I'm Em.
I'm a 20 year old English/History student living in Sydney.
I dig art, music and books.
I'll take questions on relationships, friendships, high school, uni, or whatever else.
I try to give the best advice I can, usually drawing on my own personal experience. But I'm not perfect, and sometimes when I look back on some of my advice it's far from it (especially when I was 15 and writing LiKe THiS). It's just advice, though. It's not an answer or a solution, it's simply a potentially helpful perspective. And that's all I can offer you.
Photo:
Yayoi Kusama
"Infinity Mirror Room"
Performance art.
Mirrors, soft sculptures.
Castellane Gallery, New York.
1965.
Gender: Female Location: Sydney, Australia. Member Since: January 11, 2007 Answers: 391 Last Update: May 22, 2014 Visitors: 31786
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I am 20/f. I have had one slightly late time of the month (tested not pregnant) two in one month and now over a week late again (again tested and not pregnant).
On top of that they have all been much lighter than normal and only lasted 3 days compared to my usual 5-7 days.
I am just living with my nan, having 2 to 3 meals a day and having at least half hour walks each day.
I will admit that me and the other half are sexually active and have been since May but we are relitavely careful though pregnancy would be a blessing and a curse with our living sitation at the moment.
We would both love children but not yet, we would at least need a flat first and I haven't yet started my job which isn't many hours but its a start.
I am wondering whether or not to leave the GP until next month or book an appointment sometime this week or next? (they're a nightmare to get hold of) (link)
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I'm 19/f and recently my periods have been about a week late too. The only thing that's changed for me is more exercise and better eating, so maybe that's it. Lots of things can change your pattern. Things like stress, sickness, weight gain/loss and medicine you might be taking. Is there anything in your life that has changed, and is there anything else about your health that has been different lately? As in, being sick a lot, headachy, dizziness...etc? If you find a combination then I would say go to your GP and find out if somethings going on.
Sometimes it just happens. Prior to the past two months my periods have been incredibly regular, like to the day I expected them, so it might be my body going through phases.
I actually spoke to a friend of mine and realised I had fallen in sync with her after not seeing her for a while.
I don't think you should be too worried. Periods change all the time. Sometimes they last longer than other times, sometimes they're heavier, sometimes you get cramps and other times you don't. If it'll make you feel better, then definitely book in to see your GP. There's nothing wrong with seeking professional help when you're worried about your health.
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Okay so lately me and my ex boyfriend(we are basically back together but I keep telling him no because my family or friends arent ready to accept him back into my life) have been growing kinda distant. Its not my doing and Ive been getting really emotional over it all. He just moved a few states away but weve done long distance for more than a year. Its like the more I try the less he does. He still says he loves me and wants to be with me for a really long time but im just not feeling the love really. He says its all in my head and nothing is wrong but I just dont know. For example, last night I tried talkiing to him about it and telling him that I was upset and asked if we should see other people. He was like do whatever you want. And I got upset and was like wow do you even care if I leave? And he said that he does and he still loves me but hes tired of me asking the same question over and over. But he doesnt call very much and barely texts me back. I know hes always been bad with the phone but we are back to long distance so he should be dying to talk to me like before. What Im scared of is pushing him away by being too clingy but I dont want him to forget about me either. If anyone knows a way that I could win over his heart again or feel better about this because maybe it really is in my head. I mean it is the first few days of him living away from home but when I first moved away last year I loved talking to him and telling him about my adventures.
Another problem is that I feel completely dependent on him. I really want to fix it. It might be the main reason we are fighting...because I keep wanting more and more. I just really want to be loved and feel like I still make him happy. Hes so focused on boxing and stuff that he seems to always be too tired for me. I know for a fact he isnt cheating on me because hes not the type at all. I really want to feel okay and not so freaking pathetic without him. Please someone help me and give me some good advice about all of this. I dont want to lose him but I dont want to keep being upset. (link)
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It's really difficult for me to know if he does love you and is just getting frustrated at you always asking, or if he is growing distant. But I think it's probably the first reason.
I know how it feels to be dependent on someone, and it's hard to not be when you love them so much. The problem with being dependent on someone else is that you don't understand when that person is hurting you, and you run back to them every time you break up.
Honestly, he sounds like a nice guy. But think about why you two broke up before and if those problems have resolved. These might be what's causing friction.
Okay so with the dependence part. The only way I learnt to be independent and not so needy was by being in terrible relationships. But the good thing about my terrible relationships is I can tell you what I discovered without you having to go through the same thing!
I realised that what's most important is me. You have to always remember that. You come first in your life. That doesn't mean that everything is about you, or that he should be perfect to you, it means that your primary focus should be your education/work/career. What I mean is that you should enjoy your life and work hard to get wherever you want to be. You should hang out with friends and spend time with family. Yes he's important, but there are a lot of other amazing things in your life that you should focus on too.
To stop the clingy-ness, just put things into perspective. He's not perfect, and no one is. You shouldn't expect him to be. In fact, he's a boy, and boys never live up to girls' expectations. You should be less hard on him. He's not intentionally avoiding you or trying to upset you, he's probably just trying to deal with a new place and a long distance girlfriend, both of which are difficult. This is what makes me less clingy with boyfriends, understanding that they are human and they aren't perfect. They make mistakes, say the wrong thing and they will never do or say what I hope they'll do or say. But the more understanding I am with them, and just the more relaxed around them I am, the more they want to be around me.
Also, make sure that you can financially and emotionally support yourself on your own. It doesn't matter if you're 15 or 25, having a job and being a strong, confident woman are important. I'm 19, and my last boyfriend made me realise how much I love being financially independent. I like working, I like earning my own money, I like putting that effort in and getting something back for it. I like paying for myself and paying my own bills. Just being able to take care of myself makes me feel more independent and a lot less dependent on others. I don't have a huge group of friends, but I regularly see my closest friends. Some only once a month, and others once a week, but having other friends gives me emotional stability. I'm not relying on my boyfriend constantly for his love and support, because I have others as well which makes me less dependent on him. And with or without friends or boyfriends, I still feel smart, special and beautiful with how I am. You should remind yourself that you're all of these things with or without your boyfriend every day.
The reason why he's probably being more distant is because of how you're speaking to him. Why would he want to talk to you when all you do is question whether he loves you or not? Think about it in reverse. Would you want to talk to him if he kept asking you if you loved him? Even though they're boys, it hurts them to think you don't trust them and believe them. Especially when they really care about you. Just back up a bit and try to be more positive. Don't be so worried about if he loves you or not, just enjoy talking to him whenever you get the chance.
If you really don't think this guy likes you, then maybe you should consider letting him go. If you decide this though, it has to be definite. You CANNOT go back to him. Because you're really dependent on him, this can be really difficult to do, so you have to have a lot of will power to stop yourself from going back to him.
Long distance relationships can work, but it takes effort. Even if you don't speak to each other every day, there needs to be a lot of trust, which is lacking here. You don't trust him, and that's putting pressure on the relationship. It's hard to accept that he loves you, but just give it a shot.
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21 female. Nick -19
I recently just got into my first real relationship with Nick who is the sweetest guy. He is still a virgin but has done other sexual things.
I know we're going to wait to become sexual, but there is just one thing that's bothering me. I'm not a virgin, I've had sex once. I've been fingered. But I've never given a hand or blow job. I'm a little embarrassed because I'm 21 and have never done this.
I kind of want to try it (when the right time comes) but I know i'll be embarrassed to tell Nick I've never done it. He's completely head over heels for me and I know he would do anything for me so I don't think he would care, but I still feel a little embarrassed. When the time comes do I tell him I've never given one? How do i bring it up? What if we're in the moment, I don't want to ruin it by saying "I don't know how to do this"
Anything will help, thank you!! (link)
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You shouldn't be embarrassed, there's nothing wrong with that! There's really no reason to tell him it if you don't feel comfortable letting him know. And don't worry that you haven't done it, because it's not about experience, it's about figuring out what works for him and how he likes it best.
You won't ruin it by saying you don't know how to do it, I'm sure he'll be more than willing to help you out. Just start slowly and don't think too much about how you're meant to do it. He'll most likely move you around or tell you to do something that he likes better. Just be gentle until he asks you to do it harder, so you don't hurt him.
If you do want to tell him, then you have nothing to worry about. Yes it will be a little embarrassing, but he won't be upset at all. Just tell him to give you some guidance when you're doing it.
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I had sex wednesday night and i plan on it again sat night, both with a condom. I wanna take plan b just incase cause i don't wanna take any risks of pregnancy. Could i just take one sunday morning? or do I have to take 2 since I had sex twice? (link)
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The morning after pill is really only for emergencies, but if you want to take it then make sure you speak to your chemist.
You're able to take the pill 72 hours after having sex, though some can be a little longer, like up to 100 hours. You can take it only ONCE in the amount of time you're asking. Taking the pill too often can be really dangerous. These reasons are why you need to talk to your chemist/pharmacist. The pill is called emergency contraception for a reason, you only use it in an emergency and never too often. If you're planning on doing this often, it isn't going to work out. This is something you're really only meant to take when you really need it.
I think you should really reconsider your birth control method. If the condoms didn't break or there was no clear leakage, then there's really no need to take plan B. If you're really worried, you might want to think about getting on the pill. If you're embarrassed, like maybe because you don't want to tell your mum, it's honestly better to just deal with that embarrassment to avoid having a baby.
Plan B also has side effects. When you take it, you feel pretty terrible. Mostly nausea and things like that.
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my boyfriend turns 17 soon and im only 13 what should i do???? (link)
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Over the 4 and a half years on this website there have been a lot of questions about being too old or young for someone, and I think I'm finally coming to a conclusion.
Life is life. You'll make mistakes and regrets. You'll accomplish some things, fail at others, and succeed in your own way. You'll meet people, make friends, lose friends, love people and lose people.
If you don't think he's too old, and you don't think you're too young, then I think it's fine. If you feel uncomfortable with it, or if you feel like maybe he is too old or you're too young, then you should really think about whether you should be in this relationship.
If you decide to stay with him and it doesn't work out, that's okay. Sometimes that happens in life. You'll meet new, amazing people and have more relationships in the future.
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im 13 and i talk to alot of older guys mostly 15 16 17 year olds and like we talk and get to know each other and then they ask me out i usally say yeah and then they send my umm picks that i really don't want then they ask me for pics and i have sent them but then the next day i usally have a new boyfriend i love talking to guys but i just feel like a slut because they are so much older then me does that make me a slut??? (link)
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A slut is normally someone that sleeps around a lot. You're definitely NOT a slut.
I think the word 'slut' is an ugly word that people shouldn't use. People have their own bodies and can use them however they want, it's no one else's business but theirs.
You're really young, and older guys know that they can take advantage of your naivety. When I was in school, a lot of guys my age would date girls in younger grades. One, because it was easier to date them then girls their own age, and two, because it's easier to persuade them to do things like take pictures of themselves or have sex.
You're a really smart girl for not taking pictures. You could send one picture to a guy you really like and trust, and he could show everyone he knows. You're a teenage girl and no matter what I say you're going to do your own thing, but try not to give in to something you don't want to do. If you don't feel comfortable doing something, even if you're under a lot of pressure to do it, you have every right to say no.
Every girl, especially when they become teenagers, love hanging out with guys and having boyfriends. It's normal! But if being with them makes you uncomfortable, then stop for a while. You will always have the chance to have boyfriends in the future. If they ask you to take pictures and you don't want to, then say no straight out. If they have a problem, well who cares? They're not a nice guy if they aren't willing to listen to you and understand when you don't want to do things.
I know you're smart enough to make your own decisions. Just remember that older guys can and will try to manipulate you to do things that they want, so be careful.
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Well I just wanted to say thanks, everything you said is extremely helpful and I think some time apart is exactly what she and I need.
I took the initiative on this and even selected different courses at a different campus this year just for a tiny break, its pretty much all I can do at the moment because me and my best friend sort of live across from each other.
Also, we happen to work at the same place. (see what I mean by we're all each other has?)
So being apart is kind of difficult but I honestly thing is the best at the moment. Thanks again! (link)
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You're welcome!
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So I talked to my best friend to work things out (i hope you remember me? I asked about cutting her off or not) and well I made sure to let her know how uncomfortable it makes me feel that she keeps in contact with him still.
She of course says that she does not care for him and the only reason she still talks to him is to "hear what he has to say about the whole thing".
I tried my best to let her know this guy's game, because obviously to him this is just a game. I told her all the things he would say not only about her but how he felt towards me, just to show her that he's just a player. I thought she had seen it, but not she's still lying to me about hanging out with him and I honestly don't know what to do...I feel as if she doesn't care about our friendship and I'm trying my best not to lose her, but how can I trust a person that only feeds me lies? I honestly don't know what to do to make things better anymore. No we're fighting all the time, and I even called her a hypocrite because when this guy and I would talk (even after everything happened, before I took notice of his game) she would cry to me and tell me that she felt like I was choosing him over her and that as long as he was around our friendship wasn't going to get better, basically making me chose between him or her. I obviously decided to let him go...hence why he went after her. And there she is being a hypocrite and hanging out with him after everything she said. This I did tell her and she has nothing to say back. So you tell me, I am desperate for advice. What should I do? (link)
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I guess if she's not willing to compromise or listen to her best friend, you just have to do what's best for you.
She can't let go of this guy, and if she can't do that for you then what's the point in putting all this effort into her? I know I said there's not a lot worth ruining a friendship over, but when you do everything you can to make it work and the other side isn't doing the same, it's just not fair.
I'm not saying ruin the friendship, just let her do her own thing and spend more time doing your own thing. This doesn't really mean cutting her out, but maybe just stop talking so much to her or being around her a lot. Focus more on your life, and just having fun. I think you said in the last one you were all you both kind of had, but you could use this time to make some friends. I think having different groups of friends is great, because you're socialising and it makes you a more confident person, but also because it's nice to be able to do different things with other people that you might not be able to do with your best friend.
I have a feeling it's probably going to pan out like this. She likes him, she'll want to be with him, you guys will stop talking, he'll use her and leave her, she'll be upset and come back to you.
I think for now tell her that you can't deal with the lack of trust, and just leave it at that. Spend a few weeks away from each other. And things change over time, so just see what happens.
If she does get hurt and comes back to you, you can choose your own way of accepting her back or not. I think that it would be nice though for you to understand that she liked this guy and just couldn't see that he was a player, even though it might be really obvious that he is.
You may not always be best friends, but remember that you can always just be friends. People that see each other occasionally and hang out here and there.
I can't really tell you what to do or not to do, at this point it's up to what you think is best for you.
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This question relates to the question you answered for me about Green Day. I'm working on getting a job so I can go to a concert, but until then I've decided to send them some fanmail. Do you know the best address to send it to? And what should I say in the letter?? (link)
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I looked it up and this is what I found:
Green Day
Adeline Records, Llc.
543 Encinitas Blvd.
Suite 101
Encinitas, CA 92024
USA
Green Day
c/o Warner Bros. Records Inc.
P.O. Box 6868
Burbank, CA 91510
USA
idiotclub@aol.com.
So, there are two addresses. The first one I got from this site: http://www.fanmail.biz/51268.html
And the second one I got from multiple sites, so I would say use the second one (the green day c/o warner bros one). But you're welcome to send mail to both.
They also have an email address I looked up called idiotclub@aol.com as on their website they have a thing called 'idiot club', but I'm not sure if they still use this email or not.
Just be honest. You don't have to tell them too much if you don't want to, even just something like "when I was younger, your music really helped me through some tough times and I really appreciate it". Speak from the heart! Ask them some questions if you like about what they're up to or whatever you want to know. And on that fanmail website there is some information on what to do if you want something autographed.
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Ever since I can remember I've loved Green Day. They gave me soo much inspiration. My dad abused me a lot and when I was 8 we got in a huge car wreck and that's when I moved away fro my dad. So I didn't have much of a dad influence and as crazy and stupid as this sounds Green Day and the inspiration it gave me kind of became my father figure. The more I learned about them the more I just wanted to meet them. They mean so much to me I even learned to playh guitar and fell in love with music. My biggest dream is to meet them and (once again I know crazy) be friends with them somehow. I realize tons of ppl want the same thing and I'm not saying I'm more worthy of it but its so important to me. I don't have money to get tickets to a concert to meet them. And I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any ideas? (link)
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I don't want to bring you down, but it's pretty difficult to meet bands without going to their concerts. I think something that would mean just as much to you would be contact with them.
Try and find some contact information on their website. Usually it will have an email address or something like that. If you can't find a direct email, why not try their twitter? Just tell them what they did for you, and that you're grateful. It's really wonderful to tell someone that they've made an impact on your life, and made you the person you are today.
To get tickets, maybe ask some family members? Or see if there are any competitions on radio stations or on music websites. I won tickets to a concert on a music channels website, and I know a lot of people that have won them from radio shows.
I hope you do get the chance to meet them one day, but if you don't, don't be upset. I think it's just wonderful that they inspired you so much, and you should just be happy that they were able to do that for you.
And if you are able to get into contact with them, the feeling you get when they reply to your email or message is amazing. When I was 16 I emailed my favourite author telling her that I loved her books, and was completely shocked when she emailed me back. I was so excited and it meant so much to me to know that she read what I had to say and spent the time replying to me. Whether or not you meet them, just having them reply to you means the world.
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Hi so long story short I'm 15f and the guy is 17m andwe had a lot of flirting going on in summer 2010 nothing happened and I guess you can say it's the closest I ever got with a guy. He switched schools last school year half way through idk why. But he randomly just stopped texting me way back in septtember. No I just over think things all the time and I'm allways sad bc I miss him and I want that summer back. And I hear stories about him doing stuff with other girls and yet they don't effect me the way I think I still feel. Ive been wanting to get over him bug allways he just pops into my head and I don't share stuff with people so I allways just go in my room and cry like every day:( please help to getoverhim (link)
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You're not depressed or obsessed, you're a normal teenage girl!
I remember when I was 15 and had the biiigest crush on a guy in a few of my classes, which lasted for about a year!
At any age, when you like someone and they stop talking to you, it hurts. Whether you're 15 or 25, you always get upset that the guy you like doesn't feel the same way back. The difference is that this is one of the first guys you've liked a lot. I know it's one of the first guys you've liked a lot because you're still upset about what happened.
I promise you'll find someone else and get over this guy eventually, it just takes some time. The best way to get over someone is to take a deep breath, hold your head up high and enjoy your life. It's okay to be sad and cry, but you should be happy! Spend more time every week outside of school with your friends, by surrounding yourself with people you love and happy times you'll become a happier person.
The only thing that will help you get completely over him is time. You liked him a lot, and that's why it hurts so much. But think about it as a good thing. Isn't it wonderful that you were able to feel something so strong? Not everything in life can be good, you have to take the bad that comes with it to.
Don't keep it all pushed down inside of you, talk to your friends! I love being able to talk to my best friends about problems and if I'm still sad about old boyfriends and what-not. And I love when my friends come to me to talk, because it means they trust me and want to share their personal thoughts and feelings with me.
What you feel is completely normal, every girl I know has gone through the same thing! Just don't let this stop you from living your life and being happy. So remember, spend more time with friends, don't forget to smile, and always remember that you WILL get over him in time.
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I am having unprotected sex. i was reading about how a person can have normal periods for a while during pregnancy and don't have symptoms until later into the pregnancy.. i have gained weight but i still have my period could i be pregnant. i guess its a possibility, but at the same time i'm probably just worrying myself. i am not that worried if i am, what i would be worried about is that neither me or my boyfriend haven't found job in this stupid economy and we live separate from each other in our own families... i could just be getting fat and that's why i gained weight obviously.. but whatever.. thanks (link)
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It's called 'spotting' where you release menstrual-like fluids regularly every month, but yes it can appear as if you're having your period even if you are pregnant.
Best way to know would be to either get a pregnancy test from your local chemist/pharmacy, or to go to your doctor. If you try the pregnancy test and it says negative, and if you still feel worried, go to your doctor. They'll be able to give you a more conclusive result.
If you don't want to worry about getting pregnant, I would suggest using protection from now on.
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I have really low self confidence.. I need some help or advice on how to be confident in myself. There are times when I look in the mirror and think i'm really pretty, but then I go out and see other gorgeous girls and then I think i'm nothing compared to them. I know its bad to compare yourself to other people because there will always be someone better than you.. but I can't help it. It really gets to me. It affects me so much that sometimes I think my boyfriend will dump me for a prettier girl, even though he says i'm the most beautiful girl ever.
Its not just the looks though. I have low self confidence talking to people. My friends can go up to a stranger and start a conversation so easily.. but whenever I try, it seems so hard and I just never get that confidence.
I'll be starting college in a few days and I'd really like to boost my confidence by then. Any help?? (link)
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I know exactly what you mean. When I was in High School, after year 9 I became really self conscious. This made me start to hate the way I looked, I compared myself constantly to girls around me, and I became really quiet and shy.
What changed for me was the end of High School. High School is a completely different place to the rest of the world. When you're in it, it's like being in a condensed society, where pressures and ideals on perfection and body image surround you completely. When you start college, you'll realise that the real world doesn't care so much about looks. In High School, everyone wants to be perfect, but in the real world everyone understands there's no such thing as one kind of perfect. Everyone has flaws, and everyone also has their amazing points and best features.
When I finished High School, I just felt a weight lift from me. I felt more comfortable being myself and not worrying so much about what other people think.
Don't be worried about college. When I started University, I was still self conscious and shy, but you're forced to be around different people all the time, constantly socialising, and that makes you a more confident person.
You see, confidence isn't something you're born with, it's something you learn. You become a confident person by making yourself talk to people. I used to get so nervous my stomach would turn and I'd get shaky when I'd have to talk in front of the class or to other people! But, I pushed myself and said to myself, "what's the worst that could happen? I could embarrass myself, and that's it. Everyone would forget about it by tomorrow anyway."
I'm a lot more confident now with other people and in the way I look now because I made myself talk to people and socialise. Even my friends comment now on how confident I am! When I walk into a store and buy a shirt, I ask the girl behind the counter how her day has been and make small talk. Doing little things like this will help you boost your confidence.
The only regret you can have in not doing something is the regret of not trying. If you don't try, you'll never know. If you never apply for that job because you're too shy, the only person missing out is you.
You're a stunning girl! Your boyfriend doesn't say you're the most beautiful girl ever for no reason, he says it because he looks at you and knows you are beautiful, inside and out.
I think something that helped me feel better about myself was taking better care of myself as well. I didn't have negative thoughts, I replaced them with positive ones. If I ever felt ugly, I stopped thinking that and told myself I was beautiful and no one is perfect. By being a happy, friendly and polite person, even to people that are mean or rude to me makes me feel good about myself too. Don't be afraid to smile, I do it every day! Sometimes I'll be walking down the street and see something that makes me smile, and I'm proud to walk down the street with a smile on my face. I also exercise regularly and eat good food so I feel full of more energy and feel good about my body. I'm not the perfect size and I have had to lose weight, but as long as I'm exercising and eating well I deserve to feel confident and beautiful.
Doing these little things like being more positive and just forcing yourself to talk more to other people, even smiling for no reason helps you become more confident. Confidence will come to you over time, you just have to keep pushing past your comfort zones and boundaries when talking to people.
Just a final note, there are a lot of times even now where I don't feel attractive. Sometimes I'll go out and people will take photos, and I'll hate those photos because of how I look. But I look back on them, some are from a few months ago and some a few years ago, and I realise that I actually look really nice and pretty in them. The way you see yourself isn't the way you really look, it's just an allusion. You're so much more beautiful than you think you are, and if you keep trying to be a happier, more positive and more confident person, one day you'll see how beautiful you really look.
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Okay so, my best friend and I have been close ever since 5th grade. We're now in our sophomore year in college so that would be about 9 years of friendship.
A while back in 10th grade, she decided to hook up with one of my ex boyfriends. I admit that it bothered me for a bit but he and I weren't that serious so i decided to let it slide. And the three of us became really close.
Now, about a few months ago I started talking to this guy who she HATED and was all wrong for me because he was currently in a relationship. He ended up leaving his girlfriend. And recently I found out that my best friend was hooking up with him while he and I were still talking.
We've been in a lot of fights since this, the thing is that we are pretty much all that each other has so its really difficult to let go...I'm guessing.
We both stopped talking to this guy and continued our friendship. But about a week ago she started hanging out with him again, she was being honest at first but now she's lying about hanging out with him again.
I really don't know what to do, there obviously isn't any trust between us when all she does is lie. Should I just completely cut this person from my life? Or not? Help. (link)
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You can be best friends with someone, and in a day you can have the worst fight that tears you apart. A few months ago, one of my best friends had been acting pretty rude to me and had done a lot of things that upset me. One night, we had a massive argument that lasted for about 3 hours. We stopped talking for 4 months or so and I thought we'd never be friends again.
I was in my second year of college, I had about only three friends (one who was the girl i had that massive argument, another who I only saw at college and the third one who I barely saw at all). I was so upset at not having this girl in my life, and on top of that I felt incredibly lonely.
Only a week ago did she speak to me and we've started being friends again. In those months, I realised how silly it is to end a friendship over things that really aren't that bad.
The thing is, it happens. Even when you're best friends with someone, there will be a time when you two don't get along. Sometimes it's because they do something that is so wrong, but you know what? I don't think it's worth losing a friendship over.
There is a bit of an 'unwritten rule' about getting with your best friends ex. This rule means you have to ask your friend if you can hit on them, get with them, date them, whatever. But it's an unwritten rule for a reason. This thing in 10th grade happened years ago, and I don't understand why you would still be thinking about it. It's really not that big of a deal, I mean you guys were high school kids. If it bothered you, you should have said then or even say now "that really upsets me, it would be nice if you could ask me about hanging out or hooking up with my ex's before you do it, just out of courtesy."
The new situation is different, though. It's not cool for her to be hooking up with a guy you're interested in and that you're still talking to. And it's definitely not cool that she's hanging out with him secretly.
My advice is to NOT give her the ultimatum, i.e, "it's me or him". This never works. You need to talk to her about it. Explain why you're upset, and maybe she has things she's upset about to.
Maybe she did hate him because she didn't think it was right for someone in a relationship to be with another person. And maybe when she got to know him a little, she realised she really liked him and wanted to be with him. It might not be that she wants to hurt you or upset you, but that she really likes this guy and went about everything the wrong way.
People make mistakes, and I don't think there's much that is worth losing a friendship over. Cutting a person out of your life is awful, especially someone you're so close with. It's not something you get over easily and it always hurts. Best friends are more than friends, they're family. And you don't cut family out of your life over boys and arguments.
I honestly understand that what she did and is doing is horrible and really hurts, but I don't want someone else to give up their best friend like I did. Please talk to her.
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hi! female, 18. soo i need serious help. i have had a serious issue with food for about the last 5 months. it started when i became very self conscious about my body and i went on a very calorie restricted diet and lost about 30 pounds then i gained it all back. i am very embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. i binge eat a lot and when im done i feel awful and guilty and ashamed. i have been able to maintain my weight by working out and starving myself after a binge. i know this is very unhealthy but i have no idea what to do. food is seriously controlling my life and im scared its going to get worse when i got to college and it will affect my sports. pleasee help :( (link)
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How quickly did you lose the weight?
When you lose weight quickly, you tend to gain it back pretty quickly as well. I lost about 6 kilos when I had the flu, and then gained half of it back in 2 weeks! The best way to lose weight in my opinion, and from my experience, is by eating a good, healthy balanced diet and by exercising regularly. You'll lose the weight slowly, but I think that's the best way to lose weight. Losing it quick just hurts your body and can result in weight gain.
I've had weight problems as far back as I can remember, and now at the age of 19 I've only just started to really understand healthy eating, exercise and what works for me.
The best advice on eating was actually something I overheard. Two women were eating lunch, and one said "I've already eaten all of my lunch, but I'm gonna eat this extra sandwich anyway" and the other woman said "no! you know what that is? habit."
Eating is a habit, and the great thing about this is that you can change your eating habit!
Firstly, you need to understand that by eating properly and exercising regularly you WILL lose weight, even if it does take a lot of time. This is about eating breakfast, lunch, dinner AND snacks. I'm 19 and 5'4 with an average body type. I should be eating about 1500-1600 calories per day, and absolutely no less than 1200. I downloaded this great app on my iPhone called fitness pal and it estimated how many calories I should eat per day to lose weight. This app also helps me count my calories in every meal.
This comes to my second point, calorie counting. Do not lower your daily calorie intake to 1200 or less. I would actually say minimum 1300. Calorie counting works out really well for me, especially with the Fitness Pal app. Even without the app, you can buy books or just google types of food to get an estimate of their calorie value. When you get into the habit of this, it becomes really easy for you to estimate how many calories are in a meal without having to look it up. Food is meant to be enjoyed, not feared. Watching your calories will help you figure out a balance in how many calories per meal and per snack. You should usually start off with a big breakfast and reduce your meal sizes after that.
Thirdly, habit. It's really hard for the first couple of months to get into the habit of choosing the healthier meal and by deciding when to not eat or stop eating. Try to have a vague idea or organise your meal plan for the day so you don't stray and snack too much. When I make meals, I count the calories and if something is unnecessary (like say, a piece of chocolate) then I put it back. You will feel really hungry for a while, but your body will get used to your lower food intake.
NEVERR starve yourself or crash diet. The reason why you shouldn't go below 1200-1300 calories per day is because with that minimal amount of calorie intake, your body will go into starvation mode. This means it will store any food you eat as fat, and you'll lose no weight. Not only that, but it puts a lot of strain on your body that's trying to deal with too much food, and then not enough food.
Don't be scared though! It's okay! You CAN and WILL control your eating habits with some strong willpower and tenacity. If I can control my eating habits and lose weight, you certainly can!
I said earlier about healthy eating, regular exercising and finding what works for me. Healthy eating is about eating all different kinds of food (meats, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, grains, fruits, vegies...etc). You don't need to think too much about it, it's really just making sure that you eat healthy food every day and avoid fatty, fried, greasy, oily foods. Regular exercise means exercise 5-7 days a week for at least 30 minutes.
What will help you control your eating habits is by finding what works for you. For me, it was about removing bad foods from my house completely (so no chocolates or junk food). It also meant replacing foods I eat with healthier versions. For example, white bread with brown bread, full cream milk with skim milk, lean chicken and beef mince and things like that. By removing those from my grasp, it was a lot easier for me to control what I ate. Also, I had to use a lot of willpower when it came to fast food. If I was out somewhere and had to buy lunch, I stopped and thought about what to eat. I thought to myself, "is that quarter pounder really worth it? A nice salad from that place would make you feel a lot better and would be a lot healthier".
This is another great tip for controlling your eating habits, just stopping and thinking about what you're doing and what you're about to eat.
I didn't like exercise much at all, but I decided to try jogging and found that I loved it! I love jogging around the parks near my house. They're not the most picturesque, but they're quiet and I like that time to calm down and just be by myself for a little while every day.
There are some other things you can do to help with your eating habits:
- Talk to people. It's hard, but talking to family members about how you eat and asking them to help you out is a great way for you to be able to find some moral and real support. If you can't talk to them, try your friends. Me and my friends joined a local gym and try to eat healthier meals together. We talk to each other about how healthy we're eating, if we're going off track which helps us motivate and support each other.
- Another tip is if it's really difficult for you, to go to professionals. Find a dietrician, or if you can't just go to your local doctor and ask to be referred to someone. Fitness trainers are excellent too if you have the money, as they can give you fantastic advice and keep you on track.
- Finally, there are tonnes of healthy eating and weight loss forums or even groups possibly near you. A lot of what I know about losing weight has come from just google searching questions about food, eating habits, exercising and things like that. Don't always accept what someone says, look at different websites and see if what they say matches what other people have said, then take their advice.
By the way, you're absolutely gorgeous no matter what size you are. Never forget that. Look at yourself every day and tell yourself you're beautiful, because you are, and you deserve to know it.
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So I'm 20 years old and I live at home with my older sister(21) and my mom(57). We are poor and my sister and I mostly support the family. My mom is a waitress and she works 4 days a week.my sister and I work more than my mom does and she expects us to give her 200 dollars every two weeks to pay bills. She barely contributes any money. She buys groceries and that's about it. She is depressed and I want to help her but she won't even help herself. She won't find another job or even try to get a better one. I really want to move out but if I do, my mom is probably gogoing to lose her house. If I don't give her money she makes me feel like a horrible person and I can't take it anymore. I don't want to leave her because I love her so much but I just can't deal with this anymore. I am starting to become depressed and my life isn't getting any better. Should I stay or should I go? (link)
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I want to give you advice from my experience with my mum, but I would really recommend speaking to either a councillor or a psychiatrist about your mother, even if it's just in one session, to get better advice on what to do.
My mum is really depressed and it doesn't matter what me or my siblings to do help. She also seems to have no idea how much her being this way hurts us. She's been unemployed for a long time and refuses to get a job. She's wasted time doing courses and even building up her own personal business, but as soon as she gets work she whines about how much she loathes it. She's been offered amazing jobs that fit perfectly with my younger brothers school schedule, but she still rejects them.
Honestly, you can't help people like that. It hurts so much to see someone you love so depressed, and it's so hard trying to help them when they just seem to have given up on trying. The only thing that keeps me sane is being able to be away most of the week at college or work, and every second week I move to my Dads house for a release.
The best thing for you is to make yourself happy. You are such a wonderful and selfless person for supporting your mum and trying to help her, but it's not your duty! You shouldn't have to sacrifice your happiness.
I know it's horrible to leave her, but I know that even if us kids weren't here, my mum would still find a way to keep the house. If she really had to, she would work. I think this is the same for your mum. If she really had to work more or find a different job to live, she would.
You and your sister are amazing, wonderful people. The issues your mother has are really intense and she needs to talk to a professional about them. This is something she has to do on her own, because she will never let anyone else help her.
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Hi I'm 15f looking for a job next summer so I will be 16. I was wondering where's a good place for me to work I'm kinda looking for more of a food or a grocery store job. What places would be good ive been on job search websites but there not helpful to me. Does giant eagle hire at age 16? (link)
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I live in Australia, but here pretty much any food or retail job would LOVE to hire a girl your age. Most jobs in fast food joints, restaurants, grocery stores and retail stores will want someone your age because of the small pay.
Apply EVERYWHERE! That's your best bet. Hand out resumes or ask for applications at video stores, fast food outlets, restaurants, grocery stores, clothing stores, and really anywhere else that has "work wanted" signs up.
The best way to make an impression is to walk straight in there, introduce yourself with a big smile and a confident voice, and say that you're looking for some work in the summer. Tell them your availability, leave your resume with them, and just be really lovely and polite.
Also, try networking. This means tell everyone you know you're looking for work next summer. If any of them hear of some work, you'll be the first one they think of.
If you live in America and you're hoping for next year summer, I'm not sure how many places would consider hiring you just yet. Hand out resumes anyway, but you may want to try closer to the summer as well (like a few months in advance).
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Okay I'm 15/F and am an inspiring writer. I have wanted to become a writer since I was 11. I have writen several stories so far and have a few questions on publishing and stuff.
1. How old do you have to be to publish something?
2. Where can I find a publisher willing publish a book from me? I specialize in horror romance and fantasy so if you have a name of a place. I live in Alberta canada so.
3. Is an editor the same as a publisher?
4. Is there anything else pI really need to know about being a writer? Any advice from writers or publishers is helpful thank you!!! (link)
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Just a note, I have not worked in editing or publishing before. The knowledge I have is from personal research, what I've been told from my University lecturers and from people who are in/have experienced within the industry.
1. Any age.
2. I don't live in Alberta, so I have no idea. But, start by google searching places. Google maps is great too. You can usually just search "publishing houses in Alberta" or something like that and lists will come up. Wiki will usually have a page on the 'big' book publishers near you.
Another idea is to look at books from authors within your genre who have published within Alberta or around you in Canada. Usually on the front/back and spine of the book there will be the publishers logo. There are also details within the first few pages of the book with the publishers details. Look them up and find some contact information. That's probably your best bet. Also, it might help to read some of the books that these companies publish to get an idea of what they expect in your standard of writing.
3. No. There are all different kinds of editors and publishers, and each publishing company might be different. You have junior editors, senior editors, editor assistants (which can be classified as juniors or receptionists), executive or the 'big boss' editors, and possibly more (or less, depending on the size of the company). These are just the manuscript editors, then you have other editors that work on the publishing side, dealing with the presentation of books and images used before the text is published. Editors are like the in-between people that work with the writer and the publisher.
Then you have the many branches of publishing. In book publishing, the editors work with the publishers (who are graphic designers, possibly CEOs or bosses within the company, copyeditors, printers, and probably more). These are the people that work at turning your manuscript (your story) into a thousand glossy-covered books. They also organise things like how to sell it to the right audience, advertisement and things like that.
4. Here are a few tips that people have given me over the years:
- If you want to be a writer, you have to read, read and read some more. No book is completely original, every book is an appropriation of ideas/characters/settings that come from other books and inspirations. Reading as many books as possible expands your knowledge and understanding of writing.
- Write every day. A poet once told me you can't just write when you're inspired, because you'd only write every couple of years. Even when you don't want to, write anyway.
- If you're stuck for ideas, try freewriting. This is where you just write/type as much as you can for 20 minutes or so. You don't stop even for a moment. If you run out of things to say, you just write whatever comes into your mind, like "I can't think of anything to say purple monkey dishwasher". Don't worry about editing either. This technique helps you to think up ideas. If you have the opposite problem where you have TOO many ideas, then freewriting is perfect for this as well! Just keep writing non-stop all your ideas, explain them, talk about characters and your thoughts on what you want to write about.
- The best advice given to me on trying to get published came from a real editor. A LOT of editors used to be (or still are) writers. The editor I met worked in a writer's magazine, and she had previously written a lot of poetry and articles herself. She said to me that if you want to get published, you just have to submit your work and submit it everywhere and anywhere. You know that you were close to being published if your work is returned to you with a lot of feedback.
- Feedback is essential to any writer. You only improve your writing with consistent effort (writing regularly) and with constructive criticism. The best feedback I've ever received in creative writing came from my Year 11 English teacher, and it was just a simple sentence! He said to me, "you go a little overboard with your vocabulary and techniques, you might want to try using them a little subtler." I listened to him and in my end of year exams I got 100% for my creative writing piece. So, any feedback is good and you should really listen to what others have to say.
- This is advice I got from my sister. She told me that wherever you are, and whatever career you want to get into, find mentors. These are people who know their way in the industry and can help you a lot with your work. This is fantastic advice for multiple reasons;
1) Networking. To get yourself published, it's better to know people. It's hard to make it in this kind of industry without knowing people already in it.
2) These people give you POSITIVE FEEDBACK. There is absolutely a difference between someone criticising your work and someone giving you constructive criticism. Don't ever let someone tell you that you can't be a writer, or even let someone make you feel like that. Even if it's an editor/publisher. Sometimes this means that your writing isn't up to a publishing standard yet, but it does not and it will never mean that you can't be a writer. It just means you need to push yourself to better your work and to get your stuff published eventually.
Mentors help you understand where you're missing the mark in your writing and make you feel like you're worth the time. They're amazing people, and you should surround yourself with them.
- A final tip is to get other people to read your work. Preferably teachers, parents or even just some close friends. They have to be people that can give you honest feedback and while it can be a little upsetting sometimes, you have to accept their criticisms of your work.
A little extra word is that in your life, you may feel like you've lost your passion for writing. The best thing I ever did was go to University, and to a University that had creative writing units. They were amazing classes and they've helped me find mentors in all different fields. If you ever feel like you're losing touch with writing, take some classes wherever you can, inside and outside of college. Or even join writing groups.
There are a million tips for writing, but I've just put my favourites that have really helped me along the way.
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21 female
So I'm not necessarily the most experienced girl. And for some reason whenever I am sexual with someone, it always turns out different than I thought it would.
In my head it's perfect and then when It actually comes time to doing it, I feel like I'm doing it completely wrong and It's not sexy at all.
Does anyone else feel like this? Maybe I'm doing it right (whether it's something small from sucking/kissing his neck to giving a bj) but for some reason I don't feel like I ever do anything correctly. I don't feel sexy and get hot and heavy even when I'm top of a guy half naked and start kissing him all over. Maybe I think about it too much when I'm in the act, I don't know!
Any advice to get through this? (link)
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Sorry, I'm on my phone and can't scroll down, but what I meant to say further down was because you're inexperienced you FEEL like you're not doing it right, NOT that you aren't doing it right. Apologies!
I think it's just over-thinking and a lack of confidence.
Every girl (at least that I've ever met) has concocted this incredible, perfect image of a romantic, passionate moment with a man, only to have it fail miserably (even me!). No moment or experience is ever going to be as perfect as you imagine it, but don't let that get you down! An amazing moment isn't a perfect moment, actually I think it's an imperfect moment. Where you don't plan things or idealise them, they just happen.
If you keep imagining the perfect time of course you're going to be let down. I know I imagine perfect experiences or moments all the time and it upsets me when they don't turn out like I planned, and I know how hard it is to just relax and let things happen. What I'm trying to say is that what you feel is normal. Everyone wants perfection, and everybody tries to imagine the ultimate moment of passion and how exactly it would be played out.
My advice is just to try and not imagine it. Passionate moments should just happen, as a spur of the moment (...with protection). I think that the reason you don't feel sexy or get hot is because you've been imagining it and building yourself up for the moment, instead of just waiting until a time when you're turned on and want to do things.
The second part of my advice is to gain some confidence and build your self-esteem. You're gorgeous and sexy! Tell it to yourself every day. A guy wants to be near you and sexual with you because he finds you super attractive. If you're feeling unsexy, do some things to make you feel better, like; getting a new hairdo/cut, makeover, new clothes, and DEFINITELY new sexy lingerie (because new lingerie always makes women feel good!)
Maybe just take things slow, too. As slow as you feel you need them to be. And if you're not feeling the vibe, then don't do it. It doesn't matter if you're on top of a guy half naked, if you don't feel turned on, then get off him and put your clothes back on. Doing sexual things when you don't want to do them won't help you.
You've said that you're not the most experienced girl, and I think that maybe because of that you're just not doing anything right. The best part about being inexperienced is that you get to learn. If it doesn't feel right, try something else. If you don't feel sexy or turned on, don't make yourself do sexual things. You should do sexual things with another person when you trust them and when it just feels right.
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What programs does the Macbook Pro come with?
like does it come with any video editing programs and webcam programs or anything like what comes on a PC or do you have to buy it all when you buy your Mac? Do you get any programs free?
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I have a MacBook Pro 13" and I love it. It comes with 'FaceTime' which is like skype but for people with Mac products. You can download skype, msn and other things like that off the net for free. It also comes with iMovie, Photo Booth and an image editor, but all of these aren't super amazing programs. Fun to play around with and pretty similar to programs you'd have already installed on a PC, but if you want something more professional you'll probably have to buy it off the AppStore. There's an AppStore program already installed on Macbook Pros, so you can go straight on there and search for things you want. If you don't want to give your credit card details away, you can purchase an iTunes gift card and use the money from that to buy apps + music on iTunes.
It comes with programs like 'notes' that's on PC, but you will have to pay to buy programs like Word, Excel, Powerpoint...etc. I wouldn't suggest buying these for the Macbook because it takes up too much space and causes lagging. I got 'Pages' which is just like MicroWord for about $20 on the AppStore. ALSOO, if you want to see what programs you can get from the AppStore, I'm pretty sure you can look at it from the Apple website.
It comes with some other things like GarageBand which is a music editing/creating program, and rudimentary programs like iTunes, QuickTime, Dvd playing program...etc. It also has an inbuilt virus checking software so you don't need to install anything or do scans (well, that's what Apple told me anyway). You will need to download things like Java, Adobe reader, Flash player and things like that though.
Honestly, the only downfall I have with the Macbook pro is that installing the Micro Office products takes up too much space, but I only really need Pages anyway for Uni. And I have a desktop with all of that on it anyway.
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