|
humorist-workshop
Keeping my best friend, or not?
Okay so, my best friend and I have been close ever since 5th grade. We're now in our sophomore year in college so that would be about 9 years of friendship.
A while back in 10th grade, she decided to hook up with one of my ex boyfriends. I admit that it bothered me for a bit but he and I weren't that serious so i decided to let it slide. And the three of us became really close.
Now, about a few months ago I started talking to this guy who she HATED and was all wrong for me because he was currently in a relationship. He ended up leaving his girlfriend. And recently I found out that my best friend was hooking up with him while he and I were still talking.
We've been in a lot of fights since this, the thing is that we are pretty much all that each other has so its really difficult to let go...I'm guessing.
We both stopped talking to this guy and continued our friendship. But about a week ago she started hanging out with him again, she was being honest at first but now she's lying about hanging out with him again.
I really don't know what to do, there obviously isn't any trust between us when all she does is lie. Should I just completely cut this person from my life? Or not? Help.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You can be best friends with someone, and in a day you can have the worst fight that tears you apart. A few months ago, one of my best friends had been acting pretty rude to me and had done a lot of things that upset me. One night, we had a massive argument that lasted for about 3 hours. We stopped talking for 4 months or so and I thought we'd never be friends again.
I was in my second year of college, I had about only three friends (one who was the girl i had that massive argument, another who I only saw at college and the third one who I barely saw at all). I was so upset at not having this girl in my life, and on top of that I felt incredibly lonely.
Only a week ago did she speak to me and we've started being friends again. In those months, I realised how silly it is to end a friendship over things that really aren't that bad.
The thing is, it happens. Even when you're best friends with someone, there will be a time when you two don't get along. Sometimes it's because they do something that is so wrong, but you know what? I don't think it's worth losing a friendship over.
There is a bit of an 'unwritten rule' about getting with your best friends ex. This rule means you have to ask your friend if you can hit on them, get with them, date them, whatever. But it's an unwritten rule for a reason. This thing in 10th grade happened years ago, and I don't understand why you would still be thinking about it. It's really not that big of a deal, I mean you guys were high school kids. If it bothered you, you should have said then or even say now "that really upsets me, it would be nice if you could ask me about hanging out or hooking up with my ex's before you do it, just out of courtesy."
The new situation is different, though. It's not cool for her to be hooking up with a guy you're interested in and that you're still talking to. And it's definitely not cool that she's hanging out with him secretly.
My advice is to NOT give her the ultimatum, i.e, "it's me or him". This never works. You need to talk to her about it. Explain why you're upset, and maybe she has things she's upset about to.
Maybe she did hate him because she didn't think it was right for someone in a relationship to be with another person. And maybe when she got to know him a little, she realised she really liked him and wanted to be with him. It might not be that she wants to hurt you or upset you, but that she really likes this guy and went about everything the wrong way.
People make mistakes, and I don't think there's much that is worth losing a friendship over. Cutting a person out of your life is awful, especially someone you're so close with. It's not something you get over easily and it always hurts. Best friends are more than friends, they're family. And you don't cut family out of your life over boys and arguments.
I honestly understand that what she did and is doing is horrible and really hurts, but I don't want someone else to give up their best friend like I did. Please talk to her.
]
More Questions: |