(Ask A Question.) (Feedback.) (Discussion Board.) (Make Razhie A Favourite.) (Advicenators.)
Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
Favourite Collumnists.
(WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)
The Question
I met this guy almost 2 years ago, when I moved here, and in these last two years we have gotten to be close friends. At first when he started coming over, I was shy towards him because I didn't really know him. But after a couple of weeks of him coming over, I became less shy towards him, and we became real close friends. I have liked him ever since. I cant quit thinking about him, and I cant wait for him to come over. I have never felt like this towards anyone before. I have never told him that I like him, but I'm sure he's got some kind of a clue that I do. When he is over he will sit right next to me on the couch. I have this huge couch to sit on, and he sits really close to me. I also catch him staring at me a lot. He will be talking to me, but he looks directly into my eyes and his gaze will linger. When I get up to move, I can feel him watching me. Another thing is, when I go to the store, he will usually come with. Or when he goes to the store he will sometimes come over and either ask if I need anything or if I would like to go with him. One day when I asked him why he always comes with me when I go to the store, he just said that he would feel bad if something were to happen to me and he weren't there. I had also house sat for 5 days, and the first night we texted each other back and forth late into the night, even though he had to be up early for work the next day. Then the other four days he called me and we would talk until late into the night. He told me that he texted and called me everyday because he didn't want me to be bored or lonely. He always makes an effort to touch me. Like I will hand him something, and there is plenty of room for him to grab it where our fingers wont touch, but he will grab it up high so our fingers touch. If we go places, he will usually pay for me too. The other night we were wrestling with each other, and he had had me pinned on the floor and he had his face mashed into mine, and he didn't move for the longest time. So from all of this, does it seem like he likes me?
Well now here's the hard part. He has been engaged for the past year. I recently asked him when he planned on getting married, and he said it wouldn't be for another four years because his fiancé says she wants to finish school first. Then he told me about how she also said that she wanted to wait because with the amount of money she makes, she gets a bunch of money back on her taxes. That sounds like a pitiful excuse to me. Sounds to me like she doesn't want to get married. My mother had been over that day (she knows him too) and had told him that she doesn't think that they will get married. He got all defensive and kept asking why she though that. My mom pretty much told him that they act more like friends than a couple. They only see each other for a couple of hours on saturday, but other than that they talk on the phone a couple times a day. Is it strange that they are engaged and hardly see each other, and that they don't live together? It seems to me like they are in a relationship just because they can be. She leaves for her last 4 years of college in another city, and he isn't going with her. I guess what I am trying to ask is, Does he like me? Should I tell him even though he's with her? If so, how should I go about telling him? What do I say? And do you think (from what I have told you) that he will marry her? I do want to note though that as long as they are together I don't have any plans on interfering with their relationship. I'm not a home wrecker. But you cant help who you like right?. Sorry for all the questions, but I really am at a loss. WHAT DO I DO???
The Answer
Darling, you keep asking this question and you are going to keep on getting the exact same answer:
You do nothing! There is nothing for you do.
He's picked her. He is engaged to her. Doesn't matter if he isn't happy. Doesn't matter if she treats him bad. Doesn't matter if they don't go through with it.
It DOES NOT matter what I think, what your mom think, what you think, what anyone else on the god damn planet thinks about if they'll get married or not.
Right now, he is taken, off he market, not for flirting with or carrying on with.
YOU ARE ON VERY DANGEROUS GROUND.
Despite each questions solem oath that nothing will happen while he is enagaged, you are in fact doing something right now. You are obsessing. This has to be at least your fourth question in the last two months. You are remaining right there in the wings watching and waiting for this relationship to fail. That is not right. A true friend wouldn't behave that way. A healthy individual wouldn't behave that way.
Stop your inappropraite behavoir before it starts by reducing your contact with thier man, keeping it strictly and friendly and PLEASE find another way to spend you time and engry. Get a hobby or an interest that is going further you as human being. An obession with an unaviable guy is only going to tear you down, find people who will build you up.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
so i was just searching around the web and came across this lemonade diet and you just drink lemonade for at least 10 days and you lose weight.. i know they will probably gain the weight back.. but is there an actual diet that wont make you gain the weight back if you just eat a certain kind of food/drink?
The Answer
Nope.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I think I'm depressed. I get offended so easily, cry everyday without a reason, don't have as much energy as I used to, and I want to avoidpeople as much as possible. I'm scaring my parents, relatives, and some friends. I cut my wrists and don't want to see any freakn guidance counclers. Any advise to cue depression?
The Answer
You can't cure cancer on your own babe, and you can't cure depression on your own either.
That is just the facts of life, and biology.
And it's the depression talking ;) It really does behave like a virus in your brain, and makes you believe a whole bunch of things (like not wanting to see a counselor) in order to keep you depressed.
The first step in 'curing' depression, is talking to someone who knows how to help, like a counselor or a therapist.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'll try and keep it short and sweet.
I go to a public school in a town about 30 minutes away from where I live. My mom is a teacher there, which is why I'm allowed to go. Because of this it can be extremely difficult to have a life with friends out there. I no longer have friends in the town I live in, and only a small group of friends in a town over. My parents have been talking about moving for a while, and yet whenever I try to help they yell at me, and tell me they will deal with it.
Why don't they seem to want to move? What can I do to help them without them getting mad? I don't think it's a question of money. It's true the town over is expensive, but I've looked and there are affordable houses. Theres a lot of work to do before we sell our current house, but I'm completely willing to help them with every step of it. But I need their help first; I can't go rip out the rug in our basement and replace it myself, I can't gut the bathroom by myself. What should I do?
The Answer
EDIT/
Seriously hun, whining and 'regretting' isn't going to help you here. Suddenly I'm not surprised your parents have become short tempered with you. It's not about if your request is 'reasonable' or not, it's about whether you are being a brat about or not. Your tone here is VERY self-involved.
It's okay that you diagree, but you can disagree and still be wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could read back to people what they write on this site when they are 25. I think a twenty-five year old you would be surprised at yourself.
It's isn't for you to decide what the family does, and just because they WANT something (like I want to go to Disneyland, and it would be good for me, and I could afford it and take the time off) doesn't mean that what you WANT is going to happen, right now, or ever. (I have better, and more important things to do, then go to Disneyland.)
Take a deep breath and be a teen for goodness sake. Let them be the adults. Yes, it's frustrating, but clearly it isn't going to change and your pressuring them is making matters worse, not better. So suck it up and find the silver lining. Or just be miserable. Moving is their choice. Being miserable or not is yours.
/EDIT
There probably isn't much you can do hun.
Although you are willing to help, this is really an 'adult' decision. I know, teens hate my guts when I say that, but it is.
Moving will change thier finacial plans for the next ten years. It sounds like it will require hiring people to work on the current home, perhaps getting the bank to aprrove that. It could change thier career planning. It could change when they retire, when they take vacations, how many cars they have... and so and so forth.
You simply can't help with those things.
All the stuff you can help with, the packing and organzing and housework and cooking and prep, all of that takes place AFTER they have made the decision.
Take a deep breath, and give them thier space. They clearly know what you would like, but I'm afriad moving isn't something an adult can really do just to 'help out' thier kid ;). Have some understanding and respect, and be ready to jump when they do ask for your help.
And perhaps, after you've backed off them a bit, you might ask them what they are 'thinking about', not what you can do, not what needs to happen and not when (those are stressful questions they might not have asnwers too) but just what is on thier minds.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I need to write a scene for a book and i don't know how to write a dramatic confentation, while keeping all of the characters there. How do i write a big scene like that without having the feeling of 'one of the characters would just walk off' type of feeling?
The Answer
Have you ever been in a fight before? Or watched a fight? Or gotten into a screaming match with a parent or sibling?
Although our rational brains (which often interupt when we try to write) tell us that walking away is the smart move, most people in a fight actually don't walk away all the quickly.
Espcailly not when there is more then one person involved. People might want to walk away, but stay to defend or sympathize or interfere with another person.
When you sit down to write a fight, don't just think about 'anger' because it's true, people will walk away from anger reasonably quickly. Think about the other feelings your characters might have during the fight: scorn, humor, pity, sorrow, sympathy. That will help you find the motivation for why they stay.
Each time a character gets close to leaving, there are ways, just like people do in real fights, of uping the ante and keeping it going: Things like making a joke, making a nasty remark about someone else, saying some truly mean or shocking, starting to cry or becomming physical...
All of those 'ploys' though to keep the fight going, stem first from what your characters are feeling: and it's probably a lot more then just anger.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hey there! You've been really helpful in answering my questions about my roommate and all of the problems we've been having. You seem to know quite a bit about dorm life, so I had another question for you.
My ex roommate now wants to have a peer mediation with an R.A. over the stupid refrigerator incident. I didn't do anything wrong and I just want this to be done with. Should I go to the mediation anyway to settle things or just keep telling her "I have done nothing wrong. I have nothing left to say to you?"
Thanks for all your help!
The Answer
I would say go to mediation if you think you can keep you can stay calm and collected during it. Speak to her as little as possible prior to the mediation and work through the mediator to arrange the timing. If she says “I want to go to mediation.” The proper response is “Then have the mediator contact me and I’ll discuss the arrangements with them.”
Communication with your ex-roommate should remain as closed as humanly possible for your own mental health and protection.
However, if you think you can’t keep your cool and stay calm during mediation, stick to your “I have nothing left to say to you.’ line.
Remember how I said she would try to up the ante to get a response? I imagine this isn’t the first tactic she has tried right? But that is exactly what this is. She is trying to get a response out of you, and since her irrational behavior has failed, she is now trying a seemingly rational approach.
You don’t owe her mediation, if you choose to do it, do it because you believe it can improve things for you or help you grow. Don’t do it because of peer pressure or because she whines.
The last thing to consider is this: Do you want to remain in a dorm next year? If you do, then mediation would probably be a good idea. It makes you appear open to the dorm processes and policies and willing to deal with even (extremely) difficult people.
It really comes down to: do what is right for you and what you will benefit from. If you only have two months left in this dorm, I’d say screw her and her little games. If you want to make an investment into longer term dorm life, talk to the mediator.
Glad I've been helpful ;).
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
is it possible get frist time sex then became addicted to it, having sex too much with differnet guy? is that normal?
x0x
The Answer
You can become addicted to sex. Absolutely.
Anything that can cause that kind of psychotropic effect (that means it acts on your brain) can be addictive. Period.
The best way do decide if you have a problem or not is to ask yourself these questions:
Is sex interfering with other parts of my life? (ie. Friends, schoolwork, or other hobbies are being ignored and you are having sex instead.
Is your behavior sexually putting you at risk or getting you in trouble? (ie, are you breaking curfew, not studying, or ignore safe-sex practices just because you want sex that bad.)
If your behaviors with sex aren’t putting you in danger or causing you to mismanage other parts of your life, then you aren’t an addict. You still might be having too much sex. You might still want to cut down, but sex-addiction isn’t as common as say, cigarette addiction.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
well for one, im a dude. but anyway, theres this girl i've been dating for the past 3 years off and on. and for 3 years, shes basicly has pulled me around by my nose i guess you could say. shes hurt me more times than i can count, but for some reason i still love her. (by the way, im 16, and i know yall goin say i dont know what love is, well trust me, i got a pretty good idea)but the problem is im tired of gettin hurt, i really am, and she knows shes hurting me. how she hurting me you say? well, shes real moody, i mean more than normal moody, and she'll get real ticked off and break up with me, then go out with another dude and rub it in my face. and yes i still love her through it. then she'll say shes sorry we'll get back together, and some other stuff will happen to break us up. im just i dont know... tired of it, but the problem is i still LOVE HER!! so what yall think i should do?
The Answer
If you know what love is babe, I think you idea of love is a sucky one.
Seriously, with all admiration and respect to you and your feelings: Grow a pair.
There are plenty of women who will stomp all over you in kelts, for years, if you keep letting them. At some point love becomes redudant, it becomes a useless fact, even if it is true. It stops being enough.
If you are truly tired of it then you need summon up courage, cry out your heartbreak and just end it. There is no trick to doing this. One of these days you'll just get fed up enough, unhappy enough, and sick enough of it to finally call an end to it. Maybe you are not quite there yet, but I hope you'll get there soon.
When you get there, make a clean break. No more phone calls and or conversations about 'feelings'. When you finally get free, stay free, even when it hurts, and find someone else to love.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Yeah, I thought that too but I'm blleding as much as i would be if I were on my period. and spotting should stop?????
The Answer
Relax.
Unless you are in intense pain or feeling faint, you are just fine.
Take the pills as you normally would and by tommorrow afternoon the bleeding will have stopped.
If it doesn't, see a doctor. But it will.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm 16 female. After a few years of wanting a boyfriend, I've decided that I'm staying single in highschool. My question is, is how bad is it to have sex with a person you are not in a relationship with? If your emotionally ready, and understand the consequences, and take pre-caustions, is it still bad? What are your opinions? Thanks!
The Answer
In my opinion, yes, it's still a bad idea.
I'm afraid being in a 'relationship' is part of being emotionally ready.
Sex, especially when you lack experience with the emotions that it brings to the surface, makes you deeply vulnerable to your partner. That is why trust and respect are so important.
That is why a 'relationship' is important. Yes, you can trust and respect people you aren't in a relationship with, however, someone you ONLY trust and respect and don't deeply care for you are liable to hurt, or be hurt, when they can't support you through the emotional entanglements of sex with the kind of attention and affection you crave.
Imagine one of your precautions fails, and there is a pregnancy or STI. If you can't see your partner supporting you and leaning on each other through that kind of trial, then you two aren't ready for the emotional roller-coaster of sex.
I've had no-strings-attached sex. I've had one night stands. It's all 'fun' in the moment, but in the long run I've learned it's not very productive and it's quite harmful to my emotional state no matter how rational and respectful we try to be about it.
Look, sex is fun and risky, that's it. Our society blows it up into this HUGE deal that it really isn't. Don't be in a rush. If you are comfortable, confident and have an open mind your first time will be pretty good no matter when you have it. So just wait for someone you can actually share it with, rather then a quick partner who is just solving your 'virginity problem' for you.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hi I have been on birth control for almost a year now, I just started my new pack (and finished my period) last sunday. yesterday I went to a party and didnt take my pill because I figured Ill just take 2 today. Well I came on my period!!!! I just came off my period last week and Im back on now. I don't think thast normal. Do you knwo what may be wrong, please help Im very confused!
The Answer
You aren't 'on your period', you are just having withdrawl bleeding from not taking your pill. Sometimes people just call it spotting, it's no big deal.
Continue taking your birthcontrol as your normally would and it will stop. Use condoms from the rest of the month (if you weren't already).
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Okay I was just watching Project Runway and someone was designing a dress and on the body form, there was like green tape outlining the shape of the patterns.
And on Project Catwalk (UK version) there was a black and white checkered tape on the body form?
Is this to outline the shape of the patterns you need/structure of the dress? And is there a specific name for the tape?
The Answer
It's called twill tape. The checkered and green stuff are needlessly fancy, normally it just comes in black or white.
As for it being the outline, the answer is yes-ish. Twill tape is using to help build drapped patterns, but it really just helps to define lines. Making the actual pattern can be, and normally is, more complicated then simply following your twill tape lines.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm trying to correct a book-analysis that I got back, and in it I wrote "He is given a second chance, when a butcher accidentally saves him, and manages to find enthusiasm for life."
Now next to this sentence my teacher wrote "ref." and marked the space in between "and" and "manages" (i hope that makes sense for you guys, haha!)
Now I think she means a word is missing between those two words, and I guess spontantiously I would add "then" there.. but since she said "ref" which Im guessing stands for "reference" I think she might mean that I should add "he" or "Archie" (which is his name)
What do you think it should be? W´hich is gramatically fitting? And if it should be a refernce to who it is that gained enthusiasm for life, should I write out his name or just settle for "he".
Thank you if you know! I have to give in the corrected and graded version of my essay tomorrow, otherwise I wouldn't have hassle dyou with it!
The Answer
Are you doing in text citation or footnotes? I'm guessing that she meant PAGE REFERENCE. She wants to know where the action of his life being saved took place in the book.
If you aren’t referencing your work I must be wrong, however, I would bet good money I'm right.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
im 16 and im pregnant with my boyfriends baby.
i need a lot of help.
im NOT getting an abortion so thats out of the question, even if my boyfriend left me.
heres my backround information.
THIS WAS NOT A MISTAKE. I WANTED TO BE PREGNANT! my birthdays in early december, im a softmore, im currently living with my mother (hoping to move in with my dad) *parents are devorcing*, i have a dog that i will not leave without, i DONT have a car or licance YET, i come from an above middle class family, im a varsity cheerleader for my high school and i LOVE it, my moms sister had a child at 16 so my mom is always warning me not to, im a only child, and lastly, my parents are TOTALLY over protective.
here are the things i need advice on...
-how to i tell my mom
-how do i tell my dad
-am i too young for a house/apt. with my boyfriend (same age)
-how will i finish high school/ go on to collage
-should i start work/get a job
-what do i do about cheerleading. do i have to quit
-what should i do with the child while in school
-could i get home schooled for part of the pregnancy
-how can i hide the bigness
-how where do i plan everything
-how do i get parents support
-how do i get friends to understand
-how will friends throw baby shower
-how hide it from friends parents
-will parents but baby stuff or make me pay for it
-any other things that i need to know.
-if its a girl/boy
-baby names
although this not a "planned" preg. its not like it was like one day, OH IM PREGNANT. we decided this. and its a big responcibility but i feel we can handle it. please, i need as much help from anyone and everyone including boys, and girl, other teenage mothers, and older mothers. anyone who can help me. it would be greatly appriciated. thank you.
The Answer
Simply tell your parents, calmly, and expect them to be not so calm. Tell them you want to keep the child. Let them respond and get used to the idea. Be prepared for their completely just and deserved anger.
You are too young for an apartment. Unless you parents intend on providing it for you.
You will hopefully finish high school with HUGE amount of help from your parents, teachers, and perhaps social services as well.
In every case of teenage pregnancy I am acquainted with, the mother has not completed, or in some cases even begun college until her child is school-aged. Unless someone else (perhaps your parents, or his) raise the child, I would strongly suggest you place college in the 10 year plan, not the 3 year plan. There are ways to make it work, ways that you can look into later, in a few years, after the most serious issues have been addressed.
You should start to work. If for no other reason then to show your parents you aren't as completely irresponsible as you are going to seem to them.
You will need to quit cheerleading when the doctor tells you too. It is the first of many things you are going to have to give up.
Home schooling? Talk to your parents, they have to agree, and possible pay, for such an arrangement.
If you are seriously worried about how you look 'big' THAT should tell you that you aren't ready to be pregnant for crying out loud.
How to get parents support and friends to understand: First off, you need to understand, and it sounds like you don't, that you ARE NOT ready do this and that you desperately require their support or you and your child wouldn't be able to survive. Then you beg for their support. If that doesn't work: pray.
You can't both hide it from people who would disapprove and throw a party over it. You can't have it all darling. Either you go public, or you don't. If you are afraid of people finding out, a baby shower is bad idea.
I HOPE they make you pay for it all, but they won't, because you couldn't possibly pay for even most of it! So they will pay, because if they don't you and your child starve and live in filth. Start begging and praying and practice saying "Thank you."
What you NEED to know, is that your decision was selfish, unrealistic and puts huge demands on your parents.
The majority of questions you asked you should have figured out BEFORE 'deciding' to have a baby.
'Responsible' would be knowing where you would live, how you would fund it, and how you would arrange your other responsibilities (ie. School) prior to making the choice.
What you did was not responsible in any way.
You weren't prepared. You aren't prepared. Go to your parents and beg for their help, because you aren't going to make it through without them. Only once you have ADULT support, can you start to discover the answers to these questions. Each person and case is different, start to deal with yours.
Good luck. You need it.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Monthly/Yearly?
The Answer
There are a lot of annual expenses, it cost me $8,000 to $12,000 a year roughly to keep a hobby horse. That means, one that is NOT for showing. If you intend to compete or do clinics, add another $3,000 to $5,000 to that for trasportation, entry fees, groom fees, and proper attire.
Of course, many expenses, like hay and vet costs, will vary tremendously based on where you live. I live in an area where boarding a horse is very pricy, you might get a better deal in your part of the world.
Here a few good sites that will break it down for you:
http://www.petplace.com/horses/what-it-costs-to-own-a-horse/page1.aspx
If you live in the UK use this one http://www.equine-world.co.uk/buying_horses/cost_horse.htm
The very best thing you can do it talk to people you know about horse ownership in your area. They can give you the best idea of costs and options in your area.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I asked a question a little while ago about how my roommate always had her boyfriend over and how she deliberately invaded my privacy.
Well the good news is that I moved out. BUT my old roommate is still being extremely immature. She keeps harassing me because she claims that I unplugged her fridge when I moved out and she expects me to replace the food that spoiled. I know for a fact that the fridge was still plugged in when I left AND the outlets in which the fridge was plugged into were in really bad condition to begin with.
Anyway, I know I'm not guilty of messing with her fridge. The point is I'm sick of her bothering me about it. I have a feeling this has nothing to do with her spoiled food: it's because she's still pissed at me over all the stuff that happened before I moved out.
I've made a point not to walk anywhere by myself to avoid this huge confrontation with her, but I know that this needs to end, I just don't know how. Suggestions?
The Answer
Keep walking away. Keep ignoring her. Don't take her calls. Don't respond to e-mails. Don't even look her in the eyes.
If she tries to speak with you say this and ONLY this, then walk away. "I know I have done nothing wrong. I have nothing left to say to you."
It's important you don't say anything else. It's important you keep walking away. I know it's hard, but if she gets worse and you need to take it up with the residence AGIAN, you want to make sure that you have perfectly clean hands.
Good luck.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
my dad dosent live with me. and i just sent him an email saying that i didnt want to see him anymore. before you say i did something wrong, let me tell you everything that he has done.
1. when i was 4 months old, he ran out on me and my mom and went and lived with another woman.
2. hes cheated on my mom so many times that she cant even remember.
3. hes very disrespecful to my family, espessially to my mother.
4. he treats my sister like crap.
5. im the youngest out of 4 kids, and he has 2 kids with another woman(his ex wife) and he pays their FULL childsupport, and we only get half, or sometimes way less than we are suppost too.
6.he sleeps with wemon who are 10 years younger than him.
7. he dosent know how to act around people.
8. him and my mom dont get along(of course)and everytime that it comes close for me to seeing him,my mom gets pissed, and she dosent talk to me for days.
so, anyway, i sent him that email saying that i didnt want to see him anymore. is it a bad thing that i sent him that email, and i dont feel bad about it??
-13/f
The Answer
If you don't want to see your Dad because of his behavior, no, it's not a bad thing.
It's certainly not a great thing, but it's a tough choice and you need to make the one you think is best.
You should definitely talk about this choice with your mother. As you are a minor, your father has certain rights to visit you, whether he pays all his child support or not.
Just remember that it isn't your job to 'punish' him for the way he treats your mom. You don't have to side with her automatically. She is supposed to take care of you and your feelings. It isn’t your job to take care of hers. She’s an adult. She needs to deal with the man she made a baby with not mater how much she doesn’t like it.
Keep your mind and heart open too him, not because he deserves it, but because you owe it to yourself to give him the benefit of the doubt. Even if you choose not to see him much, if at all, don't loose all contact. You are a bit young to cut a parent out of your life completely. I would recommend you have a relationship with your father, just do it on your own terms. Stick to the odd e-mail, phone call and maybe going out to dinner. Stick with what you can handle comfortably.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
Hi i was wondering if like watching porn/masturbauting could be considered cheating on a girl?
I was just wondering because i wouldnt wanna do it if its not right.
The Answer
The only ones who can tell you the answer to that question is you and your girl.
Some people feel that hugs, and kisses on the cheek are cheating. Some people would feel that masturbation to pronography is cheating...
There is no solid defination of what 'cheating' is. You need be respectful or you partner, use common sense and most imporantantly Talk About It.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
ok so me and my friend rachel have been fightin a
lot but everytime it was her fault she would always want me to apologize to her.well my problem is this monday we were doin a group project in my 4th period class.it was all fine until rachel started to try and control everything that was going on.so she yelled at me because i was talking and when she told me i needed to listen to her i told her NO. she got really mad and threw a tantrum and threw a peace of paper which hit me in the head.I haven't talked to rachel since i am just like not friends with her anymore i just told her well im done with all the drama and stuff.my question is was that the right thing to do ?
The Answer
Being rude to someone while working togeather on a project was certainly not the right thing to do.
Maybe Rachel is a total bitch, but you need to realize you aren't behaving angelically when you ignore someone in class and are rude to them. It doesn't matter what they did 'first'.
If you and Rachel simply can't be nice to eachother, then yes you did the right thing and shouldn't be friends.
Just don't forget: Just because someone is nasty to your doesn't give you the right to be nasty back. You are only making the drama worse when you can't just take a deep breath and let stuff go.
(View All Other Answers.)
The Question
I'm seventeen years old.
So I don't consider myself too young to be having sex,the thing is I just am apprehensive to go all the way. Two reasons.
1. My mom who is very domineering would absolutely flip out, she'd go crazy.
and
2. I don't want to tell my doctor, because I don't want a pap test (she said after I was sexualy active I had to.) I just don't want her to think I'm skanky, even though she can't tell my mom it makes me nervous that she'll have to let it slip.
Physicaly though, I'm ready, I could easily get my head around the idea of sex.
I've been fingered and such.
Like today my boyfriend and I were 'fooling around', and he was like "i don't want to presure you but when you're ready I have condoms."
I just laughed. I'd actualy like to have sex with him, he means a lot to me.
The Answer
If you can't bring yourself to see a doctor, any doctor, and discuss this openly, then you aren't ready to be having sex.
Being 'ready' includes being resposible and aware of all medical issues that can arise. Being 'ready' means covering all your bases, and that includes seeing a doctor to make sure you are healthy (ie, having a pap test, which yes, can be uncomfortable in more ways then one, but thats all they are), and to talk about birth control.
The good new is, your doctor CANNOT tell your mother. It will not 'slip out'. If it did it would be illegal, grossly irresponsible, and she could get in a shit-load of trouble. It will not happen.
If you truly afriad of how a doctor will percieve you because of your choice to have sex, you aren't confident enough in that choice yet, OR you need to find another doctor.
Be mature, be responsible. Talk to a doctor BEFORE you begin having sex, not after.
(View All Other Answers.)