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suicide.....yay it's fun!.....not so much....
Ok so I am suicidal and have been for a while now. I go around reading about other people and everything to gain as much knowledge as possible. I notice that a lot of times people say it's not worth it and dumb. Well try being in our shoes once then tell someone that. It's not so easy as you make it seem. You may actually hurt somone even more by yelling at them. But anywho....
I am going back down hill wanting to die. I am at my wits end with life and dealing with people from this world that are ignorrant and mean to those in need of help. I have gotten help and am on pills yet I still want to die. Why is life worth so much to people? I am so confused at this point and wanting to perish. I just want to be happy without things always going to shit instantly and getting worse everyday. I would love to find somewhere I fit in. If anyone knows where I would fit in besides with the people in the mental Hospital let me know.
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First, I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, because I understand the things you're saying. It's horrible, and you're probably feeling like there's no way it's going to get better, and it's not worth it to try, and all that. It feels like no one understands and sometimes like no one cares, but there ARE people who really care. I promise you that much.
I can't promise your life will ever be perfect, but I can tell you that you'll be happy again some day. If you put some effort forward (a little more, if you're already trying), you'll look back on these feelings and be happy that you didn't give up. (Take my word for that).
Are you so upset because of the people who are ignorant/mean to those people? And do you mean people in your situation, or situations such as poverty/etc.? While I'm not sure which way you're coming from, I can offer my opinion on both:
People will never understand what it's like to be suicidal or depressed unless they've been in the situation themselves. They'll be ignorant and see it as weak, when really, if I a person gets over their suicidal thoughts, they're actually very strong. They can't understand, because they've never been pushed into a situation where they'd actually want to die. They've been fortunate, strong, or both. Just remember it takes so much courage to go day to day when you're feeling like this, and it's admirable, whether people realize it or not.
If you mean the people who are ignorant to those in worse situations, there's nothing able to stop those people. Really, it'd be fantastic if there were, but there will ALWAYS be mean, ignorant, fake people out there. The only thing you can do is to try to weigh that out by creating more good than the bad there is in the world.
You've got the medication, and I'm assuming you've got the psychological help, now you just need the will to live. You need to find something that makes you want to be alive -- There's got to be something! Put yourself out there for someone; Let someone rely on you, Do charity, Invest your time in some kind of long-term project or goal. Give yourself a reason to believe in living. Of course you'll question life if you don't see anything worth living. Try, try, try.
Why is life worth so much to people? It's different for everyone. Children, friends, a sense of purpose; You'd need to decide in your case, like I said earlier. No one really knows why we're living, but we should make the best out of teh time we've got, really. You only get one life, and you're here so why not do something with that time? Make a difference. Make your existance worth something. If you don't believe there's a reason people should be living, make your own reason.
If you're confused, try to sort the things out in your life that seem to be issues. If you don't need them, or they're not worth it, get rid of them. Don't put yourself through anguish for the sake of a friend, addiction, or something else that isn't really worth your emotional state.
If you said you WANT to be happy, that's a good start. You've at least got some kind of will to go on. Just remember, as cliche as it is, there's always a silver lining in a way. That, and whatever situation you're in right now, it will improve eventually. It takes time and patience, but it happens, really. You'll never find out though, if you decide to just give up. Give yourself the chance to look back and see that you were wrong in a way to think that dying was the only option.
If you want to fit in, try finding people with similar interests. Maybe join a forum on the internet to start (maybe about a band or hobby you enjoy?). Personally, I'm on the MCRmy, where people actually talk about their problems and offer each other help and everything, and all share the common band they enjoy. There are lots of things like that out there that you could get involved in.
I'd also go with what was said earlier: To do some charity. It helps, and you'll have a common interest with the other people: Helping people out. It seems cheesy, but really, try it out! I can guarentee it'll help and keep you busy/keep your mind off bad things.
Your life is going to get better if you just try. Keep yourself busy, and try not to think so much into everything. I understand that you probably think you think about suicide or problems like 90% of the time -- But try not to. The more you think into things, the more you'll get yourself depressed. Distract yourself, and find an activity, read, help others, anything to get your mind off bad things.
I really hope you find the strength to go on, because the world really can be a good place, and things get better.
XOXO
KAT.
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Make your life meaningful.
Many people seem to be having this sort of problem now and I truly think that it's because we have lost the right path in life.
I don't mean this to be bad but I'm not sure how to put it: you need to start focusing on other people other than yourself all of the time. If you make your time useful and helpful to others, you will gain a sense of care about yourself. You will soon realize that you HELP others and that other people need and appreciate you.
Many people now are so busy with their own lives that they lose sight of what it is to be loving and caring. You see, knowing that you are helping others does great things for the self-imagine. You soon realize that you aren't useless and just a blob of flesh bobbing along through life.
"Well try being in our shoes..."
Many people are in those exact shoes. They work their hours at work, come home to a hectic house full of seemingly careless people who, unknowingly, feel the same way they do inside.
It really seems that the problem is our current lifestyles. We no longer "have time" to help others. Nobody volunteers now because they feel that they should be paid money for their time. Nobody goes out of their way to show care for others because that time could be used for something else. Both of these are common and we're taught (it's drilled into our heads) that we are the most important in our lives. This is not true at all: the people surrounding us are the most important.
The people who surround you create your sense of belonging though. Those people help you to see yourself as useful. Those people are the ones that can show care back for you. Without those people, you aren't anything anymore.
The media keeps telling us to only worry about ourselves. Sure, it's find to tend to your own needs--but what happens when everyone is too busy with themselves? What happens when everyone stops worrying about caring for others? They become depressed, wondering why they don't belong somewhere and why they feel lost in society. That is what is happening to you, most likely, whether you realize it now or not.
What's strange is the more we focus on ourselves and stop helping others, the less we feel good about ourselves. As humans, we NEED interaction. We NEED acceptance. We NEED to know we are important in life. Most of all though, we desperately NEED to help others to gain all of that plus more.
I highly suggest that you stop focusing on yourself. Yes, still continue to get help but try to put your excess time/energy/efforts into others. Find places to volunteer regularly at.
Am I right in this? I bet I am...:
You feel worthless, unimportant, and useless.
You feel like you simply cannot do anything right.
You do not feel needed, and maybe not even loved.
You feel like people wouldn't miss if you if you disappeared, or that they would get over your departure quickly.
You feel empty inside--like something huge is missing but you cannot pinpoint it.
You feel like your best will never be good enough because YOU are not good enough.
You feel like nobody is genuinely interested in you and what you have to offer (though you may feel that you don't have much to offer)
All of this is exactly what I'm talking about. You need to make more of your life. By giving to others, you are creating your sense of worth. You will soon realize that YOU DO make a difference and that people appreciate and care about you. You will realize that when you have to skip a volunteer day for a doctor's appointment that many of the people you have been helping will ask what happened to you--Ah-hah, there's your sense of belonging! You will begin to realize that being involved with the care of others can be very fulfilling spiritually.
Spend time at soup kitchens helping the hungry, volunteer at shelters, visit the elderly in homes so they're not as lonely (not everyone has visitors and just about everyone has neat stories to tell), read Bible passages to younger children, volunteer at local animal shelters, donate your time to what needs you, and do whatever you can with that time.
If you feel like you don't have time now--make time. Alter your daily schedules to fit a few hours in for volunteering. Instead of being on the computer for an hour, log in only for 15 minutes and do what you NEED to do. Instead of sitting at home for dinner every day, take one day a week to eat at the soup kitchen after volunteering there.
Focus on who needs you. In essence, this is all for YOU so this is important. Helping others will help you.
I suggest you grab a phone book and make a few calls. Sit down with a calendar and set up one or more days a week to volunteer your time at certain places. Don't stress yourself out trying to fit things into busy schedules, but move things around so that your schedule won't be hectic but will have the fulfilling volunteer time in it.
It isn't your fault that you feel this way. You have just been fooled all of these years into believing that you are number one. Relax and focus on taking time for others and you will eventually find what is missing, trust me.
I hope you take my advice and improve your life before things get worse. If you have any further questions regarding this subject please feel free to ask me!
P.S. Anywhere you volunteer your time at, you will happily fit in :) I promise, you'll see.
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You know, im the same way:) but its okie, i deal with it i move on i find things better to do, i dont tell people my problems like you, i wouldnt have the courage to blur it out, because afraid people might take me the wrong way and put me in a mental hospital, its odd i feel fine, so your right whatever but you should deal with it, think this way don't let people ruin your life, take it and make it worth while everything they throw at you. and i mean it, EVERYTHING if they're gonna put you down, put up your self image better. the more they hurt you the more courage you get, i know i do :) if u wanna chat i have a myspace hehe ^^ www.myspace.com/suicidal_babe_88 told cha :)
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Start your life over... Dont take anymore shit.. get new friends.. Knock the next person out that fucks with you.. i know how your feeling
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I don't know how much help this will be, but it's a discussion in someone's forum on here that may let you know that you aren't alone:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
--Jack
(16/m)
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