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New things in the bedroom =(
My fiance mention, for like the third time, that he would like to try new things in the bedroom. His main interest seems to be on a threesome, which is something that he knows I have done in the past. The thing is, I don't want to share him (that's why I commited to him, because before him I only had friends with benefits) and I've told him how I feel. Knowing that he wants a threesome makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him, and like he doesn't really want ME. Am I overracting? I do understand that he has only been with me, maybe he wants to experience someone else... or experience the things that I did before meeting him. I really would like a possible explanation on why he would ask for something that he knows bothers me to even think about.
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We talked about it, but he didn't talk much. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with a threesome and that I would rather take a break from our relationship so he could experience what he needs and I can find friends that will not make me feel the way he did. All he could say was that he was sorry and didn't mean to upset me. He said that he wants to be with me and won't ask for it agian. I know that I should be content with his response, but I can't get over his request. I'm always thinking about what girl is on his mind, or why am I not the only one on his mind (he's the only one on mine). Sex with him is very uncomfortable now... HOW CAN I GET OVER ALL OF THIS??? I keep thinking our relationship might be over, and it's because of me; becuase of how I feel. It's just hard not to think about it.
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The only person who can answer why he wants to do something is him. You need to ask him and let him know that you really don't want to do that and why you don't want to. It will help you both to learn to talk about this kind of stuff.
Good Luck
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If he wanted to experience something without you, he would end it with you. If you're not comfortable with a three some, then tell him absolutely not. I went through the same thing, and my fiance said that he wouldn't want to even if i agreed to it because he knew i wouldn't be enjoying it. He may want to try it, but he has to consider what he wants more, his life with you and only you, or a three some and a free life without you. Men don't understand the important of sex to women, they think its just an action and not something with actual feelings involved which is the way we think. He should try to understand things from your angle, and not get upset. Women feel differently about things than men. If he wants to try something new in the bedroom, try a new technique or a new position.
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Rahzie is dead on. You need to talk to him without freaking out or assuming you're "not enough for him" or anything like that. Some people - actually a lot of people - are turned on by the idea and/or reality of threesomes. That's just how it is. If you've decided you don't like them, then you two have a difference. It doesn't mean that either of you are bad people. But he has a choice to make; either forget about the threesome thing, or you two will have to split up. Talk so this choice bcomes clear.
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tell him you'll have a threesome with another guy.. see how he reacts to that one! haha
but really, just tell him how you feel. i doubt he would want to share you with another guy so why would you want to share him with another girl?
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You are not overacting at all!
Just because you did something, anything, in the past is no reason why you have to do it again. You are permitted to change your mind.
You are engaged to him, not him and an associate. It sounds like you want to keep it that way. Personally, I'd be wondering how much he wanted to be with me, and how much I was Girl A, while he decides who Girl B will be.
There are men who would cherish, love and respect you. Why are you settling for one who doesn't seem to value you?
If he does not fully adore you and want to honor you now, before the wedding, how well do you think he's going to be at showing his love when you've been married 5-10 years?
I think you should rethink the whole relationship.
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We can't read minds. You really are going to have to talk about this with your fiancé.
You have some good theories here:
Maybe he wants to make you 'even' and experience something you have experienced. Maybe he just hasn't really heard the 'No' message from you yet. Maybe he is simply curious because he feels like all straight guys should be curious about threesomes. Maybe it's actually something completely different he would like to try as a 'new thing in the bedroom'.
Are you over-reacting? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I think you should calm down and scale it back.
I believe if you plan on marrying a guy, you ought to give him the benefit of the doubt, and not shy away from having this whole conversation with him, clearly and calmly. Your quickness to judge him, and declare that ‘he doesn’t want me!’ if he wants someone else, is a bit unfair. As someone who had friends with benefits you surely understand that sex and love don't always go hand in hand. It’s possible to be attracted to other people, and sexually interested in other things, without loving someone any less.
What all marriages need to figure out, is how they will act, or not act, on those other interests.
If you need the door closed forever on the threesome conversation, you need to tell him that. Very clearly and very calmly, in the 'Ask me agian and I'll break the engagement kind of way.' However, you also really need to listen to what it is he is saying about what he wants and needs sexually and stop taking it so damn personally. If you keep taking it this personally and getting so upset, you risk missing what he trying to tell you. If you can’t hear what he is saying to when it comes to what he’d like sexually, you can’t ever know if you are truly compatible life partners are not. And that, is worth finding out.
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Hi,
Tell him he's not going to be your fiance if he asks that question a FOURTH TIME!!!!!! (I wasn't finished with my answer and it disappeared!)
If you're going to get married, I'm assuming it's to ONE MAN; not one man and some chick off the street. Men are ALWAYS game for threesomes, so tell him that he;s got 2 choices: To shut up and never ask that question again or bring up the topic (since it's passed; dead and gone) OR to go find someone who's into 3somes and do it (till he realizes it's really just a fantasy and has no 'SUBSTANCE' to it like marriage does!).......It's either YOU or he can take a ride on the way-back machine and try to re-live a past that he'll never be able to locate! Of course you're not overreacting; he's deliberately saying something to you that bothers you..........DOES THAT MATTER TO HIM? Ask him; are you good enough TODAY to be his wife?
Good luck girlfriend,
Rhona xxx
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