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self confidence
I have really low self confidence.. I need some help or advice on how to be confident in myself. There are times when I look in the mirror and think i'm really pretty, but then I go out and see other gorgeous girls and then I think i'm nothing compared to them. I know its bad to compare yourself to other people because there will always be someone better than you.. but I can't help it. It really gets to me. It affects me so much that sometimes I think my boyfriend will dump me for a prettier girl, even though he says i'm the most beautiful girl ever.
Its not just the looks though. I have low self confidence talking to people. My friends can go up to a stranger and start a conversation so easily.. but whenever I try, it seems so hard and I just never get that confidence.
I'll be starting college in a few days and I'd really like to boost my confidence by then. Any help??
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I know exactly what you mean. When I was in High School, after year 9 I became really self conscious. This made me start to hate the way I looked, I compared myself constantly to girls around me, and I became really quiet and shy.
What changed for me was the end of High School. High School is a completely different place to the rest of the world. When you're in it, it's like being in a condensed society, where pressures and ideals on perfection and body image surround you completely. When you start college, you'll realise that the real world doesn't care so much about looks. In High School, everyone wants to be perfect, but in the real world everyone understands there's no such thing as one kind of perfect. Everyone has flaws, and everyone also has their amazing points and best features.
When I finished High School, I just felt a weight lift from me. I felt more comfortable being myself and not worrying so much about what other people think.
Don't be worried about college. When I started University, I was still self conscious and shy, but you're forced to be around different people all the time, constantly socialising, and that makes you a more confident person.
You see, confidence isn't something you're born with, it's something you learn. You become a confident person by making yourself talk to people. I used to get so nervous my stomach would turn and I'd get shaky when I'd have to talk in front of the class or to other people! But, I pushed myself and said to myself, "what's the worst that could happen? I could embarrass myself, and that's it. Everyone would forget about it by tomorrow anyway."
I'm a lot more confident now with other people and in the way I look now because I made myself talk to people and socialise. Even my friends comment now on how confident I am! When I walk into a store and buy a shirt, I ask the girl behind the counter how her day has been and make small talk. Doing little things like this will help you boost your confidence.
The only regret you can have in not doing something is the regret of not trying. If you don't try, you'll never know. If you never apply for that job because you're too shy, the only person missing out is you.
You're a stunning girl! Your boyfriend doesn't say you're the most beautiful girl ever for no reason, he says it because he looks at you and knows you are beautiful, inside and out.
I think something that helped me feel better about myself was taking better care of myself as well. I didn't have negative thoughts, I replaced them with positive ones. If I ever felt ugly, I stopped thinking that and told myself I was beautiful and no one is perfect. By being a happy, friendly and polite person, even to people that are mean or rude to me makes me feel good about myself too. Don't be afraid to smile, I do it every day! Sometimes I'll be walking down the street and see something that makes me smile, and I'm proud to walk down the street with a smile on my face. I also exercise regularly and eat good food so I feel full of more energy and feel good about my body. I'm not the perfect size and I have had to lose weight, but as long as I'm exercising and eating well I deserve to feel confident and beautiful.
Doing these little things like being more positive and just forcing yourself to talk more to other people, even smiling for no reason helps you become more confident. Confidence will come to you over time, you just have to keep pushing past your comfort zones and boundaries when talking to people.
Just a final note, there are a lot of times even now where I don't feel attractive. Sometimes I'll go out and people will take photos, and I'll hate those photos because of how I look. But I look back on them, some are from a few months ago and some a few years ago, and I realise that I actually look really nice and pretty in them. The way you see yourself isn't the way you really look, it's just an allusion. You're so much more beautiful than you think you are, and if you keep trying to be a happier, more positive and more confident person, one day you'll see how beautiful you really look.
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This is going to sound really odd. But self confidence/good self esteem takes a while to build. And strangely, the best method while you're trying to develop your self esteem, is effectively "fake it till you make it". If you act confident, you will get a positive reaction from people, you'll get more friends, you'll get more attention, which in turn will help your self esteem and self image. It really is a positive circle of events. I hear what you're saying, its difficult to start conversations or be confident, but make yourself, fake it. Eventually, you'll realize you are no longer faking confidence - you're just a confident person.
Good luck! ^-^
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