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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My boyfriend and i have been together for two months and he has been with my family on numerous occasions. He went to the airport with us to see off my cousin, he came over the house, and he came on the boat with the family as well. My boyfriend asked me to come over his house and i ignored the question by changing subjects fast (IT WORKED) I know he will ask again so id like to figure out if i have to force myself to go or not. Also he has asked me to come chill with his friends. My question is..since we only recently have seriously dated isnt it better to keep it between me and him rateher then let eachother meet the friends who by the way our very influential? also if im uncomfortable with going to his house isnt it okay for the begining of the relationship for us to avoide it? I met one of his friends today it was one of those quick meetings like hello nice to meet you bye things and i felt akward with it. I love my boyfriend very much thats why ive been commited for two months even though we didnt see eachother for a lil over a month. Am i being smart or immature? Is it okay if we avoid the chilling with friends for a lil bit more or am i being selfish? i havnt allowed my friends to meet him yet because i want to keep it between us so im not hypocritical in that sense. I do see that it may be unfair for me to chill at my hosue and not his but on the othrr hand hes more comfortable with going to my hosue then i am with going to his. HELP BEFORE HE ASKS AGAIN :)
The Answer
You aren't being smart dear, you are being immature and you are right, you are being unfair.
You are afraid! I get that. Fear is fine.
But how long are you going to keep this up? After six months is he allowed to met your friends? And why is your family okay but his isn't?
You need to overcome that fear. A person's friends ARE very influential and big part of a person's life, and that isn't going to change whether you met them or not.
What will change, if you meet his friends and he meets yours is that you will be a real person to his friends not just 'the girlfriend'. Trust me, you want to be a real person to his friends and family. When they talk about you (and they will talk about you, whether you meet them or not) you want them to use your name. Because it's easy to spew nonsense, or only hear about the bad bits from your boyfriend (and there are always bad bits in every relationship) about 'the girlfriend', but people will be gentler and more reasonable when that girlfriend is a person they know.
If you are serious about this relationship lasting another two months, then you aren't helping yourself by avoiding everyone he is close too, you are hurting yourself. Sooner or later they are going to wonder what your baggage is that you aren't willing to meet them. Sooner or later, your hesitance is going to hurt your boyfriend's feelings. You don't have to hang out with friends or family every single day, you don't need to hang out at his house if you aren't comfortable there. But you do need to meet the family, make the effort to be sociable with them, and eventually the friends.
(By the way, EVERYONE is more comfortable at his or her own home then anyone else's. The only way you get comfortable at a place is to spend time there. You owe it to your boyfriend to give his home a fair chance.)
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The Question
Okay so I've been homeschooled all my years of school and this fall I'm starting college, meaning for the first time in my life I'm going to be taught by someone other than myself/my mother. I'm really nervous...any advice on how to interact with the professors? Like I have no problem with getting to know other people and stuff...just like teachers and stuff make me nervous. Help?
The Answer
99.9% of professors will respond very well to a student who is keen and prepared. Everything else is just gravy.
Every professor is different, especially in college. Some will go to the pub with their students, some insist on calling their students Ms and Mr and wont talk about anything but work, so pay attention to the kind of interaction they welcome.
If you are really nervous, watch the way the other students deal with the professors and pay attention to what the teacher seems to enjoy and what they brush off.
Of course, you can't be friends with every teacher, if there are three hundred some students they might not even remember your name and that is just fine. As long as you are prepared for class, participate when you have something to add and are upbeat, they wont have a problem with you.
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The Question
ok so i moved a year ago and i kept in touch with 2 of my friends but i would only talk to them like every once in awhile one day i started to really miss them so i called 'ann' up and started talking like ussaul but then she started talking about how she thought i was on drugs and i asked her why she said thatand she said because i didnt tell her what i did every day like once i got home and stuff and so i was like well i hang out with friends or do laundry or just like do normal stuff and so i said ann look you know drugs destroyed my family i would never do them you know that please believe me you mean alot to me and then she was like well i dont but thats ok so i took this like she trust me and so now we havent been talking for like over 6 months but i hate how it is hurting my other friend because now i have moved back into town and she wantsus both at her birthday party but ann is afraid i will beat her up wich she should know i hate violence and i wouldnt do thats so what do i do should i just forgive her or what?
The Answer
Are you really still mad with Ann? After six months it seems to me like you have no reason not to forgive her. She said a silly, insensitive thing, but she doesn't sound like she was really trying to be cruel.
If you have forgiven her, or at least aren't too mad anymore, then you should go to party. Don't worry too much about what Ann does. You know you wont hurt her and you know you wont try and cause her pain right? Tell your friend that.
Hopefully Ann will believe your mutual friend and come to the party. If she doesn't, then she is just being silly again, and you can't fix that.
So just forgive her, let people know you aren't still angry, and go to the party.
EDIT: So, she was silly about the whole thing. Fine.
Have you forgiven her or haven't you? I certainly think you should, but even if you haven't, unless you feel like fighting with her at your friends party there really isn't a problem. Just go, try to ignore her out of respect for your friend and let Ann do what she will.
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The Question
Okay so like a i've only beens friends with this guy Alan for like about two months. Last week he asked me if i wanted to go to the movies that friday (two days ago) with him. Well i have social anxiety disorder and i take anti depressants/anxiety pills prescribed by my psychiatrist. and when he asked me if i wanted to; i began sweating 5000000 mi per hour. i havent gone to a lotta places this summer and since its almost over; i decided to go. i also brought two of my friends to see if it'd help. ohkay well skipping to the main part of my story; he told me he expected better. he doesnt understand that i hurt myself (cut) after every event or hangout and hoping my anxiety would stop. and i never got to bring myself to killing myself. i do want to but i dont. im just confused. what he said hurt me so much. i dont really have a specific question but.. what do i do now?
The Answer
You move on, you stop worrying him and you get over it.
I'm sorry, I don't have any better advice for you, your question is verrrry vague.
What I do know however, from being a girl trying to date and having GAD myself, is that if you can't explain to a guy that some things make you uncomfortable or if he can't understand that discomfort AND especially if he is condescending to you because of that, then he isn't a good guy for you.
As a teen with any sort of mood disorder or poor mental health, it's really hard to date. A lot of teenagers are really self-involved, and it's hard to find a teen that can appreciate the difficulties you face and deal with them maturely, the same way it's hard for you to deal with your own emotions maturely all the time.
But dating right now isn't something you absolutely have to do. If you can't date right now without feeling amazingly anxious, then don't date. Work on hanging out with people you trust, doing small things that scare you or make you nervous. Exposing yourself to those things will help you get over them. Be better with yourself before you try to add anyone else into the mix. You can build up to dating and more importantly, dating someone who is right for you.
If you aren't comfortable enough to explain your situation to this guy OR he can't understand the situation OR he simply doesn't care, then there is NO relationship potential, no matter how much you might like him. So whatever pain you are in, just let it go, it's pointless.
If you aren't already, talk to a therapist. Especially a Behavioral or Cognitive Therapist. With a bit of work they can really change your life for the better.
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The Question
is there anyway to get rid of bacterial vaginosis besides going to the doctor. i'm very embarrased to show the doctor "down there" so is there anyways to treat it at home??? THANKS
The Answer
There is no way to get ride of bacterial vaginosis except seeing a doctor and getting a prescription for the right antibiotic.
In fact, there is no way to even be sure you have bacterial vaginosis unless you see a doctor. The symptoms for bacterial vaginosis are vague, and similar to several other imbalances and problems. Only a doctor can make sure that is in fact BV that you actually have.
Leaving BV untreated it can cause infections in the uterus and fallopian tubes, eventually leading to extreme pain and infertility.
Get over your fear of the doctor looking at you down there. It will have happen many times in your life. If you ever get pregnant, a doctor might be peaking down there every few weeks. Doctors see those private parts of the human body every single day! They don't care at all, its not 'sexual' or 'private' to them, it's just human. Only you feel uncomfortable. So for the sake of your health, suck it up and see the doctor.
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The Question
Why has advicenators been deleting people who are 'fakes'? As in they are pretending to be someone else, with the picture in their column. I know that's pathetic, and they shouldn't be doing it, but..why worry about it? I thought this site was about giving advice, personally I don't think anyone's picture should even be considered in the removal of an account.
The Answer
If Advicenators is aware of these people who are fakes and didn't remove the accounts/photographs, we could get in trouble with the law. Is letting people be pathetic worth not having Advicenators around anymore?
AND Of course a picture can cause the removable of account! Imagine someone put up pornography, or a picture including a racists slur. Anything that anyone puts up on this site that is illegal or grossly irresponsible will result in the removal of thier account. Period.
Think about it for second, and it does make perfect sense.
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The Question
My boyfriend just got braces, and I don't blame him because they're really hard to clean but... His breath STINKS!!! everytime we kiss it's like *Faint*. How can I tell him he has bad breath without hurting his feelings?
The Answer
Maybe you can't tell him without hurting his feelings, but you really need to tell him. It would be way more embarrassing if he walked around with terrible breath for months before someone told him, and of course he doesn't want you to suffer.
Just be honest and straightforward. "I love kissing you but since you got your braces your breath has been really bad." He might just need a gentle reminder to take good care of his new braces. They are hard to clean, but they still need to be cleaned! It only causes trouble if they aren't.
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The Question
i recently got a pregnancy test after beng 4 days late for my period and it came out negative its now gone another 6 days and that means im 10days late on my period could i be pregnant and are the tests ever wrong???please write bak and answer my questions luv me xxxxxxxxxx
The Answer
Yes, the tests can be wrong. If you used it correctly you probably got the correct result, but there is no reason you can't buy another and double check if that will make you feel better.
Relax. Being ridiculously stressed can delay your period too, so chill out.
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The Question
Once you have an abortion is it not possible to have a baby again?
The Answer
Abortions can cause scaring inside the uterus or the top of cervix and scaring like that will make it more difficult or impossible to conceive and more difficult to give birth.
Not all abortions will cause that scaring though, and a doctor can check for most of the damage easily. Many women have normal, healthy pregnancies after abortions.
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The Question
My period was July 26th to July 31st. I was ovulating from August 4th to the 9th. I had sex the 4th, 5th, 6th, and twice on the 8th. I also expierenced this:Many mothers-to-be get a few days of bleeding right around the time that the early embryo is burrowing into the wall of the uterus. -But, this happened around the 4th & 5th. I have never bled after my period, I have very regular cycles. I dont know if this is all in my head because I want a baby so much or what. How soon can I take a pregnancy test? I'd like to today but not if it's to early and will just come back a negative.
The Answer
It's too early to take a pregnancy test; it will only come out negative.
The very earliest a home pregnancy test claims to be accurate is three days before the first day of your next period (very few brands make this claim, and the claim is pretty doubtful). Most pregnancy tests however, are only accurate after three days to a week after the first day of your missed period.
Taking it today would be a waste of your money.
So relax, keep yourself busy. Watch movies, read, cook, anything to keep your mind busy. No point in sitting and stewing. By my calculations, it makes no sense to even bother with a pregnancy test until after the 23rd of August and you can't completely trust the results until the 26th to the 30th.
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The Question
ok, me and my girlfriend are planning on having sex,and she is scared that the condom might break or she might get pregnant. i was wondering if i pull out soon enough and im using a condom if that would decrease the chances, even tho theres the pre cuming thing? and i was also wondering if there are any other precautions we could take besides for birth control?
The Answer
Sex is risky. Period. It just is.
There is no such thing as 100% safe sex. If your girlfriend isn't ready to accept those risks and enjoy herself anyways, then I'm sorry to say she isn't ready to have sex.
But your birth control plans are solid: Condoms are reasonably reliable used correctly (google 'how to put on a condom', learn it by heart, practice.) Pulling out might make her feel better, although it won't really decrease the risk much.
Birth control is, of course, a bit more reliable then condoms. Using both birth control and condoms, even more reliable.
Study the form of birth control you are going to use, and make sure you use it correctly. That's really all the reasonable precautions you can take. After that, you simply have to be mature enough to accept the inherent risk in the sexual act.
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The Question
People say it doesn't matter if you shave down there or not its your preference, but it seams no guy likes it when they dont. They also won't finger you or anything if you havent. What do you guys think? Do all guys think its gross? Also, why the hell do the girls have to shave but the guys dont!
The Answer
No, I can say from personal experience that not all guys dislike unshaven girls, but the majority seems to prefer shaving.
Of course no decent male would do anything but politely comment on his preference. Any male who calls any part of your body gross should never be allowed that near to your body ever again.
Why the hell do the girls have to shave but the guys don't?
*Ahem* My guy does.
Not that he has too, but he does, and I appreciate it.
It just takes guys a bit longer to come around to an equitable way of thinking when it comes to hair removal. But by all means, ask your guy this question, you'll learn some interesting things about his mindset.
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The Question
If I don't like a person for a good reason, usually my best friend doesn't either. (I'm not saying she has too, she just .. doesn't like them) She'll say bad stuff about them, totally hate them, and be completley rude to them. Then when I hate them the most, she'll go off and be friend with them and tell them she lied about not liking them for my sake.
It really sucks cause then those people hate me more, my best friend sucks up to them, and I'm left alone! What should I do?
The Answer
Stop talking nasty about people you don't like to this friend. Better yet, try not to talk nasty at all.
Then she has nothing to work with, no reason to suck up, and you'll be a better person for it.
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The Question
Does anyone know any bible verses about faith and doubt?? or just really good bible verses, i'd rather they were about faith and doubt tho. HURRY!
The Answer
If you are ever looking for any verse at all, just look here: http://www.biblegateway.com/
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The Question
This is going to sound crazy, but I get so grossed out when I'm on my period. I can't take looking at all the blood. It makes me gag and stuff. What should I do?
The Answer
Change your pads regularly, and you might find using tampons, if you don't already, makes you feel a bit cleaner.
You might also want to try shaving, or at least trimming your pubic hair. I know I feel a lot cleaner when there isn't any blood caught in the hair, and it seems to reduce the smell as well.
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The Question
ok. my brother keeps watching porne. i was making mac and chesse and i needed to go on the computer and i saw this one girl liek showin her boobs and naked and stuff. it seems so weird becuz my brother is so nice and smart you would never suspect it and everybody loves him. he got introuble with my mom and dad before and i dont want to tell them again. im worried because i dont want him to grow up and turn into this like rapist or whatever when he grows up. i dont know if i should have my 18 year old sister then again im not comfortable telling her. i dont know what to do. he watches all this stuff.please help me.
The Answer
There is nothing wrong with watching porn.
Repeat that over and over in your mind until it sinks in.
Many wonderful, kind, loving guys like to watch pornography. Rapists like to go out and rape people, not watch pornography. That's like saying because you like to eat bacon, you like to go out and torture little piglets to death. That simply isn't the way people work dear.
So look at your nice, smart, lovable brother, and remind yourself that good people can like porn. Someday, when you met the most wonderful guy you've ever known, you'll be a smart enough women not to flip out and leave him because he likes to stare at naked women every once and a while.
As long as he doesn't give up on other things because of porn, like school work or friends, then just keep what you know to yourself, and for your own peace of mind, give him some privacy.
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The Question
Is there such a thing as gay/lesbian dogs?
The Answer
Well, that depends on what you believe.
Dogs are one of a good number of animals that engage in what seems like homosexual behavior: big horn sheep, giraffes, macaques, and even a type of ape called bonobos.
A male dog will mount another male dog often enough. Some scientists will call this behavior homosexual, others scientists will claim this is just confusion on the dog's part, or a display of power that has nothing at all to do with sex.
He he, there are just no easy answers to questions like that, not in the human world or the animal one.
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The Question
My bf keeps telling me what girls hot, and etc. It lowers myself-esteem. How do I look sexxy, so he looks at me, more then them. How can i plan hard to get, for him to want me more. I just want him to want me still.. we've been together for a year and a half.. so dont go saying breakup. Its not that harsh.
((sorry if you've seen this question twice.. the other one got deleted.. sorry))
The Answer
How about you don't worry quite so much about changing yourself, and you ask him to do a bit of changing?
When it comes to guys (and even some girls) there is a simple rule to keep in mind: If they have eyes, they will look. Him looking at other women doesn't mean he doesn't like looking at you, it means he is a human male; it has absolutely nothing to with you. But if his comments about other women are bothering you, speak up about that. It isn't silly to politely ask your boyfriend to lay off talk that makes you upset.
Don't get me wrong, if you want to tease him, update your appearance, and feel sexier, Go For It! Practice your make-application, pick your clothes with more care, and give yourself more time before you see him to get ready, look good, smell good, and feel confident. Do what ever you think will work for you, buy the clothes you want, try anything new and above all stop worrying. Confidence is eye-catching, even when you are only pretending to feel confident.
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The Question
ok so a couple of weeks ago i was at the movies with a couple of friends. one of which i really like. so we started making out and "feeling" on each other. then he undid my belt and i sort of kicked him. and he was like "oh sorry is that too far?" and i said i dunno. so he
re-did my belt (it was the cutest thing ever) and we proceded with the "kissing and feeling". im 14. so my question is...should i have let him into my pants and such?
The Answer
You didn't want to. At that moment you choose not to. No problem.
If you want go further with him, make sure there is a next time, and make the first move.
If you want something, make it happen. If you don't want something, make it stop. The amazing thing about your body is that you are in total control of it.
Do worry too much about what he wants or what he expects. You are in control of the situation just as much (if not more) then he is. Last time you decided not to let him 'into your pants' if you aren't happy with that decision, you can make a different decision next time.
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The Question
Right. This could be a bit long.
For the last few days/weeks, I have been thinking about having a baby. Me and my boyfriend are very happy and it definatly looks like we will be together for a long time. He has mentioned before bout kids and stuff. but I always said to him that I would but not yet. I am only 17 years old and I have got a 2 year course at collage coming up. also i dont know if he would actually want a kid yet.
but I have been thinking and I would really love to have a kid.
Can someone please help me change my mind because I know I'm to young to have a kid and I probly wouldn't be able to cope. Even though I'm pretty sure my mum would help me out if I did have a child.
Please help me change my mind because I really want a kid but I am only 17.
Any advise would be brilliant.
Thanks
xXxXxXx
The Answer
Nobody else can change your mind babe. You already KNOW having a kid at seventeen is majorly daft idea. Not only daft, but exceedingly selfish. You know you wouldn’t be able to provide as well for the baby as you would be able to in several years AND you expect your mother will help you shoulder the burden of your poor decision. Maybe she would, but it's still selfish.
I don't think you'd be asking this question if you actually thought it was a good idea. So I'm not going to sit here and type out all the reasons you shouldn't have a baby, you already know them.
Own yourself, and take responsibility for your own thoughts. Your body might be crying out for a baby, but your brain knows way better. So, stop sitting around and pouting about the fact you shouldn't have a baby, you might as well sit about and pout over the fact you can't become a llama. It serves no purpose but to upset you and you are the only one who can make it stop.
Talking to your boyfriend might help knock some sense into you, I'd suggest doing it. It's great for two people in a serious relationship to know what the other wants from life in the long term. It's great to be connected in your hopes and aspirations. You can level each other, keep each other focused on the now, so you can achieve your goals together, later, when it isn't stupid.
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