|
oops?
Okay, so there's a guy I met this summer (we work together) and I had a really big crush on him. Then he told me that he liked me. I'm not too interested in being in a relationship right now, though. he was okay with that, but he keeps acting all boyfriend-ish. It would be okay, except that I don't really like him anymore. The more we talked, the more I realized he really wasn't my type. I feel terrible because he thinks I still like him and is all hopeful that I'll change my mind about dating sometime in the future. I really, really don't want to hurt him. I know the most reasonable answer is to come right out and tell him I don't like him anymore, but thats such an awful thing to say! I thought it'd be okay after I told him I just wanted to be friends, but it gets really uncomfortable when he tells me how much he likes me and that he thinks I'm beautiful, etc.
help!!!!!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Really, you're right. The best thing to do would be to be completely honest, and to tell him that you're not really into him. However, you're kinda wrong that it'd be an 'awful thing to say'. It'd probably be one of the best things you can do in this case. It's not really fair to kind of let him believe in this false hope, if you think you absolutely won't change. I understand this problem pretty well, and it kinda works out with time and a little effort.
It's really sweet that he's telling you all this stuff, and investing all this time in you, but you should think about where this will get him: Nowhere. Talk to him, whether it comes up, or is random, one day about how you're feeling. Let him know that you know he really likes you, but you don't think you're right for each other. The longer you wait, the more attracted you'll probably get. Don't let it bother you if he says you're beautiful, or you really like him. He's only hurting himself in a way, so make sure you tell yourself, you HAVE to be strong and tell him how you feel.
Let him know that you're not interested in him in a romantic way. Don't just use the excuse that you don't want to date at the moment, because you saw where that got you, so far. Listen to what he has to say, and make sure you're patient with him. Know that he can't instantly turn a crush off, so if he's a little hurt, or still seems a little persistant, be understanding. It's scary, but you really need to talk to him about this. Just hinting at it could be embarrassing for him, and ineffective, considering "Love is blind".
This conversation could probably go one of two ways: Either he'll get upset and may not want to talk for a little, or he won't give up. You're probably hoping that it's completely simple and he just accepts that you want to be friends, but one of these things will probably happen, even if it's not obvious.
If he gets upset and dosen't want to talk, make sure you're still sweet to him. It's obvious he might be a little hurt, but make sure you're still there for him. Prove you'd still like to be his friend. Tell him that he deserves someone who will be willing to appreciate him, or something along those lines. Heck, even offer to help him out in future dating situations! Let him know that there's a lot out there, and that you'll always be there to be his friend.
If he continues to be persistant however, you'll have to start hinting/reminding him a little of what you told him. If he starts acting too close, give him a little reminder, or maybe shy away a little bit. Just make sure you're not cold about it. After a while, he'll get it and understand that you can be just friends.
Though it'll probably be a little awkward at first, it'll work out in the long run. Best of luck!
XOXO
KAT.
]
You are going to have to hurt him to save him from himself but, conviently, you don't actually have to come right out and say you don't like him.
You've already given yourself the prefect way out.
Tell him this:
"You are a good guy, but the more I think about it the more I realize how much I don't want a relationship right now. Nothing you can do will change my mind. So, please stop treating me so boyfriendly and complimenting me all the time. It's not what I want and it makes me uncomfortable.'
If he pushes, yeah, you might need to tell him that you just aren't feeling that 'crush' anymore. It's not an awful thing to say. It's much kinder then giving him false hope, and much nicer then just being a bitch to him because you really want him to stop his lovey-dovey behavoir but don't have the nerve to tell him so...
]
More Questions: |