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Gender: Male
Occupation: Information Professional
Age: 42
Member Since: January 22, 2010
Answers: 87
Last Update: February 3, 2011
Visitors: 5723
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hello my husband just deployed to afghanistan and like 2 weeks before he left i kept catching him lie. like he told me he wouldnt look at inappropriate internet pictures he promised actually. then one day i was showing him how to do something on his computer and they popped up and he lied about it. then started accusing me of not trusting him when he tried to minimize the window. which i was like whatever its not a big deal ill get over it and he apologized. recently his ex messaged him just asking to catch up and talk, this was his ex of 3 years and like his first love. he did tell me that she messaged him, and i told him not to message her back because i didnt want it to start something just like he asked me not to talk to a certain one of my ex's. well today i had a bad feeling about it and we share each other's passwords and i found out on facebook he did message her and had been talking to her. i was completely crushed because he told me he wouldnt. it may be dumb but i just felt like if he talked to her again he would grow those feelings back for her, even though we're married. i'm just so sad he lied to me again. i dont want him to think i dont trust him and i dont want him knowing that i went on his fb because he'll accuse me of not trusting him again etc. so i sent him a message through fb asking him if he talked to her because i had a bad feeling about it, im not sure what to do or say if he lies or confesses it.. i have a feeling he's gonna lie. i dont know why all this is happening we had a really good relationship and i thought it was so honest :( help i dont know what to do!
thanks (link)
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Rahzie nailed it like she usually does. All I can add to her advice is that you guys are in the early stages of a potentially serious problem, but there's a good chance that you can turn it around and fix it. He wasn't completely hiding his communication with his ex - he knew you had the password! He's being passive-aggressive by communicating with her after you asked him not to; in other words, he resents your trying to control him, like you did with him looking at porn, but doesn't want to just come out and say so.
So: like Rahzie says - he needs to stand up to you, and you need to let him know that's OK and he won't automatically lose you just by being honest.
Good luck!
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Ok, so theres this one girl i like ( im a girl as well) and i can't tell if shes gay or straight. I just know she acts different around me. Today me, her and another friend of mine went out to coffee. We also went to high school together. She always laughs at things i say, regardless if they're funny or not. She told me i looked cute today, and that my eyes looked good. and i can't explain it. I know shes not laughing AT me. It's just kind of akward, because like i feel something towards her, and i kind of think she might feel it back. my stomach flips every time i see/ think of her. I happened to look away at one point, staring out the window, and staring at her at the same time will still looking out the window, and i noticed she also faced out the window, and i saw it, so then i faced my other friend, she lingered at the window for like 2 seconds, and then cautiously faced back. Is there any chance that she could like me too? sorry for draggint this out. when she talks to me online she uses hehe like every other word and Lots of smileys, more than ive seen her use on anyone else in like facebook and stuff. Thanks for your help, and reply quickly please! (link)
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Well, it sounds like there's a chance she's into you, but you won't know for sure until you talk to her some more. Ask her out - not on a "date," exactly - just say there's a cool movie, do you want to go see it, etc. Try and pick a day when your mutual friend is busy so she can't/won't automatically ask her along as well.
Then, when you're having a sandwich or a drink or something at some point in the evening, bring up some topic that touches on gay things - don't-ask-don't-tell repeal, gay marriage, Ellen Degeneres, whatever! Read her body language, make lots of eye contact, touch her hand, etc. If it goes well, ask her out again. If she says yes, she WILL understand by the end of the second date at the latest that you're into her. Then the ball's in her court.
Good luck!
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19/F. The other night I slept over my friend's house who happens to be a male. The only reason I slept over is because he lives a distance away and hanging out with him and going home all in the same day would be silly...anywho, as we were trying to fall asleep in seperate beds, I felt this really strong urge to cuddle with him, but I resisted. I didn't know how to bring it up or how he'd respond to it. I didn't want to do anything freaky lol I don't see him as anything more than a friend and he shows no indication of liking me. So...what's the appropriate way to initiate cuddling in a situation like this? (link)
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Well sure, go ahead and cuddle - but don't be all offended or shocked if he starts initiating something a little more sexual. I think if you really don't want that, you should say right up front, as you're getting into bed with him "I just want to cuddle for a while and go to sleep. I DON'T want to have sex or even fool around. Is that cool?"
He'll probably say that's fine, but again, don't be offended if you notice something growing down there. Good luck!
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I am The husband of a wonderful and understanding wife. As i write this i feel it necessary to inform all of you of a few things first. I am not a religious person I have my own faiths about god and morality but as open minded as I try to be I am at a loss and am coming to you all as a last resort.
My wife and I had discussed for a long time the possibility of including other people in are sex life and before long it became a reality. We stepped in to a new experience unaware of the out come. Are experience was with another couple, people we trusted, people that we knew would be open to the idea. Initially I was the one to bring it up but without hesitation everyone jumped at the idea. In the end we had swapped partners. The first time we were all intoxicated and it went seemingly well. After however I had began to have doubts and shared them with my wife. Although I was unsure of how to react after many discussions I had felt that it was necessary to do it again this time with a clear and sober mind. So my wife and I and our friends decided to go for it. Now before I continue I want to say that we entered into this activity with the agreement that if it was uncomfortable with any party involved we would stop and that there would not be any pressure to do it again. That being said we tried again this time instead of us all being in the same room we decided to separate.
I was unable to become comfortable enough with the situation to complete the task at hand. My wife and the other man involved were able to reach that level of comfort and enjoyed themselves thoroughly. At the end of the second time I knew that these activities were not meant for me and expressed my discomfort to my wife with the preconceived notion that there would not be any pressure to perform that sexual feat again. What I did not know then is that my wife enjoyed it so much and she was unable to identify with me in that regard so she produced the thought that we would do it again but I would just need time to come around.
Shortly after the experiences I decided to see a therapist not because f the experience by its self but more just because of the way my life was going. After many sessions we came to the above mentioned topic. It had become relevant again because my wife had decided to go hang out with the guy that had been involved now that by itself did not bother me what bothered me is that she would not discuss and was actively trying to hide what had been said during a conversation via text message. Eventually after a short debate she offered the content of the conversation to me and it was nothing that directly bothered me because I know this guy to be very strange and playful in regards to sexual content. My wife how ever thought that It would elicit an undesirable emotional response which it did but not because of the content her assumption that it would bother me bothered me more than the content its self.
Through this conversation and the one that followed with my therapist I decided that I needed to have a very serious conversation with my wife so that we could get on to the same page about the issue at hand. Over the next few hours my wife and I talked screamed yelled cried but no matter what we did we could not get on the same page. Leaving us with this decision either we stay together and one of us resents the other or we separate and we both resent each other. We have both expressed or feelings fully about the subject matter. And she wants to sleep with other people and encourages me to do the same (which I can and will not) and I want us to only sleep with each other. I do not know what to do I am lost and cannot see the way out I lover her to much to leave and I love my self to much to leave.
If there is anyone out there that has been through this or something similar please respond.
If you have read this far thank you.
(link)
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Wittyusername is basically right in suggesting that couples therapy is in order. It may not work, but you ought to at least give it a shot.
That said, I think you need to brace yourself for the possibility that Rahzie is right, here, and that Adviceman is possibly a little too optimistic. If she likes swinging and you don't - that's a BIG sexual difference. It's not really comparable to spanking. It's not likely that she's going to suddenly stop liking swinging if you just find the right therapist. You can probably find a conservative, sex-negative therapist who will do his/her best to convince your wife that there's something inherently wrong with swinging, but do you really want to subject your wife to that?
The genie is out of the bottle. Your wife has discovered something she likes. I think ultimately you're going to have to get used to letting her see other guys ocasionally, or end the marriage. But get some counseling and see. Good luck!
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So recently I got a job working at bubba gump shrimp resturant as a hostess I'm still in the training process so I have not gotten paid yet. This particular resturant is a chain I i work in the one in new York City times quare it's always crazy busy especially at this Christmas season. I get paid 8.25 an hour plus a percentage of what the resturant makes. All hostess share 25 percent of the restaurants profit. When i ask how much is average the managers or trainers just say don't worry about it. I'm anxious to find out so my question is does any one know someone who works there or works there themselves I would really like to find out. (link)
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If the hostesses are getting a percentage of the nightly take, I'd be surprised if it's 25% of the entire profit for that night; that's pretty high. However, let's say that is in fact what you're getting; in that case, just do the math. Let's say there are 5 hostesses; if you get a $200 profit-share cut for one week of work, that means that the hostesses got $1000 altogether for that week - which means the restaurant made $4000 profit that week. Then calculate it again the next week and so on. After about 8 weeks or so you can total it up, divide by eight, and get a pretty good idea of the restaurant's average profit.
IF you can trust the numbers you're being told by the management, that is. There's no guarantee of that. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. You get what you get. If it's not enough, ask for a raise and say you might walk if you don't get it. Squeaky wheel and all that. Best of luck.
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19/m One day i was helping my friend study for a psych test and he had to know what a sociopath. I didnt hear him say all the symptoms but at the time i realized what he was sating pretty muched summed me up as a person. So my question is could i be a sociopath? also is that bad? (link)
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The closest thing to "sociopathy" that the American Psychiatric Association currently recognizes is something called "Antisocial Personality Disorder." It has a lot of symptoms, but generally boils down to the fact that you're easily bored and you really, truly don't care about right or wrong or what other people think or feel.
If you think that honestly describes you, and you're not just trying to be a tough guy by making people think you're some kind of psycho, then hopefully you'll always be conscious of the fact that you're different, and you'll warn people about the way you are so they don't get hurt. Think of it as making things easier for you. If you really are like that, don't get married and have kids. Again, make life easy for yourself.
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ohk well im 13 , and im a sexual person with both genders . i feel as if im a slut but i cant help not to do stuff with people . and i hate it when people call me a slut . like if they were sexually active they would prollly be the same way . sex feels great . it sucks tho that im only 13 and i already had sex . im moore mature than most girls in my grade . i have all older friends that are in 11th 10th grades and so on. can you guys help me thanks (: (link)
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NinjaNeer is basically right on this (as he seems to be in general). Being a "slut" is relative. To a prude virgin, you're already a slut. To a porn star, you're conservative. The important thing is to stay healthy. Use condoms every time, and get tested when you can. Talk to your partners and develop a level of trust with them. If you use protection, and you trust your partners and communicate with them, well have fun!
It's true you're getting an early start. Personally I would think it's a good idea to wait at least two or three years to really get sexually active. But hey, if the cat's out of the bag, your first priority is to be careful, to communicate, and to be honest.
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i am so use to sleeping when im high (off marijuana)
i usually smoke then watch my tv shows then fall asleep mid show.
i love it and look foward to it every night.
a) is that bad to begin with? is it bad that i love to smoke before i sleep
and im away for the weekend and just finished my stash and have no way of getting more.
i have to fall asleep sober and besides the fact that its scary for me, its als really hard.
i just keep watching tv and idk its just so different.
what u think?
do i have a problem? how do i sleep without weed! id it even bad that i liek to sleep with weed? (link)
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Jada's right, I think. There's nothing wrong with weed per se, but habitual use of anything is bad. The thing is, weed or anything else should be an occasional, fun drug - not something you rely on to get to sleep or rely on for anything else. So go cold turkey for a while. And when you do smoke again, make sure it's a random, occasional thing as opposed to something you depend on to achieve any particular psychological or physical effect.
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I was applying to some jobs and this lady at one place was helping me out. She asked me what my social security number was so she could write it down on the application. I told her I didn't know and she told me I really needed to find out and that it's important. What is a social security number and where do I get one? Why is it important and why don't I already have one if it's so important? (link)
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You do already have one. If your parents don't already have it, you can find it by contacting your local Soc. Sec. office. You can find it here:
https://secure.ssa.gov/apps6z/FOLO/fo001.jsp
It's for tax and retirement purposes. It is important. Get straight on it.
Happy earnings.
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so me & my boyfriend had sex & he pulled out & busted a nut. then it was on my covers & i put my leg down & it got on my leg & i wipped it off, does that mean i can get pregnant? i mean it was during my period. then the other time was two days after my period ended, we did it again & he pulled out but left it go all over him & i put my leg down once again & i wipped it off, then he wipped himself off then we started again, can i get pregnant? i'm really nervous so please give me a straight forward answer.
thankss. (link)
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Yes of course you can get pregnant from that. It's not super likely - i.e. the odds are in your favor, but why aren't you using condoms? Do you WANT to get pregnant? Get an at-home test. You're probably fine, but make sure.
Come on, use your head. Use a condom every time, and go on the pill if you can until you're ready to have kids. It ain't rocket science.
Sorry to sound like a curmudgeon, but hey. Just think clearly, kid. Best of luck.
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can children go naked at the beach (link)
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Yes.
But check with your local lifeguards - ultimately, those are the people you have to deal with.
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ok so i am f/17 and i want to become closer to God i mean ive been baptizted before bt i really want to become closer to the lord i guess i just got baptized because i felt i had to at the moment i was close to the lord before i got baptized though.bt after that everything went down hill =[ i just want to be closer to the lord because he is my confort bt im scared to talk to him for some odd reason
soo how can i become closer to the lord like i was before?
what can i do ?
and will god be angry at me because ive changed? (link)
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Becoming "closer to God" is a process that occurs within your own mind. It's pretty hard to give advice on how that can happen. All I can say is, focus, mellow out, and try to get to that mystical center.
In the meantime, PLEASE don't become some sort of dogmatic, judgmental Jesus-bot. That's not what all Christians become, I know, but there is a danger. Stay human, no matter how drunk on God you become.
Best of luck,
S. A.
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so i am a 16 year old boy living in Massachusetts. So i had a friend who lived next door to me from like age 10-13, and we were BEST FRIENDS. We did everything together, and i really looked up to him. He moved away when i was 13, but then visited me when i was 15. We kind of fell in love, or at least i fell in love with him. Then this last April i visited him, and we kinda hooked up, but it was purely me doing things to him, but like he asked for them. After that the only thing he ever said to me is "i hate you, never speak to me again. Your a sick fag, get out of my life.". I don't know how to get over this, its crushing me. I was absolutely in love with him. (link)
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NinjaNeer is basically right. Your friend might not be gay, but he's at least bi to some degree. The thing is, some bi guys can't fall in love with other guys - they only like to have sex with them. Some people call this being a "straight-identified" bisexual. That might be what your friend is. But it doesn't excuse him being a dick to you. The important thing is, he doesn't reciprocate your feelings, and that sucks, but there's nothing you can do about it. Just tell him that he had no right to be so rude to you, and you need some time away from him. Hopefully you two can manage to be friends again in a few months - maybe even a year or more - when things cool down. In the meantime, meet new people and just be yourself. Don't let this guy or anyone else make you ashamed of who you are.
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15F
ok so ive been with my girlfriend for a year now and i love her so much we really care about each other and i didnt want to hide my relationship with her from my parents anymore but my parents are christians so they were not happy and they dont want me to date her anymore they think i broke up with her but i didnt anyways i just want my parents to understand that i will always be attrackted to girls because i dont want to be isolated from my family because im bi i dont know what to do any suggestions would be great (link)
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The reality is that you may have to "hide" your relationship with your girlfriend - and others you may have over the next few years - to some degree until you're in college, and maybe even then if you need their financial support and they'd withdraw it. I don't necessarily mean hide them entirely, but kind of downplay them and let your parents think you're just friends.
It really depends on how opposed your parents are to lesbian relationships. It may be that they'll warm up over time to the idea; you've got to ease them into it. They also may think it's just a "phase" you're going through. The important thing is that they should support you in ALL your relationships, gay or straight (provided they don't have some specific, rational objection to the person you're dating - like he/she is a criminal or something). But you have to give them time, and - if they're not too freaked out by the subject - frequent, gentle reminders that gay & lesbian relationships are OK. If it doesn't work, remember, it's only a few years 'til you're out of the house. You can make it.
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I don't know what to do with him! I found out from my bff that my bf made a facebook group thing about our relationshp. I went and red a few things on it and it is personal and nothing anybody should know but us so I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was so he would tell me or something but he didn't. i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad and I wanted to give him chances to say so but he just said he didnt have no secrets so i went back to read the rest and he had made it private only so now it is hidden from me.
I guess what I am asking is if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when i found out? He still denies everything and now i got no proof because i cant see it anymore!!! i have been crying about this and i feel betrayed like he has a secret life on facebook or something! should i stay with him if he isn't going to be honest and still hides things?
Sorry if this is too long! (link)
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Hi. I'm not sure why you confronted him in such a roundabout way, but you can stop with the indirect approach right now. You don't need "proof" - you saw what he was doing, and now he has a private area of Facebook you can't get into. Just lay it on the line - tell him you know what he did, and there's to be no more posting private info about the two of you on Facebook (or any other public forum), and no more hidden/secret areas either. Period. If he won't do it, dump him. Your requests of privacy in your relationship are entirely reasonable. Anyone who wouldn't honor them is being a douchebag.
Best of luck,
- Sage.
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Alright, this might be confusing but bare with me.
Tomorrow my ex-boyfriend wants to hook up(like have a reunion, as he calls it...). Mean while, two of his best friends are bugging me about hooking up with them. Now, my ex isnt expecting to have sex, but his other two friends are. My ex doesnt know his friends are asking me to have sex with them, because if hes knew then hed hate them(because hes very possessive of me...) Meanwhile, if i hook up with my ex, some people(friends included) could potentionally be upset with me. PLUS i might start liking my ex again, which i dont want to like to happen. But i have trouble saying no. Like i dont really want to have sex with my ex's two friends, but i can't say no. And if i say no to my ex, he would probably stop talking to me...and thatd hurt me alot because i love talking to him. Thing is i do want to have sex. But with his friends? And hook up with my ex? I dont know what to do...all i know is that if i end up hooking up with all of them, I'd feel like a hoe...help me pleaseeeee (link)
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Your "ex" doesn't sound like your ex at all - he's "very possessive" of you? That sounds like a current boyfriend to me. It doesn't sound like he can handle a more casual relationship, and I think he actually does want sex. I'd recommend dumping him completely and getting a clean start with somebody.
As for his friends - do you want to have sex with them? If you do, then go ahead - hell, do both of them at once. If you don't, then don't. I don't understand this "trouble saying no" thing. What do YOU want? Figure that out, then do it.
Best of luck.
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ok well me and my boyfriend are both 14 and we had sex (wich is really bad) but now im pregnant and havent told my parents how do i tell them (link)
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Agreed - just tell them. And don't wait! If you're considering abortion, the earlier the better. And even if you're not, you might as well get it over with. You'll be able to plan better what your next move is if you're not so worried about that. Good luck!
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idk wats worth living anymore. me an my gf jus fight all the time over nothing, an its manly cus i talk about feelings, an she jus gets pissy. im loosing ever so slowly the only thing i love in this life. id die for this girl an for only her jus to get anoyed by me, thats fucked. im loosing everything. all i do is fuck up,, so wats the quickest way to end ur life painless. im tired of feeling pain, i want to jus be in a better place to where i can live an be happy, cus obviously im doing a good job here........... (link)
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Hey! Knock off the suicide stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there's NEVER a reason for someone to end their life, but this sure as hell ain't it. So you and your girl argue. Big deal! If you can't be happy together, then dump her ass and get on with your life. Concentrate on school and/or job training. A new, busy, good-paying job will do wonders for your self-esteem, and you'll be able to find a girl who respects you. Do it!
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My fiance mention, for like the third time, that he would like to try new things in the bedroom. His main interest seems to be on a threesome, which is something that he knows I have done in the past. The thing is, I don't want to share him (that's why I commited to him, because before him I only had friends with benefits) and I've told him how I feel. Knowing that he wants a threesome makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, and like he doesn't really want ME. Am I overracting? I do understand that he has only been with me, maybe he wants to experience someone else... or experience the things that I did before meeting him. I really would like a possible explanation on why he would ask for something that he knows bothers me to even think about. (link)
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Rahzie is dead on. You need to talk to him without freaking out or assuming you're "not enough for him" or anything like that. Some people - actually a lot of people - are turned on by the idea and/or reality of threesomes. That's just how it is. If you've decided you don't like them, then you two have a difference. It doesn't mean that either of you are bad people. But he has a choice to make; either forget about the threesome thing, or you two will have to split up. Talk so this choice bcomes clear.
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hi I am a 14 / m & I am getting these hard ons all the time at school. it is embarrassing and I don't want to get them any more in front of everybody when I cant hide it. I want to control My erections basically. I googled it and read that guys have "their own way of controlling boners" but then I dont know any ways so it didn't help Me. I hate getting hard in class. can somebody give Me some tips so I can stop getting hardons in class and control Myself better? (link)
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I'm sure you already know this is normal. But as for strategies... I would go with thinking about something non-sexual and stressful, like an upcoming sports event, or a test you've got in a class you don't like. In other words, something real in your life. Don't waste time thinking about baseball, or old nuns, or anything abstract like that. Something that causes you at least a little anxiety; anxiety kills boners.
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