about

Hey kids! My name is Amanda, but call me Manders. I'm a psychology/neuroscience/biology student. Throw me questions and I'll throw you an answer. :)

advice

so yeah there is this really cool blonde girl at my school that i sometimes hang out with. but i really want to get to being good friends with her. what shall i do?

I think that you should ask her to hang out with you. Some people want to be friends with other people, but are too shy to ask them to hang out. It's nothing against you; Some people are just shy, that's all. But when you take time to do that, it lets a person know that you really care to get to know them. If you're not shy about it, she probably won't be, either.
I mean, why not? You never know if she wants to be a good friend of yours, too. =]

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave another one in my inbox!
-Manders

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I was wondering if you(or one of your friends) could help me pick out a guitar. my main influences are Clapton, Hendrix, and John Frusciante from RHCP. Any advice?

Well, this guy I know knows a lot about guitars, and you two happen to share influences (oh, the irony!), so I enlisted his help. He said that they all played Fender Stratocasters, so that your best bet would be to find one of those in your price range and buy it.
If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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Well I love being around my friend, I love talking to my friend, and i find my friend attractive. So, therefore, I like her? It's the whole like her thing that I'm confused about. I really just don't know.

You usually know when you like somebody. There's a big difference between liking someone as a friend or more.

Judging by what you said, you could very much like her as more than a friend, but then again, that's for you to decide. I'm not you; I don't know how you feel.

Compare the feelings you have for her to the feelings you have for your other female friends. Are they different? How? It might open up your eyes a little bit and show you how you really feel about her.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox, because you know, I don't talk to you on a regular basis or anything...
-Manders

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im not sure this guy likes me or not. how can i tell if he does? i really dont want to be too blunt.

Sorry that it took me a few days to answer; I was on a vacation.

Anyway, it really depends on the guy. Some guys get really bold and talkative when they like a girl, while others get shy and timid.

But here are some pretty good signs that a guy is interested:
-He stares at you, and when you catch him, he looks away quickly.
-He asks your friends about you, or talks about you a lot.
-He always calls you or makes excuses to see you.
-He suddenly shows interest in your favorite things and hobbies.
-He talks to you a lot, but always listens to what you have to say.

Like I said, every guy is different. Some guys can be flirty with everyone, and some guys are harder to read than others.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave another one in my inbox!
-Manders

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15/f (16 this year)

So normally, I'm just a happy, straight-A, popular highschool student. I have lots of friends but some enemies because I don't back down when people talk behind my back or start fights with me.

There are 10+ grade eleven girls who all year have been calling me a slut/whore/tramp. Today afterschool I was walking with my best friend into town. 3 of the girls started yelling at me and saying mean stuff. So I said some stuff and kept walking, I just wanted them to not pick on me (thinking I'm weak). They ran up behind us and I said "I don't want trouble with you just leave me alone" and we had a bit of a staring contest and I kept walking. Next thing I knew I had a sick-to-my-stomach feeling and I had been punched in the back of the head.

They ran away, but as I walked through town a bunch of other older girls (friends with them) ran out of a store and yelled "whore!" once I had passed.

I don't want to be afraid of leaving my house. I have a great life.. a good family, friends, grades, looks, athletism, etc. They could easily screw that up. Anyone who has told teachers about them has been beaten up. They aren't afraid to use weapons, either.

What do I do..?

Thanks, help is greatly appreciated.

First of all, understand that all of this is fueled by jealousy and insecurity. These girls feel that they need to inflict pain and fear in others to feel good about themselves. But remember, they're feeding off of your reactions. They want to see you get mad.

It all depends on the severity of the situation. If they're physically threatening you, go to the police. They can actually do something about it, especially if drugs and violence are involved.

However, if they're only calling you names, that's a whole different story. The best thing you can do is to not fuel the fire. To do that, just ignore them. Don't look at them and don't say a word to them. They should eventually stop.

You know yourself better than anyone else does, and you know that you aren't a slut, a whore, or a tramp. Why let these girls get to you when their judgement is less than accurate?

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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people say that if you have a plant in your room it's healthy or something... is this true?

Well, since plants go through photosynthesis, yes, it's true. You inhale oxygen, and you exhale carbon dioxide. The plant can (through photosynthesis) "convert" the carbon dioxide you exhaled to oxygen, making the air quality better for you.

Just make sure to keep it in the sun and water it regularly. =]

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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so, there is a guy in my class, and his name is Michael. i REALLY like him! he ism cute and REALLY funny and he is the nicest guy in the class. but i am sad because i know that he will probably neveer like me. i know this because i can tell he likes talisha (my friend). he alsways talks to her and hardly ever me. i dnt care that he talks to her, i just wish he would talk ot me sometimes. i talk to him alot and he talks to me bak but he wouldnt start a conversation. i only met him last here and he knows talisha from ages ago.
PLEAE ANSWER MY QUESTION:
how can i get him to like me more?

If he won't start a conversation, why don't you? If you want to get what you want in life, sometimes you have to do it yourself.
Also, don't assume that he'll never like you, because you don't know him well enough yet! Focus on becoming friends with him before anything else. It really helps to get to know someone better before going into dating.

Go for open-ended questions. For instance, instead of asking, "Did you do anything this weekend?" ask "What did you do this weekend?" and take it from there.

You could also ask your friend to help you. Try to get into conversations with the both of them. See if your friend will talk about you to him.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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16/f - i'm just wondering but why do guys like girls' boobs so much? whats so great about them lol? why are they fun to touch play with and why do they make guys horny? would guys choose a girl with nice boobs and an ok face, or a girl with small boobs and a really pretty face?

Simple: They don't have them. It kind of goes with the saying "we all want what we can't have."
In a sense, the curiousity turns them on. Well, that's my guess.
It's no big deal to us, but guys seem to like them.

As for the last question, it all depends on the guy and what he's attracted to.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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So, I asked the last question....
No ones ever suggested being bipolar... But over the last couple of years, i've been thinking I might be.
And recently, my older brother started going to therapy and they told him that he might be borderline bipolar/schizo.... and we kind of share the same personalities i guess, Like everytime he talks about something he believes or the way he views life, It always makes perfect sense to me, while everyone else is confused and telling us that we're crazy...
But because of my own personality, i havn't grown open enough or confortable enough to talk about how i'm feeling with my brother or my mother... and i've tried, but it's so hard for me.
I find it easier to talk to new people that don't know me... But I think I tend to scare them away or something, because so many people leave me behind. I guess life just scares me sometimes, and like I said before, other times I feel like i'm on top of the world.
On top of all this I have a huge phobia of the whole "medical" feild... Like I can't even go to a hospital without passing out (panic attack) by just thinking about it... I use to be able to go to the dentist, like no big deal.. But as I got older, the fear got worse, and it extended to the dentist, and now therapist too.. (I havn't been to one since I was like 16) And because of this, I'm too scared to go out there and get help again.

I'm sorry this is so long, but you responded to my last question like you understood and no one has ever done that... I guess maybe I just need someone to talk to sometimes.

Thanks

I'm extremely surprised that no one has ever suggested that you are bipolar. I'd try going to a different therapist (You can go to www.psychologytoday.com to find one in your area). I have no degree of any kind, and the first thought that came to my mind when I read your first question was that you definitely showed some signs of being bipolar. That makes me really doubt how great your therapists were. Did they even have a PhD. in psychology? If they did, I'd be surprised.

But what do you think that your fear of therapists/doctors has come from? From my standpoint, I think that you may be extremely afraid of being let down again. You could be so convinced that no one, even doctors, will understand, that you've built a wall to shut yourself off from them (even the kinds of doctors who really have nothing to do with therapy, such as dentists).

Just remember that doctors and hospitals are there to help you and to make you become better. They're not meant to scare, intimidate, or push you away. Really, without doctors of any kind, where would we be? People would be dying left and right of diseases that would have had no cure if it weren't for the doctors (or, to be specific, scientists) who studied and invented them.

The fact that your brother possibly is borderline, bipolar, or schizophrenic can definitely increase the possibilty that you are, too, especially since you said that your personalities were similar and that you're family.

If I were you, I'd talk to your brother about it. I know it may be hard, but remember that family offers unconditional love and that even if you were bipolar (or anything else), they wouldn't judge or hurt you for it. Plus, your brother would be the number one person to understand you, so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave another one in my inbox!
-Manders

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I'm confused. And this whole world confuses me. Nothing makes sense to me, Everything seems so ridiculous... I don't even know why I feel this way about things, Life & people... I love so much, but sometimes I hate everything. Sometimes I feel like destroying everything in my sight. Sometimes I feel like crying my eyes out and I loose all confidence in myself, While other days I feel like the happiest person in the world, Like nothing can bring me down.
I have thoughts in my head which I can't control, as if i'm having a constant fight with myself.
Everyone just thinks i'm crazy. And I think I am going crazy. But I've always been like this.

What's wrong with me?

You are definitely not alone. I can honestly say that I feel like this often. I know it's frustrating and difficult, but I'm not sure if there's some magical medicine or therapy to get rid of it. You could be bipolar, but I'm sure that a therapist has already suggested that. Since you said that they usually label you wrong, you might not be bipolar.

Personally, my confusion with the world stems from my thoughts. You know, I think too much. Overthinking can twist and distort the truth, which causes confusion, even though you think that a "thinker" really understands everything. It might sound crazy to someone who hasn't experienced it, but I have, so I know it can happen. It's almost like reverse psychology.

On the other hand, you could be very curious about the world, but you don't act on it. You could investigate to clear up any confusion that may be present. Ask questions, observe your surroundings, and look at the little things.

As for the different emotions, (feeling love, and then distruction, etc.) you could just be easily influenced. For instance, if your friend is having a bad day, you could too, and vice versa.
So many things factor into having a "good day" and a "bad day," and it would take forever for me to type them all out. There's not really a good way for me to explain why you have sudden highs and lows, because I don't know enough about you.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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ok me and my boyfriend are getting married when were 19 but were doing it secretly so my parents don't know. Is this a bad thing to do even if my parents do not accept him. I knooow you might say im too youn but weve been dateing for over 2 years and it's the only way i can be happy because at home with my parents im miserable but when im with him im happy i feel no weight on my shoulders. We've only been on 5 dates sice we have been going out and i only see him at school and thats it. myparents keep me isolated from him. Someone please help i don't know what to do. I love him and want to marry him but then again i feel like imm back stabbing my parents.

Marriage is one of the most important aspects of your life, and you should share it with your family. Keeping it a secret will only put a strain on your relatonship with your boyfriend, your parents, and the one between your boyfriend and your parents.
Plus, when you're 19, you have so much more life to live. I know you love him and that you want to move out of your parents' house, but you can love him without marriage and you can move out without marriage.

Why do your parents seem to dislike him? I know that one of the biggest mistakes a boyfriend can make is not trying to communicate with their girlfriends' (it can go either way, though) parents. Are you sure that he makes an effort to talk to them? If he doesn't, your parents may not like him because they don't know enough about him.

Talk to your parents. Lack of communication could be the problem here. Let them know that you really care about this guy, and ask them why they don't like him. Tell them that you love them, and that you want them to accept your boyfriend. Also, tell them that it would mean a lot to you if they could get along, since you care about your boyfriend and your parents so much.
Be calm, mature, and polite. Don't throw accusations at them; That'll only make them tune you out and less likely to take you seriously.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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hey okay i have 2 questions!

my first one is about this guy i no.. & i guess i kinda like him. he has a girlfriend tho. whenever we're together he always flirts w/ me & talks like about how his girlfriend never wants to do anything with him and its getting him reealyy pissed off..they've been going out for like a looonng time.. like mayb 2 + a half yrs.. so yeah idk if he likes me or nottt.

anddd my 2nd questoin isss about my ' best friend ' we used to do everything together. and ive known her for lik 9 yrs. now shes like making all these new friends and like.. not really putting any effort into being my friend. like i cant even explain how close we used to be. now shes hanging out with her other friend like seriously EVERY SINGLE DAY that shes known for awhile [but not as long as ive known herr..] and i used to be friends with her friend.. but not anymore cause we honestly dont get along at all. soo,i gess im pretty jealous.. &im like really confused cause i dont wanna drift apart.. like i love her to deathhh shes always been there.. soo yeahh i dont know what to doo. i really dont wanna lose my best friend..

thankss

Well, about the guy: He could like you, but he also could simply be feeling confined in his current relationship; Like he's trapped. Don't try to be cunning and break them up, because that's messy and you could lose him as a friend. For now, be there for him. If you feel confident enough, you could tell him how you feel. Don't get your hopes up too high because he's taken right now, and you don't know if he'll break-up with her.

About your friend: I think you have to make an effort to hang out with her. Invite her somewhere once in a while. Talk to her. Don't get annoying or clingy, but somehow remind her that you're there.
I also think that you definitely need to talk to her about it. While you two are alone, tell her that you really care about your friendship and don't want to grow apart. Let her know that you really care about her and still want to be a part of her life, instead of being written out of it completely.
Remember to be nice and not to yell. Yelling or becoming openly angry will only make her defensive and she's less likely to listen to what you have to say.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave another one in my inbox!
-Manders

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Ok so I'm 15 years old and I have a boyfriend and I love him so much...we'll I think. Sometimes he calls me dummy and stupid and then says that he really likes me. But its like he can't talk to me about personal stuff. I know he loves me but I want him to show it more how?. I love him so much but its hard sometimes to talk to him and show him my feelings. Sometimes I can't even say I love you?. Why and I do know I mean it. Also how do I get him to stop calling me stupid I know he loves me though. Oh and how to I get him to tell me his personal stuff and to let me in?.
Thanks lotsss!

Guys are very, very different from girls emotionally. Many girls can talk about how they feel much easier than guys can. To put it plainly, it's mostly because of the whole "macho" complex that our society is expecting of younger males.

What I'm trying to say is that you're not the problem. He could just have problems expressing himself and getting his point across. Don't blame yourself for it.

I've learned one important thing about guys over the years, and that is that they aren't good with subtle hints. If you want to get your point across, you have to be straightforward.

You could talk to him about it. Don't get angry with him or pressure him, because that will more than likely just make him defensive. He might not even know that he's being less-than-affectionate with you, so politely bring it to his attention.

As for calling you stupid and dummy... you should talk to him about that, too. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially if it gets to the point where it really hurts your feelings.

I would talk to him when you two are alone, and he is free of stress or other negative emotions. Be calm and cool, and try not to yell. It may be hard, but the longer you wait, the worse the strain in your relationship will get.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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Okay, call me a loser but I like to read
I am a 14/f.
And I am supposed to be going to Books-A-Million today or tomorrow
Does anyone know and good mystery or scary books ?
please if yuo can, name more than one :]

-Thank you.

There's a series called "Sweep" by Cate Tiernan that's pretty good. It's not too scary, but I still recommend it.

Another good one is part of a series, too. The first book is called "Blue is for Nightmares" and the series is by Laurie Faria Stolarz. It was definitely scary for me, but I get scared easily, so I don't know if it will be the same for you. =]

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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heres the deal , I'm overweight! I really really need help: I want to lose 20-40 pounds in 4 monthes but theres problems. I never feel like excercizing or running or anything! I always want to eat and I think of going on a crash diet and I know its wrong and I will never make it but I really want to get skinny. I'm going to visit my family and I want to be skinnier. Everyone always make fun of me and when they see me with my friends ,I seem 10x fatter than them! I need help fast!! + if you know , what pills do you reccommend? I'm only like 13 and I'm going to turn 14 in about 5 monthes and I don't want anything to harm me but I need to lose weight!

Number one: Diet pills, especially at your age, can and will hurt you in more ways than one. Most, if not all, of them aren't approved by the FDA (Food and Drug Administration), and most don't work. If you're smart, you'll stay away from them.

Number two: Crash diets don't work, either. You stop eating for a while and lose weight, but once you eat normally, that weight will come back, along with more.

Number three: Don't expect a magical solution. No pill or crash diet is going to make you lose weight permanently. Losing weight the right way is a combination of a healthy diet and exercise; It's a lifestyle change. Yes, you still need to eat, and yes, exercise is necessary. Of course, there are many exercises you can do, so don't limit yourself. You can go for walks, use a treadmill, go swimming... the possibilities are endless; There's an exercise for just about anyone.

As for a diet, I'm no expert, but there are a few changes you can do that make a big difference. One of those is moderation. Eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full; It's that easy. Substitutions also are good. For instance, you can have a peanut butter sandwich on whole-wheat bread with a fruit cup and milk instead of a hot dog, french fries, and a soda. Of course, you can still have junk foods, just not all the time.

You could go to a nutritionist to give you a real diet plan, and you could go to a doctor to get some more help.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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14/f

So there's this older guy who I've liked since the very first day of school. I just met him this year. And he keeps looking & poking fun at me and crap, so I'm 90% sure he likes me too. But it's getting really awkward..like one day we'll totally zone out in each other's eyes and then the next day I'll be totally embarassed to face him again because of it.

so now I want to stop liking him, because the awkwardness is driving me crazy and I'm not 100% sure if I'm ready for a bf (I could be ready, but i'm not COMPLETELY assured yet). I do everything to take my mind off him, whether it's pretending i dont know he exists in class or going out with friends to distract me. But everytime I think I'm over him he'll do something super cute and I'll fall head over heels for him again, then soon after another awkward lovey moment comes again and the cycle repeats. It's tiring but exhilerating at the same time. And even though I try to stop liking him, I also have a feeling that I really don't ever want to stop.

so i guess..um, what should i do? i need ANY advice at all, i'm at a loss. thankyou.

You seem to like him a lot, and I think that one of the reasons you're trying to stop liking him because you're afraid of getting hurt. But really, why should you stop liking him when you don't even know how he feels about you yet? If you really, really like this guy, you should take the risk and make a move.

You don't have to say, "I like you!" to let him know that you do. You can still be subtle and friendly. Invite him to a movie or something of that nature. Have lunch with him and a bunch of friends one weekend.

I think that you should become better friends with him first. Maybe then, the awkwardness will go away and you can decide what to do from there.

Always follow your heart, but never neglect your head.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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When i straighten my hair in the morning it will be pin straight, but by the end of school it starts to flip and be all wavy. Is there any mooses or serums that anyone recommends to keep hair straight throughout the day? Thanks a bunch =]

Do you have a good-quality straightener that gets hot enough? If you don't, that could be your problem, especially if you have very curly hair.
If you think that's the case, I recommend Chi straighteners. You can get them online, JC Penney (last time I checked), or you can get a knock-off by GVP at Sally's Beauty Supply. The real ones are pretty expensive, but they last a long time and work very well.

But if you have a good straightener, I recommend Herbal Essences "Dangerously Straight" finishing spray. You can get it anywhere, like Target or Wal*Mart. I spray a little bit (not too much, or it'll make your hair look greasy) on my hair after I straighten it. It works great!

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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lately i've been thinking about killing myself.ive been crying myself to sleep alot lately and last night i even went in my room and locked the door and started looking for scissors to cut myself with.its a good thing that there wernt any in my room,or i would have cut my wrists and killed myself.it just seems like no1 cares about me anymore and like everything bad that happens is my fault. and my brothers and friends are not helping right now, the reason i went in my room last night was because my brother changed the time on the oven,i was cooking a pizza at 400degrees and he changed it to 450 degrees. i've been getting mad like that , over stupid litl things for like a monthh now, and if it doesn;t stop im afraid im gonna get so mad and sad that im actually gonna kill myself,and since im a christian,i know its wrong but i just cannt help it. i really want to become happy again, and stop thinking about killing myself.how can i do it?

I once heard a saying about suicide that described it as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Nothing lasts forever, even the bad times. If you commit suicide, you miss the opportunity to learn from your experiences and perhaps help people who go through the same problem you did in the future. Problems are placed upon us for our own personal growth and to help guide others.

You say that it seems like no one cares about you anymore, which is untrue. I'm sure that your friends and brothers care, and I know that I care. So, are you alone? No. Remember and believe that.

Your life is worth living. If God put you here, you're here for a purpose; a reason. You aren't worthless. You have the power to make a difference and to get through this.

You might need to see a psychologist or psychiatrist, because you just described some of the symptoms of depression. Talk to your parents or guardian about it.

Don't commit suicide, please. You have so many more things in life to experience; Don't end it now.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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who ever said that ex bf/gf's can't be JUST friends??...well theyre right..almost. ugh, i swear my ex says he was cool being friends at first but i kinda wasnt only because i was SO hurt. now later on we became "friends" but lately he's being such a jerk. like all he does is be mean..not like punch you or kick you mean like verbaly mean. it drives me crazy because one day were like nice to eachother the next he gets me really mad because he gets mean. i don't know whats going through his head...what do i do? what is he feeling? what does it mean?

I know a few broken-up couples that are still friends. The relationships didn't end on bad terms, though, so that's probably why they're still friends. I know that this doesn't really apply to your question, but I just wanted you to know that it's possible, but rare, that couples can remain friends after a break-up.

Anyway, why is your ex being mean? I honestly don't know the exact reason, since I don't know anything about your relationship and how it ended. I can give you a possibility or two, though.

He could still be bitter about the break-up. He may have been nice at first, and he could have been hiding his feelings. But, as we all know, hiding your feelings only makes them come back strongly later on, and that's what may have happened with him. He could be expressing all of the pent-up anger now.

He could also be mean because he doesn't know how to act around you anymore. He might be expressing his frustration by being mean. I know that sounds weird, but anything's possible.

What do you do? Well, I don't care if he's your ex or some random person off the street; Anyone who treats you badly in such a way isn't worth your time.

However, if he isn't mean very often, you can explain to him that the things he says hurt your feelings. That should open his eyes a little bit, if he doesn't realize that he's being mean. But if he doesn't change, you need to stop wasting your time on him. A mean person is a mean person, ex-boyfriend or not.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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does anyone know any good books. i like teen love stories. Like not being mean, but one of the kids get sicks and die, like those love stories.. does anyone know any good books like that?.. oh sorry this is in the wrong category, i wasnt sure what to put it under!.. thanks!!!* =]

Two of the best books I've ever read are "A Walk to Remember" and "The Notebook." You might've already read those, and if you have, check out any other book by Nicholas Sparks. His books are more mature and less annoying and superficial than most books. He writes amazing stories, but anyone can read them because he doesn't go crazy with big words and things like that.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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