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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Is it illegal like if say theres a couple and the girl sends the guy nude pics and there under the age of 18? Cause my friend gets them alot just from his girlfriends and i was curious??
The Answer
In some there are allowances for that kind of behavior between minors who are close in age. In other states both parties could be charged with possession or trafficking in child pornography (if they are under 13) or sexual interference or something like that if they are between 13 and 18.
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The Question
does anyone know how likely it is for a u.s. marine to die? Does anyone have a rate or a percentage or like a _ out of ten number? please this is really important.
The Answer
It's rather difficult to find those sort of numbers for the general marine population, but thanks too the war in Iraq there are numbers avliable for the marines deployed there.
The death rate for marines, in active and reserve, in Iraq is 8.5 per 1,000.
To put that in perspective, that is about the same death rate as the entire civilian population of the US. In 2003 8.42 people per 1,000 people died. Of course that includes the elderly and such, who tend not to serve in the army. You would expect that young men and women, who make up most of the army, would have a lower death rate then the general population. I just wanted to give you an idea of a 'normal' death rate.
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The Question
Well I have a great bf, and I love him a ton. My best friend keeps saying that I never talk to him, and she says I know nothing about him. I talk to him on the phone every night, and in school we sit next to eachother. So today walking out of a class my best friend is like ask him how he did on the test, cuz u guys never talk. And I told her that I didn't need her help talking to my bf!! And she should stay out of it. She kind of got annoyed but we both let it go. But she keeps doing it!!! She says she talks to him more than I do. I guess they talk a lot too. But I talked to my bf about it and he was like well yah me and her do kind of talk more, but I talk to you enough. And then he said I guess me and her talk more because I don't have to worry about what to say when I am talking to her. And I Dont know what he meant by that!!! Do you guys think that I was being too harsh on my best friend?? And what did my bf mean by what he said!???
Thanks a ton.
The Answer
It's is pretty obvious, to me anyways, what is happening here.
The three of you are trapped in a very fun little game of broken telephone. Your friend and boyfriend talk about your relationship. She understands what he says in one way, and tries to hint you in that direction (not very subtly either!). But there is no way to know if she understood him correctly! There is also no way to know if he is just isn't being honest with you about what he wants.
Break the cycle. Tell your friend in no uncertain terms to butt out of your relationship. It’s cool she has a friendship with both of you, but she needs to learn to keep those friendships separate and not put herself in the middle where she is only causing everyone stress. Tell her if she really wants to help your relationship with you boyfriend, that she should encourage him to come to you with things he has to say, NOT to interfere herself or try to make you do all the work.
As for what your boyfriend meant, I don’t have a clue, but I would bet he isn’t really sure either. You both sound a bit nervous in your relationship (and your friend’s meddling certainly isn’t helping matters!) Tell him if he has something to say you really wish he would say it, because the pressure your friend has been putting on you has really got you worried and you want to deal with any problems. If he says there aren’t any problems, believe him, and let it drop, but gently remind him, if there are ever any problems, you guys are in this together, and he can talk to you about them. Hearing about trouble from other people is just scary and confusing.
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The Question
Someone I know took 8 Midol and 8 Ibeprofin. (Sorry for spelling).. What is going to happen? Are they going to be okay?
The Answer
Call poison control immediately!
1-800-222-1222
That is The National Poison Control Center. If you live in the states call them.
Midol and Ibuprofen have very similar active ingredients. That many pills, depending on the strength could be a rather serious overdoes. Symptoms of overdosing on ibuprofen include vomiting, profuse sweating, severe abdominal pain, seizures, confusion, sedation, insomnia, hallucinations, and an irregular heartbeat. That last one is life threatening, so get the person to call poison control. Only a person with appropriate training will be able to tell you if what they did was simply dumb or if they need to call an ambulance.
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The Question
My housemate just came home with a chinchilla.
I have borderline severe asthma. I'm allergic to everything with fur and feathers. They didn't consult with me before getting it because "they're hypoallergenic pets".
I've been doing research, and apparently they're not. I'm not just allergic to dander; I'm allergic to saliva, which, oddly enough, ends up in the air.
I'm really ticked off that they didn't talk to me first, knowing what my condition was like (this same guy brought two cats to the house TWICE to stay for weekends, and I ended up in the hospital because of it).
Am I right in being annoyed?
Has anyone been in the same situation (housemate with a pet they're allergic to) and have any tips on how to keep my next 3 years from being miserable?
The Answer
Right at being annoyed? Absolutely.
You would also be right in making her get rid of it. Putting your foot down on their horrible behavior would be the way to make your next three years not miserable.
I don't care if her whole family just died and she decided to name it after her dead mother. Bringing a pet into a house with someone who has severe allergies is ignorant and cruel. If you've made a hospital trip in the past due to their insensitivity then it isn't as though they aren't aware. Tell them they were wrong about it being hypoallergenic and to take the chinchilla back immediately. Tell them you have no problem with them getting a pet, but you need to be involved in the decision and it must be a pet you can co-exist with. After all, it's your home first, and the pet comes second.
Donâ??t let them keep it a day longer, they will simply get attached and they will have learned that they can walk all over you and ignore your very serious allergies. I promise you, if you let this slide, you will be having a whole bunch more feline guests over, because you will have given these fools the idea that is okay.
It sounds like you are a student, so there may be some resources, a housing or counseling office you can get in touch with if you find you need some adult help in mediating this discussion. Any sensible mediator will tell your roommates the same thing I am telling you: The chinchilla must go.
Also, in most states, a roommate bringing in something that makes it a toxic or hazardeous living enviroment for you would be a valid reason to break a lease. Of course, you don't want it to go that far, but worse case, talk to your landlord, or better yet, a lawyer.
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The Question
if you report an abuse report and accidentally
ex out before you add it to your favorites, is
there a way you can go to your account and
find the abuse report to see if any action ever
gets taken? or any way at all to find the abuse
report again? thanks in advance! i'll take any
thing.
The Answer
If you go the report abuse page (right here: http://www.advicenators.com/abuse.php) you can see that the last line of writing before you actually fill out the abuse form says "To check up on reports you've already submitted, click here."
So click there :) and you will see every abuse report you've ever made.
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The Question
I have always had very vivid and memorable dreams, most of which are completely bizarre and all of which somehow seem to be more real than the waking world. This is all well and good and often a lot of fun, but sometimes I will dream about people I know doing strange things and find my attitude towards them completely changed when I wake up, or I will have an unsettling dream which will leave me with an underlying feeling of fear or sadness or anger all day. I try to tell myself it was just a dream and dismiss it, but the intensity of the feelings often linger all day, despite what I tell myself, so I'll spend the day feeling unnecessarily angry, upset, confused, disgusted, jealous, paranoid etc. etc.
Do you have any advice on techniques to dismiss these feelings? Like meditation or anything at all, to sort of cleanse your mind? It is actually quite a big problem because I have these dreams quite often and I'm sick of my moods being all over the place because of my dang subconscious.
Oh, and I am female, 19yrs old and usually pretty sensible!
The Answer
If these feelings are really having such on impact on your waking life, in my opinion, they have moved a bit beyond the 'let's meditate them away' phase and moved into the 'let's talk to a professional' stage.
My best advice to you, in the meantime, is to avoid obsessing at all costs. That means, when you are feeling a certain way, lets say angry with someone, don't think over and over again about the dream, and don't list the reasons you shouldn't be angry with them. Both of those things can reinforce the lingering emotions. Instead repeat something that doesn't address the dreams at all, like "Mary is my friend. I have no reason to be angry with her." Repeat it to yourself whenever the emotions from the dreams crop up, and continue to repeat it to yourself until the feelings passed. Even if you find yourself chanting it, that's okay.
Other then that, with dreams its a bit of trial and error. You might find taking a minute or two before you get out of bed to remind yourself what was a dream might help you banish these emotions (or it might make the obsessing worse, but it's worth a try.) I don't know very much about meditation but I would suggest try making a few small changes in your morning routine. You might stumble on something that helps you reset your emotions for the day, a 10 minute walk, reading a chapter of a book, or taking just a few minutes longer in the shower to relax.
But do think about seeing a professional. If your dreams are regularly interfering with your day to day function, it's time to get some help.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I got in a fight today. I would really like to talk to him but I do not wish to pick up the phone and call with nothing to say.
I need to think of a voicemail I can leave him that will make him worry and once again pay attention to me.
Any advice?
The Answer
Sure, don't play stupid mind games.
Want him to speak to you again? Why not try the truth? Like maybe "I know we had a fight but I really want to talk to you again and work this out." Or "I'm still really mad but I want us to be able to talk." Whatever it is you are feeling, tell him. That is how communication works. You can play games with him all you want, but it will get you no where until you start to communicate.
Don't be an attention whore and don't be a manipulative little bitch. You give women a bad name when you do those obnoxious things. Try being an honest, upfront, mature women instead. Say what's on your mind in a respectful way. Invite him to speak to you with your openness and understanding; don't trick him into it by behaving like a brat.
In the end, he will only resent you for that. If you treat him honestly and with respect, even if the relationship blows up in your face, he'll remember you fondly.
EDIT: In fact, I did answer the question. The question was "Any advice?" It was safe to assume you meant about the situation at hand and I did give you advice about the situation. I even gave you advice on what to say and how to encourage him to communicate with you again. It simply was not the advice you wanted. Your feedback is a perfect example of a silly attempt at manipulating the situation so as to justify your desire to behave in an ungrateful and proud way. Your desire to rate me poorly with the excuse that I failed to respond to your question, despite the fact you acknowledge it was a 'nice answer' is very similar to your desire to worry him. They are both indefensible and totally self-indulgent actions. You might want to work on that habit. It will get you in some trouble in life if you go around trying to manipulate facts and people just so they make you feel good. I'm happy to call you on it. Sooner or later, other people will too, and they likely wont be so relaxed about it, since they actually have to deal with you, and I just need to type.
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The Question
I have heard a number of things.. and there all different.. My Q is... is it called child molesting.. or rape or whatever for someone over 18 to date a miner, Date... with no sex.
Please anwser only if you know the correct anwser... no assuming.. just facts.
The Answer
The answer to that question actually depends largely on your state.
Most states don't call it statutory rape, but just rape, sexual abuse or sexual interference. The laws rarely apply just to sex though and often cover ANY type of sexual contact. Dating someone without sexual contact isnâ??t illegal. HOWEVER in states like Arizona where 'sexual conduct' illegal, or Colorado where 'sexual intrusion' is prohibited or Florida where 'sexual activity' is enough or Iowa where 'performing a sex act' on someone underage is forbidden, things like kissing, fondling, petting, and handholding can be interpreted by a judge as sexual and therefore, illegal.
In states where that kind of language is used in the law, a great deal more can get you in trouble then just sexual intercourse. If you really want the straight answer to your question, you need to know the exact phrasing of the law in your state, and the way it is commonly interpreted by the courts. A lot of states only make intercourse illegal, but if you live in one where any sort of sexual contact is illegal, then dating someone older can be a serious problem, because no one will believe that two people who are 'dating' never kiss or cuddle each other in a sexual manner.
Sometimes there are also exceptions, or lesser charges, if the two parties involved are close in age, even if one is technically under the age of consent.
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The Question
15/f
Now I'm not planning to be doing this (so don't worry) but if a girl and a guy are fooling around and undressing, wouldn't it be unattractive for the girl to have obvious tan lines? I was really pale but I recently got a tan from going on vacation, and I think my bikini tan lines look a little weird. It's not like anyone will be seeing me in less than my bikini, but is it worth using sunless tanner to cover it up?
Maybe I just worry to much but I've wondered about this for a while. Thanks for your opinion!
The Answer
Guys, or girls for that matter, who are seriously turned off by tan lines, a stray ingrown hair, a bruise or a few little blemishes on your skin, are fools.
Even the most beautiful people have flaws. Only in movies are they airbrushed out. People who don't understand that are NOT people you want to sleep with. ‘Cause they are crazy.
The truth is most people are actually insecure enough about their own bodies to not notice a few imperfections in another’s. Besides that, tan lines go away, just like a bad hair cut grows out. Chances are if you are actually into someone enough to take your clothes off for them, they will be so into you they wont even notice the tan lines, and even if they do, and even if they don’t much like them, if you’ve made a good choice of partner, they’ll stick around long enough for the lines to fade.
Remember, even ugly and smelly people get laid sometimes. It's not about being perfect, it's about finding someone who can appreciate you, even if you are ugly, smelly and have tan lines!
(I'm sure you aren't actually ugly or smelly, but you get my drift.)
So, yeah, thats my vote. Totally not worth it.
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The Question
hi.sorry this is long but i need answers. well let me start by saying how much of a pussy i am. Ok this guy, he's like a "bully" came up to me, and his attitude is just real, crap. He's all "are you sure you're a man? youre like a man-beast" am like "ook." now how stupid can i get, thats the stupidest response i could have come out with. Im really really really shy, and im a guy by the way. Im huge but no one gets intimidated because im so quiet. im nearly 6 foot and im 15. So then today im at school, and he shouts my name from the other side of the room, and says "is your sister supposed to be bum?(hot)" im all "i dont know" now how stupid am i? i got real pissed off cause he was disrespecting my sister, but didnt say anything, and then the other guys were all "yeah she is, i saw her at parents evening" and then he comes out with "yo give me your sisters number?" im all "no, im allright" Now thats probabaly the pussiest thing ive ever said. what a effed up responce!? now if i said anything back like "F*** you" there would have been an up-roar. you just dont say stuff like that to people in my school (in leicester england) there would have been "beef" and he probaably would have wanted to knock me out. and he would have probabaly. with the helf of his "gangster" friends. Long story short, im a pussy. a big one. Why? Whats wrong with me? any help would be appreciated.
The Answer
You are a pussy who didn't provoke some jackass into beating him up for no reason?
That's not being a pussy, thats being a halfway decent person. I rather be friends with a 'pussy' like you then an stupid, fool who gets themselves bloodied up each time some bully runs his mouth.
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The Question
14/f
I have never been fingered in my life, only rubbed.
My boyfriend tried to finger me, and when he BEARLY pushed I asked him to stop because it stung...
Is this normal..i've yet to be fingered because I am afraid..
My question is this:
How bad does it hurt to get fingered..
Or anything along those lines for someone who has never done anything sexual..
:[ help, please.
The Answer
It shouldn't hurt. Might feel a tad tense or uncomfortable if you are nervous and unsure, but it definitely should not be painful.
If it hurts at all, then you did exactly the right thing in telling him to stop.
A humble suggestion, you may try doing it to yourself for a second, to see how it should feel. Teenage boys are prone to making some mistakes down there ;)
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The Question
how far away is jacksonville from boca raton?
The Answer
300 miles, about a five hour drive.
Use: http://maps.yahoo.com
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The Question
ok i know that this is gonna sound really sick but im a virgin and well im forever reading sex books but im reading this book that isnt a sex book its called the "Painted Bird" and in this book there was a scence or a page rather of this gurl having sexual intercouse with a goat a goat how fucking gross but for some reason it kinda turned me on i mean i would never do it but it freaked me out i mean i got wet to it it really excited me something as tabo as that and then theres a whole lot of scenes when these guys are raping women witch i find totally disgusting and degrating it also turned me on am i some kind of sicko but when i read it in the paper i feel disgusted and horrified i dont know one of my fantasy's is to be taken advangate of you know dominated so what does this mean how can i get turned on from fucking a goat !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Answer
Meh. People can get turned on by warm bread. It's not a big deal. Sometimes the oddest things will get you going. I have a friend who, no matter how ugly, smelly, just plain icky a person is, will get chills if someone blows on her ear.
Getting a bit turned on is just a physical response, it’s not entirely under your control so don’t feel so bad. As long you understand what is acceptable sexual behavior and what isn’t, it doesn’t matter what sort of fantasies turn you on.
Being ravaged sexually is a very common female fantasy. It’s also fun... I mean, when you are ready to have sex it’s fun. Anyways, don’t stress yourself out.
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The Question
28/m
About a week ago I pinched a girl on the buns in a parking lot because I thought it was an old friend of mine. Well, it wasn't! So she turned around, put one hand on my shoulder to hold me still, cocked her other arm back and said: "I hope it was worth it". Then she punched me right in the mouth....and HARD!!!! She knocked out my 2 front teeth!! Asked me if I learned my lesson and I said: "Yes ma'am".
Do you think I deserved it? The worse part about it is that I had to go home and explain it to my wife. Now, not only do I have to go without for 6 months, I have to make her breakfast in bed every morning for 6 months!! Do you think I have it coming just for pinching another girl on the bottom??
The Answer
Nah, you didn't have it comming, not the punch or the punishment. It was dumb move on your part but you don't deserve any more punishment then your wife, dentist and friends laughing rather heartily at you for it.
I wish you the best. Hopefully in a few months you can laugh this crazy buisness off as well.
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The Question
I (21/f) have a higher sex drive than my boyfriend (22/m). It started putting stress on our relationship when we moved in together at the beginning of this year. First, please don't tell me to masturbate. I do. It doesn't help. Physically, yes of course it helps, but I'd rather be with my boyfriend than with myself all the time. I don't have a problem with him masturbating, but when I think that he has, I get jealous because I feel that he isn't meeting my needs and he should have involved me since I'm the one with the higher sex drive. I know these thoughts are very selfish, wrong, and most of all, hypocritical. That's why I'm asking for help.
Things are made worse by the fact that he is the dominant one sexually and I am more submissive. He is always the one to initiate. I will always be submissive and I enjoy being so, so that's not going to change. Even so, I get so upset about things at times that I attempt to initiate, but nothing ever ends up happening, frustrating me even more. All of this makes me often feel that my boyfriend is not sexually attracted to me, which hurts our relationship further since, duh, he is.
I'm looking for a mature way to handle this that preferably doesn't involve him. I'm looking for a way to get rid of all of these inaccurate, negative feelings on my own. I don't want to threaten his masculinity and I've already tried talking to him about it. We argued for awhile, then talked about it maturely, but didn't really get anywhere. He says that he already does things for me sexually when he's not really feeling up to it himself. He told me that I was making it sound like I want our relationship to be based on sex and that sex is all I care about. That's not in the least bit true. He knows that, but I obviously didn't go about things the right way if he got that impression from me.
This isn't going to cause us to split up or anything, but it's making me moody and difficult to be around. I feel really bad for my boyfriend for having to put up with all of this.
So,
Is there a way to talk about this with my boyfriend and actually get somewhere?
How would you feel if you knew that your significant other had this problem?
How can I get rid of the inaccurate, negative feelings that this situation is causing me to have?
Is there anything that I haven't tried that might help?
I hope to get an answer from someone who has been in a similar situation. Thank you.
The Answer
Talk to someone else. A therapist who specializes in relationships or sex would be even better.
If years of struggling with mental illness have taught me anything at all it is this: You cannot get rid of all of inaccurate, negative feelings on your own, even if you are perfectly sane. You and your boyfriend are locked into patterns of behavior and nothing in this universe but a fresh pair of eyes and a new brain is going to be able suggest a new path. Neither of you can see the forest for the trees right now. Stop trying. Ask for help.
I have been in your position, and I have recently had the even less enjoyable opportunity to be in your boyfriend’s position. So this is my informed, yet egotistical opinion:
You can have the perfect monogamous relationship or you can regularly refuse the sexual advances of your partner, but neither the guy nor the girl can pull off both. If this monogamous relationship is a priority to your boyfriend, and too you, you are going to have to strike a deal. Because despite what you said, this is perfectly capable of splitting you up! Not over the sex, but the rejection and stress and pain that goes with it. That IS a relationship killer. I hope you both can see that clearly.
So, first off: Get a fresh mind involved here. Someone who can see past the same old script you two are following. You aint gonna climb out of this hole all by yourself. You can go by yourself, or you can go as a couple, either way, go.
Secondly, redefine sex.
If your expectation each time you (or he) initiates a sexual situation is vaginal intercourse, then your expectation is ridiculous. If your expectation is orgasm, that might even be bit a high of an expectation. If the gender roles were reversed, I would, without a hint of shame, suggest to the women that she cheerfully give regular handjobs, blowjobs, lubejobs… whatever and to her man, that he cheerfully accept them in lieu of straight sex. In your case, mutual masturbation, little sexy shows for him (that you get off on), playing with toys with him or while he watches, sharing erotic stories or dirty talk, or for goodness sake go back to the dry humping of your early teens! If you start encompassing those things into your definition of “sex with my boyfriend” suddenly you’ll find yourself getting laid a hell of lot more.
One more word of advice: Don’t give me this I’m submissive bullcrap. I’m sure it’s perfectly true and may explain some of the trouble, but I will not accept that as any sort of ‘excuse’, neither will a therapist and neither should your boyfriend. I’m submissive. I’m submissive in the tie me up and call me your bitch way, but even I can suck it up and ask for, then pursue, what I want if I aint getting it. Open your mind, learn to initiate, learn to engage and maintain the action, practice it, and incorporate it into your style. As I said before, expand your horizons, take some chances and you will find yourself getting laid a hell of a lot more.
And yes, nothing I suggested may be quite as satisfying as what it is you want most of all. Try it all anyways with an eager and open mind. Tell your boyfriend before hand what it is you are trying so he isn’t confused, or even worse, rejects you because he thinks it’s just the same old pattern being played out. And if any of my suggestions are enjoyable, but just not as satisfying as you would like, suck it up and learn appreciate them as hundereds of men out there learn to live with handjobs when they really rather be having the sex their women just can’t put up with right then. Focus on the pleasure you are experiencing not the pleasure you aren’t.
Don’t forget the therapist. I’m not kidding. Make an appointment. Now.
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The Question
18-f-aus
is it possible if 2 girls have oral together like you can catch aids or other diseases cause i have been with a few girls and im scared now that ive catched something and im gonna die its not possible if i just used my fingers right?? and you cant get diseases in yoru mouth can u please help im scared that ive got some infesting disease inside of me killing me away without me knowing
The Answer
Two girls are able to transmit STDs between them. It's a little bit less likely then with intercourse, but certainly possible.
You can get an STD in your mouth, if you have any open sores or rips in the skin. Same goes for your hands, small cuts could allow as STD to enter your body.
See a doctor for an STD test so you can lay your fears to rest.
THEN EDUCATE YOURSELF!
These kind of things are important to know if you going to have sex with anyone! Even other girls! So when you are at the doctors pick up some handbooks on safe sex, or better yet, ask the doctor, and learn the facts. It might save your life.
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The Question
what if it feels like i always have to pee even right after i do? and then its really unconfortable after i do pee..im a virgin, but ive given my boyfriend head before, but i know that he doesnt have any stds. could i have an std?
(f/15)
The Answer
If you are experiencing burning during and after urination and a constant need to urinate, you probably have an UTI, a very common, very easy to cure infection that you can get spontaneously.
Go see a doctor.
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The Question
I have two younger brothers (10 and 14) and me (16) and today me and my mother were talking about how old we're all getting and how fast we're growing up and she said "well not fast enough" and i asked what she meant and she said, "as long as you guys are this young i cant leave your father" and she completely broke down and started crying and said "I cant take it any longer" and i said "just leave him now" but she refuses to do anything until we're all married and on our own, but i hate this because i havnt noticed until now how miserable she is, my dad keeps telling her she's worthless and treating her like crap and telling her we're bad children and its all her fault - she's a bad mother (when she's really not!!) And the thing is he's been treating her like this for about 6 years, (we call it "the daily burst out" everyday my dad has to use her as a verbal punchbag for atleast 1 hour before he can go out and pretend to be happy, its like his way of getting all the anger out so he can live a normal life... he had a pretty messed up childhood) I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. i cant mak myself grow up any quicker!! or my brothers.. and i feel bad telling my mom to leave him like this. and she wont anyways. WHAT DO I DO???
The Answer
Sadly there is probably little you can do that will improve the situation. Your mother has made a choice, an irrational one, and convinced herself that it is worth it to stay in this situation for the sake of her children. That is plainly wrong, but it's her decision, and nothing you can say it going to change her mind. She is scared of what will happen if she leaves. Scared for herself and for her children and she rather be miserable and abused then scared.
It's a lousy situation and sucky choice, but it's hers to make.
If you can, encourage her to talk to other adults. Ask her to call a friend, a sibling a parent, anyone who loves her, could listen and offer support. If you can, suggest seeing a counselor or a therapist by herself so she can start to talk and think clearly. She probably doesn't want to burden you, but she can't revaluate her decisions until she starts examining them seriously. As long as she keeps all that fear and those hateful things he says all bottled up in her mind, she won’t be able to change her situation.
For yourself, find someone to talk too as well. Friends are awesome, but since it’s adult problems that you are suffering through, an adult might be able to understand a bit better and offer more solid advice. A teacher, a school counselor, even an older girlfriend or an aunt or cousin would be great.
Lastly, try to forgive your mother if she is stressed or cranky. Give her the benefit of the doubt and don’t talk to her cruelly, even when you are really angry with her (cause face it, all teens get angry with their moms from time to time.) Deal with your frustration the way you wish your father would. That is the very best way to show your mom support and model the kind of love she really deserves.
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The Question
Why is it that guys can't just put their animalistic urges in check? I'm not speaking on behalf of all guys, but I have a feeling that many guys out there only want one thing, and think with their little head, if you know what i mean.
I just went out with my 'boyfriend' (it's only been a month) and his friends tonight; it was St. Patrick's day, so of course we went bar hopping. All the girls were displaying their goods as though they were on sale. And I understand that it's hard not to look when a girl is wearing something nice/flaunting, has nice body, etc.., etc.., but I could tell that my bf was kind of looking at them in that way. Not like up and down or anything, but it was like, " hello, I'm here!" I don't know if I'm overreacting or anything, but he's a charming guy, and a few girls smiled at hime, and it got me to wonder: when I'm not around, who's number is he getting? And what does he do, or how does he act with other girls when I'm not around. Cause when I was RIGHT THERE, I still had a feeling he was checking girls out, and don't get me wrong: I glance at hot guys too, but if my bf is there, it's like NO WAY< not going there.
SO, i'd like to hear from you, guy or girl: is this appropriate to an extent (on his part), and am i overreacting, or is this understandable?
Sorry for such a long message, I'm just getting it all out! BTW: 22, F
The Answer
It's understandable, but yes, you are overreacting.
If they have eyes, they will look. No one has eyes only for one person. Have you ever been having a good talk with your boyfriend and gotten distracted by something pretty in a store window? This isn’t any different.
You can hate him for the simple fact he looks, you can yell at him and argue and cry and maybe he’ll have the self control to stop doing it. But he won’t stop wanting too and he will not stop thinking about other women in a sexual way. When you are around, and when you aren’t.
Men are going to get turned on by other women. There are jokes about guys getting turned on by loaves of bread or fast cars and they aren’t simply exaggerations. They wake up turned on. It's a physical trigger that is not completely under their control. You might as well try to make him guilty about farting. He might try to hide it to make you happy, but he isn’t physically capable of stopping it all together.
Other women are never the threat to your relationship dear. Your partners own stupidity is the damn problem. But if is going to misbehave, then he is going to misbehave and he is just ask likely to pick a nice, conservative girl he met at a lecture as a girl baring it all at the bar. A cheater isn’t a cheater because they are flashed some skin, they are simply cheaters.
Certainly talk to him about your feelings. This fear you have of him getting numbers or flirting when you aren’t around isn’t a very productive one, and hopefully he can assure you otherwise and help you to overcome your discomfort. But keep in mind; he hasn’t done anything wrong. If he does, then you can let him have it, but if you can’t manage to trust him now, then you shouldn’t be dating him at all.
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