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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Hi Razhie, I am asking your advice because you are sometimes the voice in my head when I need someone to talk sense. Months and months ago, I briefly dated a forty-seven year old man(I am twenty-two/f) and it didn't really work out. He said he was still in love with his ex girlfriend back in the States(he is American, I am British and living and up until the today we both lived in Britain).
Despite our initial break up, we continued to see each other,and were sporadically sleeping together. The day before yesterday, I got a call from him saying that he was about to get kicked out of the country(long story, but he basically had a dud visa and tried to slip in to the country anyway-result ejection, even in yankee loving Britain)
So we met up-he invited me over to"watch a DVD" (you get it, code for "my c*ck is leaving in thirty-six hours, be on it") and I had the best sex of my entire life. Post-sex, though, I was troubled and sad, as I felt that my need to be close to him was not a feeling reciprocated by him-idk, I'm never sure with him. In the morning he kissed me, was tender and affectionate and promised to call me that night, his last in the country for God knows how long. He didn't call, which hurt me like caustic acid being poured on a wound. I sent him a text which gently admonished him for his failure to call, also telling him that while I was confused in my feelings for him, I thought that I loved him. This morning, just about two hours before he got on the plane he sent me a message apologising for not having called and saying that while he was stressed out, our last night had been a beautiful one for him. The message was lovely except that it in no way responded to my text. I just don't know what to do. I'm miserable and confused-part of me loves him like hell as well as feeling more lust for him than for any of my previous boyfriends, all of whom have been of my own age. But he has a history of emotional difficulties and has made me no promises. He said before he left that he would keep in touch(he is going to try to get back into the country when he can). I guess I just need someone to tell me no you fool, of course it's not going to work. But at the same time, a tiny part of me needs that less pessimistic voice. Razhie, what do you say?
The Answer
It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside that I am of some small service. No matter what my physiatrist says I still believe everybody needs a few voices in their head for the trying times; I'm very flattered to be one of yours. But I need to warn you, despite best efforts this isn't terribly optimistic.
All right then, with that out of the way, let us cover the bases. Here is a summary of what you told me:
He was unsure about being with you.
He has made you no promises.
He has ignored concerns you've voiced graciously.
You suspect your feelings are not reciprocated.
He is going to try to come back to you when he can, not as soon as, not right away, just when he can.
So what is he giving you to work with here?
The sex might be great for the both of you, but the love, the communication, the admiration, all the other things a relationship needs are only going one way, from you to him. You keep giving of yourself and it sounds like you aren't getting much in return beyond polite and sporadic affection. Yes, he has excuses and you seem to accept them; there was his ex-girlfriend, his past emotional issues and so on and so forth. But does somehow make what he is offering you enough?
He isn't fighting to be with you, he wasn't even before he left. He isn't trying to give you what you want or need. He is barely responding to you. His feelings, whatever they are, aren't motivating him to do any actual work, to have to tough conversations, to say the tough goodbyes or to make the tough decisions. He has coasted through this liaison, ignoring everything but his own feelings and issues, doing everything on his own timeline.
He seems polite and kind yes, when he leaves you confused and hurt he will always do it with a peck on the cheek and a handwritten thank you note, but that is a far cry from loving you.
This isn't working for you right now, and he has offered no sign of it improving in the future.
It isn't anything you did, not anything you said or who you are or what you believe or what you want. It is no reflection on you at all. You could be the greatest woman he has every met! The most wonderful woman to ever live! It doesn't matter. He decided it's not going to work. He had decided not to work for it. Unless he changes his mind for some baffling unknown reason, that’s just the way it is going to be. You can't change his mind for him and you seem smart enough not break your heart trying.
If he has nothing more to offer but great sex and sporadic affection, and it sounds to me like that is all he's got, is that enough for you?
If you really can't let this go then you need to be very clear with him on what you want and need from him. He will either balk, stall or appear miraculously at your side as quickly as possible.
But if you don't want to do that, or know that the miraculous apperance is never going to happen, then you need to let this pain go, and him with it.
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The Question
This is a very long scenario, but bare with me please, for I'm in dire need of help. My best friend asked me out friday, and I said no [being the idiot that I am] because I thought he was joking [yeah, I know, it's stupid, but he's done it before]. I've liked him for atleast 4 years, and I just missed my chance, which makes me really sad. My other best friend asked him today at school if he was going to ask me back out. He said no, but he still like me.
So basically, he liked me, asked me out, I said no, and now he's not going to ask me out anytime soon. Now things are different between us. He's acting so different, he's being really mean and he was never like this before. For example, today in class I scolded him for touching my chest because I simply didn't want him to. He said I was a "PMSing bitch" I yelled at him some more and told him that was so f*cked up. He stopped talking to me, but I didn't really care. Then he apologized and started talking to me again.
He's never done this before, and it's making me upset. Before this, he used to put his arm around my shoulder, hug me from behind, and do all the other little stuff that girls love. He's amazing and perfect.
My question is, what should I do about this situation? Should I ask him out? Does it sound like he'd ever ask me out again? Thank you so much in advance.♥
The Answer
It sounds like you've hurt him quite deeply. People never respond to rejection very well, a little bit of anger is normal, but after this it sounds like he will never work up the courage to ask you out again.
If you want to date him, ask him out soon, apologize at the same time and explain your confusion. If you don't, he'll probably do the smart thing and move on.
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The Question
I really want a gorgeous corset that can be worn with jeans or nice trousers. there's plenty of sexy lingere ones but does anyone know where to get day/evening wear corsets in the U.K?
thank you x
The Answer
Although corsets are a bit popular right now they are still really tough to find in stores. I'm not from the UK but the best places I know of online are the livejournal communities corset_shoppe and corsetry (http://community.livejournal.com/corset_shoppe and http://community.livejournal.com/corsetry)
You can also try stores in your area that specialize in gothic clothing but I do think your best bet is too check out the stores online that specialize in corsets. People in the corsetry community will happily give you references to which one they think are best quality in your area. Corset Shopee is for corsets that are on sale and has some links to sites from around the world that sell corsets.
I have to recommend though, if you are looking for a corset that will actually cinch, that is decrease your waist by more then an inch or so, that you purchase a custom built corset. They cost a good deal more money, but if you want to cinch your waist by very much a poorly fitting corset will cause you a lot of pain.
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The Question
I have this guy that I work with interdepartmentally and we have been friends for about 2 months. He came to my birthday party which was at a gay bar and he bought me a drink. I jokingly said that I would protect him if any guys stared to hit on him. He said that doesnt bother him. He came out with me to the gay bar about two more times after that. Well doing all this time going out a rumor got started in his department that we were going out. It kinda pissed him off and he told me he was going to tell everyone that we were sleeping together.
Now this past week he asked me to go the the gay bar when I told him I didnt know if I could make it he seemed disappointed. So what do I do? To top it all off he is married but going through a divorce
The Answer
Although it is wonderful that you are paying so much attention to his feelings and possible attention it always annoys me to read a question where is doesn't state the most important thing for me as an advice giver: Your feelings.
You haven't spoken to him. You haven't mentioned asking him about his sexuality or even a question so simple as "Hey, why do you like that gay bar so much?"
Stop speculating on his feelings. If you don't start a more serious discussion about them, you might never know.
As for what you should do, that rather depends on what it is you want to do.
Are you interested in something with him? Do you find him attractive? Or are you just a friend who wants to help him through this tough time?
Give your own feelings some actual thought for a moment and plan your next move based on them instead or what he maybe, kind of, sorta, might be thinking.
No matter what you feel though, I think you are entitled to a few friendly non-judgmental questions about the way he is behaving, because he sounds as confused by his actions as you are and an open conversation might really help him sort things out.
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The Question
What happened to a sense of right and wrong?
Why is world based on relativism?
Does anyone else think that wrong is wrong no matter what?
Does anyone else wish that you could still challenge people to a duel for questioning your honor and integrity?
What happened to chivalry?
What happened to living for justice?
Why do I feel like I'm the only person who still believes in these things?
The Answer
What happened to a sense of right and wrong? It became less culturally prescribed and in this new culture we respect an individual's opinions no matter how dumb or rationally baseless they are. People have gotten confused and now believe that respecting a person's ideas is the same thing as respecting the person. We are free to dislike a persons idea of right and wrong, we are free to argue, but most modern people refuse to be convinced of anything other then the beliefs they first held. Only within the confines of the law do our arguments have any weight. Do you seriously consider arguments you don't like or disagree with?
Why is world based on relativism? Because you are just as certain that you are just as right as the anti-semitic, white supremacist, wife beater, and cold hearted bitch are SURE they are right, and we have managed to destroy most forums where those ideas can be argued and challenged seriously. Do you listen to people opinions? Do you ever say, "Well that might be right for you." or "that might be what you 'feel'"? Do you ignore disagreements because to say things like that is just easier?
Does anyone else think that wrong is wrong no matter what? I do think some things are wrong, some things are the improper way to behave and are, no mater what the circumstances, stupid and destructive. But to answer this question best I can I offer you this little rhyme:
True wisdom knows it must comprise
Such foolishness as compromise
'Lest fools shall fail to find it wise.
Some days, we are all the fools. It isn't necessarily a bad thing that our systems let us be. Communism, tyranny, Marxism, those are the kind of systems that tried to eliminate human stupidity and rule in absolutes. God forbid. Do you ever make mistakes?
Does anyone else wish that you could still challenge people to a duel for questioning your honor and integrity? In joke? Sure. Seriously, of course not. This is an odd question placed here because it suggests that 'might makes right'. Is that really what you want, for the strongest to be always right?
What happened to chivalry? What happened to respect and admiration? Chivalry is just a fancy word assigned to kind reverence when a man offers it to a woman and certainly not the only situation where is should be given. Do you offer chivalry to your father, your male friends, girls you find unattractive or people that are mean to you?
What happened to living for justice? Justice is an ideal, as an ideal it is nearly unattainable. People get discouraged. You will get discouraged. Set smaller, realistic goals. Be friendly to one more person, don't make snap judgments, argue with a quite voice and gentle logic, keep an open mind. Do all that, everyday, and at the end of your life you might be surprised to find you have lived justly. Or are you all talk?
Why do I feel like I'm the only person who still believes in these things? Still? God man do you really think people used to ALL believe this, or even most of them? Study history, Study philosophy, even the stuff you disagree with, study religion and cults!
Asking questions is a great start but don't educate yourself with some columnists' opinions. Go Read! Go Live! This is good, but now it is time to get off your soapbox and get some more education to either backup your beliefs or prove them wrong. Why are you still sitting there?
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The Question
I recently found a 2 books in my library.
I probably have them from my grandparents, but i didn`t know about them.
A friend (the same one that directed me to this site) told me they might be valuable.
The books are:
1. "Pe culmile disperarii" (On the Heights of Despair), Bucharest, "Fundatia regala pt. Literatura si arta" publishers, 1934.
2. "Cartea amagirilor" (The book of deceptions), "Cugetarea" publishers,
Bucharest, 1936
Both books are in romanian and are the first editions of the philosopher`s first books.
I`m really curious how much they`re worth.
Can you help me out?
The Answer
http://www.abebooks.com/
The site above is a contect for people looking to buy or sell rare books. I searched both your titles and wow, looks like each book is worth over a thousand dollars american...
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The Question
Is social anxiety passed down genetically. My grandma has it and I think I may have it too. Would my chances be more if my grandma has it but my parents dont that I have it?
The Answer
The short answer is: We think so. Most recent studies are strongly suggesting that you can be genetically or at least chemically more prone to develop anxiety. Many people who find they suffer from it can point out other members of their family that do to. My grandmother and uncle both suffer from some sort of anxiety disorder, and so do I, although none of my parents or siblings seem too.
Like alcoholism, where people can be more biologically prone to it, that doesn't mean they will definitely develop it.
But honestly, your 'chances' of having it don't really matter. If you are suffering at all, ask for help.
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The Question
Well I am dating this really nice guy and I was talking to a very trustworthy friend on the phone and she said that somone likes him and told me their name and I was like their a hoe its no comparison to me and shes like well she offered him head and I was like so, so she was like well have you and I was like no ofcourse not and then she said shes after him, if she offers him head again do you think he will say yes what should I do? He dated her once and all they did was makeout but do you think that now she will try to do more because hes now my boyfriend, hes really sweet and super cute. I just got out of a bad relationship and I dont want this to be like the last one. Please help.
The Answer
Boys are not completely mindless, just like girls they are capable of making choices.
If your boyfriend is such a jerk that he would cheat on you or fool around with this girl well he is dating you or dump you just cause he can get head from her, then he is a loser and you should thank her for making it so clear.
Forget about her. She doesn't matter. She could be the biggest nastiest 'hoe' in the state or the nicest girl next to the Virgin Mary. Doesn't matter. What matters is whether your boy wants to be with you or not. So you are worrying yourself sick over things you can't control. If he doesn't want to be with you, he will dump you or cheat on you eventually.
If you can't trust the guy you are dating to say no to this girl's advances, then your relationship is already is a bad place. Girls like that don't break people up. Couples who get broken up by them were already broken to begin with.
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The Question
I'm a junior and on the prom committee with about 25-30 other people who cannot agree on a theme. Some of us want the traditional, formal, classy, starry, moonlit-looking, prom; but some people are trying to make it lame like a jungle theme. JUNGLE IS NOT PROMMMMM. how do i convince the rest of the committee that prom is a one-time deal and we want to remember it like it was all a dream?
A few of us girls decided on a paris-evening theme, with the dark city lit up on the walls and the eiffel tower, and that kind of thing so it's everything that any girl dreams prom would ever be.
No one in junior high or even elementary school dreams of their junior prom as being of a jungle or a luau. its just.. NOT prom material. I need to convince my fellow prom committee members just that. AND i need to convince them that it would be just as cheap as those lame themes would be.
Can anyone help me?! please.. its urgent. the next meeting is in 2 days. Thanks.
The Answer
Darling, if it was everyone's dream to have a classy glitzy prom then you wouldn't have a problem because everyone would agree with you!
The point of having a committee is so you get lots of ideas and get to pick the best. So you want yours picked, make sure it's the best, put the most effort into your plans, and rehearse what you will say to the committee and how you will present it. Dazzle them with your organization, your passion and all the in and outs of the theme that you have considered.
You want to convince them it will be economical. Then do some research! Call up party supply stores and other places you might want to buy things from. Some of them might be willing to cut you a deal.
You convince people by being having the best and most deserving idea, not just cause you think you are the only one who is right.
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The Question
at least once a month, I get migraine(sp?) headaches. I dont know what causes them, but I cant take any medication for them because I dont like swallowing pills. I have never done it in my life and whenever I try i feel as if I am choking and almost throw up. Are there any migraine medications I can take where I dont have to swallow a pill? If not, is there any way I can get myself to swallow a pill without vomiting? thanks ♥
The Answer
I don't know much about migraine medication but I have some difficulty swallowing pills. The easiest way for me to do it is to take them with something thicker then water. Mostly milk now, but in the beginning when it was really bad, jello or pudding worked best because it just slid the pill right down my throat.
I just know someone here is going to tell you to grind up your pills into a powder. Please don't do that unless you doctor or pharmacist tells you it's okay, it's not generally a good idea.
Good Luck.
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The Question
I had those little rhinestones that you can get from Claire's on my cell phone. Well they started to get old so I tried to peel them all off.
Now the sticky glue stuff that held them on is all over the back of my phone and I can't get it off. I've tried several different things but nothing can get the glue off. Do any of you know how to get it off? Please help, my cell phone looks disgusting noww!
The Answer
There is a wonderful product called GooGone (no joke) that you can buy at most craft supply stores. It's a orange oil that just melts most glue away and then washes off, and it wont damage the plastic or metal like nail polish remover can.
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The Question
I'm 22, my boyfriend's 24 and we've been going out for 2 yrs. After the first year the dating had significantly decreased. He's excellent about calling me everyday as if we were married! However he has this thing about not taking me out and I've sorta broken it off with him before last summer about it and he begged me for another chance. He still seems to cling to the notion that he doesn't want to spend the night defending me and worrying about me. Nowadays it's starting to take it's toll about how i feel. I know he loves me but why doesn't he want to take me out? Friday and Saturday nights he works in club management, then he calls me over to his house about once a week, we're intimate, it's cool, we hang out but that's it! I brought up how i felt recently and he says he's been (for 3 weeks) looking at various gov't job offers I understand he's busy and I'm a busy too! but as the saying goes: if u want something bad enough you'll make time for it right? (and i don't mean booty calls) I was hoping I could get advice on how to go about getting some chivalry back into the relationship!
The Answer
Well how about finding the Knight in Shinning Armor buried deep inside yourself?
Face it, our men can't do all the work and take all the initiative, all the time! Every girl wants to be swept off her feet but most of us seem to flat out refuse to so much as lift a finger to make it happen.
You want romance, make romance. You two are in funk, so set a new standard. In most relationships, people give what they get. If you give him a dinner by candlelight followed by a sensual massage, he'll be encouraged to return the favor and get in touch with his own creative and romantic side.
So buy the damn tickets, invite him out, don't ask or demand, invite. Surprise him with champagne or his favorite dinner. Give him what you would want to receive.
Chivalry has never been a one-way deal, it's just the fancy name for the kind of admiration a man gives a woman. There are plenty of ways for a woman to show a man she admires him as well. So lead by example. Stop telling him and show him what you are asking for. Only then will you know whether or not he is willing to put the effort forth.
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The Question
I'm reading Julius Caesar by Shakespeare. Does anyone know a website that has a free MODERN version translation of the book? Thanks!
The Answer
A modern version of the play will most likely not be available online. Although Shakespeare's plays are public domain, anything any modern person has written on them is not. I did a quick search and couldn't find a free one for you. But you might want to check out nosweatshakespeare.com. Their modern translation looks good and can be downloaded for about 8 pounds. It is schoolwork after all, maybe your parents will help you out.
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The Question
I've been getting my period for about four years now, but this year something weird has started happening. On the first day I get it, that night I always get really bad cramps and nothing helps, like taking tylenol or anything. Then I vomit and after that everything is fine and I don't have cramps again.(Before this, I never got cramps.) Is this normal, or should I get it checked out?
The Answer
That's not completely abnormal. Developing worse cramps, as you get older is often the case, and some woman find they have indigestion or nausea during their period.
It's not good though, it must be unpleasant and there are probably medications that can help you. See you doctor and describe the problem; they will be able to help and make sure that there isn't anything really wrong.
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The Question
Theres a new girl at my school; Lizzie.
She seemed really sweet and over the past 2 weeks we've become [ or so i thought ] great friends.
The first day she got here, she asked me like who are good people to hang around, who to trust/not trust, who the populars are, who would get you in trouble, and what our school is like.
I told her in my school you can't trust anyone. I told her about a girl on our Team that is so stuck up and self-concieted and thinks she popular [ and shes deff. not ]And I told her my opionion about other people too. Well Lizzie ran off and told all those people what I had said about them and how not to trust me. This made me mad cause she specificly asked about these people then stabbed me in the back by telling them my opionion about them.
I don't wanna confront her about it though; I'd feel so embarressed. What should I do?
The Answer
You should take your own advice and not trust people maybe?
No. I don't mean that.
What I do mean is that you shouldn't talk about people behind their backs even if you are directly asked.
The smart way to reply to her questions would have been to focus on the people she would want to know, the people you had a good things to say about, not the ones you were just looking to bitch out.
But the damage is done. I suppose you could just play the same deceitful game as everyone else and deny making the comments. My advice however, is to shrug it off. The people you said mean things about aren't people you want to be friends with anyways. So let it go and remember this next time someone asks you to talk about other people.
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The Question
This is probably going to sound pretty fucking wierd, but it bothers me.
Ok, Im dating this girl. Shes agnostic/athiest, Im christian, formerly catholic non denominational. Up to this point, with the exception of discussion, Ive not really had any issues with religions shit in our relationship. It doesnt bother me that shes agnostic, it hasnt bothered her that Im christian.
So, today we were talking, and I told her I was going to become a reverend in the universal life church. For those of you who dont know, its an online website where you can actually get legally ordained and become a reverend in the eyes of the law. I find this fucking hilarious, and have wanted to for a while, but never got around to it.
She reacted badly. First, she joked that she didnt want to be involved with a reverend. Then she got serious and basically made it clear that it would bother her for me to become a reverend while I was dating her (expressed so that it was clear she didnt want me to do it)
Then she tells me its "disrespectful towards my religion"
This is coming from a girl who Ive watched the jesus episodes of southpark with. Whom I have made catholic joke after catholic joke (Im entitled, I was raised in it) with and laughed with her. Whom I have had frank discussions about the real failings of certain christian sects.
And now this.
Needless to say, I reacted badly. I was, and am pissed at her, for reasons I cant really say. Given that she doesnt even have a religion (because atheism and agnosticism are no more religions than bald is a hair color) I dont see where she gets off getting on me for being "disrespecful" towards mine or having an issue with it when its not like...
Anyway. Enough impassioned speeches, my question to the masses, is what do you think. Am I out of line? Is she? Because Im going to do this, and shes not going to like it. And I dont like feeling guilty for doing things I know arent wrong.
The Answer
You're going to do this because you think it's hilarious right? It's no big deal. You just think it's funny. Have I got that right?
Well clearly she doesn't think it's funny, and I'm inclined to agree.
Being agnostic or an atheist may not be a 'religion' but is a system of belief. The fact that the two of you can discuss your beliefs openly and with respect would make me think that you take personal belief in any form and under any name to be some thing important and an integral part of human life.
Joking about the shortcomings of a organized religion or religious icons doesn't seem to be quite the same to me as choosing to express publicly and legally that the title of Reverend, which in nearly any other case you would have to study for years and dedicate your life to, is nothing more to you than funny. You are offering the people who choose that calling quite a deep insult, and not really a very clever or sophisticated one either. When I was in school becoming a Reverend in this way is a fad among 13 year old boys! At 21 don't you hold yourself to a higher standard of humor then that? And even if you don't, can you see how this isn't a satirical TV show, this is who you are, this is your identity you are turning into a joke.
Sure. Maybe she is out of line being so offended, but you are just as guilty for clinging stubbornly to a lame joke when it is obvious it upsets her. Would you tell dead baby jokes over and over again if they made her cry? I certainly hope not.
If you really want to do this, come up with a better reason then shits and giggles. Then you might have my support.
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The Question
say it was 3 thin layers of clothing. He did ejaculate and I noticed that there was a wet spot on my shorts around the top of my private area, I am not sure if it went through my underwear or not, but my underwear was also wet, but that was probably my stuff. I am really scared that I will get pregnant. I will get my period approximately around Feb 9 so that is where I stand. I am really worried, what can I do?
The Answer
You can probably relax and realize it would be very damn near impossible for sperm to permeate three layers of clothing and manage to get inside you as well.
However, let this good solid scare be a lesson to you. Sex is nothing to muck about with casually, even 'dry sex'. Take better care of yourself.
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The Question
I have a crush on this guy, actually it's more than a crush, I think I'm in love with him. We have been friends for 3 years, but I've always hoped we'd become more than friends. Well someone recently asked me what qualities about this man that I love attracted me to him. Then suddenly it dawned on me: He's exactly like my father!!! These are all the similarities:they both have dark hair and brown eyes, they both have really hairy chests, they are both very tight-wadded with there money, they are both workaholics, they both drink a lot of beer, they both are very flirtatious with woman, they are both humourous yet serious, they both have REALLY bad tempers, they both have been the boss of there own business, they both have been called an asshole behind there back, they both have been to court because of enemies made at work,they both are the oldest child, and they both have sex addictions (my dad cheated multiple times on my mom, and my crush admitted to me that he struggles with pornography.)
Well now that I've finally figured out why I'm so attracted to this man, it kind of grosses me out. Should I still have feelings for this man? Because in some perverted way it feels like I have feelings for my dad.
What should I do?
The Answer
Look darling, as much as people still make jokes about Frued, not too many professionals take his views on sex and children and parents with complete seriousness anymore. Relax, you are not a freak, you are a human being who has grown comfortable and accepting of males who behave a certain way.
As for being grossed out, and I may be crossing the line here but his behaviour would gross me out whether or not my father ever behaved that way. You've listed some traits that I personally find rather unattractive...
Perhaps it is a good thing you have noticed this similarity. Do you really want to be with someone who had the same flaws as your father, who might give you the sort of life your mother had or do you want to aim higher? After three years of pinning over someone like this is this the realization that will make you able to let go?
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The Question
Alright, I'm 21, and I'm married to a 22 year old Air Force man. We've been married for about a year and a half now. Anyways, we both work. We only have one car, so my hubby often times has to take me to work, and take me home from work. We live off base, and work on base. Sometimes there won't be a whole lot to eat at home, or I'm really wanting to eat out, and I'll suggest it. Then he'll say,"We don't have enough money, just make something at home." And he'll go to work(the same day), and eat out on his lunch break when he could bring something from home, or come home to eat instead of eat out.
It just pisses me off, because I'm always stuck at home eating left-overs, or scraping something together because we need to go shopping, and he gets to go out to eat. I talked to him before about this, but he CONTINUES to do it. I don't know what to do. I'm sitting here hungry, because there's not much to eat(and nothing good). And I packed him something to eat for when he went to work, but he didn't take it, and ate at Burger King instead(after yesterday he told me we couldn't eat at Burger King because we didn't have enough money). I am at my wits end. He doesn't seem at all sympathetic or sorry when I explain to him my feelings.
And there are times even, when we're in the BX that I want to go eat at the food court, and the only place that's fast enough is Anthony's Pizza, but he doesn't want to eat there because he ate there the night before, so he takes me home so I can make something instead, while he goes back to work. I honestly don't know what to do anymore!
The Answer
You need to be a little more proactive hun and sit him down and explain your problems simply. You are not happy with the food arrangement and feel he is being a hypocrite when he will not let you eat out but purchases his lunch. Use the money approach with him, since that is his argument with you.
You need to come to some sort of agreement, such as promising each other you will only eat out twice a week. You also need to discuss groceries 'cause eating out is expensive and not nearly as good for you as things you can make at home. So start thinking of foods you like, and ones that would make good lunches. You need to learn how to meal plan, it will save you time and money and angst!
What is wrong with picking up a slice of pizza even if he doesn't want any? Absolutely nothing. Why haven't you gotten groceries for the house? Is taking a cab impossible? Are there no twenty-four hour stores around? Is there no way to have your groceries delivered? You need to take some responsibility for feeding yourself and stop blaming him.
Problems are only unsolvable if you let them be. You sound like you are getting yourself all wound up and upset without seriously considering any other way of dealing with this besides "Well he needs to change!"
Worse case scenario: He might not change. So how are you going to take care of yourself and eat well?
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The Question
Here's my deal. Im 16/F. Not and never been sexually active. Ive had an irregular period for about two years, but i'm not on it right now.
Today in the afternoon, the area around my vagina started to burn and itch. I get irritation real bad when i shave, which i did last night, so that could possibly be the explanation. When i got home i looked to see if everything was okay, and i had all this white stuff all over, but i dont think it was live candida yeast or whatever its called, it just looked like little peices of toilet paper, but, wet? That could be it too right?? Okay so then i realized it wasnt some sort of irritation from shaving becuase my inner lips (which unfortanetly are noticably larger than my outer lips) were red and burning as well as my vagina, i can say. Also ive been on minocycline for a couple of weeks, its an antibiotic. I heard using yogourt helps so i put some on to smooth the burning. Umm so if this is a yeast infection, what do i do if i really really dont want to tell anyone? Any home remedies?
Thanks so much it hurts alot.
The Answer
No home remedies darling, and if this in a yeast infection and you leave it, it will spread into other parts of your body and become a serious problem. So in short, get it treated.
You don't need a prescription to get a yeast infection cure. They are over the counter medication you can pick up at any drugstore. It does certainly sound like you have an yeast infection and that it's been festering for a while, so get a three or seven day cure, not a one-day cure. One-days don't work very well if you've had the infection for a while. If you know how to insert a tampon, you'll be able to apply the cure to your vagina properly.
If you have never had a yeast infection before, you really should see a doctor at some point. Obviously, if the problem persists you need to see someone immediately, but even if it goes away, get yourself checked to make sure it really was a yeast infection and that is completely gone.
You don't need to be embarrassed. Yeast infections are as normal as your period. Nearly every woman gets one sooner or later. Please tell someone who cares about you, you don't need to face this stress all alone.
Good Luck.
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