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Sex life struggle
21 female
So I'm not necessarily the most experienced girl. And for some reason whenever I am sexual with someone, it always turns out different than I thought it would.
In my head it's perfect and then when It actually comes time to doing it, I feel like I'm doing it completely wrong and It's not sexy at all.
Does anyone else feel like this? Maybe I'm doing it right (whether it's something small from sucking/kissing his neck to giving a bj) but for some reason I don't feel like I ever do anything correctly. I don't feel sexy and get hot and heavy even when I'm top of a guy half naked and start kissing him all over. Maybe I think about it too much when I'm in the act, I don't know!
Any advice to get through this?
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Another woman overthinking.
Me lady, you are doing fine. You have some screwed up imaginary ideal in your head that nobody can match. Please try to relax and simplify your thinking so you don't end up an emotional pretzel.
So what you have to do is enjoy being you. You're a good person, right? You're trying your best to make a relationship work, both in and out of the bedroom, right? That is all anyone can ask. Plus your boyfriend is enjoying seeing you naked a WHOLE LOT.
Yes, there will be clumsy moments in bed. How do you think I felt the time I farted while I was having sex with my girlfriend? Or when we were rolling around on the bed and I just about pushed her completely off of it? Or when I got a cramp in a calf muscle while I was on top of her pumping away. It happens. We're human and imperfect.
Sex isn't a rite, it is a party with your clothes off. See it in that way and just go for it.
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Sorry, I'm on my phone and can't scroll down, but what I meant to say further down was because you're inexperienced you FEEL like you're not doing it right, NOT that you aren't doing it right. Apologies!
I think it's just over-thinking and a lack of confidence.
Every girl (at least that I've ever met) has concocted this incredible, perfect image of a romantic, passionate moment with a man, only to have it fail miserably (even me!). No moment or experience is ever going to be as perfect as you imagine it, but don't let that get you down! An amazing moment isn't a perfect moment, actually I think it's an imperfect moment. Where you don't plan things or idealise them, they just happen.
If you keep imagining the perfect time of course you're going to be let down. I know I imagine perfect experiences or moments all the time and it upsets me when they don't turn out like I planned, and I know how hard it is to just relax and let things happen. What I'm trying to say is that what you feel is normal. Everyone wants perfection, and everybody tries to imagine the ultimate moment of passion and how exactly it would be played out.
My advice is just to try and not imagine it. Passionate moments should just happen, as a spur of the moment (...with protection). I think that the reason you don't feel sexy or get hot is because you've been imagining it and building yourself up for the moment, instead of just waiting until a time when you're turned on and want to do things.
The second part of my advice is to gain some confidence and build your self-esteem. You're gorgeous and sexy! Tell it to yourself every day. A guy wants to be near you and sexual with you because he finds you super attractive. If you're feeling unsexy, do some things to make you feel better, like; getting a new hairdo/cut, makeover, new clothes, and DEFINITELY new sexy lingerie (because new lingerie always makes women feel good!)
Maybe just take things slow, too. As slow as you feel you need them to be. And if you're not feeling the vibe, then don't do it. It doesn't matter if you're on top of a guy half naked, if you don't feel turned on, then get off him and put your clothes back on. Doing sexual things when you don't want to do them won't help you.
You've said that you're not the most experienced girl, and I think that maybe because of that you're just not doing anything right. The best part about being inexperienced is that you get to learn. If it doesn't feel right, try something else. If you don't feel sexy or turned on, don't make yourself do sexual things. You should do sexual things with another person when you trust them and when it just feels right.
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