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I don't judge. I've seen a lot, and the things I haven't, I'm always open to listening to. I want to make a difference. advice
Okay, so my friend mentioned a "forced relationship", what is that? i searched it on urbandictionary & google.. i couldn't really find anything!
Sounds like it could be a few things. Either two people dating (while one or both would rather not), out of guilt, actual parental/other force, etc.
Or, a friendship or even romantic relationship that is either strained, or takes a lot of effort to continue.
XOXO
KAT.
Me and my friend met these two guys 3 months ago. One of them really liked me. He asked me out 3 times after a few weeks. I said no because we hardly knew each other BUT the real reason was because my friend liked his friend and he wasnt asking her out and I felt mean for saying yes because things were going well for me and not for her.
He would ask me to come out and meet him and I wouldn't. Id only meet him when I took my friend and he was bringing his friend along for her. Id also never had anyone like me like that before and I was nervous about being alone with him, incase we ran out of things to talk about or something.
We met up a few times (the four of us) and would stay at one of the guys brothers flats. One night I got drunk and tried going all the way with him but as the alcohol wore off I felt the pain and told him to stop it (im a virgin). It was from here he had gone funny. He still talked normally when I spoke to him but we didnt speak for like a week and I havent seen him since this night (which was about 3 weeks ago). He now doesnt talk to me on MSN first, and I never talk to anyone first. He will be on for hours then just go off.
I really do like him and regret alot of things, but things are fxcked up now and theres no going back. He just isn't interested anymore; However my friend said he asked her if he should ask me out again. He hasnt asked yet???
He has my sunglasses so I’ll have to see him again sometime to get them off him...and he might start liking me again or something if he sees me...then again he might not. WHAT SHOULD I DO!!??
First, it was nice of you to think of your friend in this situation. It was really nice of you to think of her before a guy -- Stay as kind as that, most girls don't have the intentions to do that anymore, haha.
It sounds like he thinks it was awkward to stop, when you guys were hooking up. Have you explained why you said stop, exactly? If not, he might think you don't like him, or he was doing something wrong, or something along those lines. If you DID explain why you said stop, he might just be a little upset with you? I'm not really sure. But like I've said in other questions: Assumptions are NEVER good.
If he's not talking to you, and you're not talking to him, maybe he thinks YOU'RE avoiding him. I know you said you never message anyone first, but you'll miss a lot of conversations that way. He could think you're mad about what happened three weeks ago, so he's waiting for YOU to send a message.
The best thing to really do at this point would be to talk, actually. Be up front with him. Let him know what's bothering you, adn if you don't want to tell him that you like him, just tell him at least why things went down the way they did three weeks ago. What's there to lose if you're already not talking, in a way?
As for the asking him out, talk to him first. From that, he can see if he still likes you. Then, if you don't want to ask him out yourself, get your friend to encourage him to soon. Make sure she's telling you all the details, and getting a lot of details from him. I'm sure she'd be glad to help you out.
Patience is good. (;
XOXO
KAT.
My best friend, let call her "Jade," has been getting sexually harrassed by her stepfather (without her mom knowing). After she told me this, I told her to call the cops and she said "it's not as bad as it seems." When I tried to call the cops, she told me to relax and not call the cops because "it's not as bad as it seems." Then she said if I ever told the cops, her mom, or anyone else, she would never speek to me ever again (I also can't tell her mom because she dosn't speek any English and wouldn't know what I'm saying). What do I do?
Okay, I'll agree with what the others have said. You should definitely call a non-emergency police line and report this. It seems like a difficult thing to do, but you won't regret it. You're doing your friend a HUGE favor, and helping to prevent further sexual harassment, and even rape. It IS that big of a deal, and is as bad as it seems.
Calling the cops would be so much better than letting something happen, and dealing with the consequences later, then regretting not calling or doing anything about it while you could.
If she decides not to speak to you, it's a little irrational. I doubt that'd be the way things work out in the long run, though. She'll probably eventually see how much you helped, and really appreciate it.
Just think about what you would want someone to do for you in this situation. If she can't go forward and do something about this situation, she should rely on a good friend like you to do it. That way no one can blame her, either if there are any legal actions taken out on her step father (which he'd totally deserve).
Go through with calling the authorites. You're a strong friend, and you'll have helped so much, even if you're not thanked for it!
XOXO
KAT.
when someone says that 'they are running on empty' & they aren't talking about the gas in their car, then what are they referring to?
what does that saying mean exactly?
It could mean a few things. That they haven't eaten much that day, haven't had much to eat, are feeling emotionally drained, or are feeling depressed.
You'll usually hear adults saying this when they've had a rough day. :P
XOXO
KAT.
My best friend is a guy, and he is like the best, I really really like him, but I'm not sure if he feels the same way about me =/
All my friends say its really obvious that we like each other but I've had someone ask him out for me but he said no. It didn't ruin our friendship at all, we always hang out, and everyone says we might as well go out cuz we already act like we are. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, how can I tell if he likes me? Or if he does why did he say no?
What some people may think seems 'obvious' may be a misunderstanding to others. Were your freinds saying this before he said no the first time? Perhaps he's just really friendly like that. It's good that you guys didn't let that get in between your freindship, though.
But did you guys talk about why he said no last time? That might help a little. You may not know if it's because you didn't ask him out directly, or because he just wanted to stay freinds for the sake of the friendship or what. It'd be the best thing to do to get things straightened up with him before you try anything else.
If you can't hint around it, flat out ask him: "Why didn't you want to date last time?" If things weren't awkward last time, it should be fine now. And if things DO get awkward, it'll last what, five minutes? Just change the subject afterwards, and it'll all be fine.
Once you know why he said no last time, see if the situation is still the same this time around. Improve on the things that he said seemed to be wrong, I guess, and see where things go from there.
Just try not to go by what your friends say. While they may be very observant and smart, they can't really tell exactly what this guy's thinking. It's really common for guys and girls who are best friends to act like they're dating, so you should verify everything beforehand.
There isn't any for sure way to tell if he likes you. All guys are different, and it varies from guy to guy. Little things like lingering hugs, sitting closer, trusting you with secrets, not talking about other girls to you, seeming upset when you talk about boys would be little signs, but remember, they're not always certain. Talking to him will always be the best route to follow, because you'll hear everything directly. And if you have to, hint around things. It's usually pretty easy. (:
Just try to go with what I'd said earlier, and see where things go after that. I'd recommend for the next time that you ask him out, if that happens, that YOU do it, though. Confidence is something guys are REALLY into.
Good luck, and let me know if you need anything else/how things work out.
XOXO
KAT.
Fourteen Female.
Okay so I hadn't seen Benamin since Friday and he wanted to see me, and my parents were out and still aren't home so I was like come over it'll be fun.
Well we were ust hanging out, like usual. Were friends, that yeh a little bennifits but it's just fun [[and no nothing below the belt.]]
Well Friday night I got Breaking Dawn-- an amazing book and we weren't doing much so I started reading it while sitting in the recliner chair. So he started messing with me and was like "Your such a nerd- only you would read with ME in the room." Which is true, a lot of girls in my school like him.. and like obsess.. =X
so he climbed on me, and tried taking the book away and he had my legs pinned with his knees and I dont know how it happened. He leaned and started kissing my neck.. and stuff. Kind of groping\grinding me. This is the furthest this has ever gone. We do kiss but its just joking. or just to me.. And a lot of people have been telling me to date Ben but he's just a friend but he's amazing and I was hoping to feel something for him but I couldn't.
So I let things get out of hand, letting it happen when all of sudden he jumped off me and ran for the bathroom. To say the least I was scared i did something wrong... hurt him. Or or something.
ten minutes later.. when he came out he was so red. And I didnt know why. He just started apoligising. "Katie, Im so so so sorry. I can't believe that happened. It wont happen again.. I swear." Just rambaling. And I was like What happened? he looked at me like I was on crack and I sorta wish he never told me. He was like. "Katie... I just got.. hard on you."
----MEH!
He left very sortly after that and I've tried talking to him because his friend Ralph called and was like duude.. you need to talk to him I swear he's gunna get a vasectame he's so embarressed.
=X I feel horrible. I could have stopped it before that happened and Ive been trying to talk to him. To explain it's not that big of a deal.. and he wont listen.
Is it normal for boys my age to.. get hard that easy? I don't know what these means. I mean im friends with him, close but. Ahh. I don't want Ralph making fun either... Can you help getting hard? I donno.. how can I make this right?
Are you sure this is just a friends with benefits thing, first of all? I'm just wondering, because if it was, he probably would have um.. Maybe tried to go further if it weren't the case. The fact that he cared what you thought makes it seem like he likes you as a little bit more of a 'play thing'.
If you really don't think it was a big deal, sit him down and be completely blunt: "It wasn't a big deal. It's normal." Really, it is easy for that to happen with guys. It could happen with them just thinking about something, happens randomly, could happen when you're just cuddling/kissing, and of course if he was 'grinding' on you, it'd happen.
It could mean a lot of things. I mean, maybe he was thinking about what it would be like if you guys went further, but the fact that he didn't actually try proves that he's not a complete pig. He just really couldn't help it in that situation. Whether you guys are just friends or not, it's a physical thing that he can't really help.
Just talk to him and let him know that you don't care. Just ask why he got so embarrassed. If it was just that he got a little.. "happy", let him know that's fine. If it's because he has stronger feelings for you, talk to him about that. Let him know not to be embarrassed, because you don't really care. Just talk to him like you normally would in the mean time/afterwards, and act like nothing happened if that needs to be what you have to do.
Don't worry, it'll just be something you guys look back and laugh at. It wasn't your fault, either. So don't worry about that. :P
XOXO
KAT.
Ok so I am suicidal and have been for a while now. I go around reading about other people and everything to gain as much knowledge as possible. I notice that a lot of times people say it's not worth it and dumb. Well try being in our shoes once then tell someone that. It's not so easy as you make it seem. You may actually hurt somone even more by yelling at them. But anywho....
I am going back down hill wanting to die. I am at my wits end with life and dealing with people from this world that are ignorrant and mean to those in need of help. I have gotten help and am on pills yet I still want to die. Why is life worth so much to people? I am so confused at this point and wanting to perish. I just want to be happy without things always going to shit instantly and getting worse everyday. I would love to find somewhere I fit in. If anyone knows where I would fit in besides with the people in the mental Hospital let me know.
First, I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, because I understand the things you're saying. It's horrible, and you're probably feeling like there's no way it's going to get better, and it's not worth it to try, and all that. It feels like no one understands and sometimes like no one cares, but there ARE people who really care. I promise you that much.
I can't promise your life will ever be perfect, but I can tell you that you'll be happy again some day. If you put some effort forward (a little more, if you're already trying), you'll look back on these feelings and be happy that you didn't give up. (Take my word for that).
Are you so upset because of the people who are ignorant/mean to those people? And do you mean people in your situation, or situations such as poverty/etc.? While I'm not sure which way you're coming from, I can offer my opinion on both:
People will never understand what it's like to be suicidal or depressed unless they've been in the situation themselves. They'll be ignorant and see it as weak, when really, if I a person gets over their suicidal thoughts, they're actually very strong. They can't understand, because they've never been pushed into a situation where they'd actually want to die. They've been fortunate, strong, or both. Just remember it takes so much courage to go day to day when you're feeling like this, and it's admirable, whether people realize it or not.
If you mean the people who are ignorant to those in worse situations, there's nothing able to stop those people. Really, it'd be fantastic if there were, but there will ALWAYS be mean, ignorant, fake people out there. The only thing you can do is to try to weigh that out by creating more good than the bad there is in the world.
You've got the medication, and I'm assuming you've got the psychological help, now you just need the will to live. You need to find something that makes you want to be alive -- There's got to be something! Put yourself out there for someone; Let someone rely on you, Do charity, Invest your time in some kind of long-term project or goal. Give yourself a reason to believe in living. Of course you'll question life if you don't see anything worth living. Try, try, try.
Why is life worth so much to people? It's different for everyone. Children, friends, a sense of purpose; You'd need to decide in your case, like I said earlier. No one really knows why we're living, but we should make the best out of teh time we've got, really. You only get one life, and you're here so why not do something with that time? Make a difference. Make your existance worth something. If you don't believe there's a reason people should be living, make your own reason.
If you're confused, try to sort the things out in your life that seem to be issues. If you don't need them, or they're not worth it, get rid of them. Don't put yourself through anguish for the sake of a friend, addiction, or something else that isn't really worth your emotional state.
If you said you WANT to be happy, that's a good start. You've at least got some kind of will to go on. Just remember, as cliche as it is, there's always a silver lining in a way. That, and whatever situation you're in right now, it will improve eventually. It takes time and patience, but it happens, really. You'll never find out though, if you decide to just give up. Give yourself the chance to look back and see that you were wrong in a way to think that dying was the only option.
If you want to fit in, try finding people with similar interests. Maybe join a forum on the internet to start (maybe about a band or hobby you enjoy?). Personally, I'm on the MCRmy, where people actually talk about their problems and offer each other help and everything, and all share the common band they enjoy. There are lots of things like that out there that you could get involved in.
I'd also go with what was said earlier: To do some charity. It helps, and you'll have a common interest with the other people: Helping people out. It seems cheesy, but really, try it out! I can guarentee it'll help and keep you busy/keep your mind off bad things.
Your life is going to get better if you just try. Keep yourself busy, and try not to think so much into everything. I understand that you probably think you think about suicide or problems like 90% of the time -- But try not to. The more you think into things, the more you'll get yourself depressed. Distract yourself, and find an activity, read, help others, anything to get your mind off bad things.
I really hope you find the strength to go on, because the world really can be a good place, and things get better.
XOXO
KAT.
Okay, so I feel really, really stupid. This one guy (let's call him M) told me to call him after I got home from my physical. So, I was able to talk to him first last Saturday, and he told me to call a new number. So today, I decided that I'd try that number instead, because I really wanted to talk to him.
I would call him several other times on the number that he gave me to call, but he would never picked up that one.
He would've asked me for my number, but there was no way for him to obtain paper to help me out.
I know it was him too, because I recognized the phone voice.
Well, he was acting like he didn't even know that I existed when I called him today. My guy friend who was actually there to see him give me his number, said that he thought that M liked me too. And M went up to me, and started hitting on me, not the other way around.
I find this very weird, and I don't even know if I should bother calling him again. This was going to be a friends with benefits type of situation, since he's a marine and will be leaving for basic training soon.
Hm.. Weird. Did 'M' know about this friends with benefits situation, or was that what you were planning? If he knew, that's probably one of the reasons he's not really acting interested. Since he knows you've agreed to friends with benefits, he dosen't feel like he really needs to impress you or anything. Zero commitment, basically. This would seem even more likely if the time you guys talked on Saturday was the day you established friends with benefits--It would explain why he was so nice, etc.
He could be a really nice guy, and you guys could only be doing friends with benefits because of his training, but remember: You've left him with the idea that it's not much of a commitment. He's probably not going to expect much of an attachment, so be prepared for that.
If he dosen't really know about the frieds with benefits situation yet, or you think that wouldn't stop him from being interested otherwise, there could always be something going on with him. Maybe something was wrong that day, or he was busy?
The fact that he seemed interested earlier and isn't now leads me to those two conclusions, but I could be wrong. If you get the chance, talk to him! That's the only way you can really be sure of anything. It's never good to just make assumptions and go on them, so get the answers from HIM. Then make your judgements.
Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you.
XOXO
KAT.
With my guy friend jaymes i really like him like alot , i've liked him the whole school year , and i'm not sure he likes me now but i know he used to . i'm scard to ask him out and he says not and it will then feel akward cause i see him alot helives two house away from mine but i LIKE hime soo much
The fact that Jaymes used to like you kind of works in your favor. That way, you know there at least WERE feelings, which means there COULD be feelings. However, if you turned him down or didn't really awknowledge his feelings before, he could have moved on.
Are there any significant girls in his life that he seems interested in, or are you the only one? Talk to him about these kind of things. Kind of subtley bring up dating things when you're talking. Mess with him about having a crush or someone and try to get him to tell you who it is. Do the same with him, but refuse to tell him for a little bit. This might give him the idea that you like him, and could help make him think about you two being together.
Since you seem like you like him so much, I'm assuming you guys are pretty close? Try talking a little more, and hanging out alone since you guys live near each other. That, or take little walks together or something along those lines.
If he seems to be acting positively toward the hinting and wants to be around you, it's probably pretty likely that he likes you back. In that case, start dropping hints like crazy if you're too shy to do it in a blunt, straightforward way. Talk to him a lot more, and play around with him. If he dosen't ask you out, take the inititive to ask him out eventually.
Just make sure you can be pretty sure once you do. If you're scared of things being awkward, you have to be pretty sure things are going to go your way. If you can't be sure, give it a little time.
Then, if that happens and things still don't work: Don't worry! If you don't MAKE things awkward by acting really upset or getting angry with him, he'll probably think things are fine. Also, don't give up! He may have given up on you at some point, and you changed YOUR mind about him. If you still have feelings, continue to hang out/talk/etc, just make sure you know your limits.
Good luck, let me know how things work out!
XOXO
KAT.
15/f
a guy asked me out and we are making plans to hang out this weekend. were going to watch a movie together at a mall. this is the first time im ever going on a date with a guy and i really need some pointers and tips on what to say, do, act etc. please help! im really nervous!!
and i also asked my bff to come with me (shes bringing her boyfriend) because my parents wont let me go out unless i bring a friend with.
HELP IM FREAKING OUT HERE!!
First, deep breath! Relax, it's all going to be fine! Going to the movies for the first date is one of the most relaxing things you can do. And if you're nervous, it's really one of the best things you can do, too. It gives you a chance to interact/joke, but you're not forced to really hold a deep conversation or anything like that.
Just first, ask if he's the type to talk or anything like that during a movie. You wouldn't want to go on while he's trying to pay attention, or completely stay quiet when he'd rather be talking to you. Just ask him over messanger or before the movie or something. Also, don't be scared to cuddle or hold his hand or something! Be close: Guys notice the little things even if you don't think they do.
If you're eating or something afterwards, make sure you just think about having a good time. Be confident in the things you're doing, and be happy. If you make it like you're enjoying yourself, other people will to. Ask your friend beforehand to make sure she'll help start conversations instead of separating her and her boyfriend from you guys. If you need help, kinda hint at it to her.
Just remember to be yourself. Don't dress differently or act differently because this is a 'date' and not a 'hang out'. This guy asked you on a date because he enjoys being around you, not some nervous girl whose trying to impress him, haha. Basically, act the way you've been acting around him thus far. Just get a little.. closer. (:
It'll all be okay, and you'll have tons of fun! Afterwards you'll just think "Wow, what was I so nervous about?" It's like going into high school: Nervous until you try it out. :D
XOXO
KAT.
I recently found out that my ex-boyfriend is gay. I'm not saying this is a bad thing at all. I could care less what sexual preference people have. I have three lesbian friends and it doesn't bother me. It's just that when I met my ex, he wasn't gay. When I met my lesbian friends, they'd already come out and everything. It's just such a shock to me. It just feels weird. He only just realized that he was gay a few months ago, and he came out last week. (We broke up in March, and he realized this apparently in the beginning of May.)
I'm not prejudiced at all against gay people, it's just a weird feeling that someone I was dating turned out to be gay. There's nothing wrong with that as a person, just the idea is sort of uncomfortable you know?
Him and I are still friends and everything...it wasn't a messy break-up. I don't have a problem being around him even though he's gay, in fact it makes things a little easier. Just the idea is hard to get used to.
-15/f
It dosen't sound like you're uncomfortable with the fact that he's gay really, more that it's a really big change that you probably didn't expect at all. That, or maybe that someone who was with you isn't really interested in girls anymore? (Though I'm sure you're rational enough to know that's nothing you caused.)
First though, you're sure there were no lingering feelings or anything? That that'd be maybe why you're a little uncomfortable? It's just a possibility. That or maybe thinking that the relationship could start up again? If so, realize 'coming out' isn't always a permenant thing. (Sorry, it must have seemed random of that's not the case and you don't have feelings for him).
Over time, you'll end up getting used to everything. It'll take time, that's for sure, but it'll probably be pretty similar to your lesbian friends. You could even become closer because of this. I mean, things could get kind of difficult for him, with bullies and things. Now's the time when his real friends are going to show themselves, and he'll be able to see that you're really there for him.
Going through that, you'll realize how much you care about him, and really begin to accept everything and get used to it. Helping him and talking to him more about everything will help you adjust to everything.
XOXO
KAT.
Okay, so I cheer. I believe it's a sport. What is your take. I do not see why people believe it's not. Like honestly, we throw people in the hair, flip around, etc. And we recieve no credit. I would like to know what people think, and why they think it. Please support your anwser: I will rate based on how well you support yourself.
Okay, so I think I can offer a pretty unbiased answer. I cheered for five years, and just stopped last year because I was gonna try to get a job instead.
Personally, I think cheering should be considered a sport in the competitive sense. However, I understand why people don't believe it's a sport. Most people know cheerleaders as the people at sports games/pep rallys who just kind of chant and maybe do some stunting/gymnastics. To them, it just seems like a form of entertainment. This is all they really know of us. Most people don't go to competitions for fun, which is why they don't know how much cheerleaders REALLY do. How much work it is, or anything. No one really knows how much cheerleaders do in practice, because if you're doing the job right, everything looks pretty effortless when performing.
By technicality, cheering for a sport isn't actually a sport. A 'sport' would be two teams competing for a goal. Technically, cheering for games DOSEN'T count as a sport. However, when you look at UCA/UDA/Competitions in general, it defintiely is! Just because it's not two teams, it's still teams competing for the winning position. If anyone tries to speak against this, think about this: What are tournaments? Many teams competing. It's the same thing with cheering, just much much more diverse.
It's definitely not fair that cheerleaders don't get any credit. I'm friends with mostly guys, but when I cheered, they thought it was just jumping around and yelling. However, things should get better over the next few years. Cheerleading's becoming even more popular, and while people will joke about it, they'll see how well known it's becoming.
The issue people have is probably that cheerleaders are so instantly defensive about their SPORT. They definitely have the right to be, but the people they're defending themselves to dosen't believe it.
Hopefully the stereotype of the 'ditzy' do-nothing cheerleader will be broken, so people can finally see how much cheerleaders really do.
XOXO
KAT.
15/f
ok well iv known my best friend for three years and since i met her i really like her alot and well i think i really like her like as in love that i want to be with her. i dont know wether i like girls or not caz i think im straight but not sure caz of my best friend but i dont know wether to tell her i might love her or not caz i dont want to lose her as a friend
should i tell her i love her and would like to be with her even tho shes not bi? can u help
It's kind of common for girls this age to wonder about their sexuality, and it often happens that they wonder if they could have 'feelings' for their best friend. It's up to you to see if this is just a phase, or if you actually really have strong feelings for your best friend before you decide to do anything. While you might be 100% sure, how credible is that? Think about any past relationships or crushes you may have had, and think about how long they worked out and stuff. It's like with any other crush: Is it real? (To start to make your decision).
If you're not sure as to whether or not you like girls, let time take things somewhere. It might be a little awkward to tell her how you feel if you're not even really completely sure in the first place? If she's not bi, it might come off as a little weird..
Instead of telling her about how you're feeling first, kind of casually ask her how she feels about bisexuality, or lesbians. Just bring it into general conversation at some point. See how she responds, and if it dosen't seem to negative, maybe you can tell her how you feel eventually. If it seems more negative, it may not be the best idea to go professing your love just yet.
I get how you're worried that it might mess your friendship up, it happens to all of us (straight or not), and your situation is even more complicated. Just make sure you're REALLY sure about how you feel. Because you've known her so long, you could be mistaking this for a sisterly/friend kind of love. If you don't think that's the case, ask yourself some questions. Could you see you two holding hands? Kissing? Having a serious relationship? Is she interested in any guys at the moment?
If she seems kinda positive toward the bisexual thing, or seems to be dropping any hints, maybe grab her hand or something one day. Nothing too extremly bold, because that could be really weird for her if she's not interested..
It's really confusing, and I really hope things worked out and I've been able to help at all..
XOXO
KAT.
15/f
Okay, well i met this guy that i didn't know at a party and he told my friend he thought i was cute. So we exchanged numbers through our friends and we texted eachother as friends for about 2 weeks. Then eventually started "talking." We talked for about a week and then he asked me if we could just be friends because he has to get a job and he said he had a lot going on right now. Why would he want to start "talking" to me for just a week and then go back to being friends? Also, do you think he still likes me even though he just wants to be friends right now? I don't really know his situation but he said that he has to get a job and it sounded like he had some stuff going on. I don't really know what this means. I don't know if he likes me or not. Now, we just text eachother as friends but not like the flirty messages we sometimes send. Thanks!
There could be countless reasons he responded the way he did. In my opinion, it kind of sounds like he dosen't want/can't handle a relationship at the moment. Having a job as a teen is pretty stressful, and that on top of 'having a lot going on' makes having a girlfriend pretty stressful. Realize that's a huge commitment, and that it would complicate things quite a bit for him; Don't take it personally.
It's always possible that he still likes you, but just a warning: Getting close over text is sometimes kinda unreliable. Crushes formed over kinda indirect communication are usually kinda fickle, and seem really awesome and then just kind of fade. I wouldn't get too too committed to this if you're not hanging out much in person, who knows what else he could be doing with other girls in person? Not saying that's the certain thing, just a possibility.
It's good to continue texting as friends. If you feel like you like him, continue this for now, and try to hang out in person some time, to see if the chemistry's there. That way, you can be sure he's not too busy to talk, and you can see the real sides of each other. Give it a little time and see how it all works out. :D
In the meantime, feel free to talk to other guys and everything! You're not tied down, so get yourself out there. (:
XOXO
KAT.
Okay, I've been reading a book on the Wiccan religon and have been thinking of converting to it. However, my mom is very Catholic and thinks that Wicca is evil. I don't know how to tell her I want to be wiccan without her getting mad at me. What should I do?
13/f
If you're really serious about this, try to talk to your priest. See what he has to say about all of this. Maybe next time you have confessional or something, or after church? This will show your Mom you're serious, and will help you in seeing what the actual church has to say. Maybe if things go well, your Mom will be more understanding.
If that's not the case, I'd also recommend to make the conversion first. It's very likely that your Mom will flip out, and think you're going through an immoral phase or something like that. Stick to what you believe, though! Be strong, and don't let her compromise who you are. Let her know about the religion, and do your homework. Get lots of research, study up, and explain it all to your Mother. It will prove, once again, that you're very serious about this.
It's going to be difficult, but if you stick to your guns, it'll work out with time.
XOXO
KAT.
okay, so for most of the summer me & this kid have been hanging out a lot w. mutual friends and every time he alwayss flirts with me hardcore, cuddles with me, puts his arm around me and acts like he likes me. he's a flirty person but still..it felt like more because of how much chemistry we had. even our friends say so and think we look soo cute toghether..then last night we hung out and it was totally different. he was nice to everyone BUT me &acted like he hated me! he even flirted with my friend right in fronttt of me..& avoided me like i was a disease or something! :[ i don't understand how it could go from one extreme to the next. except that a lot of people found out i like him..and i think maybe someone told him..now i have no idea what to do..its so awkward but we dont know eachother well enough for me to talk to him about it..thatd just be weird. what do i do? i have to keep hanging out with him because hes still friends with my friends and whatnot. i just hate that its awkward now. i tried to be nice to him, but he acted creeped out and wouldnt even make eye contact with me. im sooo confused at what to do here.
Oh, wow. This is kind of an odd situation. Sounds like it could be one of two things, in my opinion. Either he found out you liked him or had feelings for him/has some other reason to be upset with you, or he's playing some kind of messed up trick on you/playing hard to get.
Have you told anyone about your feelings about this guy? Have they told other people, or him perhaps? If you're not completely sure the answer is no, you might have a pretty awkward situation on your hands. The fact that he flirts with you so much and cuddles and everything, it seems like he's either very easy going, or very into you. If he found out you liked him, it's probably likely that he's the easy going type, and this has made him uncomfortable. He could have just been making it clear that he wasn't intersted last night, so that you'd know to back off or something. That, or you could have done/said something wrong, or he could have decided he didn't like you? Though I'd doubt that. It seems pretty unreasonable.
The other option, that he's playing a trick/hard to get, is less likely, but still possible. If he's playing a joke on you, he should stop bluffing soon. If he's trying to play hard to get, he's a) Taking it over the top and b) Interested, but shouldn't be flirting with your best friend. However, if this were the case, he'd probably at least look at you..
Unfortunately, guys aren't so easily read, so that's all I can really say from what I know. You'll probably have to talk to him, as 'awkward' as that'd be. Just think about this, though: If you guys were close enough to flrit, etc., shouldn't you be close enough to talk about what's going on? It's going to be even more uncomfortable if you DON'T talk to him, because you won't know why he's acting the way he is. If you do talk to him, depending on the results things could get a lot better, or stay the same as they are. What's there to lose? If you can't/don't want to talk on the computer, speak to him the next time you guys are together, or ask a friend to talk to him since you said your friends were mutual. The sooner you get details, the sooner things can work themselves out.
I hope everything works out well for you!
XOXO
KAT.
well i have read the advise of most people of this topic and it may be relavent to some , i got no freinds to talk to the only person i love hates me ,i m 28 and i think id have the smallest funeral next to never being found,going to hell aint proven ,i have had a drug propblym scence i been 11 ,i have failed at about every aspect of life ,seems the more i try to help people the more i get hurt ,i wish i was mean .i have money and it means nothing ,the people who pretend to be close to me are fake i seem to like them less and less ,the girl in my live lately dont like me doing heroin but on the other hand shes always drunk,i guess im afraid to die ,on the other hand its all i want ,i got nothing to look foward to and the past has been a nightmare ,so in that scence the future seems to be more of the same ,i bought a motorcycle in hopes it will kill me .not yet i guess this would seem to be just some other sob story maybe it is i try live with out drugs and its worse just more drug doctors give you and thay dont help thay are phoney too you can only sedate some one so much ,bottom line i got no one to hurt but myself so what is the point ,and please dont say god will save, i beleave he might be dead,i feel my end is coming soon
"Why take your life for a temporary problem"? While these issues seem permenant, they're really not. Life throws things in our paths, and it seems like you've been thrown more than you deserve. However, we get around these things. I know, I understand the hopelesseness you're probably feeling. But it's not worth dying! It seems like the best thing at the moment, but in the future, you'll look back and be glad you DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, like I hope you will.
You're still fairly young, and you've got so much to live for, even if you can't see it right now. You could go on to do great things, believe it or not. You just need to try to take care of yourself, and get your things in order. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to realize how far you've fallen, but you can definitely get back up! We at advicenators can only offer so much. Or words, our offerings of friendship, our care, worries, prayers. But you need to accept these things, and carry on. You need to want to get better, instead of giving up. Please try. There's so much better out there, I promise you.
First, the people you're surrounding yourself with: Are they any good for you? Thus far, it sounds like they've only really hurt you. If you believe your friends are fake, find better ones, or at least someone to talk to for the time being. If the person you love 'hates' you (make sure you're absolutely sure of this hate, and try to work things out of it's worth it), there's something better out there for you in store. If you've tried to help people and they've hurt you in return, I'm not sure they deserve your help. Do things that are good for YOU, and you'll begin to see your life begin to improve. Put yourself in good company (that's including maybe shying away from others who are using harmful substances), even if it seems hard. Of course it'll be difficult to move on and make new friends, but you NEED to do it if you've got any will to survive, and care at all about the people around you who really DO care.
These 'phony' doctors. How are they phony, exactly? I'm assuming they've tried to give you methadone and things of that nature. I'm also assuming kicking your habit proved to be more difficult than you probably expected. However, they're not being phony by trying to help you, nor are they trying to sedate you. They're trying to take your drug addiction away, which will improve your life SO much more than I can explain. Where is this heroin addiction taking you? The most it will do for you is give you a short mellow, and then cause even more problems than it was meant to cover up. Get off of this stuff, PLEASE! Try recommended treatments, and really commit. Whether you think your doctors are fakes or not, if you commit yourself, you could really turn your life around.
If you have to, try a clinical rebahilitation place. It could really help in quite a few ways. It'd take you out of the cruelness you're facting at the moment. You wouldn't have to deal with horrible, fake people. You could really concentrate on breaking your addiction, and it could really be a great opportunity for you to meet new people. You could probably even get some counseling there. It sounds 'phony', and overly optimistic, I know, but if you just try, there could be great results! Just talk to a doctor, and ask if they'd be able to help admit you. I'd really recommend trying something like this. It could help you so much.
You've got the opportunity to live, you just need the will. While it seems like you've got a bad past, there IS a future. You can't expect it to be bad, because chances are, if you lay down and take all the crap thrown at you, you'll end up worse off than you are now. You need to try to take the inititive to try to improve your life. You really can, and as impossible as it seems, you could end up looking back on this as an inspiriational situation. You could go on to help others and do so much for yourself and the world.
There are people here, and out there who really care about what happens to you, even if you don't. It seems hopeless right now, but things improve with a little effort. Go to your family, friends, a stranger and just talk. Let everything out, and search for help. There's gotta be something inside there trying to live, give that a chance!
Email me, or someone here at advicenators if you feel like there's no one else to talk to, and keep going, keep fighting! You can do this.
XOXO
KAT.
Okay, so there's a guy I met this summer (we work together) and I had a really big crush on him. Then he told me that he liked me. I'm not too interested in being in a relationship right now, though. he was okay with that, but he keeps acting all boyfriend-ish. It would be okay, except that I don't really like him anymore. The more we talked, the more I realized he really wasn't my type. I feel terrible because he thinks I still like him and is all hopeful that I'll change my mind about dating sometime in the future. I really, really don't want to hurt him. I know the most reasonable answer is to come right out and tell him I don't like him anymore, but thats such an awful thing to say! I thought it'd be okay after I told him I just wanted to be friends, but it gets really uncomfortable when he tells me how much he likes me and that he thinks I'm beautiful, etc.
help!!!!!!
Really, you're right. The best thing to do would be to be completely honest, and to tell him that you're not really into him. However, you're kinda wrong that it'd be an 'awful thing to say'. It'd probably be one of the best things you can do in this case. It's not really fair to kind of let him believe in this false hope, if you think you absolutely won't change. I understand this problem pretty well, and it kinda works out with time and a little effort.
It's really sweet that he's telling you all this stuff, and investing all this time in you, but you should think about where this will get him: Nowhere. Talk to him, whether it comes up, or is random, one day about how you're feeling. Let him know that you know he really likes you, but you don't think you're right for each other. The longer you wait, the more attracted you'll probably get. Don't let it bother you if he says you're beautiful, or you really like him. He's only hurting himself in a way, so make sure you tell yourself, you HAVE to be strong and tell him how you feel.
Let him know that you're not interested in him in a romantic way. Don't just use the excuse that you don't want to date at the moment, because you saw where that got you, so far. Listen to what he has to say, and make sure you're patient with him. Know that he can't instantly turn a crush off, so if he's a little hurt, or still seems a little persistant, be understanding. It's scary, but you really need to talk to him about this. Just hinting at it could be embarrassing for him, and ineffective, considering "Love is blind".
This conversation could probably go one of two ways: Either he'll get upset and may not want to talk for a little, or he won't give up. You're probably hoping that it's completely simple and he just accepts that you want to be friends, but one of these things will probably happen, even if it's not obvious.
If he gets upset and dosen't want to talk, make sure you're still sweet to him. It's obvious he might be a little hurt, but make sure you're still there for him. Prove you'd still like to be his friend. Tell him that he deserves someone who will be willing to appreciate him, or something along those lines. Heck, even offer to help him out in future dating situations! Let him know that there's a lot out there, and that you'll always be there to be his friend.
If he continues to be persistant however, you'll have to start hinting/reminding him a little of what you told him. If he starts acting too close, give him a little reminder, or maybe shy away a little bit. Just make sure you're not cold about it. After a while, he'll get it and understand that you can be just friends.
Though it'll probably be a little awkward at first, it'll work out in the long run. Best of luck!
XOXO
KAT.
so im 17/f, going on 18 next month. i've been talking to this guy, 21/m, for a few days. he seems really nice & people have told me that he is. he's interested in me and wants to take me to a dinner and a movie this weekend. i just want to know if there's anything different about dating an older guy. most guys i've dated have been less than a year older than me. i know every girl says this, but i am mature for my age in the way that i act. im not some stupid little teenager. obviously i know that if he tries to use me for sexual stuff, to drop him & get out. but just any experiences about dating an older guy you could tell me would be great. do they act different than guys that are, say, 18? how are they in relationships? anything like that.
First, remember that now that you're eighteen, you're 'legal'. Basically, you can date anyone you want now, and it's good that you're thinking things through when it comes to age before you go through with something. It's also good that you know if he tries to get you to do sexual stuff that he might not be genuine. Just make sure you keep this in mind, if this does happen. Even if you're enjoying yourself, think: Is this what he wants me for?
Thinking about it, eighteen and twenty one aren't too far apart at all. The maturity level, depending on the two people, is determined by you two. The only difference there may be between you two is that he can drink, and that shouldn't make much of a change. Think about it in a high school sense: A feshman dating a junior or senior. Is there much difference? It all depends. It dosen't make much of a difference in the real world. It all comes down to who HE is.
Dating older guys can be both good and bad. The bad would come from his experience, and wondering what his intentions are with you. Why is he dating a younger girl? Make sure that his attraction to you is a real one, and you'll be fine. As long as it's not just for your looks, or something like that. There's also the good: They CAN be more mature with age, therefore possibly more dedicated to the relationship.
Honestly, there's no telling whether or not he's different from any eighteen year old. It all depends on where he's been and where he's come from. I'd assume that if he's working, or in college he'd prove to be a tad more mature than any other eighteen year old. It also all depends on how you two interact together. How you joke around/talk/flirt/etc.
Depending on his experience as well, there's no telling how he'll act in a relationship until you take that dive and check it out. Ask him about his past and what experience he's got. I'd guess that the more girlfriends he's had, the more well rounded he'd be in that department. Just talk and see how things go there.
From my own perspective, guys who are maybe a few years older seem to act fairly similarly to guys my own age. There wasn't too much of a difference, really.
Just make sure his intentions are good, and you're safe with everything. I'd say just try to have fun and learn a little more about him this weekend, and decide where things go from there! (:
XOXO
KAT.
This is the day after a disastrous holiday with her and we have come to a mutual decision that we don't want to see each other anymore. We always had a difficult relationship due to her ferocious temper and mood swings and my inability to deal with them. While I did love her I always ended up feeling inadequate around her, because according to her, I seemed to get so many things wrong. This came to a head during this holiday, which we went on after I had been away at uni for a year. I was apprehensive about spending a whole week in her company but went really to keep her happy. She had been sniping at me throughout the holiday, saying that I was ringing my boyfriend too much (once a day, she conveniently forgot the whole trip was based around her wanting to go and meet an ex of hers) We were supposed to go for 6 days and on the 4th we had a huge argument where she acted as though the fact that we couldn't find the hostel we should have been staying at was my fault even though we had been given faulty directions. After ringing home to get the correct phone number, I got correct directions, but she was still annoyed. I asked her what else she wanted me to do and we argued. This culminated in her screaming at me in the middle of the street and stalking off, leaving me in a city I didn't know, alone with no map and no phone (it had broken earlier) I was stuck in a phone box having a panic attack (which i am prone to) and had to ring home for help. I got to the hostel and it turned out she was there. She continued to shout at me, and I told her about how I was scared of her and her temper. I said I would go home the next day (earlier than planned) and she said she didn't want to see me again. Not only did this grate on me, as I felt I had more right to say this to her, I now feel very depressed. I hate her now, and I know that when I stop hating her I will still not want to see her but I can't help feeling sad and everything seems to remind me of her. How do I stop thinking about this awful week.
First of all, I'm really sorry about the situation you're in. It was very kind of you to even go on the trip with her, and the way she reacted to things seems pretty unreasonable. Honestly, I think your mutual decision to not talk or anything is pretty smart at this point.
While it hurts, you have to know this is the right thing to do. Putting yourself through this trouble/hurt for the sake of a shakey friendship, really isn't worth it. There's a lot better out there, and tying yourself down to something like this will only prevent you from finding the good. You have to know that, and try to keep it in mind when you're feeling sad at all.
What I can say to do right now is just to distract yourself. Think of the good times you had, and accept that there were also bad times. Talk to other friends about this, and see how they help you out. Realize the good in your other friends, and see what else there is to be offered to you.
If you feel like you need closure, which could help you stop thinking, write a message or letter to your friend, and then cut off communication. Say exactly how you feel, and don't hold back. If you're not talking anyway, it won't hurt, and will probably help you feel better. It's almost like saying goodbye, which is very sad in a way, but it will give you the sense of peace you probably want.
Assuming you do that, and continue to think, get yourself distracted. Do things that either clear your mind or fill it up. Read a lot more/go out with friends/watch movies/etc. In a while, it won't hurt so much to think about it.
XOXO
KAT.