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my depressed mother is slowly but surely ruining my life
So I'm 20 years old and I live at home with my older sister(21) and my mom(57). We are poor and my sister and I mostly support the family. My mom is a waitress and she works 4 days a week.my sister and I work more than my mom does and she expects us to give her 200 dollars every two weeks to pay bills. She barely contributes any money. She buys groceries and that's about it. She is depressed and I want to help her but she won't even help herself. She won't find another job or even try to get a better one. I really want to move out but if I do, my mom is probably gogoing to lose her house. If I don't give her money she makes me feel like a horrible person and I can't take it anymore. I don't want to leave her because I love her so much but I just can't deal with this anymore. I am starting to become depressed and my life isn't getting any better. Should I stay or should I go?
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I want to give you advice from my experience with my mum, but I would really recommend speaking to either a councillor or a psychiatrist about your mother, even if it's just in one session, to get better advice on what to do.
My mum is really depressed and it doesn't matter what me or my siblings to do help. She also seems to have no idea how much her being this way hurts us. She's been unemployed for a long time and refuses to get a job. She's wasted time doing courses and even building up her own personal business, but as soon as she gets work she whines about how much she loathes it. She's been offered amazing jobs that fit perfectly with my younger brothers school schedule, but she still rejects them.
Honestly, you can't help people like that. It hurts so much to see someone you love so depressed, and it's so hard trying to help them when they just seem to have given up on trying. The only thing that keeps me sane is being able to be away most of the week at college or work, and every second week I move to my Dads house for a release.
The best thing for you is to make yourself happy. You are such a wonderful and selfless person for supporting your mum and trying to help her, but it's not your duty! You shouldn't have to sacrifice your happiness.
I know it's horrible to leave her, but I know that even if us kids weren't here, my mum would still find a way to keep the house. If she really had to, she would work. I think this is the same for your mum. If she really had to work more or find a different job to live, she would.
You and your sister are amazing, wonderful people. The issues your mother has are really intense and she needs to talk to a professional about them. This is something she has to do on her own, because she will never let anyone else help her.
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I'm sure you are familiar with the expression; "You can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink." This is what it is like living with someone who will not admit they are depressed or that their depression is hurting them or the ones around them. I speak form experience as one who has suffered from depression.
You mother has no reason to admit she is depressed for you and your sister are in away enabling her. Until she is ready to admit she is depressed she has no reason to seek treatment for her depression. Most people with illnesses such as depression, alcoholism and drug use have to hit rock bottom before the will admit they are ill. You and your sister are, by your supporting her, are keeping her from hitting rock bottom. At least in my view from what you have written.
Their are support groups you and your sister can attend for family members of people who are depressed. Use a search engine to find them.
Only you can decide whether to stay or go. The questions you need to ask yourself are:
Is it in moms best interest that I stay and continue to enable her depression?
What is in my best interest?
If I leave will I be able to be their for her and help her when she hits bottom?
Last but definitely not least; Do I deserve a life of my own?
Once you answer these questions you will know whether or not you should move out.
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