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I am a horrible person
according to my mother. She may disagree, saying I put words in her mouth but this is how I perceive it. I am 20 years old (female) and am only living with her (my parents are divorced) because I cannot afford to move out and am still in university. I feel as though she holds a lot of things against me, like the things she does for me (cooking, a roof over my head). She says I'm selfish, self centred, I only think of myself. I'm not really sure if this is even worth putting up as a question to be honest. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with being told how horrible I am. Yes, I get into fights with my mother, I'm 20 years old. I don't wish to be living at home but I'm a full time student and working part time doesn't pay all the bills. It's my fault. On top of this I put a lot of pressure on myself and don't view myself highly to begin with. We saw a therapist for 2 sessions and I told her tonight I wanted to go back and she said she didn't want to see a woman who tells her I should be able to do whatever I want. I'll admit, I don't treat my mom with as much respect as I should. I'm supposed to just respect someone despite the fact that they are always upset with something I've done (like letting a bowl soak in the sink). I don't clean up to her standards, I do nothing to her standards and she often says "I'd love to see what your place will look like" - how can you say that's just a statement? It's clearly meant to imply she thinks I will live in filth and squalor, although I keep my room very neat. I just feel as though this is once again all about me, because I'm selfish, right? I honestly don't know how much to even write because according to my mother I've "got it good" and I don't realize how lucky I am. Maybe I do. Maybe I'm just a horrible, spoiled person.
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Hey hun, I'm 19 and my parents tell me that all the time. They do wonder how I'm gonna live, and how I'm gonna survive and how far my attitude will take me in life and whatnot. My parent's don't really believe in therapy so that's out of the question. If you think there's a problem with your mother cooking for you, then why don't you try to cook for yourself sometimes? My mother yells at me to make food for myself sometimes when I don't want to eat what she cooks or when I'm hunry at an inconvienient time for her to make it for me. I am always told really negative things as well, but I put it all behind me because one day, in the future, I don't have to hear it anymore. But, little as you might think, these things really push you and give you some motivation to be better in your future without realizing them. One day you're going to be cleaning your house to your best and you'd be thinking "if only my mother could see me now." While you might think you're doing things to spite her, in reality, you're doing exactly what she wanted you to do all along. When I'm 20, I wouldn't be paying the bills either, I mean, I'm still a kid, I'm not an adult and I go to school, to be educated, like any student in elementary, middle or high school. And EVERY mother would get upset if you don't do dishes when they want you to do it. Trust me, I've been yelled at so many times when I leave it there overnight because I was apparently too "lazy" to wash it when I was done. Trust me, these things, little by little help you in the future. Just try to do your best to please her without making yourself unhappy. You're not spoiled, you are just soft-hearted. :)
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Wow. This is one of those one sided questions that you really want to hear the other side too. The therapist said, I'm paraphrasing here, you need to lead your own life. This is true at 20 years of age you should not be totally tied to your moms aprons strings.
You did not say what mom expects or wants of you so it is hard to delve in to what if anything you need to do. Bill paying is not your responsibility unless they are bills you created without her knowledge and permission. Then yes you should help pay them off, that is the responsible and adult thing to do. Monthly revolving bills such as rent, gas and electric and other bills, no.
Why your mom feels you are selfish, self centered, & only think of yourself; you did not elaborate on. Respect is something that is usually earned. As your mother there is a certain amount of respect that goes with the title and you need to give her the respect that she is do as your mother. Leaving a dish in the sink to soak, sure maybe the dish needed to soak, I don't know. How hard would it have been put it in the dish washer, if you have one, or wash it and put it away that way you eliminated giving mom something to blast you on.
I don't think you are a horrible person. I think you are a twenty something trying to deal with getting through school, living with a divorced parent and preparing for life on your own. That in and of itself probably is quite stressful.
Even though mom does not want to continue with therapy I would suggest you continue if for no other reason than to have an outlet for your stress and to have someone who can help you deal with your mother until you are able to move out and start life on your own.
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