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my mom can't leave because of us
I have two younger brothers (10 and 14) and me (16) and today me and my mother were talking about how old we're all getting and how fast we're growing up and she said "well not fast enough" and i asked what she meant and she said, "as long as you guys are this young i cant leave your father" and she completely broke down and started crying and said "I cant take it any longer" and i said "just leave him now" but she refuses to do anything until we're all married and on our own, but i hate this because i havnt noticed until now how miserable she is, my dad keeps telling her she's worthless and treating her like crap and telling her we're bad children and its all her fault - she's a bad mother (when she's really not!!) And the thing is he's been treating her like this for about 6 years, (we call it "the daily burst out" everyday my dad has to use her as a verbal punchbag for atleast 1 hour before he can go out and pretend to be happy, its like his way of getting all the anger out so he can live a normal life... he had a pretty messed up childhood) I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. i cant mak myself grow up any quicker!! or my brothers.. and i feel bad telling my mom to leave him like this. and she wont anyways. WHAT DO I DO???
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well your mom is deffinatley going through a bad tim ei know becuz im kinda goin through thte same now.. your mom is doing it because she cares about you and dosent want you to be without a father and/or she needs to find a way to support yall.. make sure your mom knows how you feel and make sure she knows you love her ..
good luck .. <33christina
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The advice you already have is great, however, there's something else I would advise. Give your mother this phone number: 800-799-7233. It's a national hotline for abused women. Don't worry, they have ways of making sure your father doesn't find out she is calling. The counselors there can help her sort out how she feels about what's going on including her reasons for staying. Then, they can help her formulate a plan for the right time and way to leave and all of the things she will need to do first. If your mom is careful and does things she needs to do before she leaves (like getting copies of all of the financial papers, your birth certificates, etc.) she will have an easier time when she makes her break. You might benefit from speaking with a school counselor or another person who can help you alleviate your guilt about being your mother's stated reason for staying. I hope it gets better.
Sabine
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Sadly there is probably little you can do that will improve the situation. Your mother has made a choice, an irrational one, and convinced herself that it is worth it to stay in this situation for the sake of her children. That is plainly wrong, but it's her decision, and nothing you can say it going to change her mind. She is scared of what will happen if she leaves. Scared for herself and for her children and she rather be miserable and abused then scared.
It's a lousy situation and sucky choice, but it's hers to make.
If you can, encourage her to talk to other adults. Ask her to call a friend, a sibling a parent, anyone who loves her, could listen and offer support. If you can, suggest seeing a counselor or a therapist by herself so she can start to talk and think clearly. She probably doesn't want to burden you, but she can't revaluate her decisions until she starts examining them seriously. As long as she keeps all that fear and those hateful things he says all bottled up in her mind, she won’t be able to change her situation.
For yourself, find someone to talk too as well. Friends are awesome, but since it’s adult problems that you are suffering through, an adult might be able to understand a bit better and offer more solid advice. A teacher, a school counselor, even an older girlfriend or an aunt or cousin would be great.
Lastly, try to forgive your mother if she is stressed or cranky. Give her the benefit of the doubt and don’t talk to her cruelly, even when you are really angry with her (cause face it, all teens get angry with their moms from time to time.) Deal with your frustration the way you wish your father would. That is the very best way to show your mom support and model the kind of love she really deserves.
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I know its sad..but there reaally isnt much you can do . You can do things like support her, show her you are there for her if she wants to talk..and let heer know that you and your brother and her can make it on their own and if she wants to leave your father she should! It sounds like your mom is holding a lotttt in..so maybe it will help if you let her cry and talk to you about stuff. Little things to cheer her up like making a card,buying her floowers,etc would really make her day.
<33 melissa
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