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Should I do it with him?
I'm seventeen years old.
So I don't consider myself too young to be having sex,the thing is I just am apprehensive to go all the way. Two reasons.
1. My mom who is very domineering would absolutely flip out, she'd go crazy.
and
2. I don't want to tell my doctor, because I don't want a pap test (she said after I was sexualy active I had to.) I just don't want her to think I'm skanky, even though she can't tell my mom it makes me nervous that she'll have to let it slip.
Physicaly though, I'm ready, I could easily get my head around the idea of sex.
I've been fingered and such.
Like today my boyfriend and I were 'fooling around', and he was like "i don't want to presure you but when you're ready I have condoms."
I just laughed. I'd actualy like to have sex with him, he means a lot to me.
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I say that if you aren't ready then don't and if you your are then go ahead. But my only advice is that you tell your doctor about you having sex after, since she cannot tell your mother. It is patient-doctor confidentiality, so if you asked them not to tell your mother then they can't 'cause they will lose their license. And maybe you should talk to your mother about it, for all you know she would be completely fine about it. I am 13, and I am in a really ghetto area so I have to watch who I date so I don't end up like a few of my bffl's who have ended up pregnant and one even has a baby! But main point is that your doctor CAN NOT tell your mother if you are sexually active, and if you are ready then you should go ahead and do it.
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i know the feeling you were describing about your doctor. but honestly, your doctor is there for you. she will not be judgmental at all, she wont make remarks, and she must obey privacy laws or she could lose her license. i know it feels awkward, but remember she is a doctor and understands teens may become sexually active. she wont yell at you like your mom might.
second of all, your mom does not have to know about your private/sexual life. if you are truly ready, then be safe and go for it. just be sure you are absolutely ready :)
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If you can't bring yourself to see a doctor, any doctor, and discuss this openly, then you aren't ready to be having sex.
Being 'ready' includes being resposible and aware of all medical issues that can arise. Being 'ready' means covering all your bases, and that includes seeing a doctor to make sure you are healthy (ie, having a pap test, which yes, can be uncomfortable in more ways then one, but thats all they are), and to talk about birth control.
The good new is, your doctor CANNOT tell your mother. It will not 'slip out'. If it did it would be illegal, grossly irresponsible, and she could get in a shit-load of trouble. It will not happen.
If you truly afriad of how a doctor will percieve you because of your choice to have sex, you aren't confident enough in that choice yet, OR you need to find another doctor.
Be mature, be responsible. Talk to a doctor BEFORE you begin having sex, not after.
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If you are worried about your doctor thinking you're "skanky" because you are 17 and have had sex then you arent ready to have it yet.
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First off, let me tell you that your boyfriend is not only being respectful, but responsible. Good for him for being prepared and for not pressuring you. And good for you for having someone like that (not all guys are that responsible).
Next thing: your mom. Trust me, I know EXACTLY how you feel. When my mom found out I'm no longer a virgin, she was shocked and got very mad at me (and she is also domineering)..mostly though, it's just her old-school cultural tradition. But you know what, I realized one thing through it all: I am my own person (and a mature adult, so...). And you are too. You are passed the stage where your mom needs to make all your decisions for you. If and when you feel ready, it is entirely your choice. Just be smart about it and take precautions. It would be nice to have an open mother whom you could talk to about these things, but a lot of parents are old-fashioned and do not want to even think about the fact that their children may just be growing up.
You are pretty young, but like you said, old enough. There are a couple of things that are holding me back from telling you outright to go for it. With sex comes responsibility. You don't want to see a gyno, but regardless, it is the responsible (and healthy) thing to do after you become sexually active. If you really feel this uncomfortable, maybe you could wait until you let down your guard and don't care about going to see a doctor. Doctors are not at all going to judge you and think you're a slut. Not at all. They are there to help, and it's their profession. Your mom doesn't need to know about it, but if you're at the point where you're dead worried, then at least think things through. By the way, you have to see a gyno when you become sexually active, it's all written out in pamphlets, medical sites, etc.,: GO to the gyno either a) when you become sexually active, or b) when you are 21. So...do not have sex until you are completely comfortable, but when you do, see a doctor for an exam.
When you feel completely ready to have sex, just be cautious. Use a condom every time. And for your own sake, see a gyno for your yearly exam, it couldn't hurt. You are not obliged to tell your mom every single detail about your life. If she really will flip out now, then she'll flip out later down the line...why? You're her 'little' girl. It does seem like you're having doubts about the whole thing, so my advice is, wait a bit for all the worry to subside, and then make your decision. That way, you will have no regrets. All the best.
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I was scared to go to the doctor to about personal stuff but what made me feel totally comfortable was that the first thing he said to me was anything me and you talk about is between us , were not here to rat you out , so thats how we bond is by trusting each other .
But anyways . Only do it if your ready to let somthing go that means alot to you , if you truley do love him , there isint any reason why you shouldnt but dont rush just make sure your totally ready to deal with what ever consequenses come your way . Who know's your mother doenst have to find out <3
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