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age difference.
so im 17/f, going on 18 next month. i've been talking to this guy, 21/m, for a few days. he seems really nice & people have told me that he is. he's interested in me and wants to take me to a dinner and a movie this weekend. i just want to know if there's anything different about dating an older guy. most guys i've dated have been less than a year older than me. i know every girl says this, but i am mature for my age in the way that i act. im not some stupid little teenager. obviously i know that if he tries to use me for sexual stuff, to drop him & get out. but just any experiences about dating an older guy you could tell me would be great. do they act different than guys that are, say, 18? how are they in relationships? anything like that.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First, remember that now that you're eighteen, you're 'legal'. Basically, you can date anyone you want now, and it's good that you're thinking things through when it comes to age before you go through with something. It's also good that you know if he tries to get you to do sexual stuff that he might not be genuine. Just make sure you keep this in mind, if this does happen. Even if you're enjoying yourself, think: Is this what he wants me for?
Thinking about it, eighteen and twenty one aren't too far apart at all. The maturity level, depending on the two people, is determined by you two. The only difference there may be between you two is that he can drink, and that shouldn't make much of a change. Think about it in a high school sense: A feshman dating a junior or senior. Is there much difference? It all depends. It dosen't make much of a difference in the real world. It all comes down to who HE is.
Dating older guys can be both good and bad. The bad would come from his experience, and wondering what his intentions are with you. Why is he dating a younger girl? Make sure that his attraction to you is a real one, and you'll be fine. As long as it's not just for your looks, or something like that. There's also the good: They CAN be more mature with age, therefore possibly more dedicated to the relationship.
Honestly, there's no telling whether or not he's different from any eighteen year old. It all depends on where he's been and where he's come from. I'd assume that if he's working, or in college he'd prove to be a tad more mature than any other eighteen year old. It also all depends on how you two interact together. How you joke around/talk/flirt/etc.
Depending on his experience as well, there's no telling how he'll act in a relationship until you take that dive and check it out. Ask him about his past and what experience he's got. I'd guess that the more girlfriends he's had, the more well rounded he'd be in that department. Just talk and see how things go there.
From my own perspective, guys who are maybe a few years older seem to act fairly similarly to guys my own age. There wasn't too much of a difference, really.
Just make sure his intentions are good, and you're safe with everything. I'd say just try to have fun and learn a little more about him this weekend, and decide where things go from there! (:
XOXO
KAT.
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Frankly, when I see a question about a teen dating someone older then them, it's NEVER the maturity of the teen I doubt. I worry about the maturity of the older person who would choose to date someone with much less life experience then they have....
Having said that, 18 to 21 isn't an unbearable difference at all.
Like in all relationships, the thing to do is LISTEN very carefully to what he says, not just what you hope he is saying. People leave clues, when they talk about how they treated exes and in the way they address you and their friends.
Keep your eyes out for the standard signs of a manipulator:
Someone who tries to blame their mistakes or bad choices on someone else ("She was really cold so I could help but cheat!" or 'She seduced me').
Someone who tries to control what you do by being depressed or unhappy when he doesn't get his way or when you express your unhappiness or stress.
With an older guy, especially make sure that you don't become the center of his universe. At 21 he should have some adult ambitions and interests in work and hobbies. If YOU are his main interest, that can be a good clue why he needs to date someone younger then him. A women with a few more years then you would have a firm hold on her own adult interest and ambitions, and would be less likely to find that focus flattering and more likely to find it annoying. Teens are more likely to still be figuring out those things, and willing to overlook his lack of adult interests…
Although it is not always fair, it is often true that guys and girls who date people significantly younger then themselves do so because they can’t attract someone the same age. That is about their lack of maturity, not the teenagers.
But like I said, just keep your eyes and ears open. Pay attention to what is really going on, not just what you wish was.
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not really much of a difference at all
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