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Mom issues
Okay, so, my mom is a single mother and she works two jobs and somehow she has no money for anything. I understand its hard to be a single mother, but its out of control. She has two jobs, she doesn't pay for a lot of stuff for me anymore, she's making me pay for my phone bill and my brothers phone bill (he's 11, I'm 18), I just started my first job a month ago. We live in a condo, and she's still paying for mortgage and she's behind on the monthly dues. I don't understand where all her money is going. She makes me do everything around the house and she gets mad at me so easily. I just recently saw an envelope with my college fund money and its 10,000 dollars less than it was before and I have a strong feeling that she took it out and spent it. I don't know what she spent it on and she says we still do not have money. We live in a two bedroom condo and currently house foreign exchange students to help pay for our house even though we own the condo. I sleep in my moms bed with her. If I want my own room again, I have to pay rent which is ridiculous. I'm just so confused about where all this money is going and I just want to know how you guys feel about my situation! Thank you!
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You don't say where your father is in all this. If your parents are divorced then child support for you ended when you turned 18 but should still be being paid for your brother.
The previous writer had a good idea which I'm going to elaborate on in a bit. First lets talk about the College fund. That money should not be sitting around in an envelope in a draw it should be in a Bank earning interest. IF this is your money not moms money or money your parents have been saving for college for you then I suggest you take it to a bank and open a savings account in your name only. You are legally an adult at age 18 and do not need a parent as co-owner on any bank account.
As to the family finances. It just may be that mom is not a good money manager. Maybe in the past dad handled all the finances. What I suggest you do is talk to mom and ask her if you can help with the family fiancés. Tell her you're working now and you would like to help but only if you can see where money is going and needs to go. TO do this you need to know what is coming in and what is going out.
The first thing you need to know is how much money you have to work with. She needs to tell you how much her take home pay is from her two jobs plus any child support. If she is not receiving any child support and dad is still in the picture, then this is something we need to cover and will in a bit.
Once you have moms take home pay for each check she receives multiply it times the number of checks she receives each month. This gives you her monthly income. Put you monthly income in a separate column.
Next in a separate column write down all the monthly expenses starting with the mortgage and the utilities, phone bills, internet, cell phones, gas for the car, car insurance, health insurance if not supplied from one of her employers. Monthly food expenses, estimate other expenses like co-pays for medicine, doctor and dentist visits and any other NEEDED expenditures.
Add up the total of monthly expenses if it exceeds moms income start eliminating unnecessary expenses starting with your brothers cell phone. There is no necessity for an 11 year old to have a smartphone. If mom wants him to have a cell phone for emergencies so she can reach him or him her. There are children's emergency cell phones which allow calls to other cell phones or land line plus 911. They are very inexpensive and can be had on a prepaid basis.
Dry cleaning can be cut back on by wearing more sash and wear clothing. Internet and cable TV are nice but not a necessity, Hula is a less expensive alternative to cable TV. If her grocery shopping includes name brand products switch to store brands. I know for a fact they are less expensive and just as good, sometimes even better then the name brand.
Once you have done this you have hopefully brought the total expenditure down to at least equal to her income or less than her income. Now look at your income. IF there is say a difference in what is now the budget a surpluses for her of $50 if you are able to give her $150 dollars so she has a monthly surplus of $200 or $50 a week. This is important as a budget is just that a budget. She needs a surplus each week to get her through for unexpected expenditures.
The rest of what you earn is yours which you put in your checking account, NOT in an envelope in a draw around the house where she can find it. With your checking or savings account the bank with give you an ATM card so you will be able to get cash when you need it.
Child support: If dad is still alive and not paying child support then mom needs to see a lawyer and take him to court. It is the law that until your brother is 18 he must pay child support. There are ways the law can force him to pay. The can attach earning, the can attach his tax refund. They can take away his license to drive and even revoke the registration on his car. His passport can be revoked and he can even be jailed, If mom cannot afford a lawyer she can have one appointed for her by the courts. All she needs to do is go see the clerk of the District Court.
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what you might try to do is get her to sit down with you and write down all the bills and then her weekly pay checks and yours. Tell her that youd LIKE to help with bills like paying your own way on things slowly until your totally self-efficient but you both have to be able to figure out together what the bills are each month and use that as a way to get her to spill to you item by item, one by one, what bills are what, the amounts, if shes behind in any, and this will help you to figure out where the money is going.
pretend that your going to start helping too and thats why your curious, have a paper and pen there with her so that when your talking you can write down everything and then if you find out that she has left over money and you dont understand where its going youll have license to ask her "ok so this isnt adding up after each pay check you have this much left, where is that going towards?"
try to understand too that as an adult having to buy EVERY little thing for yourself and two kids adds up. It may not seem like it but it can add up quickly, the prices of things are rising, food for the house, food eating out, gas for cars you or her might have, car payments, all that.
Also if you can try to talk to her about trimming back on certain things that may not be totally necessary right now. for example (at least in my eyes) an 11 year old doesnt need a cell phone, and if you guys are that bad off then he can live without it for a while and use the regular house phone until finances can be straightened out and theres money that can be freed up for a phone for him.
cable and internet are too very pricey, think about looking for a cheaper service provider for that, if you have things you can sell to pay any extra bills that you all arent using and its just taking up space, hey put that up on craigslist and get rid of it.
At the end of the day its all about adapting to fit your situation. if your mom has a newer car that shes making payments on then she needs to either get herself out of it to free up some money or sell the car to someone who will take over the payments and get herself a used car that will get her around just the same and not be a burden.
think long and hard about the things your seeing her buy, look for receipts after she comes home from being out, eat at home more so its cheaper and ask her more and more about bills and whats going on with things money wise. if she puts up a defense she may have something to hide that she doesnt want you to know about like having spent some of your college fund in order to help you guys survive.
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