Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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adviceman49
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My father has another wife and a kid in another country. He and my mom are not married but he comes over everyday for dinner when he's in the country which is most times and takes us out for dinner/vacations/everything a father does. He didn't tell me about this other wife and my sister. I found out on my own. I don't know what to do with it though. He's a great father. And I can't wrap my head around this. My mother knows but when she had me she didn't. He promised he'd marry her. But he didn't yet he still is around with her. He doesn't give her much money only when she really really needs it and even then its a loan. So she's not here for the money. Every weekend we go to his house and they don't sleep together they actually talk. Sometimes past midnight. So I'm guessing he loves her. But I can't fathom why he wouldn't marry her or divorce the other one. But I was hoping someone here can help me with it. I don't know what I should do with this information. What should I do with it? And also any ideas on why he's doing what he's doing? (link)
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well part of this answer depends on how mature you are. If your parents dont think your mature enough to not grow instantly angry then i would say go ahead and just say something when your all hanging around at your house talking.
Say things like: i really would have liked to have been told about this sooner because if theres siblings of mine on this earth i want to know them and be apart of their lives because i care.
NOT: WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME!!! and cursing and ranting.
They also might not be prepared within themselves to answer certain questions you might have so if you DO let them know that you know about this, then maybe just say something like "i just want to let you know that i know and we dont have to get into detail about it all right now and we can talk about it more whenever your ready but eventually it should be addressed and ask if they are ok with that.
good luck
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In a month and a few days I will be 24 years old. I have a boyfriend of four years, who I think is the perfect fit for me in so many ways. He stimulates me sexually, and I just love who he is as a person.
My ideal is for the two of us to be engaged and living together within a year or two, but there is something that is holding us back and it also hurts me because my favorite human in the world thinks that he is a horrible person for it. He has no drive, he suffers from incredible laziness.
This is affecting him with the 50 more pounds that he needs to lose, and with holding a job. Currently he's living with his mother, which is fine, he still has this semester and next semester before he gets to graduate.
Honestly, I blame his father for some of this shit. His father left him and his brother when they were two years old, and he chose drugs over them before he died when my guy was 15 years old. While my boyfriend's brother was always more independent, my boyfriend has always been dependent on people.
I know that my boyfriend is gaining greater self confidence in himself, and I'm so glad for it. Recently he took his shirt off during sex, which he has never done before. I was so happy, because I would constantly try to encourage him to fully get naked with me during sex.
For one, I feel like you're sharing all of yourself with a person, so why not let them see you naked? Personally, I have never had this issue, because all of the men who I have slept with have loved my body, and I actually find it uncomfortable to not take off your clothes.
Yet what's really upsetting me is that he tells me he's a shitty person, because he has no drive and he's lazy. I found out that he was let go from the two internships that he worked last summer for being too lazy.
I spoke to my 30 year-old best friend who was worse off than he is at his age. He told me that he became more driven because now he knows what he wants to do, which is work on his YouTube channel and create games. At one point, he went to architectural college and discovered that it wasn't really what he wanted to do.
How do I inspire my boyfriend to find his drive? The way that it's looking, this will affect me too as his future wife. I already know what I want to do, which is working in the analytical field, and my degrees will allow me to do this.
My boyfriend says that he wants to be a CPA, but yet he's offered internships, he finds himself slacking off in them. This is not good, because these positions might offer him full-time employment after college, which will be good for our future together. (link)
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Well it seems like hes a little too wrapped up in his own head right now to think about his future with you right now, which for a woman in the position your in is a bad thing because we as women usually want to know that our man is working toward an ultimate goal of securing your future together but if he doesnt know what he wants in life period then thats a huge issue.
It sounds like you need to have a talk with him, maybe stay at home one night and do whatever it is you can do that will relax him and get him to talk openly with you. Tell him you want the honest truth because your here to back him up on whatever it is he wants in life but you just wanna know what that is.
if he feels he can talk to you and that you wont jump up his rear end if he doesnt have an acceptable answer then he will tell you whats going on (not that i think you would im just saying).
Try to start asking him whats on his mind lately when your just sitting with him idle, not doing anything. Tell him he seems like hes kind of somewhere else and you just want to make sure everything is ok. He might really be going through something inside him right now and just isnt sure how to talk about it. He might be feeling lost in life and not sure where to go, because theres no reason why a previously "OK" person should now suddenly be acting this way.
to me with the weight gain and sudden lack of drive, this would DEFINITELY say something is up and you need to get it out of him asap, and try to help him fix it. Try to just act supportive though unless hes being totally unreasonable, make him think your trying to be compassionate and understanding so that you can get as much info out of him as you can before coming to a final decision about how you want to handle everything.
good luck ; )
Reply to your last response: Ok thats ok things can easily get misunderstood on here no worries ; )
It sounds like he may need some counseling, if this has been an on going thing hes been struggling with.
Other then trying to reassure him that his weight isnt THAT big of an issue, that its how you conduct yourself around others, and that we're ALL afraid of failure at some point in our lives in all things big AND small then there isnt really much else you can do for him.
Its up to him to WANT to make things work for a good future, whatever it takes. very few people actually wind up where they want to be when their older in life but we make the best of it because life is too short to sit on our duff's and feel sorry for ourselves. At least if he fails then he can say he tried at least, and didnt give up just because a few things here or there got in the way.
most people dont LOVE their jobs but you get out there and you do what you have to do to make money to support your family just like everyone else. i hope he CAN find something he loves and that hes good at (of course we ALL do) but its not at all uncommon if we dont. its real life thats all but at least at the end of a long day you get some come home to your family and thats what makes it all worth it.
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I'm a 22 year old male college student in California, (won't specify where) and for the longest time, I've been feeling very trapped in this college environment. I go to a school where they focus on casual sex, partying, etc. a lot, and as an introvert, I've always felt left out and actually a bit angry about the people around me. Especially since I haven't even kissed a girl for over four years.
However, just recently last week, I hooked up with a random girl from a club. Even though she was pretty, and I seemingly got what I wanted after all this time, I STILL feel unfulfilled, unhappy, and empty. I still feel the same way about the town I live in. I just want to move out of the state someone a little colder, more personal, and more genuine. Even after hooking up with a girl, I don't feel anything, I still feel lost, empty, and a bit sad. Why is this? (link)
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sounds like a few things are going on here. Question, number 1 on the list of things to ask yourself here: are you in college for something YOU want to do? aka (not something your family wants you to do or NOT something you would pick)
2: are you in any clubs, or have any common interests with other people? this would probably help you feel more welcomed and adjusted if you were.
and finally, just because you hooked up with a random girl doesnt mean your suddenly going to feel more fulfilled and happier, if anything this can leave someone who is otherwise good hearted, loving, and looking to be in a long term committed relationship feeling the exact same way YOU are right now. see where im going with this??
Your obviously in touch enough with your emotions for me to be able to tell that your a good, loving person thats probably just looking for someone to return that love.
try doing some things FOR YOU, that make YOU feel good, try finding people that share common interests with you but most of all try to stay positive. The vibes you give off to others makes a huge difference in your approach-ability from other peoples stand point and if your friendly and helpful and "seem chill and easy to talk to" people WILL gravitate towards that. ; )
good luck.
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First of all I'm 52 and I have never have an orgasm so I started masturbating because I wanted to see if I could reach an orgasm on my own but I haven't being able. I want to know why when I am feeling so excited this feeling of someone tickling me make me stop and I can't continue touching myself as mush as I really want to because I know I am close to get the orgasm. but I remove my hand because I just can't take that feeling of someone tickling me and it's really frustrating; what can do I do to be able to continue when I am feeling so good!! (link)
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get a good vibrator if you dont have one yet and try to learn to relax. im not trying to be a smart ass either but i really mean it. try to relax and shop online for a really good one. They also have this new toy called a sybian that allows you to sit on it and control it to your preferences. If your 52 and never had an orgasm then this thing will be your new best friend. Do some research on it before you buy obviously, and theres also video online that show you how they are used. they have different attachments and youll never have to worry about batteries because it plugs into the wall.
Thats the best i can think of advice wise other then its time to invest in YOU now and your personal happiness. your ALLOWED to feel good. we all are.
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Personally, I have been very miserable all of my life. I have suffered from OCD as long as I can remember. I moved from New York to Florida when I was five years old. It was very traumatic for me. I have tried to commit suicide, but I just ended up in a mental institution. I do see a psychiatrist, but she does not help me. In fact, I only see her for the medication. I am absolutely miserable right now, especially with my job. I decided that I will no longer give any types of hints about suicide because I don't want to end up in a mental institution again. That did nothing to help me. I am going through preparations (getting my house ready, cleaning, trying to pay off bills). (link)
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Killing yourself isnt going to solve anything first off, lets just start there.
You need more than just a psychiatrist and meds, you need a support system of people around you that want nothing but happiness for you and theres obviously something in your life that you need that your most likely missing. Look inward and ask "what is it that i need and am not getting here?"
Also be aware that some psychotropic meds can make a person MORE depressed and or worse then they were before. They arent full proof so dont think that they can or will cute everything. They are really just a shot in the dark.
Are the people in your life REALLY supportive of you? are you doing things that make you happy and doing them in a healthy way? these are all things that you should consider goals WORTH working on before you decide that suicide is the cure all here.
If moving back to where you lived before would make you happier then do it. If things are this bad then it sounds like that might be the best thing for you if thats what you feel would help.
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I have this teacher who screams like 30 times a day and scares the heck out of my whole class and were all scaered 2 talk 2 her. I dont know what to do. Also my teacher is so mean! Somtimes i come home with a headache because i try to hold in my tears. Can you give me ome advice to deal with mrs *******
(i want her to remain annonoymas (link)
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tell your parents and tell the principal whats going on and that all the other kids are afraid of her too!
theres no excuse for yelling and screaming at anyone.
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AGE 16 male.. I just bought condoms for me and my girlfriend. but where should I hide them From my parents. BTW my parents dont know we are having sex. (link)
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your 16, you have a girlfriend and your parents are assuming you havent or arent currently having sex then i must say they have to be extremely naive, or just in denial. lol.
but anyway, try hiding them between your matress and your box spring in your room. between some pages of a book or something that never would get looked through or get attention ever. maybe inside the base of a trophy or something thats hollow.
; )
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There's good and bad people in the world this I know. I'm not perfect either I can be a pest at times but I also care about people as well. I know that some people experience bad things that make them bad too. But for me how do you know if you're toxic or not? You may slip up every now and then but what if you wonder if you're toxic or not? Can you be toxic like a psychopath or narcissist or whatever and not know it? I ask this because I was friends with someone and one of their friend called me manipulative behind my back. All of sudden everyone is against me. She warped my every action from being social awkward to manipulation. In truth, I'm not good with people and I don't really understand how to connect with people without among it weird, but manipulating? I don't get it. I mean my friend saw it was lie. But for me it bothers me. It really bothers me. It makes me wonder what's real or not. I've become more cynical and questioned all. Are people really sincere or just back stabbing. What defines a good person? It's been a pain. I've been analyzing it like crazy but I can't find peace. (link)
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The truth is MOST people who ARE toxic usually dont know it and wouldnt want to admit to it either even if they could face knowing that there is something wrong with them.
Ive known PLENTY of toxic people in my lifetime and in that time ive learned a few things. Depending on the type of toxic they are:
When being in a relationship with a toxic person they can use love against you when theres things you dont agree upon as a tool to get what they want for fear that youll lose their love,approval,whatever.
When being in a friendship with someone toxic they can do the same thing to you as above, and not ONLY that but they can talk about you behind your back or twist things you say in order to make YOU look like the bad guy instead of them so that they can take on a "victim" role.
This sounds like what your friend did to you, for whatever reason (sometimes its jealousy that your totally unaware of) These are issues the person has with themselves and how they view the world and people around them. Their perception is often different and a bit skewed and can be negative or sad and this can make them a "damaged person" their using the hurt and pain from the past in the current and taking those feelings out on others. They are often times depressed, and or are dysfunctional in their personal lives with their family.
Whats REAL is a persons basic morals and values. Keep those strong, do the right thing when the chance presents itself and live by that. This will attract GOOD people into your life, and the others will naturally be repelled by you because they know they wont be able to measure up to such a good person. People will float in and out of your life as times change and events occur over the years that change them as a person and after they do, they will either grow stronger from it or will become someone who continues to do the things dysfunctional people do. You dont need these people in your life, they will belittle you and basically do anything they can to make you feel lower about yourself as a person because THEY are unhappy as a person and just want to spread the pain and hurt they've suffered.
I understand your feeling wounded right now, but the people who have turned on you still have brains of their own and if you do nothing to confirm the things your friend has said about you then they will start to not believe the things she says and you'll show them by you just being YOU that none of that stuff is true.
the only thing you can do right now is stay calm around them, act friendly still towards to others and claim when they say your this way or that way, that you dont know what their talking about and that you were just trying to be a good friend nothing more.
This girl doesnt sound like a very good friend so i would just stay away from her because she sounds like shes just looking for a reason to attack everything you do or say and thats not fair. shes obviously not your friend and i would tell her that in a calm polite manner. Dont worry about what she says back to you just STAY CALM this really does work trust me. Let her talk and say everything she wants to say and then say something like "oh ok well what you said was really hurtful and totally unnecessary so...." if she talks to you again.
it doesnt matter how angry someone gets with you over something, if YOU remain calm and quiet and let them talk until you can calmly say something back it will surprise them. Most people think they arent being listened to and are shocked when someone is at least willing to hear them out when they are upset. just try it. ; )
if someone says to you that your friend said this or that about you and asks you if its true say "idk what your talking about because i would never do something like that" and then leave it at that. Continue just being cool with people around you and everything will work itself out because nothing she says is coming true and eventually they will all see her as a lier.
good luck
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Hello, I'm twenty and my brother is twenty three; so my brother isn't so hugely into the bar scene anymore. Because of that, last weekend, we went to his friend's apartment and hung out. I like hanging out with these guys in particular, because they are all twenty as well so when all of our friends are out at the bar, which is quite a lot, we all get together and hang out. I've been to this house quite a few times with my brother, so I thought I knew everyone that lived there, but I was proven wrong.
All night, there was this cute guy that caught my eye multiple times so when he got off the couch and went to the bathroom, I asked my brother who he was and he said he's the other roommate, making four people living in the house. When he came back, my brother asked him if he wanted to go outside and smoke a cigarette, so they both went out. My friend that was there with me at the time said that he was cute and she definitely thinks he was hitting on me. So when they came back in, I introduced myself and he said "yeah, I was just telling your brother that I thought we had a class together freshman year" -- mind you, we're juniors now. So for a couple minutes after that, my friend and I were sitting on the stairs, really just sitting and listening to the conversation all of the guys were having, when we thought something was funny, we would snap chat it or something like that. Then someone texted me something and I wanted to show my brother, since I was on the bottom step and my brother was on the couch, there was a chair I had to lean over and of course, the cute guy was sitting on it, so I blatantly just leaned right over him to show my brother my phone and he didn't complain or anything, I could've sworn I even saw him smirk about it. A few minutes after that, this kid went up to get his computer to play music from and my brother got up to get a drink so there was only one kid on the couch, so my friend and I moved over to sit on the couch, for the sole purpose of the step starting to hurt our butts, a few minutes after that, my brother came back and sat on the chair so when the cute guy came back, he could only sit on the couch next to me, so he did.
We talked, he would elbow me and run his arm down mine, he'd grab at my hand or just look over and smile at me. There were times when the first guy that was sitting on the couch would take my phone and the two of them would snapchat selfies and put them on my story. About an hour on the couch and just hanging out, he gave me his phone with the new contact page up, so I put my number in and gave it back.
He texted me a few minutes later to go "peek in his room real quick" - mind you, they are a bunch of hippies, if I hadn't mentioned, lol. But I didn't get the text right away so I didn't answer and he didn't push it.
Well, my brother started to get cranky and I was the one that drove him so I had to take him home because when he gets cranky, he will always get his way - mostly because he just doesn't shut up until he does. So, I started to get my things together, my brother took my keys to go warm up the car and as I was walking to the door, one of the roommates said the cute guy was through the back door with one of his other roommates smoking a cigarette and if I go out the front, I'll miss him but I didn't really want to keep my brother waiting so I left, just thinking I'll shoot him a quick text.
So, I got to my car and got my brother and friend and all of our things inside and I texted him quick that I'll see him again whenever my brother wants to come back. Well, long story short, he told me I'm welcome there even if my brother doesn't go, that he's glad he stuck around that night and that we met (he usually goes to concerts on the weekend), he told me I'm super cute, he asked me to call him when I get home, he told me I should go back and hang out the next night after I go to the hockey game and my friend and I agreed, he even replied that he was looking forward to it.
When I got my brother home to his house, his roommate was there and he was drunk and it was just a mess trying to deal with both of them all while still texting this guy. But, it was nice talking to him because he was being pretty cool about it all, he was actually helping me deal with the both of them. It got to be about 5:00 am when I finally got back to my place, I was still texting this guy, I grabbed a shower when I got home and just fell asleep after. I woke up to a text from him that said goodnight.
Now, it's a week after this all happened and I haven't heard from him since. He didn't even text me the night after to go over to his place or to meet up. Granted, I could've asked him what he was doing and I did think about doing just that but then I thought it would be weird because it's his place and I didn't want to invite myself. However, I did text him the next day to try not to have too much fun at his work shift and he texted me back and he said "oh yeah, I'll try lol" but that was it. And it's like, my brother and I go there a lot and I don't know, now I think it might be weird.
I think I'm just confused why he hasn't even texted me once since.
And please, do not be afraid to hurt my feelings, I didn't grow feelings for this kid in one night, I just thought he was cute and that he was a cool person to hang out with. So, if you think all he wanted was sex, you can go right ahead and say it, because honestly, that's what I've been thinking.
Any input is appreciated.
Thanks! (link)
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well thank you first off for that very longggg long story. lol. ; )
anyway, no it would no be weird to text him and ask him how hes doing and see what his responses are. then say "hey i thought we were gonna chill sometime!" ; )
it sounds like he DOES like you but it also sounds like you need to hang out another time or two, to really see what hes like and if he actually does just want sex from you.
Everything sounds pretty innocent so far and it sounds like you need more to go on before thinking that he just wants sex.
good luck ; )
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She has a car of her own and she is renting out the minivan right now and said she would take it back when I got my license to help me out. She would never tell me any of this information about her income and how much she makes ever. She is very stubborn abad will yell at me and ask why I'm so concerned, there's now way that's even a possibility to ask her about that stuff (link)
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Ok well then if thats the case then theres nothing you can do. I WOULD however be more persistent about knowing where your college money went. that money was earmarked for you and should not be taken and used for something else unless it was absolutely needed for your family to survive.
If shes automatically defensive like that then shes most likely hiding something and or doesnt take what your saying seriously about helping with bills. In which case you need to make her get serious about you and what role you play in the family when it comes to money.
If theres ABSOLUTELY no way you can ask her when shes in a good mood and you can stay calm the WHOLE TIME, whats going on money wise then theres nothing you can do. Youll have to save up and move out because she may just be one of those types of parents that believes you have no right to know anything about whats going on and what she chooses to spend her money on (which i believe isnt right at all).
She should have been guiding you from the beginning about money so that as an adult you would be capable of managing your own money once you were older and had to start paying your own way for things. How else are you supposed to learn how to spend money responsibly if she wont show you how to pay bills and what goes into managing a household?
This is her job as a parent and shes clearly not interested in raising you to be able to do so. If i were you i would tell her that, and that someday youll have to manage your own house and that these are things you need to know.
tell her she doesnt have to get defensive, your just asking because of the reasons i mentioned above. Give her some time to think on it and if she still doesnt get back to you.
Then use every opportunity you get to ask "but how can we afford this?!? when she comes home with things. start asking questions and making her accountable like this.
She might just need to see more that you have a vested interest in knowing what goes on with things. Show her that you are capable of critical thinking as well as practical. If she brings home something that would normally be expensive, ASK how did you get the money to pay for that when we can barely afford gas for the cars? or your buying this or what when we have this other bill to pay?!?
Or "we should sell this and use the money to pay for this or that"
see? its perfect.
over time she'll see that your not going to let up and that your mature and ready to know how your household works. ; )
good luck sweetie
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pardon the title, I couldn't think of anything better to title this.
so to make a long story short, my best friend's gone to another school and as happy as I am for her, I miss her so much already. Call it stupid but it's true. She was the one who got me through my worst moments, kept me stable, kept me smiling...she was the best of me. I know you're all going to be thinking "it's a part of life" but listen, try to see this from my perspective. She's the one who made me happy and as cliche as this sounds, she was the best part of me and I couldn't thank her enough for everything she's done for me. She never found out (or so I believe she never knew) how I really felt about her. I liked her at first glance and after awhile, I fell in love with her. It's better she didn't know because she was taken any way and I respect her enough to back off. It's pretty stupid I'm crying over the fact we're apart....we said our goodbyes today and I'm going to miss her. I don't know what to do about people asking me about her. I'm scared I'll break down in front of them (link)
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Im not sure what you meant by you "fell in love with her" are you a guy or a girl that likes this girl?
secondly, how far has she moved? cant you still do things and spend time with her outside of school?
youll be ok, just continue to keep in touch with her. Show her how much you value her friendship and she will see that and do the same in return.
she can still be your closest friend even though shes not at school with you everyday. Shes probably going thru alot right now too trying to adjust to a whole new school so right there youve got conversation and things to talk about like how her day went and all that.
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pardon the title, I couldn't think of anything better to title this.
so to make a long story short, my best friend's gone to another school and as happy as I am for her, I miss her so much already. Call it stupid but it's true. She was the one who got me through my worst moments, kept me stable, kept me smiling...she was the best of me. I know you're all going to be thinking "it's a part of life" but listen, try to see this from my perspective. She's the one who made me happy and as cliche as this sounds, she was the best part of me and I couldn't thank her enough for everything she's done for me. She never found out (or so I believe she never knew) how I really felt about her. I liked her at first glance and after awhile, I fell in love with her. It's better she didn't know because she was taken any way and I respect her enough to back off. It's pretty stupid I'm crying over the fact we're apart....we said our goodbyes today and I'm going to miss her. I don't know what to do about people asking me about her. I'm scared I'll break down in front of them (link)
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sorry i accidentally posted that twice.
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Does anyone have any ideas for what to do for Valentine's Day when you and your boyfriend (college students) are flat broke? I'm talkin' scraping change off the floorboard of your car broke. Is there anything we can do that doesn't cost money? Should we float Valentine's Day until we can afford to celebrate it well? Is there a way we can get some money (even just a little) fast? (link)
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ok heres a few things ive done before.
sell some stuff on craigslist that you dont use for money for vday. then use the cash for that for something small together, like going to star bucks and trying a new drink (sharing it of course) or go to a second hand store that buys "vintage" clothes and see if they'll buy some of yours for cash.
go to a public place that has roses or flowers, bring your scissors and snip a few off when no ones looking. honestly its not that big a deal and no one will care if you just take like one or two.
AKA put a thing of flowers together YOURSELF then bring it home and put it in a vase for the both of you to enjoy. instead of the flowers being for one person or the other it can be for the both of you, just dont do this WITH him, it might make him feel weird about it, itll be more like a surprise.
Or ask someone you know that has a garden if you can have a few flowers from theirs. ; )
clean up where you live (if you live together) and set the flowers somewhere, where you can both enjoy them.
If you can only get a few dollars, why dont you pop for having his car washed and or vacuumed out? just as a gesture of caring.
When it comes to valentines day really its not about the money its about showing your partner how much you still care about them, so REALLY anything you can do even if its a small gesture is fine. Anything that makes their life a little easier even if its just for the moment really can make a difference.
If you have no money and you OWN a vacuum then take the thing out to his car, get some extension cords and clean the car out yourself! thats free!
Take a drive to the beach near sunset?
anything thats free that you dont NORMALLY do together could work.
offer to clean someones house for a few bucks?
if you really wanna do something where money is needed though, find some stuff you dont use anymore and sell it on craigslist for cheap, or find a family member that had some stuff they dont need and tell them you could really use it and ask if you can have it then sell it.
cook dinner if you can at your house.
these are just a few ideas, try to do things that are different from what you normally do with him in a generous manner.
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Recently I have noticed some changes in regards to my pet budgie.
1. Puffed up feathers
I'm not sure of it's a sign of sickness or him being cold
2. Loss of balance
He seems to be falling off his perches more often
3. Constantly having his eyes closed
I can't tell if he's sleeping or not
4. Slight rocking back and forth
I think I will try and go to a vet but I wanted some feedback. Also, are there any way I can get cheaper treatment for him? I am a student and don't have much money right now. (link)
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maybe he has bird flu haha just kidding.
it does sound like hes sick though. you could always just CALL the front desk at the vets office and ask if he needs to be seen. tell them his symptoms and they should tell you weather or not what your talking about sounds normal.
Budgies also can get lonely, it might be good to get him a buddy if he doesnt have one.
Also (i used to have 3 budgies) and him rocking on his perch and not being active doesnt sound right to me. it sounds like his sense of balance is off and hes not feeling well. get him seen asap or at least call the front desk of a vet office and ask if he needs to be brought in. usually they will tell you if theres anything you can do from home to help him get over it, as not all vet places are out to get your money. until then i would keep him in a warm place and put a towel over the cage so he can rest in a quiet place in your house somewhere. keep checking on him as well and maybe go to pet smart to their bird section and see if they have anything like vitamins or things that will help him get over whatever this is faster. ; )
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I'm pissed as I can be. I'm wondering if I'm wrong.
I'm a woman in love with a guy. He says he loves me too. Blah blah.
Anyways he gets sexy photos from me and all. But his page is covered with photos of nearly naked women.
He recently followed on his Instagram a page of girls sending private selfies. He also follows porn stars and of course my Instagram is covered with these photos. I've confronted him about this and he tells me to stop being jealous because they are other beautiful women in the world and he can look all he wants. And I can't say or do anything... It pisses me off. I don't think that this right. Especially since we are talking about getting married.
Let me ask. Am I paranoid or is he just a lustful idiot? Pardon me. But I think he has a problem. He seems to be getting worse. Everyday my "photos you may like " page are getting more explicit. I'm not happy. Fine. I understand they are pretty girls in the world. But he seems to want more and more of these type of women and he likes to look and look and look. It disgusts me.
I can't bring it up again. But it bothers me.
What is it going to be like when we get married? Is he going to sleep with me and then go look at half naked girls on the internet? Looking at close ups of boobs and asses? It bothers me. And I can't do much here. But honestly. I think he has a problem.
How do I handle this? (link)
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Its ok to look but not touch, and it certainly shouldnt CONSUME a large part of his life. Men are men and yes they WILL look but shouldnt be doing it when your RIGHT THERE or be making it blatantly obvious either. thats just rude and disrespectful to you.
Try watching porn together, you might find that it enhances your sexual experience with him, youll fantasize about the man and he can do so with the woman but it will still be you and him. My husband of 6 years does not look at porn or pictures of other woman but i AM a model so i guess to him im all he needs which is nice but it puts more pressure on me to look perfect see? so the grass can always look greener somewhere else.
You cant expect men to at least not just LOOK but doing it in a discrete momentary way is okay. Women look too and we all know it so chastising him for looking and doing basically the same thing we do is a bit hypocritical. you know down in your deepest of hearts that you DO look at other men even if its just for a moment so dont try to play like you dont. we're all human and we all have eyes and you'd be lying if you tried to say otherwise.
I would agree with you though that maybe he COULD stand to "tone it down a bit" and not be SO out there with it. Also paying for the services after your married will NOT be an option period, discussion over on that one (for me at least) there are far more important things you two could be saving up for or spending money on then things like that.
I dont know how long the two of you have been together because you didnt mention it but to ME this would certainly be a sign that hes showing me that im NOT the only one he wants and clearly hes not that invested in the relationship if hes going to be so out there about this kinda thing because he cant be that dumb to think that some women really dont appreciate the kind of things hes doing. I personally would be thinking that hes the type that would be weak enough to cheat on me with any other women that came his way and was sweet on him enough that he would fall for it if thats what HER intention was and she could easily seduce him and he wouldnt be able to control himself because he obviously cant even control his habits around you enough to just tone it down a bit.
usually only men who are single will openly have/display/ or pay for sexually explicit photos like what youve described and i would be thinking hes trying to live like hes single still even though hes not and thats ALSO worrisome to me. If this is the case then i would def. postpone any wedding plans until i could further watch him and see just how dedicated to showing you how much YOUR the center of his world and no one else is.
alot of times men who obsess over women (even though they are current with someone) are more susceptible to cheating because they just cant control themselves if some girl comes along, likes him back, wants him, and tries to flirt and seduce him and thats all it takes. He'll know its wrong but the rush of it all can be overwhelming. ive known these sorts of men and they can never seem to keep a girlfriend because their so caught up in the photos and the porn and the gawking at other women who have no interest in them that they cant see whos right in front of them and get their priorities straight. If he is this kind of man then he will spend his life alone and just obsessing over the photos because thats all he can get.
update to your feedback. thank you for letting me know that you would feel guilty for making the slightest glance at another man but at the same time you are asking a bit much of what sounds like a weak minded man that cant help himself but to indulge in such things. I too am happy with what i have, and ive been married for years but in within human nature to look and have thoughts about others, no matter what those thoughts are. The only way you would be able to keep him from having thoughts about others would be to severely isolate him from anyone and thats not healthy and will only lead to resentment against you. he has to want to change and if he doesnt then its up to you where to go from there after speaking with him on this matter.
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I recently had sex with a guy on Jnauary 17th, he came inside me. My period ended on the 9thof Jnauary, not too sure when I ovulated. A week later on the 26th of January I had sex with my ex, he came inside me as well. I took a pregnancy test on Saturday the 7th of February because my period was late & it came out positive & it was one of those clear blue ones that tell you how many weeks since ovulation. It said 1-2 weeks, im working things out with my ex & I really hope it's his! Please give me advice on WHOS baby you think it is? (link)
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yup, come clean with your ex if your really want things to work out. thats the only way. Technically you wernt together and if you wernt sure if you would ever get BACK together then its kind of not your fault. On the other hand you shouldnt just let guys nut in you, your basically asking for STD's.
on birth control or using a condom is the only what the above should be happening. Also being a long term serious relationship is best because if you get tested and lets say HES cheated on YOU, the test will show you proof of that by the test if you got tested before and didnt have anything and now you do see? so there are many benefits to being in a long term situation.
I hope that it works out for you, but as a female being promiscuous is not going to work out to your benefit trust me. Things like this continue to happen when females mess around, especially without protection. TRUE using protection works but theres still a risk of failure so why risk it??
good luck sweetie ; )
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This advice is over complicated, i don't have time to do that. And it would be very hard for me to help pay for some of the expenses since the job i work at is part time and minimum wage. My father didn't pay child support and my brother has a different dad from me and we don't know where his dad is. He ran away from home when my brother was a baby. I would also like to say that I would like to start saving my money for stuff for me later on in life like when i get my license, i must pay for half the car insurance and gas on a huge gas wasting minivan. Take these into account with my situation as well. (link)
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ok so what exactly are you asking about then?? lol
youve told us your situation but didnt ASK anything really....
about the minivan would whoever your sharing it with consider down grading and selling the car for something for gas efficient??
also start saving by putting a little bit of each pay check away everytime you get paid. it doesnt have to be one set amount everytime if thats too hard on you since there will probably be certain times where you need more money then others but ten or 20 bucks here or there WILL add up over just a few months time. dont look at the amount thats in the bank just keep putting it in there for about a year and youll be surprised at the end.
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Thanks for the advice, theres definitely something she's hiding because $10,000??? Thats a lot of money! She wants to be able to be in contact with my brother because he's in middle school now and we don't have a home phone. It's a lot of stress for me because she has no right to take my college money, that was left for me, i have like barely any money left in my account and now i have to rely more on scholarships. (link)
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that sucks, but what i think you should still do is try using the old "well i would like to help with bills if it makes things easier for us" and "but i need to know whats going on moneywise so that i can help where its most needed"
just tell her whatever she needs to hear to get her to spill whats REALLY going on with finances. I would confront her about the missing college fund money but not in a defensive way. try to be nice and approach her when shes in an ok mood to talk. maybe even ASK "can we talk for a minute? i noticed this the other day and i thought i remembered my college fund being more then this? did we need to take money out to pay bills or something??" and say it in a concerned but friendly manner and give her time to explain herself. whatever happens STAY CALM because when it comes to money adults can automatically feel like your attacking them and will try to accuse them of not knowing how to spend their own money or of mismanagement.
Getting angry or yelling back will only fuel the fire and the discussion will go nowhere.
maybe your mom had to use that money to get the condo you now live in.
i understand the need for cell phone if you dont have a house phone (most people rarely do now, cell phones are just easier) but during your discussion with your mom you might be able to talk to her about cutting back on certain areas "JUST FOR NOW" until you guys can get yourselves straightened out money wise. ; ) good luck sweetie.
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I'm fourteen and I'm dating a seventeen year old boy. We've been dating for a month and the other day he fingered me and I gave him a hand-job but it was all in the moment so I didn't even have time to think if I was ready for it or not. I'm scared to go against his needs but he tells me all the time to tell him if we are going too fast. He keeps hinting now on sex jokes and I never know how to respond. Does that mean he wants to have sex soon? What do I do? (link)
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Well what you did by starting to become sexually active with him is getting him as a guy on a certain track of mind where actual sex is now on his mind and hes probably thinking based on what your telling us that real vaginal sex will be the next step for you guys unless you say your still not ready.
So maybe for now just dont bring it up, let the jokes roll off your back, and if he tries to get you to have anything other then oral or hand job sex then say your not ready. when your together like this and say your not ready in such a close intimate environment with him, he most likely wont want to push you. if he does then hes not worth it and he doesnt deserve you and hes selfish and only thinking of himself.
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Okay, so, my mom is a single mother and she works two jobs and somehow she has no money for anything. I understand its hard to be a single mother, but its out of control. She has two jobs, she doesn't pay for a lot of stuff for me anymore, she's making me pay for my phone bill and my brothers phone bill (he's 11, I'm 18), I just started my first job a month ago. We live in a condo, and she's still paying for mortgage and she's behind on the monthly dues. I don't understand where all her money is going. She makes me do everything around the house and she gets mad at me so easily. I just recently saw an envelope with my college fund money and its 10,000 dollars less than it was before and I have a strong feeling that she took it out and spent it. I don't know what she spent it on and she says we still do not have money. We live in a two bedroom condo and currently house foreign exchange students to help pay for our house even though we own the condo. I sleep in my moms bed with her. If I want my own room again, I have to pay rent which is ridiculous. I'm just so confused about where all this money is going and I just want to know how you guys feel about my situation! Thank you! (link)
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what you might try to do is get her to sit down with you and write down all the bills and then her weekly pay checks and yours. Tell her that youd LIKE to help with bills like paying your own way on things slowly until your totally self-efficient but you both have to be able to figure out together what the bills are each month and use that as a way to get her to spill to you item by item, one by one, what bills are what, the amounts, if shes behind in any, and this will help you to figure out where the money is going.
pretend that your going to start helping too and thats why your curious, have a paper and pen there with her so that when your talking you can write down everything and then if you find out that she has left over money and you dont understand where its going youll have license to ask her "ok so this isnt adding up after each pay check you have this much left, where is that going towards?"
try to understand too that as an adult having to buy EVERY little thing for yourself and two kids adds up. It may not seem like it but it can add up quickly, the prices of things are rising, food for the house, food eating out, gas for cars you or her might have, car payments, all that.
Also if you can try to talk to her about trimming back on certain things that may not be totally necessary right now. for example (at least in my eyes) an 11 year old doesnt need a cell phone, and if you guys are that bad off then he can live without it for a while and use the regular house phone until finances can be straightened out and theres money that can be freed up for a phone for him.
cable and internet are too very pricey, think about looking for a cheaper service provider for that, if you have things you can sell to pay any extra bills that you all arent using and its just taking up space, hey put that up on craigslist and get rid of it.
At the end of the day its all about adapting to fit your situation. if your mom has a newer car that shes making payments on then she needs to either get herself out of it to free up some money or sell the car to someone who will take over the payments and get herself a used car that will get her around just the same and not be a burden.
think long and hard about the things your seeing her buy, look for receipts after she comes home from being out, eat at home more so its cheaper and ask her more and more about bills and whats going on with things money wise. if she puts up a defense she may have something to hide that she doesnt want you to know about like having spent some of your college fund in order to help you guys survive.
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