have no other way to control the situation but through threats. By the way, your SIL sounds like a 12 or 13 year old by the way she is acting and the things she says about you. This is the kind of stuff you hear from middle school students here in the U.S. , lots of insulting and being mean and meddling. So if anyone has serious mental issues, its her.

The real problem here is that your husband is going along with all of the insults against you by only asking that you all come to peace with each other. You can try to make peace til the day you die but if the other people are unwilling to make peace, then it won't happen.

Either your husband is too simple minded to see what is really happening or maybe he only loves you enough to make it work for him but not enough to make it work for you. The moment he heard insults before your marriage, he should have told his sister that he will not tolerate that behavior and that if she could not at the very least hold her tongue when it comes to you, that he will not want to see her ever again. The moment she called you a mental patient and imbecile and that your mom was unable to train you properly, the husband to be, should have said that he will not allow that behavior. My guess is that either he is more into following whatever rules and laws and traditions are taught in Indian society, or he is afraid of what terrible things his parents would do to him for defying their wishes.From what you said, she is the one who is reckless and out of control and won't listen to or be disciplined by her mom. A common mental trick people with bad issues do is to take what their own problems in character are and point to someone else and say that is the other persons character fault. It is a way of deflecting attention away from themselves so no one looks close enough to see they are the one with the issues. The festival you mentioned, I looked up as I am not familiar with it. It seems a celebration of the close bond between siblings so she probably did only what was expected of her, to ask your husband to mend his relationship with her so they wouldn't be making a mockery of the meaning of Raksha Bandhan.

So the end result is that you did not just marry him, but you married his dad, his mom and his sister, all of whom are trying to play the role of your Indian husband. From some of the terrible stories I have heard compared to the rights of women in the U.S. , women in Indian are not people, they are property and as a piece of property, in Indian culture they must do whatever their husband says, because he owns them, whether it is right or wrong. Not all people still stick to cultural ways but many do.


From the little I know from a daughter going to an Ananda community meeting place based in Hinduism and teachins of Jesus, there doesn't seem to be much joy or loving coming from the members of the in-law family. They don't seem to be really following the teachings of the ascended masters to be more like them, which is the natural procession for us all. They most certainly are not behaving as if they really believe in treating others as they wish to be treated. It is not a matter of one being anothers elder but it is the golden rule which is found around the world in many beliefs and religions. In yours it is: This is the sum of duty; do naught onto others what you would not have them do unto you.
Mahabharata 5,1517

If I were you, I would be scared to stay in this kind of family for the rest of my life. There is no limit to might do to make your life and that of your parents miserable. You might just talk to your parents and tell them what is happening, the things said. If It was me, I'd be recording conversations on phone, saving texts on line, anything that would prove they indeed are making threats or treating you with no respect. Your parents may not believe otherwise. If you had the backing of your parents to pull out and divorce and be gone from the threat of this family, perhaps things would become happy again. I know you are more concerned with feeling hatred for the SIL. You are in a bad place, asked to forgive and mend things with her. I already know it won't work because of her. You on the underhand sound like a gentle person, willing to make amends but you have already done that only to have her come back and treat you terrible again. Since it has happened over and over, much of what you are feeling is not as much hatred as it is frustration that all the efforts you make end up fruitless, the pressure you get from other family members to make things work out, perhaps some of knowing it is right to forgive. Yes, forgiving is not for the sake of the wrongdoer. They don't have to hear it or accept it, it is something for you, to clear your heart of any concerns, feeling light hearted instead of weighed down by negativity which will only eat away at you. I was married to a man who ended up being verbally abusive. I have forgiven him. However forgiving a person does not mean you allow yourself to continue to be subjecting to terrible treatment. That causes stress which as I found out over the years will affect either your mental health or physical health. For me, i was plagued with all sorts of stress caused conditions and illnesses until the day I took my life in my own hands and made a decision I will never regret. I left him. I realized that I was allowing myself to be treated that way by staying. HE had broken all his marriage vows of how to treat me as a wife so I was not bond by those anymore. Likewise, you are not being treated with love and respect by his family which means they have broken the golden rule. As souls, they may be very young and immature, I don t know but this is a law they shoud be striving to learn. If they can't treat you good and live by the teachings they were brought up on, then they are choosing to not comply, and that means they are making decisions all the time to do the opposite of what they know they ought to do. As it was a poisonous thing for me to remain with a husband who treated me like crap, it is the same for you to be treated like this by his family. If he can't stand up to his family, tell them it will not be accepted or tolerated and if they persist, that they will lose him as their son, then they either choose to change or lose their son. And if will not be the fault of your husband, doing something wrong. He does the right thing if he stands up for you. It is honorable to show them how he treasures you so much it hurts him to see them treat you badly. I know a saying Of Jesus was, if you do it to the least of these, you have done it to me. He meant good things but it goes the same for bad things. They are choosing to treat their own son, and for sis, her own brother, as lower than a worm. In an ideal situation, your husband would have said this long ago and when you were still treated badly, he would have cut off communication with them, moved away, changed phone numbers and left their negativity aside. After enough years, the stress of this will affect you as it did me. I am much healthier, happier and even look better as my own children told me after I left the ex husband. I know he isn't the issue of the problem but if he doesn't stand up for you to the point of making such drastic changes to protect you, then he is part of the problem. This is all I have to say and hopefully it will help you decide what you can do to make things better in your life. I can't tell you what to do, just share my take on whats going on and warnings to your health if this persists over the years.

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hi! I'm from Philippines. I'm an IT college student, but I don't know what to do in the future. Lately, I'm not attending any classes since I'm confused since I cannot focus on my class. It seems that I'm not qualified on the course and I'm weak at studying, I don't even understand a thing. I always felt like an idiot because I don't have any talent or a unique mind. it does seem I don't have a brain because when I try to listen on something and rethink it again, I can't remember anything so I fail in my exams. I always felt empty and lazy since I don't have any idea what I'm going to do if I graduate. I want to go to Japan and live there. Right now I'm studying their language because I want to be a translator but it looks impossible since I'm not very good at English(and my letter looks like I don't know.) please help me, I'm a very negative person I immediately give up on things because it looks impossible.

I can't say why you feel like this but one possible cause may be the electro magnetic fields for cell phone signals and wi fi. I have noticed proof read books having errors, buildboards and advertisements with mistakes, and so on. It has increased and gotten worse each year. Then I heard this Ted Talk I am giving link to. Even I am affected and noticing how I can't retain something I just heard recently. This information makes sense. Its not just your own cell usage but being near any cell , being surrounded by people who have their own wi fi internet connections. Heres the link and if you believe this may be the reason, you may need to change where you live to not be near cell towers, and how much usage of anything that uses electro magnetic wavces.
https://www.emfanalysis.com/tedx-wireless-wake-up-call/

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Two years ago, I lent a friend $4500. She told me she would pay me back after a month, but kept putting off payment. Eventually, after 5 months of this, she told me she would pay me back when another friend paid her back a debt he owed her. I told her that was fine. At that point, the friend paid her $1500 and she passed it to me leaving a balance of $3000.

Since then, the other friend's financial situation has not been good and he hasn't paid her any more money back. Consequently, my friend hasn't paid me anything back.

Today, I asked her to start paying me back again. I mentioned that it had been two years and, although the amended plan was to wait for her friend, it has been two years with no sign of progress. I said I don't need the money back right now, I told her we could start a plan to have it paid within one year.

She has not responded well, is being very curt, and says I'm making her feel like shit. Was I a jerk?

If a person needs to borrow money just to pay bills they got behind on or something like that, and they are not currently switching to a new job where they earn a lot more than they made before. then you can count on them never being able to pay you back, just finding someone else to sucker into giving them a loan they never get back. Since this was likely a word of mouth, and nothing legal on paper witnessed by a notary public, I would think the only thing is taking the person to small claims courte but again, they can't make her pay back something she doesn't have. Be careful in the future about the situation where you are wanting to give out a loan to help a friend or anyone. Know for real what they need the money for, if behind on many bills, what happened to cause it. If the economy is to blame and the cost of living is so much higher than what they earn, they will always be in the hole and any money you give is going to end up a donation to the poor rather than a loan where you get it all back. We know quite a few people hard on their luck and a homeless person or two who live out of their cars. When one needed repairs to her car and needed money up front, we gave her a hundred dollars as we didn't have any more free to give and we were okay with if they never got it back at all. She made two payments of $20 0r 25, and then it was a long time because other things came up that she had to pay for, from disability check and she told us asking if she could delay the next payment, so after a few times of another delay, and we know she doesn't have money or ability to work so we told her to not worry that she didn't need to pay back the rest. She was so grateful. So I think having a talk with her, finding out what is up with her, what her needs are, were, and if she still needs money, and is always running short, it may be you know of someone who might know of a job she could do where she'd have more money so she doesn't end up short again and unable to pay back future friends. If income is the problem then just talking to her will help. If its a vice, like gambling, perhaps she would agree to go to gamblers anonymous just because someone cared enough to really ask and want to know what is going on for her.

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Thank you for reading my question.

I am just confused and will like some help on gender identity. Here we go….

I have been assigned the gender of a girl, but I don't always feel that way. Before you start to think "Transgender?", let me get to a point.

For example, one day I feel feminine. I look in the mirror and I absolutely love my body. But the next day I look in the mirror and I hate it so much. (Wait, I'm not done yet.) Then the day after that, I look in the mirror and I don't really care. As in, I don't feel feminine or even masculine. That was just an example. Each feeling could last a few days at the most.

Sometimes, and this just makes it more confusing, I want to wear makeup while wearing a tomboy outfit. Or even the other way around. I want to wear a dress, but no makeup.

This might seem like normal, but I am just very confused on my gender. I think I have one, but sometimes I feel like I don't. But I know that I'm not agender. Please help me.

Thank you so very much.

As the other advice person mentioned, there is always gender fluid which is feeling you are both, changing back and forth between all three feelings.
I read a similar question sometime earlier this year and asked a gal whos in the LGBtq Community about the previous question and she said it sounded like gender fluid.

When it comes to gender identification or sexual orientation, there are so many possibilities that there are a heck of a lot of variations. You don't have to have a title to call it, just explain to friends as clearly as you did here and if they are really friends, or even family, they will still love you for you, not because you have a definite orientation to announce to them.

Then there always my take on it because for me, at very brief moments in my life, I have had the sensation of feeling like a man for just that brief moment and its gone but it is very clear to me and not something I have imagined each time it happens. It so happens I believe in past lives. So if you don't, thats okay, don't mean to offend, just show you how having a theory and believing it enough can take away any unpeace you have of the situation. I have had dreams that I was a male out dating a female and kissing her, and I know I am not gay or transgender but I will have variations of that, I will come to a sudden realization that I was standing or posing like a man just as I did it. All I can think of is from stories of those who died and came back, their stories of souls, is that souls have a preference for one sex over the other but will occasionally choose to be born as the other sex for the experiences that may be easier to learn as that sex. I also had re-occuring dream that was always the same. I was in the house I grew up in, but it was my house and my family and kids I was protecting from marauders trying to gain access at the back door which would not longer fit the frame so it could be locked. I had a brawny male body, I was a strong fighter/protector and finally when I could no longer hold the door in place against them, I finally let them come in but I grabbed one at a time and killed them all by snapping their necks, as if they were twigs. Then I'd wake up feeling guilty for I didn't like the idea of killing people so It disturbed me so I;d hate those dreams. It wasn't until I was told that I was probably a male in past life and had the job of protecting the village inhabitants from ruffians and killers along with a few other strong warrior type men. Yes I could see that and I came to peace with these dreams, realising I was not the one attacking others, but defending and for that reason, I was justified and killing so we weren't killed. I can't explain how such real scenerio as this came to be but that when I finally came to peace, believing that I was possibly a male at some point in the past, the dreams finally disappeared for good and I have had one in 15 years now. I am saying, it could be something else for you but something you want to believe the possibility of it being true and that might help you. I feel that perhaps, if what I believe is possible, then a soul who was the opposite sex from the current one you're born with could be one explanation for soul feeling they are the other sex at times, or all the time as it is a recent experience, in the previous life rather than many lifetimes ago as I believe is the case for me as I don't feel like a male but for seconds, and not very often. I just wish for you to be at peace and accept yourself as what ever you want to call yourself if gender fluid is not quite right, or perhaps another version of it. Come up with what works for you. Someone in the past came up with the terms we use today. Maybe ID fluid, meaning sometimes you identify as female, male or neither.

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